ARE YOU INSANE LIKE MY FFXIV CHARACTER?

What's wrong with this bitch anyway?
First her profile picture changes to this without my say so:
SOOOO RANDUM xD WITH THE EGG ON YOUR HEAD
and then her armor looks like this:
I dunno I think if this were a bint on Livejournal I'd be getting angry right now.
I guess I cut her a lot of slack because she can shoot fire out of her hands.
Listen up, cunts of Livejournal: when you can do that I will stop making fun of you.
So today's writer's ('s's's's's's's's) block is this gem:

What song reminds you of the happiest times in your life, and why?

I was anticipating (word you hear more often in education than any other. WHAT ARE YOU ANTICIPATING? ARE YOU ANTICIPATING... NO FUCK OFF) three varieties of answer:
1. kawaii animu song 3 people have heard
2. I HAVE NO HAPPY TIMES IN MY LIFE SO IT'S ALL LINKIN PARK FROM HERE
3. Shit recorded last week with the token "I LOOOOVE KESHA XD"
I will leave it as an exercise to the reader to guess which two responses never really materialized like I expected.
Oh, before I forget my funny (massive sarcasm quotes around funny) thought involving anticipation:
anticipation is a skill you don't want because in Pokemon it is like the shittiest ability there is.
I can only think of one Pokemon off the top of my head that even gets anticipation (Toxicroak) and his other ability, dry skin, is 50x better. I think he also gets poison heal now so who in their right fucking mind would pick anticipation?
HURRRRR ANTICIPATE SUPER EFFECTIVE MOVES BECAUSE NO ONE CAN HUMANLY GUESS WHY YOU'D SWITCH INTO A PSYCHIC TYPE ON A POISON/FIGHTING
(psychic moves would be 4x super effective for those of you woefully ignorant of Pokemon)
Oh right, blogs:

Ain't No Holla Back Girl - Gwen Stefani. because that is probably the last time me and my closest girls were all together in a group having fun before we were separated by fights or because they are now married or with kids.

:|
The fact you are allowed to like Holla Back Girl and reproduce shows there is no justice.

Do you think video games will still be popular in 15 years? How do you think they'll change?

That shit isn't lasting. Were they popular 15 years ago?
I think not.
Oh wait yes they were.
Everyone excited for L.A. Noire speaking of? So far everything I've read suggests this game is going to be fucking rad.

Yes definitely. Maybe you will be able to walk inside your tv in a virtual world,I guess that already exists,but I mean at home with your own consoles. They have already started to change. For example, a few years back when the nintendo ds was released,it was only grey,and I bought it. Then I got jealous because the different colored ones were released after I had already bought mine.

This is like 18 levels of retarded.
Walk inside your TV? Are you fucking dense?
And yes, the color of your DS is the important part. Not, you know, the specifications and technology powering it.
Not that the DS now, the 3DS, is 3D without the need of 3D glasses. The fact it comes in "kawaii pinku ^_____^" is the important thing to note.

Now,today,I am EXTREMELY JEALOUS because now they are making them,not only in different colors,but capable of 3d images! I guess I should have waited to buy mine lol but how did I know what the future held? grr.

Jesus Christ.

I went out to the Wally World saw someone I gradumacated with,lol scared that one away with the tootsie roll LOL!

LOL
Whoa just gagged a little reading this.

He's engaged now I think. Aww good for him! yay! I was there buying my healthy stuff,bananas,juice,and stuff for my friend who is having a little girl because I decided she needed one more thing and an actual card not just a printed out one.

AWWWWW YAY I hate people.

Alright so I am getting ready to go to sleep and out of nowhere yeah guess who,so I looked at it half the night but what else do you say,and why does it always have to be me who says something,and then I had a dream guess who was away again,and this morning yep waldo was gone again. I wonder if it's because I blocked that,but I don't want to see their conversations to each other if they are still together because it hurts.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING?

Last night I had the jitters and stress and had this burning feeling and so today I still felt it,and when I woke up I had some pink in my eye. My back and neck were red and still burning so I called one of my close friends mothers,and she thought my eye looked fine but saw the red on my neck even after I stopped picking at it.

I hope it's fatal, whatever it is.

What name would you give to your car or bicycle, and why?

I already told you people. Brain Wounder.
I'm thinking now "Bane of Kings" would be a better name just in case the royal family decides to stop by.

If your best friend picked dare over truth, what would you dare them to do, and why?

I dare you to stop being a cunt by playing truth or dare, son.

Something lame like I dare you to go talk to that guy you think is cute or something like that lol

LOL HO-LEEEEEEEE SHIT.
Ha, my grade was just posted for this student teaching thing.
Quality Points: 128/48
After the bullshit I put up with I should be getting more weight than humanly possible to that A.
Does this mean I graduate with high honor because by my calculations that means that A counts for about 12 classes?
HOW THE SHIT DOES THIS EVEN WORK?
It's my understanding that "quality points" are to prevent you from padding your grade with underwater basket weaving 101 and shit but 12 should be the theoretical max for a class and because student teaching is 12 credit hours it equals 48 so how did I end up with 128 points?
Ah, according to my calculations (which I'm sure are real authoritative) I'll be graduating with honors.
FOR HONOR.
Well hoo-ray for me.

