AHHHHHHHHHHHH

As you may well recall from last entry, my eyes have been scourged by the fiery darts of Phoebus Apollo, and so today's entry brought my already reeling eyeballs to a state of milky blindness.
Who decided bright (almost neon) green looked good on a really bright orange background? This idiot, apparently.

The only schools I’ve ever gone to have been Catholic ones. For a number of reasons I won’t go into now, looking back on this often makes me cynical, and angry.

k
I went to regular public school and I ended up cynical and angry too. Wonder how that happened?

I often heard this complaint at my Jesuit university: “I resent having to take three theology classes, and treat them as if I believed them. To me, it’s like taking a class on fiction.” Now I would agree.

I wouldn't. You went to a school taught by Jesuits. What did you expect?
That's like when I'm surprised my school goes full retard around snow. I went to a school in the (barely) South, what did I want?

In 7th grade, my Religion teacher was my Science teacher.

Hmm.
Must have been a fascinating lesson on the theory of the humors or perhaps the music of the spheres.

I sometimes wonder if my education could be considered child abuse: I memorized miracles, mysteries, and lives of the saints for quizzes and texts.

Preaching to the choir. I'm about to read The Scarlet Letter for the third fucking time.
I'm 22 and it's still child abuse as far as I'm concerned.

My favorite spells were always prayers to Mary. So that is how I will end this post: Salve Regina, mater misericordiae: vita, dulcedo …

Get the flamethrower. There's a witch afoot.
Here's my summary of the next entry: "there's a summary on Wikipedia of OH FUCK MY EYES ARE MELTING STOP LINKING IN THAT COLOR."

Last week we went to the museum. A whole whale is hanging from the ceiling. Bigger than big! OK, have you ever seen a Volkswagen car that's like a bug? Um huh, you know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, it's called a Volkswagen Beetle. It's sort of named after a bug?

That's how big the heart of a blue whale is. I know it's not possible, but if that heart was in me could I love more?

... You do know the size of your heart, contrary to what Dr. Seuss taught you, has nothing to do with your ability to-- never mind, I'm talking about a girl who thinks witchcraft is real.

(I like to believe that when I write fiction, I explore the possible beauty and meaning of every moment, every image in life. But I am pretty damn vulnerable to despair and distraction when I'm actually living my own life.)

Wow you're really boring. I bet your fiction sucks.
Excuse me I'm just going to EV train my Larvitar while you talk. I'm sure you won't mind.
160 HP, 252 Att, 96 Spe. That shouldn't be too difficult.
There, 290 of 510 EVs knocked out in just a few short minutes.

I am an open-minded person, but I have also learned to be a realist. Please read this explanation of rape culture. I'll wait.

Now that you understand, a little bit, how a young woman is vulnerable in a patriarchal society, I expect you to understand why I will be cautious around you if you are a) a man I don't know very well b) a man as old/older than as my parents (hint: they're both under 50) or c) ANYONE I don't know very well.

Oh look, Foundations of Education has returned.
Oh, Tyranitar needs 1,250,000 exp to get to 100. That's pretty high, actually.
Yet another reason in an ever-expanding list of reasons Ghost Pokemon are the master race of Pokemon: on average they only need 800,000 exp.

I need to protect myself, and there are some things I would like you to assume about me:

Oh I found your protection right here.
Dirty Harry wishes this existed when he was tooling around San Fransisco.
Oh, no her protection is the following: RULES RULES RULES DON'T TALK TO ME.
Don't flatter yourself. I wasn't planning on it.
Christ, your rulebook is bigger than the Warhammer 40,000 3rd edition rulebook.
Which is like 400 pages, incidentally.

I would only like you to contact and communicate with me in the appropriate venue, i.e., the circle we know each other in.

So... MSN?

If we know each other through the Time Bank, message me through that system ONLY, and ONLY if it is about a volunteer opportunity.

Listen I just need a Cranidos if you don't have one you can just say so and I'll find someone else to trade with--

2) I am not looking for a romantic partner right now. Thanks but no thanks.

You know what? I'll just use my Sceptile instead, actually.

3) I have a few circles of friends my own age (let's just say mid-20s). Of course I would like to get to know you at the appropriate venue (see #1), but outside of the clubs and organizations we both belong to, I am satisfied with my social life. Let's keep our relationship (read: friendship) professional.

I SAID FORGET IT, JESUS.
I thought you were cool but it's like talking to a fucking lawyer over here.

4) If you are a man and you're showing an inappropriate interest in me (as defined by points 1-3), I am going to look you up on the Wisconsin Circuit Court open records system, and then I am going to report you to the moderator of whatever group we know each other from.

>inappropriate interest
>friendly conversation outside of her "social circle" would technically fall under that category
Glad I'm a man and don't have to worry about this rape stuff. This seems like a really complicated affair.
Seriously a .44 Mag is like a thousand bucks. You can even get the Clint Eastwood variant.
Worth thinking about.
Well this whole EV thing has really taken off so I better stop here so I can focus on this much RAW EXCITEMENT (when fighting hundreds of Seakings is more interesting than your blog you have fucked up in a way that I can't even describe properly).

