It keeps happening

Dreamwidth is really abusive with this adult content filter trigger warning thing.
Literally every single post.
Why did they think that was a good idea?
Click entry.
Agree I'm still 18+.
Wait for entry to load.
Imagine if you were still on dialup?

This morning, after a great trip to the gym which very much helped with the pain I've been in since Saturday, I was overcome by a wave of sadness. As per my mental health plan I've let my people know and they're supporting me. Behind the cut I'm going to write out what's wrong and see if writing it out equals getting it out. 

I've missed this.
The self indulgent whining.
It was so lacking on Livejournal anymore.

I fucking hate MS. I hate it. I hate that any bit of stress or upheaval or even a fucking cold causes me to have a pseudo-exacerbation. I feel as if I haven't been well since the actual exacerbation I had in August and except for Jen's wedding and a few days before Thanksgiving that's true. I feel like shit all the damn time and I'm sick of it. 

I know. Fuck Microsoft.
What the hell were they thinking with Windows 8?
I like a lot of the background things they did. The way they handle file management now is nice and resembles Office more now so that's cool.
That start bar thing just kills it.
Why click start and go through a drop down menu when you can open a fullscreen display of all your apps in block form that rearranges itself for no clear reason?
Yeah that's easy.

I emailed my MS Nurse yesterday to talk to her about yet another MS symptom. Yes, we'll be treating it, and yes, that's a good thing, but I really did not want to have to take another pill. That'll be 17 per day if you're counting. Once I get onto BG-12 it'll be 19 per day. Maybe we can find a pill that works to manage my fatigue like amantadine didn't and make it an even 20. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

Okay I've had enough of this entry.
Moving right along--

The Following: The Curse

That's the name of a TV show.
The Following: The Curse.
The Following: The Curse: The Revenge.
How many more cliches can you tack on?
How awkward a name is that?
The Following The Curse.
How about Curse: The Following?
I mean that's blatantly stupid too but at least you don't have redundancy in your articles.
Maybe the producers were concerned that would sound like an imperative?
Like CURSE THE FOLLOWING?
I dunno.
I can't imagine they thought at all though if they went with a four word title and half of it is the word "the".

I am loving watching everyone fall apart. First Emma and Roderick were battling for power, to be second in command. Jacob is getting some power, way more than he ever had, and he is not pleased with Emma any longer. 

Oh. Apparently the show is just called "The Following".
Starring Kevin Bacon as a vampire.
Wow.
POEM TIME.

Death is nothing at all

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Err, what?
Isn't death kind of the great nothingness?
The great equalizer?
All are and then all are not?
Is that even what happens?
Just you are and then you aren't any more?
I mean probably.
Why does my writing now look like a poem?
I'm not writing a poem, fuck you.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

SHE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING WRITE THIS.
THIS IS A REAL POEM THEY PUT IN A CANON.
I remember doing that once.
I wrote a poem, read it along 3 other "modern classics" and had an audience identify the one I had written.
Protip: they couldn't fucking do it.
Other fun games you can play with a modern poetry class:
slip in lyrics from Offspring songs into really emo poems that are "oh so deep" written by angry lesbians in the 50s.
Most audiences can't tell the difference.
What else did I do in that class to troll the shit out of people?
Oh we had to read a poem written by an author.
I found a poem entitled "Al Green" and read that.
It was a poem, I'm not joking, about how awesome Al Green is.
That's in a book of poetry.
It even contains the line "Al Green is the motherfucker".
Whenever we did poetry readings my goal was just to read the poem that had the most instances of the word "fuck".
I remember one poem was written by a soldier in Iraq about how he shot the fuck out of some Commies.
That poem was cool.
Then the guy actually came into the class.
That class was pretty neat, actually.
Saying fuck a lot in front of 75 people in an academic setting
trolling snowflakes
whatever, man.

I need a distraction. What do you all have that's funny or awesome? Am I hearing that FOB has a video? What else?

The complete works of Gaius Valerius Catullus.

People say Roman poetry is too high minded and stiff.

I implore you to find a funnier line in poetry than:

Oh what a funny thing, Cato, and a jest,
and worthy of your laughter and ears!
Laugh as much as you love Catullus, Cato:
the thing is funny and very much a joke.
I just caught a little boy thrusting away
into a girl; I banged him, if it please Dione,
with my boner like a spear.

WITH MY BONER

LIKE A SPEAR.

I don't even know what the fuck he's talking about.

YOU MADE FUN OF ME CATO

WELL I'LL SHOW YOU

I'LL FUCK THIS GUY WHILE HE'S FUCKING A CHICK!
Like what's wrong with you, man?

A lot of his poetry reads like that.

Like he's so angry he doesn't even know what the fuck he's saying anymore.

I beg you, my sweet, my Ipsitilla,
my darling, my sophisticated beauty,
summon me to a midday assignation;
and, if you're willing, do me one big favor:
don't let another client shoot the door bolt,
and don't decide to suddenly go cruising,
but stay at home & get yourself all ready
for nine - yes, nine - successive copulations!
Honestly, if you want it, give the order:
I've eaten, and I'm sated, supinated!
My prick is poking through my cloak and tunic.

