Christ on a Cross

Hope you're ready for a lesson in pretension.
Sorry I missed Monday, incidentally, but Livejournal was down every time I checked so instead of finding another blog somewhere else I decided to play FFXIV instead.
New patch out next week probably. Culinarian is getting a fix, and I have to get it to 50 by then.
IT WON'T LEVEL ITSELF. And good Christ is it leveling slow now. Oh well, only 1.5 levels/ranks/whatever they call it now.
Today's writer's block is actually good (first time for everything):

What would you name a new planet?

I've put a lot of thought into this, mostly under the guise of trying to figure out a good home planet name for my Space Marine chapter and I've concluded Sentinel, Honorium or Hope's End would be the best names for a planet. Although I'm not sure how advisable it would be to name your new destination for the human race "Hope's End". Probably not an image you want to conjure in the minds of future space travelers.

Probably something in another language (Latin/Gaelic) or from a mythology that I'm familiar with.

Shut up you're boring.
Honorium is clearly a great name for a planet.

I am finished!
I still feel unsure about some of it, and I know it will be torn to shreds by the wise faculty... but I am proud. I think. hah. 17 pages worth of mythology and pagan literature examination.

Oh goodie. What could you possibly have to add that greater minds than yours haven't already concluded long ago?
I mean let's rewind a bit and look at your answer to this writer's block. You couldn't even come up with a planet name. The only thing you could spit out was what scientists already do when naming planets. You didn't even come up with one. You just described the process by which one might derive a name for a planet.
I really hope I can make it into a good argument in this next draft.

Now I shall go dream of hibernation... I do not want to type up something for quite a while now.Just kidding. But seriously, my mind is exhausted, my books are worn, my contacts are thread-bare (from staring at the computer screen for so long)...

I know it's a figure of speech but contacts don't have threads.
I understand 99% of the time you apply a term in a new way it comes off stupid and that's all part of the experimental process but seriously can you at least proofread this shit?
I'm in no position to talk about proofreading with the glaring flaws in this blog but still I feel it had to be said.
I put those errors there on purpose to lull my readers into a false sense of security. I am, in fact, infallible.

Black Friday is for the most part, wrong.
After having a wonderful holiday where families spend time together and are THANKFUL for everything they have, America has made a holiday where after we've been thankful, we go out and fight each other while spending all of our money on things we don't need.

Wrong in what way?
Morally?

Wow. Look at our country. It is so sad how that can happen. I know that sometimes there are amazing deals for Christmas presents for others, or just good holiday saves...
But all I know is that we should be spending time with one another on this holiday, and waking up at 2 am to stand in line at a store, or just spending all our money, isn't a way we should be spending the holiday. On top of that, it contradicts COMPLETELY what we spent the previous day doing ---- BEING THANKFUL for what we have.

By your own admission the holiday where we're thankful is already over, so it's time to spend like pig Americans.
I think you've defeated your own point.

We are all so blessed in America, and we all have so much stuff. Why can't we just stop WANTING things? This consumerism is ridiculous at the level it's reached.
I also was shocked to hear that stores opened on THANKSGIVING DAY for the Black Friday sales. Black Thursday? While people are supposed to be eating Thanksgiving suppers with their family, they were out shopping.
I don't mean to criticize this much at the moment. It is just wrong for the most part.

"I don't mean to criticize but that's exactly what I'm doing."
Fuck that, just go balls to the wall and call people disgusting pigs begging for annihilation. I hate people like you who say something and then try to give it a glaze of politeness and kindness by saying shit like "well in my opinion--" or "I don't mean to criticize" or my all time favorite, "I'm sorry, but--" no, you're not sorry, you do mean to criticize and of course it's your fucking opinion, dipshit-- It's coming out of your fucking yap!
Here's a poem this twat wrote called "On Perseverance and Purity" and I can't wait for this.

Is this the reading of my stars, oh Arbiter
Of right and wrong, you’ve written out?
Is this the road laid stone by stone
By Your great and perfect Hands?
Or have the empty heavens rained
Upon this barren earth the form
Of a way so rocky and shapeless for me?

Wow this is really good.
This seems like something those metaphysical poets would write only really stupid.
Metaphysical poems usually have a turn, though, where they seem like they're going one way then at the end it's something like "and yet--" and then they conclude the opposite.
It's a neat trick the first time but ten thousand million times later not so much.
I don't see a turn. She just keeps concluding exactly what she's going to conclude.
I guess, I dunno. I'm not really reading it at this point.

{{ Yes, I did write this. The structure is more loose than what I normally do. No stealing. }}

Don't worry. Not fucking likely.
Also I'm not going to lie: the structure is indeed "more loose" (protip, dipshit: looser is a word) than what I'd expect from a poem.
You're getting a masters in classical studies, seriously?
A MASTER OF THE WRITTEN WORD doesn't know how adverbs work. Beautiful.

Mood:pondering
Music:"May It Be" by Haley Westenra

Haley Westenra-- no, I don't even want to know.
Also "pondering" isn't a mood. It's a verb. When are you Livejournal people going to learn not everything you can do is a fucking emotional state.
Know what my mood is? A little bit angry, honestly.

The first one is, senior thesis. I'd prefer not to go into extreme detail about the character of a thesis, but it is very difficult and I am not sure what I am to defend. I'd love it to have to do with literature, church history, or just history in general.
I will pray though about it more.

Oh good, pray. That always gets the job done.
Senior thesis-- no, I don't want to talk about this anymore.

I can't do anything without the Lord's guidance.
I need to pray more often. I have been lacking in that. I fall asleep usually before I pray at night. I feel really guilty about that.

I just said I don't want to talk about this anymore.

PS. I have started reading another book and am about 3/4 through it (very fast read), and it is called "Lord of the Flies". It's some Government extra credit for senior year. It's pretty good.

>Lord of the Flies
>Confusing
Are you stupid or something?

Would you rather be a vampire or a vampire hunter, and why?

How many times have we been over this? Kill the abomination.

Vampire hunter, obviously. Vampires are Satanic and disgusting. Who wouldn't want to be someone who was destroying and hunting down evil creatures? Go Hunters! :)

Err-- yeah, that.
Except the smiley face at the end and the part where it sounds like you're cheering on a football team.
You know, when you think about it "kill the abomination" sums up everything you said in three words, sounds 100x better and about a million times cooler to boot. Is there a way in which I am not a superior writer to you?
Of course there isn't.

If you could go back and change one event in your life (or un-say one thing you wish you'd never said), what would you choose, and why?

"Sure, I'll intern at that school."
For obvious reasons, I think.

There are so many things I regret saying and doing, but I honestly wouldn't change them, and I am learning to not regret them, because I said and did them for a reason, because God has a plan and if I changed what I'd done, it wouldn't work for an even better end the Lord has in store. Everything happens for a reason.

Oh God.
Ha, literally. Oh God.
Here's a writer's block asking what color crayon she'd be and she somehow works God into it (no idea how because I can't force my eyes to focus that long).

Secondly, my hair is gold and I'm thankful God blessed me with it. Thirdly, My favorite time period in history is ancient greek and roman times, and the color gold reminds me of it.

Oh, okay.
Gold is the color.
God. And handily I'm at the beginning of this abortion of human creativity.

I hope you're ready.
I knew today would be easy pickings because of the writer's block:
Who pays on a first date?
It didn't take me long to find this answer:

Your mom.

Channeling the spirit of Victorgraywolf, I see.
And just to round out our douchebag answers:
that's really presumptuous of you to assume everyone goes on dates. Better wording would be "do you go on dates? If so, who do you think should pay?"
Remember user "givegodtheglory"?
I wish I didn't.
Anyway this bitch has a lot of the yackity yack so let's dig right in.

Hey there- if you've somehow stumbled across this page, you may not know a whole lot about me (you know, besides what's on my userinfo). Here's a quick catch-up:

I'm an adopted only child (well, if that sentence didn't scare you away, read on).

Your intro post is an essay.
Remember in school when you'd have to write a three paragraph essay?
This is a seven paragraph essay for your first post. Wanna cool it a little?

I grew up in Champaign-Urbana, Illinois, with my excellent parents, one cat, and one dog. I was/am a bookwormy nerdish type. I became a Christian when I was in junior high. I didn't really get it until college, and am still learning more and more about God, and dealing with being a Christian in a very different environment than what I started out in :) I met the man I eventually married when I was a senior in highschool. I was a townie, but I went to college at the University of Illinois. I worked at Philmont, a national Boy Scout camp in the summers, teaching highschool-age boys how to backpack. It was one of the best things I've ever done. I majored in journalism. Carl and I got married on June 14, 2003 between my junior and senior years of college. Around this time, there was a lot of drama, with my friends, with my church, with my college parachurch ministry... it was just a tough time. But it made our marriage stronger, I think.

