What the actual fuck

I hope you're ready for this.
Just kidding there is no preparation for this. You just hope your years of Space Marine training somehow sees you through to the end.
But it won't. Prepare to reap the inferno.

Introduce all your different personalities.

Today's writer's block. For once I was read to commiserate with the idiots on Livejournal who didn't understand this question but further proving they exist on a different plane of reality they all seemed to understand what was going on.
My different personalities?
Well here's me and here's me fucking angry. There you go.

This is pretty insulting, invasive, and triggery to systems that actually have been diagnosed with DID. Fuck whoever approved this writer's block.

Who
Cares?
But if we hearken back to the hoary ages gone, to the gate of eternal gloom we'll recall I offered a service whereby I'd document all of your pussies' quirks and idiosyncrasies and I promised I could save you a fuckton of money in lawsuits and people quitting over being butt devastated. Well here's where this service would have paid off, Livejournal. First five entries are people furious over this question because they have actual multiple personalities.
Ignoring multiple personalities is one of the rarest mental conditions there is if five people on the top (and I didn't dig into this at all) are this frustrated over this you conceivably lost business over this one little question.
Multiply that by millions of faggots and literally hundreds of offensive questions and suddenly my price is seeming more like a beggar's ransom, eh?

Also insulting to those of us who are multiples, publicly or in the closet.

Says one commentator.

Indeed. Even the phrasing, like it's an ORDER, is making my skin crawl. DID is a coping mechanism. Alters aren't there to pop in and out on fucking command.

She responds.
IT'S A DISORDER YOU FUCKING INSENSITIVE PRICKS.
I don't think that's what they were talking about.
I'm not sure why I'm defending them. I have no clue what the writer's block was even about today.
Maybe they are talking about multiple personalities, shit.

Agreed. I have contacted LJ to see if they will remove this topic. As a person who has DID/MPD, I was triggered, and I find it highly discriminatory. Imagine if they used "tell us all about your type of cancer" as a topic. Would THAT fly?

I imagine cancer patients and survivors have more to do than be butthurt over a nonsensical statement on a shitty has-been website dominated by Russians.
But I only work at a grocery store so here I am.

Big time. They are making me wonder if my $20 a year toward my paid account is worth it.

HOLY SHIT.
SEE, LIVEJOURNAL?
I would have only charged you 15 dollars to go over this writer's block. Honest to Christ.
My services could have saved you possibly tens of dollars today. You're hurting for business, don't act like you can tell people to eat a cock.
Also 20 dollars a year, seriously?
That's like a quarter of a penny a day.
Don't act all entitled over 20 bucks a year. My game charges me almost that much a month and it frequently tells its consumers to go fuck themselves when they're off their asses.
Which is more often than not.
Here's a post about Kony.
I can't believe I'm bringing attention to this nonsense but Joseph (I think) Kony is an African dictator in-- Uganda I believe.
So already this is more than I want to know about this guy but apparently he's a very mean man and has committed genocide and incited ethnic riots and employed child soldiers and all sorts of other naughty things.
And white people on the internet are very angry at him.
Of course when I ask why him over the literally hundreds of other dictators as bad or worse than him I'm met with blank stares because they're all 16 year old girls high on their first crusade.
This reminds me very much of that organization at every high school ever Amnesty International.
You know that group that draws a third world country's ruler out of a hat and decides he MUST BE STOPPED THIS WEEK and so you can write a strongly worded letter and for the change you have at lunch he can be stopped.
Of course I always made sure to ask the girl (invariably a girl) asking for my signature why a man who has no qualms about committing genocide and enslaving children to use as soldiers will suddenly grow a conscience at the behest of a bunch of kids writing letters half a world away and then I was told I was a mean person.
I don't think high schoolers are quite equipped (as I apparently was) to deal with the psychology of a madman.
But they sure fell for that scam of Amnesty International.
I ask you, who is worse? The man who commits the genocide or the carrion that feeds on the carcasses of the weak and ill-fortuned?

I was reading a post somewhere that asked rhetorically: How come the people who aren't stupid enough to fall for Nigerian phishing scams are falling for this?

Are you fucking stupid?
This isn't rhetorical. This has an actual answer.
To convince someone you have to appeal to logic, emotion or ethics.
The Nigerian prince scam only works on the hopelessly foolish as it appeals to neither logic, emotion or ethics.
But this Kony thing, hey. That's an emotional appeal. I don't like to see children hurt so I can stand behind this movement.
And the Ugandan people want freedom just like the founding fathers of my own glorious and prosperous nation did so that's like an ethical thing, too.
It stands to reason that all men would want to be treated fairly.
It has all three going for it.
Only people with superior reasoning skills like my own can see right through this.
I've stated it before and I will state it again: the only thing men like Kony understand is violence. No matter how passionate, he will not listen to reason, ethics or emotions. The only course of action is to hunt him down like a dog.
Of course pussies on the internet don't understand shit like I do.
You guys gotta read a book sometime, holy shit.
Here's a round of "marry, fuck, kill" that's supposedly impossible.

