THE OMEN

The Omen is one of my favorite movies of all time. I think, in the discourse of the movie, everyone can learn what an omen is, and more importantly, what an omen definitely is not.

A double hamburger with 9 pieces of bacon, no fries, is NOT the same as a double quarter pounder with no cheese, extra bacon, and a medium fry... especially when your superior brings them side by side for comparison.

So you went to McDonald's, ordered a ridiculously specific sandwich (seriously, a specified amount of bacon? Can you be more OCD?) and then complained to the manager when you didn't get eight (UND PRECISELY EIGHT!) pieces of bacon? Now you can't eat there anymore because "Mr. Clerk" whom you've known "for three years" (close, first name-based relationship) will spit in your food because you deserve it.

Ageis J. Hyena, signing off, over and out.

Ageis J. Hyena. Really. I have to assume by uh-gee-is you mean "aegis" which is something entirely different than what you spelled. Aegis was a breastplate associated with Zeus or Athena and later came to mean a sponsorship. Ageis is... You made that the fuck up.

So yeah. I have asthma, and my medication ran out. My normal "supplier" has left the country, literally.

Ha, ha shit sucks.

My father won't help me, he thinks asthma doesn't exist.

According to all my medical books it sure doesn't. What does exist, however, is DEMONIC POSSESSION. You're against God is the problem.
Ha, ha I fucking love the internet. She had a stupid poll that two people took and split the answers 50/50. Awesome. WHICH ISP SHOULD I USE? Use this one. No use the other. All she needed was a third "use neither of those shitty ISPs" and I would have voted for it, completing the dickery that is the internet.

Well shit, my brother is planning something and says I'll make trouble if I knew what it was.

Shit, destroyed.

Well shit. I donate $115 to pawpet, then I call a furry radio show to do a reading and talk for 15 minutes or so.

Pawpet. Also I like how you say you literally can't afford asthma medication and you're arguing with clerks at McDonald's about the price of a hamburger but still somehow find 115 dollars to donate to Pawpet. This reminds me of that one girl who was complaining about affording rent but managed to donate 8% of her paycheck to her church. This makes even less sense because you didn't have the threat of eternal damnation hanging over your stupid head.

for those of you under a rock, and I don't have the link handy, a couple in the UK is divorcing because one got caught with another person as an affair... in Second Life.

Yes, not following news in Second Life is really living under a rock.

So I recently did a reading for one of my repeat customers. It was a rather good one...

A what?

Nate, the roomie who is finally on his way out, let slip that my brother popped the question to his girlfriend. And apparently she accepted. Roughly 3 weeks ago.

I don't think Nate meant to let that slip, but he did.

Why do I have an overwhelming urge of dread over this?

I know your kind. You would have gotten an overwhelming sense of dread if he hadn't asked, had but she rejected him, etc. You just wanted to seem all cryptic and psychic then. Fuck you.

Though I did update my tarot site's profiles. They are reviewing profiles under new rules starting monday, and I tried my best to write them to go according with the new rules.

Maybe you have a different understanding of Tarot than I do, but I don't think there are "new rules". Unless you're playing a card game with them (which is their intended purpose) even then that's like saying "new rules for poker".

Had I of known. If only I had known. x.x The people down there are making fortunes as well as reading them.

If only I had've known. Also that's really archaic. "If only I had known" works just as well in 2008.
But forgive me I don't read fortunes like you, so please don't smite me with your furry precognition powers.

Ah well. I'ma websmurf a bit, then go back down and mingle s'more with a railroading lion, a cheetah-lioness, a kirin, and a tiger.

Lions and cheetahs can't reproduce, I don't think. A kirin, to you non-faggots, is either a chimerical mythical creature in Eastern Asian mythos, or a giraffe. You'd probably be better off saying "a HUGE WEEABOO FAGGOT" because that's the subtext.

Ok. Time to take a shower, finish quick-packing my tarot cards and my laptop full of fail, grab my tickets, my anti-asthma medicine, and walk the two miles to the train station.

Laptop full of furry porn more like. Don't lie, swami.

For one, every claim now needs to be verified. How the hell can I verify that I have 14 or so years as a tarot reader besides my own brain? Some fancy schmancy diploma? How does one measure an 85% accuracy rate?

If you only have an 85% with Tarot you're doing something way wrong. It should be 99% at minimum. It's so goddamn vague it can't help but be true. Ever wonder why the symbols are so generalized and vague as to relate to the human condition regardless of the human?

I'm bringing Emerald (my laptop) but I'm going to see if I can't do a format c: from DOS on that thing first.

