Oh shit I'm sorry

What the fuck
has happened in your life
when you write fanfiction about soap operas?
I feel like I should apologize beforehand because I'm clearly about to pick on the mentally ill.
This is the blog (inappropriately enough) entitled "Dante's Inferno" written by what I assume is a gay man who calls himself Professor Chaos.

... Not too much more to say about this, really, so let's just go right into it.

Why is Easter called Easter? Shouldn't it be called “Unburial Day” or “Night of the Living Christ” or “Jesus 2: Resurrection Harder”?

Thank you for asking, Rhetorical Device! According to the Venerable Bede, an 8th century monk who didn't earn his title from NOT being the Wayne Gretsky of documenting Christian antiquity, Easter is named after Eostre. 

Wayne Gretsky of Christian antiquity--
What?

She was the mother goddess of the ancient Germanic tribes in Northern Europe. Eostre's aliases among Anglo-Saxon pagans include Austron, Ausos, Ostare, Ostara, Ostern, Eostra, Eostur, Eastra, and, finally, Eastur. In what's going to be a recurring theme for this post, she was a fertility goddess.

THIS IS A CHRISTIAN HOLIDAY SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Clearly the Bible was divinely inspired and not just an already existing haphazard jumble of fables, parables and psalm lyrics with some other bullshit injected into it to appease/intimidate/convert whatever savage tribe the Romans were fighting at the time.
I fucking hate religious talks.
Especially from the nonreligious.
But especially from the religious.
Unless you're roaring a chorus of praise to Zeus, of course.

 So anyway the most recent news is that my dad turns 85 tomorrow. You’re probably thinking to yourself that I must be one old motherfucker but the truth is well you’ll never know.

In a previous post you admitted your first video game console was the Atari 2600 when it was new, which means you're old enough to have played an Atari 2600 when it was new which makes you at least 35, and that's assuming you played it as an infant.
I put you at 42+.

Men can fertile for a long time is all and well, I didn’t say how old my mother was and seeing as she’s dead that’s not likely a topic I’ll bring up.

Hey man you don't have to justify shit to me. I didn't ask and I don't really care.

Well once again I only have half a day to post about since I slept the first half away. 

Sounds like the perfect day, then.
So why does this post continue for paragraphs?

My nephew the (former) Jarhead came over for dinner. Of all the immediate members of my family I’d say he has the most going for him. A military career on his resume. Lived in CA during his stint. He’s back home now living in my sister’s boyfriend’s mansion and going to school on Uncle Sam’s dime. Optimistic. Fun. Loves to laugh and joke. Popular. Young. Handsome (def the best looking male/descendant of my father. I know a few of my cousins lucked out in that dept where as my dad, my bros and the other 2 nephews are pretty mediocre). Most of the rest of my family – males & females – are pretty screwed up. Jarhead seems quite the opposite. Yes I am jealous.

So there you go. Ringing endorsement for the military if I've ever heard one. You end up less screwed up than some wackjob on Livejournal.

Emo stayed over and slept in until well into the late afternoon. Ham is at her dad’s. Nurse came over w/Dora for a bit. Today was very relaxing overall. We also saw a more deer today. No pictures though. 

Nurse and Dora. Always together, eh?
Why do people do this shit? Does this guy seriously go back into his blog and reread this garbage?
This is so boring to the outside observer the first time I can't imagine wanting to read it a second time. Maybe he has friends that find this amusing somehow?

Then the house started filling up: Blondie and her SO Richie Rich (because my sister prefers men with money over looks). Blondies son Scrubs and his SO (who is rather insignificant in the scheme of things so she will go w/o a moniker – her only remarkable trait is that she is always on her phone every time she visits). We thought Scrubs was going to bring his daughter Prim but he did not. 

Oh my fucking Christ, dude.
Have you ever heard of editing? 
This one paragraph goes on for about fifteen more sentences.

My main issue with family get-togethers aside from the bore factor 

ASIDE FROM THE BORE FACTOR
WHICH I WILL EXPLAIN TO YOU
IN GREAT DETAIL

as that I am the only one w/o selective hearing therefore I can hear everyone talking at once, loudly and cannot distinguish enough of one conversation enough to focus and participate in. That and I have really have nothing to contribute as group conversations among my family seem to be topics totally foreign and again boring to me.

I must not have selective hearing either because all I can hear when I go to fucking work is a ton of background noise and some whiny fem music screaming over the speakers at three quarters volume.
It's amazing I don't come home with migraines. 
It's further amazing I'm capable of enough thought to listen to customers' whinging at me about the basil.
A testament to my patience, really.

Finally! I finally finished Atlas Shrugged! I don’t know if I actually disliked it. I really did want to try to read something with some cultural and/or historical significance to it. It was extremely philosophical which I’m not opposed to but it’s not like I had to read it for a college course or a book club where it could be discussed with others to put it in some context or offer some germane explanation of what the author was trying to get across. I pretty much understood the gist of it (though I did cheat and go to Wikipedia toward the end).

I'm surprised I made it all the way through college without having to read any Ayn Rand. She's pretentious, nonsensical and enough of a cunt to warrant studious reading from my fucking school.
So you coined a new philosophy called objectivism and in it you've stated that furthering your own goals is the ultimate good (or Machiavellian consequentialism, as it is normally known) and capitalism is the ultimate form of government because it gives everyone a chance to further their own goals (ignoring for the moment it provably doesn't) and then you turn around and do something altruistic (the antithesis if your philosophy) by sharing it with others.
Great.

Is there a book you really loved that was subsequently turned into a movie? Did it live up to your expectations? Why or why not?

I think everyone will respond that the movie never lives up to the book which I think is kind of bullshit.
Generally speaking people only know it doesn't live up to the book when they're aware there's a book in the first place.
For instance, did you know Soylent Green is based on a book?
Yeah it is. And the book is fucking bullshit. Soylent Green? Not even made of people.
WHY BOTHER?

4. Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code was one of the best and most memorable books I have read. 

This guy.
This is so fucking boring.
I'm done with this bullshit.