Rush Limbaugh, Kirk Cameron, Rick Santorum.

Suicide is not an option.

Go.

Well I'm not a woman so I can't marry any of these so I guess murder is my only option.

Chex cereal for lunch, because I do what I want. J. had to work today (bah!) so I don't feel obligated to be anything but grubby. Which suits me fine because my uterus exploded.

Hey, lets talk about my uterus.

Hey sure. I'm not doing anything.

The endocrinologist recommended I be put on The Pill.

Me mudder said no. Why? Because the Pope said no. Because JP2 knew all about the pussy and associated plumbing, I'm sure.

I've been playing a lot of FFXIV lately and I wouldn't cross the Pope. He's likely a powerful thaumaturge.

When I turned 17 (coincidentally the same time I became consensually sexually active), my periods stopped altogether. Of course this happened the month that I took it upon myself to get my ass to the gynecologist of my choosing and get a scrip for The Pill, which I couldn't take because you're supposed to start after your next flow finishes. Whatever, I said, and kept going along with condoms. I remember I had one ten-day-long gusher when I turned 20 and then kaput.

I really appreciate this frank discussion of your nether regions.
You know when I woke up today I said to myself "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO THIS FINE FRIDAY? I KNOW, I WANT TO READ ABOUT THE MENSTRUATION CYCLE OF SOME CUNT ON LIVEJOURNAL!" and lo, were my prayers answered.

When I was 23 I started seeing a gynecologist regularly, because J. and I were thinking about having children in the near future. She put me on The Pill, and gave me Provera to start a period artificially. By that point my ovaries were like, calcified.

This warms my heart and fills my muscles with a certain hale I haven't felt in literally a decade hearing about your calcified ovaries.
How many blogs have I said something like "it sure is a shame you can reproduce"?
Well maybe never but I was sure thinking it.
Here's a blog where I can't say that.
That is one thing this blog has going for it.

Children were not in my future.

So I shop at Lane Bryant and keep tweezers in every room of the house. I still get acne. I'm not as pretty as I used to be, which contributes to my agoraphobia (that's another post, people).

Praise
Zeus

About four years ago I started menstruating again. It's painful and untrackable, sometimes I get premenstrual symptoms, sometimes I don't. It ranges between a 25 to 40 days between flows.

If this were a Greek play the amount of gods you'd have pissed off to see this level of misfortune visited upon you would be the length of my arm.
Zeus
Hera
Apollo
Do you know how hard it is to piss off Zeus and Hera at the same time?
Pissing off one is likely pleasing the other so I don't even understand how this would be possible.
You must be an awful human being is what I'm getting at.
Actually I'm not sure what you did to piss off Zeus. Zeus sure doesn't like a whiner but I don't know. His other crimes include hubris and hypocrisy and you seem okay (as okay as a Livejournal user can be) on that front.

Do I resent me mudder for not allowing me to take the meds? Yes. But what I resent more is the bullshit patriarchal belief/political system that indoctrinated her to put the alleged wishes of some imaginary sky fairy, written about in a book thousands of years before commercial oral contraception was available, above the medical needs of her child.

Hera sure doesn't like people who disrespect their parents, that's for sure.
The will of the old gods should be observed not out of fear of damnation but because it is a good idea.
Also I like that bulletproof logic. It's not your mom's fault for being a stupid cunt it's somehow society's fault for--
wait, why is it society's fault again?
Patriarchal beliefs--
okay.

I'm a slut on my own terms.

Well at least Aphrodite would be pleased with you.
Except she is vain and only cares about beauty so I bet she'd be very displeased you make a mockery of her glorious and unburdened ways.
The will of the gods sure is hard to keep track of.

The sexist, homophobic, and sizeist drivel being directed at Jennifer Hepler? Stop for a second, and look at your own life. Then look at this woman who has written for some of the most successful and critically-acclaimed video games in history, who has created memorable, relatable characters that are part of the pop culture landscape.

Here's your tissues. We'll wait while you finish crying.

>Hamburger Helper
>creating memorable, relatable characters
So I'll explain.
There's a company called Bioware and they make video games known for their characters and plot and for actually telling a good story and shit.
This was circa 2000.
Well flash forward to 2012 and they hire some landwhale named Jennifer Hepler who couldn't write a believable character if you gave her the entire biography and told her to slap her name on it and suddenly women (who are now the primary consumer of Bioware games) are throwing a shitfit because the traditionally male dominated gamer demographic doesn't want their games to be a homosexual soap opera where you can skip the fighting to get to more gay sex.
Yes, one of her proposed innovations that's gaining steam is the ability to skip fights in RPGs.
Skip the fighting
in a game
about fighting.
But clearly this is homophobic, sexist and because she's fat.
Not because, you know, she's a scourge.
I'd also like to point out the traditional gamer demographic has never been known for its kindness and another man, Gabe Newell, is also frequently made fun of for being fat and yet no one ever mentions this because Gabe Newell is an all around good guy and doesn't give a fuck and is too busy being a billionaire to care what some nerds on the internet think.
Also he created Half-Life which is more than Hamburger Helper will ever be able to claim.

