Why you would do this at all I have no idea but all right whatever I'll roll with it.
Fearless is not the absence of fear.
It's not being completely unafraid.
Fearless is having fears.
So there you go, people. Even having no fear is having fear. Good work, whoever wrote this. I seriously doubt it's you, Cassandra, since you don't seem to be possessed of enough insight to possibly say something like this, stupid or no.
When I go to a dictionary and look up fearless I see this as the definition:
free from fear
So the attribute of being free from fear is still having fear. That's like saying not collecting stamps is a hobby. This is stupid and you're stupid for even repeating it.
Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.
While I appreciate the grimdark vision of fear and fearlessness this is really getting tiring.
I think it's Fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else.
Please stop italicizing this shit. It's really hard to turn off.
Also you might call that fearless. I'd call that foolhardy if I happened to be feeling generous and straight up stupid and asking for trouble if I wasn't.
I'm going to stop here out of consideration for you, reader, but this goes on and on.
I really dont understand why i have the ability to be so completly and utterly oblivious to the fact that, im probably setting myself up for a great fall.
She has mentioned this "great fall" several times but hasn't really defined what it is. Based off the name it's like the Eldar's Great Fall that gave birth to Slaanesh and the Eye of Terror from Warhammer, or an event similar to the Apocalypse of Saint John or Ragnarok or similar epic fucking images.
But since this is Livejournal it probably means shes' going to break up with her boyfriend or has to start a new semester of school or she just found out she can't actually be a princess living in a magic castle with unicorns.
Which you can't, by the way, Cassandra. Unicorns are fictional beasts.
But, Im so interested and curious in whats going to happen in the future.
Will it hurt as bad this time? Will it be worse?
Well as they say "in the face of disaster lies opportunity for renewal."
We could conquer the world
if we could say that forever
is more than just a word.
This is so abstract and stupid I won't even bother thinking about it. Forever is a word.
i just realized how vulnerable i made myself seem.
i just realized how truley dumb about this ive been.
shit.
"Truley" indeed. I'm cutting you some slack on your spelling and grammar because I suspect French is your first language of choice so you will be allotted some leeway on this, but don't fucking push your luck.
If theres one thing ive learned; Never trust a man.
Well you're halfway there.
No matter how many butterflies he gives you or how fast he makes your heart beat, its all temporary.
Or you're dating a professional butterfly catcher.
Things have gotton crazy in my brain lately.
Its like no matter how hard i try i cant organize my thoughts, and that results in unorganized actions as well.
I think that's called being a woman.
Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. BURN.
The one that says, "no cassandra go to school" or "dont sleep in class,' is eaten completly from my sleepiness.
So that's what the voices in your head tell you, huh?
Must suck. When I narrate my life in my head I always agree with me.
On top of that, im pretty sure im hurting a couple of people who i care about.
Un-intentional of course, but it seems like everyday they are slipping farther and farther away from me. And its my fault. Even as i try to mend things, i get no response.
I'd like to point out the name Cassandra is Greek, and it means "she who entangles men" so if you are true to your name at all you probably shouldn't feel bad about it.
When will everything come together? Will anyone understand?
As I recall the mythological Cassandra had the gift or prophecy but was also doomed to have no one believe her prophecies.
There's a lesson or a message I'm probably trying to get across here but mostly I'm just trying to show off my huge fucking knowledge of mythology.
Oh here we go, an entry entitled "did you know?" which let's predict my answer:
- yes
- I don't give a shit
The Truth?
My clever words are nothing but words of artists; finding their meaning in my thoughts.
My eyes just about rolled out of my head.
I'll never write beautiful words to tell you how i feel.
Only, awkward, jumbled, promises.
But every one; I swear to be true.
AND YOU'RE DOOMED TO HAVE HIM NEVER BELIEVE YOU HOW DELICIOUSLY TRAGIC.
When im here, i rarely ever hear "im proud of you" or "youre doing great." Its always, "do this do that, you dont do anything around here" blah blah.
Face it, Cassandra. True to your name, Apollo cursed you.
Of course Apollo is a fictional entity so you're just DOOMED the good old fashioned way.
Im sorry, that i bust my ass at a piece of shit job, with nothing to show for it.
Im sorry that you had to help me with my insurance this month because my same peice of shit job fucked me.
Im sorry that you helped chip in for my car because im never going to hear then end of it.
Hey, free car for you.
Im sorry that im not perfect, and i make mistakes, and im forgetful, and tired.
But im trying, im trying so hard.
I just want you to see that, i just want to show you i am going to succeed.
Succeed or fail we all end up in the same place anyway, so try to have some fun while you get there.
That cheers people up, right? When they're down tell them to not be such a downer because they'll be dead in 70 years anyway?
Cheers me up, anyway.
I will be out of here, and out of your perfect little house, and you wont have to worry about helping me out anymore, because GOD DAMNIT IM SORRY THAT IM 18 YEARS OLD AND IM HAVING FINANCIAL PROBLEMS.
Im doing the best i can. why do you have to rub it in my face?
Christ, butthurt much?
Im sitting here listening to some music, and i just decided that if i EVER get married,
that i want me and my husbands' song or first dance to be "I could not ask for more" by Edwin McCain.
It says everything someone in love should feel, and its perfect. I think it will make a special day like my wedding day that much more memorable.
yeahhh.
=D
Ha, ha, ha, girl shit.
I gotta learn to love myself.
I often hear this shit, particularly from girls, and I never really understood this.
What does it mean to "love yourself"? Does it mean to like yourself?
I never think about whether or not I like or don't like myself because it seems to be to be a dead end either way. If you like yourself then fantastic, but if you don't you can't suddenly become someone else, so why bother?
Instead it's more important to work hard to be confident in whatever you do and, most importantly, carry yourself as if you had some bearing and manners.
So exactly like you're not doing, in fact.
I just wanted to find a music player with this fucking song.
i couldnt.. this is the next best thing.
this song gives me chills and gets my heart racing.
something about it...
IT'S FUCKING ON.
Ha, ha, ha wow this is bad. Whining SHIT.
Par for the course of this blog, really.
SOOOOOOO.
Im perfectly happy being single.
Im not alone, and thats the important part.
If your mouth is open you're lying.
It would still be nice to meet someone, maybe?
There it is.
But i want to meet a guy who is actually FUN to be around, who acually LIKES me.
Well that pretty much destroys our chances because I don't even know you and I feel nothing but contempt.
so, why was i so upset. there is obviously a reason as to why. i just wish i remember everything. Since i was drunk, i must be making it all up.
Yes, surely, since you have no memory if it it's impossible for you to have gotten drunk and whored around right?
But you wouldn't be posting this if there wasn't a niggling doubt in the back of your mind, would you? As much as you try to shake it off with flimsy excuses the possibility is there and the worst part of it, the absolute worst part is you will probably never know.
That's your problem, Cassandra. There seems to be a very real disconnect between cause and effect with you. You do shit, then it mystifies you when the chickens come home to roost.
I'd tell you what you can do but short of smartening the fuck up there's nothing to be said.
Well Cassandra, I can't say I come away liking you but it certainly has been real.
Ehh, that's all I have.
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