All guys with blogs are gay

Guy named James who writes fanfiction--

So we saw Furious 6 today, and it was awesome. AWESOME. The tiny bits of plot were rare and easy to ignore and focus on the important things: fast cars, impossible stunts, witty banter, Vin Diesel standing around in thin shirts.

I approve very much of this movie. I think there was something about a computer chip. I do not know. Driving fast! Biceps! Something about a guy named Shaw!

It was all good. I want to re-watch 1, 4 and 5 now. And write lots of stories explaining why Dom and Brian are going to raise Jack while Letty and Elena (sp?) go catch criminals together. Or Elena can be a cop and come home to Letty and say "Don't tell me what you did today! I'm not covered by the fifth amendment!"

And stuff.

Great thanks for that time waster!
"These movies have no plot and it's the 6th one so do you really need a review of it?" is how this post should read. Of course, that doesn't stop Dreamwidth from being eternally sunny about everything:

stellar analysis! you've focused on the truly important bits of the movie, imo

Says one comment.
Truly, indeed, this is the pinnacle of movie reviewing.

Adventures in reading fanfic

I'm not going to be mad at this post because that's the title and I clicked on it.
Like what did I expect?

Ooo, a story I haven't seen before!

Okay, do I recognise that author's name?

...yes, I think I do!

Wait, do I recognise them because they're good, or because I always think I recognise them for being good but really they're bad?

clicks on story link

Crap.

 What did I expect?
The part that slays me is I have to agree that I'm 18 after each post like Dreamwidth does but there's a posted reason this time:

Talk of porn..

Woooooow.
I'm going to go until I find a post where you talk about porn. What do you want to bet this is the entry that doesn't end?
Why even warn about talk of porno?
Do you realize it's hard to do studies on internet porno because finding a control group that doesn't watch porno is impossible to find?

I have written over 800 pieces of fanfiction over the last twenty years (possibly more, considering the way I am not all that rigorous about archiving my stuff). I have posted to paper zines, university-owned mailing lists, usenet, yahoo, LJ, DW, AO3, moderated archives, my own forums.

I still get paranoid about posting something and waiting for that comment from a moderator saying that I have screwed up, violated comm rules, and I need to stop being a brain-dead loser who can't read instructions.

\o/

20 years of writing fanfiction?
So since 1993?
At what point do you stop and evaluate what the fuck went wrong with your life?
20 years of writing fanfiction.
Do you realize you could have written something of actual substance in that amount of time if you had even a modicum of talent?

A couple days ago I banged out 1,000 words in about fifteen minutes, spellchecked it, went over it and changed half a dozen words and punctuations, and posted it. Now it has, like, 1500 hits and almost 200 kudos and over a dozen comments.

I feel like I misled everyone by not actually spending time and effort writing it. However, I figured out why it's popular: it's not a WIP, it's not angsty, and it isn't Steve/Tony posted under the Clint/Coulson tag. Also, it is a fluffy piece of awwwww so it makes readers feel good, which encourages kudo-leaving.

 Writings by women.
Writings by men.

 When you read a long story all in one sitting and when it's done you have to try to pull your brain back out of that world and remember things like a) what you were supposed to have been doing and b) whether you have time to still do it and c) your name and species.

What the fuck is wrong with you and what went wrong with your life?
Still waiting for that talk of porno, speaking of.

So I start reading a story and it's "this happens, then this happens, then this person says this, and that person says that, then this happens, then that happens" and not one single person has a single emotional response to anything at all, ever.

Fanfiction of inferior quality?
You mean if you eat shit you'll end up eating shit?
JESUS CHRIST WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME?

Dear Customer:

Why do you ask me where something is then walk away as I begin to answer?

Good luck,

Me

Yeah people did that to me all the time when I worked my shitty grocery store job.
Here's how you handle it:
Ma'am.
HEY MA'AM.
You started walking away before I told you anything.
Finish thought.
Call them right out on their bullshit because I ain't be trying to spend all day babysitting grown women.
Happens all the time in high school too but you know I'm getting paid to babysit (effectively) grown women so whatever that's what I'm paid to do.
BUT IN MY SHITTY GROCERY STORE JOB
I WAS PAID TO PUT LETTUCE ON A SHELF.

 When I have lunch I sit at the front window by the doors to our store, and I watch people come and go. It's always entertaining, but the one thing that always gets to me are the number of women who wear heels and don't know how to walk in them. Usually it's the bow-legged clomping walk they use, because they don't know how to keep their balance or something.

I don't wear heels -- I used to wear cowboy boots but now they hurt my arch.

