I knew today would be easy pickings because of the writer's block:
Who pays on a first date?
It didn't take me long to find this answer:
Your mom.
Channeling the spirit of Victorgraywolf, I see.
And just to round out our douchebag answers:
that's really presumptuous of you to assume everyone goes on dates. Better wording would be "do you go on dates? If so, who do you think should pay?"
Remember user "givegodtheglory"?
I wish I didn't.
Anyway this bitch has a lot of the yackity yack so let's dig right in.
Hey there- if you've somehow stumbled across this page, you may not know a whole lot about me (you know, besides what's on my userinfo). Here's a quick catch-up:
I'm an adopted only child (well, if that sentence didn't scare you away, read on).
Your intro post is an essay.
Remember in school when you'd have to write a three paragraph essay?
This is a seven paragraph essay for your first post. Wanna cool it a little?
I grew up in Champaign-Urbana, Illinois, with my excellent parents, one cat, and one dog. I was/am a bookwormy nerdish type. I became a Christian when I was in junior high. I didn't really get it until college, and am still learning more and more about God, and dealing with being a Christian in a very different environment than what I started out in :) I met the man I eventually married when I was a senior in highschool. I was a townie, but I went to college at the University of Illinois. I worked at Philmont, a national Boy Scout camp in the summers, teaching highschool-age boys how to backpack. It was one of the best things I've ever done. I majored in journalism. Carl and I got married on June 14, 2003 between my junior and senior years of college. Around this time, there was a lot of drama, with my friends, with my church, with my college parachurch ministry... it was just a tough time. But it made our marriage stronger, I think.
I mean are you fucking kidding me? I officially know more about you than I do some of my friends.
In May/June 2007, we found out we were pregnant. And then we found out it was twins. And, around seven weeks, we found out that we were going to miscarry, which we did exactly two weeks later.
Are you royalty?
Any time anyone says "we're pregnant" I want to hit them.
Yeah I just said I wanted to hit a pregnant woman, what's it to you?
We had another miscarriage in April 2008, but found out after the fact- the second one was a lot easier. We're now pregnant for the third time, and have gotten a lot farther with this pregnancy, praise God.
And praise God for the two miscarriages too, because it must have been by his divine will that those happened as well.
We're due June 11, 2009, and I'm enjoying the snot out of pregnancy itself, though I'm still working through some of the fear and grief that came with the dashed hopes of the previous pregnancy.
I've met quite a few pregnant woman in my time and the phrase "enjoying the snot out of pregnancy" wasn't what they had to say about it.
Maybe just all the pregnant women I've ever met have had difficult pregnancies.
ETA: We gave birth to Catelyn Jean on June 7th, 2009. She's been an amazingly good and easy baby, and we're very blessed to be her parents. :)
Catelyn.
No, bad, do it again.
Also kinda funny that an adopted child, when finding out she'd have a lot of trouble getting pregnant would opt to struggle through miscarriages instead of paying it forward.
The charity and grace of Christ, eh?
ETA: We recently found out we're pregnant with our second! Another girl :D We're both shocked and excited, and a little overwhelmed by all the changes. We also bought a house, in the Ravenna/Wedgwood neighborhood up here, and did a ton of remodeling, all while juggling the pregnancy, a 9-month-old, two full-time jobs, and a caregiver transition. Whew, am I ever glad that's over with! :)
"But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."
Sorry I'm just reading this Bible thing. Shouldn't you be at home, caring for your spawn?
As the Bible dictates, clearly, in 1 Timothy 3:14?
ETA: Julia Melodie joined our family on August 26, 2010. She's got the most beautiful big blue eyes, and we've taken to calling her "Bug." :)
Ready for the shocking news? This is still the first post.
My church's adoption and foster care ministry had a meeting tonight- I was one of three panelists, and totally broke down in tears talking about how my kids won't grow up wondering if their bio-mom is that lady in the grocery store O_o Which was not at all where I intended to go with my talk, but I guess that's where I'm at.
Yeah, praise be.
I guess.
What's wrong with the lady in the grocery store?
I guess it's more about not knowing who your biological mother is but if you have someone who cares enough about you to raise you, especially if they're not your own spawn then you should consider yourself fortunate enough and not dig too much into something you probably don't want to know anyway.