I mean are you fucking kidding me? I officially know more about you than I do some of my friends.

In May/June 2007, we found out we were pregnant. And then we found out it was twins. And, around seven weeks, we found out that we were going to miscarry, which we did exactly two weeks later.

Are you royalty?
Any time anyone says "we're pregnant" I want to hit them.
Yeah I just said I wanted to hit a pregnant woman, what's it to you?

We had another miscarriage in April 2008, but found out after the fact- the second one was a lot easier. We're now pregnant for the third time, and have gotten a lot farther with this pregnancy, praise God.

And praise God for the two miscarriages too, because it must have been by his divine will that those happened as well.

We're due June 11, 2009, and I'm enjoying the snot out of pregnancy itself, though I'm still working through some of the fear and grief that came with the dashed hopes of the previous pregnancy.

I've met quite a few pregnant woman in my time and the phrase "enjoying the snot out of pregnancy" wasn't what they had to say about it.
Maybe just all the pregnant women I've ever met have had difficult pregnancies.

ETA: We gave birth to Catelyn Jean on June 7th, 2009. She's been an amazingly good and easy baby, and we're very blessed to be her parents. :)

Catelyn.
No, bad, do it again.
Also kinda funny that an adopted child, when finding out she'd have a lot of trouble getting pregnant would opt to struggle through miscarriages instead of paying it forward.
The charity and grace of Christ, eh?

ETA: We recently found out we're pregnant with our second! Another girl :D We're both shocked and excited, and a little overwhelmed by all the changes. We also bought a house, in the Ravenna/Wedgwood neighborhood up here, and did a ton of remodeling, all while juggling the pregnancy, a 9-month-old, two full-time jobs, and a caregiver transition. Whew, am I ever glad that's over with! :)

"But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."
Sorry I'm just reading this Bible thing. Shouldn't you be at home, caring for your spawn?
As the Bible dictates, clearly, in 1 Timothy 3:14?

ETA: Julia Melodie joined our family on August 26, 2010. She's got the most beautiful big blue eyes, and we've taken to calling her "Bug." :)

Ready for the shocking news? This is still the first post.

My church's adoption and foster care ministry had a meeting tonight- I was one of three panelists, and totally broke down in tears talking about how my kids won't grow up wondering if their bio-mom is that lady in the grocery store O_o Which was not at all where I intended to go with my talk, but I guess that's where I'm at.

Yeah, praise be.
I guess.
What's wrong with the lady in the grocery store?
I guess it's more about not knowing who your biological mother is but if you have someone who cares enough about you to raise you, especially if they're not your own spawn then you should consider yourself fortunate enough and not dig too much into something you probably don't want to know anyway.

There are so many awesome families in my church, and I love that they are trying so hard to understand their kids and be good parents- I always leave happy (even if I do cry!). But it is really interesting for me to parent biological children as a person who never knew her biological family! I feel like if/when we adopt, I will understand that kid so much better than my own in some ways.

They're kids. It's not like they have a lot going on to figure out. What, is your one daughter keeping a heroin habit secret from you or something? Of course not, she's four.

Cue 10:30, just as we're getting ready for church, Catelyn swings a shoe around and smacks Julia in the face? body? somewhere with it. Julia begins shrieking, Carl speaks sharply to Catelyn, Catelyn begins crying... and I'm in the middle of trying to put on pants!

HA, FAMILY LIFE, AM I RIGHT GUYS?
Write that one into the Family Circus! That is just the bees knees!

Everyone finally gets settled, at which point I manage to finally button my fly, and I set Julia down to do something or another. Julia walks around the corner, and Catelyn comes running around the other side, and CRASH, they collide.

Fuck church, we're staying home and watching Pokemon. I can't take this shit today.
Repeat every single Sunday.
Pokemon is a much better guide to life anyway. It teaches you friendship and--
stuff, I guess.
What does church teach you? How to hate gays and oppress women, from what I can tell.

So, we decided that Julia obviously needed a nap, and sent Carl and Catelyn off to church :( I'm sad I'm missing it, because I was pretty excited about going,

Excited about getting up early Sunday so you can sit in a room filled with stinking people to listen to some asshole preach about the driest literature known to man like it's a history book--
we have very different outlooks on life, I can tell.
I just want to know how you can name one child something as normal as Julia but fuck up so hard with Catelyn.

Sometimes I think life would be better if I didn't ever read anything on the Internet about kids :) Take, for instance, this morning- a mom on the local listserv sent out a question asking about whether two was too young to take a kid to the Nutcracker.

No.
Next question.
Man, I'd be the least helpful human ever at answering pressing questions like this.

Now, here I am, planning on taking *both* the kids to an afternoon matinee with my mom in December. Catelyn will be 2.5 but Julia's not even close to 2, of course.

It's a fucking ballet.
Well first I can't imagine bringing a child so stultifyingly boring but I don't think there will be any objectionable content.
My ultimate conclusion is stay home for the sake of your children, yourself and the people you'd be sitting around, however.

But I'd already controlled for having them in an area that's easy to get in and out of, and taking them at a time of day that's both kid-friendly and at a time when they'll both be in pretty good spirits and have decently long attention spans.

When you have to lay a contingency plan like that I'd recommend finding a more kid friendly activity.

But now I've got the moms on this listserv all raining on my parade, talking about how they'd never take a child younger than 4, and how really this other mom should go to the one-hour ballet up north, and how their children turned into hellions during the second act...

These are the same twats I see ignoring their spawn in the grocery store so you can safely disregard them. They treat their children like tumors that somehow detached and became sentient.

I think we need a designated 1-2 "do nothing" weekends a month.

"Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Six days shall you labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of the Lord thy God on which you shall do no work."
This Biblical law shit, am I right?
It's almost like you don't listen to the Bible at all.
You know, the book that's central to the religion you supposedly follow.
My religion has no holy text because my people deigned to pass their myths orally and so I can make shit up as I go along. My religion has a proud tradition of making shit up as we go along.

I ... was dumb and didn't realize until recently that there are significantly different *types* of yoga. I mean, I knew there was hot yoga and not-hot yoga, but I didn't realize that there's like... ayurvedic and ashtanga and flow and vinyasa and hatha and yomama.

It's almost like yoga is part of a larger cultural tradition.
But pig Americans, eh? No time to sit down and think about anything, gotta burp up a pizza every three minutes or you'll go crazy!

I was off my game at yoga tonight- not sure whether it was having had a week off last week when Carl was out of town, or whether it was because I gave blood yesterday, or because my back is still sore and I am...

I don't understand yoga.
Why would you bother with that nonsense when you can learn something manly, like Krav Maga or Muay Thai?
I mean you want to work out and be sexy or whatever you stupid cunts think why not be sexy and learn how to collapse a rib cage with one punch?

Julia is up late again tonight (Carl was home with her). I need to get them both back to the routine, though I know it's probably mostly because she's sick. I hope she gets over this soon.

This is the fourth post I've encountered where you are very emphatically not tending to your children. I'm not saying they have to be number one on your list (though they should, but let's take this in small steps) but they should at least be somewhere on your list.
Maybe above yoga one peg. Let's start there.

Oh! Good news, guys! I got a text from my boss, and he is not in Bangkok. I have no idea where he is, but I am super-relieved. Whew. Thanks for your prayers :)

You made it, man. Quit job, learn Muay Thai.
Become Sagat from Street Fighter, kick Ryu in the dick.
Get brown girls.
THE WORLD IS YOURS, MY BOY!

In other news, I need to pick out an '80s Halloween costume for my work party. My boss is coming as a punk rocker, so... what do I do?

Stay home and pay attention to your children.
You just said the one is sick with the croup. For the love of Christ, you can miss the Halloween work party.

P.S. I am totally worrying about my boss- he went to Bangkok, which is, flooding like crazy. They knew it was flooding when they went, but I kept telling him to stay in Tokyo instead of heading into a floodzone. I am anxious for him to respond to my e-mail. If you guys pray, pray for him and his partner to get home safely.

No. He's an adult, surely he can take care of himself.

If the church were taking care of the poor, we would have no need for welfare. And... because it is near and dear to me... I pointed out that there are probably still foster children awaiting adoption in that person's state- and until the last kid's adopted out of foster care, I really can't get too excited about where the government's spending its/our money. They got angry with me and said that I judged them and their church inappropriately- probably true, though they did not answer what their church was actually doing to help foster children, or to help end welfare in their state.

What are you doing to help foster children?
Or no, how about this: what are you doing to help your own children?
"So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."
Man, this Jesus guy.

The girls? They apparently had a pretty rough afternoon- yesterday went wonderfully, but this afternoon, our awesome nanny was on the verge of calling to see if I could come home early. Julia is teething- canines. Canines are the worst. Poor baby. We've been dosing her up, but I was feeling pretty bad for having so much time away from her tonight when she's feeling so yucky.

