No way you're topping this, brosef

Beat the Shadow Lord today in FFXI, which means I'm officially at the endgame if the year was 2004. I also got the Warlock's Tabard, so I'm pretty pro at the moment. I also did some silly irl stuff like got straight aces in all my classes, but no one actually gives a shit about that. I just thought I'd mention it in case one of these bloggers decides to go on about their WoW OR school accomplishments. I've already got them trumped. The only thing I have to fear is if they say they kissed a girl, but given these cunts I think I'm safe.
Actually just kidding, all I'd have to do is show those bitches a picture of the Shadow Lord and they'd jump my bones immediately. Yeah, that's right, I'm a knight on the internet.
Oh right, you probably came here expecting me to riff on a blog (that sounded homoerotic) instead of prattling on for two paragraphs about whatever the fuck it is I just said. Anyway, here we go~

I need to figure out how to survive while working only 40 hours a week. No more.

Rob banks. Actually just kidding, if there's any crime in the world that you'll get caught for (after serial killing) it's bank robbing. Uhh, you could seduce bored rich women, but that implies you have charm, so-- no, rob banks. I think you're more likely to succeed at that.

I know that sounds stupid but I want my life to be about more than work.

Not in this economy. Enjoy working 120 hour weeks and dying at 80. Poor.

I want the rest of my life to be filled with more video games, more dog time, and soon some kitten time.

Sounds like you need to multitask. Do you know how many people in my FFXI Linkshell play while at work? It's like half. You live in America, bro, the most decadent society on Earth, you can pretty much get away with anything as long as you're not a doctor or a lawyer and you sit in front of a computer in a cubicle all day. You just need to get a little innovative.

And I think I want it to be in New York so thats probably where I'm going. New York, Chicago, or Honolulu.

I'm trying to imagine the individual that would actually have a decision to make between Chicago and Honolulu, then I remember I'm on the internet. OH BOY, A FREEZING ARM PIT OF A CITY THAT ONLY HAS ONE MAJOR CONTRIBUTION TO THE WORLD (the 1950s TV show "The Untouchables") OR A TROPICAL PARADISE, UHHHHHHHHHHHHH-- I'm not even going to mention New York. They seem to have a bit of an airplane problem. (too soon?)

I am really happy I decided to only keep 5 pokemon on my team. I have been using the 6th slot for the random pokemon that know the stupid HM moves.

Ah yes, the famous "five or six Pokemon" conundrum.

I used to waste time figuring out how to divide those moves among my main 6 but it so much easier to just put in on bitch pokemon that I don't train/ care about.

Jesus Christ welcome to 1996. I thought I was stuck in a time warp when I was excited about my 2004 video game accomplishment, but this guy is even worse off.

What are my fears? I still have a fear of sea monsters and dislike the idea of swimming in deep water.

Your irrational fears are stupid. Seriously, sea monsters? What are you, 12?
Actually, given that he seriously plays Pokemon, that's a distinct possibility.

Dood, could I hate my job any more? Why is my boss such a bitch. Chubi, you are so hard to work for. And you're an idiot! Uhhhhhhh I hate you!

Just act like a dope around her so she won't suspect you're capable of anything, but always do more than you're expected to do. Then when upper management comes around, make sure they know who is running the show (you) she'll be disarmed by your idiot routine that she'll look doubly incompetent when an underling outperformed her that you'll get promoted over her.
Office politics is easy if you're patient~
Also, remember: grab Fortune from the front. I don't know, I read that somewhere. Personally I got a bit of a double entendre from it, since the mythological character Fortuna (Tyche in Greek) is the goddess of fortune, so it's basically advocating grabbing some boob, but I'm sure that was just me~

Last week: Internetting from a phone, not enough Ina, trouble with transportation, missing Big O, and Drifblim/Torterra/Togetic/Noctowl.

Big O is one of the greatest cartoons ever made and you should feel bad for missing it.
Also Drifblim is stupid and you should feel bad for training it. Replace it with Gengar. Fuck year, Gengar.

My largecunt boss's daughter just turned 6 the other day so they flew her to Miami to go shopping. Um, fuck these people??? Apparently the kid's playhouse in her backyard has air conditioning, a bedroom, and a lounge. See also, my new apartment.


Life isn't fair so why complain about it? Instead I am going to eat some rice krispies and yell at my puppies for biting each other too much.

There you go, life sucks so eat Rice Krispies. I love it when these bloggers admit they eat too much.
Apparently this is a man writing this. He has to be gay.

So I canceled my date so I could give the puppies a bath, do laundry, and balance my checkbook.

Definitely gay.

Pokémon is incredible. I am going on a date soon???

The ladies won't respect your Pokemon skills, bro. Maybe if you had a hard-won victory over the Shadow Lord they'd be more sympathetic, but not with your SMALL TIME shit.

Bought a pink DS and some adhesive gingham bows to decorate. Not embarrassed.

Deeeeeeeefinitely gay.

So I talked to Dale, my manager at IHOP, and decided to "cut back" on hours instead of quitting entirely. Mostly this is because I am a pussy but until I have my new car moped I'll need ever cent I can get my hands on.

Not getting ahead in the world of office politics like that, Seth. (I love being on a first name basis with the people I review). Remember: Dale would cut your throat out if he thought it would give him an edge, so don't think twice about fucking him over.

Do I just bring bad luck? Is it karma?

:{
I wish they'd go over this Karma thing in school.

Life is weird. Sadness becomes happiness and grudges disappear.

True hatred rings eternal. I don't think that's a Warhammer quote, either. They should probably add that.
Now there's a post that insinuates he reads Harlequin romance novels. I'm now not entirely convinced he's a man. Isn't that an 18-35 year old woman thing?

I actually really dislike the idea of space exploration but watching the launch was really pretty fun.

You clearly watch giant robot shows because you said you watched Big O. That's the result of space exploration. It's Gundam. Or Warhammer. Either way, fuck you.

So I went to check out some culinary schools. $40,000 a year. A YEAR! Whatthefuckever. No. No no no. I will never be able to afford that.

Hi, there's something called student loans. Maybe you should look into them.

Every time a page has trouble loading and it sites it temporarily as a "fatal error" a large part of me is like, "Whatever. Do you even know what fatal means? Aren't you supposed to be a computer?"

Definition of fatal:

4 a: causing death b: bringing ruin fatal attraction to gambling> c: causing failure fatal design flaw>

Smart ass.
Well, Captain Faggot continues. I'm not, so enjoy your weekend~