So I decide I will leave a little early and thank God I did because there was a detour. I never thought I would make it there on time,but I was actually ten minutes early lol.

Yes, back on topic.
Detours.
Although I might argue I was on topic before. Dumb boring bullshit to dumb boring bullshit.

What was the first video or computer game you ever played? Did you love it or hate it, and why?

Oh, something interesting.
Mario World for the SNES. I thought beating Donut Plains 1 was the greatest human achievement ever.
Then came Donut Plains 2.
Then much later I beat half the game in a sitting and marveled at how I became Alexander the Great. No more worlds to conquer.

First video game would have been the nintendo cartridge that came with both Super Mario Bros & Duck Hunt . I loved both. Good times sitting on my uncle's floor and he would laugh at me because I would just fly right through the level to get to the flag on the one and wouldn't bother stopping for coins,to go down tubes,or to stomp any goombas lol.

lol great story
So did you know there's a combined Mario All-Stars/Mario World cart?
Supposedly it's pretty rare now.

Also, Math Crunchers I think it was called,and had frogs or something,that was all way back in the day, first or second grade,apple computer,long before the pcs I operate today existed.

NUMBER MUNCHERS HELL YEAH
also:
>before PCs existed
>Apple II
>before PCs
>Apple II
Why
Oh right I forgot Apple separated themselves from PCs even though a Mac is by definition a PC.
Welp.
Oh God well my FFXIV game just heated up as an Arcanist just walked by me and cast some sparkly butthole spell and started spewing shit about the end of the world.
SE is really going overboard hyping this patch.
GMs controlling NPCs that are jobs you can't even pick yet to interact with players. That is some emergent story telling.

Can't see shit

Today's blog resembles a cave.
Can't see shit. Everything has that weird fade quality to it. If text happens to scroll over that dumb flower in the background I'm literally blind. I always love having to pick around for the text. Straight, easy readings are for pussies.

It's been four years. Four years since we've spoken. And then one night I call you out of the blue. Because I found a mixtape. I hope you're reading this again, because if this is a novel, it'll be a lot easier in small doses.

If this is a novel I'm putting it back.

Come to think of it it's been about four years since I had a ritual for new music. Open the package, read the lyrics on the way home, listen & read, listen & sing. All of this occupied the period of several hours and was (come to think of it *ahem*) a very spiritual experience for me.

Well your music list is shit, containing such award winners as Tool and Korn, so fuck you and your taste in music. Melodramatic ass.

I called you because I found a mixtape. For your ex-boyfriend who died recorded on the other side of the first (only?) cassette you ever made me. I haven't even seen a picture of you in over 2 years until that night.

Is this going somewhere or am I missing something? After skimming through the hugely long post, No. No it doesn't.
That's five minutes of my life I will never have back.

I woke up this morning with the realization that it may not be.

What may not be?

That genuinely frightened me and for a second the finality of death rushed over me again.

Oh Christ here we go again.

He was so in love with you, y'know. He told us both over and over again that no one would ever be able to love with the purity that he had loved you, and in ironic circumstance fate didn't give him the opportunity to be wrong.

Us or you or-- who is the audience for this? I guess it's like she (?) is writing to herself, about herself. Which if you ask me only confuses an already very confusing blog further.

He's in me now.

Tee hee

I know it. And if he's crammed in here with Mary, and Tim, and George Carlin, at least he's making good conversation.

ho ho ho where is this? Sounds pretty full up there in your ass or wherever this is.
Then some more melodrama and cryptic bullshit that I'm not reading followed by a poem that's seven stanzas too long.
More poetry.
More poetry.
Ah-- let's read that last poem. Why not?

My banana rama killed your pajama
You were the egg man I was the walrus

Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon. The darker one on ABC. That's what this reminds me of.
This furthers my theory that all poems are paragraphs with random breaks in sentences. It goes on from there but it's really, really not worth reading.

So this is the part where I finally kick my journal in the ass because I finally am miserable enough to do so. Misery isn't the word, it's just a running theme in this place. Somehow all of the glorious and beautiful moments in my life go unrecorded, whereas I find myself scrawling the most when I have those horrible itchy rotten feelings in the bottom of my gut.

Sounds like you need some Summer's Eve.

I am actually leading a very happy life.

You could have fooled me.

I did a tarot reading last night about you and Katie, (where you are, if you left intentionally, etc. etc.) I usually don't do readings without permission, but considering the circumstances I thought it was appropriate.

... Really? Tarot isn't a mystical practice. You did know that, right? They don't predict the future. You're supposed to do it, then read what it tells you, then you're supposed to feel better about yourself.
I'm fairly certain no one ever pretended they divined the future. Well, street performers did to fool children and stupids out of their money, but that's different.

