Mining & Meteors

I could be mining.
Or stopping Sephiroth from dropping a meteor into the planet in Final Fantasy 7.
Or stop the Empire from dropping a meteor into the planet in Final Fantasy 14.
Square has one plot and they milk it.
But no, I'm here updating this shit.
You're welcome.

I have a pile of books that has been sitting next to the computer for a Very Long Time, some of them possibly over a year. I have had Plans to review each and every one of them, because I had things that I wanted to say. But in the interests of not beating myself up over things that aren't happening, and getting the books back on shelves, I'm going to try and list them, and maybe say a sentence or two about each of them.  

Har don't care.

After an epic day of shopping/errands, the kids and I have agreed to try and not get in the car for the next three days. In fact, the only reason we are planning on going out to it is to bring in the shopping, and maaaaybe to do some cleaning.

I have bought tomatoes (2 boxes), half of IKEA (the small stuff), dry goods from Kouks, music books and attachments for music stands, a stack of TV/movie DVDs (some of which are a belated b'day present), and ex-library books (one with a g-f focaccia recipe that I'm hoping to try tomorrow!!!!)

Someone record themselves reading this out loud and post a comment with a link to it because I can't be bothered to read these words.
If it's under 20 seconds I might listen to it.

Today is the first day of a two week holiday from work. Yes, it is the school holidays, and thus there will be Stuff that needs my attention, but I'm planning on not having large expectations of myself. What I have done is grabbed a roughly A1 piece of butchers paper, blu-tacked it to the wall, and got the kids (and myself) to write possibilities all over it. In the bottom corner, I've written a set of goals, which reads:

1. Have fun
2. Learn stuff
3. Get the house sorted

 Chievo #1: beat Final Fantasy 7.
Everything else is incidental.

  some days, the fannish part of my brain wins out over the rest. which made the following *statistics* web page title a little on the double take side of things:

FAN GIRL HERE.
I LIKE HOBBIES TRADITIONALLY ASSOCIATED WITH MEN BUT--
nah fuck it.
Not going through the whole thing again.
The thing she links I literally don't understand. It's like a graph of nonsense.

 Friday, in a desperate effort to do *something* I started pulling apart the music/sewing room, and taking everything off the shelves in the back hall. These needed to be done simultaneously, as incompetence on my part meant that there were multiple part stacks of fabric in both spaces.

Yesterday, I sorted the yarn (this was the easy bit). I also dealt with large chunks of fabric. And with artisanat's help, the furniture of the music/sewing room was rearranged, such that the seats all use the open space, rather than at least one attempting to use the space the rest of the furniture was. I'm pretty happy with the results, and Stuff was chosen to declutter as well.

Today, I have attempted to keep the process going, but the most amazing case of Doorway Brain*

This blog is so douchey it has notations.
Can you believe there's a blog with notations?
Doorway Brain, for those of you begging for Armageddon might be curious about, is defined by this cunt as:

* where going through a doorway, or a reasonable facsimile of such causes the current task to escape from conscious thought, leaving one with the 'where was I going, what did I want to get done?' bafflement. 

Ooooooooor you could have saved us all aggravation at having to follow your bullshit nonsensical trains of thought around and just written "I'm a dumb slut" instead.

I asked the ratusbagusaii who wanted to go, and eldest and middlest went 'meh', while youngest bounced and squee'd. Artisanat is perfectly happy to go if others are, but isn't motivated all on his lonesome. And thus I booked 3 tickets. And halfway through that process, middlest changed zer mind. Which makes me the big bad meanie, because I wouldn't go back, and find a spot that had four seats together (or five, because I'd be betting on eldest also changing zer mind), or make any arrangements for them to come too. 

You refer to your children as "zer"?
Why?
Zer?
Are you fucking joking?
You can say "him" or "her". It probably won't offend the snowflakes.
And I doubt seriously identifying your children by their gender will endanger them.
Jesus Christ could you be any more of a cunt?

And the writing is lovely. Understated, but very enjoyable use of language. And when I say understated - there is no one section that I noticed the writing, indicating that it is consistent. This comes out in the characters as well. Apart from the viewpoint character, there are several other major characters, all of whom come across in detail, with more than just a sense of the physical description (why, yes, I've been reading stories that focus on 'the brunette', 'the dark haired one', and other such frustrating ways of 'depicting' a character). 

