BOREDOM

Welcome to day 1 of a 7 day EXTR-R-R-R-R-R-RAVAGANZA I'm calling "the Seven Deadly Sins of Livejournal'. Christmas is one of the two holidays that gave us the Seven Deadly Sins and even though I'm not Christian I need no excuse to be down on people so I find these seven little things you should not be very useful.
But we're not here to talk about that. I've instead decided to devise my own list of sins you twats commit daily in addition to the other shit you shouldn't be doing. Fuck yeah, piling on.
Besides if we go by the Greek orthodox list of sinnery (word I just made up) I'm guilty of one: acedia, or "not giving a fuck".
Anyway, boredom.
You may remember this blog originally from this entry as indeed all of these posts will be the year in review, how exciting.
I left this bint with the following sagely advice:

This one seems to have that whole literacy thing down. Now she has to focus on not being boring.
Such work, this writing.

Let's see if she managed.

If there is one thing i have learned outside of the classroom, essays, and projects during these past 2 weeks it is that finals weeks is the worst time to rekindle a relationship.

Oh yeah.

I've been really good about not thinking of Madden, but the fact is that I still want him back.

This is already getting a mighty "who gives a fuck?" from me so I'm guessing she has not managed to be less boring. The important thing, Josie, is not that you committed the sin it's repenting (turning away from).

He has said that we're still friends, but I wonder if we'll ever hang out again. If we do, I'm afraid to ask him if he could see me as more than a friend.

This is such great speculation on the author's part. HE SAID WE'RE FRIENDS SO I WONDER IF THAT MEANS WE'RE MORE THAN FRIENDS?

i have a feeling ginger tom won't be inviting me out to celebrate his birthday this friday. i think i need to just stop communicating with that boy.

But I thought you had a thing for Madden (not the video game)?
Man I could go for a double header: what the Catholics think of you what I think of you. Lust and boredom in the same breath.
Quite a piece of work, ye worker of iniquity.

on a higher note, i just learned that we are still allowed to have overnite guests until december 21st! :D

HARLOT.

Tomorrow is the induction ceremony for Comm. Arts honors society at 6pm and refrshments are afterwards at 7pm. my parents are coming! I hate that this and the opening night of the one-acts are on my mom's birthday.

Oh. Remember when I said "she seems to have this whole literacy thing down"? Welcome. Welcome to my mistake.

Anyway, today this attractive friend added me on the FB. Naturally, I checked out his profile after adding him. Under religious views: I love Jesus. Some people might think that's a joke, but after reading that he's going to a Catholic (or Chrisitan...what's the difference?)

Not all Christians are Catholic but all Catholics are Christian?
LOGIC.

so i've talking to this really great guy lately, except i don't want him to be MY really great guy as in a boyfriend. i know that i'm a flirt, but this time i did not initiate "this," whatever it is. we're friends, and he's amazing, but i don't want to be more than friends no matter how many times he compliments me.

Bro got friend zoned. Also glad to see the "semi-literate" theme is carrying out. So instead of repenting we've actually taken a step back in "Josie Is..." (great blog name, incidentally).

he asked me "if i weren't me, but still ur friend, how would you act around me?" or something to that effect. Um, first off, he is jon. Secondly, that made me feel kind of shitty. i get it! i know myself; I'm a flirt. But you did this first!

Someone care to diagram these sentences?

tonite, i want to get wild,

even though i halfway did that last night by drinking too much brandy in my sangria and therefore forgetting/not paying attention to half of what the guy i am talking to said when he brought me safely back to my dorm. yes, LJ users, I am talking to a guy. i'll leave it at that because as of this morning, it's complicated.

My "guys she's fucked" tally is already up to 4 or 5 (depending on whether or not this tool is a new one or no). I should have just entitled this post "lust" and said "fuck my own list".

i want brandon,
suitemate to my fellow 3rd floor RA, Mike.

BRANDON. Hold on, getting a scorecard.
So we've got Brandon, Madden--
Tom?