Here's another one about how a prostitute he knows gives him a huge boner--

There's literally dozens of these poems.

READY YOUR BODY

BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO FUCK

NIIIIIINE TIMES!
Just what every woman wants to hear.

Oh right.

Blogs.

Sorry this kind of turned into a case study of a Roman poet.

Much more interesting, honestly.

And finally I've figured out what's been nagging at me all day. I'm considering letting someone back into my life. I suspect that person will not understand the limitations my MS places on me and my relationships. I've actually already had evidence of this. My instincts are telling me this will not work and to back away quickly. But that seems unfair. I'm not particularly asking for advice but I certainly won't turn down any words of wisdom or commiseration.

See what I mean?
What would you rather read?

Spider Stories follows the tale of Princess Zahara who is thrown into hiding after the royal family is overthrown by a corrupt neighboring kingdom. While traveling with a misfit caravan of merchants she meets a wandering drummer griot who introduces her to the spirit world. Armed with a mystical staff, the fearless princess embarks on quest to reconnect with the spirits, reunite her homeland, and reclaim the throne.

We are developing an 11 minute animated pilot for a fantasy adventure series called Spider Stories. Your pledges will go towards funding a team of animators to get it done at a professional level of quality.

Wow

I can pay to have the most cliche story ever turned into an 11 minute animation.

How much money do you need?
SIGN ME UP UH HUH HUH

Is your body ready?
They raised 35,000 dollars.

I've been watching Zero Hour and enjoying it. That sort of Nazi-occult-religious stuff is right up my alley. But, oh my god, could we check our privilege for five seconds? 

CHECK YOUR

FUCKING PRIVILEGE CIS WHINE BAGS

She just unironically used the term "check your privilege"

it fucking happened

I saw it

Our Hero, the White Dude, wants to know if the Elderly Indian Female Mystic has a birthmark. Instead of asking her, he licks his finger and wipes make up off her face. Are you fucking kidding me? Her body is not yours, asshole! She's a fucking person. You wiped your spit on her!

It's a TV show, dipshit.

I'm sure the creators aren't telling you to spit on old Indian women as white men.

My stepmother continued to post in the same vein all day. I deleted her posts, unfriended her, and blocked her. I can't have her in my life.

I didn't realize how much this would trigger me. My jaw aches so much right now from clenching it all day. I feel safe again now that I know she can't get to me that way.

I'm so grateful for the people who talked me through all this today.

TRIGGER WARNING: STEP MOM

I remembered what I wanted to talk about. Aubagio's drug clearance is two years. That means it's inside you for two years after you stop taking it. Dr. Neuro says the procedure to clear it from your body is horrible and she isn't actually sure the human body can tolerate it. There are big deal warnings about getting pregnant while taking Aubagio. She strongly warned me about this. 

"Oh okay thanks doc"

END OF DISCUSSION.

I told her I've been married for 23 years and have not had children because it was decided before marriage that we did not want them. (I've never wanted children, I've always wanted to be an aunt and a mentor. This goes back to my childhood while playing with baby dolls. I was never the mother.) And I flat out told her that if I were to become pregnant I would abort, Aubagio or no.

"Oh wow two years, huh. I'll be sure not to get knocked up."

And she said "you might change your mind once you're pregnant."

Well, I suppose I might. I'm sure there's some tiny percentage that says I might. But I think my desire to not ever raise a child is pretty clear. Since I've become ill with MS I've several times said I'm thankful I'd always felt this way because as of right now I could not raise a child. (Also, I am 44 years old. I'm getting a bit on in years for this am I not? If I wanted a baby now I'd likely be concentrating on that.)

This bothers me. This is the typical stuff I hear all the time from people. Why can no one respect my decision?

JUST SAY OKAY AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE
JESUS CHRIST.

LAST TIME I WENT TO THE DOCTOR HE WANTED TO FEEL MY BALLS

AND I LET HIM
AND I'M NOT WHINING ABOUT IT.

Checking for a hernia, right.

I didn't know how much my job hinged on me allowing a physical, though, so I went for it.

Short-tempered today. Woke up ill in the night. Managed to not yell at someone on FB but it was a near thing.

(Don't follow the news. Don't google when you have a question. No, don't do any of that. Just complain about how They are taking All Your Stuff. Them. With their Free Ride.)

See? A very near thing.

If any of you giga queers has pyerite in EVE Online deliver it to Hostni VII, Moon 18- DED Assembly Plant and I'll pay you in GOOOOLD.

I'm making rockets.

Mjolnir High Precision Heavy Rockets.

Tight profit margins but I feel it'll be worth it in June.

Oh Jesus she even has something called a snowflake challenge.

I DEFY YOU TO BE MORE OF A TWAT.

snowflake_challenge Day 9: In your own space, create a fanwork. A drabble, a ficlet, a podfic, or an icon, art or meta or a rec list. A picspam. Something. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

Not gonna happen.

SNOWFLAKE CHALLENGE

HOW SPECIAL ARE YOU?

Oh forget it.

I'm gonna go space mine.