Oh shit

I thought Monday was Sunday so I missed that update.
Thanks Obama.
So this is some teacher's blog--
because, you know, dealing with asshole 9th graders (they're not people until after Christmas) all day and I didn't get my fill of school drama.

 They've pushed us back again.  We're NOT going to work tomorrow. Again.  Still.

I can't WAIT to see how much of our fall/winter/spring break and various holidays they're going to end up taking from us as compensation.

This is so much fun!

Fucking idiots.

WEY HEY HUE HUE HUA HUE

I seriously sent our staff into a tizzy today because I had the gall to ask, "So last year the head of the network came to one of our meetings and said, 'for every day the construction company was late delivering the building, we cut $10,000 off what we're paying them.'  We're several days late already, so what are they doing with that money?"  Believe me, we had a few ideas for how we could put it to good use.  Co-teacher AP and I want SmartBoards in a huge way. ;)  Basically we were told that since campuses 7 and 8 are in our building too, that the money would be used to pay down the deficit any campus runs at until they're at full capacity.

Fuck that.  I want a SmartBoard. :p

OH AND!  My room loses six feet off the back for a storage closet.  That I don't actually get to use.  So my room is smaller than any other.Fuck that too.

Lol smartboards. What a racket.
"Can I use the smartboard?"
"NO YOU'RE NOT TRAINED TO USE IT."
It's a fucking computer. What's the worst that could happen?
And so no one uses it because of that.
No one is trained to use the incredibly simple point and click interface.

my printer ran out of yellow ink half way through a 30 page color document.  Changing the ink cartridges in my printer is a PAIN IN THE ASS, since I can't reach up to see what the fuck I'm doing and I have to climb on furniture like a damn acrobat.

OH MY GOD TEACHING RIGHT

Okay, all *I* may need is my ferrets, my Mac and fanfic, but my students need iPads. We have the most dilapidated, old, junky netbooks in the world. And as a charter school, my kids are not any part of that CPS iPad program.

They need iPads?
Can't they use a pencil and a paper?

I got the most adorable lecture today.  I was alone in my room while my middle schoolers were in gym.  A first grader was given the task of bringing myself and my co-teacher some of the extra Italian Ices from her class'  party that they won for having the most 'caught being good' awards.

 

I congratulated her on her grade being so good that they won the award and she asked me if my students won.  I said, "No, the sixth graders didn't win.  They talk too much."

 

I was told, in an incredibly authoritative voice, "You have to *make* them not talk."

You're kinda talking down to her with "most adorable" but she's pretty much right.

Better watch yourself. She'll have your job in a few years.

I didn't get hired by the middle school principal.  Apparently almost no one already in-network did.

Yeah I know tell me about it.

The school that was dead serious about hiring me didn't even call me back.
Then the one that was ehhh on the fence called me the minute after I submitted my application for an interview.

I didn't get that either but at least I interviewed.

Fucking schools, man.

They're like white wahms. No telling how shit goes.

Logi's got 6 to 8 months left, even with the new, $100/month, human medicine he's on.  He crashes almost daily now.

Time to let the dog go, lady.

Let the animal expire with some dignity.

He probably came from a long line of warhounds or something. 

In fact time for our weekly "this is how kickass Julius Caesar was" lesson.

As Caesar said: you don't die when your life expires. You die when you're forgotten.

And Caesar was so kick ass even his dog is remembered.

Caesar's dog's name?
Negris Alto.

Which is Latin for, I am not even joking, brown girl.

Caesar knew what was up 2040 years before I did.

That's why I never understood in world history when we were reading about Romans and the second he died they deified him and called him Deus Caesar the Christer girl was all "I don't understand how they can worship a man" and the reason should be pretty obvious.

How many guys aspire to be 1% as baller?

So I'm really starting to think that, for sheer entertainment value, there's little as amusing as watching 11 and 12 year olds take sex ed.  From professional people who teach this stuff who aren't me.  I just sit there and say "[student], grow up.  Now."  A lot.  

Yeah I had to sit through that when I spent a week at a middle school.

TEE HEE DICK

"aww come on bro no girl wants a guy that giggles over the word penis"

no more problems after that.

Which is total bullshit because I'm 25 and make giant dick jokes nonstop but he doesn't need to know that.

Co-teacher's classroom management has been *rapidly* spiraling down to ... I don't know, can we give negative scores?  She actually interrupted my social studies lesson today to ask me what to do because one of the girls yelled out, "[Boy-Child-W] is not a girl!"  She was completely and utterly unable to explain to me why A would say this, why pointing out that boy in the class was not a girl was such a major issue that she had to disrupt me, how DC figured into any of this and why it put W into tears.

I had to trot out the old commissar routine today with this one asshole class.
ALL RIGHT YOU'RE ALL YELLING AND NOT WORKING SO WHO IS GOING TO BE MY SACRIFICIAL LAMB TO GO OUT OF THE ROOM (big shit)?

I WANTED TO BE THE NICE GUY BUT YOU GUYS WANT TO GO CRAZY?
LET'S GO NUTS.

And you have to phrase shit like that because they don't understand what being civil means.

It didn't work that well, frankly.

There's like a 50/50 shot and I usually don't like to let things spiral that far out of control but substitute, 9th grade, second week of school, teacher hasn't been back since the long break--

fuck it it's a miracle no one died.

 So we're reading a book in class today wherein a character who is very, very quiet and has been abused, so is very skiddish and such, jumps up and does something heroic.

When we get done with read aloud we have something called a 'thumbs up' discussion.  When I get done reading the kids who have something to say put their thumbs up, I call on someone, they speak and then they call on someone who has their thumb up, etc... I can sit back and let them talk to each other about the book.

Yeah this is real life. Kids never learned how to raise their hands.

I'm not even kidding. This is the reality of schooling in 2013.

Weirdest Day Ever.

Let's compare my weirdest day ever teaching with your weirdest day ever teaching.

We're discussing Harrison Burgeron (the Vonnegot story) today and breaking down why the dancers would have to wear bags of birdshot and masks.  I ask 'What kind of people do we usually see as dancers?"

Answer?

"Strippers!"

*SIGH*  Welcome to middle school.

I had a kid come in high on PCP and start lobbing desks at the wall.
That's not even the weirdest shit.

It's been bugging me for several weeks that there's been a local political ad where someone thought they were being clever, but instead were just showing off that they don't listen to what they say.  The ad ended with:

"[Political Candidate] won't show us his tax returns while raising yours."

And I'm not being coy about whose ad it is - I honestly don't remember.  All I walked away with was, "You want to take my 1040 and hold it over your head... what???"

Actually if we're talking about it from a purely split infinitive standpoint it's saying he won't show you his taxes while he's raising yours over his head.
Any other time is fine, presumably.

My cousins and me were at the park with my uncle.  He told us we had to stay together.

"Yes Uncle!"  We all said that in a unicycle.  Then we went to look at the flower house.




I'm going to crack up every time I see that kid tomorrow.

0/10 get the fuck out of my classroom
you're fucking expelled.
Anyway fuck blogs I got shit to do.