Shut up

Even though Kristen Stewart cheated you're not allowed to call her a slut, guys.
It's mean.
Isn't that kinda what she is, though?
Slut, by definition, is a woman with loose sexual morals.
Cheating, if I may be so bold, is the action of someone with loose sexual morals.
That's today's nugget of wisdom from ONTD_P.
I have no further commentary on this because the level of fuck I do not give about Kristen Stewart, her sparkly boyfriend or that schlock movie has reached a level few others have ever achieved.

Naomi starts kindergarden the 15th. I am very nervous. And excited. And sad.

You know something that annoys me about movies that are set in like Ancient Egypt, Rome and Greece? Is why they have fucking white statues all over the place. We know those statues used to have paint, but due to being extremely fuckin' old, the paint has worn off (DUR) just like you have to repaint a fucking old house or shit. Jesus Christ film directors, get it together.

Have you seen the pictures of the recreations of the painted statutes?
The Greeks, Romans and Egyptians didn't really have a clue about how to paint statues.
Apparently she was aware of this because she then shows a picture of the painted statues and how much better those are.
I guess if you're mentally ill, maybe.

I'm on vacationnnn. We drove to Pensacola, FL. We're swimming at the beach today. It's been raining and we ran out onto the beach during a storm and it was sooo cooool. Hopefully it will be sunny later so we can parasail.

I also managed to get a B in chemistry! Bs drag down my GPA but fuck it. I tried.

>B
>chemistry
plebeian.

pretty stressed out, my chem final is tomorrow morning and I AM NOT PREPARED.

She then shows the "you are not prepared" comic that's a parody of a World of Warcraft cutscene.
I should point out this is from like 3 expansions ago and is probably 4 or 5 years old so great job being timely there.

After the Batman shooting, I see all these anti-gun control people saying things like, "if only someone in the theater had a gun to take out the shooter" and "criminals don't follow laws."

Okay sure. But it was a dark theater and everyone was panicking... I can barely find my friends in their seats if they don't yell "WE'RE OVER HERE" at me. If someone tried to shoot him, they'd probably either miss or hit someone else, and even if they did shoot him somewhere on his body, he was WEARING BODY ARMOR so it would do no good. 

Wow.
Wow, really?
That's your argument?
I'M A DUMB CUNT WHO CAN'T DO ANYTHING SO NO ONE ELSE COULD POSSIBLY HOPE TO STOP THIS GUY.
Also: wearing body armor = invincible to bullets.
Definitely can't hit a limb or the head or anything.
Shit, can't even use a high powered gun to punch through body armor.
You do realize modern body armor really only stops debris and small arms fire from killing you, right?
Like even a strong handgun will punch right through that shit and if it doesn't it'll at least give you pause for thought.
I'm not one to advocate arming the citizenry because, as George Carlin said best, "think about how stupid the average person is-- and half of them are dumber than that!" but that's a seriously lame argument.

My second point about gun control is that NO CIVILIAN NEEDS AN ASSAULT RIFLE. Period. Ever. The point of the weapon is to kill and maim as many people as possible, not self defense. There is no reason for any hunter or self defender to have that sort of thing. America gets mad when countries like Iran have possible nuclear weapons, right? Where are the anti-gun control people then? Where are the chants of "nukes don't kill people, people kill people"? I like my liberties as much as the next person, but I don't develop a paranoid fear of the guvment coming to storm my house and not having an assault rifle JUST IN CASE that happens. That doesn't happen to anyone except poor brown people anyway. You probably haven't even heard this news story of police shooting unarmed Latinos:

No civilian needs an iPhone either but I don't hear you whining about that.
Also if you want to get technical the point of any weapon is to maim or kill as many people as possible so why not ban all weapons?
Also shut up.

So what are white conservatives so angry about anyway? The government is pretty much on your side... What are we all paranoid about? Like a Zombie apocalypse will really happen? 

Someone breaking into my house and stealing my shit?
That does happen.
In fact just yesterday I read about a 95 year old man who put a bullet in a guy's chest because he was breaking in.
That's exactly why people own guns.

All I'm saying is that the less violent weapons available to anyone on the mass market, the less violence there is going to be. A resourceful killer can stab you with a pencil, but if a sociopath has free access to machine guns, he will use the machine guns. 