You named your laptop and call it by its first name. Great. Also you could do a full format from boot by getting your operating system disc and sticking the bitch in there and following the onscreen instructions BUT THIS IS FURRIES WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. MUST DO EVERYTHING DIFFERENT.

Ok, this is getting really out of hand. I simply don't sleep these days. At best I can get in a 3 hour nap, but barely, and it doesn't do anything for me. Either I close my eyes and my mind won't STFU, I can't even close my eyes, or I simply can't relax enough to get to sleep.

Maybe you're finally turning into a cheetah or whatever the fuck!

And now it's having a big effect on me. I can barely do readings at the moment, AND I completely forgot all contact information for the job interview I have tomorrow.

It goes without saying that "readings" are basically idiot proof and for you to fuck it up this hard really says something about you.

It's 100% psychological. I'm sure of it. I wonder what my subconscious is so afraid of that it won't let me sleep so I can solidify my memories and get my thoughts straight.

I know what my subconscious would be afraid of. "Holy shit I'm a furry who reads Tarot for a living what the shit am I doing with my life?" It'd be one thing if you were Miss Cleo and turned this into a swindling empire but apparently you really suck at it.

I don't want to have to drop another 20 on a haircut. But. My hair is down past my shoulders now and if I had breasts and minus a mustache I would definately look like a girl (not like I wouldn't mind, being gender dysphoric and all...)

It's little wonder no place on Earth wants to hire you. Furry, Tarot card reader, "gender dysphoric" (future tranny).

Payment received from the tarot site via paypal, transfer request to my bank account in progress. I give them until Monday of next week.

I was expecting 1200, got 1100.

Shit maybe I should try my hand at this. It'd be easy money.

Can anyone tell me what "IRQL_IS_LESS_THAN_0" means?

Bad RAM. Get a new laptop.

I just had a BAD crash. Bluescreened after logging off Second Life.

Hurr durr.

Guess who started a game of Spore and who went halfway through the game before forgetting to save through the entire last level he played?

Casual fag.
That's it. I can't take any more of this bullshit. This guy's entire life reads like a parody written about furries.

Son of a Fuck

Guessing by the spastic screeching that wouldn't fucking stop today in one of my classes, the Twilight movie came out. Of course, welcome to Livejournal.

So Daddy and I went to go see Twilight today, and I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't an Epic Fail!

This is, of course, subjective, because after watching the preview on Youtube with one of my friends (who, like me, is an asshole) and we couldn't think of anything to say. For the entire four minutes it was dead silence.

I was worried about the medow scene, (which kind of disapointed me, how little we saw of the medow) and Edwards sparkiling.

Holy. Shit.

I've got my Teaching Fellows interview tomarrow, and my Senior Exit in mid november.

T-- Teaching Fello--
Senior Exit--
What is happening here?

on the plus side i got my SAT scores back, I got a 1730! yay! App State's average for freshman last year was a 1130, so i figure i'm good to go! Yay App!

I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything because I guarantee I would have spit it all over my monitor. 1730? Seriously? I don't really know what the new cap is because I took my SATs back when the cap was 1600. It better be out of a million or something.

On another, ironic note, they showed an HP trailer at twilight. (if irony could kill...)

That isn't ironic. That isn't even a coincidence. I'm not even really sure what your point is.

My Dad works at Wachovia, the bank that may be bought out by Citi.

Welp.

It's like there's this huge wieght on my heart, and I've been having trouble sleeping lately.

Don't you worry your stupid head one bit. Nice spelling on "weight" incidentally. Miss that day of first grade?

It's not helping that everyone in my dad's side of the family is calling paniced when the hear the news.

I read that "pan-ised"

I just ask for a lot of prayers. It feels like my family, friends and faith are the only solid things in my life anymore.
So please pray for my dad's job, my family's sanity, and for me, we all realy need it...

I like the title of this entry, too: "I'm scared... is anyone else?"
Baby, I'm always afraid. Wisdom is the beginning of fear.

Recently Stephanie Meyer has been under a lot of critacism from people that hated BD.

Critacism
Critacism
Critacism
ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

I was talking with my mom last night, about my AP classes, and my dad was like "you're taking AP English too?

I, in my high school years, foolishly took AP thinking I could escape people like you.
I've since learned that you are, to use a word you'll never know the meaning of, ubiquitous.
Ha, ha, ha, ha want to see her senior pictures?
Behold!

I loved the first bit about the wedding and Jacob showing back up and then the honeymoon (even though Edward is a dumb ass).

Now that is ironic. You calling anyone a dumbass is hilarious.

all in all i loved the book more than i hated it.

