Rattle that coffin

see what falls out.
Oh look: it's this.

So Nora and I were chatting away and the topic of older couples sharing an email address came up. I scrabbled around for an (in)appropriately awkward and personal comparison.

"Would you rather share a personal primary email address or poop in front of them?" 

What the fuck are you talking about?

Background: So there's a current up-in-arms regarding really skeevy crap on Twitter. It goes like this:

Someone (often female) says something that gets the attention of abusive asshats.
Abusive asshats (often male) say things on Twitter that are entirely possibly legally actionable.
Their target complains, usually to Twitter, with screenshots and links.
Support volume being what it has to be, it takes a while to get notice.
The abusive asshat cleans up their account in the interim.
Twitter comes back and says that Abusive Asshat's account is "not currently in violation" of Twitter's terms of service.
This is remarkably unhelpful to the person who's been the target of all this abuse. 

I POST SHIT ON THE INTERNET WHERE ANY CREEP CAN READ IT.
THIS IS TWITTER'S PROBLEM.
Look I'm not trying to blame the victim here but goddamn if I walk around in the hood with my wallet filled with 600 dollars I'm expecting to get mugged.
Incidentally this is unrelated to the "would you rather share a personal email address or shit in front of a stranger?" dichotomy.

Last night was a professional development meetup for my actual job, the assistant bit. One of the A-Team, "Trouble", forwarded the invitation.

I made a crucial mistake, which was a drink before dinner, instead of the other way around. I got stomach pain for my troubles, which continued off and on into the afternoon. So by four I was curled up around a mug of peppermint tea and chewing on ginger.

In this state I went down to hang out with the small and elusive LGBTQ* contingent. 

They had to star because there's an infinitely expanding list of snowflakes that demands to be included.
"Because you totally have a magic wand," Trouble said, rolling her eyes.

"Actually I do, but it has nothing to do with work," I said, and then realized what had just come out of my mouth. "Oh god. I'd meant pagan, and then it came out Hitachi."

Hilarity.

Smooth talking as always, Reverend Lunatic. :D
Pagans are known for their wands.
Protip, dipshit: Harry Potter doesn't be real.

Many "this is a tiny thing that has been annoying/worrying/otherwise Bothering me but I'm oversensitive and it's too small to disturb the People In Charge of Making Things Right" things can be prevented from growing into The Problem That Laid Waste to the Shinjuku District (Again) if addressed while still small.  

This post was labeled "An intermittent reminder about Things".
Imagine if real reminders were worded as incoherently as this.
People would be a lot more self efficacious. 
10,000 posts that are just her Tweets--
a post about how she has crotch rot--

If, say, your company's motto is "don't be evil", and you find yourself defending the company as a whole or any of its parts with arguments that boil down to "they're not evil, they're just misunderstood", on a monthly or more frequent basis?

Maybe it's time to sit down and re-evaluate your priorities and your exact definition of evil.

You could always join my EVE Online corporation: Gibson Consumer Products.
The logo is an unblinking eye.
"We probably don't look evil, at least," is the motto.

So a bunch of people I know have been reading Alternity, a piece of Harry Potter role playing game and collaborative fiction. Reader, I have been drawn into reading from Year One.

My brain latches on to the weirdest things, and even though it's only related because Harry Potter, it's been circulating a phrase.

Why my brain thinks "mimbletits mimbletonia" is so funny, I haven't the foggiest.

IDEK.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAR.
Seriously what the fuck was that?
Is that humor?

If male warriors in video games were dressed like the female ones: http://t.co/4exrLZe54J 

Latest armor set for FFXIV.
No really.

Small child: *shrieks earsplittingly & cheerfully*
Azz: *flinches*
Parent: *something at a soft-normal volume, inaudible from my position*
Small child: *second, louder, more gleeful shriek*
Azz: "Are you all right, young man?"
Small child: *was not expecting the schoolmarmish attention of a stranger*
Parents: *shush and hustle* 

Reminds me of my one and only time substituting for an elementary school.
Kid starts shrieking at some girl--
DANG SON GIRLS LIKE A GUY WHO IS COOL AND COLLECTED.
Really?
HECK YEAH.
Bad behavior stops immediately.
MILF who showed up to help gets a little wet.
Man I'm the greatest.
Also: never again.
Second grade is the fucking worst thing.
A girl broke her arm at recess--
No shit--
and then a kid walked into a coat rack and almost put an eye out.
I can't handle that kind of stress.
Kid almost fell out of a window once in high school too.
That I can handle. If you're enough of a dumbass to perch yourself in a desk in front of an open fucking window then good luck to you, brother.
18 years old. We're basically peers only they for some reason trust me enough to keep you alive for a week.
Maybe it's that edge factor where I'm exactly one life stage ahead of you.
Opposite sex relationships are banned because a "Nice Guy"gets a passive-aggressive monkey's paw.

Attempting to imagine the expressions on the faces of my various librarian friends if anyone tried riding a Segway in their library.— Space Marine Azz  

Nothing says "space marine" more than that.
I'd just like to point out the opening quote in Helsreach is "we are judged in life by the evil we destroy" so if you want to compare quotes that sound like actual space marine sayings versus this shit then get that book.

This is not an hour that should exist. On the other hand, I see email incoming.
— Space Marine Azz

Yeah.
Usually when a space marine says that it's punctuated by cutting cultists in half with a chainsaw.
You whine about email.
Fuck you.

My new definition of 'hipster':

See also: faggot

Someone, usually young/adult and white, who is pissed off that their formerly handcrafted and artisanal culture is being mass-produced for profit by an exploitative corporation.


Related: and just like that, 'hipster' has fallen out of my automatic-eyeroll category, except as it intersects with 'pretentious douchebag'.

 Or that works too.
Pretentious douchebag is a good c/f.

It's useful for me to know that anything that smacks of Other People Dictating Things still makes me explode.

Even when it's not meant to do that.

So there's a love meme; one of the things about this love meme that's meant to be helpful is pronoun listing. And I've got pronouns posted in my profile. 

MUH PRONOUNS
Apparently this is a male-to-female transgender or something--
I don't know, m8.

Mama doesn't need to know about the STD scare I had in college while banging Shawn and he had collected a new partner.

It is none of my co-workers' business whether I am on the Pill or not. 

Apparently not.
Anyway fuck blogs.