Oh you feel bad, well that's okay--
but wait:

Yoga was ... tough tonight. I mixed up the time and got there overly early, and I think this is the first time I've gone to class really, actually dehydrated.

Felt bad about not taking care of your own child but, you know, not enough to skip yoga.
Not to quote the one true religion at you but Zeus himself said that introspection is the true path to happiness.

Plus, I must be having a bad body-image day or something- there was one pose they did, which was just simply putting an arm under your neck towards the opposite side with your forehead on the mat...

Introspection. Diligence. Honor. Fortitude.
Do your duty during the day and I guarantee "bad body image" will be far from your thoughts at night.

and waah, there is too much arm fat for me to get my forehead actually on the mat.

Telling you, Muay Thai. If you did that shit your arms would be like steel.

Why did I think it would be a good idea to stay home?

The girls have been up for less than an hour and I've already lost track of the number of times I've had to say "Julia, NO!" (only to have her keep doing whatever she's doing), "Catelyn, be nice to your sister!"

You kids seem bored. Maybe we should do something?
Let's play a game. Kids love games.
What the fuck is wrong with you, woman? Are you seriously getting told by a 24 year old man on the internet how to parent?
I am the opposite of a parent and even I know what to do better than you do.

and had to listen to howling sobs from Catelyn overreacting because I couldn't pick her up while making her breakfast. Oy!

You know if you were around them more there wouldn't be this attention anxiety when you are around.
Christ on a cross.
Yeah, in fact. Jesus Christ didn't die on a cross for you to act like this, I'm pretty sure.

Huh- so, our nanny was taking tomorrow off to go to a conference, and we planned to take the girls in to their old daycare (since we're still paying for it). Carl called on Monday to confirm with them, and just left a message.

Yeah, Carl. I've been pretty mean to the mom here but let's switch to you for a second. Where are you, friend? You somehow get less mentions than yoga.

So, uh, way to go backup childcare plan.

The part that absolutely slays me is how lucky this woman is, by her own admission, that she was given up for adoption only to have two people completely unrelated to her, two people that weren't obligated to piss on her if she were on fire take her into their lives and raise her as their own and yet none of this gratefulness seems to translate into raising her own biological children.
Man, I am fucking smart.
I should write a religious text.
No one would follow it because somehow "it's your own fault, dipshit," doesn't seem like the kind of slogan that most people would want to follow.
Maaaaaaaan I'm going to go play Skyrim. Fuck this noise. I don't understand people.
But killing dragons and bandits, that I understand.

Good Grief

OH NO WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING?
This blog is everything I've ever spoken about that's wrong with people and more.
We have all the signs: the black background with the birds flying in front of the moon, the "oh you have to be 14+ to read these deeeeeeeeeeep thoughts" the self-important bint who fancies herself a deep, free soul who has a child out of wedlock, cheated on her boyfriend and then wonder why literally everyone hates her.
I mean I could just copy and paste responses from previous entries and you'd never know.
In fact this blog is so familiar I wouldn't be surprised if I haven't already reviewed it.
She even does that thing of "I lost my inspiration so I left Livejournal and it has been two years since I last updated (because, you know, updating Livejournal really requires a lot of inspiration and dedication).
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.
Also today's Writer's Block:

If you had a special power, would you hide it or share it with the world, and why?

Depends on the power.
I'm not even pretending like I'd end up a super hero, though. I doubt I'd be a super villain, though-- I'd probably end up like the Green Hornet.
Just kind of doing what I want.

If I had a special kind of power, I would hide it all from the world. Why? So I wouldn't be the center of attention, so I wouldn't be asked to do anything. I'd like to do it all on my own. Helping the world out piece by piece. I'd rather find someone that loved me for me with or without the power, and then tell them.

Or maybe I'd become supremely egotistical like Maxie Zeus and try to find someone equal to my GODLY FORM.
How the hell do I know so much about super heroes?
I don't even read comic books and yet I managed to name drop the Green Hornet and Maxie Zeus.
I just realized I do have a super power: precognition. I somehow know shit without knowing it.

If you were a cross-breed between two animals, what animals would they be, and why?

FURRY ALERT.
Did you know the Russians tried to crossbreed men with gorillas to create a new super soldier?
I am not joking. That really happened.

I'd love to be a cross-breed of a cat and a panther. I know they're of the same species but the both have different qualties. I'd have double the amount of lives one cat has, 18 lives ;)

Well, 19 lives because you also have one as a human.

I'd be able to sprint at various speeds. Climb trees, land on all fours, and live carelessly like a cat!
& I'd be able to 'puurrrr," ;)

Humans definitely can't run at various speeds or climb trees.
Hey wait--
Now here's an entry called "Robert;" which leads me neatly into my next point: this woman doesn't know how semicolons work.

thought about you alot today, talked about you and reminised about the good times.
I remember when you said you'd always be there, that you'd be my Guardian Angel,
well I'm in dire need of your affection. I call out for you in my dreams, please come
back, make me okay, make everything okay. Make me smile. I miss you.

That's what happens when you get mixed up with dumb cunts, Robert.

So I have a confession. I was seeing two guys before I got pregnant. One was my first love, and the other was an ex boyfriend. I slept with them in the same week.

:V

I was 80% sure it was the ex boyfriends. Now my first love posted a baby photo of himself on facebook, and my daughter and him look alike. Red hair, same nose, and same eyebrows. I don't know what to think ..

Bastard children.

Ive got a bad feeling. My boyfriend had some stuff stolen from the house which was technically his friends, and since theyre really good friends, his friend thinks my boyfriend should go along for the ride to beat the shit out of this guy because it was stolen from our house.

Seems like a good idea to me.

Now, his friend is really dumb, naive and doesnt care what happens because he thinks he is so invincible, but we have a daughter at home, and if I lose my boyfriend over something to petty, than Im nothing without him. My boyfriend didnt even want to go, but his friend basically called him out.

The daughter that might have been conceived by a different party.
Or maybe this is yet another boyfriend. The previous entry listed one potential father as "ex-boyfriend" but since I always go in reverse chronological order maybe they broke up between entries but then again I can't imagine such a prime chance to bitch and moan would be passed up.

Although his so called "good friend" should understand that; staying at home with his wife and daughter are way more important than what theyre about to do.

Just going to jump some yahoo, baby. We'll be back before dinner.

- now when I say I have a bad feeling, I have a bad feeling and cannot avoid the ovbious. Something bad always happens. I got that sense in me. I dont know what to do besides sit here and wait ...

If only there was some sort of government organization that handled criminal affairs.
Maybe they could have people that rode around troubleshooting the complaints of the citizens and if they catch someone who maybe stole something they could take this person to a place where they had barred rooms or something.
Unfortunately to my knowledge no such institution exists.
Although proving you actually had something stolen is classically difficult so maybe handling this internally would be the surest and most expedient means by which to render JUSTICE.

; I haven't written on LiveJournal in over 2 1/2 years. I've kept a journal but I've stopped writing about a month or two before I gave birth. To be completely honest, I think I stopped writing because I lost my inspiration, the real reason why I wrote. I was on top of the world, who would have thought I would fall? Can you stop the free fall? Can you stop the screaming?

FREE FALLIN'
OUT INTO NOTHING
Also you may notice this paragraph of nonsense begins with a semicolon. That is not an editing error on my part: the sentence literally starts with a semicolon and there is nothing before it.
You might think it is somehow joining the title of the thing to the body but nope, the title is --.
I feel like I'm reading through a ROM with a hexviewer. Sometimes you find all sorts of crazy messages from the developers which are often written as poorly as these blogs are but while no human was intended to read these messages, here this sits, on display for the world.
If you're nerdy enough to have done something like that.

hey guys its been awhile since ive updated

but im doin good. its me an my bf's one yr anniversary :)
should be basically happily married :) its rather twisted.

Actually to correct my earlier statement that "I don't read comics" I have read one.
It's called Arkham Asylum and it was fucking hardcore, man.
It stars Batman and he goes to an insane asylum.

im wrkin at Giant Tiger haha.

still blazin. got my nose stuck in yayo.

ugh getting a tattoo.

For those of you blissfully unaware of the corrupted, low speech of the ignorant: "yayo" (or "yeyo" if you're not illiterate) is cocaine.

hopefully moving out of the parents house soon.

ugh thats bout it,,
loving life :)

peace easy

I guess so.
Here's an entry with dark purple (on a black background) font that is, I am not making this up, size .5. Additionally, it is underlined in light gray and the underscore is larger than the font.
Not even going to attempt to read this.

i guess i have known all along that

everything is about mind, body & soul ..

but i could never figure out what i was to do with it .

.maybe i was suppose to embrace it ..

lather it in .. drown in it .. something ..

i should know my mind in through out ..

