What

So I was rereading the comments I got and one of them that I swear didn't have a link now has a link to a Youtube video.
What the fuck is even happening--
Also yeah I reread my comments periodically. There's like 10 of them so it doesn't take very long.
Anyway here's today's blog.
I think we're dealing with some kinda tranny.
Probably.
Isn't that a safe assumption?

So you found a cat on the internet. You're not surprised, not even by the fact that they seem to communicate with you via text verses silly faces and jumping in and out of boxes.

You're curious and want to know more, or at least bored enough to keep reading.

This is what you need to know:
- This cat is trapped in the wrong body. Human fingers and toes never sat well with it, they make it twitch and long for claws and a tail and ears that perk up at the smallest sound.

Or maybe a furry?
For some reason I interpreted this as a metaphor.
That's a dangerous thing to assume with all the weird shit on the internet. Like why, necessarily, does it have to be a tranny and not someone who honestly believes they're a cat?
Why does one seem saner than the other?

- The cat is not male or female, it is both and neither and prefers they/them/their pronouns. It pronouns also work assuming it knows you and trusts you are not doing it offensively.

Oh.
Should have kept reading.
I got into an argument with a person of unique gender description recently.
Apparently I should bend to their wishes even though I refuse to use "they" to refer to a single person outside of a royal context because it's mean if I don't play exactly how they want me to.
I don't think the real world works like that.
You know I want to be referred to only as Lord because I am, in fact, a Space Marine but unfortunately that's not the actual case in reality.

- The cat has a strange belief system cobbled together from life experience and what it's gathered in books. It will not shove it's beliefs on you if you don't shove yours on it.

In before shit about elves in a parallel dimension that you can visit if you have brain damage.
Remember that blog?

Me neither.

- The cat is polyamorous, demisexual and kinky. These topics may come up at some point but any sexual talk will be warned for.

Demisexual.
That's a new one on me.
That's a new one on me and I frequently substitute for schools designed for special snowflakes.

 A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. 

Or "hopeless romantic" as we say.
Also that rings a bell now that I've read it.

- The cat is mentally ill. It's just a part of who it is. It has bad days just like everyone else and it tires to not express them too often but this is it's space and it does what it likes.

Yeah no kidding.
Hey here's a picture.

Writing slumps suck. I've been having trouble braining for any sort of word type things since like...Wednesday. It is problematic. 

Ever have a tumblr social justice warrior tell you something you said is "problematic"?
Nothing evokes a primal 'kill' instinct from me faster.
 I feel like that's a cheap way to get me to default lose in a debate.
You lose a debate when you call someone a name.
How does that make any sense?
If you act like a twat
I'm going to call you a twat.
I mean I guess "fuck you the noises coming out of the stupid face in front of you fucking head are problematic" might be a grounds for a ban from a chat group
I GUESS
One question I get when I say I'm moving to South Korea is "aren't you afraid you won't fit in?" to which I respond "I've made two friends after living in North Carolina for almost 8 years. I don't think If it in very well here either."

I am tired and twitchy and feel horribly disconnected from everything. I don't even know why I just don't feel like I am braining right. I want to sleep but I can't manage to do so and just....nrrrrg.

"tired, twitchy and disconnected" sounds like a typical Wednesday substituting at any of the 5/10 schools I go to.

 So, I was up for a good long while today. From seven PM until now (about 3:30 AM) and that was...not what I was planning to do but I can't really sleep anymore, even after I've taken drugs. it's a problem.

Everything is a problem or problematic for you.
Maybe there are no problems. Maybe it's all in your stupid head.

So, I was up for a good long while today. From seven PM until now (about 3:30 AM) and that was...not what I was planning to do but I can't really sleep anymore, even after I've taken drugs. it's a problem.