Hey, Hepler said it herself - they're just jealous because she has a vagina AND works in the videogaming industry. That's when they started spewing their frothy diarrhea all over her twitter, because SHE'S RIGHT.

She is EVERYTHING they want to be and she does what they WISH they could do, and she does with WITH A VAGINA.

Pretty sure the point she was making was she had a vagina and they'll never have girlfriends.
Which is a cunning strategy by an equally cunning linguist.
But when what's attached to the vagina looks like this I think you've kind of lost your point.
The good news is I can sit above it all because I was never a Bioware fan. I considered Baldur's Gate overrated and kind of outdated at the time and the first Mass Effect was an enjoyable but overall forgettable and derivative scifi game.

*highfive* you said it, woman.
Their discomfort with the inclusion of ANY romance in gaming, much less same-sex options, speaks volumes as to their real-life prowess *cough*lackthereof*cough* with meaningful relationships.

Oh shit son got 'em.
Actually every complaint I've ever heard about any romance in any video game hinges more around it being unbelievable or the spouse they chose would not have been one they'd have chosen otherwise.
Nerds being predictable creatures are more than comfortable discussing their lack of real world experience but are well known for being exceptionally choosy in terms of waifus.
In fact I imagine 90% of the problems in Mass Effect's brilliant romance subplot could have been eliminated if you could create your own waifu.
Also in a game where I'm literally a secret agent in space hunting an alien super intelligence somehow my interest isn't talking about purses and going to the mall with some blue slut.
Call this the difference between men and women's fiction I guess.

Seriously.

SORRY NECKBEARDS, WE'RE TAKING OVER. AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

It's like, you aren't going to stop it, so just STFU and keep jerking your mini pork sword to sexed-up comic book characters, because we all know that you can't get any IRL.

You can't have "your" games or "your" little exclusive world back.

Now it's time to play my favorite game:
replace the word "neckbeards" with "blacks" or "Jews".
Suddenly seems a lot more hostile, doesn't it?
But go ahead you worthless cunts, have fun with your gay romance simulators. Your attention spans will lapse as they invariably do and you'll flit impotently to the next Facebook fad.
Ohhh goodness.

I like walking into the local gaming store with J. and having all these hunchedover douchebags having a LAN party suddenly go silent at the presence of ESTROGEN in their dank smelly MANCAVE OF HELL. Seriously, they have no idea how to act around females, its HILARIOUS when I ask questions about shit that ONLY MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT.

9/10 there's a woman working at the game store I go to and they're probably so taken aback at how much of a cunt you're acting they can't see straight anymore.
This is exactly what I was talking about before. Why am I supposed to be impressed by this? You don't see me marching into a crafting store and saying LOOK! I AM A MAN WHO SCRAPBOOKS!
Ignoring for the moment I don't scrapbook I wouldn't expect to be accommodated specially even if I were.

"Hey, do you have any WoW TCG loot cards? Specifically looking for vanity pets if you have any."

"I didn't know anyone wasted their money on useless vanity items in a video game. Good work shedding those gender stereotypes you useless sow."
And then I'd be fired.
Ohhh I can't wait for this girls and gaming fad to die. If only so Edie Finds a Corpse can go back to business as usual.
Look at me I'm a guy and I work in a store that sells cooking stuff
DON'T HIT ON ME SILLY OLDER WOMEN xP

Seriously. All the fucking manchild problems being faced by the manchildren? ARE THEIR OWN DAMN FAULT.

Remember: replace "manchild" with "African American".
If nerds seem angry because you're a woman it's because nerds are very angry people. You just happened to be a woman and in their line of fire.
If you were black guess what?
A Jew?
Asian?
Another white guy just like them?
Doesn't fucking matter.
I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I've been called a racist slur that doesn't even make sense. Angry, angry people.
So I'm going to cut this entry off here because it's pretty much more of the same from here on-- her whining about female problems, her getting angry at white nerds like myself for some reason--
Oh but before I go check this shit out:
And yeah that was a guy who stopped dead in his tracks to look at my character for like 5 minutes.
I imagine if you were a woman in real life that would get very tedious and creepy but fortunately none of you on Livejournal are hot enough to manage that feat.
Hot brown girl?
Full Monk Artifact Armor?
Day 2 of the patch that added said armor?
Edie sure has it going on.
Not pictured: my half completed set of black mage armor.
Anyway this entry is way too fucking long already.
Goodbye.

