So after engaging in such manly activities as breaking up stumps I think it's time for a spot of cunty blogs.
Today's W.B.:
In three words, how would you describe Lady Gaga?
I'm surprised no one else came up with the same three words I got:
"What", "the", and "fuck".
Instead it was mostly LOL SO ZANY ORIGINUL xD but that's Livejournal for you.
I think today's blogger was closer to a good idea but still managed to fuck it up:
Self-absorbed narcissistic Madonna/Cher/Ziggy wannabe
So that's four words at best (discounting the fact that hyphenated words count as two words and only taking one of the Madonna/Cher/Ziggy options) but it is accurate.
Have you heard her new song, incidentally?
The fuck is that shit?
I didn't mind her so much when she had that song called, uhhh, Telephone. That was kind of catchy and I could bop my head along while on my trip to some bullshit pussy sensitivity class but flash forward six months and on my way to my shitty high school I'm having way less fun listening to BORN THIS WAY.
Holy shit that song was bullshit. BORN THIS WAAAAAAAY DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE GAY OR STRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIGHT wow, Lady Gaga. Pander harder.
This is going to sound really bizarre (maybe not), but I'm reading a book right now where the main character is a Feng Shui consultant.
Oh really? The book I'm reading right now the main character is from a planet caught in the early gunpowder age only to be discovered by a more advanced race of space-faring men who take him with them to become a genetically engineered fighting machine.
He then goes on to fight people who are blessed by dark powers which gives them superior reaction times and immunity to pain.
I'm not saying my book is really bizarre but it definitely is compared to yours.
When she meets the love interest, the first thing she tells him is that all the clutter in his office is blocking all the happiness from his life.
There is no love in my book (EXCEPT LOVE OF HONOR PERHAPS, HAAAAA)
Which isn't to say there's never been a Warhammer book about love and marriage.
There was one.
Of course the marriage was an arranged one to prevent a political assassination but you know, still.
This post is a lot like the Seinfield show - it's gonna suck.
Burned the fuck out of Seinfeld.
Why? I don't really have anything to make fun of or get upset about or add to the collective intelligence of the universe.
>Collective intelligence
>on Livejournal
Haaaaaaaw.
Why am I posting then?
Oh, same reason I assume Livejournal itself is still around.
To spite me.
Because if I don't I'll get out of the habit of looking for things to make fun of, get upset about, or add to the collective intelligence of the universe.
See? Exactly.
I mowed a friend's yard last night and now I can barely move.
I broke up a stump today with a pickaxe.
MANLY AS FUCK.
I read a book yesterday from Ellora's Cave that had no sex whatsoever in it. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
What is Ellora's Cave? Is that what you call the cavernous stink hole known as your vagina?
I despise and detest my Motorola Flipside phone. I have named it Darth Cell. It doesn't hold a charge, connects to the internet whenever it feels like it, and likes to download things I have no interest in.
Sounds like you don't know how your phone works and so you're blaming it for your troubles.
Farmville doesn't realize that we all listened to Madonna in the 80s so we don't need a cheap, less coherent clone now. (I am more and more convinced that Lady Gaga is actually a Madonna clone. Think about it. Madonna lives in England now and that's where they first cloned those sheep, remember?) I don't see the connection between Farmville and Lady Gaga.
I'm just really amused you think the average Farmville user is old enough to have been alive in the 80s, let alone remember them.
I mean I realize they wanted the cross advertising, but those of us who could care less could have been allowed to opt out.
I dunno my mom plays Farmville and some of that shit she can grow because of Lady Gaga month or whatever seems pretty psychedelic.
I know the easiest way to opt out is not to play the stupid game. Shut up. You don't know how bored I get.
And the only video game ever made is Farmville.
If my Netbook, which is literally only built for browsing the web can emulate the SNES perfectly then surely whatever shitbox you call a computer can run one too.
Actually no, let me back that up: I have a legacy computer that's literally a 486 and is stuck on a DOS command line and it can run an SNES emulator with no troubles.
Unless your computer was literally made in 1990 you can run an SNES emulator.
And I really am bored lately. I can't get back into writing. I keep thinking I will, but I know to write the story I want to write, I have to go back and edit what I've already written. All the OOC PWP has to be exorcised before I can write in character PWP.
