Camouflage is the color of fear.

Take that, modern military dress codes.
Today we have some... Thing. She calls herself "musochild" and I've contemplated the possible translation of the word "muso" (or "musou" as it's typically spelled) and unfortunately without accompanying kanji or context it's pretty much impossible to know the real meaning.
The problem is that the word translates one of several ways, and all are horrific cliches in these blogs.
The two most likely candidates are 「夢想」 or　「無双」, meaning, in order, "dream (as in a vision)" and "peerless".
I've also entertained the possibility it's not Japanese in origin, but given the internet and blogs as a whole-- nah.
So what do we have here, a delicate, bard soul or Johnny Arrogant?
I'm going to guess both. I haven't read it yet, but that's my gut feeling.

so i pulled an all-nighter.
then at 6am friend of mine who i've known (and liked) for quite a few years comes online, says hi.
then he says that at a camp we went to two years ago, he spent the whole time hitting on me in a roundabout way.
i say 'you should've told me, i wouldn't have said no.'

Wouldn't have said no. Is that a fucking yes or a no, goddamn?

giving up on men. really. they're all useless, unless they're gay. in which they're just as useless, except nicer about it.

I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

do you believe that angels watch from above? the grass is green, but is it green enough?

What the fuck?
No, no, we're not doing this. Next entry.

Name: Claire
Nicknames: Clairebear, Isolde, Princess, Trigger, Clarabella, plus a multitude.

Claire. Hi Claire :3
I particularly like your nickname of "Isolde" first because it's really pretentious but second because of Iseult (as she's typically known)'s bad end. Crushed to death by a Cornish knight.
Nobody fucks with Mark of Cornwall.

About Me:
me?

Really?
WRITE ABOUT YOURSELF.
WAIT, ME?
No, stupid, the other you. Putz.

i'm a little bit strange, i guess. i like beautiful and bizarre and eccentric and weird and wonderful things

Wow how unique.

i'd like to go back to south africa, the beloved country, and fly away to ireland and walk the streets of london in the glooming joyous rain, and run to russia inside a lucent dusk.
i saw a glassmaker today, and fell in love.
aaaaaand i promise i'm not this intense all the time.

I have such a fucking headache.
Unrelated, probably, but still doing nothing to help--

Music:
don't ask this! so much music. right now i'm a little bit into 70's and 80's rock, but i'm a bit of an indie chick normally.

Claire confirmed for hipster bitch.
Speaking of not shit music (the 70s and 80s bit of her sentence): Billy Idol covered Simple Minds "Don't You Forget About Me". I just found out about this.
It's really good, actually. I mean, Billy Idol is always awesome, but there's pretty much no reason to cover the original because it's good as-is, but it's still a really good cover.

plus, i'm a classically trained soprano, and i love to scat.

Classically trained annoying, more like.

Movies:
arthouse and french! oh, and i kinda love star wars. a lot. that doesn't make me a geek.

I always have a problem with people who answer a question like that. What movies do you like? OH I LIKE FRENCH MOVIES.
... Okay? I didn't fucking answer your question with "oh I like American movies," did I? No, I gave you a direct fucking answer. What kind of French movies? I've never seen a French movie in my life because I like my movies to be about cool things like bounty hunters and samurai and shit so needless to say I never have much of a reason to see what's going on in the Land of the Franks, so you're going to have to help me out a little.

Books/Authors:
irini savvides, virginia woolf, ted hughes, sylvia plath, markus zusak.

Oh wow. I've never met someone who honestly admits to liking Sylvia Plath.
Actually I tell a lie: I have met one person. I nicknamed her The Torso.
(She had a really, abnormally long torso. I think she was a xeno)

more weird dreams.

Huh that's almost close to the opening of a really awesome book I know about.

read the new margaret atwood, year of the flood.

I'm not typically a fan of contemporary writers but Margaret Atwood wrote a book about Odysseus' wife, Penelope, that I (for a second) debated checking out. I ultimately decided against it because if I wanted to read a book about women and their periods I'd just check out what's up on Livejournal and add another brilliant entry to my already formidable List of Honors that is this blog.
YOU JUST GOT DESTROYED, MARGARET ATWOOD.
Also Livejournal
Also Penelope
Also literary tradition
Goddamn that was a fucking megaton of a burn.

weird post-apocalyptica satire on christianity and mob rule, crossed with a brothel, some gene splicing and CorpSeCorps.
bizarre. it'll take a second reading to understand.

