Words.

Words.
Words.

When meeting with a new client the first time, often the first question I hear is "how much life insurance do I need?" While that is a key question it usually can't be answered until certain information is known. A common guideline in the industry is 8 to 10 times your annual income. 

End of article.
No, I kid. It goes on for 3-4 more pages.

OK, let's say your annual income is $50,000, so your coverage should be $400,000 to $500,000. 

Yes that would be in the neighborhood of 8-10 times.
Thanks for breaking it down for me. I forgot how to multiply by 10 for a second.

OK that makes sense but what if you are a stay at home mom with no income? Does that mean mom doesn't need insurance?

That's why the dad remarries.
Sorry that was insensitive.
That's why--
No fuck it statement stands.

On the contrary, we know moms are the most under paid people out there because of everything she does for our family and we would be totally lost without her. Yes mom needs to be insured for sure, so forget the 8 to 10 times rule and read on. 

Insure her for 100000000 times her present income.
Wait, no--
that's still 0.
a trillion.
STILL 0.
0.
THE NEMESIS OF NUMBERS.

The only way I believe you can determine how much insurance you need is to share certain information with your insurance agent.

All that for "ask a professional."
If I make 500,000 a year (har har) then she's getting insured for that much as well because I'm not marrying someone less valuable than me.
Caesar's wife must be beyond reproach, etc etc.

If you don't know the name of an agent, ask your friends and business associates who they use and trust.

Just find the most Jewish sounding name on the list.

The five reasons you should learn to can your own food are:

1.) Save money 

2.) Ensure the quality of your food 

3.) Preserve family recipes 

4.) Become independent of grocery stores 

5.) Utilize excess produce from your garden

>excess produce from my garden

leaves and dog shit. 

This blog really sucks so I'm going to start linking some songs you should be listening to along with this entry to keep the intrigue up.

Here's first.

 The first reason you should learn to can is to save money. It's true that canning requires a modest investment to begin, but the equipment quickly pays for itself. 

Out of the Cellar is seriously one of the best albums ever. If you don't have it you're a FAGGOT.

Round and Round

Wanted Man

WHAT THE FUCK MORE DO YOU IDIOTS WANT?

WELL THERE ARE MORE SONGS ON IT THAT SOUND EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME.

FUCK YOU RATT IS AWESOME.

Are you discouraged about America today? Do you think that we have lost our way?

No more bands like Dire Straits or Ratt--

What happened to the world?

Do you despair that we will ever get government "by the people for the people," or do you think that it is slowly perishing from the earth in favor of power elites who can buy elections and then do whatever they want?

Honestly in my daily dealings with people I think we have the government we deserve.

We don't really deserve someone badass to lead us out of the dark ages until we can prove we're not complete twats.

I see no reason not to keep with the theme of hair metal.

The Declaration of Independence, signed on July 4th, 1776, has become one of the hinges of history, in America and all over the world. In these magnificent words, this nation began:
"We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they were endowed by Their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

AMERICA INVENTED FREEDOM

FUCK YOU LEAGUE OF GREEK STATES YOU CAN EAT A FAT DICK.

Do you know that most people start to lose the experience of their Authentic Self shortly after they are born?

Authentic self?
Are you saying I front, bitch?

Wow there's a term no one has heard since 1995.

You're welcome, white middle America.

Do you know the Authentic Self slowly goes underground as it is replaced by a "false" self that attempts to survive and adapt to an often inhospitable social environment where true self expression is prohibited?

People couldn't handle what I really think. Let's be honest.

Do you know this means that most individuals wind up "living" false or inauthentic lives often associated with unexplained feelings of emptiness, purposelessness, depression, confusion, pessimism and despair? 

RATT.

I don't know how you can listen to that song and not be in at least a slightly better mood.

Let me start by reminding you that the experience of the Authentic Self is one in which one feels confident, self assured, loving towards themselves, worthy and deserving, peaceful, empowered, free, in charge of one's mind/body and life, strong, self validating, emotionally independent and self sufficient, self directed, in full ownership and authority over themselves, centered, grounded, joyful, resilient, creative, spontaneous, alive, present, clear, discerning and much more.

Yeah if you have a job half that shit is right out the window. 

I think Dante had about the right of it: other people are hell.

Was that Dante?
I don't know if anyone reading this has noticed but if I like a quote I'll just attribute it to one of about a dozen people.

Half the quotes I quote aren't really said by these people at all.