I have to be honest, even people who claim to love (like this woman) Twilight, this is about all the good they can muster up for it. Maybe they've only read one book?
Yeah, that'd explain a lot, in fact.

that night we went to Applebe's for diner, and they had them come and clap and sing to me. i got an icecream and a ballon!

Applebe's for diner. Where you got an ice cream (just the one) and a ballon, whatever that is.
Eating at Applebee's really explains the senior photos, though. This is making more sense the more I read.

It's amazing how quickly you're mood can change.

It is amazing how quickly you are mood can change. Usually I don't see people fuck up grammar backwards like this.

I'm tired from all the walking though. my feet arn't used to it!

Heh yeah I'll bet.

and i need a boyfriend...

You know what would make that ea-- no, no fat jokes. Too easy.

I really did. On wensday he seemed so... happy.
He was so un-Nick on wensday,

Wednesday has a 'd' in it. We get the word from the Norse god Odin (Wodin). See how that works? Somehow the 'o' turned into an 'e'. Probably the British with their odd notions of spelling.

the jeans i wore yesterday were my motivation jeans!
if you've ever been on a diet you know what i mean.

I haven't had the need to diet. Ever. So why don't you tell me?

and you hang them on your closet door to motivate you to lose the whiegt to fit into them.
and yeasterday i got up the nerve to try them on again, and this time they fit!
you have no clue how much my self-esteme was boosted yeasterday. it was great!

Easy.
Also I think I can explain why she spells "yesterday" "yeasterday" her annoying accent, in actual speech, is closer to "yeasterdee" than yesterday in pronounciation, so hence the blending of the two.
Really I should be thanking her she met me halfway.

"Mortals! They are always blaming the gods for their troubles, when their own witlessness causes them more trouble than they were destined for." The Odyssey

This is in reference to "What words do you find wise enough to live by?"
Which of all fucking quotes from The Odyssey that you could actually live by that's the one you pick?

I woke up last knight with a leg cramp in that leg, and went to stretch it out forgeting that it hurts to bend...*palm head*

Somehow that spelling error gives that sentence an entirely new meaning.

I had a slitley better day today, although i almost broke down in Statistics today....

I have never seen someone fuck up a "gh" word that hard before.

My friend Nick is in the hospital. He's under 24 hour sevalence and can't even have a pair of shoes with laces.

Sevalence, Surveillance. Close enough, right? Again I can just hear the stupid North Carolina accent through my internet connection and it explains so much.

apparently Nick had become very depressed and was planning suicide.

Yeah no shit. Hence the "no shoe lace" policy.
I guess that's it, really. I could keep going but this blog, like most blogs, turns into a mobius strip.

If you don’t expect gratitude you’ll seldom be disappointed.

Today's blog is actually what got me started down this path of reviewing blogs. After being linked this, I had never read anything quite as douchey as this. This woman, be it through a quirk of fate, genetics, circumstance or a combination of the three, has to be the biggest gash I have ever seen in my entire life.
I watch surgery shows while eating. I have witnessed the fat deposits in a 400 pound man melted down and sucked through a thin tube into a bag, the mixture of blood and fat looking like a pink smoothie.
While eating.
But this shit almost triggers my gag reflex.
Maybe (probably) it's me, but let's see.

I got the new dishes yesterday, and I love them. Here is some early-morning, seven-grain hot cereal with brown sugar and milk — one of my favorite winter breakfasts.

She loves to take pictures of the food she makes like anyone gives a flying fuck she had chicken casadias last night.

The impending holiday brings out the shepherdess in me: I start looking for, then tending to, every pile of wrinkled tablecloths, every too-tiny drawer of (wrinkled) napkins.

It's really funny she'd call herself a "shepherdess" because I doubt anyone would consider themselves more cosmopolitan than her.

Whenever I see people on Househunters on HGTV complaining that there are only, like, five ginormous closets in the prospective house I start guffawing: People! You have no idea!

What, no idea how difficult it is being in the privileged upper crust of a developed nation? That must be fucking brutal.
Admittedly I do hate that frame of logic (how can you do this when there are people starving in Africa!!!) because the two seem unrelated (and are), but I hate her and this blog so anything to prove her a cunt works for me.

By the time I picked everything out yesterday at the fabric store I was exhausted. You want to get it right, you know?

I have never been exhausted after buying shit. When I go to the Warhammer store to buy paint I mull over the choices and say "yeah some Space Wolves Gray would be good" and walk out. No change in fatigue.

I try to make something special for myself for the holidays every year. It forces me to sit and think about the holidays.

