:v

Here today we have some kind of bullshit. Something I would have hoped I escaped at the end of this semester, but I guess it's rearing its ugly head for one final "hey fuck you bro"
Since, like all people like this, the concept of editing for conciseness or clarity is far beyond their weak kung fu, so I'll take the liberty of fixing that.
So here's a story about murder but she made it boring somehow, I don't know. Her conclusion is that it's "probably for the best" that a guy who killed three people doesn't get out of jail. Taking a controversial stance, I see.

One day my son is going to ask me about the ugliness in the world and he'll ask me how it is one person's actions can destroy so many lives, and why there isn't more done to stop it.

"Read the short story (or watch the movie, whichever) 'Minority Report' and check back with me."
Actually read the story. I won't do anything pretentious like say "it's better than the movie" but it does feature 100% less Tom Cruise.

I think a teenager kinda sorta flirted with me in Wal-Mart today. If he was a day over 18, I'll eat my hat.

The really sad part is I saw him later with his mother, and then I realized why he looked so damn familiar. I know his older brother from high school, and I even went to his house once. His older brother was two years younger than me.

I feel like a dirty old woman. Seriously, wtf?

Way to go, grandma!

We're so completely incapable of respecting women that we don't realize the heroic odds against which women labor to lead full lives.

Maybe it's because I'm a huge mythologfag but I kind of resent the term "heroic odds" in application to average existence.
Even if you hit fifteen royal flushes in a row in poker it's-- actually that'd be pretty awesome, come to think of it. Yeah, when that happens you can call yourself a hero.

And, God, I'm so damned sick of idiots who whine, "But don't you believe women should take basic precautions?! All it is is locking a door....or wearing pants....or not drinking....or not having a life......:"

Having played with a woman character in FFXI for going on a year now, I'm convinced you're fully capable of defending yourself. Just make sure your pants are Byakko's Haidate and you're toting a blau doch (German grammar ahoy! [brotip, SE: it should be baluer doch]) or something.
Remember: someone always has the upper hand, so make sure it's you!

Here's the precautions that people think women should take: don't wear mini skirts, high heels, walk at night, keep your keys poked out between your fingers, don't park in ramps, don't wear overalls, long hair, ponytails, drink with guys, go to parties, and in short, don't have fun.

It's probably my unique advantage of being a white man (and am therefore more likely to do the raping than be raped) but all of these sound like perfectly reasonable conclusions. I mean look at Shaolin monks: no one is raped less than Shaolin monks, and it's because they're bald and masters of kung fu.

Live in fear, ladies, is the message, and then people will gloat because, hey, somebody's got to suffer, and isn't that women are supposed to do?

Live in fear is sound advice, actually. People are far too trusting of other people. This applies to men as much as women, but women are more likely to be raped, so it's probably safe to take some precautions.

Never once have I heard my male friends warned to look over their shoulder, to walk with their keys ready to fend off an attacker, to keep an eye on a drink at a party lest someone slip something into it, etc.

I do all of this shit just because it pays to be alert. I also watch the drinks of others. Nothing gets through on my watch.
Haven't caught anyone slipping anyone a roofie but I have caught someone SNEEZING ON SOMEONE'S DRINK GROSS.
Also the CIA keeps emailing me about a job fair. Coincidence? Hell no, they know about my super spy powers.

On the one hand, I really dislike religion and its trappings. I'm nowhere near an atheist, but I tend to be far more spiritual than anything else,

No not reading this.

It's frustrating. For a long time I felt nothing, then a few months ago I mentioned wanting to get back into the whole pagan deal, but nothing ever came of it.

Ha, ha, ha, ha llllllllllllllllll.

You know, there's many a night when I lie in bed and ask myself questions. The questions range from the mundane (Did I turn off all the lights? Did I put the kiddo's folder in his backpack for shool?) to the spiritual (Is there really an afterlife?) and the philosophical (Is this the real life, or just fantasy? Am I caught in a landslide with no escape from reality?*). But in all honesty** there is no question I ask myself more than this: "What's the precise percentage of skin a woman should expose in order to attract a male partner*** and not look like a cheating whore?"

I don't usually ask myself questions so much as wonder what life would be like if sleep worked like the Elder Scrolls games. You know, a bar just pops up and empties and suddenly 9 hours have passed?