You people

I swear you people are conspiring to just be up on my tits today. What was with that party today, FFXIV community? I was trying to level archer to 50 because it's my last disciple of war not at 50 but nooo now I'm not going to get to do that before the new patch. Thanks a fuckload, assholes.
How hard is it to pretend to be normal and just grind shit out the way we used to back in the day? You don't need a marauder to get experience. I mean it'll be shitty experience but at least some experience is better than no experience--
I don't want to talk about it.
What I do want to talk about, however, is bitches with health problems.

What is your must-see holiday movie?

One random answer will win a $50 Amazon gift card.

Today's writer's block.
The answer is Die Hard.

Love Actually <3

Die Hard.

I got glutened again. That's where I've been. It's a 6.5 day cycle to get better afterward. Blame Chipotle and their deceptively inviting website that claims it is possible to eat there if you have gluten issues. Uh, no.

"I have a very sensitive system that requires a specific diet"
"let me eat Mexican"
There's this skill called logical induction and you didn't use it here.
You know, logical induction? That part of your brain that lets you analyze patterns to determine rules?
As a rule Mexican food is going to be a starch/meat/cheese disaster so if you have special eating habits it's generally not advisable to eat Mexican.

Cross contamination nightmare. It got me and it got me good. Fortunately I didn't like what I ordered and hardly ate any of it or it might have been worse. I just now have my correct temperament coming back.

Oh, your temperament issues. That's why you're a cunt.
DAMN YOU, GLUTEN!

Good news! When I am not under the effects of gluten brain I feel like writing again. And it is good stuff. I've been struggling for years to get back to the ease I had during college. I've got my mojo back! So what do I start writing immediately...

Let's see, you're out of practice so a good writer would probably immediately write a short story or something that has a certain economy with words so you can focus on the other important skills of writing.
Of course, Livejournal being Livejournal the answer is fanfiction.
Smutty fanfiction, no doubt.

the lowest of the low of the fan fiction genre. I have no shame. It must be written! What I am writing is basically soppy shoujo.

Or "pseudo-lesbian encounters" as we say in English. I'm going to give myself full points for that one, though.

I've been absent lately. There has been a zillion reasons for this. The most recent being that I glutened myself on Sunday after making it through all the holiday eating unscathed, and am pretty much useless right now.

As opposed to other times when you're positively productive.

There is a big mood swing that hits when you are glutened and I noticed it this time. Like I was observing myself from afar and tisk-tisking myself in disapproval. I can see that my reactions are different but besides limiting the situations and opportunities of bitchiness I am exposed to I can't really seem to change my reactions. Raging bitch mode, activated.

Couldn't that be a personality flaw and not the protein found in wheat?

At least I know what's going there. Month's prior to figuring out my diagnosis I just thought I had lost my ability to deal with stuff. I'd think, "I've been through way worse than this? Why am I not able to shrug this off?" Damn gluten.

Have you ever seen a shitty 80s action movie where a guy suddenly gains super powers because he's on PCP?
I'm suddenly reminded of that situation, only with gluten.
And instead of super powers it's whining.
So it's nothing like that. Ignore me.

The Christmas party for work is going to be at the country club instead of my boss's house. And catered. So I won't be able to eat anything short of dry carrot sticks. I had planned on bringing stuff to her house, but I can't bring stuff to the country club. I'm thinking about not going at all. I do not want to be glutened right before Christmas.

Or you can go and not eat.
Except it'd be really boring but if that's what you're expected to do--
I dunno.
I'd say fuck it and play the juego myself.

I locked myself out of my apartment today. It was one of those, "This purse doesn't go with this outfit. I can just stick my phone in my waistband and hold my usb and wallet...now out the door..." (click) "Oh no! My keys! In my purse! Noooo...." (second later) "Interesting."

Time to kick in the front door I suppose.
Also what's interesting about locking yourself out of your apartment like a dumbfuck?

This work week was something else. Working late every night again. Boss off today and Monday. Copywriter off yesterday and today. I don't know what the hell is going on only that I have two computers and five monitors that I am working on and a zillion windows open. As I shut down tonight it was like excavating down to the desktop background level and restoring things back to 8AM conditions.

Do you really need to tell the world this?
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY COPY EDITING JOB, LIVEJOURNAL.

My normally rock solid and collected podmate went a little nuts today, understandably, but as the calm center of the pod him going crazy threw the rest of us off. J_ started laughing and throwing zingers at everything and he rarely acts like that and my sailor vocabulary while driving has turned into sailor desk jockey.

That doesn't even make sense.
Sailor desk jockey, what?
Why am I reading about this?
What is wrong with you?

Plotting. Intrigue. Just another week at an ad agency. Mad Men is coming back you say?

This plotting and intrigue sounds like a bunch of cunts whining about bullshit. Machiavelli would be sorely disappointed in this.

And on that note, I drove out to B&N over my lunch hour to pick up the ESPN Body Issue and they didn't have it. I didn't realize how awkward it would be to ask someone there if they did have it. "Which is it?" "It's the one...well...you see..." I was an art student. This shouldn't be awkward. Stop judging me!

