Forward On

I often joke that I find these blogs quickly. Like Dante, Homer or John Milton claiming this shit came to them in a dream to make it seem like they're more talented than they are, I often in reality spend upwards of an hour before writing looking for a blog to review.
Oh no, pulling back the curtain.
But in all seriousness, I found this blog immediately.
Also, unlike Dante, Homer or John Milton I don't end up with a classic at the end of it. I feel vaguely ashamed to be associated with these bloggers, even if it is to make fun of them.

I got my Genographic profile in today. I'm going to have to study it to figure out what all it means. The graphics are pretty straightforward, though. Although my family's migration pattern doesn't verify my ancestoral memory (the resolution is nearly tight enough for that) it certainly supports it, meaning, my people were at the right places so that the things I remember could easily have happened.

I've always wondered why Americans are so interested in their ancestry. Your ancestors moved to America so they probably weren't winners in their own country. They were probably escaping religious persecution, were refugees of another sort or were otherwise poor or lower class, or possibly slaves.
In fact, it's best to leave the mystery. My ultimate ancestors were Italian which means I could be related to some sort of badass in the Roman Empire like a Legatus or Pontifex Maximus.
IT COULD HAPPEN.
But if I pay a ton of cash to find out I'm related to a dockworker then that sort of removes all doubt.

One thing, though, it doesn't show my family passing through Greece but if my memory is correct, that was a small, migrating splinter that formed my thread of the family. Also, I've always wondered why I have memories of later (Medieval) Eastern Europe if my family was occupied with southern Europe and Western Europe.

...
I thought when he said "ancestral memory" he was referring to a relatively obscure concept in epic poetry, that is, a group of people have a long history of doing something and it kind of influences the disposition of future generations.
For instance, in Sir Gawain and the Green Knight it mentions how the ancestors of England were refugees of the Trojan war and so their people have a racial memory of being great warriors.
Of course, the Trojans lost that war so one wonders where they get the idea that they're great warriors but that's not important. This yahoo apparently literally thinks he has the memories of his ancestors.
Or her, actually. This does seem more like a woman's concern.

This map has my family moving through Eastern Europe, so, perhaps two threads remerged later.

Nevertheless, I may end up presenting the Genographic information, the traditional family story as I remember it, and the things that I do remember.

I'm excited to have not been blown out of the water, though.

Hint: your last name is probably an indication of your ethnicity.

Who is your favorite 80’s moviestar?

Today's writer's block. The results were about as expected. Most people weren't alive in the 80s and therefore don't have a favorite movie star.

Anthony Hopkins.

Silence of the Lambs was 1991.
I know he was around before then but no one cares about anything he's done before or since.

What are you skeptical about? (religion, ghosts, Toddlers and Tiaras, etc.)

I am the most trusting person ever.
Oh, I'm skeptical about your visions of the past, woman.

Why, I'm skeptical about everything. I believe that very few of what people call paranormal (ghosts, magic, shamanism (and I'm a shaman), etc.) is actually paranormal. But I'm not a cynic, so I'm open to consider things honestly.

Oh, but what you experience really is paranormal.
You know I had a dream once that I was one of my ancestors but I didn't wake up going WOW THAT MUST HAVE REALLY HAPPENED because that implies all the other dreams I've had have a chance of being reality too and I've dreamed I was a Space Marine before.
But then I wake up and no dice.

From what I've seen on the Internet, most Internet skeptics are actually not skeptics - they're cynics.

Oh okay then I'm not a skeptic.
I fully admit to the charge of cynicism.

Skeptics are seekers. They're not willing to accept everybody else's answer to a question and they're not willing to stick with the first "obvious" answer - they want to test everything and they know that a lot of answers that very much seem correct fall apart on close scrutiny. The difference between skeptics and cynics is that skeptics are open minded - if they're not comfortable with an answer, they keep looking. Cynics are close minded - they think they already have the answer.

That's not true. I'm just willing to admit I don't have the answer and you don't have the answer as much as I don't.
That is, you're full of shit but I'd rather be full of my own shit than yours.
Is that closed-minded? I guess it is.
Fuck off, anyway.

What's worse: a pit of snakes or a pit of spiders?

Remember this shit?
Oh how I didn't miss it.

Uh......what's wrong with snakes?

What's wrong with spiders?
Just answer the question, dipshit.
That's just great. I guess the implication is snakes are important symbols in SORCERY and this person considers herself a sorceress (shaman, what the fuck ever) but spiders are also important symbols in sorcery so this woman is just full of bullshit.

Dystopia - it's the opposite of eutopia. Science fictions like Blade Runner and Mad Max are called "dystopic" because quality of life in those fictional worlds is so poor.

I hate when post-apocalyptic stories are counted as dystopia. Granted it would suck to live in either but to me dystopia is specifically oppression in a controlled situation, while the post-apocalypse the world has ended and people have regressed to barbarism It's oppression with no control. The morals of each story are ultimately different. Most dystopias conclude with either the high price of society, how we have to keep a reign on our governments or they'll start oppressing us or we haven't escaped our baser instincts despite our cultivation and civilization.
The moral of a post-apocalyptic story is often the reverse: despite our primitive state we have to keep track of what makes us human or we'll lose it, or what set is apart from the beast was our civilization.
Why do you think so many post-apocalypse stories start out as a utopia?
Forget it, Jesus.
Even the story of Warhammer started out with an implicit utopia being the end result of all the bad shit that happened. The grimdark stems from the utopia never happening.
You people need to leave the definitions up to me. Clearly I'm the only person that understands half of this shit.

Nothing works right. Businesses are out to get what they can regardless of the damage they do to customers, Banks don't care.

That's what business do. They exist to make money.

Utilities are so expensive that nobody can afford to live. People just sorta wander through their lives like cattle.......wait a second. That's not fiction.

Yes, truly my life is as horrific as what is depicted in Soylent Green or The Road Warrior.

But in a dystopic society, the key to surviving is networking - large extended families and close relationships between people who can rely on each other.

If there's any sort of hope of a better future the writer has failed to do his job. Dystopias are supposed to be crushingly oppressive with no hope or redemption at the end.

But the Cult of Individuality is as strong as ever. We're......like.......cooked.

Cult if Individuality, right.

Well, in the past years I have worked a lot with the mainstream community - Boy Scouts, the church, Citizens Against Violence, the Christian Motorcyclists Association, Easter Seals, the Department of Human Resources, etc. Now my focus is tightening up on the Therian community.

The what?
Also, Boy Scouts: this must be a man.
Greaaaaaaaaat.

I don't think so. I believe that by serving the Therian community, I serve the larger human community because the Therian community is a key element in the well-being of humanity.