Everyone keeps saying that the two of you probably ran off for some adventure; That's what the cards suggested.

I know all of the Tarot cards and can't think of any that suggest "adventure" outside of The Fool and The Magician, but that's more a quest than an adventure. See if you line the major arcana up in order it's the cycle of a life, and each suggests an impasse or a stage of being. Take The Fool, being in position 0 in the major arcana. Then he becomes The Magician, because he gained knowledge. See, then it passes through each until he's The Hermit, old and wizened. For all major considerations, consider 0-9 the transition of one individual, then 10-19 a similar, albeit large-scope transition. That's all that is. It's not some MYSTICAL SCIENCE.

I don't know. I'm more afraid that your dead.

You know the Death card doesn't mean literal death, right? Well whatever.

Or that something awful is happening. I wish you would send word soon. I sent myself a copy of the e-mail I sent you, a way to log how long you've been missing. I might delete or archive it though, seeing it makes my stomach churn in horrible unspeakable fashions. It doesn't help that I haven't even chipped the iceberg that I wanted to share with you. Every single second I am afraid, and sad, because the idea of you not saying ANYTHING to anyone doesn't sound right. But maybe I'm wrong. I would like to think that you'd at least shoot me another gonecrazybebacksoon. I can't really concentrate on anything else. The twilight zone factor of it all is just too difficult.

Good Christ all from your little Tarot deck you bought from the Borders? If it's going to do that to you put that thing away.

I just wish I knew where you were. Or why. Or when. Here's the real irony; it's one way to insure that you'll get a novel from me. Don't be dead though. If either one of you ends up dead I'll be mad. Not at you, absolutely blind crazy fucking mad.

Maybe I've sunk further into spelling nonsense, but to me "insure" implies measures taken beforehand, like insurance. Ensure, however, is a guarantee. Maybe that's just me. Further, what you describe isn't ironic. It isn't even a coincidence. Hell, it isn't even a coherent thought. Why would one of them dying ensure (insure, whatever) you'll write a novel?
Now she (I'm positive this is a woman now) is going on and on about... Something. I think it's about disappointment or some shit like that, but it's so wrapped up in what I can only describe as a personal myth that it's basically meaningless to anything not residing in her fucking nutty head.
I will admit, though, it is well written. It even has that "edge of interesting" feel to it that I so often got from the books I had to read in school. I'm sure this is a sentiment many can relate to: the book could have been really good and interesting if it didn't have its head so far up its own ass.

I have started talking to my biological father again. The first step in studying psychology is realizing that crazy people are crazy.

When I took the first step of psychology I learned the definition of crazy before I tried to willy-nilly apply it to people.
Let me see if I still have that textbook newness to my psychology knowledge and diagnose you.

Of my plethora of psychological problems the one thing that I wish to rid myself of forever is the sickening feeling that engulfs me when I have done wrong. Every social mis-step, every horrible decision, and essentially any time I have a reason to feel that I have made a complete ass of myself; the history of every mistake I have made washes over me in waves of horrible regret.

I'd say you have a pathological desire to martyr yourself. For what I'm not sure. You seem to loooove playing the victim.
You seem overly concerned with yourself. Every social "mis-step" is more about what you did wrong than how it affected other people. I don't think you lack empathy, though. I think, based on the tone of this journal, you try to disassociate yourself from the situation by treating your empathy as a third party observer, and it's looking back at you.
I'd also say you project a little (understatement) hard.

Imagine if every wretched or even mildly unpleasant experience in your life crowded into every corner of your mind. You're re-living them all. All at the same time.

Err I do. Most people do. You just have to toughen up, though. Remember no one remembers anything even a quarter as long as you do. It goes back to that whole personal myth thing I mentioned earlier: what seems crushingly important to you most likely won't be important to other people, because it more than likely only seemed important to you at the time. So while you carry these feelings of guilt and regret no one else remembers because they're so wrapped up in their own personal fable.
Your entire being seems devoted to fantasy and mythology, too. I can recognize this so well because it reminds me of me.
But while my interest has long since been academic, I'd say you are using it as a defensive mechanism. The tarot cards, the way you perceive your own life, finding any parallels?

When I was fourteen that feeling would leave me gasping between panic attacks. At times it would overwhelm me so severely I could only cower in the corner (or bed, or shower) for days. This was what drove me to self-mutilation.

Yeah I was just getting to that. You also seem to have a panic disorder. I'd tell you I can help, but I'm pretty sure you have to want to help yourself first, and I'm not sure you do.
There. I think that about sums it up.
I THINK I STILL HAVE IT.
So in conclusion, to not be like this blog:
MELODRAMA. TOO MUCH OF IT.
Try not to be so crazy. That can be really hard I understand, but try to put a manic spin instead of a depressive spin on it. That at least makes people feel better, or at least inquisitive.
Change your background. Can't see a goddamn thing.