Apoplexy

Friends only! is a myth.
This blog is friends only and I kind of wish it were a myth too but here we are, so clearly I'm staring it down as I type.
I'm not sure how to describe this blog but it's pretty archetypal. "Woman being twit" would be the most obvious branding but I'm pretty sure if you look left you can find a listing of about 500 entries that share more than a passing similarity to that description.
It's not that I'm sexist it's just that most bloggers happen to be women.
Or act like women.
Anyway it's all very complicated.

Hello, peeps. Hello as well to bunny peeps, patriotic red/white/blue peeps, and the like. Just some updates, nothing too thrilling, but you're still reading, so yay.

I just turned this song on and suddenly I feel a lot more stately than I did previously.
Name one soundtrack better than the Final Fantasy Tactics soundtrack.

Just got back int from walking the dog. Yes, we now have a dog. Crandall was giving away his dog, Bella, so we agreed to take her. I thought it was a bad idea to get a dog at this point in time, but I was overruled. She is cute, she's part golden retriever, part something else. She has very short ears. they're still the floppy kind, not the stick-uppy kind. I like her, she's a sweet, affectionate dog, but very stubborn.

I'd just like to take a moment to say bloggers as a whole have a very bad habit of telling, not showing. This single paragraph has more exposition than both of my two previous stories I've written combined.
Describe characters through action or their speech. If you can't and you can't mention it in passing, the detail is irrelevant and the audience doesn't need to know!
WRITING.

I am sick and tired of being here. There are too many people in the god damned house all the time. I can never get any peace. The people that are supposed to be here invite a shit ton of people over. They make noise, eat our food, and leave messes everywhere. I am tired of there always being someone else in the bathroom every time I turn around to want to pee or shower. I'm tired of having to go upstairs and fill up plastic jugs full of water to lug downstairs to refill the animal's water bowl, or to rinse my pasta. I'm tired of having a broken dryer, tired of stepping in water from a leaky toilet valve every time I go into the bathroom. I'm tired of scrounging food out of whatever I can, because the food stamp budget runs out halfway through the month.

Oh tired of scrounging food?
Looked into an occupation?

I remember at one point eating two meals a day for an entire week consisting of spoonfuls of peanut butter, and glasses of chocolate milk. Not even sandwiches, because gluten free bread is not one of those things that's cheap and can buy anywhere, like regular bread.

Living on handouts means you have to get rid of your fictional food allergies.

So, yeah, just eating peanut butter off a friggin' spoon.

Is there anything better than a spoonful of peanut butter?

Hello, all. I'm at Craige's house.

How do you pronounce "Craige" exactly?
Is it like Craig?
Cray-j (soft g)?

Been here for three days. It's kind of nice so far, except today Craige's mom stole his money and drove off like a frigging dirty thief. It's disgusting. Anyway. Enough disgust. I've just been chilling since I got here. Craige ordered some bulk foods from amazon for me.

Crayj.
Cray-guh?

We're also going to go to Famous Dave's. It's a barbecue place that makes these ribs that are amazing. They re-awakened my love for barbecue. They have, like, five different kinds of sauces sitting right at the table, it's fantastic, and they're all delicious. We'll probably see a movie while we're there, 'cause it's movie theater-adjacent.

I can't eat gluten but ribs with God-knows-what kind of sauce goes down smooth as butter.
I know ribs have nothing to do with an inability to digest gluten but I dunno I still call bullshit.

I wish I could socialize more. I know a ton of people that would hang out with me(unless they're just saying that 'cause they know they'll never meet me), but everyone lives far away. The only local friend that I have is Sarah, and she's never here anymore. If I'm lucky, I see her once a month now, when she used to come over every frigging day in the past.

What about cree-guh?

When she does visit, it's only for a very short period, like maybe 15 minutes, half an hour, something like that. I'm sure everybody who passes through this house (my brother's friends, basically), wonders why I'm always in my room, on the computer, talking to Craige all the time.

Kraid.
You know, from Metroid?

Are there any subjects you either embrace or totally avoid talking about when you meet someone new?

I'll talk about whatever dumb bullshit they want to talk about because if we talk about what I want to talk about they'll get lost.
Peasantry.