What the fuck?
Ok just to give you an idea of what I put up with, I'm going to copy this entry exactly as she has it, so you get to experience the font and everything:

what do i think about .. who to think about ..

why do i think about it .. where to think about it ..

i should know my body and be comfortable

with my body .. no one is to judge .. i am flawless ..

i am beauitful .. i am desirable .. am i not ?

the only thing i am left with is doing some

soulsearching

I HATE ALL PEOPLE.
MY BIND BURNS WITH SUCH HATE THAT YOU'VE NEVER SEEN.

when i dont know what questions to ask ..

how to go about it .. nothing along those lines ..

i dont even know how to start, where to start,

even yet why i am even wondering ...

Oh good, adding an underline to it. MY RAGE BURNS INCANDESCENT.

im a wreck ..
ive gone and spun myself out of control ..

but i thinks its going to be okay ..

the only thing left on my list is
> Gavin ..

>Implying Gavin

i want to get fucking stoned or really fucked up on pills ..
i need a hard drug ...

If only you'd overdosed.

yea .. well .. im kind of getting back into this ...
you guys have missed out on quite a bit but thats okay ..
its only me and my life ..

"missed out on quite a bit" being relative, of course.

.. yea well i dont want to be with my boyfriend no more ..
i don tknow him and he dont know me ..
we are two opposite people ..
hes outgoing, spontanious and just a wild animal ..
i cant control him ...

Because all healthy relationships are built on control.
And cocaine.

.. my best friend confessed his undying like for me ..
i love him with all my heart but ..
you know how it is ..
it just wouldnt work ..
or im just too stubborn and scared of
the word love ...

Well, hey.
If you got bad news, wanna kick the blues, cocaine.
When your day is gone and you wanna ride on, cocaine.
And what follows is:
entry with .5 font. Dark blue text, black background.
Entry with .5 font. Electric purple text, black background.
Entry with .5 font. Bright orange text, black background.

i got my first paycheck! wahoo! but yea.. this is my list

- new bong. or glass pipe.
- pair of black jeans.
- shoes.
-ummm ... dope !!

I am so fucking impressed right now.
Holy shit I don't even care anymore.
Time to do something else.

Oh Shit

Right, this. Completely forgot about this until just now. But that's okay, I'll be sure to wind the post time back until it was Monday so I didn't officially miss a day. Anyway here we have some shit.Sorry wait, no: that's a link to Livejournal. I meant this shit specifically.

You know. I really should be banned from my own mind sometimes. And sometimes like today.

Oh look. It's this shit again.

I am so brutally honest with myself, I'm sure there are people who would say I am doubting myself, or wallowing in self-pity or even just being too hard on myself.

Hard on.

I've had a friendship for a number of years. It's been flirty, it's been easy, it's been fun.... and it's been very one sided.

I really care about whatever the fuck it is I'm reading.

Today I realized I'm the greatest friend ever in some ways.

Today I realized I'm the most modest person ever.

I know, for most of my friends I'm just the go to girl...

You know it's a shame all bloggers' egos don't let them form groups because there are a lot of kindred spirits literally a click away. How many fucking times have I read this in my lifetime?
However many times it's two too many.

this whole journal is filled with the angst and anger and bitterness that they bring to my life and the fact that I never come away feeling loved I always come away feeling like a miserable failure where they are concerned, not so much with this other friend.

Oh boy the second time in two updates I wish I had read something before I started writing.

Okay. So, the sense of deja vu is too strong, and the feeling of anger is intense and the WTF factor is astronomical. So what? Fuck that, that's what.

Holy shit, what?

I can't talk to my girlfriend... why?

Oh, for the record: I'm pretty sure this is a woman updating. Just in case there's some confusion at the gender here.

I think I've become confused again.

I feel like reverting to Mr. Miyagi advice but I'm not even sure if his wisdom was deep enough to fix this mess.

Or maybe I just wanted someone for a minute who wanted me. It's so unusual to find someone,

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE LOVED BY ANYONE
IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO HAVE FUN WITH ANYONE
Holy shit I think this blog just turned me gay. Tom Jones lyrics right here on Edie Finds a Corpse.

whom you can see it on their face, hear it in their voice, and know in your heart and soul mean it when they tell you, you are beautiful, sexy, smart, and irresistible.

Try a little harder
Something's wrong, you're not naive you must be stronger
ooooh baby, try
hey girl
move a little closer
you're too shy too shy, hush hush eye to eye

I don't know what brought that on but it's a pleasant chance of pace from "WAAAAH ME".
Strange, flirty, online sexy with a single person, mouthy, evil plotting, teasingly angry, and dominant?

Online sexy. I cannot think of a more pathetic choice of words than that.

I am just stupid. Okay, off to bed for me so I can get up and have coffee with one of my girls

You have kids?
No, no.
Nope, not buying it.
She must mean it like "one of my GRRRRRRRLS."

So. Not only do I have a spanking partner.... I have a girlfriend.

What.

she wants to be broken and made to cry so she can get it all out, she's sooooOOOOOOOoooo completely opposite of me... it's weird :-)

it's not that i'm not real.... I am.

What. Oh, I get it. This entire blog is the product of some sort of weird random number generator and a list of words. That makes a lot of sense, actually.

You can't be this screwed up in the noggin and not be real.

I gotta piss, excuse me for a minute.

Why am I this screwed up? I keep asking myself how I am managing to make myself worse instead of better. And I don't know.

I also got a snack.

I guess it would help, if I managed to just be at peace with who I am. What I am, and how others see me. I think that's the hard part.

Oh Christ is she still on about this?
What proceeds is quite literally a list of character traits and I'm sorry I seem to be having a lot of trouble with this because my eyes involuntarily cross and I forget to breathe every time I look at it.

I've discovered I'm unhinged, irrational, unstable, and wholly more emotional about things right now.

And other words Webster's Thesaurus tells me.

Even when I realize I'm being a hypocrite, foolish, and stupid, I still manage to understand I'm being all of those things, while still being hurt and jealous.

:3

Ok. I know that I've been weird, hard, harsh, mean, cold and foolish before..... but when have I ever been forgiving?

NO MERCY FOR THE MISGUIDED seriously this blog is 90% lists of character traits.

I'm so done. Done with public posting.

You are a filthy, filthy liar and I hate you for it. If that were true you fucking stupid cow I wouldn't have to read any more of your inane thoughts or list of adjectives that do/you wish did apply to you after October 31st, 1999.
Yeah and I see you're listening to Duran Duran currently well know what? Fuck you. Doesn't cut it. Had this been entry number one I would have been willing to back out now but no, we're in too deep now.

Fuck it. It's all just bullshit anyways right?

Oh my fucking Christ I wish I could hate you to death.
I know it's been all fun and games before with "lol kill yourself" and "I hope you get trapped in a burning elevator" but I mean it this time. I hope you press that button to go down from the 17th floor in an 18 story office building only to walk into an open shaft.
Fuck you.

I'm sad, I'm depressed, I'm angry, I'm frustrated, I'm .... I'm being horribly selfish in the fact that I don't want to do this anymore.

Nope fuck it I'm done.

Let's Read Phonetically!

For today's blog I'm going to be reading everything phonetically because spelling errors are humorous that way.
Here we are, Maarkage (you're a cunt).

when people never heed my advice, like i dont know what im talking about
what you think the 18 years of hell ive been through , has shown me nothing??

You're 18. You don't know anything. Shut your trap.

seriously , you get hurt by "freinds" so u listen to me and tehn you go back with your back stabbing so called freinds
why cant you people see , that people never fucking change, only make choices upon those around them.
deep down inside

Yeah I have no clue why no one heeds your "wisdom". You can barely express yourself. They probably had no clue what you were on about.

god im so fucking pist...

all this wisdom and no one fucking listens

yall wounder why i hate myself

You probably hate yourself because you're a deplorable waste of space.

Yesterday upon the stairs,
I met a man who wasn't there,
He wasn't there again today,
I wish, I wish, he'd go away.

Deep.

bitches i got my first tat and it stands for independence

Shit son, did you get one of those tribal bands? Or maybe some Chinese characters that you think say "fire warrior" but in actuality say "faggot ass"?

Or maybe you went for the tride-and-true SKULL WITH SNAKES COMING OUT OF IT OH NO

that this date in the mark bowdidge history books , it the weirdest, i dont know what happend on this date years ago
but i know it hurt me in such a way i forced my self to forget

hahah hell its even raining



not really funy

:|
Mark. I'm watching you, Mark.

now reader, you may or may not know that we bothare stuborn ignorant fools, we'll fix you cause we aint "broken".

Stubborn perhaps, ignorant for certain. Also no, you won't be fixing me. I'd avoid both of you like the Plague of Justinian. The Plague of Justinian, incidentally, is perhaps more virulent and took a higher death toll than the legendary Black Death, so there's my opinion of you.

"This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll whisper "no."