There are so many awesome families in my church, and I love that they are trying so hard to understand their kids and be good parents- I always leave happy (even if I do cry!). But it is really interesting for me to parent biological children as a person who never knew her biological family! I feel like if/when we adopt, I will understand that kid so much better than my own in some ways.
They're kids. It's not like they have a lot going on to figure out. What, is your one daughter keeping a heroin habit secret from you or something? Of course not, she's four.
Cue 10:30, just as we're getting ready for church, Catelyn swings a shoe around and smacks Julia in the face? body? somewhere with it. Julia begins shrieking, Carl speaks sharply to Catelyn, Catelyn begins crying... and I'm in the middle of trying to put on pants!
HA, FAMILY LIFE, AM I RIGHT GUYS?
Write that one into the Family Circus! That is just the bees knees!
Everyone finally gets settled, at which point I manage to finally button my fly, and I set Julia down to do something or another. Julia walks around the corner, and Catelyn comes running around the other side, and CRASH, they collide.
Fuck church, we're staying home and watching Pokemon. I can't take this shit today.
Repeat every single Sunday.
Pokemon is a much better guide to life anyway. It teaches you friendship and--
stuff, I guess.
What does church teach you? How to hate gays and oppress women, from what I can tell.
So, we decided that Julia obviously needed a nap, and sent Carl and Catelyn off to church :( I'm sad I'm missing it, because I was pretty excited about going,
Excited about getting up early Sunday so you can sit in a room filled with stinking people to listen to some asshole preach about the driest literature known to man like it's a history book--
we have very different outlooks on life, I can tell.
I just want to know how you can name one child something as normal as Julia but fuck up so hard with Catelyn.
Sometimes I think life would be better if I didn't ever read anything on the Internet about kids :) Take, for instance, this morning- a mom on the local listserv sent out a question asking about whether two was too young to take a kid to the Nutcracker.
No.
Next question.
Man, I'd be the least helpful human ever at answering pressing questions like this.
Now, here I am, planning on taking *both* the kids to an afternoon matinee with my mom in December. Catelyn will be 2.5 but Julia's not even close to 2, of course.
It's a fucking ballet.
Well first I can't imagine bringing a child so stultifyingly boring but I don't think there will be any objectionable content.
My ultimate conclusion is stay home for the sake of your children, yourself and the people you'd be sitting around, however.
But I'd already controlled for having them in an area that's easy to get in and out of, and taking them at a time of day that's both kid-friendly and at a time when they'll both be in pretty good spirits and have decently long attention spans.
When you have to lay a contingency plan like that I'd recommend finding a more kid friendly activity.
But now I've got the moms on this listserv all raining on my parade, talking about how they'd never take a child younger than 4, and how really this other mom should go to the one-hour ballet up north, and how their children turned into hellions during the second act...
These are the same twats I see ignoring their spawn in the grocery store so you can safely disregard them. They treat their children like tumors that somehow detached and became sentient.
I think we need a designated 1-2 "do nothing" weekends a month.
"Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Six days shall you labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of the Lord thy God on which you shall do no work."
This Biblical law shit, am I right?
It's almost like you don't listen to the Bible at all.
You know, the book that's central to the religion you supposedly follow.
My religion has no holy text because my people deigned to pass their myths orally and so I can make shit up as I go along. My religion has a proud tradition of making shit up as we go along.
I ... was dumb and didn't realize until recently that there are significantly different *types* of yoga. I mean, I knew there was hot yoga and not-hot yoga, but I didn't realize that there's like... ayurvedic and ashtanga and flow and vinyasa and hatha and yomama.
It's almost like yoga is part of a larger cultural tradition.
But pig Americans, eh? No time to sit down and think about anything, gotta burp up a pizza every three minutes or you'll go crazy!
I was off my game at yoga tonight- not sure whether it was having had a week off last week when Carl was out of town, or whether it was because I gave blood yesterday, or because my back is still sore and I am...
I don't understand yoga.
Why would you bother with that nonsense when you can learn something manly, like Krav Maga or Muay Thai?
I mean you want to work out and be sexy or whatever you stupid cunts think why not be sexy and learn how to collapse a rib cage with one punch?
Julia is up late again tonight (Carl was home with her). I need to get them both back to the routine, though I know it's probably mostly because she's sick. I hope she gets over this soon.
This is the fourth post I've encountered where you are very emphatically not tending to your children. I'm not saying they have to be number one on your list (though they should, but let's take this in small steps) but they should at least be somewhere on your list.