Er, religion. People tend to think I worship the devil or something. I'm a Wiccan, not a Satanist. :P

You're a bullshitter is what you are.
True story: I pissed a girl in high school off once in science class and she wanted to cast one of her little Wiccan spells on me but needed my permission.
What kind of bullshit spellcasting is that? You need the victim's permission to inflict harm? Who is going to say yes?
Well I did because I feel my collective video game experience would at least give me high magic resistance and either it didn't work or I'm right because here I sit.

Internal Monologue:

One Part of my Brain: "I laugh at people and think they're hugely lame dorks when they freak out over something I'm not interested in. Then I turn around and dork out like crazy over Harry Potter and Eragon. Does that make me a hypocrite?"

Other Part: "Yes. Yes it does."

Internal monologue:
One part of my brain: holy shit this woman is a cunt.
Other part: holy shit, yes.

Well, I figures it's about time I make another post. It's been about ten days since my Birthday, and I still don't feel any different. I think it's because I got used to referring to myself as 25 before I actually turned 25, so the transition wasn't strange.

There's a lot of transitioning to be done from age 24 and 364 days to age 25.

Anyway, I feel especially immature right now, because yesterday I had a dream that I was still in school. I mean, high school, or junior high, not like college.

You're supposed to be out of college by the time you're 25.
Unless you're a doctor.

In the dream I felt that I was going back to school, but not that i was done with it, but I had one more year that I didn't attend, so that's why I was there. Like dreams are supposed to, it gave me the feeling I was actually there. Not the physical feeling, but the emotional state that I felt when was actually in school. I wish I could interpret dreams well. All I can do is guess what they might mean for me. Do I feel I'm still too young? Do I feel like I reached adulthood too soon, that I should still be in school?

IS THIS THE REAL LIFE?
IS THIS JUST FANTASY?
CAUGHT IN A LANDSLIDE
NO ESCAPE FROM REALITY
OPEN YOUR EYES

Well the only way I can learn about the real world is to go out into it, there's really no other way. One thing I'm very sure of is I can't stand being so far away from Craige all the time.

Kratos. From God of War?
Also god of power in Greek mythology.
I don't know why I can't get over this Craige name.

I get this anxiety sometimes when we're close to saying goodnight on Skype, like I desperately don't want to say goodbye to him. I don't want to hang up and go to bed alone. Craige is urging me to see a therapist;

Kaldor.
From Warhammer?
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I think "Craige" vaguely reminded me of "Kraid" from Metroid if you pronounce it with a soft g sound but now I'm just thinking of fictional characters whose names start with a K sound.

he has one, and he talks about how much better it makes him feel. I know it would be so liberating to pour all my feelings out, all my anxieties and worries and perhaps articulate these feelings I don't have a name for. I'm not suicidal, or depressed, thankfully, but it would be nice to talk with someone and work out some of my issues, maybe improve myself a little bit. I want to wait until Mom comes home, to suggest therapy for me. Dad worries about me too much, sometimes irrationally so.

Maybe that's where you learned that behavior from?
Everyone should pay me to solve their problems.
However you must take my advice.

I want to go down to Craige's, but I don't want to leave right after she gets here.

Kayvaan Shrike.
Also from Warhammer.
I can do this as long as you can, Craige.

Hello, everyone, today is my 25th birthday! Yay! Nothing going on today, really. Dad's going to give me my present when he gets home from work later.

He's going to molest you.
It's long overdue.
I don't even know what I mean by that.
I think I just advocated child molestation in this blog.
Most tasteless joke I've ever told?

I swore to post more, and I haven't, really. I'm ashamed. Not that there's been much to post about, but still. Dad's still in Florida, I've been basically by my lonesome here. Chris, my brother, is usually working at his job where he makes money that he spends only on himself. Feh.
Well it is his money.

See what I mean? If only the father had done is fatherly duty and molested her a little it might have evened her out.
Ok I'll stop.

I keep getting up really late, like quarter to five or so, which is not good. It's a hard cycle to break. I'm not tired until late(early?), because I got up really late, so then I wake up late because I stayed up late, etc. I forced myself to bed, around 4:30.

I fall asleep at 5 and I still manage to get up at 1.
SUMMER MOTHERFUCKER WOOO.

Random thought: When you change your name, what happens when you need to show your birth certificate for something? How is that all taken care of?

... They give you a new birth certificate?
Are you stupid or something?