You know Zeus says you shouldn't pray for solutions to your problems. You should only pray that you should be equal to the problems in your life.
Worth thinking about.
You know to me that says Zeus is more legit than Jesus. Jesus is supposedly all powerful, all wise and benevolent yet he doesn't fix really grievous problems in peoples' lives because he "works in mysterious ways".
Zeus might not be all powerful (allegedly) but he is powerful enough to basically do what he pleases.
But that doesn't mean he has to please you, idiot.
Got a problem?
Figure it the fuck out, Jesus.
Yeah he might be the god of the gods and the elemental god of thunder and lightning but he has nothing better to do than fix your headache.

You know when you have something stuck in your head and you can't get it out? Words echoing through your skull and they refuse to get out? Yeah, that's what this is.

Also known as, the cat committed poetry again.


The gods said "Give us an anthem."
And all I could do in reply is laugh.
"I only have one language." I said.
"Twenty six letters and some syllables."

But they smile at me
Not with faces but the bending of the world
And they say, with the sound of birds,
"Give us your letters, your stresses, your tenses.
And we will love them no matter what you'e done."

I smile, not with the world but the turning of my lips.
And put a pen to paper and see what happens.

I give them twenty six letters and some syllables.

And all the while, I hear the birds sing.

Then there's this garbage.
Once again I have to take the Roman view of this. If there are gods then their attention is toward far greater things than us and if they turn to a human it is only the especially great and even then it is only the merest fraction of their attention and only then for a few seconds, relatively speaking.
And assuming all that who even knows if their attention is something you want to invite.
Do you know how many people end up turned to dust or animals in mythology?
Like you better seriously know what's up if that's what you're courting.
Or, you know, it could be like Julian or Pythagoras says. Maybe the gods aren't even conscious as we conventionally understand it.
You know that's kind of the beauty of what we call cognitive dissonance. You can hold two contradictory views at once and understand they're contradictory.

Feel like I am falling, feel like I''m cracked and broken and sick and stupid and gross and wrong.
So, I am entertaining the thought of acquiring a Wordpress.  

It's free. Just sign up for it.

- You can say whatever you'd like here but I do ask that, if its something trigeery, you warn in the subject line. 

Hey can I get a trigger warning for trigger warnings?
They really make me irrationally angry.
Like how fucking thin skinned are you that you need warned that something might bother you?
No one gives me a fucking trigger warning when I turn the radio on and Lorde is on for the millionth time that day.
I'd like one, too, but I don't get one.
Like why can't Ryan Seacrest say "hey we're about to play Lorde so change the channel if you don't want to taste blood" before he starts playing it?
Your radio show is already shit, Seacrest. You can only improve it by doing that.
His entire show is just masturbation at how famous he is and how he can't even believe it and then Lorde records.
In fact, can I get a trigger warning for On Air with Ryan Seacrest, please?

So, I've put a lot of thought into this, talking to people, fussing over it in my head, all that jazz.

I'm no longer going by Charley.

It's a name that has served me well over the years. One that I've grown very fond of. However, I find that, while I still am attached to it, things aren't the same way they used to be when I first picked out the name.

I'm a different person now, with different tastes, views and experiences I have learned more about myself and grown over.

Names, to me, are like clothes. You might have worn something perfectly for a long time and it was wonderful but you eventually outgrow it. That's what happened with Charley, I outgrew it. I found that it didn't fit right anymore.

So, what's the new name?

Mallory. Or Mal. The full name is Mallory Bowen Tam

Real life is a lot like a foreign language class where you pick a name to better get into the mindset of that culture.
In German I was Heinrich after Heinrich Himmler because I was in high school and we all thought giving ourselves Nazi names was funny.

 So, I am taking a writing course, right? I needed a plot and Mor and I were sitting here batting around ideas.

The one I a going with? Is basically The Life And Times Of A Shared Headspace.

Your mind isn't a space. It's not a physical location.
It's a series of bioelectrical impulses your brain arranges into your senses.
Have you considered this is part of your problem?
None of the shit in your head is there objectively. It's all what you make up.
Whatever 'you' even is.
Basically what I'm trying to say is everything you see, think or do could be part of your or someone else's imagination and there's absolutely no way for you to ever discern the truth.
So the sooner you accept the crushing hopelessness of your situation the better.
That's therapeutic to hear, I think.
Fuck