I'm in the middle of writing the greatest story of the last 20 years and I literally have no clue what PWP is. Maybe I'm not such a good writer after all?
I have to assume "OOC" is the same acronym it has always been: "Out Of Character" but the fucking fanfiction community seems to apply terms incorrectly.
Then there's the other story I started that needs the OOC PWP cut out so I can write in character PWP. I'm sensing a pattern in my writing.
Well, let's Google.
According to Google it can stand for "Parents Without Partners" or perhaps "Packaged With Perfection" if it refers to a company or hey, here's one: Pers' Wastaiset Produktiot if we're feeling Finnish.
Ohhh, okay. According to Wikipedia it stands for "Plot? What Plot?" which is really telling that not having a plot is so common in fanfiction there's an acronym for it.
Maybe this is my own inexperience showing again but I pretty much just have a couple of characters in mind and then a vague plot ready to go and everything pretty much writes itself once you can answer a few (deceptively) simple questions:
1. Who are my characters?
2. Why does my audience care about my characters?
3. What are my characters doing?
4. Why are they doing it?
5. Why does this matter?
If you can answer these five questions you pretty much have all your bases covered.
I know what I need. I need a schedule. I need to go to bed early and get up early. I need to write before work then come home, make dinner, and write some more. I also need willpower and a good work ethic.
You know what I do? I wait until I can barely keep my eyes open to start writing. But first I talk to idiots on the internet to get angry.
Sometimes I fall asleep while writing and have horrific nightmares and then I work that in.
Name one good author who didn't have visions while writing. I defy you.
I made another post over at Dreamwidth. I'm not going to cross post it here. Why? Well... it's a book review of something that some of you might not expect me to be reading due to its content.
So you're going to talk about something you wrote without cross-referencing it.
That sounds like an entry I made recently where I accidentally linked the FFXIV forums instead of the blog I was reviewing.
I've found the easiest way to ignore things about people I love is not to know when they're doing something I don't want to know about. Needless to say, posts over there are going to be mostly NSFW and NSF the "Aunt Cookie, wonder mom" image some of you may have of me. While it's always easier to ask forgiveness than permission,
It really is easier to ask forgiveness than permission.
In fact I used this nugget of wisdom when I disbanded my linkshell in FFXIV without clearing it with the other bros in hopes that we could reform it.
We have more active members than ever now, thanks in large part due to clever timing and clever marketing tactics on my part (inflame people then post porn to attract interest).
Four days and we have 35 members.
See, punks? I know what I'm doing.
That's why my character has a gold star next to her name and you have nothing or a silver one. I'm the admiral of this sinking ship.
I met Mike's English teacher too. He was afraid, very afraid. Evidently Jake told Mike's last English teacher about my threat to correct her spelling and grammar and send her email back to her *snicker*.
If you find an error in my emails I send to parents you are mistaken.
Oh the power, it grows on me. He was cute too, but he's an English teacher and scurried away as soon as possible. I don't find scurrying attractive.
I will fight you.
The first step for some authors needs to be buy a dictionary. I understand getting caught up in putting the story down, but seriously re-read before you hand it to an editor.
If you're using a dictionary to write a story you are a twat.
If you're just using words you know that happen to be large you may still be a twat.
In conclusion: watch out, you're probably a twat.
"His body shuttered involuntarily as he closed his eyes."
Shuddered.
But then again you're clearly reading gay pornography so I don't exactly expect a masterful production.
Don't get me started on people using "lathe" when they mean "lave". Okay, I'm started. Really? You spun her nipple and used a carving tool on it?
Sorry I'm still recovering a bit from "spun her nipple".
There's a poll pitting Nathan Fillion against that guy from Lost who ended up a vampire asking which of them is more of an alpha male.
I'd have to opt out of this poll because I have literally no idea what's going on. Almost none of these words even make sense to me.
Neither is not an option. I didn't see a single match up on that poll that contained an alpha male - according to my definition that is.
According to the commonly accepted definition, then. I'm sure the poll didn't take into account your highly specific definition.
My alpha male is strong and dangerous and takes charge whether you want him to or not. He makes your panties melt with a look.
... So according to the commonly accepted definition you also share, what?
Are you fucking with me?
Then there's the rock hard body and the magical wonder schlong of lurve. That's alpha. An example of alpha: Seeley Booth.