"I want that Sorts Illustrated with tits prominently on display."
Don't be a pussy, good grief.

There was a Danish guy in the office today. So yeah, I had trouble concentrating. I love that particular accent. Could listen to it all day...and I did.

I'm having these delicious crackers with more gluten than you can fucking imagine right now.
Oh man these are good.
How can you not eat wheat?
The ability to eat wheat is practically what separates us from animals. And you live in Texas, so what I'm getting is you're not even human. Why am I reading your pig squeals, again?

An interesting fact about you: I applied to the CIA twice.

You know you're not supposed to say you applied.
SHHHHHHH.
This is why they didn't hire you.
Can't keep a secret and you want to work for an agency based entirely around keeping secrets. Good fucking job.
They probably took one look at this blog and said "no, she'll post top secret shit all over this and we'll be nuked within the hour."
Here's a post entitled "I was going to fill out that NPR's 100 most popular scifi list..."
I can't wait to hear your opinions on scifi.

...but I don't think I'll bother. That isn't the list you should be looking at to read anyway. Look at the semifinalists.

I left the link in for once because, ehh.
Except for Stephen King appearing on the list three times, Neil Gaiman three times, Margaret Atwood twice and not a single mention of Roadside Picnic it looks like a damn solid list. It even included Armor and A Scanner Darkly.

The people who didn't make it.

Except for Arkady and Boris Struatsky I don't think they've missed any important names in science fiction. I mean except for the fact they included some hacks you have all the important people like Philip K. Dick, Robert Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, etc etc.
Jesus Christ my BFF Dan Abnett made the list, even, for The Eisenhorn Trilogy. A Warhammer book got a nod on this list.
Of course you shouldn't expect a mention of Arkady and Boris Struatsky because you're dealing with the pretentious douchebags at NPR that wouldn't know good writing if it hit them in the face.
The fact we're determining a reading list by popular vote instead of, you know, reading shit and figuring out what you personally like is a pretty good indication of the level of plebeian we're dealing with here.
That said this is arguably the best "best of" list I've ever seen.

If you've read a decent number on the top 100 stop right there and look at the ones who didn't make the final cut.

I already said Arkady and Boris Struatsky.
And while I'm talking about authors with unpronounceable Eastern European names: Andrzej Sapkowski also isn't on the list.

Find all the female authors on there and then read those. THAT will really broaden your reading experience.

No thanks.
That's a critical misstep of logic to assume diverse thoughts come from a diverse group of people (protip: a rainbow coalition can come up with the exact same tripe a group of white, heterosexual white guys can) but I don't even need to get into that when the first female author mentioned is Margaret Atwood.
The biggest female name on this list by far is Mary Shelley and while she absolutely belongs on this list I'd hardly call high school reading a great broadening of horizons.

The lack of some of them on the top 100 seems to me to indicate y'all just haven't read them.

I called them plebeian but the fact a Warhammer book and Armor made it to the list indicates they're slightly better read on the subject than you might suspect.
Why The Eisenhorn Omnibus got the nod and not the infinitely superior Legion is beyond me (I suspect sales had something to do with it) but I can't really fault them over this.
I also find it very interesting that despite not including enough female authors (as if gender is indicative of writing quality) you fail to mention a single name they forgot. I came up with three without even really looking and I just thought of another: H.P. Lovecraft.
In fact, now that I'm looking at this list it dawns on me that the founder of modern science fiction is a woman and she's not on this list. Margaret Cavendish probably should have been mentioned.
Maybe they didn't want two Margarets on the same list.
Cut the other one then, Christ.
But my point still stands. This argument from political correctness is about as much of an intellectual cop out as picking on someone's typos. I know I do that often but I'm seldom making an intellectual argument so it's not hypocritical-- I think--

I went out to the store a couple hours ago because I was out of food (seriously, this stupid app that makes me eat more is busting the bank now) and while selecting some brussels sprouts from the produce area a middle aged dude who worked there tried about four or five times to strike up a conversation with me.

No I already solved women's issues. Go for the eyes. We've been over this how many times now?

His final attempt went like this:

"Are you shopping after school?"

"No, I got hungry. Eventually the food runs out and you have to go to a place like this to get more."

No shit? Is that what you do at a grocery store?
Thanks for the heads up.

"It just looked like you were shopping after school."

I hold up a sprout and look at it. Eyebrow raised. Sprouts are not for kids you know.

"I am much too old for that."

"I - I - I meant college." At this point I think he realized he was in way over his head.

"Ok. Thanks. Well, you have a nice day."

That'll show him.
Being nice to customers, what a dick!

I almost immediately call my sister on the phone and tell her the description of the dude just in case I go missing. Sadly I do this fairly often. Can't resist a girl shifting through the bin of brussels sprouts I guess.

