FUCK THE INTERNET

Ok so I know it's Friday and I haven't updated since last Friday but unlike usual I have a good excuse: I had no internet.

I even had a job interview over Skype with Korea the second before it cut out.
No joke, man.
All's well that ends well though, as I salvaged it and I got a followup interview.
No thanks to Time Warner.
Here's even how the conversation went:
"I know it's early but we can start the interview"
"That's fine with me I'm ready."
Like I shouldn't have said that. That was tempting the fates if ever I've seen it. I should have just said "yeah okay."
But you know I had been ready since I got the email at 9 AM so I was pretty eager to get it over and done with like goddamn.
Also protip for Skype interviewees on Time Warner: there's a Skype app for smart phones. Don't leave it to Time Warner to work properly.
I even had my netbook on standby if my computer crashed but I didn't account for the internet going out.
Like what's more likely to happen? The computer with 9 weeks of up time to crash or the notoriously bad internet service to not work?
Fucking stupid, man.
Anyway time to get our fucking murder lust on.
Oh and I'm sure some people might think oh well you're in the frozen hellhole that is North Carolina so maybe the ice downed some lines and it's not TW's fault?
Yeah, well, this was before all that shit happened.
Time Warner is shit the old fashioned way.
Fuck Time Warner
Fuck South Korea for only interviewing at night
fuck everyone.

as indicated in the other post
i found Simple Abundance pretentious
materialistic and unrealistic

here my abundance for
this wet cold grey day

* home made split pea soup
in the freezer
perfect to warm up the day

* old worn orange pashima shawl
comforting in warmth and color
a familiar "friend"

* marshmallow & carmel easter egg
50 cents
surprisingly good
a treat on a grey day

So this fucking blog is written as if it's poetry but it really isn't so it's just like normal fucking thoughts with bizarre line breaks.
Like imagine if
I conducted
the rest of the entry
like this.

I'd have no readers
before the end of the post

rooting around in my bookshelves
i had found it
thought i might use topics
for march posts
but no
Simple Abundance - Sara Ban Breathbach
when i bought it
i was a bit put off
too precious

but now
re-reading - no
published in the mid '90s
too materialistic
happiness is in the having
just the right little thing
positive thinking
but always the material indulgence
take a bubble bath
light a scented candle

i shall look for a book
yes here it is
Keep It Simple - John Nichols
beautiful photos
maybe truth to be found
in images

I can't even focus on this. 

watching news & commentary
still thinking about Arizona
flipping around the channels - waiting

because i love alliteration
tired of bullies, bigots, bad tv

need to retreat
to cats
and tea
and irish soda bread

"because I love alliteration" she says in a post with no alliteration.
Or no, my mistake:
because I love alliteration
she says
in a post
with no alliteration

all is well in the dream universe
but over there?
i can't get in

I sit alone in my four corner room starin' at candles

oh that shit is on?

let me drop some shit like this here

at night I can't sleep

I toss and turn

candlesticks in the dark

visions of bodies being burned

four walls just starin' at a nigga

I'm paranoid sleepin' with my finger on the trigger

my mother's always stressin' I ain't livin' right

but I ain't goin' out without a fight

see every time my eyes close

I start sweatin' and blood starts comin' out my nose

Is somebody watchin' the ak'?

But I don't know who it is so I'm watching my back

I can see him when I'm deep in the covers

when I awake I don't see the motherfucker

he owns a black hat like I own

a black suit and a cane like my own

some might say "take a chill, B"

but fuck that shit, there's a nigga trying to kill me

I'm poppin' in the clip when the wind blows

every 20 seconds got me peepin' out the window

investigating the joint for traps

checkin' my telephone for taps

I'm starin' at the woman on the corner

it's fucked up when your mind's playing tricks on you

well, no
dull boring drab
embarrassing!

old stars should be allowed

to just be
not put on display

I make big money

I drive big cars

everybody know me

it's like I'm a movie star

but late at night

somethin' ain't right

I feel I'm bein' tailed by the same sucker's headlights

is it that fool that I ran off the block?

or is it that nigga last week that I shot?

or is it the one I beat for 5000 dollars?

