Furries & Cthulhu

Furries and H.P. Lovecraft.
This is a thing.

Who or what is your opposite?

Today's writer's block.
A lot of people expressed confusion at this question because they're stupid.
My complete opposite is Livejournal.

Someone who goes '!!! ngathF uhluhtC aI aI' I'd guess.

Get it because Cthulhu cultists say Cthulhu Fhtagn in H.P. Lovecraft stories, and that's Cthulhu Fhtagn written backwards.
Oh that's not funny.
Whatever.

Quick post...I got a new car. Got a brand new 2012 Kia Rio LX. Black, manual, and it goes zoom. *happy dance* Pictures come later.

I skimmed a couple of posts where he says shit like "I'm a happy fox" and the gay little "happy dance" bullshit was really the topper. I feel my fury building.
Soon I'll be able to unleash my fury bar and time slows down and killing heals me.

Monday. *sigh* And I'm already wishing for a relaxing weekend. Hell, I need a day off to recover from the weekend. Note to homeowners, while the peel and stick vinyl floor tiles are an order of magnatude easier to deal with, the sticky gloop SUCKS.

"Sticky gloop", or "glue" as people with the same amount of life experience as a two year old can tell you.

Especially on finger tips (learned something new I really can't stand).

I don't get his aside there but whatever.
Also a protip any seven year old can tell you: if you rub your fingers together in a circular motion all the glue comes off.

Meh mood, kinda wishing I could disappear into a Lovecraftian story. Yeah, I know that's kind of demented of me. I blame all the time playing Call of Cthulhu for this, a 1920's version of me with linguistic skills. Yeah, we used to take bets on how quickly my character with Latin, Greek and Arabic skills would go insane from reading forbidden lore that we found during adventures.

That is positively zany!
Why the hell did I pick this blog, anyway? What is there to say to this?
Good job on that roleplaying, kid.

Most of you will remember some of my recent (6 months or so) firewall installs that went, less than perfectly.

Oh yeah I remember that.
Crazy times, bro.
CISCO FIREWALLS AM I RIGHT?

What is a synonym for your LiveJournal?

The synonym for all Livejournals is "shit".

Not having the greatest mood today. Miscommunications and frustrations lead to crappy sleep and weird dreams. Really, dreaming I was being tested on how to pick locks while my apartment disappeared around me, and my parents were standing there waiting to see how I did.

You feel like you're a failure in the eyes of your parents (and, really, how could you not? They raised a furry) aaaaaaand you're worried the quality of your life is about to decline, or you're afraid you'll never be able to escape your current life situation.
How am I at dream analysis?
I really just made it up from an aggregate of fears all people share currently.

Sunday was Amythest time. Laundry, cop shows, and general being around each otherness. Started serious plotting on something that I'll be talking about more later...once it's offical. *mischevious grin* Yes, another secret. You'll live.

Are you seriously implying your faggoty secrets have an affect on me?
If someone told me a week from now you died in an unrelated bus accident I'd be happy if your mediocrity didn't make you so forgettable.

Well, I seem to be feeling better. Still coughing up gunk,

Gunk
More like semen

Yay for feeling almost human. Going to go out and get lunch, then hang out with some friends tonight. Yay for a chance to see fellow hominids.

If someone said to me in real life "yay for a chance to see fellow hominids" I would stab him in the stomach with a rusty fork.

if I feel betterish tomorrow night I may go to an ufie shindig, or I may not.

A what?
An ufie shindig.
Is this English?
Wikipedia suggested I might have meant "Ekwe" or "Nze na Ozo" instead.
Of course, Nze na Ozo. How could I have been so stupid?
ARE THESE WORDS?
Google suggests I meant Uffie (naturally) who is apparently some sort of--
What is this music?
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE?
I'm just going to pretend like none of this happened and we'll never speak of it again.

Read an article about how companies should let employees pick their own job titles. I'm in favor of this, and would cheerfully stick 'Shoggoth Wrangler' on business cards.

"Bane of Kings and Sorrow of Mothers" is my new title.
Hi, how are you?
What kind of awful idea is that? For everyone who picks a normal title there'd be 3 jackasses like me walking around as Arch Inquisitor of Shaadom and shit.

Well, I slept last night...had mondo vivid dreams.

