HARUBBUGGLBUG

Fuck blogs today I'm posting about this strange land.
Oh yeah real blog post from Edie Finds a Corpse look at me being a huge fucking hypocrite.
So South Korea is a strange and arcane land as I said. While your opinion of South Korea might vary from land of hot pop stars to land of about-to-be-nuked-by-North-Korea the reality is this is actually the land of anarchy.
The second you get two wheels laws cease applying to you. I have seen motorcyclists make an illegal left turn to cut across the opposite lane of traffic to run up on the sidewalk and almost hit people.
All this to avoid one red light. And by "avoid" I mean "run without getting killed".
I recommend finding the biggest group of middle age women and always walking with them.
If they go a different direction well that's too bad.
If you were headed to work well I guess today's a sick day for you. You need to stay alive and the biggest threat to you not being dead in South Korea is traffic.
Middle age women have the uncanny ability to not get hit by cars and also obstruct traffic.
They are the screen between you and red concrete, basically.
So if you want a job in South Korea a lot of people will tell you a lot of shit like oh
make sure the hours are good
make sure your apartment has a working toilet
make sure you get paid on time
no fuck that. All that was so 1990s. The first thing you gotta ask is hey is it in a building where a lot of middle age women go for yoga or a co-op or something
because if the answer is no you don't want to work there because you can't follow a gaggle of them into the building to screen you from the people playing Crazy Taxi irl.
The second thing you might hear is how cheap shit is.
That is true. 1 year of internet was 240 dollars.
Total.
This internet is somewhere in the neighborhood of 20-25 times faster down than American internet and 100-200 times faster up.
It's Google Fiber tier awesome.
If I can blink and the website isn't done loading 100% it's too slow.
I downloaded a 250 GB torrent to see how long it would take.
It took 2 hours.
Oh but it's not true about everything. Prepare to buy a bunch of bananas for 5 dollars.
Also bananas are like gold. In America you're charged per pound and you can tear off how many you want.
If you do that in Korea you get yelled at as I learned. Then they make you buy all of them.
There's a lady hawking the bananas at all times. Don't fuck with her.
You buy the bunch, so get a small bunch.
I mean short bananas.
Second issue: cellphone.
Hope you're sociable because without a Korean friend (and even with a Korean friend) that's like a 50/50 proposition.
I'm struggling to get one now and I have like 2 people helping me.
Third issue: holy fuck the lord is it humid here.
Fourth issue: a 5/10 in Korea is like a 7 or 8 out of 10 in America.
Prepare to be jaded and jaded fast.
A lot of people bitch about plastic surgery or whatever in Korea
and it's true they do get some procedures but whatever they're doing it's working for them.
Fifth issue: prepare to be a minor celebrity.
I live in Changwon which has a large western population.
By large I mean I've heard it's allegedly a few thousand people but I think the reality is closer to 250-300.
They don't see many of you.
I've head people ask to take selfies with me.
No fucking shit.
That was a common practice at a few schools I substituted at because I am that awesome but I didn't expect people on the street to do it.
Also prepare to get pulled into situations where they might want you to drink. If you are a recovering alcoholic don't come here.
You have to get good at drinking, too, because "know your limit" isn't part of the philosophy here. Learn how to nurse that one beer if you want to avoid being drunk 24/7.
Also there are no drinking laws. You can buy soju (read: rice vodka) at 7 AM on a Sunday and drink it in front of a cop in a child's park. No laws.
While I'm on the subject: soju isn't clearly labeled if you can't read Korean (and even if you can read those words) so you kind of have to know it's not water which I almost made that mistake once.
You'd think the price would be an indicator but you can buy a bottle that will get you fucked up for like 1,800 won. That's like 2 dollars.
And you can buy this at 7-11.
Basically what I'm trying to say is at any given night out in public there's a good chance someone will try to pump moonshine into you.
If you're new here and don't want to be drunk basically avoid anything in a glass bottle that isn't clearly coffee.
Sixth issue: don't go to Angel-in-Us Cafe.
If you're stupid like me you see "oh Korean knock off of Starbucks let's do it" if you're smart you'll see "oh, pretentious Starbucks knock off with angels and shit in it" and put the two together and realize a bagel and a regular hot coffee is going to run you about 10 entire dollars.
If you like Starbucks frappuccinos in those glass bottles because you're a white woman like I am come here because they're like a dollar.
Don't go into Starbucks though or prepare for sub-Angel Anus prices but not much better.
If you do like coffee go to the local coffee shop you fucking idiot because they're on literally every street corner. Not only will it be better some hot Asian girl will melt actual fresh chocolate into your coffee if you tell her to and it'll be like 3 bucks.
She will make the hell out of that coffee.
Seventh issue: Bread doesn't fit in toasters
Eighth issue: who the fuck designed this shit here why doesn't bread fit in toasters
Ninth issue: Prepare for no safety code. You can just wander into construction sites and there's no man that can stop you.
Tenth issue: in general no man can stop you. There are no laws.
I'm not entirely sure murder isn't legal here. I think just everyone is too polite to murder but if you wanted to you could.
Eleventh issue: there are no cops. When you see a cop you see 50 of them in like a parade. What are they doing? Getting yelled at by drunk Russians, obviously.
But as I said previously there's no law against public drunkenness so mostly they just stand there.
Also yeah 2 of my classes got cancelled again.
Fucking sweet.
Anyway that's my update today fuck off everyone