I sure can.
>trying to strike up conversation with a girl
>you're instantly a loser and a rapist
I've said it before and I'll say it again: brown girls, people.
Your rewards for talking to your average American woman are like what's above.
People have tried to make the argument that not all American women are like that (enough are that Guess Who made a song about it) but that is a fair point so I'd like to address that briefly.
You know how two entries ago we agreed it was probably smart to assume all men are going to rape you even if a vast majority aren't just because it's safer?
Welcome. Welcome to the same logic.

I watched ThunderCats episode one at work today in the conference room. Besides there being cats in it (furries, uck) and an over abundance of silly that I left in the past, my male coworkers all liked it.

NO SHIT, A SHOW CALLED THE THUNDERCATS HAD CATS IN IT?
OH MAN!
If you tell me Dragonball Z has things called Dragonballs in it you're officially crazy.
Also I like the remake, even if Lion-o is missing his righteous 80s mullet.

I am not going to begrudge kids their fun, but I don't think it is for me.

For someone who writes fanfiction that came off awfully snobbish.
Ooooooh goodness.
Anyway this is really boring so I'm going to go do something else with my life now.
FFXIV PATCH TOMORROW AND MY ARCHER ISN'T 50 FUCK.

Oh God.

I knew I was in for easy pickings when I saw today's writer's block:

Do you think there will be a cure for AIDS in your lifetime? Why or why not?

This question has all the warning signs. We have a complex issue (pandemics and biology and logistics and economics oh my!) and we have liberal white people wanting to seem tolerant (typical Livejournal user) and we have misinformation about what a disease is and what drug research is (again, typical Livejournal user and not knowing shit about fuck).
Ohhhhhhh boy.
I don't know this person but I've met him a thousand times in my pussy sensitivity classes.

I'm undecided on this one. On the one hand, people are still working on it. On the other, it has moved from being viewed as a disease which affects queer folk and drug users to being viewed as "That thing over in Africa."

Let me answer this question for everyone: AIDS is an unusual virus in that it evolves at an incredibly rapid rate, due to the way its RNA duplicates. You see, most creatures have something that error checks for recombination mistakes and such but AIDS, due to a quirk of evolution, doesn't have this.
This means that most of the new viruses spawned from a single AIDS virus are completely useless and will probably die shortly after they're spawned but AIDS also has an incredible turnover rate. It reproduces so fast that this isn't much of a problem and occasionally an especially strong virus is created.
Hence why AIDS tends to become drug resistant quickly.

If it began affecting heterosexual white people in large numbers, a cure would probably already have been found.

Cancer affects a large number of heterosexual white people (men especially).
Sure glad a cure for that has been found.
Hey--
Incidentally never compare cancer to another disease as a reason for why just because it affects white people a cure won't necessarily be found. I pulled that in a pussy sensitivity class once and you'd have thought I primed a live hand grenade.
All right fine, if it affects white people a cure will be found overnight.
Whatever.

Sideburns are coming along, slowly and weirdly. And the rest of my face is nicely shaven now. :D I figured out a method to keep the sink from being filled with hair - not an ideal method, but one that works nonetheless.

I'm seriously not about to read a post that contains shaving tips, am I?
Oh, no I'm not. That was just an FYI I guess.

Heading out to buy some shoes later with Tod and our new roommate, Milo. :D SHOES. Shoes that are waterproof. WOW. I'll also be on the lookout for some 80s trinkets, to wear with what will hopefully be an awesome 80s outfit on Tuesday for work. The theme is "Your Favorite Decade."

Suddenly I'm not so sold on the 80s as I have been in previous posts.
This is a girl, right?
Oh right he was talking about sideburns so I guess not.
Well have fun buying shoes with your guy friends I guess.
Faggot.

I want to pass this out far and wide, because not a lot of people know about it. There are free cell phone programs for people who are low income. The top two are Assurance Wireless (via Virgin Mobile) and SafeLink Wireless (Via Tracfone.) Apparently the government has been subsidising parts of wireless bills for years, but now they decided just to provide programs specifically for people who would otherwise be subsidised for bills.

subsidized.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz, friend.
Unless you're English which I'm guessing you aren't.
Also I wish I got a free cellphone.

Please pass this on to anyone you know who is low income, and who either can't afford a phone anymore or couldn't afford one in the first place.

I don't associate with peasants.
Okay, so his next post had some sort of symbol that for a long time I seriously thought was a Chaos symbol from Warhammer but upon further study of it it's the male symbol and the female symbol overlapping and there's a third point jutting out from the end where there wouldn't be one if you were to interpose those two symbols (if you can dig it) that looks like a smaller version of the male symbol with a flat end.
Incidentally it's all green.
I have no fucking clue what this is supposed to represent but I'm guessing it has the taint of Chaos on it.
I reckon if you overlap those two it's supposed to represent fucking because as we all know the girl symbol is the mirror of Aphrodite and the male symbol is the lance and shield of Ares who most definitely got it on and unleashed some of the most malevolent gods you can imagine.
It makes sense. You have bloodlust and destruction breeding with lust and desire.
Of course nothing good comes out of that.
So yeah, symbol of Chaos and prepare to be purged, scum.
The post, inexplicably, is about toilets.
Oh but wait:

I was going to rant about transgender rights legislation being labeled as 'bathroom bills,' but I got tired of the idea pretty quickly. I spend a large amount of energy when in public keeping an eye out for transphobia and homophobia.

