Let's agree to be 14 or older

Let's agree to be 14 or older
I sure am glad I'm 14 or older, otherwise I couldn't read EVILSHELLY'S RAMBLINGS!
What a loss to, well, me if I couldn't read these great ramblings.
Here's today's ('s's's's) writer's block:

Do you consider yourself patriotic? If so, how do you express it?

No one is more patriotic than me circa WW2 and into the 70s and 80s but after that I suddenly have a lot of trouble justifying this country's shenanigans.
HAVE ANY OF YOU LESSER COUNTRIES BEEN TO THE MOON?
I THOUGHT NOT.

I'm part native american, part black, part white; 100% female.

Sooooooo-- I can expect a lot of whining?
HOOOOOOO.
High five, me.

I just found out Osama's code name was GERONIMO.
So, no; I'm not patriotic. Not even a little.

Sympathy for the enemy?
Let me consult my handy guide here-- yeah that's treason.
PREPARE TO BE FLOGGED THEN HANGED.
Now there's a post entitled "7 outta 11" and I'm about five lines into this and I have no clue what the fuck is happening (par for the course on Edie Finds a Corpse, really)

and it's 3 stars out of 5.
or, EH, I'VE HAD BETTA...
and by that I mean, The Girl and I have been looking for a Chinese Food Take Out to replace our favorite place. DIM SUM. And this place doesn't really do it.

Excuse me?
I hate how bloggers always give people in their lives code names like I've been following long enough for me to know who "The Girl" is or like I even give half a fuck.

We've had a place for the last 10 years that is--words are not truly adequate enough to describe the deliciousness of the food that the The Old People cook for us. But they were old 10 years ago. Now they are FUCKING OLD, and are hardly ever open any longer...and the last 3 times we've been? Their boys have been cooking, and? YUCK! No, son, no. You do not cook like your dad, and he should be ashamed to call you son, and your wives are even worse.

Time to level culinarian, ladies.
CLN is actually a pretty fun job when you get into it-- I just can't seem to get high enough on it. Rank 18, still blowing shit up more often than not.
Time to balance that, SE.
I don't even understand how fish + fire = mercury and sand or why that's cooking and not alchemy but whatever.

So, The Girl and I have undertaken a mission: Check out every Chinese Food Restaurant within a 5 mile radius and FIND A NEW PLACE.

The problem? The Old People make a Pot Sticker like no other people on earth! (Or within a *15* MILE radius of our home address) Also? They know and love us. They shove a good 50 dollars worth of food into every 20 dollar container of food we buy.
That's hard to match, let alone top.
Also? They know that GINGER makes a chicken/pork pot sticker fucking POP. Fucking Delicious.

It sounds like you know a lot about this. Maybe it's time to make your own?
I mean if you'd asked me specifically what Dim Sum is I'd say "it's that shit in Dynasty Warriors that increases your health by 10" because I have no idea. I suspect there's pork in it.

I sorta clicked on this awful Star Trek fic. It's a gender-switch.

>clicking fanfic
>expecting the word "good" to be part the equation
Your fault.

Well, I guess "good" can be part of it if it heads off the phrase "good God" but otherwise, no.
Just really bad. Over emotional, over the top angst and it seems to have been written by a barely literate child with no understanding of punctuation, let alone emotions and real life situations.

This differs from other fanfiction how?

so, yes, I don't really care for Facebook. I have a Facebook account because I used to use it to silently stalk my girl-child.

Oh. So daughter.
THE GIRL IS YOUR DAUGHTER.
JUST SAY THAT.
JUST SAY IT.

but every once in a while I'll log on and take a look at the 250 or so messages I have piled up. and delete them.
but right now? I'm buzzed and bored, so I read a few 'friend requests'. one being: ARE YOU THE MICHELLE LORRAINE THAT WRITES MARY STEWART FAN FICTION? FOR THE MERLIN SERIES?

You write fanfiction and you have a daughter.
That's literally the first thing I do when I Google a girl I know. "does she write fanfiction?" if so, we can no longer know each other.

Ugh.
I remember when I had to read Huckleberry Finn for a Junior High School English class; with a teacher that made his students read out loud. I was 1 of 4 black kids in a class of 28 and I *dreaded* it.

The book Night says "bitch" a ton so I just had all my kids say it like 10 times in a row and get their giggles out before we started.
Worked well.

But when some kid-and I'll be honest here, a kid I did not like to begin with, a kid I knew to be racist-decided to substitute "black person" for "nigger" during his "read", I was incensed. I was enraged. I wanted to punch the kid in the face.