Key element that I've never even heard of. What the fuck is this?
The only word I know that's close to Therian is Therion, and that's Greek for an animal.
Implied mammalian animal, that is.
Are you a furry?
According to Wikipedia:

A therian may also be a member of the contemporary subculture of therianthropy, which is based on a spiritual and/or psychological identification with animals.

FURRRRRRY.

The human race is an organism which exhibits homeostasis - it adapts to it's environment automatically. When there is a deficit, it begins opening up defense mechanisms. I don't think Therians existed, per se, between the 15th and the 19th centuries. I think they're people with a certain genetic component that is being triggered into expression by the environment. It answers some needs of the larger human community.

But humans are animals right now, dipshit. It's kind of a misnomer to say humans "evolved from" apes because we currently are apes.
It's an unpleasant thought for most people but that seems to be the reality of it.

What deficits do the Therian community address?

The need for wildness in the human community.
The need for reconnection with nature.
The need to be able to deal with chaotic processes inherent in nature.

The fuck are you talking about you nutball?

So I dearly want to see a thriving, established Therian community in my life time because I believe it's a cog that has fallen out of the human "machine" and it badly needs to be returned to it's place.

The only cog I see that needs replacing is the loose one in your fucking head you weirdo.

I'm not a reincarnationist but I've pleny of experience with multiple lives. I think I've gone through about seven of them since my last physical birth. For instance, I'm a drastically different person from who I was in high school. Back then I was rather spineless and was, therefore, mistreated terribly. When I started to college, I took the move as an opportunity to redefine myself.

No, dipshit, those are called changes.
MY PAST LIFE YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS A COMPLETE FAG-- Jesus.
No, dude, I think you're still there.

I also used it to loose some of the masks I had been wearing since childhood. I adapted very well to the life of a offshore pipeliner the two years I worked as a welder helper on the M355. That was a different person than this vocational evaluator.

Having known for a long time that I was a Werewolf, I never suspected that there were others like me - that was another drastic life event.

Having known for a long time I was a fucking furry faggot--

The good thing is that I think the Therian community is morphing in the same directions. They've passed from an "Internet phenomenon" to a real life meet-up event and now seem to be settling down into connected semistable constellations and small communities. That warms my heart.

It's not a fetish it's a lifestyle, okay.
Wanting to fuck dudes in teddy bear suits is completely a lifestyle choice. I feel like I'm a bear deep in my being.
It's as legitimate as being gay.
Seriously, my gay friends, listen to me: you really need to distance yourselves from furries.

I look forward to retirement (I hope my job survives me to that point). I intend to drop all pretense and become what I am - a Werewolf.

I am literally an Imperial Fists Space Marine.
Oh but why am I still on Holy Terra my crusade needs me. :(
Hey wait I call bullshit even more. Terra is only nominally the Imperial Fists' homeworld. In reality they're based entirely around the chapter fleet and the Phalanx especially.
Ohhh boy this blog continues on his website.
Dare I venture further into crazy land?
No I feel that's enough for one day because a cursory scan of his website reveals it's all boring nonsense.
Oh well, next Monday~

No vengeance can compare to the vengeance of the dead

Ready to read about some boozy broad's quest to get laid?
Me neither, but alas, that is the objective today.
The blog's title is "Mo's Journey to Empowerment & Finding Mr.Right" and "Mo" is short for Morgan. I do love being on a first name basis with these bloggers but my hatred for the name Morgan might be compared to the baleful energy of a dying sun, so I think I will rename you something not douchey.
Let's see--
As unworthy as you are, I will rename you Martha.
Be judged.

Where is one new place you’d like to visit?

Japan or Greece are my 1 and 2 options as I believe I said in a previous entry.
Now I managed an entire sentence response to this question, half of which was entirely unnecessary-- you didn't really need to know I already answered this, though I do believe this writer's block has about run its course now.
So if I find one sentence more than sufficient to answer this question, I'm sure you can imagine my surprise at her answer being two sizable (and I do mean sizable) paragraphs.

In May 2010 I had my first experience of discovering the world on San Salvador Island, Bahamas. This is what Columbus and I have in common, because I stepped on the same land as he had in 1492. My first plane ride,my first time snorkeling, swimming in ocean where I could see my toes... my first time being a foreigner in another country. At that moment, I knew what it was like to feel lonely, to feel like an alien, to not be able to relate to people, the food being different, to really appreciate the differences that the world has to offer me.

So already we're like eighteen sentences in and a relevant thought to this question is not in sight.
The question, I do believe, asked for somewhere NEW. As in, somewhere you haven't been. You've evidently been to San Salvador Island, so do you care to, I don't know, answer the fucking question?

I realized I did not know much at all about the world or its people...and that I was hungry to know hershey, which means everything in Turkish.

Martha, are you serious? Am I really getting Turkish lessons in a writer's block?

This became my dream, to meet and learn from all of the people that I could, and to always show them all the kindness that I could possess in return.

Oh, really? My dream is the death of all Livejournal users from a horrific wasting illness.
It's a humble dream.

In January 2011, I was in a troubled part of my life. I was feeling disconnected from everyone around me. I had found out my bf had been cheating on me, and I had just started at a new, bigger college campus.

Martha, come on. Help me out here.

I was putting the final payment down for my trip to China when I met this boy. He was eavesdropping on my conversation to the Study Abroad office clerk over hearing me speak about going to China. He got my attention and mentioned how awesome it was that I was going to China. He was an attractive guy, and his accent caught me a little off guard. I asked him where he was from, and was very surprised when he stated he was from Venezuela.

Following my plan in reverse.
Instead of traveling to the third world to get a brown girl to bring back, he decided to plop down in the first world to find a white girl.
Well the Buddha did say there were as many paths to enlightenment as there men that walketh on the earth but I can't help but feel your path leads straight to eternal damnation.
One might wonder how I can reconcile a belief in Buddhism with eternal damnation and rest assured, the answer is I don't believe in either thing.

I went along my way, and bought myself some lunch. I was surprised to see Juan sitting by himself at a table. I invited him over to sit with me, and within 10 minutes found myself surrounded by a dozen other foreign exchange students from all around the world. I had an amazing time.

I found myself hanging with the Arab exchange students from time to time when I was in college.
I think because I have a manly beard they felt some sort of misplaced kinship with me.

All of the students were so friendly, I felt like I had known them all for years after only 30 minutes!

Then I found out there were no brown girls in their midst.

I left that day with an impression that changed my life, I no longer saw them as a possible awkward situation or possibly angry people, I saw them as people who just needed a friendly smile to invite them to be your friend. I made sure to always be patient when talking to them, and no longer saw them as different. I saw them as just like me & treated them accordingly.