Also, I found out Craige's mother

The Aggro Crag.
From GUTS?
Remember that show?
Yeah me neither.

is even more of a shit person than I thought she was. The day after the accident, I wasn't cleaning my dishes. I was just leaving them in the sink. Because I was in pain. Up until then, I've been trying to clean up after myself. I just wanted to rest as much as I could. Well, it turns out she was bitching to Craige that there were dishes in the sink. She was angry that I, who was in severe pain, didn't wash dishes one day. The messed up thing is that she didn't even yell at me for it. She yelled at Craige.

Oh boy. I need two things that sound vaguely like "Craige" now.
Well if "Kayvaan Shrike" counts this shouldn't be an issue--
Maybe I should actually read these words instead of just playing this weird game.
Sorry I can't get more than two words without my eyes crossing. Something about dishes and an accident--
OH
YEAH.
Warhammer always bails me out. Pedro KANTOR and CANIS Wolfborn.
Hard K and hard K, baby.
Huh, what am I doing again?

Craige. She doesn't even care how much pain I'm in, and she doesn't care that Craige has nothing to do with my actions. Craige tells me that every thing I do that she has a problem with,

Oh God three Craiges in one sentence!
I'm in trouble now!
I also use that picture to reference my earlier quoting of Queen.
It felt more appropriate here, though, for some reason.
What am I doing?
Speaking of those creepy fucking snow monkeys:
I had an entire speech in Japanese class a few semesters ago about how those snow monkeys are the devil.
Seriously every year they come down from their creepy mountains (more like the mouths of hell) and kill a bunch of old people.
And this is your national treasure, Japan? Really?
Compare and contrast:
snow monkey
Predator
Beady yellow eyes, creepy elongated face, killer instinct
facial cloaca--
and hey, while the Predator was bound by the code of the hunt and they'd only fight targets they find challenging, snow moneys frequently target old women and young girls.
I HAVE CONCLUSIVELY PROVEN SNOW MONKEYS ARE MORE OF A MENACE THAN PREDATOR ALIENS.

So, I thought I was having a good day. I went to the beach, with my brand spanking new bathing suit, and sat on the beach and let the waves wash over me. I splashed around, and had a wonderful time. Craige

Oh right. I've been derelict of duty.
I need four Craige counters now.
Uhh--

and I walked back to the house, and I got in the shower to wash the sand out of my bathing suit. I kept it on in the shower, so I could just take it off and rinse the sand out while I showered. I decided to sling my suit over the curtain rod. Unfortunately, it's not attached to the wall. I slipped, the curtain rod came down, and I fell and hit the side of the bathtub square in the chest. I crawled out of the bathroom, half naked, and gasping for air, and collapsed onto the floor of Craige's room. I was sopping wet, in severe pain, and I couldn't breathe. His mom got me a towel, and I had to sit there and try to catch my breath. I was in a lot of pain, so they drove me to the E.R.

Ha, ha, ha oh God.

I managed to put on my pajamas before I left, thankfully. I was seen fairly quickly, for which I was thankful. I got x-rayed, and it turns out there was no severe damage. I didn't fracture any ribs, and I didn't mush any organs. While I was waiting, they gave me a motrin and a percoset. It didn't kick in until I was getting ready to leave. I don't know why everybody's always going on about pain medication. I thought it felt horrible.

Well yeah. They gave you Percocet because you fell on your bottom.

Today's Craige's 25th birthday, also our 2nd anniversary. We've been together two years already! It's hard to believe. We're going out to dinner tonight. It's this place called Ginza, it's a japanese restaurant. It's the kind where they cook the food in front of you. I believe it's called a hibachi grill.

Not sure though.
Google? What?

A word/phrase I love for a reason I cannot discern: "Clusterfuck".

Suggestions for "Clusterfuck" by spellcheck: Cluster, Lackluster, Blusterous, Knuckleduster. What the hell is a knuckleduster?

Brass knuckles you twit.
Other things I don't know:
Google.com
Wikipedia.org
Asking a friend

I realize how bad my problems with gluten are, how much I've lapsed on my diet lately. At the present, I'm reading a thread in the celiac comm about someone who has problems resisting foods with gluten, just like I do. I think I'm going to go write negative stuff about gluten on the chalkboard decals in my room, stuff like, "Eating gluten gives you CANCER!" Because it very well could.