He bitches all the time about his weird dreams and then posts endlessly about the latest macabre horror story he's read/watched. Gee, I wonder if there might be a connection?
You know I consume a lot of weird fiction myself and I also have bizarre dreams. It sort of goes with the territory. You can either view them, as I do, as a reward for your devotion to the bizarre or you can be a complete pussy about it.
This post actually decays into such a grammatical nightmare that I think he cut entire sentences out and forgot to stitch what remained back together properly.
Not reading this--

Not in the best moods today, not really sure why. Had weird dreams, including one about Batman, and another where I was cleaning a automatic pistol.

Sounds pretty legit to me.
Oh I forgot to mention: he lives in Texas.
I knew I didn't like this asshole more than usual.

If you could solve one problem in the world, what would it be?

Texas.
It'd sink into the ocean.

The distinct lack of squid girls in the current media climate.

Whoa easy there, buddy.
I've heard of some fucked up fetishes in my day but this is a new one to me.

Nergal, aka my Windows box here at the Shoggoth Pit, is finally back up and running. Bad RAM = random blue screens = me mothballing the box til I cared enough about Windows to fix it.

Switching out RAM takes all of, what, 20 minutes if you bother to clock it and all that?

Still sick, stayed home. Feeling a little better, but not healthy. Meh. No, I haven't gone to the doctor. It's a cold, there isn't much the doc can do about it.

Other than SUCK IT UP, PUSSY.
So let me see if I understand this correctly: you hate weird dreams and you're sick constantly. Being sick is well known for giving you weird dreams so your solution to combating this admitted problem is to consume the weirdest media you can possibly find.
Not the solution I would have gone with if this is a serious problem in my life but then again I'm not a furry deviant on Livejournal.

Well, so far I've watched half of 'Red Sonya' (and turned it off, the cheese was too much), 'Conan the Barbarian (2011)' (Still fun on second viewing), and now on to 'Solomon Kane', aka the most ass kicking Puritan on the planet.

It sucks. Don't bother.
You know that character that doesn't have a backstory and is basically built around being hardcore and not giving a shit?
Let's give him a really angsty backstory complete with failing to rescue little kids whom he feels responsible for. That'll get asses in seats for sure!
What? It went straight to video?
WHY WOULD THAT BE?
Last I checked there was a complete rip of it up on Youtube because even MGM, the company so bankrupt it's selling its half finished movies to other companies to evade bankruptcy for another five minutes hasn't even bothered to file a DMCA on its own movie because it sucks that hard and they know it.
All I want to know is what madman bothered to cut that movie into five segments and upload them to Youtube. What would that imply? He watched the movie, decided "gee, I wonder if I can find this MASTERPIECE on Youtube?", checked, couldn't find it, rewatched it, cut it up, made an account, uploaded each segment (a multi-hour waiting period) then sat back and reveled in his own madness?

My plan for today is to watch all the Robert E. Howard based movies I own. For no other reason than to have an order, I'm doing them in the years they were released. So, starting with...
Conan the Barbarian (1982)
Conan the Destroyer (1984)
Red Sonja (1985)
Kull the Conqueror (1997)
Solomon Kane (2009)
Conan the Barbarian (2011)

Wow. The movie industry has not been kind to Robert E. Howard.

This should keep me busy til bedtime.

That'd keep me busy until I found something else to do which would take all of 10 minutes.
I liked the first Conan movie and even Conan the Destroyer (in a "this is so bad it's almost good" Mystery Science Theater kind of way) but if you said "let's watch these movies back to back" I'd probably tell you to get the fuck out of my house.

Who pays on a first date?

A writer's block at some point.

*tries to remember his last first date that involved exchange of funds*

Yeah you're such a stud you can't remember that many girls ago.
Loser.
Also knock this fucking emote bullshit off. This isn't a fucking play you're writing. "I'm trying to remember my last first date" is what you meant to write, dipshit.

Not a clue...though since I was raised quasi-old fashioned, I'd say me.

Yeah.
I'm sure.

I can't even write a good rant nowadays, I worry that I'll offend someone. *sigh* *goes off to hide under his desk* Well, maybe all the meh stuff happening this Monday means that tomorrow won't be as weird as it usually is. *vain hopes*

God you're a simpering wimp. I've never wished to pummel someone more than I do right now. My knuckles literally ache at the prospect of them meeting your jaw.
If someone told me they were offended at my blog I'd tell them to eat 53 dicks and promptly stop reading it.

