Monday, November 16, 2009

Only a couple more hours

ONLY 7.5 HOURS UNTIL ASSASSIN'S CREED II COMES OUT, NOT THAT I'M COUNTING DOWN OR ANYTHING.
Oh right, some shit no one cares about.
Besides my largest complaint of this not being Assassin's Creed II, it also has the intense drawback of being really pretentious. I mean just look at the title of the first post:

"Asshat Academics Are Academic Asshats, or Biting the Hand That Bites Me"

Really man?
I mean it's your fucking blog so you can do whatever, but from over here in coolsville it seems like you're trying to create weapons-grade douchebaggery.
I'm not kidding either, son. If you take this shit to California they'll arrest you. (I picked California arbitrarily and for the possibly false assumption that they had strict gun control laws. I really don't know a lot about laws or gun control in particular)
Rhetoric, o Rhetoric!
Were you but the
salvation
you promised me
you'd be!


"Score another notch
for masturbatory
academic claptrap."

A snigger from behind,

Hey, hey I won't have this racism-- oh, snigger. Ha, ha--
The last time I shat myself, I was twenty-seven. It happened in Berlin. I still haven't told (most of) you that story. I might. It's a good one.

While listening to you prattle on about how you shit yourself might be the idea of a good time to some poor deluded fool, even I find myself with better things to do. That's pretty fucking serious for someone who honestly finds time to count down the hours until a video game comes out.
I was talking about comic books on a comic book message forum the other day. Someone was asking why the majority of people askance at comic books.

Because comic book fans use "askance" outside of trying to sound faux-Victorian?
Someone else countered by saying he was happy to be in a semi-exclusive club of comic lovers, and then asked why it mattered so much to some readers of comics that overall readership expand. I contributed the following (and shifted the discussion, naturally, to academia):

Yeah I've noticed a lot of pretentious bores have the near superhuman ability to make anything seem like school. Recently (as in a couple of hours to go) I was almost seriously analyzing Dirty Harry movies. If your analysis is anything outside of "that was fucking awesome" then you're a cunt.
OH THIS MOVIE PERPETRATES AN UNREALISTIC EXPECTATION OF MASCULINI-- shut up. Goddamn, way to ruin like eight of my favorite actors.
Despite its going too far, I managed to avoid saying academia was the tar pit into which liberals had been tricked by conservatism. Your pinko intellectual and rhetorical potentials can thrash about all they want in the tar pit, you know, but they'll never make their way out of the tar pit.

I thought we were talking about comics?
Who even gives a fuck, goddamn? Comics? Really, what, are you nine?
I was going, as usual, for "funny."

Oh is that what you were going for? I like how he qualifies it, too. "As usual" like yes, usually this is a laugh-fucking-riot.
Webster has this to say about funny:
"affording light mirth and laughter : amusing b : seeking or intended to amuse : facetious"
So I don't know, is this blog particularly amusing or, to use their words, "affording light mirth and laughter?" Personally I find being trapped in a burning elevator more facetious.
How is it that Cain and the Sons of Perdition is not a registered band's name?

Because no one can hear that name without gagging?
Seriously what kind of band is "Cain and the Sons of Perdition" outside of pretentious?
People often point to the Beatles' eponymous The Beatles (1968, otherwise known as the "White Album") as being either honestly, simply named or as being pretentiously named.

Well you would know about pretentious, so I'm willing to trust you on this one.
Now there's a particularly charming story about shooting horses and after setting up an air of academia so thick he could choke a librarian I'm amazed our boy would admit to such humble beginnings.
Some deaths you just don't get over.

I say "you" because I feel not getting over a death is an experience most of us can share.

Bold assumption based off your phrasing, bro. "most" of us share and yet you don't mind assuming I'm one of the most? Maybe I'm a sociopath and don't have that emotion. Thanks for being considerate, dick.
Here's a post entitled "Regarding Watchmen" which is one of the quickest ways to get me to not read something.

Wikipedia lies. (You already know this.) There is a lie it likes to tell about Gene Autry.

Oh well if you're lying about Gene Autry, greatest actor who has EVER LIVED (massive sarcasm) then you're a DICK.
Now there's a really long post about the two Voltrons (there was a vehicle one and a lion one, see) and how the American company combined the two series into one because whatever they didn't give a fuck. Hey if you can combine five lions and one robot and something like 30 cars into one robot, what do you get when you combine those two robots together?
There, that wasn't so hard, was it? It's called editing, man. Look into it. Somehow my two sentence summary of Voltron is five paragraphs in your blog. Of course you're actually on about Star Trek or something but frankly I can't really read your post without my eyes crossing.
Nobama? McCain't?

I thought you were wrought in a pithier smithy, America.

Nice douchey language, cunt. Also this is from the same nation that came up with "Sega does what Nintendon't!" so no, we aren't exactly known for our sharp wit when it comes to puns. See, NintenDO-- NintenDON'T? Get it? Wow, that's harsh. I see what you did there, but ouch.
Of course by 1997 we, collectively, learned what Sega did that Nintendo didn't-- make ten thousand peripherals for a dying system instead of sinking needed resources into the new, CD-based era and then promptly dying with the 90s-- BURN.
Cool werewolf hedgehog you have for a mascot, though. Playing that furry card loud and proud, I see.
Is there anyone else out there who thinks the Stone Roses' eponymous debut sounds like it could have wafted up out of the Paisley Underground? Yes? No?

I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. Which is par for the course these last five months, honestly.
Now he links some shit from 4chan which bro-- they tend to cycle their content a little quick. Unless I happened to be checking your blog right then it's probably gone. Let me see-- OH HEY 404! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
Well people, looks like it's about time to pack it up.

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