Most people experience this "opening" in their Heart region. That is because what I refer to as one's Life Force Energy (LFE) which is the energy/wisdom from which the Authentic Self is sourced "enters" (or "re-enters") the mind/body at that point and then spreads like a wave throughout the rest of the being.

... What?

So how does LFE, and hence your Authentic Self, get depleted/separated from the mind/body in the first place?
Well, as mentioned, when one is born here they begin to experience events that prohibit, prevent, inhibit and undermine the LFE's right to remain in the mind/body and therefore in control of it. This is equivalent to losing one's freewill and becoming a pawn to external societal pressures.

Well thanks for that. I guess I'm all fixed now.

Oh, I know what time it is:

Motherfucking Scorpions time.

When isn't it Scorpions time, though?

A trip to Burma (also known as Myanmar) is a once in a lifetime travel opportunity, which means that vacationers want to make sure that they're able to experience everything the country has to offer.

>Going to Burma

Yeah, cool place to go if you like military dictatorships.

Located between Thailand, Laos, Bangladesh, India and China, the country is officially called the Republic of the Union of Myanmar. 

AND ANYTHING NESTLED BETWEEN THOSE WINNERS IS A PLACE I GOTTA SEE!

Anyone with children who can move around on their own has felt the sinking feeling that your child is lost. Most of the time the feeling only lasts a split second before you realize your child just moved to the other side of the shopping cart, or stopped to examine a toy just before you turned into the next aisle at the store.

But every so often (and I personally have a couple memories from my own childhood) a child actually does get lost and for the next heart pounding minutes everything in the world stops except your need to find your child again.

If my kid ever gets lost--

I feel sorry for anything in their way. 

Line of Sight - This one works best when the density of the crowd is minimal. 

Gotta break up that LoS.

Shopping centers, department stores and parks are good examples. Basically I just tell my kids that they can't go behind things or around corners from me. The key to this is establishing some kind of signal which means "come back now". If the signal is ignored by the child, instant revocation of independence occurs, usually accompanied by some other punishment like a time-out.

Stealth. 

If you're spotted do everything to break LoS.

Plan enforcement comes in the form of restricted freedom should one of the kids break the rules. One minute per year of age seems to be enough time of forced proximity or hand-holding to convince our independent minded kids to stick to the rules. Usually we don't have to actually get angry or shout at the kids for them to stick to the rules, simply removing privileges is enough to reinforce them.

Hand holding?
If they break the rules?
Yeah if you want to raise pussies who will be murdered instantly in the coming apocalypse.

Man this blog is fucking boring.

Time for the best band there is.

You know, their other big hit.

I was going to go for something obscure but nah don't want to be hipster about it.

Besides, name 15 better songs than this one.

Hear that opening riff?

Finally, in each situation, I try to give my kids a plan for what to do should the worst happen. Depending on the situation, we lay it out -

Basics of CQC.

Ohhh.

Anyway I'm up to the start of this shit so I'm going to get going now.

Duty Prevails

Get ready for some fucking crap.
Man.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Considering Livejournal is mostly women the collective answer is "yes".
I mean I guess I do. I sure hate a lot of people at first sight so why can't it go the other way?
I mean for adults with a personality the general answer should be no but most people have the personality of wood so why the fuck not?

Yes, but the bigger question is, "Will there be love in return?"

Wait, what?

I just woke up and realized my entire life is an obscenity.

So fucking edgy hell yeah bro.

What is the best and worst quality about mankind?

Objectively humanity's ability to endure is its best quality. Name one other species besides bacteria that has managed to thrive on every continent on Earth.
Humanity's worst quality is its COWARDICE AND WEAKNESS.

Our ability to judge others.

Being judgmental is a good quality to have I think.

The man that rents the upstairs is a Monopoly fanatic. I also happen to be a Monopoly fanatic. As a good will gesture, I sent him a custom Monopoly game piece from Johnny Lightning/Playing Mantis in a giftwrapped jewelry box. Now, I am hoping to put together a very mean Monopoly game night at my residence and invite him over.

Monopoly is a great game to play if you have five hours to kill.

I am sure this is only going to end up starting a fued, but I am trying very hard to win my neighbor over, socially.

If you can feud over Monopoly you can feud over anything. I'm not sure I'd be awake during a Monopoly game, let alone caught with enough awareness to argue.

But the silence since I made this gesture has been quite loud.

Why the hell am I repelling people lately?

Because what kind of idiot sends a gift to a neighbor like that? He's probably hunting down a restraining order.

