This week's word brought to you by Lies My Teacher Told Me by James W. Loewen, a really interesting read about the real stories behind our American history myths, from Plymouth Rock to Vietnam, and the sociological implications of teaching these myths.
Lies My Teacher Told Me. Your entire life is a lie carefully constructed to make your existence seem more important and interesting than it actually is.
... You can't actually say that in schools, you do realize.
Syncretism [sing-kri-tiz-uhm, sin-] noun
Yes that word means the joining of disparate beliefs into one unified belief. The Greeks did this when they journeyed outside of Greece and found people believe other shit than what they believe. Then instead of saying "you're wrong" and burning them they tried to unify all the beliefs. Took people a while to figure out conquering and burning is way more profitable.
1. the attempted reconciliation or union of different or opposing principles, practices, or parties, as in philosophy or religion.
Yeah I said that already. Close your fucking Thesaurus. Asshole.
Dear England,... Wait are you for real? "Sorry we started that whole Revolutionary War thing?" TRAITOR.
On behalf of my ancestors (in a broad sense, at least, because my biological ancestors didn't actually immigrate to the US until the 1800s), I just want to say I'm sorry we were so uppity and dumped all your tea into the Boston Harbor.
It was really childish and not very nice and I jut wanted to apologize.
"Sorry about protesting unfair taxes and treatment we were real dickholes." Goddamn in Warhammer you would have already been shot.
As you can see, we've done a fine job of breeding ever more fucktards in your absence, but if it weren't for the terrifying levels of obesity, we're a pretty attractive bunch of fucktards on the whole.
Percent of population that is obese:1. US: 30%
2. Mexico: 24.2%
3. United Kingdom: 23%
WOW 7% DIFFERENCE.
Source if you're a nerd and care about shit like this.
I'm not going to touch the "fucktard" argument because we are pretty fucking stupid in the US but I'd hardly say:
You, on the otherhand, seem to have a decent stock of average to highly intelligent citizens that are fucking ugly.
Okay. Maybe you haven't spoken to a lot of British people (I actually have, somehow) and I'm here to tell you they are as stupid as Americans.
I would therefore like to propose you take us over once again as we can't run a government worth shit but can definitely help with the in-breeding of uggos if you can manage to get us to eat better.This is traitorous on levels I can't even begin to ponder. I mean yeah our government is fucked up and stupid but I hardly think turning it back over to the British is the right course of action.
YOUR GRANDFATHER (probably) DIDN'T FIGHT IN WWII FOR THEM TO JUST HAND THE COUNTRY TO THE BRITISH.
We are willing to submit to the queen and her metric system but not your drive-on-the-left thing because you're the only ones that do it and we both know it's bullshit.
>only
>here's a map
I know you're trying to be "lulz funny" but it's this fantastic mish-mash of "shit you don't understand" with "shit you know nothing about" and it just makes you look like an asshole.
Now here's a post where she explains in quite a few paragraphs how Transformers II is shit.
I could quote this and we could talk about it in length but I can summarize Transformers II with just two words: MICHAEL BAY.
Here are "5 Best Work Habits". I think I see why everyone is such a goddamn pussy now.
"Personal challenge" to me (and anyone else trapped in the 13th century) suggests "issue of personal honor" in which case I'm certainly not spreading positive energy. I'm issuing challenges to duels. I think I see where she's going with this PERSONAL CHALLENGES ARE A CHANCE FOR PERSONAL BETTERMENT AND GROWTH HERP DERP but goddamn 95% of every problem you can have at work relates to people not doing what they're supposed to be doing in which case you're better off just doing it yourself in the first place.
Spread positive energy. Start viewing issues or tasks as personal challenges rather than problems. This raises the potential for good results and more pleasure achieving them.
Leave gossip and complaints out of your dialogue - your upbeat attitude can be contagious and make a difference in everyone's productivity.
Read: be boring and above-it-all this is a surefire way to secure your coworkers' hate and therefore ensure you will never get a promotion.
Fly under the radar, make it seem like you have real aspirations (or better yet, make yourself seem too stupid to attain a higher position) but make yourself indispensable to your organization.
Plan, plan, plan. If you don't, the day may take you anywhere, possibly where you don't want to go. Planning directs your energy toward the most appropriate activities and better use of your time.Never plan shit. The best laid plans, etc.
Remember, the less you know about your own actions the less predictable you are.
The more surprise you have the better off you'll be in the long run.
-List your plans and must-do tasks for the next day or week, then mark off items as you get them done. Seeing what you've accomplished can keep you motivated.
The future is trivia. Plan for today's success today and tomorow's success tomorrow.
-Clear the clutter. Removing distractions can improve your focus. Streamline and organize procedures as much as possible. Keep equipment running smoothly to stay on track.
Chaos moves at its own pace, not yours.
Put off procrastination. Difficult or boring activities are tempting to bypass but delays may add work and create stress for you.
There is no such thing as a difficult task for one of my skill.