I spend a large amount of time and energy in public pretending I have a Russian spy stalking me.

Hearing people tell me that my actual need to urinate needs to be set aside because hypothetical boogeymen will dress in drag in order to rape people is getting quite old.

The few times I have to use a public bathroom I try to have several escape or combat contingency plans in case someone tries to mug me while my pants are down.

Can we learn from the whole fiasco of assumign terrorists will somehow use altering gender markers as part of a nefarious plot? In my own informal study, I've found that no straight person will consider using the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy to get out of the military because then they would be labelled as gay and someone else might find out.

I wouldn't use that because I am no coward and wouldn't try to weasel out of military service if I were drafted.
That said I'm definitely not signing up because there is no honor to be gained in modern conflicts.

Egyptian women are now labelling spots where they have been harassed along with the incidents that occurred.

Brown girls of Egypt, I have an out for exactly one of you.

And some republicans offering to give the President the power to raise the debt ceiling - WOW. Thank goodness.

THANK CHRIST LET'S SPIRAL OUR DEBT FURTHER OUT OF CONTROL.

Oh well. I am hoping someone on the magical Ubuntu forums will be able to help me. I'm thinking also of switching to another Linux system, because I can't update to the newest thing, and for some reason most of the programs...

Anyone else surprised this yahoo uses Linux?
I'm not.

Ubuntu, you have made me sad. :/ For some reason, I was no longer able to open any jpegs on my computer after my last update. This...is totally not working for making the art.

Bet it's furry art.
How much you wanna bet?
I will bet all the money I have. I am going all in.

So I finally now get why some people go on a tirade about surgery and therapy and bad decisions when someone they know comes out as trans. These people think that, "I am trans" actually means "I am getting surgery." It didn't occur to me until now that people would actually think surgery is the only thing involved in being trans.

(And no, not the surgery. There is no such thing as the surgery.)

Yeah there is. Getting your dick cut off is the surgery.
There might be other surgeries but that's the thing everyone is thinking about when it comes up.
So here's a question: are you transsexual? If not, shut up about it.
If you are, shut up about it.
No one gives three fucks.

If one is lucky enough not to live in a very homophobic and/or transphobic environment, then coming out will at most be irritating. Even with well meaning, nice people. Inevitably, someone will make a weird comment out of nowhere, because this is the first time they've thought about what someone who doesn't fit the gender binary goes through. This is essentially the same as loudly announcing every thought one has in their head.

Here would be my response: "yeah good luck with all that shit."
Someone told me recently I'm not the most understanding person ever.
No, I understand my own problems very acutely. Did you know they're fucking leves up with tomorrow's patch?
I can think of no greater injustice currently. Because it affects me.
A lot of people would say that's pretty callous of me but I'd say at least I'm being honest.

And the number one comment I have ever received from anyone at a workplace:

What can lesbians do for each other?

Haven't you seen porn? Quite a lot, really.
(probably incriminating myself here)

I kid you not. I was asked this while I worked at a Pizza Hut down south. Most of the employees were waiting for one person to finish their job so that we could all go home at about 1:00 AM.

You're working 3rd (4th? I don't know) shift at Pizza Hut in the South. You should be lucky the people involved could form words that resembled a language.

I feel so tired when it comes to telling anyone what's what anymore.

So stop doing it.
I don't explain leves to people anymore. It's a year in and you have a rank 45. You should know how this shit works. Just follow my instructions and don't fuck them up (which is still nearly impossible) and we'll get through this.
I can't believe the number of people that need reminded when it's time to drop leves.
There are three things you have to do to do leves: you have to successfully link them when it's your turn (made simple because I keep a chart handy and I tell them who links what when it's their turn and remind who doesn't have to link and who has already gone) you have to fight the monsters (made convenient because I often mark which target to attack) then you have to drop the leve before we kill the last enemy so you can get it again next reset.
The only thing I haven't done for you in this process is control your character for you and process the oxygen you breathe.
I have made it so if you are playing this game you can succeed and somehow people still fuck it up.
They are beyond redemption.
Oh right, transsexual business.
Whatever.

The other day someone called to see if there was a man in the house who wanted to take a survey about health care. Yeah, I very much wanted to take a survey about healthcare. It matters to me that views like mine get put out there.

Ew you like taking surveys?
"Get the fuck out of my house you social parasite" would have been my response.

However, several months ago, maybe a year ago, someone else called to give a survey to the 'man of the house.' I said that was me, and he proceeded to argue with me. I then explained that I was trans, that I had had my gender marker changed, so yeah, I am totally legally male. I opted not to go into further detail about birth certificates and selective service because this ought to have been a short phone conversation.

