Oh boy.

A lifelong girl gamer writes a blog with a cynical point of view.
This is in her own words, of course.
... I don't know why she feels the need to explain this because I've seen hundreds of blogs exactly like this one.
 I believe the only thing this one has going for it in terms of originality is her incredibly ugly face on the banner in different "thoughtful" or "interesting" poses and in black in white because that's arty.
Great.
Anyway nothing further to say about this so let's just dive right in.
Here's where she posts some Dungeons and Dragons character quiz.
The only thing that sticks out is how low her stats are. I took the same quiz just to see and even though it concluded I'd be an Elf (thanks for that, assholes) my average stat total was 16.5.
I answered honestly, too~
Her average is like 13.
Also a sorcerer. So, you know, a bullshit wizard.
Man D&D is stupid.

I really hope this doesn’t turn into a tl;dr for some people. 

Always promising when your opening sentence is hoping it's not too long for people to read.

As a female gamer I’m constantly aware of the way women are presented in games. 

Remember when video games were just about having fun and doing things?
I miss that.

One of my favorite panels at PAX East 2011 was about the portrayal of women in games, whether it’s as the helpless damsel in distress or the kickass heroine; the taut and toned adventure-seeker or the super-sexy femme fatale.

Just like real life.
Wait, no--
I mean, exactly like how most men fantasize about how real life should be.
Because damsels in distress and sexy adventurers are way more interesting than this whining. I can't even begin to compare the two states.
An industry dominated by men. This is going to happen.
Just like how the whining chick lit industry is dominated by whining and bizarrely creepy romance.

It was interesting, and brought up a whole lot of food for thought.  The year passed, and then this year’s PAX East got me thinking more, particularly with the aftermath of some photos posted by BioWare.  So many comments came up about how many “fatties” were at the convention, and how all the “fat gamers” needed to get off their asses or at least get a Wii Fit or something.  And it got me thinking more.

Waiting for realistic portrayal of women in gaming.
No one wants to play a fat ugly chick.
Just like no one wants to play a normal nerd in a game. You want to be exceptional because it's supposed to be a departure from reality. If I wanted to be a guy who put salad on a shelf  I'd just go to work.

I openly admit that I’m overweight.  I’d be lying to myself and doing myself a disservice to say otherwise and pretend I’m someone or something I’m not.  But as an overweight individual I’m subjected to criticisms spoken and unspoken from people I know and people I don’t know.  I can’t eat anything without it looking like something it’s not: if it’s a hamburger, I’m fat so no wonder I’m eating it; if it’s a salad, I must be trying to lose weight.

I read an argument that says paranoia must be a wonderfully refreshing state of mind because you've deluded yourself into thinking you're important.
I believe I'm witnessing that quote first hand.

I can’t ever eat something just because it’s what I feel like eating.  But it’s the way of humans to overthink things, both on their end and on mine, so I try not to let it bother me; I work with my shape, dressing in well-fitting, nicely made clean clothes that compliment how I’m built.  My clothes are neither too tight nor are they overly baggy.  I’m an educated professional, sing well, and have a good sense of humor, and I’m kind and caring.

And you think people are paying attention to you and not themselves.
Also if you have all this shit going for you--
being an educated professional, singing well, having a sense of humor and being kind and caring--
why are you posting all this whining bullshit?
Shouldn't you say "well I may be overweight but I have all this shit going for me so I don't need to post this"?
Unless someone is overcompensating~

But from what I see and have experienced in society: I am overweight, so none of those things matter.  I am fat and therefore I should be ashamed.

Well--
yeah--

Here’s the thing: when you’re like me no one listens to anything you say about yourself.  Everything is assumed to be an excuse, and you’re just “not working hard enough” or you just “don’t care enough” to do anything about your situation.

Right, right. Got it. You have a magical thyroid condition that can't be treated even though they can take the fucking thing out of your fat throat and give you (inexpensive, especially for an educated professional) pills that'll work infinitely better than your malfunctioning thyroid.
Or you're incredibly happy being obese despite this entire bitching post.
No, really. Here's me believing you.

It’s easy to lose weight, so if you’re overweight, you must be lazy, messy, and slovenly.  That I have health issues that screw with my metabolism is just an excuse.  And because I made an excuse, and I am fat, I should be ashamed of myself and who I am.

Here it coooomes~

Maybe I’m just projecting, but sometimes that’s the vibe I get.  And moreover, because I am a fat female gamer, I need to just stop gaming and go to the gym.  Well… here’s the thing.  I admit that I hate exercise; when I did belong to a gym and worked at running, I had to pretend there were zombies after me and I was just using Rule 1: Cardio.  If I want to lose weight I have to obsessively measure and count everything; I have to work out at least five days a week for at least an hour each day, and if I deviate from any of that it undoes days of work in an instant.

