Here, today, we have Gabby's Rants on Life, and while I don't know how interesting they are (they aren't) they certainly are long. I mean loooooooooong.
Did I mention they were long?
I've been reading a lot about babies lately so I thought maybe I'd write a short little blog about my baby brother and stuff.
>short little
>1700+ words
I've written essays for school that were shorter.
You've seen him here. His name is ONeill.
... Surely that's a last name?
Anyways.Oh you.
So my senior year of high school a shit load of the girls in my grades started having kids. And not like "Fuck I got pregnant but I don't believe in abortion so I'll have the kid" situations. But like "I want to have a kid so I'll have sex as often as possible unprotected until I do." situations. Crazy right?
There's this great book called The Marching Morons that I personally believe should be requisite reading in high school. It's a lot better than that bullshit Atlas Shrugged or Anthem or whatever nonsense they have kids reading these days.
If they're going to make them read some dystopian fiction let's go all out and have them read the real shit.
That entire paragraph kind of reminded me of that.
I was like like, "lol okay. She's cute."
This is fascinating. Please, continue.
I'm sorry I'm sorry. I know I'm being mean.
OHHHHHHHH IT'S OKAY!
ANYWAYS! lol
LOL! YOU'RE SUCH A CARD, GABY!
So I thought maybe I'd explain what happened a few days ago. And I know that almost everyone with a baby goes through this but just bear with the story.
This is still the same fucking post, incidentally. We are now... 8 paragraphs into this and she's just now getting to her point.
Kevin has a thing about poo, he doesn't like it and it makes he want to vomit so thats the main reason he always needs someone with him while babysitting ONeill.
Pussy.
So your step-father is a putz, okay.
ONeill had taken off his diaper, pood in his crib and started playing with it! He rubbed the poo all over his covers and them started smothering it all over the crib itself! He even got some on the walls .
Glad to see with two adults on the scene you still couldn't prevent the child from smearing feces all over himself and his surrounding area.
I'm sure this story just goes up from here!
Well we figured out my brother had diarrhea. He poo'd, AGAIN, and it was so liquidy that it was seeping out and staining his clothes and even, the new bedsheets.
I might wonder why you'd even be sharing a story like this for the entire internet to read, but then I remember I'm on the internet.
I have now decided to join Harry Potterism.
Wacky Hijynx!
And guess what? We're BETTER than Christianity. Christianity only has one holy book. We have SEVEN! Beat that, dick lickers.
Actually the Bible is a compendium, not a book. That's why each "chapter" of the Bible is called the "Book of Job" or the "Gospel of Matthew" it's actually a rather haphazard jumble of fables, parables, songs and other stories. Page for page it's probably shorter (mercifully) than Harry Potter but I can assure you there are technically more than 7 "books" to the Bible. If we were to count all the accompanying Apocrypha to the Bible then I'm sure it's actually far, far longer than Harry Potter.
I'm sorry you were trying (trying being the operative word) to be funny. Please, continue.
... Oh. That's the end of the post.
Well I must say, dear Gaby, you are smart (smart as in sharp, as in clever, not intellectually gifted, which you are that as well). You should perhaps think of going on tour, or perhaps writing a book even!
The anti-Christian bias in our society has reached absurd proportions. Consider:
1. During the 1988 election campaign, George Bush said that Christians should not be considered patriots or real American citizens.
I see what you did there. He actually said that about atheists and not Christians at all! I sure do looooove chain letters. Especially when they're posted on blogs!
Glad to see George Bush's (either one) opinion is still considered relevant and important enough in stardate 2009 to warrant posting about! Oh, that's right, I remember now, he was irrelevant even when he was president.
Don't you people have something better to do with your time? (Rhetorical question with an answer: no).
From Scientific Paganism list...think about it Christians...if this list were real how would you feel?
They'd probably cry persecution just like they do now. That's the awesome thing about persecution: you can call it pretty much regardless, even if you are a crushing 80% of the American population.
Meanwhile the good religion (the real religion) Greek Mythology only has 3 tiny factions. Hellenic Polytheistic Reconstructivists (cunts, just look at that fucking name), Discordians (heretics) and me. Hi.
Oh, she's selling her animus and mangos. Let's see-- nope, all shit.
.Hack was okay, all right. But I don't see Fist of the North Star or Berserk or Saint Seiya, so you can go fuck yourself.
Okay so I'm selling some of my books that I've acquired over a small period of time. These are mostly pretty light reads leaning more towards what a teenage girl might be interested in reading.
Fair enough, let's see--
Alice in Wonderland .50 (almost new)
Alice in Wonderland is fucking awesome what's wrong with you? If you want a lesson in grimdark and madness look no further. But nooooooooo have to offload that for 50 cents.
Okay, so maybe (I guess) I haven't established my personality on this site yet.
We're going in reverse-chronological order so I suppose this might be warranted.
I am VERY sexual.
Is that a personality trait? I would put that more in the category of "things you do" versus "things you are" you could not be sexual. But then again I guess you could not be a cunt, so I don't know.
Almost a slut except I don't sleep around.
O-- oh. In that case, I'm almost a nice guy, except I'm not nice to people.
Wow that is a neat trick.
I have had quite a couple fuck buddies since college started and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon.
ma chérie.
Such manners! Such high breeding!
When it comes to sex I am the MASTER! Yes, master. You read it.
I read a lot of things. Doesn't make them true.
If there's something up with you relationship wise (whether it be romantic or sexual) I most likely have a good answer for you.
Doubt it. You may be whoremaster extraordinaire, but I can basically read minds.
I know this blog is totally crappy and it might sound like I bragging.
That's what my blog is basically 100% of the time. Quote a post, "you may think you're awesome but (here's some achievement that's marginally superior that no one cares about)." See it's all how you frame it, Gaby. While I might be annoying about it sometimes, I actually frame it around a parody-- I tell people to stop doing these things because they're ruining the internet (exaggeration, it was never good) and then I commit exactly what I tell them not to do.
THAT'S WHY I TELL THE JOKES, PEOPLE!
Oh please, I've probably had more fuck buddies in the past two years then they'll have their entire lives (yea it sounds skanky but I'm just being honest. And YES Vanessa. YES Rachel. I am being safe.)
So she acknowledges she's maybe doing the wrong thing in her blog but does nothing to address it?
I understand that sometimes you just want a quick fuck and then get on with your day. I have those times too.
I take it back. You really do understand.
On a completely different topic, I'm thinking about applying to the University of Illinois in Chicago.
Whoa, what? Sorry it's a little jarring to go from "I was just fucking in the backseat of some guy's car" to "I'm applying to the University of Illinois!" I know you (kind of) transitioned and even had a nice page break for me, but take it easy, holy shit.
So I made the point of saying that if the girl had the abortion THEN went back to being all 'pro life' that she was a hypocrite.
Yes, imagine. A Christian, being hypocritical? That has never happened before!
As much of an adult as you might feel, you AREN'T!
Neither are you, Mrs. "I-Just-Turned-19". I'm allowed to pull this stunt because I'm 21. 21 beats 19 and 14, I win. Blackjack. (I had a jack and a 10 in case someone thought I don't know the rules of blackjack, which I don't actually).
I'm tired of hearing you guys gushing about how much you love so-and-so and how happy you get just by seeing them walk by you in the hallway.
How often do you hear 14 year olds speak? I know I have never listened to a 14 year old speak, even when I was 14.
061. [x] cried over the silliest thing
062. [] ran a mile
Gaby confirmed for fatty.
Well this post is getting almost as long as one of your posts, Gaby. I must say I've enjoyed this blog more than I have any of the ones lately.
We should do this again sometime~
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