Bad mood, I can still haz it. Just feeling tired, and blue, and generally wanting to avoid people.

Just read your own blog. I'd be so fucking pissed at myself if I were you.

Well, mood bottomed out. Was out with Amythest, and mood just kinda died. No reason, nothing happened...just went boom. Didn't help that the boss called, he wanted to know why something was why it was, and I really couldn't give him an answer. I hate that.

Just make up shit.
"It's that way because if it isn't the internet crashes."
People aren't good with technology. He'd buy it.
Also tell your boss to back the fuck off. What, are you letting him inadvertently cockblock you?
Anyway fuck this blog and fuck Livejournal too, while I'm thinking of it. I read the happiest news I've ever read on Yahoo last month: Livejournal posts are down 500%.

Imperator Gratias

Oh what's this?
Furries, etc.
Also note the first post about filters.
I do love them filters, man. Especially since they share three common themes:
1. "I've set up a series of filters to ensure relevant postings." Implying, what, anything about your life is interesting or relevant?
2. "If you want to be part of my super secret fan club, you have to ask and I'll consider you on a case by case basis." This is probably my favorite because I cannot imagine anyone seriously doing this.
3. "If you don't do this you'll be missing out on some of my better postings" and yet most people manage to post once a week to once a day without the filter about such subjects as their illegitimate lovechild or the multiple affairs they've had so I'm left with the perplexing idea of what's behind the filter?

One thing to note...I have my public posts, then a filter for my "friends only" posts. Those on my "friends" filter get everything from meme's to silly comments to serious, thoughtful posts. You need to ask me, to be added to that filter. I will decide on a case by case basis.

WOW, EVERYTHING FROM SILLY COMMENTS TO MEMES! THIS TRULY IS THE PINNACLE OF READING.

If you had to relocate to another city, what would you miss most about the place you're leaving behind.

Wow I can't help but notice you asked a question with a period. Today's WB:

If you had to relocate to another city, what would you miss most about the place you're leaving behind.

And her answer:

I don't have to wonder, since I did just this.

Having been in my new town about a week now, homesickness is hitting me pretty hard. While I miss the places I would go to eat and the sights I would see, what I miss the most right now is my close circle of friends. I tried to hang out with the local fandom group, but that's been though.

Fandom.
Ohhhh boy.
I get the feeling I'm in for it now.

On the last Sunday of May, Locke took me to the top of Lookout Mountain in Colorado. There, with a herd of deer standing near and watching us, he got down on one knee and gave me a ring. He asked me that special question.

....with tears streaming from my eyes, I squeaked out a "Yes."

Furries are allowed to get married and reproduce.
Truly there is no justice in the world.

I still try to have a social life, despite the obstacles that keep arising. The one local weekly furmeet Locke and I go to got moved from Saturday to Thursday night. "All right", I thought "We can actually go more often now."...Wrong! The same week of the day switch, my work decides that they need me every Thursday night. This makes it very difficult to attend the meet.

Furmeet.
So-- I guess that's where annoying douches go to dress like mascots and FUCK EACH OTHER IN THE ASSES?

We were able to sneak down to Animeland Wasabi for a bit last Saturday night. We meet up with Laken, Blue, and Salem. Laken wore her newer suit "Axelle" and I wore

You're going to something called "Animeland Wasabi" dressed as a wolf.
What has happened in your life where that occurs to you as something you can actually do and it seems like a good idea?
My favorite author, Brian Jacques, has left this world. While my heart mourns, a familiar passage from a story of his comes to my mind.
Poor Brian Jacques. He had a cool story about a sentient mouse who becomes a knight and look what furries did to it.

Oh, he used Wikipedia. That a really reliable source for information. (italics denote sarcasm)
Remember, kiddies, Wikipedia is a good place to START. Take the time to follow the links and find other sources. So say my English and Speech teachers.

Actually it is a good source of information, usually. Just read the Dante's Inferno entry. It's accurate, short, filled with primary sources-- were this any other source it would be a great thing to use but NO WIKIPEDIA IS AUTOMATICALLY SHIT.
Of course I suppose that relies on a certain level of mastery of a subject so you can identify when Wikipedia is off its own ass so who the fuck knows.

What animal best represents your inner spirit? If you had to wake up as an animal, which one would you choose, and why? Are your two answers the same? Why or why not?