Only women give a shit about overly ornate character description.
Just fill in the details in your own head, Jesus.
I like how she's reviewing books for young adults.
Why is the primary literary demographic for women books about kinky bondage and books intended for children?
Is that reality or is that just my skewed perspective thanks to these shitty blogs?

it occurs to me now to ask - is there anyone reading this journal who would like access to my general locked posts, and doesn't have it? I have a pretty broad policy on this - as long as I don't work with you, and I haven't had problems with you in the past, I'm happy to add. 

Oh yes, please let me see your locked posts.
The unlocked posts have been so stultifying I'd just love to see what you've deemed inappropriate for the general public.

This morning, youngest was up at six, having attempted to stay up late last night, in order to clear out zer desk. There are neat little piles all over zer floor. The desk has now a set of very specifically located items. Not sure what zie is going to do with the rest  -

Between the really uninteresting content and the really distracting grammatical quirks (guess which one I mean) this blog is virtually unreadable. I've spent the last five minutes just staring at my market orders.
This is a set of about 10 numbers that doesn't change.
Just staring into the void.
And let me tell you, those 10 numbers were off the fucking chain compared to this bullshit.

 There is something ironic in winning an ebay bid on two balls of the main colour of a crochet project so that you can finish it...

.. and running out of the contrast colour the same day.

*sigh*

fortunately, I have a failed experiment that includes a section of that colour, so I guess I'll be unpicking it today. 

>not using accented analogic colors
plebeian garbage
The youngest child is quite clearly a girl.
She just posted a picture of her.
Why in the fuck would you use gender neutral pronouns then?
I was giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming it was some sort of motherly "I'm protecting my child's identity online" thing but no, here she is.

Which, given that it has a very narrow perspective - that of a pre-teen/early teen male - is possibly not surprising. And the handling of the main character's disability appears to be done well** - there is healing across the course of the story, but even though Odd goes to Asgard, there is no 'hand of god(dess)'***

Did I mention the notation thing is in almost every post?
Surely, you're thinking, this dumb cunt can't notate her own thoughts with further digressions about her own thoughts?
Why wouldn't she just add them in the paragraph where it's appropriate?
WELL I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT SHE DOES.

** I hate this about the english language. I want to say hand of god and have it mean male or female or other or both or neither, but I know damn well that people will interpret it as the former, and thus I have to indicate that it isn't necessarily and argh. 

It was common in Norse and even Greek and Roman mythology to refer to the gods as male mostly because they transcended our petty notions of gender.
Even though the gods have human emotions and act in a seemingly human way they're supposed to be way superior to man so doing this bullshit gender politics nonsense is kind of stupid because I doubt it's an argument they'd want to be part of.
Like Athena was a great warrior while being a goddess.
Did anyone say "hey Athena that's a man's job"?
Everyone was too busy flipping their shit and possibly getting their shit mangled by ball lightning to notice.
This woman claims to be a scientist but I'm not buying it. Probably some sort of feminist theory scientist or something.
Those exist, I assume.
Sorry I lost interest.
Fuck blogs.

The Dick

Girl gamer here.
She likes hobbies and movies traditionally associated with men but she also likes girly things like sewing and fanfiction and internet feminism--
IS THIS TODAY'S BLOG OR EVERY SINGLE WOMAN ON THE INTERNET EVER?
I've turned off every single distraction there is to keep me from updating this shit.
No EVE, no Final Fantasy, no other reading--
just me, some background music and oblivion.

So, Kate Alexander, you just had to let readers know that the heroine of your WWII novel Friends and Enemies (1982) is pretty by having her older brother think on page 3 that if she weren't his sister, he'd find her superhot, and then having him go on to list her charms in his mind, which include "all the right curves." This makes the brother feel "uneasy." Yeah. That makes me feel uneasy, too! Even more so because the heroine is only seventeen.

>Reading books written by women
harr not today.

Apparently that was not gross enough, since on page 4, when her future love interest Gunther showed up, you had the brother think that she looked "good enough to eat." And it was just great when you compounded this literary crime by immediately headhopping into Gunther's POV in the middle of the scene, so we know that Gunther thinks she looks good enough to eat, too.

What the actual fuck? This is some V. C. Andrews–grade creepitude, except in a novel that I'm pretty damn sure isn't about incest. Did no one at any point in the publishing process feel any hint of uneasiness about this shit?