See? The thing is: NIGGER is not a synonym! You don't get to say "black person" and mean NIGGER. And this kid, and the rest of my class, absolutely did. not. get. it. It's been over 20 years, and I'm still angry about it.

See this is why people on the internet use it to be ironic. It's really easy to get a rise out of people with it.
Far be it from me to deny people easy trolling but I consider it kind of a cop out troll. Just say NIGGER and suddenly everyone is butthurt.

Nigger is a racial slur. Plain and simple. A slur. That's what Twain meant it to be and that's what it is.

And a funny word.
And some yahoo responds with this:

We had to read some short stories in college that referenced the word, and the teacher didn't realize the word was in the assigned story and he spent the rest of the class, and the beginning of the next several classes apologizing. And this was college! I can't believe that'd be on the course curriculum in middle school.

I had a class where the word "nigger" came up in the reading and then the professor came in the next day without realizing it and here was her quote when some kids were butthurt:
"fucking deal with it."
I never had a problem with that professor again, despite it being AMERICAN ROMANTICISM.

i didn't, not really, give thanks, that is.
despite my native grandmother's wish i ignore my native heritage, i've always been native enough not to care for the holiday.

So speaking of college I had to take this bullshit Native American literature class and one (probably the only) thing I read that stuck with me said that no one who is "part Native American" claims a man is their Native American relative.
I dunno I thought that was kind of interesting and further proves people are full of shit so I take and use it when possible (which is never, fuck that class).

LAST NIGHT:
the girl: a fucking *research* paper for literature? what the fuck is the point of me writing a bunch of shit that regurgitates other people's opinions of Beowulf and The Green Knight, with plenty of fucking footnotes? Huh? WHY CAN'T IT JUST BE MY OPINION?! IT'S FUCKING LITERATURE!

Because *you* are an illiterate fuckstick who doesn't know The Green Knight from her asshole.

the girl: (glares)i want to do *anything* but write this paper. clean. kill spiders. clean the oven! mow the lawn! (she has crazy allergies. mowing the lawn would put her in a coma!) look up other peoples thoughts so i can fucking tag them as footnotes? NO! (looks at me, sad and distressed) write this for me.

IF YOU SPENT HALF AS MUCH TIME BITCHING AS YOU DID WRITING YOU'D BE DONE.

ack!
i woke from the most horrifying and spider filled nightmare freaking terrified!

Speaking of spider-filled nightmares: remember that level in Demon's Souls where it starts out as a normal haunted mine filled with creepy undead dwarfs (I can't believe I just qualified that with "normal") and then as you get deeper in there are SPIDERS EVERYWHERE and the boss is a gigantic armored spider?
Fuck yeah that game was awesome.
Too bad you could camp behind a post and take pot shots until victory.
Anyway I have shit to do suddenly: I have leather strap orders to fill and shards to acquire and money to make and ranks to gain so be seeing you.

ultros.jpg

Christfags are funny, aren't they? I mean they always go on and on about living a Christian lifestyle and avoiding sin and shit. Usually this only pertains to the lives of others, because they'll be goddamned if they have to analyze any of their behaviors.
This runs, of course, contrary to the exact teachings of the Bible, which espouses that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and that's sort of why the whole Jesus Christ business.
But no, we're here today to get our Catholic on and feel guilty about having human emotions, because as we all know, guilt brings us closer to the Lord.
I thought that was suffering, oh wait--
Well, good thing I'm not a Christfag. Don't really need to know this shit.

Yeah, I just wanted to apologize for what I said about Natalie Dylan in my last journal entry. She might be putting her virginity up for auction, but that doesn't give me the right to use vulgar words associated with those who are involved in prostitution.

That's right, bitch. Jesus Christ himself had this to say:
"Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man."

I didn't realize it would offend everyone so much. It's probably not very "Christian" of me or good for my testimony. I just get SO ANGRY with people who don't give sex the respect and honor it deserves.

Whoa hi large font. Also he who is without sin cast the first stone, etc etc but as I said WE'RE HERE TO GET A CHRISTFAG ON WHICH MEANS HYPOCRISY.

What I'd really like to do is write my novel. I've tried writing it many times before but these computers at the library only give you so many minutes to work with. What I need is a good long day to sit down without any interuptions and just write my heart out for hours.

Geez how did that one guy, what was his name, Chaucer? How did he write his stories? I seem to recall something about... Paper or something. And a pen, yeah, that's it! Paper and a pen!

Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door this morning before 9 AM which is when I wake up every day. I was so disappointed that I wasn't there when they knocked because for years I've been studying what they believe and figuring out what I would say to one of them if I ever met one.

Wow your life just sounds filled with meaning.

Please Lord, grant me gorgeous weather on Sunday afternoon and calm my spirit and make it a beautiful day and help me be an excellent wife for Your glory!!!

ME ME ME ME ME GRANT ME THINGS

The rest of this entry will be about what I now feel is approriate and not appropriote for marriage since I've change my views a little bit.

This is good. I've been waiting to see what you had to say about the venerable institute of marriage, because prior to you everyone had just been wandering around guessing at shit.

Now, this entry is NOT to condemn. It is simply to inform others about my beliefs.

Good. This is important.

I believe that lust is a sin. What your body may not be doing physically... your mind is doing mentally.

Yes, Jesus Christ himself has expressed similar notions.

So experimenting before marriage with things like topless massages, passionate making out, and all things that aren't technically sex is playing with fire. You're dancing on the line of sexual immorality.

YOU'RE PLAYING WITH FIRE, YOU HEAR ME? IF 000sundancer000 SAYS SO, IT MUST BE TRUE!

It has been two years since Mathew said, "I want to marry you." We haven't ever touched each other inappropriately or showed skin where it shouldn't be exposed.

Wow you two sound like tons o' fun.

Think about how you might feel if you learned that your spouse was intimate with someone else. Would that make you hurt and jealous?

No the only thing that would make me feel hurt or jealous is myself, but if the bitch does that the game is fucking on.
Now there's a ton of posts that are so fucking boring, holy shit.
Uhhhhhhhh now there are a ton of posts about prayer and shit. Whatever, bitch. I have demons to slay on the internet. While you're praying away I have horrors to kill.

:{

Oh my no this has to be the most pretentious thing I've read in recent memory, and that's saying a lot, because I attend college. She's some kind of something. I don't know. I thought she might be a Christfag but now I'm leaning more towards some kind of Pagan shit or something.

We all have to live with the choices we make.

Ironically, losing my job at Ritz gave me enough money to pay Pitt my enrollment deposit today. They had to pay me for all my unused vacation hours

PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL BULLSHIT BLAH BLAH IRONICALLY BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

But my whole world has changed in the past 24 hours, my heart has been broken and I am beginning to regain clarity

k
One might wonder how you can "regain" clarity like it's some kind of finite resource but whatever I'm pretty much used to unquantifiable things presented in the form of numbers (oh hi RPGs)

He told me that my lease was automatically renewed for a month to month basis so whenever I need to move, I just need to let him know a month beforehand. This seemed like a sign. A reminder and a push to get moving.

THIS SEEMS LIKE A SIGN. I hate people who talk like this. Listen, unless you find yourself in some kind of Lord of the Rings setting it's not a fucking sign. YESTERDAY THREE CROWS FLEW OVER MY HEAD. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS? It must mean something-- that's an auspice if I've ever heard it!
No it doesn't fucking mean anything. The universe can't tell you anything because it's not a sentient being.

I had a very peaceful moment when we came across a little bridge over the lake in the middle of the forest. It was such a beautiful place and we were so surrounded by forest that we could not even hear civilization anymore. I sat down on the bridge and played my singing bowl and meditated for a few minutes.

Herp derp
Also I like how she tries to get away from civilization but winds up sitting on a bridge. Yeah that bridge got there through magic.

What I love about Jim is that he does not even question these things. He had no idea what I was doing or why but he respected me enough to sit down next to me and enjoy the sound and the moment of peace.

They break up a month later, incidentally.

Shortly after that, I saw a faerie mound in the middle of a sunlit glade and I pointed it out to him. He didn't understand what I meant so I explained what a faerie mound is and why it is important to the forest. He is Italian/Irish like I am and I think I brought some of his Irish blood to the surface yesterday.

All his Italian blood can do is join gangs, lose wars and make the most cholesterol-laden food imaginable (it's ok I have a really Italian last name I can make fun of Italy).

As I was walking away from the faerie mound, I was talking softly about the spirits of the forest and then I stopped short, feeling compelled to turn and look behind me. There, in a sunlit grove, was a fawn, watching us.
I took my camera away from my face and I stood there in stillness, gazing into the eyes of this elegant creature. In her eyes, I saw an old and ancient wisdom and understanding. I felt like she was trying to tell me something and for a few moments we just stood and looked into one another. The fawn and I, both young females, each of us red and white, graceful and beautiful, illuminated by the light that connected us.