Right now I am so fucking pissed I accidentally sold 30 toad skins in FFXIV I'm sure my spirit resembles a giant fire breathing golden lion or some shit.
WHAT THE FUUUUCK WHY DIDN'T I PAY MORE ATTENTION?
FUUUCK I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW AND IT WON'T LET UP.

Back around my birthday, my brother got me a couple random PS2 titles, Mojo! and "Sega Genesis Collection". Mojo is odd, but a fair time killer. I've only played a couple titles on the Collection, mainly Comix Zone and Ecco the Dolphin. All the titles on the Collection are just retro kick-backs. Nothing too deep or involved there.

>just retro kick-backs
>nothing too involved
>Phantasy Star 2 is part of this collection
Are you fucking kidding me?
EH JUST A QUAINT RETRO KICK BACK NOTHING LIKE ROCK BAND FUCKING II WHICH I GO ON AND ON ABOUT.

I'm still spending way too much time on Rock Band 2.

And you know what's really grinding my shit now? Every six words is a hyperlink to Google that searches whatever she's talking about so now I have to copy every goddamn sentence into wordpad because if I don't it'll fuck my entire formatting up.
I'm glad she's not a Phantasy Star fan actually because then she'd be going on and on about the characters and every word would be a goddamn link to Google.
YOU KNOW RUDOLPH STEINER IS NAMED AFTER A SOCIOLOGIST WHO FOUNDED A SCHOOL.

Speaking of my kitsune self, I was "caught" tonight. I went in for a restraint / recovery class, as part of my training. I happened to be wearing my RMFC shirt from 2007. As I was walking out after class, Carin (the instructor) saw the back of my shirt.

Caught.
Because you were wearing a furry shirt.
That'd be like wearing a shirt that says "I love cocks in my ass and face" and being amazed when people ask if you're gay.

"You were at the fur con?" she asked. I confirmed that I was, for that year. It happened to be the year that RMRP was the charity for the con. We chatted a bit about the con. Then she straight asked, "So, are you a furry?" I said yes. She said, "That's neat."

"Keep your creepy shit away from me, freak."
CREATING A HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT, ONE OF THE MANY SERVICES I CAN RENDER.

So, instead of the con, we putzed around the den, guitar hero-ing and other activities. *wink*

Gross.
Wow this blog is really boring.
Anyway I think I've put off ending this entry for long enough.

Apoplexy

Friends only! is a myth.
This blog is friends only and I kind of wish it were a myth too but here we are, so clearly I'm staring it down as I type.
I'm not sure how to describe this blog but it's pretty archetypal. "Woman being twit" would be the most obvious branding but I'm pretty sure if you look left you can find a listing of about 500 entries that share more than a passing similarity to that description.
It's not that I'm sexist it's just that most bloggers happen to be women.
Or act like women.
Anyway it's all very complicated.

Hello, peeps. Hello as well to bunny peeps, patriotic red/white/blue peeps, and the like. Just some updates, nothing too thrilling, but you're still reading, so yay.

I just turned this song on and suddenly I feel a lot more stately than I did previously.
Name one soundtrack better than the Final Fantasy Tactics soundtrack.

Just got back int from walking the dog. Yes, we now have a dog. Crandall was giving away his dog, Bella, so we agreed to take her. I thought it was a bad idea to get a dog at this point in time, but I was overruled. She is cute, she's part golden retriever, part something else. She has very short ears. they're still the floppy kind, not the stick-uppy kind. I like her, she's a sweet, affectionate dog, but very stubborn.

I'd just like to take a moment to say bloggers as a whole have a very bad habit of telling, not showing. This single paragraph has more exposition than both of my two previous stories I've written combined.
Describe characters through action or their speech. If you can't and you can't mention it in passing, the detail is irrelevant and the audience doesn't need to know!
WRITING.

I am sick and tired of being here. There are too many people in the god damned house all the time. I can never get any peace. The people that are supposed to be here invite a shit ton of people over. They make noise, eat our food, and leave messes everywhere. I am tired of there always being someone else in the bathroom every time I turn around to want to pee or shower. I'm tired of having to go upstairs and fill up plastic jugs full of water to lug downstairs to refill the animal's water bowl, or to rinse my pasta. I'm tired of having a broken dryer, tired of stepping in water from a leaky toilet valve every time I go into the bathroom. I'm tired of scrounging food out of whatever I can, because the food stamp budget runs out halfway through the month.

