Words.

Words.
Words.

When meeting with a new client the first time, often the first question I hear is "how much life insurance do I need?" While that is a key question it usually can't be answered until certain information is known. A common guideline in the industry is 8 to 10 times your annual income. 

End of article.
No, I kid. It goes on for 3-4 more pages.

OK, let's say your annual income is $50,000, so your coverage should be $400,000 to $500,000. 

Yes that would be in the neighborhood of 8-10 times.
Thanks for breaking it down for me. I forgot how to multiply by 10 for a second.

OK that makes sense but what if you are a stay at home mom with no income? Does that mean mom doesn't need insurance?

That's why the dad remarries.
Sorry that was insensitive.
That's why--
No fuck it statement stands.

On the contrary, we know moms are the most under paid people out there because of everything she does for our family and we would be totally lost without her. Yes mom needs to be insured for sure, so forget the 8 to 10 times rule and read on. 

Insure her for 100000000 times her present income.
Wait, no--
that's still 0.
a trillion.
STILL 0.
0.
THE NEMESIS OF NUMBERS.

The only way I believe you can determine how much insurance you need is to share certain information with your insurance agent.

All that for "ask a professional."
If I make 500,000 a year (har har) then she's getting insured for that much as well because I'm not marrying someone less valuable than me.
Caesar's wife must be beyond reproach, etc etc.

If you don't know the name of an agent, ask your friends and business associates who they use and trust.

Just find the most Jewish sounding name on the list.

The five reasons you should learn to can your own food are:

1.) Save money 

2.) Ensure the quality of your food 

3.) Preserve family recipes 

4.) Become independent of grocery stores 

5.) Utilize excess produce from your garden

>excess produce from my garden

leaves and dog shit. 

This blog really sucks so I'm going to start linking some songs you should be listening to along with this entry to keep the intrigue up.

Here's first.

 The first reason you should learn to can is to save money. It's true that canning requires a modest investment to begin, but the equipment quickly pays for itself. 

Out of the Cellar is seriously one of the best albums ever. If you don't have it you're a FAGGOT.

Round and Round

Wanted Man

WHAT THE FUCK MORE DO YOU IDIOTS WANT?

WELL THERE ARE MORE SONGS ON IT THAT SOUND EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME.

FUCK YOU RATT IS AWESOME.

Are you discouraged about America today? Do you think that we have lost our way?

No more bands like Dire Straits or Ratt--

What happened to the world?

Do you despair that we will ever get government "by the people for the people," or do you think that it is slowly perishing from the earth in favor of power elites who can buy elections and then do whatever they want?

Honestly in my daily dealings with people I think we have the government we deserve.

We don't really deserve someone badass to lead us out of the dark ages until we can prove we're not complete twats.

I see no reason not to keep with the theme of hair metal.

The Declaration of Independence, signed on July 4th, 1776, has become one of the hinges of history, in America and all over the world. In these magnificent words, this nation began:
"We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they were endowed by Their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

AMERICA INVENTED FREEDOM

FUCK YOU LEAGUE OF GREEK STATES YOU CAN EAT A FAT DICK.

Do you know that most people start to lose the experience of their Authentic Self shortly after they are born?

Authentic self?
Are you saying I front, bitch?

Wow there's a term no one has heard since 1995.

You're welcome, white middle America.

Do you know the Authentic Self slowly goes underground as it is replaced by a "false" self that attempts to survive and adapt to an often inhospitable social environment where true self expression is prohibited?

People couldn't handle what I really think. Let's be honest.

Do you know this means that most individuals wind up "living" false or inauthentic lives often associated with unexplained feelings of emptiness, purposelessness, depression, confusion, pessimism and despair? 

RATT.

I don't know how you can listen to that song and not be in at least a slightly better mood.

Let me start by reminding you that the experience of the Authentic Self is one in which one feels confident, self assured, loving towards themselves, worthy and deserving, peaceful, empowered, free, in charge of one's mind/body and life, strong, self validating, emotionally independent and self sufficient, self directed, in full ownership and authority over themselves, centered, grounded, joyful, resilient, creative, spontaneous, alive, present, clear, discerning and much more.