I'm posting this from the office because I left my journal in my room, but don't want to forget what I have to write.
I've been having very surreal dreams lately (what dreams aren't surreal, right?). Last night, I dreamt that I was being super close and touchy with Michael in a fun way.

Cool font. So now we have Michael. Michael, Madden, Brandon and Tom.

So I really hate holding grudges unless I truly think you deserve it which is why I vow never to talk to Dave again.

Yeah Dave, fuck you. Humph.
Is my list expanding?
Who gives a shit?
Ugh, let me tell you why this is pointless to even keep track of. Who gives a fuck about Dave or Tom or Madden or Brandon or PROFESSOR AND MARY-ANN HERE ON GIIIIILLIGAAAAAN'S ISSSSSSSSSLE! if she's just going to passively talk about bad shit that happened to her? For a "student of film" (presumably she wants to be a director or script writer, I dunno) she sure has a big problem with showing instead of telling.
Why do you feel the way you do? Who are these people? No one cares unless you explain. As I'm sitting here reading this I get the vague impression you're upset or elated or whatever emotion rollercoaster you're on currently, but from what I can literally read the only thing I'm left saying is "do you feel or think anything at all?"

It's becoming a sort of habit (or ritual) that whenever his name is mentioned it must be followed by "Fuck Dave Tendler." This reminds me of "This Lullaby" by Sarah Dessen when Dexter's band would always say "Hate Spinnerbait" whenever the band was mentioned.

And then there's this. What the hell's this shit? Who the flying fuck is Sarah Dessen or Dexter's band? What the fuck is a Spinnerbait? What the fuck am I reading? Your explanations just warrant further explanations. Are you so hipster and cool that my mainstream consumer brain can't handle the sheer obscure references per second to read your otherwise untarnished blog?

I don't mean to sound selfish or conceited, but if my relations with anyone ever falter it's usually because the other party lacks communication with me.

Which explains why you're often saying you're going to stop speaking to someone. I get the impression you still think "the silent treatment" is a viable solution to a disagreement despite being in your 20s.
Goddamn I had almost totally forgotten about this blog (because it was 10 months ago) but reading it now, just as then, brings my piss to a boil. How can you write this much and say absolutely fuck all?

Why do I bring all this up? Like I said in an earlier entry, Kyle (check entries from last spring if you don't know him) is living in Linden.

Jesus Christ who has time to catalog every cock you've sucked? Just say what you mean and be done with it. Tired of decoding fucking Livejournal and tracing through the history of idiots like I'm solving the Enigma Code or some shit.

I went to grab some lunch at the PayCafe not too long ago and low and behold there he was sitting alone eating lunch with his earbuds in. I wanted to go over and say something to him, to be nice to him, but I couldn't get myself to do it when he tried to avoid eye contact. I don't want it to be this way. I'm not crazy about being his friend, but I want him to know that I don't hate him.

Maybe you could do with a little hate. Put some perspective on your otherwise meandering and nonsensical life and point of view.

I don't know if that makes the most sense, but I know what I mean.

WHY EXPLAIN IT NOW?
Goddamn I'm angry.

With all that said, I think that I may be crushin' on my fellow 3rd floor RA. No bueno. He's only 19 and I made myself a new rule: no hook-ups this year, especially with anyone younger than 21.

Year's almost over and I'm over 21 so THINGS ARE LOOKIN' UP FOR ME!
Oh, me. Fuck it, I'm tired of this already. I keep looking at the clock and thinking "I just have to put up with it for about another hour" and I've been saying that for about five hours now.
Josie: die shittingly.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell

I think I'm in for some shit today. This is just as well, because tomorrow officially begins the summer semester, and I have to answer such pressing questions as "what is literacy?" and "can watching TV count as being literate?" (read: no). So for a glorious one month my brain wasn't full of fuck. Back at it, I suppose.
One look at the title confirms a few things: "Just_a_girl86" is absolutely a cunt, but at least, for once, gender isn't an issue. At least, it probably isn't. Oh God, what if this is actually a guy pretending to be a girl?
Fuck me.