... Isn't that a reason to be armed?
Your argument really is all over the fucking place.

I was recently reading a cracked.com article about 5 Ways Modern Men are Trained to Hate Women.

It's odd how cracked has gone a bit social justice warrior lately, or at least a little more bold faced about anti-sexism. Still 100% male perspective though.

And coincidentally no longer funny.
I mean I'm not blaming Cracked or anything because you gotta make bank but being an internet warrior for social causes = bane of humor.

I was recently reading a cracked.com article about 5 Ways Modern Men are Trained to Hate Women.

It's odd how cracked has gone a bit social justice warrior lately, or at least a little more bold faced about anti-sexism. Still 100% male perspective though.

Anyway,#5. We Were Told That Society Owed Us a Hot Girl. This really resonated with me, and the amount of superficial self professed "Nice Guys" who cry all over the internet from facebook to 9gag about being friendzoned by the hot girl in their lives, and how come they can't get a sane, pretty, smart girl?

Because 99% of guys are dumb fucks who try to leech onto the first pretty girl that walks by when she's a huge cunt spoiled by the decadence of a postmodern, 1st world nation?

I found this prevalent with guys who were on the surface "nice guys," and beloved by friends and seemed selfless great catches. But scratch the surface, and it's entitlement-ville. "How come a nice guy like me is single?"

I'm not really a nice guy but my reason is good: it's self-imposed.
I mean really, read my blog.
This is the shit floating around an average American girl's brain.
Good luck.

1) They aren't actually nice. See this youtube. In their heads and in public they are, but in their own homes they're skeevy and have some sort of hero complex. Just because they don't beat/rape women and aren't the "bad boy" dangerous type who will ride a motorcycle and do crack or whatever, doesn't mean they are morally supreme. They are probably not above lying to women, but in the more subtle way.

And women never fucking lie ever.
Don't expect moral perfection because it doesn't exist in anyone.
I'm getting real sick of this double standard, too.
It's okay when women lie because it's cute but when a man lies he's abusive.

2)A They only want hot girls. And god forbid if she isn't thin with a pair of perky boobs. They want the GIRL to lower her standards to meet their level, while simultaneously refusing to give plain/fat girls a chance. "But I have such a big heart," the dudes will say. If that's not enough for a girl, why is it enough for a guy?

I find women, on average, have unreasonable standards compared to men but I find both groups about as equally unreasonable so I'm giving you this one.

2)B They do not want an intelligent girl. They claim they want someone beautiful/sane/smart, but the smart part? They ignore that. "Nice guys" feel threatened by nerdy and brainy girls with an actual opinion and voice. 

I have yet to meet a "nerd girl" who was legitimately interested in things deemed nerdy and not just doing it for attention so I feel this is a non-point but if you can dredge up that purple cow I'll be glad to redact my statement.

3) They friendzone themselves. I know it is the 21st century, but most girls still feel social pressure to be the one who is asked out, not the one who initiates a relationship. That sucks and perhaps the new generation of girls will feel more comfortable asking guys out. HOWEVER. Many guys harbor super-secret crushes in the deepest reaches of their soul and never even attempt to flirt or act like they are interested in a girl, then lament being the "shoulder to cry on." They feign interest in her problems and pretend to be the supportive friend; meanwhile they are only doing this to get into her pants later.

"I'm sorry it's that way", really?
Really?
If something is shit for women and a man says "well that sucks but that's the way it is" it's sexism and this and that and it's the fucking Armageddon.
Also I know you said most nice guys aren't really that nice but based on the way you've set this up even a nice guy is an asshole so I'm guessing no one is winning period.
Even being interested in her dumbass problems is just "feigning interest so you can fuck her" so I guess you're fucked either way so you might as well be an asshole.
See what I mean when I say dating girls from the 1st world is a sucker's game?

So that's what I think "nice guys" are. Guys who don't treat women like real people and feel superior to others just because they aren't wife beaters.

So there we have it. Even nice guys are just petty manipulators who are only one step above wife beaters.
Good luck with that shit, people.
I'd feel sympathy for someone in this but frankly I think everyone involved kinda sucks so I'm only on one side:
my side.