Thought he had 'caine but it was Gold Medal flour

reached under my seat

grabbed my poppa for the suckas

ain't no use in me lyin' I was scareder than a motherfucker

hooked the left into Popeye's

if it's going down let's get this shit over with

here they come

just like I figure

I got my hand on the motherfucking trigger

what I saw'll make your ass start gigglin'

three blind, crippled and crazy senior citizens

I live by the sword

I take my boys everywhere I go 'cause I'm paranoid

I keep looking over my shoulder and peepin' around corners

my mind is playing tricks on me

3. "religious freedom"
when does the freedom of person A
impinge on the needs and rights
of person B?
who decides?
when are the obligations
and duties of a person
negated by their religious beliefs?

i had it happen to me
a doctor refused to prescribe
birth control pills
his conscience forbade it
he did have the grace to find another doctor
who would do it
how was that less enabling
than doing it himself?
if the object was to deny me the pills?
or was it just to keep his conscience "clean"?
HE didn't give me the pills

fortunately there was another doctor
to write the Rx
what if he had been the only one?

And I lost my place because I went back to this blog.

Fuck.

Also he has the right to not do something he disagrees with.
Ignorant or not.

Truly the greatest rap song ever created, though.

Did you know Rx likely comes from the Eye of Ra?

The Egyptians associated it with healing and medicine.

And somehow Rx is supposed to look like it.

No I don't understand it either.

Go on, Google the eye of Ra and see if it looks like Rx.

All I know is people had a lot of imagination back then.

when i took the Rx to the druggist
does he have the right
to deny me those pills
because it is against his conscience?
does he have the right to further embarrass me?
what if that is the only drug store in town?

Plan B is now available over the counter
can the person behind the register
make a scene
deny the sale
because of their conscience?

Notice this is all about
"woman stuff"
would there be the same assertion of conscience
for viagra or condoms?

When Mr Hobby Lobby says
he won't pay for Rx for viagra
i may find him more creditable
i won't agree
but i will find it more creditable

Hobby Lobby also doesn't use barcodes because they think it has something to do with the mark of the beast and the end times.

Come the fuck on that's a weak argument.

Is anyone else trying to figure out when the line breaks come? I thought there'd be some kind of logic behind it but there isn't.

has anyone told a christian
you are unnatural?
unloveable?
dirty? crude? despicable?
said that in public
and been approved?

I have.

I wasn't approved, though.

AVE CAESAR.

why a New England girl
is happy in Maryland
(besides the climate)

Wait are you calling the climate in Maryland good?
Because if so I got some news.

Unless you mean it's good except for the climate.

In which case: I got some news.

Also COME ON BE MORE VAGUE I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.

Being vague is totally a replacement for having interesting things to say.

yes, Maryland was a slave state
birthplace of Harriet Tubman
and Frederick Douglas
(a bit up the road
from where i live)

yes, the county i live in
was the last to give up
legal segregation - until 1971
and had a lynching in the 30's

but
Maryland has marriage equality
has done away with the death penalty
is moving toward medical marijuana
and is moving to prevent transgender discrimination
recognizing that our current laws don't cover it

yes the state song
has some nasty verses
we just humm during those

and now i must begin work

Maryland has a state song?

 i am a child of the sun
solar powered
i need its energy

i am a leo
still blond
love the color yellow

i am a cat
sleeping
in a puddle of sunshine

i am a sunflower
turning
my face to the sun

i follow its rise
and setting
knowing just where and when

Amaterasu
holding her mirror
lights the world

Amaterasu is the goddess of the sun in Japanese mythology and probably theeeee (?) most central figure.

Don't worry, I got you covered on mythology.

And no, this still isn't a replacement for having interesting things to say.

A girl quizzed me on Greek mythology yesterday.

I almost couldn't believe what was happening.

Like you better check yourself before you get wrecked.

except for a glimpse
i didn't watch
saw team USA enter

pbs has so much good
especially a program on Alice Walters
made me think
when is Michele going to get real
let her hair go natural
guess she can't stop
"doin' the white thing"
until he's out of office

first lady with a fro
that would be really cool
what if the older first daughter
wants corn rows?

a mystery set in the 20s
oooo the clothes!
Downton Abbey is dowdy

a bit of Rachel on "Big Chris"

i can live without russia

I can live without this blog.
Fuck.

before there was velcro
there were zippers
before there were zippers
there were buttons

buttons were a big deal
you showed off just how wealthy you were
how fashionable or pretentious
by your buttons

Forgot buckles.
Those used to be the bomb-diggity, boy.

* be irritated
or amused?

If it's anything like the last year and a half of my life the answer is both at the same time.

sorry this is so long

is how an entry ends.
Like shut up, then.
Fuck.
Nope don't care about any of this.
Fuck off.
Song of the now.
I don't like this song as much as the other one but you know what can you do.