I WANNA BE YOUR SLEDGEHAMMER

Today is Paperwork Friday, because 90% of the posts were about friend list (or "flist" as it's frequently called on Livejournal) cuts. I like to imagine whoever is posting this is talking like how a coach might to a football team when this is happening.
So here we go with our blog for the day: "he waits for the greater silence"
I don't know what that means but rest assured this is a man, and he doesn't seem to be gay, though the BRIGHT PURPLE microfont on a black background (very blinding too, thanks) might lead one to believe otherwise. Oh, also his avatar is a girl.
So let's figure this out.

Lately, I've felt like I'm that guy that everyone tells secrets too. It's as if I can look at people and I can see them differently than anyone else can. For instance:

Very interesting captain, but I'm pretty much the lorebearer for my entire circle of friends so this is old hat for me.

I know how one person feels about there best friend and it cascades this different light about their friendship.

Oh wow you know how people feel about each other! Aren't you on the inside track?
Tell you what, chief, when the deep dark secrets come out and you know for a fact you could, if you so chose, play those off each other for disastrous effect then you're officially "the secrets guy".

I know how to turn a certain girl on so much that she will jump on my lap and fuck my brains out.

Oh that's really--

But she says she doesn't want to have sex again till marriage.

AGAIN until marriage. Great. Real catch you got there, friend.

interestingly enough, whenever I say to someone I met a "smart chick" once, girls get really defensive as if I mean it is them.

Why would you get defensive about that? You have some friends, friend. Just end that statement with "don't worry I still think you're functionally retarded."

Yesterday I asked my friends/coworkers a pretty important question I think

"would you go out with a girl knowingly that the night before she sucked off one of your close friends?"

My first question to you would have to be "what brought this about?"
Also, yeah I think I would. Provided she brushed her teeth some point after that and before our meeting, of course.

I was struggling with my own views and answer on the situation. I was on the fence about it for 10 hours yesterday. Hearing their answer made it an even easier choice.

What, did this happen to you or something?

you know what I really hate? How girls can look so immensely sexy without even trying.

Yeah fuck that, man. They should all be hideous :c

They have so many options to look so damn desirable and what about guys what do they have?

I don't even know what to say to you right now. Who cares?

It's really interesting to hear that people talk about you behind your back.

I've only caught people talking about me several times behind my back, but it's almost universally positive so I'm not really sure what having someone "really" talk behind your back is like.
You're going to have to tell me what being an unlikeable douche is like sometime.

the biggest reason i think i can never find "love" is because i have a wondering eye.

Wandering* eye.

Okay, I've had enough. No more filipino girls, unless they are part flip.

...
What?
Flip is an "ethnically insensitive" term for Filipino, so I'm not really sure how you can--
Oh I bet I know what happened. Started working a girl over, got to the panties zone and oops! found a bulge.
Gotta be careful of those Southeast Asian broads, man.

I threw in my two weeks notice at hollister.

This reminds me of a very fun game: The Hollister Game.
Since all Hollisters are laid out on the same bizarre circular pattern, try to make it from the entrance all the way around the store and back out without being asked of you need help. If you want to play "Dante must die" mode, try to make it to the other end without getting that "you shouldn't be here, nonhipster" look.

I feel rather wretched and horrible. And no I'm not going to elaborate.

So why are you posting?

Turns out having a lip tattoo that says "Fuck off" is a deal breaker when joining the marines. Now I'm super glad I got a lip tattoo.

... What the fuck is wrong with the marines? I see some yahoo with enough crossed wires to get the word "fuck" tattooed to his face and I see a perfect candidate. Although the real reason the marines didn't want this particular yahoo is because he's a goddamn pussy but really I think the marines need to reexamine their recruiting practices.

Lately, I've noticed that whenever I come up with tattoo ideas, they always seem to relate back to greek mythology. For instance, my next tattoo is going to be a flock of ravens (4 in total). Those ravens are in reference to Huginn and Muginn, Odins two ravens that stand for Thought and Memory.

That's Norse mythology, idiot. At least try to understand what you're tattooing to your skin forever before you do it.

A tattoo idea I'm mulling around in my head is a wolf, specifically Fenrir. Fenrir apparently ate Odin and Odin's son ends up slaying the wolf.

... No, that's-- actually, forget it.
Christ.

How can you respect a man, who isn't a man, but rather a coward and acts out like a child?

I think Warhammer is patently clear on this issue:
++COWARDS DIE IN SHAME++

Random thought: I like girls with short hair. I'm also really diggin' girls with brown skin. I have no idea why.

Well while your opinions on women are endlessly fascinating, I think it's time I find something more productive to do with my time.
Like sticking a pickaxe up my nose, perhaps.