Diet food is stupid. I don't understand the "healthy option" snacks like Special K and the 100 calorie packs.

They are far worse than actually having a hand full of granola. And if I wanted a fuckin' candy bar, I wouldn't eat a Special K. Come on. Pick one. Yummy granola and fruit or a fudge brownie. Don't try to combine the two in a processed bland clusterfuck and expect me to be like, "wow, I'm gonna save 15 calories by eating this shit!"

I know I spend a lot of time on this blog bitching about stupid shit so I'm one to talk but I really want to show this post to someone in Africa right now.
That's how decadent a society we are. There is so much fucking food in this country and the average citizen has gorged himself to the point where an entire industry has to exist to keep us from being fat because we, as a people, will exercise 0 willpower to lose weight we have to be tricked into doing it through health food if we can even be bothered
and then
and then the killer part is your average person has the gall to complain about it.
"Hey this girl is complaining her granola bar is too small and doesn't taste very good."
"Oh really? I haven't had a glass of water without shit particles floating in it for 30 years."

Look at how small this shit is. (found this image on google) And see how they try to cleverly stick chocolate chips all over it to disguise the fact that it tastes like a cardboard poop brick.

At least it doesn't literally have shit on it because--
you know--
a large part of the world that's a risk you run.

• Current Mood: bitchy

Welcome to the dating scene.
Have fun~

4) I've been in a pretty pissy mood about Christmas in general though. I can celebrate with Naomi because I love her, but seriously some of this irritates the shit out of me. How come in cartoons, Santa delivers toys all around the world? Shouldn't he be dropping some hazmat suits in Chinese industrial centers, and hardtack rations for the Republic of Congo? Children in Bangladesh are probably making their shit for them for the holidays and not receiving anything except for bronchitis and rickets. 

But your granola bar tastes bad :(((((
wait you're not allowed to pull this card with the level of whining you did.

Also in an attempt not to seem racist, douche bags will lump Kwanza and Hanukkah in with the "season." 

Maybe someone out there celebrates Kwanzaa.
Fuck you there might be someone.

Dear white people: Nobody gives a fuck about Kwanza. Name one fucking black person you know who celebrates it. Also Hanukkah is not an important Jewish holiday. Yom Kippur is important, but nobody knows about it because it's not during winter, and it is a rather solemn event instead of being festive enough to compare to Christmas.

I know actual Jewish people who are pretty big on Hanukkah.
It's mostly for children (like Christmas) but you know it's their version of letting their kids have fun during a shitty time of the year.
You don't have to get all PC on people.
You don't have to ruin everyone's good time.
I know it seems like that's what I was doing but I was really just trying to pick on her pettiness. I don't hate rich people having fun.
I'm just saying we're a decadent, whiny society with 0 appreciation for the amazing shit in our lives.

Americans can't even fathom a Greek Myth adaptation that doesn't have Zeus = God and Hades = Satan. In their dumbed down views, good and evil are a dichotomy and Santa delivers presents to all the children, and all religions are just pretty much like their own but with different races of Jesus.

I mean yeah it's a simplified view of the religion for uneducated, heathen masses but it's not as far off as you seem to be implying.
I mean let's just look at the Wikipedia description of the two:

In the ancient Greek religion, Zeus (Ancient Greek: Ζεύς, Zeús; Modern Greek: Δίας, Días) is the "Father of Gods and men" (πατὴρ ἀνδρῶν τε θεῶν τε, patḕr andrōn te theōn te) who rules the Olympians of Mount Olympus as a father rules the family. He is the god of sky and thunder in Greek mythology.

Father of the Gods and men.
Father
of all men.
And he lives in the sky and he's like this fatherly figure with a beard--
Christians were likely inspired by images of Zeus in their depictions of their god.
Now let's contrast that:

Hades (play /ˈheɪdiːz/; from Greek ᾍδης (older form Ἀϝίδης), Hadēs, originally Ἅιδης, Haidēs or Άΐδης, Aidēs (Doric Ἀΐδας Aidas), meaning "the unseen") was the ancient Greek god of the underworld.

so he's like god of where ghosts and shit hang out and his titles are shit like "the unseen" and he has something called the helm of darkness--
Admittedly in the actual myth cycle he was fairly altruistic and passive instead of like this devil kind of dude but we are talking about a primarily uneducated mass of people who are, as previously stated, heathens. Expecting this level of sophistication from them is asking a bit much.

ok forget all that bullshit I said about true love. I just want a boyfriend that won't fucking cheat on me. Or like me better than some random skanks. I'm so fucking depressed.