When is appology acceptable or needed.

Apology. Also question marks.

Do you need to appologize when it's your fault?

Lessons I learned when I was six, hello.

well yes of course. Should you appologize when it's both of your fault. Yes both of you should.

Thank you life guru.

But should you appologize if it's not your fault. I don't think so,

Never apologize for anything. Apologies imply you did something wrong.

but I do. I do for the love of my boyfriend. When He does something that isn't right to me I get mad and then he gets mad. He should be the one to appologize but guess what, I end up appologizing. Because I love him so much.

Herp durp durrr

Worrying sucks. I always worry way to much. I worry about everything. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING!

"High school students entering the 9th grade are encouraged to create complex, interesting sentences."
Ho-hum.

I worry about my boyfriend and everything about him and us. I will literally worry my self sick. I don't know why I do though. It's stupid.

You, doing something stupid? Surely you jest!

I know nothing is wrong or is going to be wrong. But I worry anyway. I worry about my friends dying. They are young! I don't know why I worry.

Fear is the mind-killer.

I believe it has something to do with hormones and memories.

Hey, hey how do you make a hormone?

I believe everything is based off perspective. I believe the way people see love and life is acording to thier perspective.

Oh wow.
No shit. I thought everyone had the same perspective as me.

So i'm going to start off by saying yes I am young. But I dont understand why age has a limit on love. Everyone always says, "Your to young to know what love is." But honestly when is the right age to love?

You don't know shit about shit. Shut the fuck up you middle school asshole.

Moving on to my boyfriend and I. I have been with him for almost 2 months now. I know not long but it seems like forever.

Seems like forever when you're 12, maybe.
Although I don't know what I mean by that because FFXIV's release date was announced only a week ago and already it feels like a fucking eternity.
ONLY THREE MONTHS WOOOOOO~

But lately we have been fighting alot. He says im clingy, I say he makes me mad, he says im annoying. We fight over little things. But it is very annoying.

Hmm. I believe both of them.
Oh Christ, I just had a thought. "just_a_girl86". Of course. 86 implies she was born in 1986, doesn't it? This bint is older than me.
No. Nope, refuse to acknowledge this as a reality.
And it looks like I'm all the way up to her very first post. This didn't take very long. Did I mention how much I fucking hate Livejournal's new format?
I don't really know what I mean by "new format" because it's the exact same shit minus a couple of important details. Oh well, hopefully by Wednesday's post I will have this fully resolved.
Or I'll quit forever.
No really.
Maybe.

The Crusade of Stupid Continues

I found a way to get random journals from Livejournal-- the problem is you cannot limit your searches by any means. At least all of these blogs seem to have updated this very day, but the other problem is it takes me about 15 tries to just get one in English.
All the while the 99 cent clip art pinwheel is spinning happily in the corner. I bet I could order 150000000 of them by the time I found a single blog to review. Fuck you, Livejournal.
Oh look, I found a way to filter by journal but it only filters for my journal entries (of which there are none).
What the fuck?
So after much fussing I finally found something.
I had to want it, man.

Unloved, unloved, you brutish son
So make me tall and brave and strong
Your cruel grin and your boots of violence
It is not of these that I do love.

... Why did I pick this blog again? I mean this is bad, but-- what has become of my life?

It is your tongue, your tongue, your tongue
How I shall steal it away and keep it in a jar
To fill me with mad delights, the passion of crime
Wild-eyed boy sans civil tongue.

What

Eyes may roll but ne'er may they shut
Poor brutish son, rather driven mad
To wash you clean and pure and young
All but your tongue, little son.

I think I need a moment.
Okay I've rallied.

It is here in these empty canals that the spirits dwell,
the wind a strange bedfellow.

Does the wind blow in a canal? Maybe in these canals it does.

The tired glass and pretty coins in windows
wait in a lonely, solemn peace.

Coins in windows-- what?

Red, green, golden hues on land that once held birth.