Oh it's a woman.
Excuse me for assuming a journal named James was a man.
You know it had all the indicators of being a woman but who the fuck even knows anymore

That means I don't really have any heel-walking experience with which to rant about how some people look really stupid and clumsy when walking in heels. So I did what anyone would do, and I went to youtube and looked up how to walk in high heels videos.

And now I want to get a pair of heels. Possibly so I can learn to walk in them correctly and be all smug about it. Luckily for me, I don't have any occasion to wear heels (they would not go well with my cargo pants or sweat pants, I suspect.)

So let me see if I understand this correctly
you're going to buy shoes you don't like
that are uncomfortable
put research and practice into this 
just for the purpose of showing up other women
who don't care
so you can feel smug?
White women, eh.

So at my last break at work, I go in to the break room and find that Lord of the Rings is playing on the tv! Yay!

...

I sit down in time to see Boromir's death scene.

...

Now I'm home and am having all the cookies and ice cream.

Not that you needed an excuse for that am I right?

Lo, the irony! The other day I described a sort of book I wanted to read. Turned out I had a book exactly as I wanted sitting on my bookshelf in the to read pile. I'm about 100 pages in and loving it.

The Straight Razor Cure by Daniel Polansky is about a drug dealer in Low Town (the slum part of town), a former soldier and former wizard's apprentice who gets dragged into investigating a crime by his former bosses, the town's elite police corp.

What the fuck has gone wrong with your life?

Sometimes I buy books and I end up reading them right away, sometimes a year later. (If I buy it in hardback, chances are good it'll be "a year later, right after it's released in paperback.") Sometimes I end up reading the first 50 pages and deciding I don't want to finish it. (50 pages is my limit: if I don't like it well enough to keep going by then, chances are I won't suddenly start enjoying it on page 52.)

The nice thing about buying books, though, if that even when I buy it and decide I don't like it, I never feel guilty for having spent my money on it. Unless I discover that the author is a complete asshat, I think that books are awesome enough as a Thing that I'm happy to support their existence on principle even if I don't care for the actual content.

I HAVE NO FILTER.
I CANNOT TELL WHAT NEEDS TO BE PURCHASED AND WHAT DOESN'T.
If I buy a book and it sucks I'm pissed off that some asshole has my money undeservedly.
Further:
I HAVE NO FILTER
I CAN'T TELL WHAT NEEDS STATED AND WHAT DOESN'T
because seriously who gives a shit about your purchasing habits I mean goddamn

Tell me about a story I haven't written, and I will give you a snippet of it. Any fandom I've written before; please specify pairing or grouping if you want that to be relevant.

0 comments

I am pleased by this turn of events.

It's possible I am a little grumpy (and that I maybe don't like answering the phone anyhow) when I hear my phone ring from the other room and I yell (to the empty apartment) WHY YES I WOULD LIKE TO IMMEDIATELY DROP EVERYTHING I AM DOING AND COME TO ANSWER YOU.

There may have been a few "fucks" sprinkled in there. Luckily for the caller, it was the automated system telling me to pick up my prescriptions. So I didn't have to ruin anyone's day by being grumpy at them.

Also, why isn't it spelled "perscriptions" since that is how it is pronounced?

How it's pronounced if you live up north or down South, maybe.

Meanwhile in non-plebeianville it's pronounced exactly how it's spelled.

You know how when you send a PM or direct message or the like to someone you have interacted with before, but are not really friends with, and you're trying to, like, be friendly and you try to be witty and change your wording several times so you sound just right and then they don't respond for a couple days and you realise you've probably just offended them and they're never going to like you?

Yeah. That.

;-)

No

all my personal mails are in EVE Online and are usually handled with clinical professionalism.

I've even started conversations with strangers with "state your business."

Why is it always the songs I dislike which get stuck in my head??

Must suck m8

Does it count as exercise if I eat a cookie while on the stationary bike?

Oh boy.

Fic Letdown

And more irrelevant bullshit.

That moment when you see a new story has been posted in your small fandom, and it's a genre you despise.

That moment when you realise that half of the new stories in your small fandom are a genre you despise.

That moment when you see an author you adore talking about a new story that's almost ready to post...and in the last sentence of her happy babble you find out it's a genre you despise.

And it's the sort of genre where you just want to say "If that's what you enjoy, then why not write stories in Fandom X, which is tailor made for that sort of thing?!? And leave my Fandom Y alone!"

Imagine if you had real problems.

For four decades I knew that when my stomach was upset, the best course of action was to not eat anything for awhile, or have some toast and 7-up. Now, of course, I am on two medications -- both of which give me an upset stomach if I have not eaten enough.

I'm not really enjoying myself. In case you wondered.

40 years old.
40
fucking
years old.
Anyway I gotta do some shit and then some more shit and then go to bed so goodbye.