You might be amazed to learn (I was) that this is all the same entry and it ends here and I have left nothing out.
So-- good job talking about something totally fucking irrelevant, I guess.
Here's a post entitled "Boyfriend" and I am already feeling the guttering spark of hatred begin to grow and succor at the wax of douchiness.
... I'm trying to liven up my speech a little in this entry. How am I doing?

Alan: Hey! I'm Alan. How are you doing? :)
Aug 4, 2011 – 9:00am
Me: I am just waking up (been doing so slowly for an hour), and everyday can be a good day if you make it that way right?

No, everyday can't be a good day. Some days are just complete and utter shit. Your worth is determined by how you weather them.

My name is Morgan btw, even though you most likely already knew that one :)
Alan: Good morning sweetie! I hope you have a nice day. Are you on vacation?
Nice to meet you Morgan. Yes, I guessed, you have a nice name :)

You likely knew that one because who doesn't know Martha?

Me:I just got back from vacation in Wildwood, NJ. I am leaving again on the 11th and returning on the 22nd from California. I will be visiting my Father. Thank you! I wrote in my profile how I like to talk to people from different places, and get a good grasp of different cultures. I would love to learn about where you are from, and you as a person. I find that I connect better with people from different countries than my own strangely. Well, I have a busy day ahead of me, I hope you have a good day. If you have facebook, you can contact me through there, my name is Morgan Shults.

Martha Shults.
I checked Facetube but unfortunately there are many Morgan "Martha" Shultses(esseses) and most of those were friend locked so I don't believe there's a picture to be had.

Alan: Why not? You're genuine and kind. We'll have to meet in person! It might also contribute to shorten my adaptation period. Its my first time coming to the USA on the 8th. Can't wait! :) I found and added you on facebook Momo lol Keep in touch ;)
This was our first conversation. It is hard to believe it has been two months since that day.

Christ, Alan. Trying to get into her pants, are you?
I don't think you have to work this hard.

I remember when I first met Alan. I was not the outgoing, fearless, lovable girl I was a year prior. I was damaged. I was shy. and afraid. I could not even look him in the eyes. It took myself a lot of forcing to climb out of my shell. I was so afraid to fall inlove with him.
I am getting less afraid day by day. I am letting myself trust him. He even changed his relationship status on Facebook for me. It showed a lot that he really cares and is serious about me.

Changed his Facebook status!?
I take back everything I said. Clearly he is the one.

Can Laughter Heal Love's Battle Scars?

Oh, fuck. This is triggering such a bizarre series of associations my brain is filling to the brim with fuck.
So there was a Gundam episode titled something cuttingly close to that line and I think it was Gundam 0083.
The theme song to Gundam 0083 was sung by Miki Matsubara who sang a song called Martha.
Miki Matsubara died a few years ago of cancer and yet "Martha" Schulz lives on. Truly, no justice left in the world.

I am at a point where I am confused. I got to know lots of new people this summer, went on a few dates, and still have no idea what I want in a boyfriend.

Yes, sorry. Waxing nostalgic about a pop singer I believe all of ten people have heard of.
A Japanese pop singer popular in (as near as I can tell) the late 70s to mid 80s who hasn't had a relevant hit since then.

Even the word boyfriend seems so foreign to me. I wonder if I can even see myself having a boyfriend. A committed relationship where you must trust the person.

Uh-huh.
Oh, so let me mention something slightly cheerier (and not cancer related). Remember a few entries ago when I said something like "Edie is only one ability named something like 'pentagram soul suck horror' short of being a super villain"?
Well, it's not something as colorful as "pentagram soul suck horror" but I think it'll have to work:


She has to work on her evil laugh. She sounds like someone said something genuinely funny.
MURDEROUS INTENT.
Although the rank 42 lancer ability sounds promising: Twisting Vice.
Did I mention how completely fucked leveling is in this game? So fucked I've gained more levels in the past 3 days than I have in the past 3 months.

I wonder if I will ever feel loved agian. I go out with a guy and I feel shy, and worry. I have known the badside of guys. The anger, the lust, the cntrol, the manipulation... the heart breaks. I want to be adored.

You are unlovable.
Now here's a post entitled "The Coward Who Couldn't Fight His Fears For Love" and I know not everyone thinks this way but to me that's a very serious accusation levied against this guy.
Cowardice, I mean damn.
In fact, it's hard to bring a worse claim against someone.

I met Will on Okcupid. He sent me this message in reply to my profile: “Hey! how are you? I have no idea where Jonestown is lol, but I saw some things we have in common and wanted to message you. My name is William by the way. I also love traveling. I have been to Germany, Mexico, Spain, Hungary and all over the US. My favorite trip ever was when I drove across country. I saw that you wanted to learn Spanish and French? My Spanish is pretty good, but I am really trying to learn German.

I am doomed to die alone because this talk is seriously throwing me right the fuck off. Is this really how people attract each other?

My French is terrible. Oh, and I am terrified of Spiders. I work up in a hostel in Mexico with a tarantula on my bed and have been scared of them ever since.

... So? You're like fifty times larger than it and you easily weigh 200 times what it does. It's probably more afraid of you than you are of it.
Hit the fucking thing with a shoe, Christ.

Message me back if you would like! I hope to hear from you,
Will”

If I ever were so pathetic as to join a dating site I would never message someone else.
If you want to talk to me, start talking.

He seemed friendly enough right? Wrong.

Can't wait for this great story.

We agreed to meet up a week later. I invited him out with my outgoing, spunky, single friends Buttercup & Rocketeer.

Oh boy, Cuntette and her twat friends.
How can one man be so blessed?

We all went out to Bourbon St. & Anthony’s on 2^nd street in Harrisburg. I was about 10 minutes late, because Rocketeer was a little late arriving at my house, and then both girls had to pee immediately upon arriving so we stopped at Anthony’s. I left the girls at Anthony’s & went to meet up with Will for the first time. Immediately I found him a little attractive, because he is 6’3”, and I love tall guys.

Why didn't you pee before you left?
Forget it.

I could tell he was uncomfortable with the scene. I asked if we could go to Anthony’s to where my friends are, and he jumped on the idea.

Is this story going anywhere or is it going to peter out like the other three?
... Why did I ask such a stupid and obvious question?

Will expressed that he had a distaste for how loud the bar was, and wanted to talk in a quieter place. He said he liked Anthony’s. The rest of the night, Will made an effort to try and stay away from the action inside Bourbon. At first he seemed sweet, saying it was nice to meet me, bought us both a beer that I suggested…then things went down hill

Yes, here we go. Don't be mad at the massive blocks of text I have to copy-- I'm sure this will all be worthwhile.
Okay I'm lying.

and He expressed how unopen he was to the idea of meeting my pet arachnids. At the mention of my tarantula tattoo, he almost seemed to turn white lol.

That asshole.
I can't believe that cunt with an admitted phobia of spiders wasn't immediately open to the idea of handling your pet spiders.