Oh tired of scrounging food?
Looked into an occupation?

I remember at one point eating two meals a day for an entire week consisting of spoonfuls of peanut butter, and glasses of chocolate milk. Not even sandwiches, because gluten free bread is not one of those things that's cheap and can buy anywhere, like regular bread.

Living on handouts means you have to get rid of your fictional food allergies.

So, yeah, just eating peanut butter off a friggin' spoon.

Is there anything better than a spoonful of peanut butter?

Hello, all. I'm at Craige's house.

How do you pronounce "Craige" exactly?
Is it like Craig?
Cray-j (soft g)?

Been here for three days. It's kind of nice so far, except today Craige's mom stole his money and drove off like a frigging dirty thief. It's disgusting. Anyway. Enough disgust. I've just been chilling since I got here. Craige ordered some bulk foods from amazon for me.

Crayj.
Cray-guh?

We're also going to go to Famous Dave's. It's a barbecue place that makes these ribs that are amazing. They re-awakened my love for barbecue. They have, like, five different kinds of sauces sitting right at the table, it's fantastic, and they're all delicious. We'll probably see a movie while we're there, 'cause it's movie theater-adjacent.

I can't eat gluten but ribs with God-knows-what kind of sauce goes down smooth as butter.
I know ribs have nothing to do with an inability to digest gluten but I dunno I still call bullshit.

I wish I could socialize more. I know a ton of people that would hang out with me(unless they're just saying that 'cause they know they'll never meet me), but everyone lives far away. The only local friend that I have is Sarah, and she's never here anymore. If I'm lucky, I see her once a month now, when she used to come over every frigging day in the past.

What about cree-guh?

When she does visit, it's only for a very short period, like maybe 15 minutes, half an hour, something like that. I'm sure everybody who passes through this house (my brother's friends, basically), wonders why I'm always in my room, on the computer, talking to Craige all the time.

Kraid.
You know, from Metroid?

Are there any subjects you either embrace or totally avoid talking about when you meet someone new?

I'll talk about whatever dumb bullshit they want to talk about because if we talk about what I want to talk about they'll get lost.
Peasantry.

Er, religion. People tend to think I worship the devil or something. I'm a Wiccan, not a Satanist. :P

You're a bullshitter is what you are.
True story: I pissed a girl in high school off once in science class and she wanted to cast one of her little Wiccan spells on me but needed my permission.
What kind of bullshit spellcasting is that? You need the victim's permission to inflict harm? Who is going to say yes?
Well I did because I feel my collective video game experience would at least give me high magic resistance and either it didn't work or I'm right because here I sit.

Internal Monologue:

One Part of my Brain: "I laugh at people and think they're hugely lame dorks when they freak out over something I'm not interested in. Then I turn around and dork out like crazy over Harry Potter and Eragon. Does that make me a hypocrite?"

Other Part: "Yes. Yes it does."

Internal monologue:
One part of my brain: holy shit this woman is a cunt.
Other part: holy shit, yes.

Well, I figures it's about time I make another post. It's been about ten days since my Birthday, and I still don't feel any different. I think it's because I got used to referring to myself as 25 before I actually turned 25, so the transition wasn't strange.

There's a lot of transitioning to be done from age 24 and 364 days to age 25.

Anyway, I feel especially immature right now, because yesterday I had a dream that I was still in school. I mean, high school, or junior high, not like college.

You're supposed to be out of college by the time you're 25.
Unless you're a doctor.

In the dream I felt that I was going back to school, but not that i was done with it, but I had one more year that I didn't attend, so that's why I was there. Like dreams are supposed to, it gave me the feeling I was actually there. Not the physical feeling, but the emotional state that I felt when was actually in school. I wish I could interpret dreams well. All I can do is guess what they might mean for me. Do I feel I'm still too young? Do I feel like I reached adulthood too soon, that I should still be in school?

IS THIS THE REAL LIFE?
IS THIS JUST FANTASY?
CAUGHT IN A LANDSLIDE
NO ESCAPE FROM REALITY
OPEN YOUR EYES

Well the only way I can learn about the real world is to go out into it, there's really no other way. One thing I'm very sure of is I can't stand being so far away from Craige all the time.

Kratos. From God of War?
Also god of power in Greek mythology.
I don't know why I can't get over this Craige name.