All right let me be frank with you
I saw your picture
you're a fairly attractive Asian chick
you just said you weighed 111 pounds and were upset you were up from 105
there's no physical reason for me to not like you
and yet all this shit
all this shit you put me through
this is why we can't be friends.

I used to be a little indie shit bag that had disdain for anything playing on the radio. But that is because the shit that was popular circa 2004-2008 wasn't very good.

I think pop music has reached a zenith, actually. 

... In 1982, you mean.
It hit is zenith in 1982.

People complain about how repetitive and autotuned it is, but I think they've finally reached a peak of what pop music can be. It's still fluff, yeah, but it's DAMN CATCHY now. Instead of just overproduced garbage, it's now overproduced garbage that you can shake your rump to. 

Can't dance to this song, no.
What, are you out of your fucking mind?
I CAN ONLY DANCE TO KESHA.

All of a sudden we've got these great beats and good use of sampling... Formulaic as the hits are, they have become better at making them. And look at Lady Gaga. Like or dislike her, someone like her would never have been accepted in the N'sync era of pop.

WHAT, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND? 
I mean not to defend Madonna here but you know without her Lady Gaga would still be a stripper.

Day 04 ⇝ Your views on religion

I am not religious. I do not believe in God or any other cosmic forces in the world, including spirits, dianetics, and karma.

That's funny because you sure were pitching a bitch about it a second ago.
You know, I appreciate it. I like being angry at bullshit sometimes too but you should at least call it is.
You're just grinding an axe to be grinding. Don't act like this is some great social cause you're standing for.

I am very interested in the history of religions and how each reflects the culture it came from. I have a little collection of religious texts (some are in storage at Tim's...).

Err--
Yeah, stop on by and pick those up--
Sometime--
I guess--

Every person in the entire fucking class failed the test.

So he curved it... THANK YOU KRISHNA. I got a B.

Ha, ha, yeah I saw that happen once--
except I got a 92% on the test in the first place.
So on the curve I got a 100% and everyone else dropped 8%. I think that's how that works.
Anyway everyone failed even harder thanks to me.
Awesome.
Oh apparently she has a kid.
Great job mentioning her in these other posts--
Eh.
All right, I'm off to pay some Guild Wars 2.
Man vs. Gate: An Ancient Struggle as I call it.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh

Today we have a new type of blog (well, sort of). It's a blog about a stoner. These people are always very annoying because they're so quick to point out that they're SMOKIN' WEEEEEEED, MAN. Who gives a flying fuck, honest to God? What, are you 12 and getting off on doing something BAD? Is that what's happening here?
Then, when you point out you're on laudanum or something equally adult and you find their pot childish and tame, they either leave or get really butthurt. Jeez, chill out. I thought pot made you mellow.

i just found some papers in a box...like rolling papers type o papers.

Like rolling papers type "o" papers. I see we're dealing with a master of the English language, here.

theyre large lol i recall buying em back when i smoked way too much pot because regular papers wernt big enough lol looking at these things its like...i could easily fit 2 grams in one of these papers if not more haha

I'm glad someone is laughing because I'm groaning right now.

last night was fun. me and amy went out and convinced other people to come out. my cousin came and it turns out she doesnt suck haha i just assume all ym family members suck but she was pretty cool.

That reminds me on an essay I handed in last week I kind of said that an epic poem isn't epic because it follows the epic form but the epic form helps create the feeling of a grand event unfolding before you, and to accentuate this I mentioned that Dante's Inferno had no epic invocation, then I was recently revisiting it and was hit square in the face by the epic invocation in canto 2, so good work, me. Hopefully that doesn't adversely affect my grade by being dead fucking wrong but I guess it happens to everyone at some point oh well~

and jeremy from charlottetown came cuz amy pretty much forced him too lol and when me and my cousin went to get papers we ran into meewa from charlottetown too!