QUICK! ONLY AN IDIOT WHO CAN'T SPELL OR STRING TOGETHER A COHERENT SENTENCE CAN SAVE US NOW! Yes, millennia of social engineering have failed us, and now we have to trust on this 18 year old kid to fix all of our problems!
Also cool juxtaposition between whores and politicians. You know, they do have a lot in common. I mean, most prostitutes are only working for a living (regardless of if you agree with the institution of prostitution, they're most probably not stealing tax payer dollars or the like) meanwhile politicians are all scum. Seems to me you're confusing social and political issues, but you are, after all, an idiot, so I doubt you see much of a difference between these things outside of "I disagree with them, and they are therefore bad."

sadly , this is how i veiw most of society

Very black and white "veiw" of society. Maybe when you grow up some you'll see most people aren't good or bad.

im sticking with political sceince as my major, ima need it to play their game

"Ima" not take any basic grammar classes either. Brotip: if you want to play "their game" you're going to need to understand the differences between 'ie' and 'ei' if you want any occupation above mixing concrete.

laughing my ass off for no reason just like i always do, but to day is gonna be never ending , i got a wedding and than sara is staying over for like ever wich equals untill wensday .

>than sara is staying over for like ever wich equals untill wensday
>than sara is staying over for like ever wich equals untill wensday
>than sara is staying over for like ever wich equals untill wensday
Hooooooooboy that's probably the worst spelling I've seen lately.

oh oh awsome new quote well quotes

" one mans fanasy is another mans nightmare"

Oh God, what?
I have an awesome quote for you: kill yourself.

why did live journal tell me when my own birhtday is

Probably wishing you a happy birthday. Not that you deserve it. Yeah that's right, stupid, every time people like "friends" and "family" said that they weren't actually reminding you of your birthday (although you are, after all, an idiot and would be prone to forgetting it).
Here's a comment from "Angst1991" (cool username, bro):

Because lj expects everyone to be dumb.

EVERY LIVEJOURNAL USER IS DUMB. PROVE ME WRONG.

me gots a date for 2moro really stoked
first actual date ina while...cause some people are afraid to leave home
but enough about that

Ohhhhhhh boy the idea of this man reproducing is a scary one. Also "me gots a date 2moro"? Seriously? What, are you a caveman who thawed and then somehow adapted to modern living? I'm not sure whether to be impressed now.

u dont know waht its like trust me
all these images in my mind
random laughter
keeping a smil on my face

you seriously thing u know me huh ?


try again

To quote Oblivion: "I don't know you and I don't want to know you!"

you think you know what lonlieness is...
well let me tell you
when you aint got a shoulder to lean on
a brother to mess around with
and no best freind to kick the shit with
what do you have...

Well maybe stop being such an emocunt and you'll have friends.

Tuesday, April 30, 2047 ..... thats the day im gonna day


acording to "the death clock"

I look forward to it. Only 39 years. When I awaken on Tuesday, April 30, 2047 I'll exclaim "I HAVE WAITED LONG FOR THIS DAY!"

am i that much different from the rest,
that some one would classifiy me as a totaly different kind of human
my only responce to that was agreeing....
look im flattered that you think im differnt and worth idiolizing
but now i got me self thinking....
what about me makes me so different

Ha, ha, ha, ha
ha, ha, ha
WHAT

i talked to jamie...
told her my birth day is in 13 days

"Yeah? And?"
Here's a post entitled "fighting is fun!" which leads me to believe our boy has never been in an actual fight before. Unless this is a metaphorical fight for something, in which case... No he's never been in a fight before.

one wrong move gramps and ill show you waht fear is

Ah, ha, ha, ha cool it, Vegeta.

giving 2 shits about enemys is not my style.

Yeah you're a regular space marine, kid.

dont say you fucking know me, then get shocked when i act imature
dont be all surprized when im a wise ass, and complain cause i insulted you

I'd love to see your insults. Actually, just kidding, I probably already have with shit like I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT FEAR IS!!!!!!!!!!! Goddamn what a putz.
Well, Mark or whatever, you're a cunt's cunt and I'm sure you'll be forgotten quickly. Not only by me, but by the world. Enjoy your life or whatever~

Oh My

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

I feel like I've run as far away as I can from who I am.

Metaphorically, presumably, since running from yourself is, of course, impossible.

I have completely changed my body, my lifestyle, my profession, my social and sexual habits... I am just a piece of who I am.

Uhh... I'm going to assume she means "a piece of who she was" otherwise that makes even less sense than I expected. How can you be more than you are? That doesn't even make sense. What, are you like Alpharius from Warhammer? One soul in two bodies?

I am something new and confusing.

SOMETHING SPECIAL AND UNIQUE, AND ALSO A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER--

I look back into my past, and I miss what I had and who I carried myself as. I was as open and vulnerable as a beautiful new flower, fully bloomed.

Fuck I was making fun of you, but you're serious.

Now I am a cactus. Can I go back? Would I really want to? Or did I get to this point as a defense mechanism?

Not sure where this is going now. Maybe it's time to drop the analogy and talk in more literal terms?

I wish I was prettier now. I wish I had more followers.

What, are you a cult now? By "followers" do you mean "friends"? If that's the case I think I see why everyone hates you.

I don't know that anything specific is wrong; I just think I deserve better than what I get right now.

Ha, ha, oh you. You "deserve" nothing. You get what you earn. Sometimes it's less than you expect, but your expectations and reality often are separate.

I work really hard at everything I do: my job, my chores, my appearance.

So do a lot of people. What's your point?

I am winning in so many ways, but this relationship is totally stagnant right now. It hurts and makes me feel so heavy sometimes. The feeling of unwantedness is like a heavy anchor, yanking me out of the clouds and into an abyss of loneliness and self-doubt.

Christ, could you be any more melodramatic?

My memories feel as dangerous and taboo as thinking about sex at work.

Uhhhhhhh, what?

I dare not tread on the images and haunting voices in my dreams.

What, are your dreams Promyvion from Final Fantasy XI? (hi references only I get)

I don't feel like complaining.

So... I guess the last paragraph and a half were something you didn't want to do, huh?

I need to get in touch with the spiritual side of myself again. I need to find my soul.

What is a soul, exactly? Define it. Is it your memories? Your emotions? Both? The essence of who "you" are? In which case it would be inseparable from your body, since your body and brain chemistry control all of these things.
You're silly for thinking there's a separate "essence" that has thus far remained undetected.
You're you. You're always you. You can never stop being you. If you've changed, then that's you changing. Somewhere along the line you wanted, or needed (or thought you needed) to change. That's it.
And aren't you glad? What if you were someone else? Yeah, it might be better, but it also might be a lot worse.

I feel a black hole inside me that is killing me from the inside.

No if you had a block hole inside you that'd be the end. You would be dead.

Atheism is devastating. I am not strong enough to live without a belief in something, even if only my personal strength and ability to change the world.

Err atheists can still believe in their own personal strength, or in the ability of society to perform, or even faith in (oh God) humanity. Atheism is just the rejection of supernatural beings, spirits, etc. No, lack of faith in anything at all would be cynicism.

Everyone was too chickenshit or self-absorbed to even ask if I was ok.

Ha, ha, ha, oh you. Classic case of "pot calling kettle black" I think.

I wish someone had just helped me. I wish someone had tried to find out what happened. I wish someone had tried to make me talk about it.

No, fuck you. Help yourself. The world isn't here to make *you* feel better every time you fall down and scrape your knee.
What is this bullshit? OH ALL MY DREAMS DIDN'T COME TRUE EVERYONE CHEER ME UP!

Here I am four or five years later, still singing the same song. How ugly! How black this world is to step on my flower buds.

Again, the world didn't step on your flower buds (whatever that means) the world doesn't even know you. Something unfortunate happened. You can either make it better on your own accord, or try to, or do what you're doing: being a total fucking cunt about it.
Given how this delightful journey has gone so far, I'm guessing it's all bitching from here on.

Buddhists believe that life is suffering. It is. But Buddhists also train to meditate on all emotions, especially suffering, to convert it into positive emotions like joy.

Actually Buddhism teaches we only know good feelings in relation to bad ones, so in a way, as you said, "all life is suffering" but the goal isn't to "convert" bad ones into good ones, the point is to transcend all emotions.

I've been struggling with this load for several years.

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

No end to my suffering cycle in sight. *sigh*

Actually Buddhism, like all religions, is a search for the truth and not just an escapist mechanism to end transient bad feelings, but whatever. Also many Buddhists devote themselves to meditation and contemplation and self denial. Not only that, but they do a lot of charity work and shit like that.
Self denial and thinking about someone other than yourself, I suspect, is something you're very unfamiliar with.

The Best Times you fucked me were by surprise. I can still remember feeling your pants around your ankles as you bent me over in my kitchen so many years ago.

Oh good grief.

The diamond-like stars in the sky drop wishes to Earth every day.