Jason H. and I went to our local place so that he could get his drink on and so I could people watch and listen to a brand of Karaoke that can only be described of as hurtful. An individual who has been watching me now for MONTHS finally had the courage to come up and try to speak to me.

Monopoly and going to the karaoke place. Is there a way in which your life isn't boring?
Why do you feel the need to keep a blog when this is your lot?
"Dear Livejournal,
Today Groundhog's Day continued" is how every entry should read.

And then he spoke...to Jason. Jason, who is promoting the cage fighting event at Midway Mall handed him a flyer.

Cage fighting. Let's talk about that instead.

The guy, we found out, is named Larry. As he conversed with Jason, Larry kept looking at me out of the corner of his eye, I think, expecting an introduction. Jason never gave it to him.

I stood there and did what gay people are bad to do. I played hard to get. Too hard to get. As in, "What? Jason is talking to somebody?" hard to get.

No okay bye interesting thing--

God, that was mean. What is wrong with me?

Larry, we know from a prior encounter, is also a fighter. He does unpaid matches out here in Emerald Edge where I live. Just because he likes to.

And he looks rough. He looks rough in the way that he needs somebody to take care of him.

So I guess I should clarify if this isn't obvious already: this is a guy writing this.

And poor Larry. Poor, big strong Larry, can't speak to me out of some kind of macho fear.

When we stepped out, Larry called to us telling us both to have a good evening.

I asked Jason why he didn't introduce us and Jason said, "Because he's a straight guy into you and you know you are going to get into trouble if you get involved with him."

Sounds like a great recipe for winding up strangled in a cheap hotel to me.

I have also faced the reality of my age: I have to give up on finding a mate.

Not if you follow my two step action plan.
As someone pointed out my action plan pretty much assumes you're a white man which I'm not going to lie or mince words: it does.
But as a white man I don't consider that a serious complaint. If you want your own action plan you have to figure it out for yourself. I can't think for all of mankind, here.
1. Stop being a pussy
2. Brown girls
Even Jesus Christ asked for more than I do.

I came to the conclusion a long time ago that there are so very few people that can handle the tidal wave that is my personality. I have what can be described as a frustrating, suck-the-air-out-of-the-room sort of presence when I'm fully on.

THE SWARM RISES TO MEET ME.

So, as I age, I will have to find out just what will be keeping me warm at night when I start succumbing to chills and insecurities.

Far away, across the field
tolling on the iron bell
calls the faithful to their knees
to hear the softly spoken magic spell
Have you ever heard that song Time by Pink Floyd, friend? It sounds a lot like you only a lot more hardcore and a lot less whining.

I live for chaos, really I do.

HERESY.

Last week, I decided that I was going to seek out new employment. After gathering my wits, sprucing up my resume, and grabbing my nuts, I applied to three of our competitors. In less than an hour, I got a response.

Oh well la-dee-da.
LOOK AT ME GETTING RESPONSES IN LESS THAN A DAY.
I'm skipping down because I don't have time for all his words.

This new employer wants me to fill in for them one day a week for a few months while I keep my present job. Then, he'd like to hire me in full time.

Six day work week? Big deal, right? In 1999 when my first sales position really started moving for me, I didn't have a day off for SIX MONTHS.

Wait, because here is my dilemma: I have a BLOODY CONTRACT with my present employer that states that I am not permitted to work for any of our competitors, even on my own time.

Don't be a faggot, Christ.
Do it on the sly and tell that other company to suck 53 dicks.
Or, you could tell them this other company is offering you more and they better match the offer immediately or you're leaving. Strong arming isn't too smart unless you're vital to the operations of this company, though.

Some background here: the new company has been growing by leaps and bounds, buying up failing clinics and turning them around. They pay insanely well and have amazing loyalty with their employees. I would be a FOOL for not taking a chance on this.

So there you go. You'd be a FOOL (cool caps, bro) for not doing this. Speaking of, you really need to get a grip on your caps. That shit is getting pretty annoying already.

But all it would take for me to get my Fabulous and Righteous Ass Fired and SUED TO DEATH

All right, stop.

is for the wrong person to walk into my new clinic and recognize me, or somebody at the state level to question my present employers as to why my license is being used in three locations instead of two. Or, and this would be the most likely scenario, I'd have to call over to my present employer on a routine prescription check between clinics and somebody would recognize my voice.

I mean really your contract is just there to bind you, not the company. If the company wanted out they'd just breach it and then tie you up in court until you went broke so I say you don't owe them any loyalty. You were there to do a job and you did it and now it's time to move on. If you can't think of a clever way around this contract issue then you deserve to be shackled by it.