Right now I'm longing for the war to start and hoping that the creepy older brother dies before I have to read any more of his musings on the attractions of his little sister. I'm guessing that's not what you were going for.

Strong independent womyn

I've read books involving actual incest. What's your fucking problem?

Grow a set, Christ.

IF YOU'RE LINKING TO HUGE SPOILERS, HOW ABOUT NOT INCLUDING THE ACTUAL HUGE SPOILER IN THE LINK TEXT?

(SEE HOW I'M NOT HINTING AT WHAT THE SPOILER IS? OKAY I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO HINT AT THE FANDOM. YOU'LL KNOW SOON ENOUGH, BELIEVE ME.)

I've been replaying Final Fantasy 7 because it was released on Steam recently and holy Christ are people whining bitches about spoilers.

UMMM SPOILERS PLEASE I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW AERIS DIED AT THE END OF DISC 1.

How about the game is 16 years old and you have to live with the fact you're joining in at a late date?

SPOILERS PLEASE I DIDN'T KNOW GARLAND WAS ACTUALLY CHAOS AT THE END OF FINAL FANTASY 1.

26 YEAR OLD GAME ACCOMMODATE MY NEEDS.

The game is older than I am and I beat it. Get with the program, pleb.

I keep writing posts and then deleting them because I'm afraid they're too dreary and negative. (It's been a hell of a week.)

Har worrying about being negative

Imagine if I never posted a negative entry?

I'd have one entry.

That time I was sarcastically pleasant the entire time.

So, you're watching Vikings, right?

Not even if you paid me.

If not, here is the main reason you should:

Picture of a really bitchy looking white wahm.

I can think of no reason I'd rather watch a show.

This is Lagertha. She knows her way around sword and shield — and the loom, too.

I do not advise messing with this woman. Even if you are her husband. (Perhaps especially if you are her husband, if the sagas are anything to go by.) She will cut you.

In conclusion: TEAM LAGERTHA.

In conclusion what the fuck are you talking about?

Never mind.

Apparently it's a show on the History channel which further proves the History channel isn't about history at all anymore.

History?

No we can fulfill female power fantasies and feminism!

Fucking goddamn it.

You know how most women are supposedly wearing the wrong bra size?

Yes, I was. You probably are, too. Odds are, most of you are wearing bras that are too big in the band and too small in the cup.

Amerifats.

Don't let those Victoria's Secret salespeople try to fit you. VS still uses the discredited add-inches rule [ETA: plus they measure for your underbust over your bust! The hell?] that will leave you swimming in a too-large band (with a too-small cup size). Some of their bras are decent if you fit into their not-terribly-extensive size range, but do not let them tell you what size you need.

The sizes VS has had me in for many, many years: 36C or 38B (sister sizes in that they have the same cup volume), depending on the bra style.

The size I truly am, according to both the bra bloggers and the real bra fitter at Nordstrom: 34DD (US sizing, also sometimes called 34E, which is confusingly a cup size smaller than a UK 34E, which would be the equivalent of a US 34F!) 

Did you know the bra was invented by a man?

Inexplicably?

You can tell because you need a doctorate in mathematics to figure out how the measurement system works.

If a woman invented it the sizes would be based around making everyone feel good about themselves.

You know what I think would be a very popular Olympic event among my fellow Americans?

Bob Costas in a dunk tank.

A dunk tank FULL OF HUNGRY SHARKS.

Finally someone who understands my hatred of Bob Costas.

And from an unlikely source.

This is from a woman who scrapped several posts because they were "too negative".

All the proof I need for Robert Costas being a tool factory.

So sad that Mad Men has reached 1966, due to fashion taking a turn for the hellaciously ugly in the mid-1960s and staying fug pretty much ever since.* That takes away a significant amount of the show's appeal, to be honest.

I just want pretty things! Is that so wrong?








*I'm old enough to retain some memories of the 1970s. The horror. THE HORROR.

So what'd we learn from this post?

One: apparently the only reason she watches TV shows is because of fashion (other posts hinted at this but this confirms it).

Two: she's way, way too old to be acting like this.

You have memories from the 70s?

I don't even have memories of the first part of the 90s and I'm more mature than this.

When the going gets tough, the tough read fanfic.