I get this anxiety sometimes when we're close to saying goodnight on Skype, like I desperately don't want to say goodbye to him. I don't want to hang up and go to bed alone. Craige is urging me to see a therapist;

Kaldor.
From Warhammer?
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I think "Craige" vaguely reminded me of "Kraid" from Metroid if you pronounce it with a soft g sound but now I'm just thinking of fictional characters whose names start with a K sound.

he has one, and he talks about how much better it makes him feel. I know it would be so liberating to pour all my feelings out, all my anxieties and worries and perhaps articulate these feelings I don't have a name for. I'm not suicidal, or depressed, thankfully, but it would be nice to talk with someone and work out some of my issues, maybe improve myself a little bit. I want to wait until Mom comes home, to suggest therapy for me. Dad worries about me too much, sometimes irrationally so.

Maybe that's where you learned that behavior from?
Everyone should pay me to solve their problems.
However you must take my advice.

I want to go down to Craige's, but I don't want to leave right after she gets here.

Kayvaan Shrike.
Also from Warhammer.
I can do this as long as you can, Craige.

Hello, everyone, today is my 25th birthday! Yay! Nothing going on today, really. Dad's going to give me my present when he gets home from work later.

He's going to molest you.
It's long overdue.
I don't even know what I mean by that.
I think I just advocated child molestation in this blog.
Most tasteless joke I've ever told?

I swore to post more, and I haven't, really. I'm ashamed. Not that there's been much to post about, but still. Dad's still in Florida, I've been basically by my lonesome here. Chris, my brother, is usually working at his job where he makes money that he spends only on himself. Feh.
Well it is his money.

See what I mean? If only the father had done is fatherly duty and molested her a little it might have evened her out.
Ok I'll stop.

I keep getting up really late, like quarter to five or so, which is not good. It's a hard cycle to break. I'm not tired until late(early?), because I got up really late, so then I wake up late because I stayed up late, etc. I forced myself to bed, around 4:30.

I fall asleep at 5 and I still manage to get up at 1.
SUMMER MOTHERFUCKER WOOO.

Random thought: When you change your name, what happens when you need to show your birth certificate for something? How is that all taken care of?

... They give you a new birth certificate?
Are you stupid or something?

Also, I found out Craige's mother

The Aggro Crag.
From GUTS?
Remember that show?
Yeah me neither.

is even more of a shit person than I thought she was. The day after the accident, I wasn't cleaning my dishes. I was just leaving them in the sink. Because I was in pain. Up until then, I've been trying to clean up after myself. I just wanted to rest as much as I could. Well, it turns out she was bitching to Craige that there were dishes in the sink. She was angry that I, who was in severe pain, didn't wash dishes one day. The messed up thing is that she didn't even yell at me for it. She yelled at Craige.

Oh boy. I need two things that sound vaguely like "Craige" now.
Well if "Kayvaan Shrike" counts this shouldn't be an issue--
Maybe I should actually read these words instead of just playing this weird game.
Sorry I can't get more than two words without my eyes crossing. Something about dishes and an accident--
OH
YEAH.
Warhammer always bails me out. Pedro KANTOR and CANIS Wolfborn.
Hard K and hard K, baby.
Huh, what am I doing again?

Craige. She doesn't even care how much pain I'm in, and she doesn't care that Craige has nothing to do with my actions. Craige tells me that every thing I do that she has a problem with,

Oh God three Craiges in one sentence!
I'm in trouble now!
I also use that picture to reference my earlier quoting of Queen.
It felt more appropriate here, though, for some reason.
What am I doing?
Speaking of those creepy fucking snow monkeys:
I had an entire speech in Japanese class a few semesters ago about how those snow monkeys are the devil.
Seriously every year they come down from their creepy mountains (more like the mouths of hell) and kill a bunch of old people.
And this is your national treasure, Japan? Really?
Compare and contrast:
snow monkey
Predator
Beady yellow eyes, creepy elongated face, killer instinct
facial cloaca--
and hey, while the Predator was bound by the code of the hunt and they'd only fight targets they find challenging, snow moneys frequently target old women and young girls.
I HAVE CONCLUSIVELY PROVEN SNOW MONKEYS ARE MORE OF A MENACE THAN PREDATOR ALIENS.