Huh that's funny. That sounds a lot like Warhammer, except really stupid.

5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last: now? the whirring of my computer. last? through glass by stone sour at band practice this afternoon.

What

going on schoolies on saturday. more yay!

>Happy about going to school on Saturday
Well, Claire, I must say you're not the worst blogger I've ever had the pleasure of meeting but your blog is still pretty fucking bad. Might I suggest trying to be less of a hipster bitch and just rolling more with what you like, versus what makes you look cool?

SEMICOLONS

I have always felt that the semicolon should be filed under the "with restraint" category. Alongside the exclamation point and the ellipsis, the semicolon should only be used when there is absolutely no other way to properly express your meaning. However, unlike the exclamation point and the ellipsis, the semicolon doesn't exactly imply a certain tone. I think if you went through my blog you would find (outside of other people using it [likely improperly, of course]) maybe twice that I've used the semicolon. That's probably being generous. I wouldn't be surprised that I haven't used it at all in the past year and a half.
Actually, no, I tell a lie. I do recall using it once to make fun of someone else using it improperly.
So I'd be honestly surprised if I've used it more than once.
So imagine my surprise when I come across this blog, a blog that manages to use the semicolon a staggering 42 times on the front page alone.
And you'll never guess what: amazingly, not all of them are properly used.
I know, I know.

Kristen's fiery passion, indeed, makes very nations fearful.

I don't know. It's grammatically correct but it lacks the nuances of someone who actually knows how to write (or speak English). Usually when you say "indeed" it's to expound on something, not the OPENING FUCKING SENTENCE. Sometimes you can do shit like that to emulate picking up a conversation at the midpoint but no, this just sucks. Also: "very nations"? Shouldn't that be "the" very nations? Even with a definite article it still doesn't make much sense. The very nations of what? Who the fuck is Kristen?

I terrified and angered several people over a blog I posted on Facebook the other day.

Oh no, you've invoked the wrath of FACEBOOK? What are you going to do with yourself?

Does the fact that I am so passionate about these selected people really scare everyone? Or is it that I wasn't passionate about them, and they desperately needed to feel like it was? Is passion so forgotten and disliked that it's now a complete social taboo?

Passionate FOR FUCKING PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK, sweetheart. Don't act like you're fucking Passion of the Christ (different meaning of passion but whatever) on this shit, please.

I dreamt that I had become relatively successful; lived upper-middle-class; payed my debts.

SEMICOLONS DO NOT REPLACE COMMAS.
I don't know why people have such problems with this. Just look at a semicolon. It's a period on top of a comma. THAT EXPLAINS THE MEANING.
Also she calls this dream "a nightmare" which if those are nightmares I'd like to see your good dreams.
So skipping through some nonsense I come to this:

I have always believed that YHWH misplaced my eyes when he put me together.

Oooookay. "YHWH" also known as the "Tetragrammaton" (not a Transformer, honest) is some sort of fancy-pants Hebrew bullshit for the TRUE NAME OF GOD because his name isn't "GOD" or even "JESUS" it's something so HORRIFIC AND TERRIFYING if you knew it'd blow your mind up like Kenshiro just punched you square in your stupid face.
Which in terms of Biblical bullshit is actually pretty awesome, but I've never actually seen anyone outside of, say, the yo-yos that wrote Xenogears seriously use it.

My mother has beautiful, clear, grey-green eyes. My dad has equally lovely deep brown eyes.

Megan and myself got brown eyes and my younger sister has lovely hazel eyes.

So we can trust God "misplaced your eyes" (God, as WE ALL KNOW, is perfect as his creation, so you're a FILTHY HERETIC for suggesting otherwise) or we can do some high school science to figure it out. I made a chart demonstrating how such a MYSTERIOUS EVENT could occur but I'll spare anyone reading this the details and just call you an idiot.

I wore hazel contacts today, and very little makeup. and people still told me I was pretty.
I believe that there is a certain honesty that lighter colors bring out in me. A certain vulnerability... a realistic me.

Oh please, do continue.