Oh take it down a notch, lady. I'm going to get a hose.
Which is better? In the jungle, the alpha. In the living room, the beta. Alpha's tend to take themselves too seriously. Beta's have more fun in my opinion.
You know what I would love to read (maybe write)? An alpha losing the girl to a beta then finding his own alpha girl to go be dangerous with. How awesome would that series of books be?
I'd rather--
I don't know what I'd rather, actually.
This idea is so monstrously stupid and antithesis to everything I hold cool that I don't even know how to adequately deal with this sudden onslaught of douchebaggery.
I looked and I've been writing my "practice" novel for four years. Four. Years. It has six Word files now because - and not many are aware of this - Word documents have a maximum character count. Yeah.
So usually when you have an idea for a story it has this thing called an end and when you reach it you stop writing.
It can be hard to get from the beginning to the end, though, so a lot of stories strategically employ what we in the business call "the middle" which is kind of all the shit that gets you from the beginning to the end. The middle part is usually the interesting bit.
It takes me months to read it from the beginning to see how far I've come in my writing.
Another good idea you might want to use (and it takes a brave heart to do this) is to write something, let it sit for about 24 hours then come back and reread it and, and this is the important part, with a critical eye seriously assess how good it is.
You might be surprised how bad it is.
I have an excellent story idea I'm afraid to write. I have my Nano which could be pretty good if I cut out all the OOC pron that I put in to get my word count up fast (again, why does sex write faster?)
I-- what?
Someone I don't know gave my book 2 stars on Goodreads. I'm actually happy about that because it means someone read it. I'm sorry they didn't like it and I wonder why, but at least someone besides my family members (and Ralph) read it. I'm terrible at promotion.
What's your book called?
Even if it's shit I can get you at least 30 readers by tonight.
In fact, the worse it is the better. I can have an entire legion reading it "ironically".
You might want to give me the files, though, because I'm going to strategically leak it.
Not that kind of help - well I do, but that's not what I'm here for today. I need ethical help. I need someone to help me understand.
MASTER OF ETHICS RIGHT HERE.
Just Cookies in Indianapolis City Market may be evicted from its stall because the owner refused to make cookies for National Coming Out Day because he had a religious objection.
The grounds for his objection are irrelevant. Guy didn't want to do something that is his business.
Literally, he owns the business. If he didn't want to give free cookies to kids in a cancer hospital that's his right. Then it's your right to call him an asshole and not buy cookies from there and implore your friends to not buy cookies there and before you know it he either has to change his way or go out of business.
CAPITALISM~
He discriminated against a group of people/customers because of their sexual orientation and that is Wrong. Capital W.
Irrelevant. Maybe I don't understand the specifics but does he have to donate the cookies?
Maybe the loss of capital to his business made this unacceptable and he's using religious grounds to strum up sales?
He has the right to his religious beliefs. His religious beliefs may have cost him his business. Is that discrimination too?
No, no it isn't.
Not everything that happens to you is discrimination.
I think if someone walked up to this business and said I need 1000 sugar cookies with rainbow sprinkles period, the guy would have sold them and added another notch to his profit rolling pin. This customer didn't walk up and say "I want 1000 sugar cookies that look like a pirate flag, but where the skull is put labia and instead of swords I want two penises crossing."
Oh, they're buying the cookies?
The toolbag turns down perfectly good business then fuck him. He'll be out of business soon enough if that's his prerogative.
They wanted rainbow cookies. How many million Rainbow Bright themed birthday parties have there been since 1982?
Excuse me for answering a question with a question but how many Rainbow Bright themed birthday parties have there been since 1987?
If they hadn't said what it was for, this wouldn't be making national news and this guy wouldn't be about to get his ass protested on.
Better think twice before turning down business, I say.
Or at least wait until you're me in FFXIV where you literally have any given market you want cornered and you can name your price.
In fact I've taken up the habit of buying undercut items and selling them at market value.
LOADS OF MONEY.
Dodore vests are great because people will sell at 2.5 million instead of 3 just to sell quicker.
THAT'S 500k PROFIT.
Incidentally I still don't own a Dodore Vest despite wanting one specifically because they're too expensive.
Something I've helped create.
AHAHAHAHA
Not that I condone his actions. I don't. I think he's an asshole. I think I'm going to go order labia/penis cookies for the baby shower I'm planning.