Why am I reviewing this, again?
I only have one complaint about this blog (and it is a big one): THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.
This is absolutely incoherent to me. I might as well be reviewing one of the thousands of Russian blogs I stumbled on before this.

It rained all through the departure. The people on the dock fussed with umbrellas and coats, for they did not want to say goodbye, really.

The dock, eh?

It seems people often become strangers when saying goodbye.

Were they watching the ships roll in?

Some came just to see the magnificent ships, and they were truly a breathtaking sight to behold. They were very beautiful, albeit a touch cold.

I left my home in Georgia, headed for the 'Frisco Bay
'cause I've had nothing to live for,
and looks like nothing's gonna come my way

The voyagers were to go to a new world, a strange and fantastic place which the people knew nothing about.

To the East, to Morrowind.
Fear not, for I am watchful.
No, no wrong thing. Again.

The rain was forgotten as all watched the ships rise steadily into the air. Higher and higher they rose, until even the sharpest of eyes could no longer discern the ships.

Oh they're space travelers.
Uhh-- I know where I'd like to send whoever wrote this: Armageddon.
What happens there?
Nothing big, just an ALIEN INVASION.

They had all heard the tales of the departure, but the brilliant light that bathed the launch dock as the ship doors opened went far beyond their most exotic dreams. It was in this light that the voyagers took their first breath of the quiet air, walking from their coruscating ships onto the landing dock like a realized future.

Took their first breaths of quiet air, like a tortured metaphor. Oh fuck me it's poetry time again.

sweet dreams, dream train
train of thought.

Suddenly I'm reminded of both the Eurythmics and Ozzy Osbourne.

From Dr. Polidori's Lord Ruthven to Stephenie Meyer's Edward Cullen, the annals of vampire lore are filled with attractive, charming bloodsuckers. Which one would you most want to be bitten by?

NONE, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
Vampires are supposed to be monsters. You destroy monsters, you do not feel sympathy for them.

I answer this only because I have been reading Anne Rice for the past month or so. The Vampire Lestat sits beside me as I type this.

Anne Rice is to blame for all this. Remember when vampires were fuck awesome and not whiny pussies?
Yeah I miss that.

Before proceeding to the main attraction, the people were requested to remove their shoes and watches.
They were to be placed in safety boxes until a later time.

No I'm keeping my shoes. Fuck you.

While the people were busy watching, the machines were busy outfitting each individual with his or her very own action suit.

Action suit.

The suits, like the television programs, were much the same.

Does this mean the suits are like the ones seen on TV (still not sure what an action suit is?) or does this mean the action suits are like the television programs, and that is all the same?
Participles are crafty, they are.

At the end of the tour, a small serial number was painlessly and neatly printed at the napes of their necks.

So I'm a Space Marine now.
Oh forget it. I am so pissed at Livejournal now. The one amusing feature they completely removed. It's like they're trying to find a way to turn douchebaggery into a weapon. They're coming dangerously close at any rate.

Oh Shit

Right, this. Completely forgot about this until just now. But that's okay, I'll be sure to wind the post time back until it was Monday so I didn't officially miss a day. Anyway here we have some shit.Sorry wait, no: that's a link to Livejournal. I meant this shit specifically.

You know. I really should be banned from my own mind sometimes. And sometimes like today.

Oh look. It's this shit again.

I am so brutally honest with myself, I'm sure there are people who would say I am doubting myself, or wallowing in self-pity or even just being too hard on myself.

Hard on.

I've had a friendship for a number of years. It's been flirty, it's been easy, it's been fun.... and it's been very one sided.

I really care about whatever the fuck it is I'm reading.

Today I realized I'm the greatest friend ever in some ways.

Today I realized I'm the most modest person ever.

I know, for most of my friends I'm just the go to girl...

You know it's a shame all bloggers' egos don't let them form groups because there are a lot of kindred spirits literally a click away. How many fucking times have I read this in my lifetime?
However many times it's two too many.

this whole journal is filled with the angst and anger and bitterness that they bring to my life and the fact that I never come away feeling loved I always come away feeling like a miserable failure where they are concerned, not so much with this other friend.