So, I thought I was having a good day. I went to the beach, with my brand spanking new bathing suit, and sat on the beach and let the waves wash over me. I splashed around, and had a wonderful time. Craige

Oh right. I've been derelict of duty.
I need four Craige counters now.
Uhh--

and I walked back to the house, and I got in the shower to wash the sand out of my bathing suit. I kept it on in the shower, so I could just take it off and rinse the sand out while I showered. I decided to sling my suit over the curtain rod. Unfortunately, it's not attached to the wall. I slipped, the curtain rod came down, and I fell and hit the side of the bathtub square in the chest. I crawled out of the bathroom, half naked, and gasping for air, and collapsed onto the floor of Craige's room. I was sopping wet, in severe pain, and I couldn't breathe. His mom got me a towel, and I had to sit there and try to catch my breath. I was in a lot of pain, so they drove me to the E.R.

Ha, ha, ha oh God.

I managed to put on my pajamas before I left, thankfully. I was seen fairly quickly, for which I was thankful. I got x-rayed, and it turns out there was no severe damage. I didn't fracture any ribs, and I didn't mush any organs. While I was waiting, they gave me a motrin and a percoset. It didn't kick in until I was getting ready to leave. I don't know why everybody's always going on about pain medication. I thought it felt horrible.

Well yeah. They gave you Percocet because you fell on your bottom.

Today's Craige's 25th birthday, also our 2nd anniversary. We've been together two years already! It's hard to believe. We're going out to dinner tonight. It's this place called Ginza, it's a japanese restaurant. It's the kind where they cook the food in front of you. I believe it's called a hibachi grill.

Not sure though.
Google? What?

A word/phrase I love for a reason I cannot discern: "Clusterfuck".

Suggestions for "Clusterfuck" by spellcheck: Cluster, Lackluster, Blusterous, Knuckleduster. What the hell is a knuckleduster?

Brass knuckles you twit.
Other things I don't know:
Google.com
Wikipedia.org
Asking a friend

I realize how bad my problems with gluten are, how much I've lapsed on my diet lately. At the present, I'm reading a thread in the celiac comm about someone who has problems resisting foods with gluten, just like I do. I think I'm going to go write negative stuff about gluten on the chalkboard decals in my room, stuff like, "Eating gluten gives you CANCER!" Because it very well could.

Too bad it can't give you rapid-onset AIDS.

I know Mom and Dad won't like this, but I'm going to ask for my own pots, pans, and instruments for myself, which nobody is allowed to use but me, A.K.A. "Dedicated" stuff.

DENATURING PROTEINS VIA CHEMICAL INDUCTION?
IMPOSSIBLE. YOU SPEAK IN RIDDLES, SORCERER!

The only reason they won't like it is because this costs money for extra pans, which we are low on at the moment. At least I know that when Craige and I have our own place one day, he's okay with our house being completely gluten free. Just have to deal here, the best I can.

Or you could get some dish soap.
Seriously if you can get the starch out of flour by soaking it in cold water I think a little Dawn will get that shit off your pots.
Anyway this entry is way too long now so I'm going to go find something more productive to do with my time.

Decisions

Which blog do I pick? The one with the self-indulgent cunt, or the one with the self-indulgent cunt? At times like this I like to throw my fate to the wind and let dice decide what I do. So, let's say odds is cunt 1 and evens is cunt 2. Cunt two it is.
Perhaps this is for the best because I don't really know what cunt 1 was on about. Some sort of life coach nonsense who even can tell what goes on?
I'm skipping the first entry because it's so incredibly boring and stupid I can't read three words without my eyes crossing.

I belong to the natural living community. One of the topics recently was alternatives to deodorant, which I am always interested in.

My life has been reduced to this. Sitting here on a Monday afternoon reading about people talk about alternatives to deodorant.

One person suggested a vinegar rinse, followed by baking soda.

... Let's see, acid + base =WHAT IS WRONG WITH REGULAR DEODORANT?

I've been meaning to post this for a few weeks, and a conversation I had with Ed yesterday just reminded me.

I'm finally comfortable enough in my own skin to say that I don't believe in Christianity as such. Or as practiced, I suppose.

WOOOOW.

I do believe in something greater than myself, and if you want to call it God, by all means, I'm okay with that.

HEAR THAT, RELIGIOUS PEOPLE OF THE WORLD? SHE'S OKAY WITH THAT.
YOU HAVE HER APPROVAL.