Yeah if you have a job half that shit is right out the window. 

I think Dante had about the right of it: other people are hell.

Was that Dante?
I don't know if anyone reading this has noticed but if I like a quote I'll just attribute it to one of about a dozen people.

Half the quotes I quote aren't really said by these people at all.

Most people experience this "opening" in their Heart region. That is because what I refer to as one's Life Force Energy (LFE) which is the energy/wisdom from which the Authentic Self is sourced "enters" (or "re-enters") the mind/body at that point and then spreads like a wave throughout the rest of the being.

... What?

So how does LFE, and hence your Authentic Self, get depleted/separated from the mind/body in the first place?
Well, as mentioned, when one is born here they begin to experience events that prohibit, prevent, inhibit and undermine the LFE's right to remain in the mind/body and therefore in control of it. This is equivalent to losing one's freewill and becoming a pawn to external societal pressures.

Well thanks for that. I guess I'm all fixed now.

Oh, I know what time it is:

Motherfucking Scorpions time.

When isn't it Scorpions time, though?

A trip to Burma (also known as Myanmar) is a once in a lifetime travel opportunity, which means that vacationers want to make sure that they're able to experience everything the country has to offer.

>Going to Burma

Yeah, cool place to go if you like military dictatorships.

Located between Thailand, Laos, Bangladesh, India and China, the country is officially called the Republic of the Union of Myanmar. 

AND ANYTHING NESTLED BETWEEN THOSE WINNERS IS A PLACE I GOTTA SEE!

Anyone with children who can move around on their own has felt the sinking feeling that your child is lost. Most of the time the feeling only lasts a split second before you realize your child just moved to the other side of the shopping cart, or stopped to examine a toy just before you turned into the next aisle at the store.

But every so often (and I personally have a couple memories from my own childhood) a child actually does get lost and for the next heart pounding minutes everything in the world stops except your need to find your child again.

If my kid ever gets lost--

I feel sorry for anything in their way. 

Line of Sight - This one works best when the density of the crowd is minimal. 

Gotta break up that LoS.

Shopping centers, department stores and parks are good examples. Basically I just tell my kids that they can't go behind things or around corners from me. The key to this is establishing some kind of signal which means "come back now". If the signal is ignored by the child, instant revocation of independence occurs, usually accompanied by some other punishment like a time-out.

Stealth. 

If you're spotted do everything to break LoS.

Plan enforcement comes in the form of restricted freedom should one of the kids break the rules. One minute per year of age seems to be enough time of forced proximity or hand-holding to convince our independent minded kids to stick to the rules. Usually we don't have to actually get angry or shout at the kids for them to stick to the rules, simply removing privileges is enough to reinforce them.

Hand holding?
If they break the rules?
Yeah if you want to raise pussies who will be murdered instantly in the coming apocalypse.

Man this blog is fucking boring.

Time for the best band there is.

You know, their other big hit.

I was going to go for something obscure but nah don't want to be hipster about it.

Besides, name 15 better songs than this one.

Hear that opening riff?

Finally, in each situation, I try to give my kids a plan for what to do should the worst happen. Depending on the situation, we lay it out -

Basics of CQC.

Ohhh.

Anyway I'm up to the start of this shit so I'm going to get going now.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFF

POLITICAL VOICES OF

WOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

Why do I love reusable holiday gift bags? Let me count the ways:

I hated fucking bagging groceries.
Especially when the cunts would bring their bags from home.
Because they'd forget to hand them to me (or I wasn't paying attention fuck I don't know) so I'd have to take all their stupid organic groceries (if they had any produce I'd wonder why they bothered because none of that shit was shipped properly so it was touching non-organic crap as it was shipped only to have me wash it in the same pox water I'd been using) out of the bag, move them to the new bag (wrap the meat in a plastic bag anyway) then do all that.
It sucked and saved 0 bags.
Fuck grocery stores.
... This isn't even about reusable grocery bags.
Sorry, it felt related.

Three, reusable bags save trees, in the form of paper.

If we care so much about the environment--
maybe don't wrap your gifts at all?

As auto show season starts to ramp up, plan on taking a look at Ford Motor Co.'s 2013 Fusion when you tour the showroom floor. 