Even after giving the speech about how these creatures could cure cancer and how they are going to be endangered, he was not interested in learning anything about them.

Cure cancer?
My dog can smell cancer.
SHE KEEPS SMELLING MY CANCER SPOT OH NO.
Seriously are you full of shit or what? Spiders can cure cancer? How?
Is the medical community aware of this amazing breakthrough?

I was very disappointed that he was not interested in at least trying to get over his fears and meet or at least respect my hobby.

Sounds like he was fine with it. He just didn't take to it with the same zeal you do.
Listen to me Will, okay, you're better off without her. Have I told you about my plan?
You don't need this bitch.

By the end of the night, I think he had enough and I was pretty sure I would never hear from again (which did not bother me too much). Will had a lot of interests. He loved to travel, was going to school, was going to be an officer in the airforce, was a manager at a popular Mexican bar and grill..he had a lot going for him.

Officer in the air force. You clearly have something going on and it's best that you don't waste it with this trash.
Gotta get over your fear of spiders. I mean you can operate multimillion dollar machinery that can move faster than the speed of sound but you let a bug get you down.

The final blow was when I talked about how a kiss can tell you things about a person that nothing else can. He took the hint that I was interested in kissing him, and he immediately said that a kiss would not be happening that night. I took this as a sign that he must not be attracted to me or maybe even interested and I was a little relieved when we went our separate ways.

Watch out, man. That's how you catch the HIV.

Where do I begin? I would have to say that tonight was one of the best nights with a guy in the longest time. How I met him was pretty unexpected. Buttercup and I met up at the Bourbon Street bar, because they had $2 draft Blue Moon which is her fav. I was drunk and asked Buttercup to dare me to do something.

I've spoken to misguided souls who have wondered why they can't attract women like this. My first question is why would you want to?
My second is what do you really expect to have in common with a woman whose driving passion in life seems to be to look good in a bar?
Like take Will, for example. He's going to be an officer in the air force, he has-- I dunno, something going on, or at the very least he's "compassionate" and has career prospects-- what does this woman have?
She might (and I say "might") look like someone you want to fuck. And she likes to hang out in bars.
That's really all I'm getting from her. Oh, and she likes spiders.
I mean is this fucking rocket science? You like books, you try to pick up chicks in Barnes and Noble. Or you join a book club. Holy shit, book clubs are for women so you'd be the only man there for sure.
Or, fuck, you're career-oriented? Go to one of those business seminars and talk the women up there. You're going to have way more in common with her than some floozy barfly.
I mean Will's solution is so obvious I can't believe he needs a guy on the internet to spell it out for him. He can fly a plane-- just do your tour of duty in the air force, become a commercial pilot and fuck the stewardesses.
Or, you know, you probably are going to fly to exotic locales. Locales with brown girls.
That plan is so genius I don't really see a need to deviate strongly from it. It's pretty much the template for romantic success.

She dared me to talk to a cute, extremely tall guy who was playing darts with some friends. I took a deep breath, and made my way over to him in my 5 inch heels which took my forehead to his nose.

See what I mean?

I pulled on the sleeve of his gray dress shirt, and pulled him toward me, and whispered in his ear that I thought he was sexy. He turned to me in a bit of surprise, and said in my ear that he thought I was not bad looking myself. I smiled a cheesy smile, and I felt the immediate butterflies as I looked into his eyes.

Cool it, lady, or I'm going to get a hose.
This story goes on about shit I don't care about.
Oh man, that song I referenced earlier, Martha, just came on.
This entry has officially gone full circle and by sheer coincidence I'm also up to her first entry.
Well, with nothing left to say I think it's time to call it quits. Wednesday it is, then.

Oh good.

I still quit.
But I did find this and decided it needed my attention.
But I still quit.
I think I've quit before.
So 14+ to view, yeah?
Good thing I'm 14 or older. I almost wish I wasn't just so I could say "no, Lievjournal, I cannot view this" and then I wouldn't have to look at two men dressed like women kissing.
Wait, what?
Oh yeah.
This was linked in this blog if you care to click on the first entry and scroll through other images of effeminate Japanese men but I'm pretty sure that's the topper.
Heh, "topper" in a manner of speaking, of course.
I'm not sure is this gay?
Lesbian?
Gay squared is what I'd call it I think.
I'm actually having trouble gathering thoughts currently trying to figure out the gender issues raised by two men kissing while dressed as women.
Best not to think about it.

so those who have me on facebook will know I've finally picked out my outfit for X. it involved trying on half my clothes before realising that the outfit i originally picked out was best. Not the original original one. My second idea one.

I like it and i'm sure i'll have pictures to show you after X.

ANyway I made the RADICAL decision to NOT straighten my hair.

Words.
I'm very proud of myself, incidentally, for not doing the picture comparison of "Japan then versus Japan now" thing that I've done like 15 times.
I think it'd be the most extreme comparison I've ever made.
Oh why not, let's do it for tradition's sake.
Two Japanese men interacting, 1948:
A man about to hit another man with a bottle.
circa 2008:WOW WHAT A DIFFERENCE 60 YEARS MAKES.

I pretty much never go anywhere speical with unstraightened hair. I hate the waves but I think perhaps for this outfit the waves are my ally.

Oh right, you.

Problem is, i hate my hair in my face which happens when i wear it natural so I needed a clip or hairband to tie part back and I foudn the most awesome one in the chemist!

Want to finish out the comparison now?
Do the good ol' US?
America, 1971:
Circa 2011:
Good fucking grief.
I mean, WHAT A DIFFERENCE 40 YEARS MAKES!

Greek myths contains some strange stroies. Just look at the creation of centaurs! First a man has sex with a cloud and then the son of that union has sex with a horse. 0.0

There's more to it than that but that's the gist of it. Just look up Centaurus on wikipedia. Here's i've done it for you.

Yeah that's pretty batshit but the stuff I just posted right above this actually happened.

I'll never EVER be able to look at Centaurs in the same way again!

Or the summon monster Ixion (from final fantasy) for that matter!

Or Ixion--
which is a horse made of lightning in Final Fantasy and a human in Greek mythology.
You've never actually played Final Fantasy or read any Greek writings, have you?
Here's a picture of someone named Gackt.
I think I've commented on Gackt before, actually.
I don't know much about Gackt other than he/she/it sings and was, horrifically, an inspiration for a lot of the later Final Fantasy outfits.
None of the good Final Fantasies though.
At least I think.

You know Emperor Nero may be on to a winning idea when he chopped of his wife's head and gave it to his girlfriend. Isn't that what any mistress wants? The wife out of the picture?

