Remember the basics of CQC

I think we might need them today.
This background, this "moon with some birds flying over water" background is a lot like the Nazi flag, when I think about it. When I see it, nothing good can possibly follow.
Except, at least the Nazis were snappy dressers, so no, no this is worse than Nazis.

If there is anything than can get me up off my intellectual couch (pic below), it is the discussion of religion.

So you're a bore. I get it.

I mean the growing, or shrinking number of religious alcoholics whose only taste of alcohol is the Jesus wine in mass. Er, I mean. The idiots out there who spout that creationism and Jesus, God's fuck buddy, spouts out how your sins are his lunch. Or maybe that was the bread in Mass? Or maybe we should just all sit down and chill and stop giving a shit about religion.

Okay I'm going to try to read and understand this.
So we have some religious sorts (specifically Christians, since as we all know, Christianity is the only religion in the world) and they're talking about something (I don't really get what she's saying here, but I don't really get whatever Christfags yammer on about in some of my classes so this wouldn't be new for me) and now we're going to have bread at mass, because as we all know all Christians are Catholic.

Now, don't give me that shit about METAPHOR. I'm an English major and could teach the fucking SUBJECT on symbolism and metaphor alone.

OH SHIT SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE AN ALL MIGHTY ENGLISH MAJOR PLEASE FORGIVE ME I'LL DELETE WHAT I'VE WRITTEN.

If you want me to give a lesson on the metaphor of the juicy vagina of Eve in Eden and her fruit being picked by a hungry Adam whose limbs were all afire, I suppose I could

Wow for a supposed "English" major you sure did bungle the symbolism of that story up pretty fucking hard.
No, stupid, the fruit symbolizes a choice. The choice between knowledge and ignorance.

Go slap yourself with a piece of lemon peel. According to the video below... our God-given rights are to be able to pray in school, receive Gideon Bibles in school (I was an unfortunate receiver of these in my college years), and the 10 Commandments. BUT the 61% of professors in universities are either agnostic are atheist....according to this thespian expert (wasn't he in that movie Left Behind?). Well, ho, ho, ho. Don't we have a stick up our ass about YOUR faith? Let me lay it for you. Ahem. America is not, nor was ever meant to BE a Christian nation. We say things like "God bless America" because we're stupid and we think God really blesses America.

Cool story.

Another profound piece of ignorant shit is the all-too-used examples of dead "Christians." Names like Einstein, Newton, Bacon, and others are presented to us as perfect reasons why God is real. They're profound thinkers, after all, so that MUST mean the deity we cannot see must be real. It's pretty fucking pathetic that Christians use the past and/or dead people to try to justify their beliefs.

But Bacon and Newton were Christians.
Okay enough of this, good grief.

Seriously, can't this chick stay away from Starbucks for one fucking week? I like Starbucks, too, but I think it's been over a month since I went in for overpriced coffee. There's one right where I work, yet I still say No, yanno?

This is in reference to Britney Spears, which if I had to summarize this post in one word, it would be this word: jealous.

These are pics of Brit before not long before a concert and if anyone is crazy enough to pay tickets for that, well.. sorry for the wasted evening.

SORRY YOU DON'T ENJOY THE SAME THINGS I ENJOY :C
I mean, fuck I agree with you actually but you're such a goddamn dork about everything I feel I have to disagree with you on principle.

She probably got the highest-calorie drink, too. And just theorizes that the concert will burn off the calories, and maybe the secks with her manager will, too.

>Britney Spears
>theorizing anything
Also this is totally why you're jealous: she gets to drink a delicious beverage, makes millions for doing practically nothing and then gets boned.
You know, exactly everything you want out of life.

Man.. these are too hot to trot. Didn't Forrest Gump say you could tell alot about someone by their shoes? I rest my case.

She's wearing some sort of boots, I don't really know.
Also yes, if a borderline retard says something it must be the fucking gospel. Dipshit.

Yeah, I'm posting celeb trash. Oh, well. Sue me. What the hell is Angelina Jolie's kid wearing?

Nope definitely don't care about this.

Does it seem to you like a lot of celebs and other famous people have died this year? Well, it sure has to me. I found a slideshow of all those who have died and thought it was interesting. Famous deaths include John Updike, Michael Jackson, and a host of others.

MICHAEL JACKSON DIED!? WHEN!?