Besides, checking chores off your to-do list feels good and lets you move on to the activities you enjoy most.Yeah: going home. I'm not here to pretend this is a fun project I want to be doing. I'm getting my shit done, leave me be.
-Stay connected. Keep the lines of communication open to co-workers [Teachers] nearby and in other locations. Our modern means of communication allows us to easily stay in touch and let others know we're available.
Our modern lines of communication ensure there's more noise and less actual communication. Leave this horseshit to the last possible minute. The less time responding to tweets the more you look like you're doing something important.
Remember it doesn't actually matter if you're doing something important, as long as you look important it's good enough.
CSR, on speakerphone: And where would you like this order shipped?... Where can I talk to someone who isn't a complete moron?
Secretary: 123 Main St.*, Los Alamos, New Mexico.
CSR : We don't ship out of the country.
Secretary: That's fine, but this address is in the country.
CSR : No, you said to ship it to New Mexico.
See what I mean about flying under the radar and doing shit for yourself? Most of your coworkers are this idiot.
Just quote Webster's dictionary and don't cite it. That explains everything perfectly.
I have to write a 500 word essay explaining what plagiarism is.
I'm 600 words in and haven't even breached the actual subject yet.
Wow we're the exact opposite. I would have completed this task in about 50 words and then padded for 450. All things said I'd rather have your skill than mine as far as college is concerned. While I express everything in glorious, concise language WORTHY OF THE FINEST POETS IN HISTORY I still need to write 450 more words. School is ass-backwards, man.
I love Autumn. I love the smell in the air, the slight chill in the mornings, the roasted green chile, Halloween, and the tradition of which I've taken part for seventeen years now: going back to school.
... Wow I guess if you get points for being completely off-fucking-topic I'd pass you.
I show up the first week with high expectations and a representation of the best me out for everyone to see.
By my calculations FFXIV comes out 29 days after classes start so you have my rapt attention for one entire month.
Speaking of: dick move you pulled today, SE. IMPORTANT EMAIL FROM SQUAREENIX.
OH SHIT OH SHIT TODAY'S FINALLY THE DAY
"we've updated our privacy policy"
Oh right your stupid essay.
Classes start like new relationships.
Tons of sex, what?
We're all eager to meet and please each other and we just know that this is the year to wow everyone with our knowledge of Advanced Calculus or Taxonomy for the Faint of Heart.
Oh yeah I can't wait to meet which of you assholes is going to be yapping too much and ruining my fucking semester.
I show up with the books and open ears, and you, dear professor, show up with your infinite exuberance and wisdom- and the syllabus.
"I didn't get the book yet because I want to see if it's a waste of money. I've been burned a lot by this in my life."
You must be a freshman, good grief.
I flip through it as I excitedly nod my head and smile at you as you rattle on about some subject that I think sounds just so exciting; I scan for due dates, grade breakdowns, required reading, and ...university policy?
"I've taken this exact class under a different heading so excuse me while I see if I can reuse any of my essays. I understand this is technically plagiarism (plagiarizing from myself, what) but I won't tell on myself if I won't tell on myself."
Also I'd fail you instantly for using a personal pronoun in a definition. I don't know how you can miss the purpose of an assignment this hard but goddamn.
Yes, I know. Don't copy. Don't plagiarize. Put direct quotes in, surprisingly, quotation marks, and for goodness sake, if you didn't think up the idea all by yourself cite your sources!
Actually if your quote is longer than four lines you're supposed to put it in a block quote with no quotation marks. See you don't know it all.
I know this. Please understand that I do.
Fuck off, I wanted 500 words and this is now 600 with no point in sight. Thanks for making my job harder. Guess who's getting rounded down.
However, before you think I consider the subject to be trite, I want to make clear that while I know this to be an important and unfortunately ignored area of morality in the realm of modern education,
"Unfortunately ignored"? I have to sign (in my own blood, even) that I agree to not cheat before every single test I take. I'm sure my school isn't unique in this either.
I'm the face that always comes on time, or not, and asks poignant, or not, questions,
Let's take a timeout to focus on your diction and grammar, Jesus.
If, when that first assignment is finally due, your ideas about me don't really match the amazing illuminations I've brought forth on paper or my quirky personality doesn't lend itself to the droll and uniform conclusions I've come up with, you become suspect.
THANKS FOR EXPLAINING HOW SCHOOL WORKS, CAN YOU PLEASE DEFINE THE WORD?
That was my opinion before the Olympics and it hasn't changed much since. Who's fucking idea was it to have the Olympics there? Actually, it may have been a good idea because it brings people's attention to the fact that China sucks.
I dunno I thought they did a pretty bang-up job with the Olympics. Remember when they made that skeleton track so incredibly fast with such hairpin turns that guy crashed and died? Finally, a sport that can appease Zeus, THE ORIGINAL PURPOSE OF THE OLYMPICS IF I MAY BE SO BOLD.
Anyway your blog just gets really long and stupid from this point out so I think I'm going to go do something with my life.
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