The one I dont want people to know.
This is the part of me that deeply desires to be held by someone they love. This is the one who dreams of her broken past becoming an equally broken future.
When I dont look like myself, i feel more like myself than when I dress normally. There's something wrong with me, I know.

Oh I was just kidding about that "do continue" thing. It was sarcastic, see.
Now she has an "lolxD" post about various philosophers answering the ol' classic "why did the chicken cross the road?" and they're all very douchey except for one from my personal hero, Tomás de Torquemada, first Inquisitor General of Spain:

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Nobody fucks with Torquemada.
He's pretty much the only person directly imported into Warhammer 40,000 with absolutely no changes made to his character and yet he fits perfectly.

I've also, for the first time since I have begun considering at the age of 13, I have decided that it is my sincere desire to be Jewish. A local Rabbi was gracious enough to make an appointment with me so I may ask what I must do to make the conversion.

You know you have to learn Hebrew, right?
Or maybe you don't anymore, shit. The Catholic church softened and doesn't require Latin.

Reflection can be a dangerous thing.

I've had too much time on my hands lately; and too much of it alone.

I'm afraid I've been thinking.
A dangerous pastime, I know.

(kudos if you sang along)

What?
I'm trying to imagine the tune you would play behind those lines and nothing that makes sense is really coming to mind.

despite my low GPA from Otis screwing me over.

Oh look at that handy excuse "MY GPA IS SCREWING ME OVER". Well who got that low GPA?
Listen, I just survived the douchiest semester of college in history and I still came out with like a 3.6 or something. Not my personal best, but I'm not all "passionate" and shit like you are, so you should be able to do much better than me.

But if things have to be this way, I'm not gonna try to fight it anymore.


I've tried so hard,

OH FUCK. Of all the songs to be reminded of, this reminds me of a... Linkin Park(?) song.
I have to hand it to you. Even the douchebaggiest of the douches at least remind me of something like Al Green or Aerosmith. You remind me of Linkin Park.
That's-- that's something to be proud of, I guess.
Now she's quoting the blog of someone else and I can only summarize it as "the ramblings of a fucking mental patient," but it does contain this line:

THE SWORD, NOW USED AS SHIELD.

Yeah that'd be called a parry, bro. Parry and riposte. Basics of fencing, now. Of course only the French can do something queer like add a point-based rule system to sword fighting but okay I'll roll with it. (look up fencing terms for added hilarity. Suddenly fencing sounds like a mix of ballet and gay porn)

I decided to get away this weekend; go to yuma.

So you know what's way fucking better than anything I'll ever read in this blog? 3:10 to Yuma.
In fact, yeah fuck this noise. Going to go watch a movie or something.

:-|

Just rolled past the 1,000,000 gil mark in FFXI, got samurai to level 38 and all in all life was feeling good, another hour wasted to Mee Deggi (got yet another pair of impact knuckles and all I lost was my dignity) notwithstanding, it put me in a pretty good mood. Winter break is about to get into swing with only one more final (Japanese final, I have this in the bag) remaining, life is pretty good. The past two days have treated me well.
THEN I SAW THIS.
I'm not sure where to start, really. I guess it's hard to open properly without first addressing that image she linked, but it's so clearly trollbait (something she even admits to, yet she falls for it hook, line and sinker so I'm not really sure what her point was in pointing out its obvious status as a trolling attempt when it so clearly succeeded). I guess some people can't help themselves?

Do I realize that shipping is not like being in a relationship? Yes.

Have I ever been in a relationship with a real live person? Yes, thank you for assuming I haven't.

"Shipping", as I understand it, is writing fanfiction about relationships. You know that part in Gundam where Amuro acts like a fucking spastic and gets thrown in the brig for two weeks for being a tool factory and Fraw Bow comes to visit him and all you're thinking is "please God let the next scene have Char in it," well some people were watching that shit with bated breath.
I don't get it, mang.
Also I crossed out your last line because "internet relationships" don't fucking count.

Have I ever been in love with someone? Yes.

Have I ever loved someone "enough to respond to their 'Jump' with nothing but 'How high?'" No.

Because I am not a fucking dog.

REMAINS TO BE SEEN WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Just. WAT.