Too bad it can't give you rapid-onset AIDS.

I know Mom and Dad won't like this, but I'm going to ask for my own pots, pans, and instruments for myself, which nobody is allowed to use but me, A.K.A. "Dedicated" stuff.

DENATURING PROTEINS VIA CHEMICAL INDUCTION?
IMPOSSIBLE. YOU SPEAK IN RIDDLES, SORCERER!

The only reason they won't like it is because this costs money for extra pans, which we are low on at the moment. At least I know that when Craige and I have our own place one day, he's okay with our house being completely gluten free. Just have to deal here, the best I can.

Or you could get some dish soap.
Seriously if you can get the starch out of flour by soaking it in cold water I think a little Dawn will get that shit off your pots.
Anyway this entry is way too long now so I'm going to go find something more productive to do with my time.

Dumb, boring bullshit

Hiding behind a "you are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors" is a surefire way to bore me instantly. In the history of Edie Finds a Corpse have I ever stumbled across a blog that had material "inappropriate for minors"? I can't recall a time where hiding 'neath the blinding surface was pornography or a raunchy sex story or a grand tell of crime and villainy. I always click it and it's "HAVING TROUBLE WITH MY TAXES THIS YEAR" which I swear to Christ we are about to read.
Oh boy is it coming.

Now that Arnold Schwarzenegger is returning to acting, which of his film characters would you like to see him play first?

Well Commando is one of my favorite movies and they haven't shit all over it yet so I guess Commando might be fun to ruin.

I'd like to see him do something entirely new. I'm tired of Hollywood rehashing everything, especially of things they've already redone several times. Give him something with a little more depth than catchphrases and bone-crushing stunts.

The man has the acting range of a foghorn. I don't think "something with a little more depth" is Arnold.

Instead, the post I'm making now is an emergency. And I absolutely, thoroughly hate that it's gotten to this.

Alex is still out of work. No one has followed up with him. He's gotten a letter saying what we're approved to get for unemployment ($330 a week), but no check has been forthcoming. We don't even know when we'll get one.

I'd like to point out by Livejournal's rating standards this entry requires you to be a legal adult to read. That is one year higher than an R-rated movie or an M-rated video game.
This blog has the same requirement that it would take to walk into an adult bookstore and buy hardcore pornography.

We need help, big time, right now. We can't afford to be evicted; there's no where we can go. I can't go homeless again. And if it weren't for me, Alex would be seriously contemplating something dire.

We'll try to get what help we can from Georgia DHS... but for now, we just need to keep a roof over our heads.

Change you can believe in.

I'm happy to consider giving any of my services in return for immediate help.

HEH NOW I SEE WHY THIS BLOG IS 18+
STEALTH PROSTITUTION ON LIVEJOURNAL.

Do you want me to draw something for you? Give consultation on an interior design project? Draw up some plans? I can hand render and I've got AutoCAD. Do you want me to write something for you?

Oh. Those services.

I've almost got my monologue for V-Day memorized. I'm performing "Hair," and the director loves what I'm doing with it. My main notes for this week consist of continuing to memorize, because that's going to aid me with enunciating and projecting my voice. Considering the character, I think that's doubly needed: she wants to make sure that she's heard.

No context necessary, please.
This is seriously about as interesting as the Final Fantasy XIV threads that are always entitled something like "why I quit" like anyone cares why that you quit.
"I know I got a friend code from a friend and played all the way to level 5 on miner so I feel fully justified in telling you my personal journal in this game."

A little bitch session about my Ancient Art & Architecture class -- though really, to be fair, maybe it's a bitch session about SCAD and how all the good resources are in Savannah and Atlanta has to beg. Anyway... so today, we're supposed to talk about the Parthenon frieze.

Triglyphs. What's there to know?

Our professor wanted us to read approximately 50 pages of material and photocopy 7 pages of images to assemble (before class, preferably, though we'd spend time in class going over them).