You guys remember The Animatrix?
That anime Matrix movie?
There was that awesome part that documents the fall of humanity to robot overlords and it started with the robot city that made cars?
Man that shit was fucking sweet.
Controversial opinion time: The Animatrix was the best part of The Matrix movies.
Mostly because the Wachowski (or however the fuck you spell it) brothers were only tangentially involved.
They are the whiter version of M. Night Shamylan (fucking names today, goddamn).

One thing that makes receiving my monthly EcoCentric Mom Box so much fun is that I never know what new, eco-friendly innovations it's going to contain. Pretty regularly, I find welcome non-toxic body lotions, face cleansers or cosmetics and organic taste treats inside. But there are always a few extra surprises included that introduce me to something I had no idea was available.

The levels of cunt are off the charts!
ECOCENTRIC MOM BOX
EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO PUNCH YOU IN YOUR MOM BOX.

Here’s why I love them, and why I hope you’ll support their new KickStarter campaign to raise $35,000 so they can bring you a line of eco, vegan, and woman-friendly shoes you’ll want to add to your wardrobe.

Fund my Kickstart that is stopping douchey Kickstarts like this.
Think about it: all the money you give me isn't going to cunts.

First, “Jane’s” shoes are fashionable and fun. They’ve been designed by hipsters who took a couple of years to create a collection that’s both practical and trend-setting. 

>designed by hipsters
seriously give me your money. I'll buy Farcry 3 with it or something.
I can guarantee no hipsters will get your money if you give it to me.
Farcry 3, a 3DS, Etrian Odyssey IV, Monster Hunter 4, Shin Megami Tensei 4, Persona 5--
vidya needs my money and I need your money to make this happen.
Keep your money out of the hands of hipsters and cunts.

Janes come in neutral shades for maximum wardrobe appeal – but the bright, bold insoles (with arch support) will make their own snazzy statement when you slip them off the next time you go through airport security. 

Great. Milquetoast is how this reads to me.
BOLD COLORS.
CYBERPUNK THIS MOTHERFUCKER UP.
Admittedly if you just Google image search "cyberpunk" the dominating color is gray followed by neon green but whatever.
Also Billy Idol is like half a page down and William Gibson isn't even on the front page--
I don't even know what to do with that info.

They can fold up flat into a sleek carrying case if you travel a lot, or want to keep a spare set in your purse so you have something stylish to slide into when you can’t stand to wear your heels another second. They’ll work as well with leggings or jeans as with skirts or capris. 

AM I SERIOUSLY GETTING A LECTURE ON HOW SHOES WORK?

But you know me. Style without substance just ain’t enough for those of us who care about people and the planet as well as products. 

That's kind of why I'm at odds with cyberpunk fashion. It's an era that hasn't happened yet and presumably people won't dress like that when it does so you're just dressing like a twat to be dressing like a twat.
Also most (normal) people won't consider cybernetic augmentation attractive so you're just being contrarian unless there's something actually wrong with you.

What sets I Know Jane apart from other shoes is that they are both eco-friendly and empower the women who make them. How? They’re animal-free: no leather or wool here.

... Because as we all know nothing keeps women down more than leather or wool.
... Keeping women down with leather.
Very Freudian.
Also can you think of a douchier name than "I Know Jane" for your shoe brand?
Fucking
Jesus Christ.
Why did I feel the need to qualify that with "for your shoe brand"? It's douchey no matter what product you're making, okay.

The upper is made from 70% recycled cotton and 30% PET that comes from recycled plastic bottles. The outsoles are biodegradable. Water-based glues are used in assembly to reduce use of conventional adhesives that contain more toxic chemicals.

So what I'm getting is these are shoes that won't hold up in the slightest.
The twist: company owned by a man.
You know they say the gods sometimes will bargain with you for powers. Clearly this man traded his nuts for business savvy.

That’s why, even if you don’t use Tide®, Emma needs your help. There are millions of people out there who have no idea that Tide is toxic, who are unknowingly washing their clothes in a product that contains a carcinogen.

Everything causes cancer. Fuck it.

What is 1,4-Dioxane?