Idiot: just take whatever you are eating and eat a fourth of it.
So when you eat a gallon of ice cream just eat a quart.
Slowly cut back.
I eat basically junk food 5 minutes before bed but I never eat enough of anything so I'm actually underweight.
You don't actually have to count calories or measure shit. Look at Africa: almost an entire continent of skinny people and I doubt seriously people in mud brick huts are measuring pasta.

I’m going to obsess about food and my body whether I’m dieting/exercising or not.  So I made the decision to live my life; obsessing over every aspect of what I did or didn’t eat did not feel like living, at least not to me.  My medical care professionals have never expressed worry, because my blood pressure, breathing, heart rate, etc. is normal.  It will surprise many people when I say I’m happy with my life.

Who rules?
Me. I called this bullshit half a post ago.
No one has this many "here's the thing" clauses in their posts and is really that fucking happy with what they're talking about.

I’m not skinny; I’m not even average.  I’m plus-sized, but I’m happy with my life and with who I am.  But by some standards I shouldn’t be, nay, I don’t deserve to be.

What does this have to do with video games, again?
 If you're going to say you need fat sliders in MMOs--
even if I had the chance to make Edie fat I definitely wouldn't have taken that option.

The point of shaming people is to point out where they are in the wrong so they may feel badly about it and correct their faults, while the shamer feels morally superior.  The issue here is that being overweight isn’t based in morality (unless you belong to some sect, or obscure religion that views eating as a moral/ethical issue).

Some obscure religion or sect that views gluttony as a moral issue.
You know, so like:
Judaism
Christianity
Islam
Buddhism
Sikhism
old Greek religions
old Etruscan religions
old Roman religions
Hinduism
Shintoism 
But, really, these are just obscure and don't constitute a majority of all people on earth.
So to vaguely tie this back into video games she mentions Bioware.
Because a girl isn't going to be that familiar with other gaming companies.

Recently I’ve been giving some thought to the concept of M-rated.  Most of the games I own are M-rated.  It’s more of a coincidence than anything else. 

Okay I haven't read the rest of this post yet but I will bet a thousand dollars this becomes exclusively about Dragon Age.

Most of the games explain why they’re rated M for mature audiences.  Usually it’s because of violence, other times due to nudity and/or sexual situations.  But after some conversation that’s been going on in my Dragon Age writing forum, I’ve begun to wonder if mature audiences means only those situations such as gore, violence, sex, nudity, and/or drugs. 

Because she owns two games. They're Dragon Age and Dragon Age 2 and they're both M.
Possibly Mass Effect 2 and 3 (but not 1 because that one was almost halfway decent [also no gay romance unless it's a lesbian thing which won't be flying for a grrrrrl gamer]) because they're Bioware games.

As a writer and literature lover I tend to approach video games from the perspective of story, character, and most of all, themes. 

Am I the only person that approaches games with the perspective that they should be fun and if it's telling me a good story that counts as fun but also if it has good game play it's fun?

And it happens that the themes of such games as BioShock, Dragon Age, and Gears of War transcend the levels of violence and sexuality as far as maturity is concerned.

Not that you played Bioshock or Gears of War but whatever.

In those games and many others there is far more going on that I would almost call subtext that isn’t always meant for young audiences.

Pretext is the term I'd use but whatever.

began to think about this when a new forum member on the younger side said she disliked Anders and dared us to change her mind.  A forum member who loves Andes (and has analyzed him extensively and writes him beautifully) took up the challenge and wrote up a very mature, eloquent post explaining her analysis of his character as it related to the situation in Kirkwall in DA2.

Man I sure love video games. I especially love writing fanfiction about video games.
But I hate playing video games. Is there a community for me?
OH YEAH. DOZENS.

So is understanding what’s beneath the surface of Dragon Age 2, and even Dragon Age Origins.

Not a complete thought.
Jesus Christ. Know what she concludes?
Complex villains are more interesting than mindlessly evil villains.
Thank you, Aristotle.
People were seriously concluding this in the B.C.s. Where have you been for 2000 years of recorded history?

Some of the things it had to say were right on, and some things tended to pertain to a small portion of the gamer demographic.  But it had some interesting things to say about female gamers.  I know this issue is talked to death, and I know I’ll probably offend some people, and probably miss some points of discussion.

YAAAAY CAN'T WAIT.

But 1.)it’s my blog and I haven’t talked it to death, 2.)if you’re offended at least you think about things (and give me the opportunity to learn more about others’ perspectives) and 3.)this is such a huge topic that I’m bound to miss things, and accept that.  So: what does it mean for me pesonally to be a female gamer, and what do I think about women in games?

This is a huge issue, male gamers, and as a male gamer want to know what I think about male gamers?
Fuck who cares?
Why do I need to know about your gender in relation to your hobbies?

Interestingly enough, current statistics show that nearly 2/3 of online gamers are women.  Normally I like to defy the statistics in my ongoing quest for individuality.  However, this is one case where I’m proud to be part of the statistics, and a member of the majority.  I’ve been gaming in earnest since I was young, and owe much of that to Samus Aran of Metroid fame.  Growing up I was used to the idea that the Princess was in another castle.  So imagine my delight when the end of Metroid revealed that the badass bounty hunter I’d taken all over Zebes was a woman!