Jesus Christ.

actually shes been in japan since november and she just got back and shes off to charlottetown today.

Do you know what happens if they catch people with pot in Japan?
They cut off their hands.
No, they throw them in jail for a long time and then deport them if they're foreign. I must say it seems a little harsh to me but if it prevents shit like this from coming out of their country-- can't really complain.

so ya....religion may not be a bad thing in theory but some people dont really do it right lol

lol it's okay guys I said lol so it's automatically funny.

i got picked up by russell...a giant pot head dude that was pretty sketchy but had a shit load of good weed.

Man you're as bad as the religious with this shit. They can't go one sentence without mentioning Jesus, you can't go one sentence without mentioning pot.

he had a miniature doberman and we stopped at about 8 tim hortons lol we also were so stoned the whole way it didnt really matter if he was crazy lol he was tellin me he did 5 years in jail after being involved in a police chase where he drunkenly rammed some cop cars off the road while trying to ditch 5 kilos of coke out his window.

Connected thoughts or the ramblings of a mental patient?

easiest goodbye so far. i was smoking a bowl on the front porch and caleb was smokin one in the back.

Jesus Christ, man.

not much goin on here. me and mira went adventuring a lil bit yesterday then raked our yard...i broke the rake lol oh and i got rid of her evil blinds too! it was super duper nice outside so basically i just kept finding excuses to go outside haha

lol lol haha

today...hmm..its a high of 1 so i dont need to be outside much lol ive got a few things to do....

HIGH of one, right you fuck?
No? No mention of smoking and adding fifteen lols to it so I know it's actually funny and not obnoxious?

im feeling oh so loved lately. everyones missing mark.

I'm hoping Mark gets hit by a bus.

her brian is tellin her to do one thing but the rest of her wants to do another.

What-- oh, her brain. Okay.

i shaved.....but i took pictures!

I hate the internet.

what a great weekend. erica rocks. she likes to take things slower than any girl ive ever met lol but at least shes down with cuddles.

Saying something that can be construed as negative= "add an lol so they know I'm not mean". Does this work? I mean yes, it does, but, but why?

from friday after work until about an hour ago when she tucked me into bed and sang me a lullaby before insisting on going home to her own bed lol

Suddenly reminded of Paradise Lost only the stoner version where instead of eating from the tree of the knowledge of life and death "from which thou shalt not eat" Eve smoked a bowl after being tempted by a giant hemp rope snake.
Ah, but it's not all bad. Adam and Eve had to fall so we could all be saved by Rastafarian Jesus.

honestly....i have no idea why i didnt kiss her or anything lol besides the fact im retarded lol but i think now that shes gone and my brains working right again its pretty obvious she likes me.

lol I don't know why I didn't lol kiss lol her lol I think lol she likes lol me lol lol
You motherfucker.

so tonight got boring and caleb felt like gettin high so we got high and played video games for a few hours.

Okay I think we've all had enough of this shit.

Here it is

The ultimate Method 1 seed for Pokemon:
d2140289
Turn the date to 2051 and enjoy your all 31 IV wondercard Pokemon, pussies.
Don't say I never did anything for you.
If that's not enough information because you're a lazy fucker like all my Pokebros, then your target time is 4/26/2051 at 20:56:50 and your target delay is 598 with your coin app at HHHHTTTHHH and a frame of 114. Add two to the frame for 116, divide by two and you have to flip your journal 58 times.
Onto less pressing issues: Healthcare Reform.

It may surprise you, but downloading 15 - 24" X 36" technical drawings takes more than a millisecond.

This is surprising because I have no fucking clue what that means. Do you mean 15 24x36 drawings? As in inches? Shouldn't that be in terms of resolution if it's on the computer?
Who the fuck knows?

Also if you're using a printer/scanner optimized for Windows 7 and you refuse to upgrade to Service Pack 3 for your XP there are going to be a few glitches.

I'll be sure to keep this in mind next time I'm upgrading my XP machine-- wait.

I sound like I know what I'm talking about don't I?

Not really, since by my calculations 24x36 is about 2305x3450, which I would fully expect to finish up in a couple of seconds if you were on any sort of business connection.

But I am right about the computer problems.

I guess?