I dunno but it sounds legit.

1,4-dioxane is classified as a probable carcinogen by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) and a known carcinogen under Proposition 65 in California. 1,4-dioxane is sometimes found in products that create suds, like shampoo, liquid soap, and bubble bath. It is an expected contaminant when chemicals like sodium laureth sulfate, PEG compounds, and others are present.

California seems to claim everything causes cancer. I'll wait until a saner state makes its ruling.
Or Spain.
All the little bottles of paint I have from Spain have so many warnings on them I figure any country that produces that shit must have its act together.

I am Voting for Barack Obama because We are Greener than We were Four Years Ago.

That is genius.
He's not hurting industry, he's ensuring the environment is protected!
Those factories can't pollute if they're out of business, can they?
CHECKMATE, REPUBLICANS!

Are we “greener” than we were four years ago?

Yes, we are, and Barack Obama deserves a lot of the credit.

Nobel prize well deserved.
Did you know the other serious consideration for the Nobel Peace Prize the year Barack got his was a Polish woman who had her teeth kicked out by Nazis during a torture session where she refused to tell the location of Jews she'd been hiding?
But clearly a man who uses unmanned drones to kill insurgents in one of the most expensive wars in the history of humanity is deserving this award.

Eating Organic Produce Will Reduce Your Exposure to Toxic Chemicals

Not to commit libel here but not at Harris Teeter.

It can be terribly confusing to figure out what products are “green” and which ones are being “greenwashed” just so companies can make a buck on consumers’ desires to be more eco-friendly.

It is really confusing.
The easiest way to find out is when everything tastes like dirt.
That means you bought organic.

Gas prices have topped $4 a gallon in some states, and are inching higher and higher in many others. You're probably not surprised: if you're reading this blog, then you know that gasoline comes from oil, and oil is an unreliable source of fuel. Prices are volatile right now because the Middle East is so shaky, worldwide demand is rising, and some American refineries are not operating at full capacity.

Well if I were Caesar it'd be mostly solar by now but that's just me.
Where are my space elevators and Dyson spheres?
Cybernetic implants would be powered through biomechanics--
no more computers because that shit's in your head now--
Basically make me ruler of humanity is what I'm trying to say.

3. Drive less - Walk, bicycle, use a scooter or moped, combine trips, and telecommute.

Oh yeah, that one would go over huge.
Let me telecommute to the school.

7. Use mass transit and "Ride Share" programs - Why pay for gasoline at all?

Use mass transit to my current job which plants me smack dab in the middle of the hood--
Well, I guess I'd be doing my part for the environment by removing myself from it. Permanently.

3) Cell phones - Take to Best Buy, Staples, or Office Depot, or send to Collective Good, which will refurbish them, re-sell them, and share the profits with the charity of your choice.

So I give them my cell phone and my reward for this altruistic effort is they rub it in my face how much money they make selling my cellphone?
Frankly I'd rather throw it away.

Is China a beacon of the environmental future - or a reminder of its past? 

DARK FUTURE.

 Don't waste your money buying electric bug zappers or battery-powered insect traps. They don't actually prevent mosquitos from breeding, and they're pretty intrusive - who wants to sit on the porch on a nice summer night and hear "zzzz" every time a bug gets electrocuted?

Me.

This year, the number of people living on the earth will amount to 7,000,000,000. That's seven billion, more than at any other time in the history of human kind.

Clearly with this many people we can convince people not to reproduce.
At no point should colonizing space be a priority.

What does make sense, says Engelman, is to promote "population policies based on the right of all women to choose whether and when to bear a child" because those policies actually slow the growth of population.

In wealthy nations.
Seriously, declare me Caesar and the world's problems will rapidly diminish.

"Every country that offers easy access to contraceptive and safe abortion services also has a fertility rate of two children per woman or fewer, consistent with a declining population. More than two out of five pregnancies worldwide are unintended, suggesting that a world in which women everywhere were fully in control of their childbearing would soon reverse population growth. “Soon” would come even sooner if, at the same time, women’s standing relative to men surged—in education, health, economic well-being, legal protection and political participation."