... Sad thing is, I'm tempted to do it. For the lulz.

xD

This annoyed me so much I decided I would share with you all.

In 2010,

Doesn't matter. World is ending.
Oh wait that's 2012. Sorry, proceed.

a Spiderman musical is coming out on Broadway. It's called "Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark." If you thought to yourself "man that's a shit title," then you thought the same thing I did.

Actually the first thing I thought to myself was "I really care about whatever the fuck it is I'm reading."

The worst two minutes I've spent this month were listening to Julie Taymor justify that subtitle by relating some ridiculous story Bono apparently told her about a little kid who once asked his dad to "turn off the dark" rather then "turn on the light."

Really? Good month, then.
I mean yeah it features Bono, which in terms of shittiness probably ranks up there, but hey.

Oh, did I forget to mention? Bono and The Edge wrote the score. Excellent.

This does sound pretty dire. Spider-man is pretty much a fagort anyway, so adding a score by U2 doesn't help.

The Smut Writer's Meme: Name any pairing from past or current fandoms and ask me a question. I'll tell you anything you want to know about their sex lives from my own personal fanon.

Wow that is a Thanksgiving treat! Also: "fanon"? Really? You know if you had your own creative talent you could invent your own canon of whatever the fuck it is you wanted, but of course that won't happen because you're too busy pondering how "kawaii" Amuro and Char would be together.

Guys. Guys. The crossover fic is writing itself in my head and I want it OUT.

When I saw "With my bb Keanu portraying Spike this is an overload of goodness" in the comments I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.


Just.


Why.



Edit: Someone suggested Dakota Fanning = Mello and I'll admit, I lol'd.

I'm. About 85% certain they were kidding :|

Here was my face when I read this:

You know what's weird about reading this manga?

The protagonist is a horrible, horrible human being. And I have no sympathy for vigilantism. But... I like him!

This must be what they call "good writing", something you will surely never experience first hand.

He's got "death by hubris" written all over him.

That's right, bitch. Nemesis doesn't fuck around.

So I was reading Dan Brown's new book. Yes I know. Shut up. I know they're terrible and they're factually questionable and deliberately controversial, yadda yadda, but they're kind of fun.

Actually they're not factually questionable. It's undeniably fiction.

I think I should learn how to swear at people in Yiddish. Because all insults in Yiddish are hilarious.

Like so: Ale tseyn zoln bay im aroysfaln, not eyner zol im blaybn oyf tsonveytung.

Which means "All his teeth should fall out except one to make him suffer."

LONGEST FUCKING CURSE IN HISTORY.
Get your fucking act together, Yiddish. This is why you're a dying language.

Pick a paragraph (or any passage less than 500 words) from any fanfic I've written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you a DVD commentary on that snippet:

It's kind of funny that you think anyone gives a shit.

Inarticulate rant is inarticulate and ranty, but I am just so.

SO fucking pissed about this healthcare debate right now. Pissed at Obama, too, for even considering dropping the public option. How is that healthcare reform, if you drop that? I don't even think that having a public option is enough.

Heh, armchair politicians.

There's my reaction to this kind of bullshit.

Obama should push this bill through the way he wants it, and say "fuck you" to anyone who complains.

Okay I feel equipped to respond to this. Obama is a fucking pussy. He's a weak motherfucker. He wouldn't say "fuck you" if you shit on his breakfast table. He's a goddamn weak-willed, do nothing wimp.
Gone are the days where there were strong and dynamic leaders.

I AM A BISEXUAL.

I LIKE BOTH WOMEN AND MEN.

I AM REAL, AND I AM HERE. DEAL WITH IT.

I'm bi, if you don't like it deal w/it.
Also: lol high school girls thinking they're bi and admitting to it on the internet so they think guys will find them hot.
Didn't work then, doesn't work now.

Fair warning: do NOT click that link if you're not in the mood to get angry. Not just "some asshole cut me off in traffic" angry, either. I'm actually shaking with rage right now, that is how bad this is.

This is apparently about a blog where women post creepy letters their (presumably ex) boyfriends wrote them. I'll read this, because I'm always in the mood for some FUCKING FURY.
Yeah I read it. Here's my official blanket reaction to your blanket reaction:
Well I have shit to do. Be seeing you, AIDS patients.