Wow that was really douchey.
And it goes on, good Christ. Ten million pages later, a blurry picture of a fawn. Great, cool image broheim.

I'm hungry for knowledge.

Hungry for douchey knowledge, maybe. I always wondered who the fuck signed up for "humans and sexuality" and "music in society" and now I fucking know.
Oh boy poetry time.

The heart is the kingdom of the soul
the source of beauty
within us all
every moment
a network runs through
the electric impulse
of blood seeking
brain trusting

Holy fuck.

How often do you feel your brain working?

Well right now my brain is trying very hard to keep my throat from gagging at this pile of vomit you call poetry, so I guess too often.

I feel like I need them to judge me based more on my talent and less on my test scores and grades.

I'M REALLY TALENTED EVEN THOUGH MY TEST SCORES WOULD LEAD YOU TO BELIEVE I'M A NO TALENT HACK!
No but seriously it was smart to not include your "talent" CD of photography, because every picture I've seen of yours has been blurry as fuck.

At one point I discovered two lighters in my bra because that is the natural place for me to stick them when I am wearing a dress. One of them was Taylor's. I guiltily handed it over and he said "As a gay man, I'm not sure how I feel about that." and I told him, "its okay, it was only in the valley, it never touched the peaks." Everyone laughs and I take my bow and go back inside.

Lewd perhaps, but funny right? I crack myself up. Sometimes I am filled with outrageous self confidence and don't quite know where to put it.

You're not funny. You shouldn't be filled with confidence. Confidence without skill is conceit.
Also how the fuck do you "find" two lighters in your bra? Wouldn't you, I don't know, feel that at all times?

I haven't played this bowl in awhile, not in the city, it hums with a different voice depending on where it is played. In the forest I hear the elementals singing in the water and the wind and the root of the earth.

I have no idea what a singing bowl is.
More poetry I'm not reading.

Unlike many of my peers, I loved high school not for the friends or parties, but for what I learned there.

>learning
>high school
:3c
Holy shit I started doing something else and I just noticed I closed her blog. I guess entry over?

It's Fucking On, Chaps

Once in a blue moon there is a blog that is so perfectly horrific the entry basically writes itself. I knew once I undertook this project I would find the ultimate bad blog that would rob me of all rational thought, and today I have found that creature.
Today's blog is entitled, get this, "Your a star...." Is that an improper use of "your"? Yes. Is that too many periods for an ellipsis? You better fucking believe it.
THIS IS JUST THE TITLE, PEOPLE. IT GETS FAR WORSE FROM HERE.

I want:

To move to North Carolina

NO STAY OUT WE HAVE ENOUGH RETARDS HERE.
"YOUR" NOT WELCOME.

To have 4 or 5 children

Yeah, great. Ever read a book called "March of Morons"? NO? WELL LET ME EDUCATE YOU, YOU STUPID TWAT.
In March of Morons it's the future and the average IQ is 45 (ignore for the moment that the average IQ always has to be 100) and the entire world is run by a group of smart people who are worked to death just keeping the morons in line.
THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU REPRODUCED TOO MUCH. :C

To get an A in Organic

Chemistry? Not that hard, friend. Try harder.

To stay up all night having a great talk
so good that you don't even realize that its morning

only way that's happening is if you're not you, so go to hell.

Your an amazing person and, looking back on our friendship over these past 4ish or 5ish years or whatever I truely see how much you have shaped my life.

Too bad that shaping didn't involve spelling OR grammar.

One day I was crying because I found out that a boyfriend cheated on me, I looked over at you tears on my cheeks, just to see your face also covered with tears.

Let's analyze this.
One day I (speaker) was crying because I (speaker) found out that a boyfriend (implying more than one?) cheated on me, I looked over to you tears (your tears?) on my cheeks (missing punctuation?), just to see your face also covered with tears.

You plucked my eyebrows for picture day in the 11th grade, because I had no idea how to do it.

Yeah pulling hairs out is really that hard. MAN UP AND YANK THAT SHIT OUT.

I guess in a way I'd find myself..Something that lately I have been lacking:

you're right there. Where else would you be? I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!
You're a stupid cunt who can't spell and is giving me a migraine.

1. I have failed a college class..Organic Chem, I guess this woul be a little easier to swallow if I felt I deserved to fail, but honestly I put a lot of work into that failure, and now to just retake it, is a blow to the face.