I realize I may have a problem drawing the line between real animals and game animals. I caught myself thinking about how much pain the pretend goats and cows would be in if I didn't go back to milk them every day and came to the conclusion I need to step away from the Farmville.

Reading about a game on Facetube.
This is good, really.

Someone asked me yesterday if I'd rather date a chain smoker or a Republican and I couldn't decide.

I'm not sure I'd want to date anyone who defines themselves primarily through their political affiliation, but that's just me.
Of course if a bitch is chain smoking she's going to get lung cancer and then I'll have to console her and take her to the doctor and shit, so--

I forgot. I wasn't going to talk politics ever again. Please disregard the last two paragraphs.

I know you're not very good at computer but there is something called a delete button. Just putting it out there.

Selective amnesia and name calling is no way to run a country. Grow up. Accept the facts.

Are you shitting me? That's how every government ever has worked.

I just want to smack everyone who believes the hate and fear mongering and tell them to look past what the beauty contestant is telling them and get the facts. My parents may now be able to afford to buy their prescriptions AND food, clothing, and shelter. Damn Democrats are ruining their life.

Wait-- huh?

If I have to lock replies to this post I will. See if I don't!

Oh look at you! Mrs. BLAH BLAH BLAH SELECTIVE AMNESIA AND NAME CALLING IS BAD followed up with IF I HAVE TO CENSOR YOU I WILL! Brilliant.

Really, I want all this politics stuff to go away. I don't want to hear it.

So shut your fucking face, stupid. You're the only one gabbing about it that I can see.

In other news, I haven't made the time to edit my book and my family keeps buying copies and reading it in all its "dirty word" glory. I have to admit chapter 2 is a little bit... blue.

Uhh-- aren't you supposed to edit first and then publish? I'm pretty sure that's the order of events.

I still haven't found anyone willing to help me. I know where I have problems with it, but it would be nice to know if there are other places that other people have trouble with it.

Well I am very busy writing critiques of such classics as "The Morgesons" (no one has heard of it either, don't worry) but I might be willing to take time out of my very busy schedule of exploiting the RNG for Pokemon to lend a hand. And by "hand" I mean "say mean things about your shitty book".

Speaking of my baby daddy - he asked me out again. I think I'll take out a full page ad in the newspaper stating in big letters "WE'RE DIVORCED FOR A REASON SO GET LOST!!!!" I'm dithering between four exclamation points and five. I want him to realize I'm serious, but I don't want to be ostentatious. Thoughts?

Yeah. Buy one of these.
Everyone knows you mean business now.
Anyone else feel a little uncomfortable that Germany is allowed to develop things called the "machine pistol"?
I know it has been 70-something years but you guys have a history. That's all I'm saying.

Oh mom, you haven't seen a tiny fraction of the dirty words I've used over the years.

How edgy. Number of "dirty words" on her front page? 0. Number of times "fuck" has appeared on my front page (3 entries, not counting when other people say it)? 13.
Who honestly fucking cares, seriously? What, I'm suddenly cool because I say fuck a lot? No, I'm not fucking cool. I look like a fucking moron.
Now there are a lot of posts about national write a book month or whatever the fuck-- I don't get it, honestly. The goal is to write 50,000 words in a month, basically, and I guess I fail to see how counting words means you've written a book. Most good books take more than a month to write, you know--
Further, I'm fairly certain most (good) authors aren't literally handcuffed to a word count. I somehow seriously doubt J.D. Salinger was counting down from 50,000 when he wrote Catcher in the Rye and the second he hit the big 50k he just ended his story midthought.
Well I know the latter part didn't happen, having read it and all.
Which brings me to another good point: people don't know how to write anymore. Catcher in the Rye was short because Salinger knew how to express a thought and roughly how long each point he wanted to express should be. He didn't get all self indulgent and shit.
Oh, and since he died a few (last, even?) month ago, the "best author currently living" position is vacant.
Time to step up, bloggers (har har).
You know that old saying that if you have an infinite number of monkeys writing on an infinite number of typewriters they'll eventually generate Paradise Lost? The entire blogger culture is more like five monkeys with four typewriters and one is infected with the rage virus.
Well anyway, enjoy your Friday, faggots. I have to go write a lesson plan for high school kids.
I think Dante's Inferno is appropriate high school reading.