As opposed to the diamond-like stars in the Earth that fly wishes into the sky every day. Also isn't this a line from Mario RPG?

This week I broke my vow to leave you alone forever when I found you online.

A man is only as good as his word (a woman, her word, whatever). Scum.

I had this dream in August 2004, right before we broke up. I had a dream that I was in my "warm place" in the wedding dress I picked out. I was barefoot, and I saw the remains of a fire. I approached the charred wood and noticed a branch warped like a pretzel. I picked it up carefully.

I'm starving. I wonder if there are any soft pretzels about.
Oh, right, sorry. DO CONTINUE.

It was an infinity symbol. The ashes dirtied my lily white feet. Only a month later I called the wedding off.

The infinity symbol. A symbol of power. Earthly power, typically. That's why it's frequently depicted above The Magician's head in Tarot.

If it's not a spell, then something else paranormal is going on.

I think the clinical term is "stone cold fuck nuts".

But who cared? Who honestly gave a shit?

No one. Wait, no one does care.
Why am I still here posting about this?
I'm going to go get a delicious pretzel or something now.

Examine your thoughts

Wow today's poster is a total douchecunt. I almost cannot believe what I'm reading, it's that atrocious. One need only look at the title and description of this blog to see what is about to unfold, like a stink blossom blooming in the reeking mulch of the internet.

music and writing is life and dane cook is GOD!!

>Dane Cook
>implying he is even a mediocre comedianWe're in for it now, readers.

anime is crack but comic books are cheaper.

Ohhhhhhhhhh boy.

ninja is a verb!

No it isn't. Shut up.

so yay i got a new computer.

Oh goody now you get to keep updating your blog. Yes, you without a computer would be an absolute loss.

the dead is going to be there i think the president of the school not to mention my professors and peers are going to be there asking me questions about my experiment so im really nervous.

"My experiment on how to turn douchebaggery into a tangible essence."

i have my final for far east lit and im so glad that class is over. i regret every day taking that class.

Ah yes, faggot weeaboo here has to come to terms with the fact that Japanese culture doesn't revolve around anime and internet memes. Also Japan isn't the only Eastern Asian country (brotip: China is frequently the focus of these classes).

well the end of the school year is fast approaching so i figured i would post. just to warn you i just cut my finger doing dishes so its kidna hard to type so excuse the glaring spelling mistakes.

So what's your excuse for entries that occur weeks before this one and weeks after?
Actually I kind of like this excuse. Blaming something that has nothing to do with anything on your spelling and grammar.
Hey guys if I have any glaring grammar or spelling mistakes please forgive me because my huge penis often gets in the way of me typing.

as i was saying the school year is almost over and even though i still have to take a summer class to get my last freaking 3 credits im pretty excited to be alomst done with school.

>this guy with his mastery of English (none)
>implying he's graduating college

had the shole metaphysical quandry going a day or two ago just kinda freaking out about....well...everything. who am i what am i doing what is my life going to be and why am i here and all that.

That's not metaphysical, that's existential, but whatever. You are, after all, an idiot.
Not that anyone but nerds and wastes of space give a shit about philosophy.

havent posted anything intellignet in a while so figure why not.

"Haven't posted anything intelligent in a while ever so I figure 'why not?'"
Fixed that for you.

where art thou spring break.

wherefore* art thou. It's from Shakespeare you illiterate pleb. "O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art though Romeo?" is the line. It continues: "Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love And I'll no longer be a Capulet."
I don't even like Shakespeare so whatever, who cares?

my experiment for experimental psyc is almost done just have to gaehr the last of the data this week and do the analysis so i can write the last of it up.

I believe it's hard to fuck up the spelling of "gather" that hard, so I think that might actually be a word on Gaelic or perhaps German.

my research paper for senior sem is due in a week that i totally forgot about.

Good work. Way to shit the bed.

ok so im actually pretty confused right now. i had a pretty bad week of death and somehow i managed to finish all my work without dying and magically i got it all in on time.

Don't expect me to congratulate you, or anything. You did what you were supposed to do. Carry on.

i think i leveled up after this week.

Real life doesn't work that way, bro. Believe me, I've tried.

my cumulative GPA is 2.93 so im so close to my goal of over a 3.00 GPA.

And that is a C+, and that is satisfactory.

ok so yesterday was totally screwed. work was a total clusterfuck tho in general it was fnny as hell at the same time. i walked in and it was a freaking mess so they were like we need you to close. pleaseplease pleeeeease. so im like fuuuuuck....fine....bastards.

Wow this story is really interesting. In addition, it is told so well! Please, continue, good faggot.

to not be winy or over react or anything but you kno what. fuck it. what the fuck guys. seriously. what the fuck. why is it every time i turn around everyone is hanging out and no one even asks me if im around. or kristen for that matter? are we not friends any more?

You'd be that guy I'd try to avoid. I'd tell you the wrong time and place for gatherings to lose you. I'm dead fucking serious.

what no im totally no supposed to be writing a psyc paper thats due tommorow even though it was totally due last week *shifty eyes* so anyway yea hi eveyone whats up?

Good grief. This is serious, guys. So serious, in fact, that I'm leaving a comment to our boy here:
"You spell like an idiot. Please look into a book on grammar and diction before updating again. I assure you, it will do you good."
Do ho ho. Read it here, if he doesn't delete it.
I'll keep you apprised on this situation~

SPECIAL APOCALYPSE UPDATE

THE END TIMES ARE NIGH, FOOLS!
OUR DECADENT SOCIETY HAS ANGERED APOLLO AND IN HIS RIGHTEOUS FURY SAW FIT TO PUNISH US! CEASE AND REPENT!
Whew. What prompted that was TODAY'S BLOGGER IS ILL! VIOLENTLY ILL!
Such is the fate of man, to live a brutish, short existence, then extinguish, unremembered and unmourned, his mortal shell broken in-- okay I'll stop.

The last several days I have been down with a stomach bug. It has been a whole lot of not fun.

You know, instead of the variety of stomach flu that is tons of fun.

Tonight is the Death Cab Concert, and today the wolverine movie come out.

So you're not missing much.

And I feel like poop.

Shut up.

Most of you know that 1. I am fairly Uncomplaining and 2. I will usually just suck things up to deal with needing to go about my business, but I am seriously worried about not being well enough to be able to go see one of my favorite bands.

Yes, I knew this. I know you quite well, in fact. When I woke this morning I thought to myself "I WONDER IF BROKENBOUND IS ILL TODAY. IF SHE (?) IS THEN I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CLASS."

Point the Second: Birthday parties for me always leave me feeling like crap.

Wow that's really--

I have been feeling really really off recently. I don't feel affectionate AT ALL which is super weird for me.

What will become of the world without BROKENBOUND's affection?

And on top of being sick I have been pms-y for like a week now, and I am starting to worry ...

>affectionate
>PMS for a week straight
>sick
what is pregnancy?

((And No, there is no way I could be pregnant ))

Your denial of the possibility leads me to believe this is the correct answer.

I am crashing, and feel depressed. I don't feel like the stable pillar of my community that I usually am.

Pillar of the community ha, ha, ha. You're in fucking high school. You could drop off the face of the earth and no one, save your parents and your friends would know.

Perhaps it is for the best. School has me super stressed out. I have so many tests coming up and I got a B on a history exam ... So all of those nightmares about getting a B in that class, well they're coming true. And it's not for lack of trying.

Whatever faggot, I just got an A in Themes in Literature, which basically required me to be psychic. So that means I'm both a space marine AND psychic, which means I'm a force to be reckoned with.

There are so many things that I want to work on, but sadly the only one I have enough energy for is WoW. I feel really ill...

Oh, conveniently all you have energy for is WoW. Also fuck you and your World of Warcraft. I could kick the shit out of your shitty level 10 troll rogue (only character girls can roll, it's a rule) and I don't even play. Anymore.

And now, I will cease bitching.
Ally

No, ALLY, we're just getting started.

Last night was really awesome. I am working on a duet with Lauren and it's in Gaelic! Whoo!

Songs in dead languages not spoken for centuries by any important portion of the population (burn against Ireland).

The song is a lot of fun and is incredibly tragic.

>fun
>incredibly tragic
hmmm.

The speaker in the song says that she'll sell everything she owns, become a prostitute and a beggar, make her parents hate her so that her love can have a sword and defend himself and his country.

Wow that's very-- stately of her. A common theme running through these nationalistic songs, but I believe, personally, that a real man wouldn't expect his wife to do that. In fact, most men already have their own arms. You didn't see Odysseus pimping out Penelope, did you? No, he hopped in a boat and proceeded to kick the shit out of those Trojan assholes.
Holy shit what a badass.
Although Odysseus did kind of fuck up by trusting his kingdom to a bunch of COWARDS but he fixed that before anything bad happened (by killing everything that moved, he was seriously like Arnold Schwarzenegger in that movie Commando for 90% of two 400 page epics, even though he isn't in the Iliad all that much I like to imagine he's off doing manly things while Achilles is whining to his mom that all his friends were mean to him on the bus).
Wow this got a bit tangential.