Taking art history at UNCG, I see.
Christ all mighty.
Whoa sorry ended up having some leather orders to fill for bros in FFXIV then I did some leves then I ate dinner and then I washed the gimp and basically found any excuse not to keep reviewing this blog.
And now that I think about it, leves reset again.
See you Wednesday~

Good Grief

OH NO WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING?
This blog is everything I've ever spoken about that's wrong with people and more.
We have all the signs: the black background with the birds flying in front of the moon, the "oh you have to be 14+ to read these deeeeeeeeeeep thoughts" the self-important bint who fancies herself a deep, free soul who has a child out of wedlock, cheated on her boyfriend and then wonder why literally everyone hates her.
I mean I could just copy and paste responses from previous entries and you'd never know.
In fact this blog is so familiar I wouldn't be surprised if I haven't already reviewed it.
She even does that thing of "I lost my inspiration so I left Livejournal and it has been two years since I last updated (because, you know, updating Livejournal really requires a lot of inspiration and dedication).
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.
Also today's Writer's Block:

If you had a special power, would you hide it or share it with the world, and why?

Depends on the power.
I'm not even pretending like I'd end up a super hero, though. I doubt I'd be a super villain, though-- I'd probably end up like the Green Hornet.
Just kind of doing what I want.

If I had a special kind of power, I would hide it all from the world. Why? So I wouldn't be the center of attention, so I wouldn't be asked to do anything. I'd like to do it all on my own. Helping the world out piece by piece. I'd rather find someone that loved me for me with or without the power, and then tell them.

Or maybe I'd become supremely egotistical like Maxie Zeus and try to find someone equal to my GODLY FORM.
How the hell do I know so much about super heroes?
I don't even read comic books and yet I managed to name drop the Green Hornet and Maxie Zeus.
I just realized I do have a super power: precognition. I somehow know shit without knowing it.

If you were a cross-breed between two animals, what animals would they be, and why?

FURRY ALERT.
Did you know the Russians tried to crossbreed men with gorillas to create a new super soldier?
I am not joking. That really happened.

I'd love to be a cross-breed of a cat and a panther. I know they're of the same species but the both have different qualties. I'd have double the amount of lives one cat has, 18 lives ;)

Well, 19 lives because you also have one as a human.

I'd be able to sprint at various speeds. Climb trees, land on all fours, and live carelessly like a cat!
& I'd be able to 'puurrrr," ;)

Humans definitely can't run at various speeds or climb trees.
Hey wait--
Now here's an entry called "Robert;" which leads me neatly into my next point: this woman doesn't know how semicolons work.

thought about you alot today, talked about you and reminised about the good times.
I remember when you said you'd always be there, that you'd be my Guardian Angel,
well I'm in dire need of your affection. I call out for you in my dreams, please come
back, make me okay, make everything okay. Make me smile. I miss you.

That's what happens when you get mixed up with dumb cunts, Robert.

So I have a confession. I was seeing two guys before I got pregnant. One was my first love, and the other was an ex boyfriend. I slept with them in the same week.

:V

I was 80% sure it was the ex boyfriends. Now my first love posted a baby photo of himself on facebook, and my daughter and him look alike. Red hair, same nose, and same eyebrows. I don't know what to think ..

Bastard children.

Ive got a bad feeling. My boyfriend had some stuff stolen from the house which was technically his friends, and since theyre really good friends, his friend thinks my boyfriend should go along for the ride to beat the shit out of this guy because it was stolen from our house.

Seems like a good idea to me.

Now, his friend is really dumb, naive and doesnt care what happens because he thinks he is so invincible, but we have a daughter at home, and if I lose my boyfriend over something to petty, than Im nothing without him. My boyfriend didnt even want to go, but his friend basically called him out.

The daughter that might have been conceived by a different party.
Or maybe this is yet another boyfriend. The previous entry listed one potential father as "ex-boyfriend" but since I always go in reverse chronological order maybe they broke up between entries but then again I can't imagine such a prime chance to bitch and moan would be passed up.

Although his so called "good friend" should understand that; staying at home with his wife and daughter are way more important than what theyre about to do.

Just going to jump some yahoo, baby. We'll be back before dinner.

- now when I say I have a bad feeling, I have a bad feeling and cannot avoid the ovbious. Something bad always happens. I got that sense in me. I dont know what to do besides sit here and wait ...

If only there was some sort of government organization that handled criminal affairs.
Maybe they could have people that rode around troubleshooting the complaints of the citizens and if they catch someone who maybe stole something they could take this person to a place where they had barred rooms or something.
Unfortunately to my knowledge no such institution exists.
Although proving you actually had something stolen is classically difficult so maybe handling this internally would be the surest and most expedient means by which to render JUSTICE.