Now, one thing I adore is worship music. I don't know why, but I do. I've been spoiled in that I've gone to churches with amazing choirs. I consider the sermon to be sort of the admission price to be able to hear the music. Now, I DO try to glean what I can out of the service...but I mostly enjoy the music.

It is almost unreal how uninteresting you are.

I think back to my grandfather, and his "walk out if it's not right" message. And sadly, walking out seems to be infinitely easier when you're a teen, and not when you're a grown woman brought up to be pleasing. I couldn't do it. Or, I DIDN'T do it. I let myself down.

Holy shit, what is happening?
Oh, oh that's right. I'm reading a blog to review, apparently.
If there is an afterlife this is what it's like for all eternity. "Oh, oh apparently I'm dead. I'm just kind of sitting here, not really sure what's happening and not really all that interested~"

Rhys and I are on a bland diet. Mostly white rice.

No way. You, bland?

One of my sisters hurt my feelings, and then an uncle hurt hers, so I forgot about my feelings to take care of her. I'll have to come back to that. BUT, it makes me realize that I don't know if facebook is worth it. Too much drama. And viruses.

Viruses on Facebook.
What the fuck.

Yesterday I had to go shopping. I've looked everywhere for kombu, a type of seaweed.

Go to your local Korean market you putz.
Try not to make being white a stigma for the rest of us.

Everywhere except the obvious place, the Asian market that I always forget is here because I can't ever find it. So I say, "Children, we are going to the Asian market, and then the health food store." My children LOVE the health food store. They enjoy the bulk bins.

I don't even know what
What is wrong with these people?

Abbey says, "Mama, why are we going to the Asian market?"

"Because I need kombu."
"But Mama, we aren't Asian!"

It's not like you need a membership. It's America I'm pretty sure you're free to shop wherever you want.

All of the sudden, Abbey starts FREAKING OUT and she is nearly crying.

"What's wrong, Crab?" I ask, as you do in this situation.

"MAMA, THEY'RE SELLING COOKED HANDS HERE!!!"

What?

... It's just ginger you fucking idiot.

She's pointing frantically at the produce. I'm trying to calm her down and figure out what she's talking about. Suddenly, I see.
"Ooooooh. Abbey, that's called ginger root. It's not cooked hands." I am lazy and buy ginger in a jar.

So that's why all three times I've gone to the Korean market I've gotten weird looks. Makes sense now. People before me acting like COMPLETE IDIOTS. Also note the last sentence has no connection to any of the previous thoughts. That's the way it's written, too. There is no editing on my part. Yeah.

Do you give your vehicles names? If so, what are they?

Yeah. I call my car "Brain Wounder" WATCH THE FUCK OUT, PEDESTRIAN.

I am so stressed out right now, I don't want to do anything.

I've entered rage mode since I started reading your blog. I AM MAD AS FUCK, STAND BACK.

This morning the font size on my computer was really tiny. So I asked Shane to come fix it. He came over, looked at it,and said it was a problem with the internet and he couldn't do anything about it.

Christ, dumb leading the stupid. Ctrl+0, idiots.

Whenever something is wrong with me, I like to assume I have the Worst Case Scenario.

Currently I'm pretending I had my inner ear replaced with the shit space marines have in their ears so they don't get dizzy and can't hear white noise.
That explains the splitting pain I get when I sneeze, I'm sure.

The thing about Abbey is, during her language development/learning to speak/important formative years, she lived in Louisiana.

NO EXCUSE.

So Abbey has this...accent, that sometimes makes it hard for friends and family to understand her. Last night she combined her big accent with her bad grammar and incorrect word choice and came out with a sentence that I couldn't get.

YOUR CHILD IS STUPID. SHE IS NOT SPECIAL. SHE IS BELOW AVERAGE.

We were on our way to the movie and she said, "Tomorrow, can you run me a fever and go online? I have a Barbie Pink Party code."

... Favor?

"I'm sorry?"
"Tomorrow, can you run me a fever?"
"What? I don't understand."
"You know, when you do something for someone? I think it's called a fever."
"Oh! DO you a FAVOR! Oh!"

Spend less time sassing off on the internet and more time teaching your children how to speak properly. How is it I've met people who speak English as a second (or third, or even fourth) language and manage better than you idiots?
Well that's it I'm done with this fuck.
Also: happy 300th post to me about 3 posts ago~