Back when men acted like men.
Wait, no--

1. What is my name?
Heather

2. How old I'm I today?
26 physically. Mentally, far from it!

Mentally you are half that at best.
How the fuck is it I'm younger than you and yet I've never written fanfiction?
Maybe I'm the crazy one.

45. What do I always forget that I have?
A brain. i often forget i'm actually kind of intelligent. Above average anyway. I just feel stupid in comparison to my sister.

Huuuuh.

So the last two days I've had some pretty clear rememberable dreams.

Hey me too.

The first was about meeting a friends boyfriend. It was a case of, I didn't like him but I couldn't actually say anything because he'd done nothing that you can really call bad. Just I didn't like him. Then a bunch of us stayed at this guys house over night and it was really difficult to deal with him.

But then in the morning when he and my friend were in the garden it turns out everyone else hated him too. The relief to find my hatred wasn't irrational was so nice.

Just a dream but the emotions were so real.

I had a dream there was a cow carcass my yard then when I approached it hornets were building a nest in its innards.

Not sure what that's supposed to symbolize outside of "deep mental troubles" but whatever.
6 more hours (and fifteen minutes) and I get this thing called a "day off". Not sure what they are anymore but it seems it's a day when I don't go to work. Don't get hassled by managers formally known as "Hitler", don't have to get up at 6AM.

I wish I had a job where I could spend all day on Livejournal.
Wait no I don't.

Also right now an origanl novel is forming in my brain, i really want to write it but i don't even have time for fanfiction right now.

Origanl.
Ori-gohn-uhl.
It's a shape.

I also got Sims Medieval because I wanted a new computer game to play and al the second hand ones I wanted don't run on windows 7. (I won't risk buying them because the shop doesn't let you return open PC games).

Don't run on Windows 7.
I see.

The game is addictive though. Instead of making families you set up a kingdom and have quests to do.

Hmm.
Sounds kind of fun, actually.
Oh but it's the Sims so it'll be dumb as fuck.

So where to start?

How about Gackt XD

How about entry fucking over?

Oh Man

This blog is shit but I don't even care because for once in about 3 months I don't have to agree I'm 14 or older to read. I guess I had forgotten how awesomely annoying that is but it is nice to be treated like a human being for once.
Of course that said why you'd want to read this ghastly abomination begging for the release of death I have no idea but I've long since given up trying to explain this crap.
Don't let the purple background fool you (or the endless whining) I'm pretty sure this is a man.
I'm not sure why I think that, come to think of it.
... Let's find out, then.

Which comic book character would you like to see on the silver screen? Who would you cast to play the role?

Why all the comic book questions lately?
Oh well. Let me see if I can pull some more obscure comic book heroes from my ass like last time:
Hawk and Dove
Booster Gold
Blue Beetle
Green Arrow
I'm out.

I would love to see Nightwing or Booster Gold on the silver screen.

Oh Nightwing. Good one.
Hadn't thought of that one.
Oh I thought of three more:
Atom Man
The Shining Knight
Red Tornado
Seriously please help me I don't know how I know all this.
I also seem to recall that Nightwing was kind of the Kryptonian answer to Batman.
So he was supposed to be a mix of Superman and Batman which actually sounds like a really bad idea to me.

As for who should be cast as them, I am too unfamiliar with actors to even suggest one.

Booster Gold should definitely be played by a gay porn actor.

I'm selling doujinshi over at my sales journal, here.

Fandoms are as follows: Prince of Tennis, D.Gray-man, Tales of the Abyss, and Gundam Wing.

This is actually where my knowledge of all things begins to fall apart.
I know a doujinshi is a fan comic (which they sell. Somehow. Apparently copyright laws don't exist in Japan) and I was always under the impression they were pornographic in nature but maybe they aren't.
Quite why you'd admit to owning one if they are pornographic I don't know but if there's one thing I've learned it's that people have no shame.

What's the point? Why am I even trying?

The whole job thing's probably not going to work out even if I want it to. My dad clearly doesn't approve of my attempt to get said job, too. Mom just smiles and nods when I talk about trying to get that job, but that really doesn't mean much anymore. She rarely actually pays attention to what I say these days. I just feel like a freeloader when I'm at home.

Isn't it grand?

I put in over fifty job apps last summer, and I didn't receive a single callback. This is the first job offer I've ever had. It's the first time anyone's ever come up to me and asked, "Have you ever considered getting a job here? I need an assistant. You should submit a resume." I just want to help. Is that so bad?

I'm not even going to do the "what are you talking about?" thing. Start explaining yourself when you want to.
I mean I guess the implication is his (?) family is having financial troubles so he wants to help by getting a job but whenever I guess the sensible thing based on evidence presented I'm always dead wrong so I'm completely withholding my guess.

The "get straight As" thing is not going to work out, either, but not because of biology class; it's not going to work out because of my writing class. My writing class. I don't understand why I keep getting such horrible grades on my papers. All I can think of is that it's the assistant grading them, rather than the teacher who seemingly loves my writing style.

Oh yes it must be the assistant's fault and not that you suck at writing.

I just--I'm so upset about this because I have scholarships that fucking depend on straight As. They aren't worth much, but I do like receiving them. Every little bit of funding helps.

Try explaining that to them. I've seen Bs turn into As magically.

I feel sick because of my antibiotics--or maybe because of the three other new medicines they put me on when I went to the doctor earlier this week.

Did I tell you I've been leveling conjurer lately in FFXIV?
What a miserable job that is, Jesus Christ.
You'd think shooting lightning out of your hands like the fucking Emperor from Star Wars would be slightly more effective than punching things in the face but you'd also be dead fucking wrong.
I know Edie is only rank 17 conjurer and 47 pugilist so it's unfair to compare two radically different things but I'm pretty sure rank 17 pugilist is more efficient than rank 17 conjurer.
Fuck I might bet on rank 12 pugilist before rank 17 conjurer.

God, I don't even care. I'm just so tired all the time. I'm not happy unless I see Sarah or Lisa because they're really the only ones I ever see anymore, and they don't even live around here. I want to visit people, but I don't have the gas money. Hell, I'll probably shut my new cell phone off near the end of May just because I really can't afford it if I don't get a job soon.

I mean what do you have to do to damage shit as conjurer?
Cast a spell, wait until it casts, run the risk of it being resisted, rinse and repeat?
And I know you can miss as a melee, I mean, I'm not stupid-- but in the time you cast thunder (yeah the lightning spell is called thunder even though thunder is the sound) and have it resisted you can punch upwards of four times, each of which contain two to three punches, so even if three miss you've still hit nine times.
And the incredible thing is I know several madmen who have conjurer at rank 50.
There are exactly two mage jobs and somehow conjurer is the third best.
I guess thaumaturge stole conjurer's effectiveness because thaumaturge is so awesome it's basically as effective as two jobs.

