Apple sucks

Just saw a commercial for Apple on Youtube. They wanted me to switch to the new Apple OS, because "herp your switching anyways might as well switch to ares!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (grammar for effect)" joke's on you, cockblimps, because I already switched. To Windows 7.
Why? Well, I didn't build this monster machine to run a shitty OS that can't do anything except be pretentious.
That's right. Call back when you can run gayms.
Oh right. Blogs.
So first thing I'm blind. Cool 4 point font.

Life is a little diffcult at the moment, but I have faith. =) I have hope in something better to come. =) I was watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants last night and it made me think about life.

Whenever someone says something like "I was inspired by Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" my immediate reaction is something like this:
Really? Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (I don't even know what that is) brought out the deep philosophical issues of your life?

How we take things for granted. That we just don't go for how we feel at the moment. Some of us tend to hold back, hold grudges, never take risks, wait for something better to come along, but when we have faith and know we can do it, with the help of God, our friends, or our family.

Yeah well Warhammer taught me that only a fool puts his faith in luck. A wise man puts his faith in THE EMPEROR.

I'm making a book of quotes from random people and I need to jot them down here for now...OH I'm also gonna be taking up photography. I always see random signs and just the little things in the street that spark my interest and want to take pictures of it, but never have a camera, so I'm gonna get one someday and start traveling and taking pictures of random things in random places. =)

This post was made at 8:51 in the morning. Who is this high energy that early in the fucking morning?
Oh right, high school girls.

I LOVE VOLUNTEERING! Service really is the answer to all life's problems.

A MOMENT OF HERESY BLIGHTS A LIFETIME OF FAITHFUL SERVICE.

I volunteered at The Red Cross with Corri, Karri, and Ephraim at La Canada high school for the fire victims. The fire is SOOO CLOSE TO THE HIGH SCHOOL. It's ridiclous how close it is. It's sad how the 2 fire men passed away because of the fire.

Passed away because of the fire. That's an interesting turn of phrase. Usually people use "passed away" in relation to disease or such like. Not violent deaths.

GOSH FIRES ARE RIDICULOUS!

Yeah they are! Man, who thought fire was a good idea? What has fire done for man? Oh right, it basically allowed people to invent civilization. But besides that, what does fire do?
Oh right, it cooks food.
But besides that, fire has done relatively little.

I relaized what I wanna do in life. I wanna major in Nursing and minor in Marketing.

Relaized. Reh-layzed.

The only other major to fall back on in Pharmacy. Those are def. my choices. I love life! I hate that we take for granted every moment sometimes, but I guess that's part of life right?

'We'? Bitch, I have an egg timer on my desk that I turn over sometimes just to remind myself that the SANDS OF TIME ARE SLIPPING FROM MY LIFE AS I TYPE.

Maybe we aren't really wasting it??...Yes..MY GOSH. I CAN'T WAIT TO HELP OUT! I can't wait till my career and everything else kicks off! I love my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ. Without them, my life wouldn't be AS GREAT. Or even GREAT! Love everybody! *muahs*

Wow. This.

The Savior suffered so much for me and you.

You, maybe. Meanwhile I was busy being -2000 years old.

I have never been happy. =)

Ha, ha-- oh what.
Now there's a totally hilarious fucking story about tithing where she pays her taxes but HER HEAVENLY FATHER saw fit to tell Obama to give back the extra money she paid so she could go out and whore around or whatever it is religious girls do (what? They're notoriously easy. I don't make the rules) I'm not really sure where God comes into this because really, she paid extra money to the state, the state took whatever percent it did because OM NOM NOM MONEY EATING MONSTER, then they realized she paid too much (dope) so they gave some back. At what point should she be thankful in this process, exactly? Personally I'd give a big "fuck you" to North Carolina for not letting me keep all of the money I earned.
Which is none, incidentally. Working is for suckers.

I am so grateful for this church. It has made me a better person.

While I do not condone ego for surely Nemesis will punish hubris you could probably take a little more credit for self improvement, okay. Operative word in that: self.

I was trying to push ahead to make my way up front, but some girls were cussing and telling me really mean things.

Really mean things? What are you, nine? Get in their grill and tell them what the score is.

I just realized the big difference once I was in that situation. The gospel really does make you a better person. A stronger person =) I was able to be Christ-like and not push the argument or get into a fight.