Oh boy the second time in two updates I wish I had read something before I started writing.

Okay. So, the sense of deja vu is too strong, and the feeling of anger is intense and the WTF factor is astronomical. So what? Fuck that, that's what.

Holy shit, what?

I can't talk to my girlfriend... why?

Oh, for the record: I'm pretty sure this is a woman updating. Just in case there's some confusion at the gender here.

I think I've become confused again.

I feel like reverting to Mr. Miyagi advice but I'm not even sure if his wisdom was deep enough to fix this mess.

Or maybe I just wanted someone for a minute who wanted me. It's so unusual to find someone,

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE LOVED BY ANYONE
IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO HAVE FUN WITH ANYONE
Holy shit I think this blog just turned me gay. Tom Jones lyrics right here on Edie Finds a Corpse.

whom you can see it on their face, hear it in their voice, and know in your heart and soul mean it when they tell you, you are beautiful, sexy, smart, and irresistible.

Try a little harder
Something's wrong, you're not naive you must be stronger
ooooh baby, try
hey girl
move a little closer
you're too shy too shy, hush hush eye to eye

I don't know what brought that on but it's a pleasant chance of pace from "WAAAAH ME".
Strange, flirty, online sexy with a single person, mouthy, evil plotting, teasingly angry, and dominant?

Online sexy. I cannot think of a more pathetic choice of words than that.

I am just stupid. Okay, off to bed for me so I can get up and have coffee with one of my girls

You have kids?
No, no.
Nope, not buying it.
She must mean it like "one of my GRRRRRRRLS."

So. Not only do I have a spanking partner.... I have a girlfriend.

What.

she wants to be broken and made to cry so she can get it all out, she's sooooOOOOOOOoooo completely opposite of me... it's weird :-)

it's not that i'm not real.... I am.

What. Oh, I get it. This entire blog is the product of some sort of weird random number generator and a list of words. That makes a lot of sense, actually.

You can't be this screwed up in the noggin and not be real.

I gotta piss, excuse me for a minute.

Why am I this screwed up? I keep asking myself how I am managing to make myself worse instead of better. And I don't know.

I also got a snack.

I guess it would help, if I managed to just be at peace with who I am. What I am, and how others see me. I think that's the hard part.

Oh Christ is she still on about this?
What proceeds is quite literally a list of character traits and I'm sorry I seem to be having a lot of trouble with this because my eyes involuntarily cross and I forget to breathe every time I look at it.

I've discovered I'm unhinged, irrational, unstable, and wholly more emotional about things right now.

And other words Webster's Thesaurus tells me.

Even when I realize I'm being a hypocrite, foolish, and stupid, I still manage to understand I'm being all of those things, while still being hurt and jealous.

:3

Ok. I know that I've been weird, hard, harsh, mean, cold and foolish before..... but when have I ever been forgiving?

NO MERCY FOR THE MISGUIDED seriously this blog is 90% lists of character traits.

I'm so done. Done with public posting.

You are a filthy, filthy liar and I hate you for it. If that were true you fucking stupid cow I wouldn't have to read any more of your inane thoughts or list of adjectives that do/you wish did apply to you after October 31st, 1999.
Yeah and I see you're listening to Duran Duran currently well know what? Fuck you. Doesn't cut it. Had this been entry number one I would have been willing to back out now but no, we're in too deep now.

Fuck it. It's all just bullshit anyways right?

Oh my fucking Christ I wish I could hate you to death.
I know it's been all fun and games before with "lol kill yourself" and "I hope you get trapped in a burning elevator" but I mean it this time. I hope you press that button to go down from the 17th floor in an 18 story office building only to walk into an open shaft.
Fuck you.

I'm sad, I'm depressed, I'm angry, I'm frustrated, I'm .... I'm being horribly selfish in the fact that I don't want to do this anymore.

Nope fuck it I'm done.