Seriously, why do I even bother with life? I really just wonder what it would be like if I didn't exist at times. Would my parents be happier? Would my siblings and friends be happier? There would be more food to go around, one less person to take care of.

And the part that slays me is I said I'd take the remaining jobs to rank 20 so that means I have such award winners as conjurer, fisher and marauder to level back to back.
Maybe marauder won't be so bad if I invest in an axe with more than 70 accuracy.
Oh now here's a cut that says "maybe not for the squeamish" and maybe finally something interesting.

My shunt disagrees with Oklahoma's recent weather. Each time a front moves in and brings along the ever-dreaded concoction called snow, I can feel the building pressure in my head, and the busted blood vessels in my eyes and the erratic throb of my heartbeat in my ears are testaments to it. Not to mention that I've had pressure headaches like woah recently. Dislike.

Cool.

All of this constant pressure-relief crap going on with my head has been making me sleep more than I should. It has also caused me to put off all of my homework because I cannot stand to read for long periods of time, even with my reading glasses.

Oh man I wish I had that excuse when I was in college.
"Can't read, head may explode."
Instead it was "this is shit, not reading."
Graduating with honors.

My eyes just ache, and if I concentrate too hard on anything in my field of vision, blood vessels pop. I mean, I can clear that shit up with eye drops, but that effing stings.

I'm sorry did you just say you have a fix but you don't want to use the fix because it stings a little bit?
What are you, six?

Also, even if I suffered the constant abuse of fixing my horribly bloody-looking eyes, I don't think it's good for me to be constantly using eye drops. I'm fairly certain there are warnings against that. D:

Better not check in case this excuse doesn't hold up.

Aside from that, the pressure in my head is causing my neck muscles to retaliate around the shunt tube, tensing and knotting up until I literally cannot bend my neck. Mom had to give me a forty-five minute neck rub the other day just so that I could move my head.

Hey I've offered to rule before and in my rule we'd have vastly superior technology than we do now (including medical technology) it's just most people are way too squeamish to handle the steps we'd have to take to get there.

That is some massive BS. I hate winter, and I hate this shunt, even though it's technically the thing that is keeping me alive.

Because my vast knowledge and apparent precognition includes medicine I'll explain.
I'm guessing she's describing a peritoneovenous shunt which drains peritoneal fluid into the veins.

Regardless, that shunt causes me all sorts of problems, and oh god, when my muscles lock up around the tube, I can feel it slide against them under my skin. I can handle the sensation of nails on a chalkboard with no problem, but this sensation is something else entirely. It's like...

It's like a really long tube in your body.

Well, imagine that someone has a long, thin plastic tube. Now imagine that said plastic tube has been inserted into your skull, just under your scalp; it leaves a large lump on your head, too.

As long as it's used to plug into a neural interface this really doesn't bother me.

Imagine that it runs underneath your scalp, just a few mere inches back behind your temple, winding its way down back behind your ear where it slinks just under the skin of your neck, and think about how it is forced down and wound through your ribcage, and then inserted into your stomach.

OH I'M GOOD.

Now, imagine that if you tilt your head to the left, you feel the tubing under the skin of your neck tighten before releasing enough that you can, in fact, complete that action.

Sounds like faulty bionics to me.

I realize this sounds super melodramatic, but I'm not exaggerating. I pride myself on my tolerance for pain; it is very high. I can put up a front all I want, but when I am alone, I can shake and shiver, bite my lip, and cry while holding a position to get that damned tubing to loosen or contract.

Admittedly I've never had a shunt before but I somehow imagine I'd handle it a lot better than you.

Also, I made a deviantART account earlier this week. I've only uploaded my current favorites from my stock of art, but I have several pictures in the works. Dissidia seems to be my new fandom of choice for the art realm; Onion Knight is a particular favorite, it seems. I think it's because I enjoy drawing his hair. >_>

>_>
<_<
FUCK.

At any rate, if anyone is interested in seeing my doodles, you can look through them here.

Bet they suck~
let's see.
Eeeeeeeeh.
Here's his (her, its, whatever) drawing of Terra Branford of Final Fantasy VI fame.

Same subject from someone with talent.

Incidentally, Terra features in my favorite painting of all time, also by the same artist.

Also, it is one of the few anime series I have ever watched that is not afraid to kill off characters. That is one of the few things that really irks me about a lot of the mecha series I try to watch; everyone miraculously survives horrible ordeals that should take out a normal human.

Apparently you've never seen Gundam.
Which is funny because you said earlier you were a fan.
Oh but you did only mention Gundam Wing and Gundam SEED which are for 14 year old girls.

What's the point of me going off to school when I'm not even sure I will have a home to come back to?

My dad is really sick. My mom is always crying. My sister is as crazy as a loon. My brother barely talks to us anymore.

My foot is asleep.
I'd feel sympathy or whatever but frankly we've had this entry five times now.

I'm just tired of life. I feel like I've reached a dead end. Even with a degree in English Education,

Well that's why you feel hopeless. You majored in English education.
What are you, stupid?

Science Fiction by Women are my favorite classes

Women I know of who write science fiction:
1.
I guess Ursula Le Guin?
So Ursula Le Guin and--
Uhh--

Christmas is about warm feelings and happiness, not anger and angst and retarded-ness.

I'll inform Livejournal immediately.

I've been trying so hard to find gifts that everyone will like, despite my lack of funding. I've been drawing and sketching and coloring to the point where I've gained blisters on my hands at times; I'm fretting over people's reactions to what I'm drawing them, which is inadequate at best for such wonderful people; and no matter how hard I try, I can't coax a single, truly happy smile out of any of my family members.

Sounds like everyone is dying or hideously twisted by the crude bionics we have in 2011 so I'm not sure there's much to be happy about.

I am really tired, and I want to quit reading Puritan literature and visit a dreamland far, far away for just a small while.

God I love Puritan literature. The first and only time in my American Lit class I knew what the fuck was happening.
My extensive history of Warhammer gave me sufficient background for SINNERS IN THE HAND OF AN ANGRY GOD.
Children's literature (seriously).

Why do people even bother to ask for advice--or ask to talk, for that matter--when they are fully aware that what I will say will make them unhappy.

I suppose I am too blunt about certain things, yes,

So while she (he?) goes off about dumb boring bullshit I had the extreme misfortune of watching the new Lady Gaga video yesterday and while it was assuredly bad I couldn't help but notice she dressed exactly like my FFXIV character.
I'm not sure what to do with this information currently besides the obvious "time for an armor upgrade".
I was going to include pictures for comparison's sake but I don't want to admit to watching that video more than once so deal with it.

but I hate when people throw themselves pity parties. I do it at times, too, but then I just want to smack myself upside the head when I realize it. I HATE people that will not do something about their sadness, and I HATE people that ask for advice then plug their ears to what is given.

