elisif the fair having sex fanfiction

See that fucking title?
That's what someone was searching for when they found this blog.
Of course that's what you'd be searching for and of course this is where Google would want to send you.
Considering my most common referrer is Google followed by Google Poland (for some reason) I think I have a new respect for both Google and the country of Poland.
Maybe you two aren't so bad after all.
Anyway here we are.
You keep setting them up, Google and Poland, and I'll keep knocking them over.

As some of you already know a few months ago we packed up and moved to Memphis. On paper it was a good plan. In execution...well, we wound up in an apartment where the floors slope at an angle so steep nothing on wheels can stay in place. One of the bedrooms has a hole in ceiling big enough to stick my arm through that we've been trying to get fixed since the week we moved in. And then there's the roach problem (complete with a nest inside the dishwasher), which...let's just say that we landed with the worst landlord possible and he shows no signs of getting better. 

Sounds like your average day in Tennessee, honestly.

We're a family of walkers and Memphis is not pedestrian friendly in the slightest. We do have access to a car, but we hate having to drive everywhere. The kids were excited in the beginning, but between the apartment issues and the lack of playmates at any of the parks (it is too hot to play outside and the pools aren't open yet) they're miserable. We'd rather cut our losses now, instead of moving into another apartment in a city that we don't love in the first place. It doesn't help that having attracted the attention of the Cult of The Fetus

The fucking what?
The Cult of the Fetus?
This is heresy if I've ever heard it.

I was just reminded why I sometimes dislike ontd_feminism.

Of course she doesn't say why she's reminded of this.
Maybe she was just reminded of it in general.
"God that website is full of cunts. Anyway, salad on a shelf."
That's how my average day at my job goes, really.
Here's a post called "trigger warnings are important" and they really are. I need a warning when you fuckers are going to start firing randomly in my direction so I can remove myself from the fire lane.
THIS GAME
HAS FRIENDLY FIRE
YOU CHUCKLEFUCK

I'm going to talk about something that I rarely discuss. Food. And ED. 

EATING DISORDERS.
Anorexia blogs are still banned but I didn't know this coming in so I think we'll be ok if it's just this post.

I'm not sure I ever had a normal relationship with food. As a child, I suffered from something that doctors couldn't figure out. I barely kept water down and spent much of my kindergarten year at the family physician and UVA medical center. It was so bad I missed 45 days of kindergarten (I would flunk my today's standard because you can't miss that many days now) and if it wasn't for my mom coming to the school and learning how to teach me, I would have flunked kindergarten. So you can imagine what I looked like as a kid. You could literally see my ribs as a child and my puffy braids were wider than my wrist. Still, I think, as a kid, I was okay with food. I don't remember if I was or not, but I do know I was skinny. 

K.
TRIGGER WARNING.

I haven't held a truly positive relationship with food since I was around 13. The summer before my 14th birthday was a bad one and puberty coupled with some other things hit hard. I starved myself that summer, maintaining my life on one meal a day. I lost 30lbs that summer while my mom freaked. The stress of the school year put the pounds back on. 

That's cool, gatling style rail turret. I can totally absorb this with my body.

My point is I REALLY need people to put trigger warnings on numbers when it comes to ED. It's not pc for me at all. I need people to do this. I don't care if someone feels it's whining.

Not PC for me to be skinny.
Fucking
pussies.

I admit to enjoying Avatar's graphics/cinematography and Zoe Saldana was phenomenal in this movie, BUT it was once again a "White Man Saves The World" thing.

As a white man I'd just like to say:
white men are pretty awesome.

I did spend a lot of time wincing at the plot. It's basically: White people steal resources from native land. Decide they want more resources and are mad the natives of said land won't move or give it to them. They think the natives are savage and their religion is stupid and can't figure out why the natives keep telling them to go fuck themselves with the trading of stupid shit and stuff.

The part I didn't understand is how the natives are basically primitive people with bows and the white men have walker robots.
This seems like a fairly straightforward solution considering the lopsided technological base.

Reading afro_dyte's latest post found here: http://afro-dyte.livejournal.com/25993.html made me start thinking of my own religious journey. 

Great.
Free plugs all around I guess.

I'm not sure how I got where I am. Well, I am, but I'm not. By all the things that happened in my life, I should be a fundie Christian, a staunch conservative believer that takes the Bible literally. I grew up in a religiously conservative Christian household, attended evangelical southern baptist schools my entire life in a city known for its conservative christianity (not kidding about this. I mention Lynchburg and people go "oh?" I mention Jerry Falwell's hometown and they go "OH!". Also, note that I put the C in Christian as lowercase there.) and went to church so many times a week as a child that I could have just lived there. 

And you kept Baptist in the lower case because--
I guess you're an idiot.
I know. I know. Tons of people have this same experience and they rebel just like I did, except I eventually came to Christianity.
So you're like the Soul Drinkers.
Fell to Chaos only to return to the light of the Emperor.
Then the Imperial Fists catch wind of this and say "wait a sec are you trying to rustle my jimmies?" then they burned them all alive.
God I love the Imperial Fists.

Sort of. First, I was never a Christian as a kid. I could fake it because it was required in my immediate social circles but I never believed most of it and until high school I never had anyone to agree with me. In high school, H was either agnostic or atheist and she happened to be my best friend during those years. I believe she's a wiccan now, not sure, I should ask her.  

lol so edgy
Really?
Wicca?
For a woman in her 20s?
Don't you grow past that in high school?
And I'm up to the beginning of this blog. Fuck everything.