Yeah and look what that fucking got him. Nailed to a tree.
Not that I'm condoning being a fist-swinging caveman but you know, when they start piling into the truck to hit Byzantium's version of Home Depot to get the supplies for your crucifixion I think you're well within your rights to maybe defend yourself. Or at least cheese it to Greece or something.
Two qualities I look for in a savior is some common sense and self-preservation instinct.

Stacy and I went to the Paseo to watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It was pretty good. I didn't get some parts and Stacy explained so it all came together in the end.

Ah yes, the complex narrative of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Here's how it goes, okay, try to follow along: there's this bro, right, and he ages backwards. The end.
Now the next couple of posts are something I can only describe as "logorrhea" which if you couldn't tell from the word is basically verbal diarrhea.

Like I've said before, I am a person of depth. I like going deep. Anything beneath the surface is what I like. =) I just finished watching "The Pursuit of Happyness".

Oh boy.

That movie is amazing. The struggle Christopher (Will Smith) went through is a STRUGGLE...I wouldn't be able to handle that, but we all have struggles. Some can handle more than others. Sometimes, I think about other peoples struggles and think "Wow, I wouldn't be able to handle that." I admire people that can handle a lot of adversity. My mother and my grandma are fighters. So is my cousin Jackie. People that can handle adversity, yet still manage to be happy and good are admiring to me. Very.

So you know that part in the song Layla by Eric Clapton where he just starts rocking out for 5 minutes and the song ends? It's really cool, but you're left wondering what the fuck, right? Well that's this blog, but minus the awesome part.

It was an amakening.

A what?

I think Heavenly Father knows when to hit me.

Oh so you're into that kind of shit, huh? I see.
Also her overuse of the term "Heavenly Father" reminds me of Assassin's Creed II suddenly. Knights Templar on about THE FATHER OF UNDERSTANDING (only with fake Italian accents so it's more like DE FATHUR AWF OOWNDERSTAHNDENG). Remember: Italians + fake Italian accents = like I'm really understanding a foreign language!

What is life without any hope? It is DEAD! I know what it's like to feel dead. It is not a good feeling. Ha. To not feel anything is a sad thing.

So you say. Personally I think that should be something to strive for, because really you only know good feelings in relation to bad ones, so shouldn't the goal to be to transcend all earthly emotions?
The blog ends shortly thereafter with a big FRIENDS ONLY SIGN FUCK ME.
So what have we learned?
I learned that DE FAWTHUR AWF OONDERSTENDHENG has hidden ALIEN ARTIFACTS in plain sight and then allows them to be photographed by yo-yos.
I mean, I don't know if that's the big twist of Assassin's Creed II, that God is an alien, but given the "pieces of Eden" look like FILTHY XENOS technology that's the only logical conclusion.

Only a couple more hours

ONLY 7.5 HOURS UNTIL ASSASSIN'S CREED II COMES OUT, NOT THAT I'M COUNTING DOWN OR ANYTHING.
Oh right, some shit no one cares about.
Besides my largest complaint of this not being Assassin's Creed II, it also has the intense drawback of being really pretentious. I mean just look at the title of the first post:

"Asshat Academics Are Academic Asshats, or Biting the Hand That Bites Me"

Really man?
I mean it's your fucking blog so you can do whatever, but from over here in coolsville it seems like you're trying to create weapons-grade douchebaggery.
I'm not kidding either, son. If you take this shit to California they'll arrest you. (I picked California arbitrarily and for the possibly false assumption that they had strict gun control laws. I really don't know a lot about laws or gun control in particular)

Rhetoric, o Rhetoric!
Were you but the
salvation
you promised me
you'd be!

"Score another notch
for masturbatory
academic claptrap."

A snigger from behind,

Hey, hey I won't have this racism-- oh, snigger. Ha, ha--

The last time I shat myself, I was twenty-seven. It happened in Berlin. I still haven't told (most of) you that story. I might. It's a good one.

While listening to you prattle on about how you shit yourself might be the idea of a good time to some poor deluded fool, even I find myself with better things to do. That's pretty fucking serious for someone who honestly finds time to count down the hours until a video game comes out.