Well there you have it.
Colonize space?
Waste of time.
We can totally convince people to go against their biological directives.
As Caesar I can offer a plan to set up at least 15 space colonies that will be permanent home to well over 100 million people each.
It won't be completed in our lifetime but we need an actual long term solution to this problem and this cunt's "give every woman birth control" isn't fucking cutting it.
You could pay people to not have babies and they'd somehow manage to fuck it up. The only solution is space.
Anyway I gotta go do something not this. Anyway I'm up to the start anyway so fuck everything.

The American People

If CONSERVATIVE WOMEN BLOGGING were a stock I'd be buying like crazy right now.

Did you know that June 9 is National Take Your Daughter to the Range Day? Now you do, and you have no excuse not to participate.

I have a couple of excuses not to participate, actually.
I don't own a gun.
I don't have a daughter.
I don't know where a range is.
I could Google the last one but the other two are a bit of a problem.

“But Amazon,” you say. “I don’t have a daughter to take to the range with me!”

Or a gun to take with me, for that matter.

There are plenty of women out there who didn’t have a father who loved them enough to teach them to shoot. Why not take one of them to the range?

Yeah let me ask one of the girls tomorrow in my class.
That'll go over well for all parties involved.

Can’t find a woman to go with you? Go by yourself and put in some practice hours, so that if you ever do have a daughter, you can train her up like Annie Oakley.

I was really busy June 9th. Probably.
That was a Saturday--
probably dreading having to go into my shitty job, actually.

Here’s why every father should make sure his little pumpkin can shoot a gun:

Well you know.
I came up with a few reasons last post.

Young women are bombarded with messages in the media that insist they have to look a certain way, weigh a certain amount, and wear certain clothes, or no boy will ever ask them to prom. But a shooting range is a judgment-free zone. No one cares whether you just had a break-out, or if your jeans are from Abercrombie, or you gained 15 pounds.  Wouldn’t you rather your daughter spend time at the range on Saturdays than at the mall?

That's a lame argument.

Much like drugs, if you don’t talk to your children about guns, someone else will. Do you really want to take the chance that the person talking to your daughter about guns is some dopey women’s studies teacher who says things like “the very presence of a weapon offends?”

Man you make guns seem really fucking lame.
Why do people even fight?
Fighting is fucking gay now.
Time to pack this shit up, losers.

Gun ownership is like a vaccine against against dating liberals. If you want your daughter to attract the right kind of red-blooded conservative guy and repel the kinds of men who wear ironic t-shirts and play frisbee, make sure that she has a gun or two in her home and a decorative glass jar full of spent casings displayed prominently on her book shelf.

Want to ensure your grandchildren have a few extra chromosomes?

Well here's some advice you can follow.

Most importantly, the world is a dangerous place. Whether we’re talking about home invasions, rape attempts, or the zombie apocalypse, you want to give your daughter the best possible chance of making her way through life without being a victim.

Yeah all right.
So guns are passe now.
Maybe I can teach her to fight with knives or something?

You all knew that some things are worth dying for. One’s country is worth dying for, and democracy is worth dying for, because it’s the most deeply honorable form of government ever devised by man. 

Hey whoa, man.
Look, you can go die for these things, all right. Meanwhile I'll hang back here.

All of you loved liberty. All of you were willing to fight tyranny, and you knew the people of your countries were behind you.

These assholes have my back?
I'm not sure whether to be more concerned about that or who I'm fighting now.
This was a quote by Ronald Reagan, incidentally.
I'm not filled with patriotic fervor, no.

There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask my fellow 20-somethings: Do you ever feel like politicians are trolling you?

I try very hard not to pay attention to politics.

Sometimes, when I want to torture myself and risk raising my blood pressure to unhealthy levels, I read blog comments. Apparently, there are people in this world whose reaction to the recent news item about a naked drug addict eating the face of a homeless man isn’t to ask “WTF” over and over again, and make zombie jokes.

Shocking twist to that story that went bizarrely unreported (possibly to keep national panic down): it turns out he wasn't on drugs.

