HUH HUH HUH HUH LLLLLLLLLLLL

I said I'd do this blog for a while now, but I seem to have forgotten about it for the past two weeks or so, and after looking at the fucking title I think I can see why.
I've noticed the biggest cunts in the world use Blogspot (me too hi I must be a cunt) so maybe I should start going there instead of Livejournal. Anyway I'd first like to draw attention to the title. Namely, WHAT. Living Proof God Has a Sense of Humor? About what? The story goes (because it was so great the first time I just had to reproduce it here) that she couldn't conceive her first child (God telling you something, I should think) so she instead prayed to Asclepius, god of medicine and also SCIENCE! (by which I mean she went to a fertility clinic. Asclepius has never been one to help those who can't help themselves) and had her first set of twins.
Ready for the sitcom twist? SHE CONCEIVED ANOTHER SET OF TWINS WITHOUT ANY AID OF SCIENCE OR MEDICINE! Har har, that'll show her! Err, wait.
How is a mom to deal with all this crazy stress? She has this to say:

"yes, better to have hands full than empty arms and a broken heart".

Ha, ha, ha! Be right back. Calling NBC.
I'm going to do something a little different this time and tackle her favorite entries list. Mighty proud of yourself, huh?
First one is 6 Major Discoveries I made in the Last 72 Hours.
Ready for this laugh riot?

1) My mind is constantly in the gutter. Take for instance, this innocent conversation between my two 4-yr olds:

Bella: Cole, give me one your balls.
Cole: No, I need them. I had them first. Go find your own balls to play with.

...
GET IT!?
I can't really read the rest of this list because I seem to temporarily forget English whenever I look at it, so I think I might have a problem here.
Next up is Dear Supernanny,
Basically she (I guess humorously, but if you find this funny you are suffering from brain damage) goes on about her parenting techniques which include such gems as "make your hands cold and then touch their necks" and "always keep them guessing" which to me sounds cuttingly close to space marine training regimes. Why yes, you have to keep them guessing and expose them to extreme temperatures!

the other 3 had completely scattered about, totally ignoring me. My friend said, "I love how they just run off in different directions..." and I said, "that's okay...they know where their bread is buttered" and I started walking to the mini-van without the other 3 kids. When they realized I wasn't going to hunt them down and chase them all over God's creation, all 3 of them came running after me, screaming, "Mommy, mommy.....wait for us". My friend just looked at me, smiled and said, "Oh, you're good....you've got it down pat". No further explanation needed on this one, obviously.

...
Manic Mother says:

You are too funny! lol!

lol!
Now we have what it would be like in her perfect world!

1) God would have both a pager and intercom system so in an emergency (like when the all the kids are pushing my buttons), I could page Him and suddenly my kids would hear a booming voice from the sky saying, "All of you pipe down NOW! I sent you into this world and I can take you out....so stop making your mother cry".

Wow God needs to take a time out and focus on his diction and grammar a bit.
Which is yet another reason why the Greek pantheon is superior. BEAUTIFUL GRAMMAR.

5) All babies would be born able to talk....they'd come straight out of their mother's wombs and say, "Hey, wassup....thanks for birthing me and all...unfortunately, that will NOT be the last time I make you cry....just sayin....now what does a baby gotta do around here to get a couple squirts of breastmilk?". In an even more perfect world, they'd also be born with a mute button.

Wait.Now there's an entry entitled "why didn't anyone tell me?" and she's being a regular George Carlin. Word humor is so easy to do anyone can do it!

I was filled with a plethora of emotions. Plethora? Plethora? Who came up with that word? It sounds like a disease that you'd find attacking your nether regions after a one-night stand with a guy who used the pick-up line "Wanna come see my HARD drive? Heh, heh...I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy".

Oh dear. Plethora, from Greek plēthōra (English is often creative like that) meaning "fullness" from the verb Plēthein "to be full". Of course I guess it does kind of sound like a disease. If you're stupid.

1) "worlds worst mother" - Someone googles "worlds worst mother" and they land on my blog?! WTF? Thanks, Google....you now officially suck, in my book.

OWNED. I could go on but really there's about a sentence per entry that's even worth commenting on (which has to be some kind of new low, even for Blogspot) so I think I'm going to go do something else.