Huh imagine that you doing something for yourself. I bet if you could break down her mental processes into a chart, it'd be 99% her and 1% all other things in the universe.

Ironically, the dishes we use every day here at Paulson Place are seriously boring. White. Plain. Heavy.

Sounds utilitarian. Nothing wrong with being practical-- ha, ha just kidding. This is a cunt I'm talking about. So how much did you pay for your latest set?

(That china is sooooo fancy. I know we should use it more; they always say to use it more. But I am a little terrified of it.)

Maybe that was an attempt at humor that is lost on me, but how can you be a little terrified?
Also terrified of china? I can't imagine what you'd be like if you had to face actual adversity. What do you do when you're at a four way spot and someone steals your turn to go? I bet that's a straight up panic attack.

And, while I have no time to make a runner, I don't think I will be able to not make this runner because it is G*O*R*G*E*O*U*S and it is calling to me.

Ever had one of those yawns that you invariably got in school because it was mad fucking boring, then when it ends your vision is a little blurry and you have one of those groggy "I didn't sleep enough" headaches? That's what this just did to me.

Thank you to everyone who came out to Powell's last night for my book signing!

Further proof that getting published is about as hard as not getting your dick caught in your jeans zipper.

It was really, really fun. I get so very nervous about things like that because my friends and family can tell you what a total utter wally I am when I have to stand up and talk in front of people. Quel nightmare.

Quel gag reflex.

It's like, remember that Jodie Foster movie Nell? That's me.

Oh so you were raised in an isolated section of backwater Washington(?) with only your mentally ill mother and twin sister as company?

Just send me a SASE (self-addressed stamped envelope) and I'll sign some bookplates and send them back to you.

I always wonder why people do this. Why use the acronym if you're going to explain it immediately after that? Even complete fucking morons on AIM know not to do this. "LOL! (that means I am laughing aloud)." That never fucking happens. I guess the only logical reason you would do that is to prove you know what SASE is.

the things I didn't know and learned too late, the quiet winter afternoons with red pens and sticky notes and the Chicago Manual of Style,

Annotating your book like it's a historical document. Wouldn't MLA work better? Or perhaps your own system?

Writing a book makes you feel vulnerable in about a million different ways! Will people like it? Will they hate it? Will I make mistakes? Will I wish I could've done something different?

This is where I got the title for today's entry. That bit of wisdom came to mind.

If you've never had one, a croque monsieur is a grilled ham-and-Gruyere sandwich topped with Mornay sauce, a creamy onion sauce.

Maybe it's because my taste in food has yet to evolve past the three year old's staples that are macaroni and cheese and crackers, but I have no idea with any of this is.

What you're not? Selfless

Well at least you know it.

Where you grew up? Chaos

CHAOS. KILL THE TRAITORS.

Your favourite colour? Grayish

Holy fuck you're the most boring person ever. Gray? Gray is your favorite color?
Here's her list of movies she watches over and over again. This isn't specifically tagged as a top 10 list, but it's safe to say that if you watch it over and over, it's your favorite movie.

1. The Holiday

2. Green Card

3. Something's Gotta Give

4. Under the Tuscan Sun

5. Passion of Mind

6. Nanny McPhee

7. No Reservations

8. Kiss Me Goodbye

9. Seems Like Old Times

10. ____________________

Holy. Shit. I'm allowed to make fun of this because I guarantee my number 1 would be For A Few Dollars More followed by probably Yojimbo, so I'm allowed to make fun of this shitty list.

Seriously, Under the Tuscan Sun? You're a bint's bint.

And let me tell you, if you, like me, thought growing a giant pumpkin seemed like "fun," you've got another think coming.

Better rethink that, then.

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get around to talking about the rest of my books on the booklist.

Wow you really think anyone gives a shit.

If you've been hanging around here for a while, you might remember that this list came together in a few stages from your recommendations. I talked about my choices here and here and then here. And now it's five months later. Egads.

Son of a fuck you have no taste in anything.

Here's your new priority reading list for Winter:

The Count of Monte Cristo, because you seem to be into romantic shit, and this is 1100 pages of romantic (the genre) literature at its best: vengeance.

Nibelungenlied, because you should be cultured in something at some point, and besides it stars a dragon slayer. How badass is that?

That's it. No way you can make it through those two over all winter. See reading real books takes a lot of time. Quality reading is like some of those cakes you make where you explain the complex texture. It's exactly like that.

As you probably know, Jane is a voracious reader and a champion baker (among her other many talents).

More related than you might think, I'd like to add.

Holy shit I have to stop. This is so goddamn boring I can't see straight. I'd rather cut off my own left hand than continue reading this. Fuck.