You failed organic chemistry? Quit college now. That's the first "hard" challenge of college and you clearly weren't up to it. It only gets worse from there.

I studied for 30 hours to recieve a 50 percent on one test...I can look back on that class and I know I tried my hardest.

Your hardest wasn't good enough. I hear Wal-Mart is hiring.

I don't think I want to pursue the nursing thing anymore, because of the earlier mentioned failure, its just hard and frusterating.

No I guess you wouldn't. Maybe take up English I'M SURE YOU'D BE GOOD AT IT (he lied).

I know its what I want to do, and I don't just want it handed to me, but is it too much to ask for something to go according to plan?

According to plan? What plan? You took a class that's a fundamental in your major and you fucked up big time. Clearly you either have to shape the fuck up or switch majors.

For not everything I approach in life to be a struggle.

Yeah life is such a struggle for you. Bitching on the goddamn internet all day about it.

Grand Valley is the only school to demand classes like Biochem and Genetics.

Christ and you're going to be a NURSE? Someone who gives people DRUGS? You're barely fucking literate and you're going to read all of those labels? You're going to hit someone going into anaphylaxis with morphine and wonder why they died because you couldn't read the goddamn label on the needle.

I believe that some things hold meaning, based on the idea that they are meaningless.

That's where you'd be mistaken. Life is meaningless and then you die.

There is a beauty in finding your own meaning, interpretations that are only yours.

There better be because in the end that's all anyone can do.

Hopefully, I'll be getting all A's. (haha).

HOPEFULLY! LOL!!
You make your own fortune.
Also this entire paragraph seems to have random letters underlined so I thought maybe there was a hidden code or something but she seems to just really suck at the internet or something, unless "Im icyou" means something.

I can do anything I want to and I can rely on myself to do it and if I can't then I independently make the desision to involve others.

Except pass organic chemistry or spell, apparently.

I believe that I have a multitude of defense mechanisms

EVERYONE DOES.

Me: So will you still be here tomorrow? Do you have to work?
Callie: No I don't work, I"m going to Allendale to hang with friends.
Me: Oh that sounds like fun [walks up stairs and wispers 'I love to be alone, thanks for asking me to hang out']

"OH THAT SOUNDS FUN, CAN I COME TOO?"
EIGHT WORDS. EIGHT.

I don't know whats wrong with me lately, I guess I've just thinking about all the people in my life past and present, and for reasons I may never know this makes me sad often.

Instead of in the future, implying you could know what happens in the future, is that it? Or are you sad that you're trying to live in the past?
You're dumb I shouldn't think so much about your stupid life.

I can remember is wanting to grow up and be seen as someone who is mature [I tend to be a little silly, and I didn't want to be known for that any longer].

ONLY MATURE PEOPLE ARE DEADLY SERIOUS ALL THE TIME JESUS CHRIST.

More good news: The baby should be here any day,

Baby
Baby
BABY!?

his name will still be Chance

Chance. You're naming your fucking retard CHANCE!?
I'm trying to find a picture that expresses my emotions because GOD KNOWS WORDS DO NOT EXIST FOR THIS FEELING.

my biggest fear is becoming a failure

Well I have some bad news.

Its so amazing.
My sister is having a boy.

Oh, okay, it's your sister.
Whew that was close.

I have to write this paper for my writting course, and I must say that I'm really trying on this, and so far I like what I have written, I didn't realize how much I missed writting.

Writting. Of course just because you write a lot does not mean it is good writing, but hey there is something to be said for sheer crushing volume. Maybe if you write enough you can smite your professor under the weight of 10,000 stapled pages and send her into traction so she won't have time to grade it between bouts of PAIN.

I am sad tonight becasue I have failed.

Good.

I have this Ethics class, its actually pretty crazy some of the discussions that we get in.
Like people's morals and a lot of religion talk.

An ethics class about morals? That class sounds completely bonkers!

We are learning more about the brain then why people do certain things.

Than*

But I think it is because you need to know how it works before you can figure out what it does.

No shit.
Next you'll be telling me that, pfft, you have to put PANTS on BEFORE shoes!

Then last and maybe least I have Algebra.
Oh I'm so glad I'm paying out the ass to learn how to graph.

Hey maybe if you had fucked up less in high school, eh?

Hmm.

I just don't know

I FUCKING KNOW.
END OF GODDAMN ENTRY.
PISS OFF.