One thing I know is that Zeus hates two things more than anything: hubris and hypocrisy.
So I think I've put it off long enough. Time to grind some conjurer and upgrade some armor.
Only three more ranks until R20.
Fuck.

OK.

Today, like all days, I must agree that I'm 14 or older to read these wonderful thoughts.
Or no, my mistake, I must:
Aiot katsella sisältöä, joka ei ehkä ole alaikäisille soveltuvaa.
Which if you are good at identifying languages you will know that's Finnish.
I'm not sure why the cutaway is in Finnish because the blog is in English-- whatever.
Whatever.

If you could meet your true inner self, what would s/he look like, and what would s/he tell you?

I like this question because I get the impression the person asking it just finished Persona 3. You know, the game where you can summon your inner persona by shooting yourself in the head.
I think Livejournal users should practice this skill in real life.
Anyway here's my inner self:Don't make fun of me it's my fursona so this shit's serious, motherfucker.
On a totally unrelated note: I love the Siege of Vraks books because they are drawn and written like those real historical books you can buy and I think it's really funny how they treat a totally fictional event with dead seriousness like it's real history.

Rather than actually answer the question, I'm just going to say that you know you spend way too much time on TvTropes when the first thing you fill into the blank is "tomato."

Why bother answering the actual question?
Not that your answer would be any better if you had but I appreciate it when bloggers can stay on task.

I live in Minnesota, so it's funny to hear people in places like California complaining about the cold. What temperature is too cold for you?

If I lived in Finland (hell on earth) I'd just say "oh I think it's funny when people in MINNESOTA bitch about the cold."

I actually PREFER cold temperatures, but I'd still find 0 degrees Fahrenheit rather cold for me (though still solvable with proper clothing). Where I'm weird is that I think the high 60s/low 70s are way too warm. If I can't comfortably wear a hoodie or a jacket, then it's too warm for me. Nobody else seems to agree...

There is no temperature too hot or too cold for an Emperor's Space Marine.
No but seriously the class I taught last semester was variably an inferno or the COLDEST PLACE ON EARTH.
Fuck that school.

Day 06: Something that excites you and fills you with joy.

An outside performance opportunity.

Oh a voyeur.
GETTIN' FUCKED OUTSIDE IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE, EH?

Always. I don't even care what it is so long as I'm being asked to play oboe or bassoon or the related doubles. I just love performing...sure, it can be nerve-wracking and scary, but that's what makes it exciting. It's thrilling, and it's always lovely to see people enjoying a performance.

Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
I was just, for once, hoping she'd say something to earn that "14 years or older to watch"
not that the phrase "getting fucked in public" wouldn't earn you an instant 18+ rating but you get what I mean.

I had a surreal moment when I was practicing tonight in which I mentally became one with my oboe. It was pretty cool, actually, because it lent me a strong sense of empowerment, like I could do just about anything I wanted to.

According to a kung fu movie I saw once that's only the first step to true mastery.
True mastery is when you don't have to play the oboe anymore.
Have you ever seen that series of Zen paintings about the man and the ox?
I think it's like that.

My times at the Campus Christian Center, especially our Wednesday night "Dinner and BS" sessions.

Dinner and bullshit.

("BS" = "Bible Study," just FYI.)

So dinner and bullshit, HOOOOOO.

I've been thinking a lot about abstinence lately. I've kinda been questioning it, along with everything else with regards to LGBT matters and Christianity.

I really care about whatever the fuck it is I'm about to read.
LGBT matters and Christianity.
Two subjects near and dear to my heart.

For starters, abstinence-only education. I'm definitely for people abstaining (at the very least, until they're in a secure and stable relationship), but I strongly disagree with non-discussion of contraception and safer sex. Why? If you really think about it, no matter how much you tout abstinence as the only way to go, someone's still going to have sex.

There you have it. Even people with no sense have enough sense to know people get TEEN PREGNANT.

Moving away from that, I've been pondering my own situation too. I really don't like the idea of one-night stands, cruising for sex, anonymous sex, or anything like that for obvious reasons (disease and personal safetly, for starters). But I've been thinking beyond that, too. Waiting until marriage is so widely encouraged in Christianity.

Actually as secondary solution to never having sex ever, which is what's actually advocated in the Bible. GIVE YOUR LIFE TO GOD.
Not that our species has to continue, or anything.

But what about those of us who can't get married (at least, not for a few years at best)?

Guess you have to wait.
The Bible isn't clear on much but on this it's actually pretty crystal.

If I am in a relationship with someone and it's strong, should I hold off on going "all the way" simply because I'm waiting for a legal change that may be a long way in the distance? Should I have to pack up all my things and move just so I can be married and have sex with my husband?

I mean I say do whatever the fuck you want but if you're looking for the good Christian answer then I guess you better wait.
What does this have to do with gays, exactly?

In the end, I can say I definitely haven't got this all figured out. I probably won't for a long time coming. I should admit that I haven't been completely abstinent; I'm not sure that any time I've done something with someone has been entirely the right decision, but I do know that the world has not come crashing down around me yet.

So if you haven't been entirely abstinent you've been partially abstinent?
Can I get a definition of "partially abstinent"?

Sunday night, Phi Mu Alpha (my fraternity) put on our American Music Recital (apparently, for just about the first time in chapter history!).

For Emperor and Chapter.
Also I can't help but be drawn to the word "fraternity" as opposed to a sorority implying this is, in fact, a man.
So I guess I know why LGBT issues are relevant, huh.

As my title says, yesterday was Black Friday.

The title being "Eilen oli mustaperjantai..."
So thanks for clearing that one up, I guess.

EDIT: I almost forgot: Hyvää kiitospäivä!/感恩节快乐！

Am I on drugs?

I'm looking forward to studying in Finland now even more than ever. I have to admit, I really want to experience the Finnish way of taking a sauna: completely in the nude, perhaps being lightly beaten with soft birch branches (vihta), swimming in the lake or rolling in the snow after it's too hot to stand, going back again after taking some time to dry off, and then maybe a beer afterwards.

I'll take a pass on the reeds and the snow, actually.
Who's going to talk about getting hit with reeds like this is a good thing? What the fuck is wrong with people?
Ah yes, I was placed in a burlap sack and beaten with reeds.
HIGHLY IMPORTANT TO MY CULTURE DON'T JUDGE.
And I guarantee at least one person reading this is going to say "well actually it says branches, not reeds" like that's the actual problem here.
"Oh, well, branches-- that is highly sensuous and makes all the difference--"
Holy God I just forgot about this entry for a record 11 hours.
Anyway, where was I?
Oh, right.
Fuck it, I'm done.

