your'are're

We're going to try something slightly different today and I'm probably going to rapidly regret this sojourn. Behold.
Also today's writer's block let's just get it out of the way:

Was there ever a fictional character who you admired so much that you strived to be like him or her?

Srived-- strove-- striven-- whatever. GRAMMAR, WHO CARES? (brotip: 'strived' isn't a word)
Also if your answer isn't
you're clearly a woman or gay.

haha, not so much admired, but when I was a kid I remember wanting to be a forrest dryad or something from a book I read, some female character that could turn into trees.

Yeah see what I mean?
Anyway now we start to get into the oddity so HANG ONTO YOUR ASSES.

I can't trust myself,
today, I sleep so little, yesterday, tomorrow, when
was the last time, for no reason whatsoever, no sorrow.

Fear not the beasts of the jungle but those that lurk in your mind.
Oh yeah, that's right: we have a poetry blog today.
FEELIN' GOOD AND COMFORTABLE?

I lay under the sword, to strike who knows where, my heart feels vulnerable.
for no reason whatsoever.

What's that other Warhammer quote I was just thinking of?
Weigh the hand that smites the foe and salutes the battle won or something?
Shit goes all the way back to Rogue Trader times, I think.

I see in the sword my life's end, that I see myself today with no path to bend,
I I I
I am not entirely alone
but i prefer it!

Oh rush of weird memories suddenly. Anyone play Suikoden III?
Man that game was fucking crazy.
I actually really liked it but apparently it's somewhat of a black sheep. I think it's easily second best game in the series after II.
I mean the graphics were kind of a muddy mess and it looked very sub-PS2 considering it was released in the middle of the PS2's life but graphics don't really make the game.

I I I
am
decay
tomorrow

the rollercoaster ride that is the song my life now on record
the one I jumped at board, seeing the sights to come
I would simply ask to do it all again, if i could,
or would I?

TAKE HEART IN ENTROPY, CAPTAIN.
HEED THE ROILING CHAOS THAT BRINGS RUIN TO RUIN UNTIL ALL IS AS DUST!

Pop quiz:
Love
or duty?

So in Dawn of War: Dark Crusade Davian Thule says this quote: "faith and duty" but because the voice actor was clearly a homosexual gentleman and it sounded like he had a fistful of marbles (or perhaps cock) in his mouth while delivering his lines it kind of comes out "FEHTH EHND DEWTEE"

A kind girl and her friend aproached me one day,
same bus stop, small talk.
she initiates I respond in kind.
why do I think about her?
generic female human
why do you draw my focus?

Why are you talking like SHODAN from System Shock?
Look at you, hacker: a pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?
that I boil over it
in my mind, that I whatever,
non-action.
That's what I should do instead of reading this shit: play System Shock.

-like always read at your own risk-
(usual unitneresting self sporting overly revealing drivil - j;skldf

>drivil
Okay here we go, DOSBox open.

Look at my life as a fight.
as I have always.

since the moment I first discovered sensual pleasure as a child
to my later years in life, though I feel fight fading

Whoops ended up playing System Shock for about an hour then I ate dinner then I went to buy batteries and hey it's 3 hours later.

when young i'd try everything I had to stop the invasion of change introduced into my mind through whatever manner of effect not influenced by my rock hard will. Stubborn.

I feel as though I have always been at a personal war with this comedy of life, my constant strivings to reafirm, for myself and to impose on others the life I see most fitting.

This really reminds me of a book I might have had to read in college and I just looked at the Wikipedia page for 5 minutes and got a 115% on the test.
God I love postmodern writing so much. It's all collective pretentious and bad.

I know nothing now, my fight fading, forever at war in my heart at whatever strange indignities being born had wrought.

Yeah see this is exactly what I mean. "Strange indignities being born had wrought" what?
How is "being born" an indignity? Is the implication that life is an indignity?

that I know my life my words are as nothing to the immediacy of need of all. I would wish none to live my life, and as such desire no form of human to follow. I do wish though that someday someone may have the sight that I had as a child and whatever it was that I lacked.

I guess my problem with all modern writing is it tries to sound deep and just doesn't make a ton of sense. The deep thoughts in actual good writing are kind of a byproduct of good writing and not the end to itself.
My grandfather is in many ways what I am not, and in some that I am.