:-|

Just rolled past the 1,000,000 gil mark in FFXI, got samurai to level 38 and all in all life was feeling good, another hour wasted to Mee Deggi (got yet another pair of impact knuckles and all I lost was my dignity) notwithstanding, it put me in a pretty good mood. Winter break is about to get into swing with only one more final (Japanese final, I have this in the bag) remaining, life is pretty good. The past two days have treated me well.
THEN I SAW THIS.
I'm not sure where to start, really. I guess it's hard to open properly without first addressing that image she linked, but it's so clearly trollbait (something she even admits to, yet she falls for it hook, line and sinker so I'm not really sure what her point was in pointing out its obvious status as a trolling attempt when it so clearly succeeded). I guess some people can't help themselves?

Do I realize that shipping is not like being in a relationship? Yes.

Have I ever been in a relationship with a real live person? Yes, thank you for assuming I haven't.

"Shipping", as I understand it, is writing fanfiction about relationships. You know that part in Gundam where Amuro acts like a fucking spastic and gets thrown in the brig for two weeks for being a tool factory and Fraw Bow comes to visit him and all you're thinking is "please God let the next scene have Char in it," well some people were watching that shit with bated breath.
I don't get it, mang.
Also I crossed out your last line because "internet relationships" don't fucking count.

Have I ever been in love with someone? Yes.

Have I ever loved someone "enough to respond to their 'Jump' with nothing but 'How high?'" No.

Because I am not a fucking dog.

REMAINS TO BE SEEN WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Just. WAT.

... Sad thing is, I'm tempted to do it. For the lulz.

xD

This annoyed me so much I decided I would share with you all.

In 2010,

Doesn't matter. World is ending.
Oh wait that's 2012. Sorry, proceed.

a Spiderman musical is coming out on Broadway. It's called "Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark." If you thought to yourself "man that's a shit title," then you thought the same thing I did.

Actually the first thing I thought to myself was "I really care about whatever the fuck it is I'm reading."

The worst two minutes I've spent this month were listening to Julie Taymor justify that subtitle by relating some ridiculous story Bono apparently told her about a little kid who once asked his dad to "turn off the dark" rather then "turn on the light."

Really? Good month, then.
I mean yeah it features Bono, which in terms of shittiness probably ranks up there, but hey.

Oh, did I forget to mention? Bono and The Edge wrote the score. Excellent.

This does sound pretty dire. Spider-man is pretty much a fagort anyway, so adding a score by U2 doesn't help.

The Smut Writer's Meme: Name any pairing from past or current fandoms and ask me a question. I'll tell you anything you want to know about their sex lives from my own personal fanon.

Wow that is a Thanksgiving treat! Also: "fanon"? Really? You know if you had your own creative talent you could invent your own canon of whatever the fuck it is you wanted, but of course that won't happen because you're too busy pondering how "kawaii" Amuro and Char would be together.

Guys. Guys. The crossover fic is writing itself in my head and I want it OUT.

When I saw "With my bb Keanu portraying Spike this is an overload of goodness" in the comments I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.


Just.


Why.



Edit: Someone suggested Dakota Fanning = Mello and I'll admit, I lol'd.

I'm. About 85% certain they were kidding :|

Here was my face when I read this:

You know what's weird about reading this manga?

The protagonist is a horrible, horrible human being. And I have no sympathy for vigilantism. But... I like him!

This must be what they call "good writing", something you will surely never experience first hand.

He's got "death by hubris" written all over him.

That's right, bitch. Nemesis doesn't fuck around.

So I was reading Dan Brown's new book. Yes I know. Shut up. I know they're terrible and they're factually questionable and deliberately controversial, yadda yadda, but they're kind of fun.

Actually they're not factually questionable. It's undeniably fiction.

I think I should learn how to swear at people in Yiddish. Because all insults in Yiddish are hilarious.

Like so: Ale tseyn zoln bay im aroysfaln, not eyner zol im blaybn oyf tsonveytung.

Which means "All his teeth should fall out except one to make him suffer."

LONGEST FUCKING CURSE IN HISTORY.
Get your fucking act together, Yiddish. This is why you're a dying language.

Pick a paragraph (or any passage less than 500 words) from any fanfic I've written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you a DVD commentary on that snippet:

It's kind of funny that you think anyone gives a shit.

Inarticulate rant is inarticulate and ranty, but I am just so.

SO fucking pissed about this healthcare debate right now. Pissed at Obama, too, for even considering dropping the public option. How is that healthcare reform, if you drop that? I don't even think that having a public option is enough.

Heh, armchair politicians.

There's my reaction to this kind of bullshit.

Obama should push this bill through the way he wants it, and say "fuck you" to anyone who complains.

Okay I feel equipped to respond to this. Obama is a fucking pussy. He's a weak motherfucker. He wouldn't say "fuck you" if you shit on his breakfast table. He's a goddamn weak-willed, do nothing wimp.
Gone are the days where there were strong and dynamic leaders.

I AM A BISEXUAL.

I LIKE BOTH WOMEN AND MEN.

I AM REAL, AND I AM HERE. DEAL WITH IT.

I'm bi, if you don't like it deal w/it.
Also: lol high school girls thinking they're bi and admitting to it on the internet so they think guys will find them hot.
Didn't work then, doesn't work now.

Fair warning: do NOT click that link if you're not in the mood to get angry. Not just "some asshole cut me off in traffic" angry, either. I'm actually shaking with rage right now, that is how bad this is.

This is apparently about a blog where women post creepy letters their (presumably ex) boyfriends wrote them. I'll read this, because I'm always in the mood for some FUCKING FURY.
Yeah I read it. Here's my official blanket reaction to your blanket reaction:
Well I have shit to do. Be seeing you, AIDS patients.