Super Barf IV

People have just been making a general nuisance of themselves lately. Standing in my way and just freezing in place to talk to their friends or whatever. It's like everyone is playing a game that I'm not invited to that will soon involve me punching them in the head.
Anyway here we go for today: Sassymisss (ruh-roh)

Two weeks ago I went on a date with a man I really felt was/is confused about his sexuality.

She knows you better than you know yourself, asshole. Listen up now.
So already this is really presumptuous but I must admit no girl has ever said this to me because I'm basically a paragon of manliness but let's see.

He reminded me of those guys who every one knows is gay years before they admit it themselves and then when they "come out of the closet" everyone says "We already knew."

So one of those guys-- what? She acts like everyone knew someone like this.
Actually wait yes I did know someone like this, huh.

He was very fun to be with and I instantly felt comfortable with him. I was back in seventh grade though. He was my best guy friend that afternoon and I could tell him anything, even about the other "boys" I'd recently been on dates with and we poked fun at the situations we'd found ourselves in, and we'd laugh hysterically and he'd poke me on the side and playfully push his body into me.

Wow I just copied this in and it looks even longer now. I want to edit it down a bit but I'm not sure where to cut and not get half a thought. Please self-edit for clarity as well as length.

I acted completely silly and goofed off with him as if I really was 13 again.

Wow look at how self-confident & zany she is-- oh man huge yawn just now.

I'd explain certain scenarios and attempt to act them out in front of him on an imaginary stage.

How old are you?
I know you were just making a joke (using "joke" loosely) about being back in middle school but I'm being serious. How old are you?

This all took place at a museum. We'd even poke fun at people we saw at the museum. Laughs galore, yes. But there was not one iota of physical attraction.

Hey I asked you a question. How old are you?

I really saw us becoming the best of friends or if for some crazy reason I decided to put my own feelings about his confusion of his sexuality aside and decide to date him, then I'd see myself in a "Will and Grace" situation.

Bro got friend zoned.

Really. He had a passion for female singers but he had an obsession with Regina Spektor.

Who?

He said "Regina, I felt, filled a void within me that I felt I always had, my whole life." Well, he meant that her songs filled this "void." Men don't speak like that, at least, heterosexual men don't.

Except Musashi who had an entire chapter in his book about having a void in you and being the void itself and shit.
No big deal just killed 40+ in honorable duels. With swords.
Certainly no pansy, anyway.

At the end, or near the end, he asked me to send him an email letting him know what I thought about our date.

Really, dude?

"Really?" I asked, "that's a bit awkward." "Is it?" he replied. "Well, I think so. I mean, seriously, you want me to do that?"

All right I think I just realized a problem with my own critiquing system. Had this been a fictional story I would have said "real people don't talk like this" but evidently yes, they do.
I guess I should rephrase that: "real people who aren't cunts don't talk like that."

"Well," he says," I guess not. I just wanna see how you feel about the situation, see if you might wanna go out again."

All right, whatever.

Well, there it was. He was asking me out again. It was a funny way to ask.

What a fag. Dating girls, what does he think he is? A girl? Wait, no--

(His straightforwardness was also a bit much for me. Men aren't usually in the vicinity of asking for a second date before the first one ends.)

Straightforwardness, definitely a trait considered feminine. Wait, no--

"It was fun. I laughed a lot, thank you. I think you may be gay."

Here would be my response to this text message:
"sick burn but seriously when can I pick you up?"
Of course I'd never date this cunt in the first place but this was kind of a hypothetical situation where I would.

I hope this doesn't make me sound petty or shallow but I don't think there is a way around it.

I already think you're pretty shallow so no risk here har har har

I have always believed that to find someone who you will form a truly significant relationship, it would have to be someone you already know, be it through school, growing up, friend of a friend, work and so on.

Wow, what an idea! To form relationships with people you have to, pfft, form relationships with people!

I always valued that idea. With our ever advancing technology and the internet,

I was rereading an essay I wrote last night and realized I included both the phrases "dark age of technology" and "relentless march towards an unblinking future". I have no idea what the latter one means but I don't think I was thinking about "writing about reading".
Relentless march towards an unblinking future. I think that's what space marines do.

"Online dating" is not at all like dating in the realm of your own physical world.

Oh really? The internet isn't physical?

Pictures are very important because one must be visually appealing to the other sex, first and foremost.

If you're crafty you can bypass the whole picture thing I'd wager.

I was shocked! How could someone represent themselves a certain way online and know that when they come to meet you in person they will notice the difference?

Yes the way I represent myself online is totally how I am in the real world.
Putz.

I did not know how I was to excuse myself from this "date" and I wasn't brave enough to say anything. I couldn't be anything other than polite and have conversations.

I was trying to think of a good Warhammer quote for this situation but I'm pretty sure the society that proclaims "there is no truth, only death" probably doesn't have much of an issue with lying.

It seems I've been absent for a while. The reason being is because my "love life" or my dating has had a significant lack of interest.

... Uh-huh?

Dating is hard enough to do when you meet someone alone, online dating I have found to be a bit more difficult.

Wait, are you implying all the shit that follows is interesting?

I have been on so many dates since the inception of my new decade and I haven't met a decent, probable candidate to sweep me away as I have hoped.

Inception of your new decade what?
I guess you just hit 30 (or 20 but that hardly seems something to be concerned about) and so you have to use this weird language that doesn't make much sense because, what, you fear aging?

I also started to wonder recently if maybe I may be my own obstacle in finding love. Do I give off the air of "I'm a fun girl and I just want to have fun?"

Let me put your fears at ease: no. So far you seem the opposite of fun, actually.

Do I not, in my personality, exert that I am a great person and I do want to find love? Am I just a fun first date?

Rhetorical question with an answer: you're not fun.

These questions pose a concern for me. If the answers are "yes," 'no," and "yes" how do I change this?

The answers are, in order, "no, no and no" and you should be more concerned.

In the past week and a half I had an exciting three first-date stint.

Oh my God do you think shit about shit? Do you know anything at all about... Not this?

I was home with my daughter and eleven year old cousin

You have a daughter?
First I'm hearing of this.
Wouldn't you think to mention something as significant as a daughter before now? Shouldn't you be looking for someone who is potentially a good father for your child? Shouldn't you, more importantly, be there for your dumb kid?

First of all, I'm certain I mentioned in my first post that I'm 30, single and looking for "ridiculous, can't-live-without-each-other love."

Doesn't exist, raise your stupid kid and shut up.

I'm 30, single, mom, waitress, I have an English Lit. degree from a very expensive school, currently looking to find my niche in writing and, to boot, a job in the same.

What a degree in just English gets you, folks.
I can differentiate between reality and fantasy, so I may not find "ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love" but a girl can dream.
I hate you.
Anyway this looks like her very first entry so that means I made it all the way through her blog without choking on my own vomit.
Hurray!