Laying in a bed, nearly unable to move his own body due to a growing rigidity of muscle spasms. Yet he worries about his responsibilities whether the expenses are taken care of.

This isn't even well written. At least the syntax and grammar can be decent but no.

He has always been a strong inteligent man, though I didn't know him well, I knew him well through my familys telling, and my infrequent visits. He read the paper every day, and wrote to the editor just as frequently. He was and is a man of strong morals. Though not religious, beliving more in nature.

Beliving.

While listening to the shallow conversations of others in public places, leeching my internet for whatever pointless or pointed purpose.

I wonder how people not far from age of mine, perhaps my elder, perhaps not, perhaps time wears more quickly on their faces, sadly I hope.

And other words I'm not reading.

As their conversation is undeluted by the foul waters of intelligence. Interaction cleanly swept with niceties ans flirtations, talk of family and children.

Oh what a burden to be as smart as you, someone who can't even spell "undiluted".

I should not look down on these, this simple warm converse.

Converse is a verb, idiot.
Also "these" implies something in front of you not something figurative like a conversation and in the past.

It is good, though I want nothing of it myself, at least as little as possible without rendering my mind anathema to the masses.

:\
I could point out this thought makes no sense but I think it'll be expedient to just call you an idiot and move on.
Actually no, let's figure this out. She (?) wants "nothing of it [herself]", presumably the "conversation undeluted (sic) by the foul waters of intelligence" but the "conversation undeluted (sic) by the foul waters of intelligence" is indeed the product of the masses so how could having this type of conversation render yourself anathema (anathema meaning enemy or nemesis) of the masses if it indeed is what the masses themselves do?
Is this some sort of accusation that the masses are vindictive and hypocritical?
Of course not I'm just reading way too far into it.

a mind without purpose.

WANDERS INTO DARK PLACES FUCK YEAH WARHAMMER.

So I hate being close to other human beings, it's been a developing problem that's climaxing in my fear and inability to help with a dying grandfather.

So today I was listening to religious radio (fuck you I live in the South) and at one point the preacher is talking about how we shouldn't stray from the worship of Jesus because the whims of the pagan gods are capricious and how only God truly loves us and it was a really interesting disconnect to me to imply the "pagan gods" (by which he meant Zeus and referred to him directly) have wills and exist when the Bible clearly states there is only one God and the others are fiction or demons or some shit.
Personally I like to imagine a cosmos where they all exist so I can call Christians the hateful followers of the corpse god but that's just me.
The whims of the Old Gods might be capricious but when they visit their blessings on a mortal the ground trembles with every step.

It makes me feel like a total shit-bag but yet I still can't, i'm afraid, for some reason somewhere, somehow there is this block, and I am unable to get around it. I can't stand strangers looking at me, I can't handle feeling close to anyone on almost any level especially so with males.

Women.
Did you know a radical new treatment for people with severe agoraphobia is to get two agoraphobics in the same house?
After a year they kind of cure each other.

I finally have a girlfriend companion, I am somewhat ashamed to admit it, from my old ethical or moral standpoint, the desire or craving of another person to simply fulfil this niche of my life and for that alone, is like my own personal decadence.

Must be a lesbian.
No way this is a guy.

I am a male --> I get angry on regular bouts.

Winter semester is coming to a close, it is hard keeping all of my obligations organized, and my temper in line as well.

Welp. I don't even know what the fuck anymore.

I feel that what we desire corrupts us, or not even that, it changes and shapes us, and the more we desire and pursue one thing, the more we lose the important parts of ourselves, or our minds. I desire a womans caress, though not only that, I desire open arms and lips, a welcoming gesture that is representative of Woman.

The ladies only like it when you know how possessives work.

Yet, my spiritual pocketbook is empty in debt to other gods, and no matter what price---expensive or strange, I can't afford to pay on any sexual favor.

Hateful follower of the-- uhhh.
YOUR SLAVERY TO THE CROSS ENDS TODAY.

Plain and simple---read subject line---I suck, I can't play the game, I kind of do but then fail, and aghh.. I hate it.

yes, this is a self absorbed complainy-post. I am maturing well!

As opposed to all the other posts which have just been fucking awesome.
Hooo I just don't know anymore. This blog is blending together in its mediocrity into one continuous entry that has gone on for about five hours so I think I'm going to stop.