A local dentist, someone I went to when I was the kiddo's age, shot and killed himself the day before yesterday.

True story: dentists are three times more likely to kill themselves than any other occupation.
Now here's the world's longest post that is way too much fucking personal information, but it's totally awesome.
Guess how many mental breakdowns she's had? At least one!

I...I think I'm starting to like Lady Gaga, guys. I might even purchase her albums...

>buy
>music

Now there's a series of Tweets that she seriously overestimates herself if she thinks I'm reading.
Good day, all.

:-|

Just rolled past the 1,000,000 gil mark in FFXI, got samurai to level 38 and all in all life was feeling good, another hour wasted to Mee Deggi (got yet another pair of impact knuckles and all I lost was my dignity) notwithstanding, it put me in a pretty good mood. Winter break is about to get into swing with only one more final (Japanese final, I have this in the bag) remaining, life is pretty good. The past two days have treated me well.
THEN I SAW THIS.
I'm not sure where to start, really. I guess it's hard to open properly without first addressing that image she linked, but it's so clearly trollbait (something she even admits to, yet she falls for it hook, line and sinker so I'm not really sure what her point was in pointing out its obvious status as a trolling attempt when it so clearly succeeded). I guess some people can't help themselves?

Do I realize that shipping is not like being in a relationship? Yes.

Have I ever been in a relationship with a real live person? Yes, thank you for assuming I haven't.

"Shipping", as I understand it, is writing fanfiction about relationships. You know that part in Gundam where Amuro acts like a fucking spastic and gets thrown in the brig for two weeks for being a tool factory and Fraw Bow comes to visit him and all you're thinking is "please God let the next scene have Char in it," well some people were watching that shit with bated breath.
I don't get it, mang.
Also I crossed out your last line because "internet relationships" don't fucking count.

Have I ever been in love with someone? Yes.

Have I ever loved someone "enough to respond to their 'Jump' with nothing but 'How high?'" No.

Because I am not a fucking dog.

REMAINS TO BE SEEN WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Just. WAT.

... Sad thing is, I'm tempted to do it. For the lulz.

xD

This annoyed me so much I decided I would share with you all.

In 2010,

Doesn't matter. World is ending.
Oh wait that's 2012. Sorry, proceed.

a Spiderman musical is coming out on Broadway. It's called "Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark." If you thought to yourself "man that's a shit title," then you thought the same thing I did.

Actually the first thing I thought to myself was "I really care about whatever the fuck it is I'm reading."

The worst two minutes I've spent this month were listening to Julie Taymor justify that subtitle by relating some ridiculous story Bono apparently told her about a little kid who once asked his dad to "turn off the dark" rather then "turn on the light."

Really? Good month, then.
I mean yeah it features Bono, which in terms of shittiness probably ranks up there, but hey.

Oh, did I forget to mention? Bono and The Edge wrote the score. Excellent.

This does sound pretty dire. Spider-man is pretty much a fagort anyway, so adding a score by U2 doesn't help.

The Smut Writer's Meme: Name any pairing from past or current fandoms and ask me a question. I'll tell you anything you want to know about their sex lives from my own personal fanon.

Wow that is a Thanksgiving treat! Also: "fanon"? Really? You know if you had your own creative talent you could invent your own canon of whatever the fuck it is you wanted, but of course that won't happen because you're too busy pondering how "kawaii" Amuro and Char would be together.

Guys. Guys. The crossover fic is writing itself in my head and I want it OUT.

When I saw "With my bb Keanu portraying Spike this is an overload of goodness" in the comments I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.


Just.


Why.



Edit: Someone suggested Dakota Fanning = Mello and I'll admit, I lol'd.

I'm. About 85% certain they were kidding :|

Here was my face when I read this:

You know what's weird about reading this manga?

The protagonist is a horrible, horrible human being. And I have no sympathy for vigilantism. But... I like him!

This must be what they call "good writing", something you will surely never experience first hand.

He's got "death by hubris" written all over him.

That's right, bitch. Nemesis doesn't fuck around.

So I was reading Dan Brown's new book. Yes I know. Shut up. I know they're terrible and they're factually questionable and deliberately controversial, yadda yadda, but they're kind of fun.

Actually they're not factually questionable. It's undeniably fiction.