Maybe above yoga one peg. Let's start there.
Oh! Good news, guys! I got a text from my boss, and he is not in Bangkok. I have no idea where he is, but I am super-relieved. Whew. Thanks for your prayers :)
You made it, man. Quit job, learn Muay Thai.
Become Sagat from Street Fighter, kick Ryu in the dick.
Get brown girls.
THE WORLD IS YOURS, MY BOY!
In other news, I need to pick out an '80s Halloween costume for my work party. My boss is coming as a punk rocker, so... what do I do?
Stay home and pay attention to your children.
You just said the one is sick with the croup. For the love of Christ, you can miss the Halloween work party.
P.S. I am totally worrying about my boss- he went to Bangkok, which is, flooding like crazy. They knew it was flooding when they went, but I kept telling him to stay in Tokyo instead of heading into a floodzone. I am anxious for him to respond to my e-mail. If you guys pray, pray for him and his partner to get home safely.
No. He's an adult, surely he can take care of himself.
If the church were taking care of the poor, we would have no need for welfare. And... because it is near and dear to me... I pointed out that there are probably still foster children awaiting adoption in that person's state- and until the last kid's adopted out of foster care, I really can't get too excited about where the government's spending its/our money. They got angry with me and said that I judged them and their church inappropriately- probably true, though they did not answer what their church was actually doing to help foster children, or to help end welfare in their state.
What are you doing to help foster children?
Or no, how about this: what are you doing to help your own children?
"So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."
Man, this Jesus guy.
The girls? They apparently had a pretty rough afternoon- yesterday went wonderfully, but this afternoon, our awesome nanny was on the verge of calling to see if I could come home early. Julia is teething- canines. Canines are the worst. Poor baby. We've been dosing her up, but I was feeling pretty bad for having so much time away from her tonight when she's feeling so yucky.
Oh you feel bad, well that's okay--
but wait:
Yoga was ... tough tonight. I mixed up the time and got there overly early, and I think this is the first time I've gone to class really, actually dehydrated.
Felt bad about not taking care of your own child but, you know, not enough to skip yoga.
Not to quote the one true religion at you but Zeus himself said that introspection is the true path to happiness.
Plus, I must be having a bad body-image day or something- there was one pose they did, which was just simply putting an arm under your neck towards the opposite side with your forehead on the mat...
Introspection. Diligence. Honor. Fortitude.
Do your duty during the day and I guarantee "bad body image" will be far from your thoughts at night.
and waah, there is too much arm fat for me to get my forehead actually on the mat.
Telling you, Muay Thai. If you did that shit your arms would be like steel.
Why did I think it would be a good idea to stay home?
The girls have been up for less than an hour and I've already lost track of the number of times I've had to say "Julia, NO!" (only to have her keep doing whatever she's doing), "Catelyn, be nice to your sister!"
You kids seem bored. Maybe we should do something?
Let's play a game. Kids love games.
What the fuck is wrong with you, woman? Are you seriously getting told by a 24 year old man on the internet how to parent?
I am the opposite of a parent and even I know what to do better than you do.
and had to listen to howling sobs from Catelyn overreacting because I couldn't pick her up while making her breakfast. Oy!
You know if you were around them more there wouldn't be this attention anxiety when you are around.
Christ on a cross.
Yeah, in fact. Jesus Christ didn't die on a cross for you to act like this, I'm pretty sure.
Huh- so, our nanny was taking tomorrow off to go to a conference, and we planned to take the girls in to their old daycare (since we're still paying for it). Carl called on Monday to confirm with them, and just left a message.
Yeah, Carl. I've been pretty mean to the mom here but let's switch to you for a second. Where are you, friend? You somehow get less mentions than yoga.
So, uh, way to go backup childcare plan.
The part that absolutely slays me is how lucky this woman is, by her own admission, that she was given up for adoption only to have two people completely unrelated to her, two people that weren't obligated to piss on her if she were on fire take her into their lives and raise her as their own and yet none of this gratefulness seems to translate into raising her own biological children.
Man, I am fucking smart.
I should write a religious text.
No one would follow it because somehow "it's your own fault, dipshit," doesn't seem like the kind of slogan that most people would want to follow.
Maaaaaaaan I'm going to go play Skyrim. Fuck this noise. I don't understand people.
But killing dragons and bandits, that I understand.
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