Often times, I find myself as the group therapist, most of my friends bring their problems to me, and I help them through it.

Yes the world would CRUMBLE WITHOUT YOU.

Most times I can address my own feelings fairly objectively,

>my own feelings
>objective
You should probably look up "objective" because I don't think it means what you think it means.

My song for this year has been "Eye of the Storm" by the Cruxshadows.

This year isn't even half over. Shouldn't this be something you pick out at the end? Or at the beginning of the next one?

The last two days have been enlightening and filled with growth, love, growing closer, and having a more solid sense of the person that I am.

Well la-di-da.

Be comfortable and Confident in your sexuality. I am a sexual person, and often I tend to put what I want on the sidelines for my partner's satisfaction.

I had a picture to go along with this but Blogger is being a cunt so just imagine a humorous image to amuse yourself.
Now there's a lot of words I'm not reading.

Today, I get the final call from the grief counselor - they've made a finger print match - and they're sure. I finally lost it - though not for long. I need to keep being the pillar for my friends.

Cool font, bro. Also, yes, you are always bearing the cross for your friends. What a cool-- uhh-- bro.

My Texas Government and Politics class is going to be interesting.

>My Texas Government and Politics class
> Texas Government
>Texas
TEXANS!
PURGE THE BEASTS!
Well I guess that's everything. I actually started this entry earlier then I had to go to school for some weeaboo faggot shit and now I'm here way late and kind of lost my rhythm so oh well~
Incidentally, after rereading a post from a few days ago I might have implied Alexandria is in Greece. Alexandria is actually in Egypt. I don't know why I said that, but there it is.

Oh God what do I do?

Today the god of Livejournal has deigned to give me TWO possible candidates instead of the typical "sit here for half an hour and maybe there will be one" bullshit. WHAT DO I DO!?
This blog has longer entries... Yeah I guess I'll go with this one. RussellB, you're lucky.
First thing: maybe it's my allergy addled eyes, but I can barely read this fucking font. Is black font on a white background (or white font on a black background) that much of a problem for you people?
I guess so.

I just had the most beautiful picture put into my head. i was in the amazing forest with green all around and waterfuls and flowers. it was breathtaking.

Waterfuls. That's not even a word. I think anyone reading this knows me well enough to know how this thought is going to end.
Will she move on to talk about:
A. fucking
B. writing fanfiction
C. furfaggotry
D. Jesus
E. All of the above
Well if you picked "E" you'd be dead fucking wrong. Never pick all of the above. It's almost guaranteed to be the wrong answer.
The right answer was D.

I was running and i just imagined myself jumping as high as i could and not knowing where i would land. then at just the last second i was caught by Jesus and held like a little child.

Wow Jesus is pretty fucking strong to heft that much weight around. (P.S. I'm implying you're fat) (P.P.S. I know by your picture that you aren't, I was just being mean :3)

i will fall time and time again but it seems i'll always be caught just before i hit the ground.

Oh that's a risk I like to take when I'm falling. "It seems like this parachute will deploy." I suppose she doesn't mean literally falling but a metaphorical fall symbolizing mankind's Fall.

life is beautiful and i'm in love living it for the one who made it so. forget fear. forget change. forget the past. forget worry. forget whatever people decide to do.

Forget change? What if it's good change? I'm also purposefully ignoring the incredibly poor grammar in the second part of the first sentence.

i know what i'm supposed to do and where i'm supposed to go and thats all that matters.

That reminds me of something on my campus: The Campus Crusade for Christ, which makes me a little nervous, personally. Maybe I'm the only one who actually knows what you Christfags did the last time you had a crusade, but suffice it to say, I'm watching you. Scum.

i avoid confrontation and seeing people in pain breaks my heart. i also hate losing people.

Is that right? Well, you're a Christfag, so you must be familiar with the Bible, yes? Then, I have a book in that Bible for ye: The Book of Job. The Book of Job is probably my all time favorite because it shows not only what an awesome troll Satan is, but also what a fucking psychopath God is.
Here's what your favorite mythological character thinks of you:

And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

So there it is, he's going to do whatever the fuck he wants to anyway so why bother praying?
Oh boy it's my favorite time of the day: shitty poetry time.

I’ve always longed for a fairy tale
Maybe part of me never quite grew up
Perhaps I never really wanted to
It’s possible that reality and I will never coexist
I’ll stay here in my land of magic and wonder
Til’ the world fades away to eternity
Those of the world call me naïve
Others still a fool, but I tend to disagree
What’s foolish about believing in the impossible?
Why build a world on a notion of despair?
I’ve built my world on a foundation of rock
Fortified by faith, hope, and an amazing love
It’s something that won’t crumble with the unattainable
My world won’t shatter when I dare to dream
Perhaps it’s not a conventional tale to tell
Though perhaps that’s the best kind to express
For somewhere in this world that discourages all but reality
I’ve found a fairy tale complete with all I ever dreamed of

Further proving that poetry is regular sentences with random line breaks.
Oh another poem, but it's more of a riddle, so let's try to figure out who this person could possibly be.

They named him condemned

Despite the love in his eyes

They turned away

Despite the tears in his eyes

As they made their choice

So far I'm going to guess Gary Glitter.

So there he stood

Friend and brother

Ridiculed, betrayed

Leaving behind him

A trail of blood and tears

Leaving behind him a trail of blood and tears-- still going with Gary Glitter.

He named them forgiven

Despite the piercing nails

He never strayed

Despite the cross he was given

To save the undeserving

Oh, no, wait I know this one. Don't tell me-- is it Osiris?

There he stood

Friend and Savior

Risen, glorified

Shining with the light

Of his father in Heaven



They named him condemned

He named them forgiven

Yeah, definitely going with Osiris. I thought it might have been Gary Glitter at first, but I'm settling on Osiris now.
Okay there's another riddle afoot, and this time I don't think the answer is Gary Glitter OR Osiris.

"i love you for you
not for who you were
not who for will be
i love you for who are
in this very moment"

So whoever this person is doesn't love me for who I was or not who for will be (what) but for what I am THIS VERY MOMENT. Nope don't care this is stupid.

the only moment that is gaurenteed is the one i'm living in.

Guaranteed* and that's right: YOU COULD DIE AT ANY MINUTE!

well its a rainy day and i feel like i got a lot to say (and that totally rhymed booyah!)

when you compare my problems to those around me it's like i'm living the dream.

Well that's some dumb logic because compared to a billionaire your life is shit.

i have an unbelievable amount of hope. so therefore i believe in the unseen and hope for better days.

Yes, hope. Such a useful and worthwhile emotion. A lot of people are convinced you need hope to make life tolerable, but I completely disagree. Life is plenty interesting (and entertaining) when you trust that everything will go wrong. Just don't be down about it and it'll still be hilarious. Not "ha ha" hilarious, but kind like a black comedy. That's not to say you should be an emocunt about it and be completely hopeless, just don't fucking think about it. Although it is best to assume the worst is yet to come.

and sometimes it takes a lot of really bad shit (pardon my language) to make you realize that you just can't do it on your own.

PARDON HER LANGUAGE, GUYS. SHE'S JUST KEEPING IT REAL. I bet she paused for a moment after typing "shit" and wondered if she should edit that out. Well guess what: shit fuck cunt. No one cares on the internet.

i'm not ignoring my life. i'm living it for someone else.

Sounds healthy.

thats the beauty of faith, you always have something to hope for.

Even if you have to trick yourself into believing there's something to hope for. No, sounds great. Live a perpetual lie and ignore everything contrary to your favorite fairy tale.

i can do all things through Him who strengthens me :-).

i heard a story about a man who bought a car. When he brought the car home he discovered that it wasn't running right. He checked the owner's manual to see what could be the problem. The manual told him to check and make sure there was oil in the car. When he checked he discovered that there indeed was no oil in the car. The manual told him to put oil in the car if he wanted it to work. He scoffed at this "who are you to tell me what to do with MY car. i'll do what i want with it." so he decided to put honey in his car instead. When he tried to turn the car on it wouldn't work much to his amazement. the author of the owner's manual knew what was best for the car. he wrote it so the car would run right not so the man would have a set of rules that he had to live by.

God didn't give us rules to limit us. He gave us the bible to follow because He created us. He knows what causes us to run well and what causes us to break.