1. I hope that Republicans take this time to figure out exactly what it is we stand for.  Not just tax cuts willy-nilly, but serious cuts in the size and scope of government.  Lower taxes should be the extra benefit of less government, not the be-all and end-all of Republican economic policy.  This means that we can’t be afraid to let taxes increase across the board when government gets bigger, because when people don’t have to pay for a good, their demand is pretty much limitless.
2. I hope that Obama lives up to Christopher Buckley’s expectations, because stale liberal ideas (let’s tax the rich some more!) won’t get us anywhere in any of the current crises we face.

Politics should be run like how people play EVE Online.
I mean sure it's cut throat, unfair and brutal but at least everyone is honest about it. No one is pretending to be anything other than a complete jackass.
I just like the people that think they run this game because they shoot at other peoples' ships.
Yeah that's real cool, mad gangsta but meanwhile there are people tugging at the economic strings and you're buying your ships and bullets from someone.

Men rated a woman shown in photographs as more sexually attractive if she was wearing red clothing or if she was shown in an image framed by a red border rather than some other color, U.S. researchers said on Tuesday.

How dumb are these men?
Same chick, two different outfits and they were fooled by it?
Am I the only person that would look at the photos and say "yeah it's the same person. Go ahead and frame that anyway you want but it's not going to alter my opinion."
Note the word choice isn't "hotter" it's "sexually attractive" as in she's somehow physically better in red--
no don't get it.

I’d like to take this opportunity to put it on record that I have a serious girl crush on Sarah Palin.  Her speech was wonderful, her jabs at Obama were delivered with a smile, and her family is adorable.

This is what Americans actually believe.

“The Department of Health and Human Services is reviewing a draft regulation that would deny federal funding to any hospital, clinic, health plan or other entity that does not accommodate employees who want to opt out of participating in care that runs counter to their personal convictions, including providing birth-control pills, IUDs and the Plan B emergency contraceptive.”

Hippocratic Oath should take precedence over any petty moral obligation you think you have.
Swearing to be a doctor is basically making a promise to ONE OF THE TRUE GODS: Apollo.
That means none of this bullshit.

Clearly, the battle lines have been drawn around contraception – no one is objecting to participating in cancer treatment here.  I’m sure that this is a question we’ll see over and over again, as it is based on a fundamental question of where our individual rights begin and end, and which kind of rights take precedence.

Once you promise to do no harm your right to object to certain things ends.
Some pregnancies are dangerous to carry to term and will end up killing both the mother and the child.
There is no sense in ending that in death for both parties because of what some book written in the bronze age doesn't say.

One could argue that forcing a doctor to help a patient find someone who will perform a treatment is still forcing them to violate their conscience.  To which I would respond that no one forced the individual to become a health care worker.  They knew when entering the field what would be expected of them, so they should either chose a new profession or submit to what their job requires of them. 

Exactly.
Thank you, blogger.
We agree on this.
I'm agreeing with a cunt on Blogger.
Plz help.
Here she links an article called the Economics of Vengeance--
Wait, why am I reviewing this blog?
This looks like an article I'd link.

What Mr. Mocan found most surprising was that women turned out to be more vengeful than men. If a woman had been a victim of burglary, she was 10 percent more likely to impose a prison sentence; for men the figure was 5 percent.

Show me a bitch that's half as vengeful as me.

Edward Glaeser, an economist at Harvard who has tried to explain group hatred in terms of political economy, has written that “an economist’s definition of hatred is the willingness to pay a price to inflict harm on others.” In healthy economies, he argues, the cost is higher, and the demand for hatred and vengeance drops. 

Can one really put a price on inflicting harm on your hated foe?
That's like the laughter of a child or the embrace of a loved one. You can't really put a quantity on that.

She is skeptical of the economic approach. “How do you quantify shame?” she asked. Often “punishment is irrelevant,” she said, which is why families often still want to take revenge even if the perpetrator is jailed. “It’s not about inflicting pain, it’s about honor.”

Someone needs to look up the etymology of revenge if you think it has anything at all to do with honor.
The word revenge, like vengeance, comes from the Latin root vindicare, which means to vindicate, and vindicate means to set right.
Proper revenge is like karma. It's setting the books right.
Oh right. Blogs.
Nope, I'm done with this bullshit.
Goodbye.