Two mustaches wrestling over a penis.
Let's all think back to the bakery in New Jersey that refused to make a Nazi themed birthday cake for some whack jobs who named their poor kid Adolph. It was wrong for them to name their kid that. It was wrong for them to ask a bakery to make something so completely and totally offensive.
Adolph is a perfectly acceptable name.
Except Adolph Hitler ruined it for everyone.
Rainbow cookies aren't offensive. Being gay isn't offensive to me, to you, to that person over there, but it was to this moron running Just Cookies.
I actually consider such unrestrained use of color offensive.
TWO COLORS PLUS SPOT COLOR ONLY.
Is it my place, the governments place, your place to force this backward Bible thumper to make cookies for National Coming Out Day?
I mean if you can I don't see a problem.
The ends justify the means, et cetera. I just consider my solution far easier, more sensible and everyone ends up looking like less of a twat to boot.
If this guy had said I don't have time to make rainbow cookies, there wouldn't be an issue at all. The group would have done what they did - had another bakery make the cookies.
Also a good point.
DON'T YOU QUEERS LOVE TO BAKE? MAKE YOUR OWN COOKIES.
Now I'm just being offensive for no reason.
No news story. Some other bakery got to notch their rolling pin. No, he had to make it about religion. Did he do it on purpose or am I being paranoid?
No, creating controversy definitely isn't a marketing tactic.
See what I mean when I say it is really fun and profitable to manipulate people?
They even know they're being manipulated and yet they're too stupid to do anything about it.
This opens up a whole 'nother can of worms. Homosexuality isn't contagious. It isn't something you can become against your will. It's not a deviant lifestyle that needs to be squashed out before the world is overrun. It's love. Isn't that what Jesus was all about, religious wing nut?
Isaiah 66: 16: "For the LORD will execute judgment by fire And by His sword on all flesh, And those slain by the LORD will be many."
Oh I'm sorry, I was just reading this BIBLE book. Very interesting, sometimes.
One of my favorite Bible quotes too, that.
Doesn't it make God just seem fucking crazy?
Now imagine you replace "the LORD" with "Hitler".
"For Hitler will execute judgment by fire and by his sword on all flesh, and those slain by Hitler will be many."
HOLY SHIT IT REALLY HAPPENED.
He even said love those you don't agree with because that's the true test of faith in Him.
Not down with Jesus? Okay, the wise philosophers Lennon and McCartney spoke "all you need is love" over and over again actually.
And Lennon was shot to death. Apparently we need a little more than love.
Also Bacharach in his wisdom spake "what the world needs now is love, sweet love." Tell me they're wrong, Mr. Cookie man?
I don't even agree with the cookie guy but you're wrong. We can't all just sit in hippy-dippy circles and love. That's not how the world works.
I mean it's a nice thought and all but it's really akin to being Mrs. America and saying she'd give everyone a million dollars and a basket of puppies.
Nice sentiments don't really fix problems.
Intellectually, I know it's wrong to make Nazi cakes and it's wrong to not make rainbow cookies. They're totally different things. Nazis did horrid, horrible, inhuman things to other human beings and the people who still spout their rhetoric need serious mental help. Homosexuality isn't hurting anyone. It's not going to hurt anyone. No one's going to say put this rainbow badge on or we'll kill you.
One could argue forcing this guy out of business simply because he disagrees with you is exactly what the Nazis did but whatever.
5000 rainbow cookies would get tiring.
I don't think this guy should be forced to make cookies he doesn't want to make.
I'd need a cake or something in between to break up the monotony.
Although maybe not because I can sit for 5 hours and make nothing but toadskin vamps in FFXIV, propelled purely by the amount of money and skill points I'll make.
On the other side, I don't want other people holding up this guy and saying "he didn't have to make cookies so I don't have to change this gay couple's oil on their car because it's against my religion." Which would obviously be bullshit, but the precedent has been set.
Slippery slope argument, I dunno.
Who among you has wisdom for me? I grew up in the most sheltered of sheltered environments.
Yes I have simple wisdom for you:
Exitus Acta Probat.
The end justifies the act.
If he didn't want the money then that is his fucking problem.
Anyway speaking of Machiavellian business tactics I suddenly feel like playing some FFXIV.
I have a great idea for a new venture.
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