; I haven't written on LiveJournal in over 2 1/2 years. I've kept a journal but I've stopped writing about a month or two before I gave birth. To be completely honest, I think I stopped writing because I lost my inspiration, the real reason why I wrote. I was on top of the world, who would have thought I would fall? Can you stop the free fall? Can you stop the screaming?

FREE FALLIN'
OUT INTO NOTHING
Also you may notice this paragraph of nonsense begins with a semicolon. That is not an editing error on my part: the sentence literally starts with a semicolon and there is nothing before it.
You might think it is somehow joining the title of the thing to the body but nope, the title is --.
I feel like I'm reading through a ROM with a hexviewer. Sometimes you find all sorts of crazy messages from the developers which are often written as poorly as these blogs are but while no human was intended to read these messages, here this sits, on display for the world.
If you're nerdy enough to have done something like that.

hey guys its been awhile since ive updated

but im doin good. its me an my bf's one yr anniversary :)
should be basically happily married :) its rather twisted.

Actually to correct my earlier statement that "I don't read comics" I have read one.
It's called Arkham Asylum and it was fucking hardcore, man.
It stars Batman and he goes to an insane asylum.

im wrkin at Giant Tiger haha.

still blazin. got my nose stuck in yayo.

ugh getting a tattoo.

For those of you blissfully unaware of the corrupted, low speech of the ignorant: "yayo" (or "yeyo" if you're not illiterate) is cocaine.

hopefully moving out of the parents house soon.

ugh thats bout it,,
loving life :)

peace easy

I guess so.
Here's an entry with dark purple (on a black background) font that is, I am not making this up, size .5. Additionally, it is underlined in light gray and the underscore is larger than the font.
Not even going to attempt to read this.

i guess i have known all along that

everything is about mind, body & soul ..

but i could never figure out what i was to do with it .

.maybe i was suppose to embrace it ..

lather it in .. drown in it .. something ..

i should know my mind in through out ..

What the fuck?
Ok just to give you an idea of what I put up with, I'm going to copy this entry exactly as she has it, so you get to experience the font and everything:

what do i think about .. who to think about ..

why do i think about it .. where to think about it ..

i should know my body and be comfortable

with my body .. no one is to judge .. i am flawless ..

i am beauitful .. i am desirable .. am i not ?

the only thing i am left with is doing some

soulsearching

I HATE ALL PEOPLE.
MY BIND BURNS WITH SUCH HATE THAT YOU'VE NEVER SEEN.

when i dont know what questions to ask ..

how to go about it .. nothing along those lines ..

i dont even know how to start, where to start,

even yet why i am even wondering ...

Oh good, adding an underline to it. MY RAGE BURNS INCANDESCENT.

im a wreck ..
ive gone and spun myself out of control ..

but i thinks its going to be okay ..

the only thing left on my list is
> Gavin ..

>Implying Gavin

i want to get fucking stoned or really fucked up on pills ..
i need a hard drug ...

If only you'd overdosed.

yea .. well .. im kind of getting back into this ...
you guys have missed out on quite a bit but thats okay ..
its only me and my life ..

"missed out on quite a bit" being relative, of course.

.. yea well i dont want to be with my boyfriend no more ..
i don tknow him and he dont know me ..
we are two opposite people ..
hes outgoing, spontanious and just a wild animal ..
i cant control him ...

Because all healthy relationships are built on control.
And cocaine.

.. my best friend confessed his undying like for me ..
i love him with all my heart but ..
you know how it is ..
it just wouldnt work ..
or im just too stubborn and scared of
the word love ...

Well, hey.
If you got bad news, wanna kick the blues, cocaine.
When your day is gone and you wanna ride on, cocaine.
And what follows is:
entry with .5 font. Dark blue text, black background.
Entry with .5 font. Electric purple text, black background.
Entry with .5 font. Bright orange text, black background.

i got my first paycheck! wahoo! but yea.. this is my list

- new bong. or glass pipe.
- pair of black jeans.
- shoes.
-ummm ... dope !!

I am so fucking impressed right now.
Holy shit I don't even care anymore.
Time to do something else.