I think I should learn how to swear at people in Yiddish. Because all insults in Yiddish are hilarious.

Like so: Ale tseyn zoln bay im aroysfaln, not eyner zol im blaybn oyf tsonveytung.

Which means "All his teeth should fall out except one to make him suffer."

LONGEST FUCKING CURSE IN HISTORY.
Get your fucking act together, Yiddish. This is why you're a dying language.

Pick a paragraph (or any passage less than 500 words) from any fanfic I've written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you a DVD commentary on that snippet:

It's kind of funny that you think anyone gives a shit.

Inarticulate rant is inarticulate and ranty, but I am just so.

SO fucking pissed about this healthcare debate right now. Pissed at Obama, too, for even considering dropping the public option. How is that healthcare reform, if you drop that? I don't even think that having a public option is enough.

Heh, armchair politicians.

There's my reaction to this kind of bullshit.

Obama should push this bill through the way he wants it, and say "fuck you" to anyone who complains.

Okay I feel equipped to respond to this. Obama is a fucking pussy. He's a weak motherfucker. He wouldn't say "fuck you" if you shit on his breakfast table. He's a goddamn weak-willed, do nothing wimp.
Gone are the days where there were strong and dynamic leaders.

I AM A BISEXUAL.

I LIKE BOTH WOMEN AND MEN.

I AM REAL, AND I AM HERE. DEAL WITH IT.

I'm bi, if you don't like it deal w/it.
Also: lol high school girls thinking they're bi and admitting to it on the internet so they think guys will find them hot.
Didn't work then, doesn't work now.

Fair warning: do NOT click that link if you're not in the mood to get angry. Not just "some asshole cut me off in traffic" angry, either. I'm actually shaking with rage right now, that is how bad this is.

This is apparently about a blog where women post creepy letters their (presumably ex) boyfriends wrote them. I'll read this, because I'm always in the mood for some FUCKING FURY.
Yeah I read it. Here's my official blanket reaction to your blanket reaction:
Well I have shit to do. Be seeing you, AIDS patients.

Enchahntment?

ENCHAHNTMENT!
Yeah I've been playing some Dragon Age: Origins lately, and there's this weird autistic Dwarf kid who can only say "enchantment" and, surprisingly, he enchants things. He's pretty bro tier.
Speaking of bro: today I noticed I had a follower. That's very flattering, especially since it doesn't appear to be anyone I know, so thanks for that.
Now I have strangers reading, time to drown site in popups.
Here we have a blast from the past. Anorexia blogs? Hell yeah, motherfucker. It's like revisiting a favorite game from years ago. Nostalgia~

god today has been terrible. jesus. i don't even have the energy to go through it right now it was so awful.

Yeah the weather fucking SUCKED today, which put me in a great mood. Traffic is so light and no one is on campus the second there's a single raindrop. Bitches weren't from old country where today would be considered beach weather.

my aunt is such a fucking bitch. she either ignored me or bitched at me all fucking day.

everyone says i'm such a spoiled brat and if i sit down for one second they make me feel like shit for it. i've been on my feet for eight hours straight. i guess the good thing is i've burned a bunch of calories.

So one thing that's really fucking awesome is the character creator in Dragon Age. At first I thought it was pretty light weight compared to shit I'm used to, but in actuality it's just really easy to use.
Also my new computer barely cracks 60c running it on ultra high, so I'm pretty pro at the moment.

i can't believe one day could be so fucking long.

good news is my books and new saosin cd came in from amazon so that perked my spirits up quite a bit. and i didn't eat anything but 6 cals worth of gum today until dinner (which was my goal).

Oh right, you.

so far today i've done okay eating wise. not great, but not binging by any means.

I'm having a little trouble with the scale, here. That'd be like me saying "I'm doing okay with this breathing thing. Not great, but I haven't suffocated on my own fluids yet." There's a pretty huge gap between "okay" and "vomiting" at least in my mind.

I am a Florist, but i want to go back to school for either Creative Writing or English or something like that. My dream would be to write fiction novels.

As opposed to nonfiction novels. Also: can't write fiction without a degree in it.

Woman I Admire:
Audrey Hepburn- She handled every situation with grace and care and she was the champion of many wonderful causes. I just love her grace and charm and beauty!