Ahem, men do have to register for selective service.
As a man have you done that?

So when a new survey person called up for a male respondent, I stood there without saying anything for a bit. This person thought I wasn't there, so I finally just said 'no.' I'd really prefer to have said yes, but I feel very tired.

Something resembling a woman is looking at me (apparently) so whatever, lady (or man, I guess, I don't know).
WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS ENTRY?

The local famous drag queen is a member, so it seems everyone's ideas about genderqueerness come from her. There are also gay members, and I'm sure there are bi members. But other trans members who aren't cis people that dress in drag? I don't think so. Never heard of them.

Trans members who aren't cis that dress in drag what?
Are these words?

And I'd prefer to have no problems at work. I'd prefer just announcing it to everyone right off, "Yeah, I'm male, yes I use masculine pronouns and I expect you to do so as well."

I will if I remember but surprisingly my job and my day aren't consumed by trying to remember which pronouns to call everyone so if I slip up excuse me.
It should be kind of obvious but I've long since given up on that argument.

I'm planning on asking my boss whether it would be alright if I just e-mail everyone, because the method I worked out with him talking to people privately doesn't seem to be working. I don't know who has been talked to and needs correcting, or who hasn't and needs an explanation.

Look, whatever you are, I'm trying to teach in this shitty high school. Can you please leave me alone so I can explain to 9th graders what a comma is?
I'm having a time preventing the 7 foot tall known felon from assaulting this other girl.
See, look, I've had to call the office. I need you to stop running your yap and impose yourself between the two parties in this situation. I can't because my phone has a cord.
Or you can use the phone and I'll do it. Either way it needs doing.
(this really happened but fortunately the backup I had in the classroom at the time was also a large black gentleman).

Also, after his taking me aside to suggest, "Hey, have you considered whether or not wearing conservative clothing would help you pass more?"

"Yes I'm trying to prevent girls from getting raped and one of the ways I know to do this is to not wear a skirt with no panties. I know that's sexist and whatever but I need you to go to the office and change, thanks."
Oh my God my life.
What has happened?
She had to know there was a rule that girls can't wear skirts that short and she had to know I was going to notice. Why does she even challenge me on this? Like what, I'm going to let her slide?
If I let her slide then I lose all control and then everything goes to hell so no, march your ass down to the office.
Fuck.
Then she tries to play hardball like I'm not on a first name basis with the enforcer of the school who was an ex Navy SEAL.
You can do what I say now or we can play it the hard way but either way guess who's winning in this situation?
She saw it my way.
Oh, yes, blogs. Sorry I just had what I assume is a flashback.

while I was dealing with the potential of being fired if I couldn't concentrate harder on my work and work faster. I have no fear of being fired now, but dealing with this nonsense is tiring.

Hey there's a thought. Doing your job.
By the end of the year 95% of my kids knew what a comma was and knew how to use it.
Proud moment.

I am apalled. And I wrote a better earlier post, but it was eaten by the Asus EEE PC 1001X and its really awful control functions.

I have one of those and I just don't use control functions.
I know it may seem like common sense but, you know, it's not.

I'm going to write down what the choices are here a bit later, but I don't have time to do it tonight. Anyway, this is all because North Korea released a 'happiness index' in which it was ranked the second happiest nation in the world.

Ha, ha, oh wow.
Now there's an entity I'd feel comfortable fighting.

The first two times that this happened, I simply smiled and went on. She insisted that they never did this - that they were well behaved. The third time I mentioned how many times this had happened, and tried to enter into dialogue with her about how she needs to follow the leash laws. She proceeded to tell me that I was stupid, and that standing still rather than continuing to walk was a dumb idea - that I needed to learn how to deal with her snarling angry dogs.

See this is exactly what I'm talking about. You give people an inch and they take a meter.
I'll tell you exactly how I'm going to deal with your dogs next time you stupid twat: some cayenne pepper will fix your dogs right up, I GUARANTEE.
That's right. Threaten to mace her dogs. Your goal in life is to look five times crazier on average than they are on their worst day.

There is no recourse for me. Leash laws are extremely ineffective around here. In order to have them enforced, I would need the person's name or other information.

Or you could stop being a victim and act like the man you think you are and man the fuck up.
I'm not saying mace her dogs (that is kind of extreme even by my standards) but you could do something.
Get a pitbull and let it run around without a leash. See what happens when they meet each other.
That sort of thing.
So earlier when I said "oh right, sideburns so this is a guy."
Heh, memories.
I'd like to get one more dumbass blogger moment for the road, though.

E-zine articles is continuing with more weirdness. I messaged them about an article on transgender pagan people, because whoever or whatever did their spellchecking didn't recognize transgender or magick as properly spelled.

MAGIC IS SPELLED WITH A C YOU DUMB CUNT.
Fucking witchcraft and sorcery.
THANK YOU.