Well, at my work, I got an email (as did most employees) that the college is now Twittering and everyone should sign up to get quick updates about campus activities! Well, let me just get on that, Sir. I think I shall sit and ponder how society got this far without knowing RIGHT AWAY what James Bond thinks of his salad.. or rather, Angelina Jolie's salad tastes like. Ahem. Not that James Bond and my work are related, but maybe one day they could be.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Goddamn I was trying to write a parody of this and I literally could not disassociate myself long enough from sensible speech to do it.

After all, Mr. Bond might like my FaceBook, friend me on it, and decide Oklahoma is where all his dreams will come true. Never know. I think those who do the "Pix or it didn't happen" thing suck hairy monkey balls, too. Go get a life, motherfuckers. I ain't sharing my cool moments with your stay at home asses!

For someone who admits to roleplaying you sure have an uppity attitude about how awesome your life is.
Also, no, the gay, insanely wealthy British man will never fall in love with the fat girl. Sorry bro, real life isn't like Fraiser. (See because the gay guy married the frumpy British girl-- I don't know I didn't watch the show. Why am I making a Fraiser reference? Help me)

And stop fucking your mom. Like I give a shit about you and your "need for a quick fix" to everything. Maybe, one day, too, a shark will fly out of the water so damn hard it'll smack right into you, jaws first, and cause substantial damage to you electronics with mad tail flapping

Holy fuck, what?
Here's my official response: I'll stop fucking my mom when you start making some fucking sense, dipshit.

And we'd all rejoice about how Twitter and Google got us so far. After all, where else can you find sharks and naked tits together? Maybe time will tell. Have fun, masturbators. Don't forget batteries for your iPhone, iPod, XBox 360 hand controller, and TV remotes.

Xbox 360 hand controller. Versus the foot controlled model. Also that's very astute of you, knowing the Xbox 360 controller took batteries. Speaking from experience, are we?

Well, today was the last day I will be seeing my sister for the next 9 weeks. She'll be flying out to Fort Jackson in South Carolina for some basic training that she has been waiting for for about like.. 7 months?

Flying to Fort Jackson in South Carolina to get some CQC training so she can use it against you, I hope. Goddamn.

Anyway, I thought this little bit of info on electronics was funny.. and very true. Thanks to consoles, a new breed of fatties will be born:

"According to the always accurate "industry sources," the PS3 will receive a $100 drop sometime in the middle of August, just in time for the launch of Madden NFL 10. That would also coincide with back to school shopping, apparently a popular time for buying consoles by parents who want to give their kids every chance in the world to fail thanks to spending too much time robbing graves in Uncharted." Source: Engadget.com

YEAH TAKE THAT. Never mind that these same nerds will later land in college, graduate with honors then make tons of money on electronics and wind up emotionally dead inside VIDEO GAMES ARE BAD. :C
Also I've written a little joke for this exact paragraph:
Parents buy their kids PS3s so they'll focus on their studies.
How's that?
Because the PS3 has NO GAMES!
I'm not very good at Ultros jokes sorry
Wow, all right. Here's something I want you to look into: paragraphs.
Ha, ha, ready for the ultimate twist? This is a guy writing.
Oh my no I never would have seen this coming.
Now there's a picture of-- err.

There is a tiny bit of female-ness in the pics... mostly because they remind me of Andrei's female side... even if only in posturing or personality.

All right so I must have stumbled on a pseudo-lady or something. Let's not dwell too much on this because this entry is already too long.

It had some stuff I didn't like... but every game has something annoying about it. I'm not much of a gamer, but a few catch my attention span.

I take it you're not a triple fan.
Now there's a post implying she (he?) doesn't (didn't?) know who Joan Jett was. I don't really get this. Why are people asking you if you know who she is?

Indian one-horned rhino. (No, rhinos don't just live in Africa... dork).

Hence "Indian" one horned rhino, dipshit.
Well this can't possibly be any more boring. I'm going to do something else now, enjoy your weekend.

Welcome to Die, X-men!

Today I'm going to be fishing in FFXI while updating, because there's no reason why this nonsense should cut into my mad fishing profits. Today's target is the elusive nebimonite, which looks like some kind of prehistoric shellfish or something I don't know-- anyway they sell for a lot. I think cooks make sushi out of them. I don't know, and I can't be bothered to figure out what those silly meleers eat. All I know is my character is on a steady diet of cakes, cookies and pies because very much like real life cakes, cookies and pies increase your sorcerous aptitude.
Oh right this blog thing. I almost forgot. So there's this cunt idk--

I found something on teh interwebs that will probably eat my entire afternoon: 1-star reviews on Amazon of things that are otherwise considered classics/best in their field.