Too bad you didn't admire how much she wasn't a cunt. Oh well. I guess logically if you're graceful and charming you're also not a cunt-- err maybe? Can you be a cunt and still charming?

the family reunion was AWFUL.

first of all, my pretty, skinny cousin was there with her new boyfriend which made me feel inferior and stupid.

Good.
No I'm fucking serious. Good. You should feel inferior and stupid.
Yeah I had another quote here then I deleted it. Having some problems giving a shit, here.

last night i was real bad off. i cut myself alot. cut so much i can no longer see my stretch marks on my stomach. all i could think was, "My parents deserve a daughter so much better than me."

Cool.

did you know that 130 cups of tea will kill you?

Presumably all at once and not over the course of a lifetime. If it's the latter I know some English people who are in trouble.

i cut myself last night. not alot and it was only shallow cuts because my fear of getting caught way over powers my need to hurt myself.

Ha, ha, easy there, Linkin Park.

i will just never get it together. my mind is so fucked up, i'd probably have dropped out of college before the semester was over like the past 3 times i've tried to go to college. i am just a worthless sack of shit. honestly.

Three times? Wow, usually people give up or succeed before that. Well hey, if you need something good to say about yourself: you're persistent.
I'm not sure if that's a compliment, come to think of it.

i tried to commit suicide once, but i chickened out. it got me sent to this horrible mental hospital. i almost killed my parents by doing that. that's the only reason i'm not contemplating suicide again.

Uh-huh. So I have this awesome picture of this dog:
Check that fucker out. Dog wearing glasses. He thinks he's people! Dogs are funny.
Oh right, you.

i'm going to be this fat, fucking failure for the rest of my life.

i'm never going to publish a novel, never going to be pretty, never going to find that perfect guy, never going to have friends... hell, i'm never even going to go to fucking college.

Yeah join the fucking club. Well, I am pretty devilishly handsome, come to think of it. Also I have friends. Oh, and I'm pretty thin.
Oh and I do go to college.
Uhh-- so no, I guess it is just you. Sorry~
Hurray story time.

this is a little scene from a discontinued story of mine.

DISCONTINUED. Last story ever, folks, enjoy it while it lasts before they discontinue them~

Levi leans into me and I can smell the alcohol and smoke on his skin. I open my mouth to breathe it all in more fully, his scent sending lightning through my system.

He made some great jeans.

He covers my mouth with his own and slowly leans me back onto his bed.

I've read this line a lot in fiction (novels) and it never really conjured an image of kissing to me. I always imagine someone looking deadly serious and covering someone's mouth with their own, but everyone has a really serious straight face-- it's a stupid image.

I feel my chest opening up and letting him fill me, letting the guilt and fear and the wanting overtake my senses.

First part sounds like a serious medical problem, while the second part sounds like a serious psychological condition.
Also brotip: you can write about things not related to you.
Ha, ha, just kidding. You can't, but hypothetically, I mean.

His body is hot like a furnace, scorching me with his fingertips. His damaged hand brushes along my back, my stomach, down my bare legs, aggravating the angry red cuts that cover me. I feel the pain of it and I like it.

Okay I hope I'm not the only one who first read "angry red cuts" as "angry red cunts". I did a double take. Kind of gives it a new meaning.
So long story short something sexy is about to happen then he asks why she cuts herself and she gets really butthurt for no reason and pulls that bullshit 6 year old tactic of "now I'm really angry at you all day" like anyone would give a fuck (and she wouldn't forget the second something shiny entered her vision, or a loud noise or something).

It's about a girl named Mercy, who during the day is a nurse on the children's floor of a hospital and at night is a sadistic vigilante killing men who rape or molest women.

Wasn't that an episode of that old Full Metal Alchemist anime? Or was that Catwoman? Either way, been done before. Better, too.

i thought i saw a man in the house last night, but it was just the silhouette of a table.

Tables are crafty like that.

Matthew keeps begging me to come back. But honestly, i don't want to. I wish i had never gotten married. I wish i could go home, but i don't wish to see him again.

I asked him about the gay porn, he said that it still turns him on, but that he doesn't want that lifestyle.

Ha, ha, ha oh wow. Turned a guy gay. Good work, honey.
Can't top that. Ending on a victorious note~