For four hours.

Instead of editing, writing, or tackling the kilometer-long to-do list.

So stressed out by November that I've broken through to the other side and just don't care anymore.

I plan to enjoy this while it lasts.

Independent white woman here

When I read or write fiction, I always "see" the action in a vivid cinematic fashion, like a movie in my head; I thought everyone did that, but I have been informed that this is not the case. Huh. So am I the weird one, or the people who don't have movies in their heads when they read/write?

Doesn't matter what plebeians think or don't think.

Anyway, for me, one of the most fun parts of prepping for NaNoWriMo or any fiction writing is the casting of actors as the characters. It must be frustrating for published writers who use this method to have completely wrong actors cast in film/TV adaptations of their work. (Please oh please let me have a chance to find out someday for myself.)

God is this really how people write?

No wonder fiction sucks.

IS IT NOVEMBER YET? I WANT TO GET MY SPACE OPERA ON.






*Just so you know, Indira Varma and Thomas Kretschmann would have attractive offspring. Also crazy smart, although the genetic engineering had something to do with that — both the crazy and the smart. And what do you think you'd get from Claudia Black and Damian Lewis? Luckily for them, they had access to more advanced genetic engineering, so their offspring mostly escaped the crazy, although I suspect their daughter will take little comfort in that when a certain semimad scientist starts driving her around the bend.

Oh attractive geniuses?

With no flaws due to genetic engineering?

They sound really interesting what with their no flaws to overcome or compensate for.

I'm sure it'll do well with the target demographic because if I've learned anything from the fanfiction crowd it's that any adversity or struggle doesn't go over well.

At least not as well as annoying noises, emotes and homoerotica. 

TOR: My husband is beta testing The Old Republic. I'm not an MMO person (I'll play TOR because it's Star Wars, not because I play well with others), but he is, and he's impressed by what he's played so far. What I can say is that it's gorgeous and the voice acting is top-notch, well worth the necessity of defiling my own MacBook Pro with Windows when the time comes.

Haha oh wow

So much shit wrong with that statement I'm not even going to dwell on it.

Fuck blogs.

fug :DDDDDDDDD

Slim pickings today.
Unless you like reading bullshit roleplay stories.
You know I shit on fanfic a lot but at least it's not roleplaiyng.

Attn non-Tumblr-ers: American Idol/Rymon Comedy Hour posts are now sorted under the rymon rewatch tag. Let me know if something is missing. We’ve finished season 5. Season 6 starts Monday. Brace yourselves for Sanjaya, Blake Lewis, Ryan and Simon's African honeymoon, and an almost unreal amount of gay innuendo. BEST! SEASON! EVER!

Are these words?
Composed by a human?
Or are they words a machine has assembled to seem like a coherent thought?

Hi guys. I’m super into Star Trek now. TOS, almost exclusively, but it’s really just a matter of time. I’ve already projectile vomited my feelings all over poor squonk and bironic, among others, and now I have a TOS Tumblr where I’m documenting my thorough rewatching of the entire series, plus movies, plus probably all the other Star Trek series, and then the reboot … with pictures!! If that’s something you’re into, you should watch along with me.

I love having movies ruined by idiots.
That's why I went to see The Lone Ranger opening day in a theater filled with people suffering from brain damage because holy shit why did they laugh at every single thing that happened in the movie?
Intended to be funny or not it sure tickled someone's fancy.
Also holy Christ could that movie have been any longer or less interesting?

Where do you do fandom?

In hell.

- Dreamwidth
- LiveJournal
- Tumblr
- Twitter
- AO3
- somewhere else 

Fuck.
What is AO3?
Archive of Our Own.
AOOO.
AO3.
Because you include "of" in your acronym, naturally.

We're a fan-created, fan-run, non-profit, non-commercial archive for transformative fanworks, like fanfiction, fanart, fan videos, and podfic.
While the site is in beta, you can get an invitation from another user or from our automated invite queue. All fans and fanworks are welcome!

God.
Let's see the fandoms--
EVE Online
Are you fucking joking?

Unearthing the Past by MiloKhan
EVE Online 

    Mature
    No Archive Warnings Apply
    F/F, Multi
    Work in Progress

17 Jul 2012
Tags

    No Archive Warnings Apply
    Science Fiction
    Love
    Action/Adventure
    Consensual
    Polyamory

Summary

    A story about exploring the history mostly alluded to in the universe of EVE Online, from the perspective of Evelynne, a new capsuleer. Follow her as she learns all is not as it seems in the galaxy, and discovers love and companionship along the way.