Good heavens, people, with poor/no taste sharing their opinions on the internet? This has never happened before!
Also contrary to what school taught me and what I've probably said here many times to justify calling someone stupid for having a contrary opinion, your opinion can't actually be wrong.

Good grief... the one where the guy was complaining that Vonnegut trivialized death in Slaughterhouse Five and how that made it a dumb book... I...

Meanwhile the actual greatest book ever written, my commercial phenomenon Twilight is enjoying a solid... Four stars on Amazon!

It's not that people aren't allowed to miss the point, but do they have to advertise it by leaving bad reviews on Amazon? XD

lol! there sure is a lot of funny business going on on this, what is it, Internet! XP

Now I have read somewhere that ancient egyptians used to feed their slaves beer to make them pliant and harder workers, as well as providing for their calorie needs while they worked.

Those ancient Egyptians were smart people. I'm not commenting on the institute of slavery, but if you have tons of slaves you need to be compliant, that's a smart way to go about it.

So I'm reading through a forum discussing people's favorite childhood books, and my eyes keep getting bigger and rounder at remembering all these books I loved as a child. Remember The Phantom Tollbooth? Ever read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

No, I was always a bitter, jaded adult and I've never heard of these :c

So I have this spreadsheet where I track all of my bills data - income and outflow of cash, really.

Not getting too technical, are you? You're not really supposed to qualify something with "really" unless the statement that preceeded it was somehow unclear or technical.

Until today, I hadn't listed my house balance on the interest-bearing debt portion of the spreadsheet, because my plans to pay it off were so long term that I didn't bother.

Oh this is genius. "Long term debt is so long term I won't even bother tracking it because I'll die before it's all paid off!" what, it would take you 5 hours to add an extra number to another column every month?

And then I sat and looked at the balance of my total interest bearing debts... and it didn't look that bad. It's around $83k, and I'm wondering how I can be in a place where $83k doesn't seem like a lot of money.

>83k
>not a lot of money
hrm.

Then I realize, it's likely because of our economy, and listening to news bits about the billions of dollars other people apparently need to bail themselves out, $83k is peanuts.

Yeah, but you're not getting billions of dollars. Meanwhile this entire thing blows over and you're still the better part of 100,000 dollars in debt.

So our passport cards came in the mail a couple days ago. 80 days until the cruise whee!

You're almost 100,000 in debt and you're taking a cruise?
I guess she counts her mortgage as part of her debt, which would make sense.

So I pray to the G-man upstairs, and I say "Hey, please, help my husband, he's very stressed out and I don't know how to help him. Please show him how to cope with stress."

Please no.

And the G-man, he goes, "Want him to learn to deal with stress? Ok. Here's a raccoon."

Fuck me.

Seriously. Phil hit a raccoon doing 70 mph on the interstate in Ohio... practically obliterated the front end of the car.

Fucked that raccoon up, I bet.

So I'm sitting on the stairs, putting on tennis shoes, contemplating yogurt... and the dog starts getting all excited, and I start talking to her "Let's see, if I spent $1.79 on a half gallon of milk, and from that got a quart of yogurt and some cheese... divide by two..." during which Lady gets increasingly aggressive excited, and a light bulb goes off over my head "Oh! You don't CARE about math, do you? You're a DOG!"

Ha, my rocket science knows no boundaries. Time for walkies tho, eh? :)

Wacky hijynx!

Some things that were iffy: I couldn't get the milk up to 185 in my double boiler. It hovered at about 181 for an hour, so I had to hope that was good enough.

Oh what could possibly go wrong?

Given that my double boiler is just a big bowl on a pot of water, I'm guessing 181 is where the heat loss from the surface area = the heat gain from the bottom of the bowl.

That's not really how that works, but okay.

Half-assed theory, given my very vague background in chemistry and physics (yay high school XD), but it's what I got.

Hypothesis* also lol xD
Now there's a huge list of resolutions that include such impossible feats of willpower as:
living within her means
and
not eating like a total pig
OH MY GOODNESS!
So now she admits to cyberstalking someone and being pregnant and other shit I don't know

And then this morning, listening to that Will Smith song, Just the Two of Us, and getting all bleary again.

>Will Smith song
>emotional response outside disgust or cynical bemusement
All right I'm sick of this.