Except logically this man would have no reason to assume honey would make his car run. There's an objective truth to be had here. Honey does not make cars run. The Bible, however, is frequently (always) wrong on scientific (objective) issues (rabbits do not chew cud, bats are not birds, whales are not fish, the mustard seed is not the smallest seed in the world, the earth isn't flat, space isn't filled with water, etc) and as a moral (subjective) guide it's quite frequently, well, amoral. Like the part where it tells you to stone a disobedient child, or kill all witches (well that part I think we can all agree with).
That's not to say the Bible is completely faulty, though. There are some good lessons to be had, but those are so few and far between barbaric, bronze age reasoning that it's hardly worth reading. In fact, as a moral guide, things like the Iliad and the Odyssey are not only better written (truth) they're also of superior moral fiber because they don't condone beating children and stoning witches.

im trying to be patient but i'm not very good at it. i wonder if i hadn't prayed for patience if i wouldn't be given oppurtunities to be patient? who knows. point is i'm tired of waiting for whats gonna happen to happen.

Tired of waiting to become patient. Sounds like you have a patience problem.

i want to know what people really think. i'm tired of fluff and superficial conversations.

Ha, ha, no you don't. A lie is always preferrable to the truth. As H.P. Lovecraft said: "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents."
Well that's it. I'm bored and you're a cunt, so~

Them blogs, man

Them blogs.
What do you, dear reader, consider the greatest piece of literature ever composed? Your answer doesn't actually matter, even if its drivel like Twilight because what is for certain is that it is not Whisper in the Darkness.
First thing I have to mention: holy Christ I've been struck blind (and stupid) by the shitty layout.
So first she poses a simple (deceptively so) question to herself:

What change have you made in your life that you're most proud of?

Okay, to which she responds:

To become a lesbian. And not cutting myself. That I'm most proud of.

When your "most proud" change is defined by that which you haven't done I think you've fucked up somewhere.
Also "to become a lesbian" doesn't really seem like an answer to the question. I'm sure what she tried to articulate with her tiny, tiny mind was "I became a lesbian" (see, present tense) but whatever.

Well I called Tim to wish him a happy easter and he didn't stop calling me the other day. I don't know what is up with him. I just wanted to wish him a happy easter and nothing more.

As I understand it some people enjoy talking to people they like, and try to do so frequently and sometimes share their thoughts and emotions with this person. Also they frequent social events together. This relationship isn't romantic. I think you might call this relationship "friendship" but I don't know.

If he wants to talk to me talk to me online don't call me.

If he wants to talk to me, (comma) talk to me online. (period) D(upper case)on't call me.

Anyways I have a girlfriend and she is the love of my life.

I know you said "anyways (sic)" but you should still probably qualify sudden shifts in thought with a paragraph break or some kind of connective thought (or even an admission that these thoughts are unrelated).

I think I'm going to move in with her. Yes that is what I will do. We are getting this big fucking place in suffield and I'm going to move in with her.

When I entered the 6th grade I was encouraged to vary my sentence structure to keep it interesting for my readers.

I hope that it is the right thing to do I think it is.

No punctuation mark is not the correct option here. There are many, many choices, rest assured. Indeed, each offers a slightly different shade of meaning while all are correct. You could have broken this into two sentences, added a comma, added a dash-- anything, really. You're clearly a special case so I'm going to be unusually merciful and give you half credit for things I would typically regard as incorrect (colon, semicolon).

Kathy doesn't but I do because god loves everyone and he who is without sin cast the first stone I always say.

Again I need you to bridge your thoughts better. Also: God loves everyone, eh?
That is true about casting stones and shit, though.

Mary mag was a prostitute I think that is even worse than gay.

Oh-- didn't you just say not to judge and shit?
Also by your wording, homosexuality is implicitly bad, prostitution is just "worse". Personally I'm okay with both but I guess we can't all be Christ-like like me~

Jesus loved her. So I say he loves gays too. I mean the world has changed I mean the male gene will not exist in another 2000 years if we manage to not blow our selves up and find a way to produce clean things for the environment.

I see your understanding of biology, genetics and the environment is as startlingly vast as your knowledge of the Bible.

They say the male chromosome is getting smaller and smaller it said on the discovery channel and all that will exist is female.

Well if the Discovery channel says it, hey. Who am I to judge?

We will be a planet that is totally asexual.

No-- you'd still be female. Asexual would be without gender. Not requiring coitus to reproduce.

We won't need to have sex to procreate.

So because all men die women will magically be able to reproduce asexually? How might that be? Spontaneous evolution?

The female gender is the dominant one out of them all.

I'm going to ignore for the moment that the male chromosome is surprisingly resilient and far, far more adaptive than this stupid cunt thinks.

Although we would probably be like we couldn't live without men but you know what we would find a way to preserve the male chromosome if that was happening so I think we would always have men just they would be toys. There would be discrimination towards them. ha ha ha. Just like fucking slavery only there to pleasure us and then be thrown away.

"Subject displays sadomasochistic tendencies" is what I'd be writing down on my notepad if I had to analyze her psyche.

I would love to see the female as a dominant species because man has reigned far too long.

Say what you will about every ruler ever (male or female), at least they're not you.

I just feel my life has been such a wasteful one. I'm now 26 and I'm not even married not like gay people can get married but hey at least I could get domestic partnership to her.

Wow. You're now 26. Your entire life up until now has been a waste-- and it's now over. You cannot possibly recover from this. Your life is over.

I will take it slow but not being cocky or anything she will eventually have to say that she is married to me.

Ironic that you say you won't be "COCKy" as if you could be-- ha, ha, ha.

Take my name at least instead of her name Missy White.

Sounds like you're hoping to marry a stripper or perhaps a porn actress.

I'm going to bank of america tomorrow to get the remaining 50 bucks that I owe him.

Wouldn't you be giving instead of getting? Whatever. Suddenly I'm reminded of that Rolling Stones song.

I want us to lead a non dramatic life and I eventually want to move in with her. I hope Tim approves of it.

Making a note of this in my psychological pad, too. "Expressed deep hatred of men but still seeks the approval of an unrelated male acquaintance." Then beside that I'd write "issues with father?" Or perhaps "Electra complex?" to remind my note pad that I have a fucking psychology degree.

I just hope this autoimmune disease if I have one doesn't bring me down because I'll be devestated.

Devastated*
Also now I'm thinking of that song by ELO.

Which day of the week do you least look forward to? And which one do you most anticipate?

No one gives a fuck, next entry--

Well I told tim her friend that see he is gay so I'm not worried about anything.

W-- What? This is like when a CD skips and five lines play over each other at once.
I'm going to take this slow, word by word, and see if I can get some sort of sense out of this.
Well I told Tim, her (girlfriend, presumably) friend that-- and here is where I'm confused. Is this an aside? If so, shouldn't this be its own sentence? Also what would you be worried about? That Tim is suddenly going to swoop in and turn your girlfriend (who is a lesbian I assume) heterosexual? Well I only know one Tim (me) and he is absolutely capable of such raw feats of masculine conquest, so perhaps you are wrong in not worrying.
Let's continue. Perhaps this will all make sense in due time.

I don't have any doubts about this relationship. I loved her from the moment I met her. I know now I'm a lesbian and i will never ever be with another man.

This isn't going to make sense, is it? Also I like how you say you have "no doubts" about your relationship but then go on to say "I love her"... Five times, by my count, in one entry. Trying to convince yourself, I see.

I would probably commit suicide knowing I couldn't be with her.

"Subject is clingy, melodramatic and has attachment issues."

Well one that made me really angry is that muslim woman who got her vagina sodomized for talking to another muslim man.

Wow this is like a Zen riddle. You can't perform sodomy on a vagina since it is, by definition, anal or oral copulation.

We should send all the women to college in iraq for free.

Brilliant solution. You're like those beauty pageant winners (sans the beauty): "WE SHOULD JUST GIVE EVERYONE A MILLION DOLLARS!!"

I'm a lesbian just to let you guys all know that. I am and I don't care what anyone thinks or what the bible tells me.

Well you are very wrong in assuming I care. Which I don't.

I don't know about you Christians but I think you all are basically unhappy people to begin with.

All Christians are miserable. All I'd have to do is show you one happy Christian.

I don't know if this is a generalization but it isn't because I've noticed how unhappy Christians are.

You don't know if it's a generalization? Quick brotip: if, at any time, the word "all" comes up, it's a generalization.

I just have to say last night was amazing. I totally am into Missy. I don't care if it makes me gay or not.

This is the second time you've stated you "don't care". Hey you don't have to convince me.

I'm a man hater because I don't think there is a single man out there that is good. I think men are evil. Maybe there are a few but in the general they all just want to get into your pants and bang you.

Yeah like you're such a hot commodity.
Well I could go on, so I will.

I did sexual things to her. I guess you could say we had sex.

This is the first time I've ever laughed out loud at one of these fucking things, and for all the wrong reasons. Really, you did sexual things, so you had sex?

Oh and I weigh 200 lb's now so thats good.

Gross.
Okay I'm officially done now. I probably could continue, but this entry seems to be dragging on and on so I guess I'll go~