For someone who claims to love literature and themes as much as you you'd think you'd have spotted the context of that.
You go the entire game not knowing your character's gender then it's revealed that incidentally she's a woman.
So, you know, let's follow Metroid's example and not give a fuck about gender.
If you can kill the filthy aliens you're okay. Shut up.

 But what was troubling to me was that I recently read that many women prefer to play online as males.

NO NOT THAT!

Granted the study is nearly four years old, but conversely, I was having a conversation with a friend once about males and females online and he said that sometimes he intentionally plays as a female character because people underestimate him.

Am I the only person--
no fuck it these past few months have proven I am the only person.
I'm not reading the rest of it because it's boring.
And I accidentally closed the tab.
Freudian slip.

Who says video games and sci-fi/fantasy are a waste of time?  Who says you can’t learn anything from them?  For those that do, I present 10 lessons learned from my gaming and sci-fi/fantasy career:

Oh great.

4. We make our own luck. – Master Chief, Halo

Yes, truly Halo coined that concept.
Well according to some people Halo invented the notion of dual wielding in video games so why the fuck not?

Luck is described in many ways: blind, dumb, a lady… luck is fickle and changeable.  We can’t always rely on it, and must do our part to help ourselves along.  What some people would call luck, others would call the result of training, hard work, and perseverance.  In the Halo universe Master Chief is known for his luck, but if you look deeper into his backstory you’ll also see that in spite of the fact that he was considered lucky, he still worked his arse off.

Oh so only incompetent people would ascribe success to luck?
Yes, truly Halo coined such notions and--

Foolish indeed are those who trust to fortune.
- Lady Murasaki
'Tis man's to fight, but Heaven's to give success.
- Homer
Destiny is the invention of the cowardly, and the resigned.
- Ignazio Silone
The champion makes his own luck.
- Red Blaik

All people here dead before 1990 and in some cases dead before the year 1000.
SO YOU KNOW, ORIGINAL CONCEPT DO NOT STEAL.

  He knew what he needed to do to win, and didn’t rely on his ‘luck’, preferring instead to make his own luck.  In short, his actions paid off because he was willing to work for it; when the moment of truth came he had what it took to follow through.

SOOOO DEEEEEP.
There are complex issues explored in video games with surprising originality but this isn't an example.

I started out my Skyrim game wanting to join the Imperial Legion.  But the more I played and saw of them, and the more I heard and saw of Ulfric Stormcloak, the more I lean toward the Stormcloak rebellion.

Basically resigning Tamriel to slow subjugation at the hands of the Thalmor but whatever, girl gamer's first Elder Scrolls game was Oblivion so she doesn't know about any of this shit.

I’m an MFA who writes fanfiction; that sounds like the opening to a support-group/twelve-step introduction, but it’s who I am.

Master of fine arts who drops semicolons like they're about to be outlawed.
You may be a master of fine arts but I've got nerves of steel.

I’m a high school English teacher, so the fact that I game instantly gives me +50 approval with a lot of students.  Suddenly I’m not so alien.

UNTIL YOU SHOW THEM THE FURY OF THE ANCIENTS IN CALL OF DUTY.
No 14 year old can beat me at video games. I've been shooting Nazis since before you were born, son.

But am I really a gamer?

No.

From what I've seen you've played a few video games and let that define you.
We’re now in the dawn of 2012, and so far the only game I want is Mass Effect 3, which is coming out in just under two months.  I’ve never played Portal or Portal 2; never played Assassin’s Creed or any of the Final Fantasy games, and ironically, I know a great deal about Call of Duty Black Ops without ever having played it.  My gamerscore isn’t in the tens of thousands; heck, I was just happy to break four digits!

The fact you think gamerscore defines someone as a gamer proves you aren't.
I remember a time before gamerscore and still consider the notion of achievements as rather quaint.
If you can claim that then maybe you can define yourself as a gamer.
Not that I would because who gives a fuck?

By some standards I have large gaps in my gaming background.  And of course, when talking about games with my students the question comes up: “JayRain, are you going to get insertepicnewgamehere when it comes out??”

My next PC game will be Dishonored and it's already looking to be game of the year--

But I didn’t get Battlefield 3.

My best friend claims to like that game and yet I've never once heard him say anything positive about it so I'm not sure you're missing much there.
I haven't played that game either because frankly I'd just finished up playing Black Ops online like 2 months prior and wasn't quite ready for yet another FPS.

Even Dante’s Inferno, based on a work of literature I love, didn’t sear my wallet begging to be bought.

An English teacher who plays video games didn't get Dante's Inferno?
Why?
I preordered that fucker.
I never preorder games anymore.
Also you haven't played a Final Fantasy?
Seriously?
Even people who hate RPGs have been known to play Final Fantasy 5 or 6 or 7 or 9.
Oh good up to the first entry time to quit and pretend this never happened.