I was talking about comic books on a comic book message forum the other day. Someone was asking why the majority of people askance at comic books.

Because comic book fans use "askance" outside of trying to sound faux-Victorian?

Someone else countered by saying he was happy to be in a semi-exclusive club of comic lovers, and then asked why it mattered so much to some readers of comics that overall readership expand. I contributed the following (and shifted the discussion, naturally, to academia):

Yeah I've noticed a lot of pretentious bores have the near superhuman ability to make anything seem like school. Recently (as in a couple of hours to go) I was almost seriously analyzing Dirty Harry movies. If your analysis is anything outside of "that was fucking awesome" then you're a cunt.
OH THIS MOVIE PERPETRATES AN UNREALISTIC EXPECTATION OF MASCULINI-- shut up. Goddamn, way to ruin like eight of my favorite actors.

Despite its going too far, I managed to avoid saying academia was the tar pit into which liberals had been tricked by conservatism. Your pinko intellectual and rhetorical potentials can thrash about all they want in the tar pit, you know, but they'll never make their way out of the tar pit.

I thought we were talking about comics?
Who even gives a fuck, goddamn? Comics? Really, what, are you nine?

I was going, as usual, for "funny."

Oh is that what you were going for? I like how he qualifies it, too. "As usual" like yes, usually this is a laugh-fucking-riot.
Webster has this to say about funny:
"affording light mirth and laughter : amusing b : seeking or intended to amuse : facetious"
So I don't know, is this blog particularly amusing or, to use their words, "affording light mirth and laughter?" Personally I find being trapped in a burning elevator more facetious.

How is it that Cain and the Sons of Perdition is not a registered band's name?

Because no one can hear that name without gagging?
Seriously what kind of band is "Cain and the Sons of Perdition" outside of pretentious?

People often point to the Beatles' eponymous The Beatles (1968, otherwise known as the "White Album") as being either honestly, simply named or as being pretentiously named.

Well you would know about pretentious, so I'm willing to trust you on this one.
Now there's a particularly charming story about shooting horses and after setting up an air of academia so thick he could choke a librarian I'm amazed our boy would admit to such humble beginnings.

Some deaths you just don't get over.

I say "you" because I feel not getting over a death is an experience most of us can share.

Bold assumption based off your phrasing, bro. "most" of us share and yet you don't mind assuming I'm one of the most? Maybe I'm a sociopath and don't have that emotion. Thanks for being considerate, dick.
Here's a post entitled "Regarding Watchmen" which is one of the quickest ways to get me to not read something.

Wikipedia lies. (You already know this.) There is a lie it likes to tell about Gene Autry.

Oh well if you're lying about Gene Autry, greatest actor who has EVER LIVED (massive sarcasm) then you're a DICK.
Now there's a really long post about the two Voltrons (there was a vehicle one and a lion one, see) and how the American company combined the two series into one because whatever they didn't give a fuck. Hey if you can combine five lions and one robot and something like 30 cars into one robot, what do you get when you combine those two robots together?
There, that wasn't so hard, was it? It's called editing, man. Look into it. Somehow my two sentence summary of Voltron is five paragraphs in your blog. Of course you're actually on about Star Trek or something but frankly I can't really read your post without my eyes crossing.

Nobama? McCain't?

I thought you were wrought in a pithier smithy, America.

Nice douchey language, cunt. Also this is from the same nation that came up with "Sega does what Nintendon't!" so no, we aren't exactly known for our sharp wit when it comes to puns. See, NintenDO-- NintenDON'T? Get it? Wow, that's harsh. I see what you did there, but ouch.
Of course by 1997 we, collectively, learned what Sega did that Nintendo didn't-- make ten thousand peripherals for a dying system instead of sinking needed resources into the new, CD-based era and then promptly dying with the 90s-- BURN.
Cool werewolf hedgehog you have for a mascot, though. Playing that furry card loud and proud, I see.

Is there anyone else out there who thinks the Stone Roses' eponymous debut sounds like it could have wafted up out of the Paisley Underground? Yes? No?

I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. Which is par for the course these last five months, honestly.
Now he links some shit from 4chan which bro-- they tend to cycle their content a little quick. Unless I happened to be checking your blog right then it's probably gone. Let me see-- OH HEY 404! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
Well people, looks like it's about time to pack it up.