What the fuck is happening
Warhammer.

All This and Heaven Too by purplekitte

Warhammer 40.000, Horus Heresy - Various Authors 

    Explicit
    Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
    M/M
    Complete Work

3 Jul 2013
Tags

    Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
    Primarchs/Astartes
    Roboute Guilliman
    Aeonid Thiel
    Konrad Curze
    Jago Sevatarion
    Leman Russ
    Bulveye
    Alpharius Omegon
    Ahzek Ahriman - Character
    Magnus (WH40k)
    Horus (WH40k)
    Hastur Sejanus
    Sigismund (WH40k)
    Rogal Dorn
    Lion El'Jonson (Warhammer 40K)
    Luther (Warhammer 40K)
    Sanguinius (WH40k)
    Azkaellon (WH40k)
    Vulkan (WH40k)
    Numeon (WH40k)
    Incest
    Why Did I Write This?
    Intercrural Sex
    Blow Jobs
    Anal Sex
    I don't even have tags that can properly warn for this fic

Summary

    You think no one does it? Takes what is offered so very willingly? (Primarchs/Astartes slash)

Are you fucking kidding me I mean come the fuck on.

Never again.

1. I just realized that Tumblr is potentially an entirely new audience of people for me to convert to Rymon (and Ryan in general) fandom. With that in mind, should I be applying tags more liberally to my Tumblr posts? I’ve already had a few things reblogged by Simon fans who are not following me--and Saula fans, oh my goodness gracious, if they only knew--and I’m always anxious to spread the gospel, as it were. I have also tried some of these silly random tags that I've heard so much about--are those useful or just funny? I feel like a tiny baby with chubby flailing limbs right now.

What the fuck is Rymon?
You know what
never mind.
Last time I asked that I found out there was Warhammer 40,000 gay incest fanfic.
Apparently it's fanfiction of Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell from American Idol.
Can you write fanfiction about them?
They're not characters or even actors playing characters.
Those are real people.
Here's an especially disturbing post about how Ryan Seacrest and Simon from American Idol must have tons of gay sex off camera--
What the fuck am I reading?
Apparently this isn't just one sad creature that obsesses over these two has-beens or never-weres. There's an entire internet group of these people devoted to just posting about Ryan Seacrest and Simon.
From American Idol.
I feel I have to keep saying "from American Idol" because anyone reading this has probably forgotten who they are because who in their right mind has watched American Idol in the last decade?

Simon on Oprah. So this is going to be some bullshit. Let's watch, shall we?

Oh long post short: it seems to imply Simon isn't gay (maybe he isn't? Who cares?) and the woman who keeps this blog is flipping her shit like how dare the man imply he doesn't fuck Ryan Seacrest
from American Idol
in the ass.
Why is this so important to you, lady?
I don't care who is dating who in life.
Maybe it's because I'm a man and I don't give a shit about stuff like this but last time I met a gay couple here was my reaction: "oh ok."

Ugh, American Idol, SO boring tonight. There was only one dick joke! They sedated Seacrest!

Take a guess how many posts about American Idol I've skimmed. 
Go on.
Write down an answer somewhere.
Ballpark it.
Let's say you win if you're within 5 posts.
Ok do you have your answer written down?
FORTY SEVEN.

Someone in the audience is holding a glittery sign that says "RYAN + SIMON 4-EVER" inside a big red heart. Hee. ONE OF US, ONE OF US!

God.

Oh my god, this show gets weirder every week. And it's already the weirdest show ever, so this is really pushing the limits of weirdness. Ryan walks through a tunnel of contestants and finds Simon with his arm tightly around Ellen. I predicted this, that Simon would get all weirdly jealous about Ryan's thing with Ellen and would try to one-up him. Fighting over the affections of a married lesbian. Ryan, of course, is totally delighted by this, because wouldn't you be?

Oh
no
yeah
totally
do you think about anything else?
Oh shit here's a post about House fanfiction--
where House and Wilson are having gay sex, naturally--
but at least it's not American Idol.
That's-- something, I guess?
Oh God I ended up leaving this for like 12 hours fuck the police