This is just not fair. I know the world isn't very kind, but just once I'd like to catch a break.

You only get the breaks you make.
Man this guy is so fucking boring. I can't believe this guy even bothers to post. Surely he gets bored writing about himself.
Anyway I'm going. I'm probably going to pass out for three weeks because of this boring bullshit.
Anyway goodbye, I'm off to inject a Red Bull straight into my dick. Only way to shake this off, I think.

Fist Rockgroin

I've been playing X-COM lately and all my characters have ridiculous names.
Captain Fist Rockgroin and his intrepid crew, including the, err, "lovely" Reef Blastbody.
My personal favorite is Law Bonecrusher, though.
Token ethnic friend of the crew. (He's Chinese because there's no way you could tell from the name).
Anyway, blogs.
I am loving this font, lady.

Awwww, yeah micky-fickies! Season five and six of OTH has arrived at the library. I can't wait to go home and clean up my room, call Jeff and let him know I'm safe and sound, find something to eat, play with Elizabyth ...then --and only then-- will I be able to watch muh shows!

Between a "to do" list and Twitter there is Livejournal.

We're looking into our own place, yeah, and I'm not sure if we are moving too fast. Well no, it's what I want, without a doubt I'm in love with him and sure it sucks that things aren't what we thought they'd be two years ago but we feel it's a step in the right direction. Starting our lives together. I looked at him last night, and after thinking long and hard about things --about what he said, asking me to marry him to be the mother of his child... After reflecting on the missacrraige (we were certain it'd be a girl: Andrea Peyton S) I whispered to him that I wanted to marry him, to have a child, to have a family with him.

How many ways can I say "no, this is a bad idea"?
You know that voice that said "I'm not sure if we are moving too fast"? You are.
When you can't tell the answer is yes.
Okay you inconsiderate cunt I had to turn my game off so I can focus more on your bullshit because my eyes literally could not focus from screen to screen because of your tiny ass microfont.

What is your favorite cult film, and why?

Today's writer's block, because I'm sure you were curious.

Are you kidding me... Rocky Horror Picture Show hands down!

Considering 90% of all responses were "Rocky Horror Picture Show" I'm not sure that counts as a cult movie.
Some of the other more perplexing answers included "The Godfather" (what) and "The Matrix". Maybe I don't know what a cult film is but I'm pretty sure what is widely regarded as one of the greatest movies ever made and one of the highest grossing movies ever made respectively don't count.

I thought the best thing for us was to take things slow. I was wrong and that changes evrything. I'm sorry, I truly am, for not caring enough --soon enough.

Even if you're wrong never admit it because the only way most people will know is if you tell them.

If you woke up surrounded by doctors who told you that you'd been in a medical experiment since birth and that your entire life had been a dream, how do you think you'd react?

I'd have to ask them who came up with this ridiculous question.

What's your favorite music video of all time?

ROCK ME TONITE

I can't make up my mind but it's a toss between...

Linkin Park - From The Inside

and...

A Perfect Circle - Three Libras

And that's just off the top off my head.

:|
Linkin Park is cool, though.

If you could give one friend a superpower, which friend would you choose, and what power would you give him or her?

I'd give myself Beta level psychic powers.
I am my own best friend.

What song reminds you of the happiest times in your life, and why?

I don't remember this question or what I said.
I'm going to go with "Numb" by Linkin Park because-- no I'm just fucking with you.

Homies-ICP

Hahahahaha
Holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
EVERYTHING'S ALL FUCKIN' MIRACLISTIC AND SHIT

What name would you give to your car or bicycle, and why?

Oh look, it's this shit again.

Nike ---no, not the shoe company. Although even they got the name from Greek Mythology. She is the goddess of strength, speed, and victory.

Because your car gives you strength-- what?

What's the worst thing you ever did to a partner during the course of a relationship? Did you ever move beyond it?

Murdered her and buried her in my backyard.
Yeah I just started dating her sister. The whole "searching for the missing person" quest made us really close.

I unfortunately cheated. No it wasn't something to get back at him for something else and I'm certainly not the type of woman who tends to be on the loose side.

I like how she says "I unfortunately cheated" like "whoops, couldn't have avoided that outcome".

No, it was a foolish mistake because I had not let go of my ex ---the same guy you told me I could trust him, the guy who said he couldn't give me what I needed at the time he broke up with me ...wrapped around his finger. I gave up friends, family, a good credit score, and almost an education because of him. I had not seen him in over a year; he said that he pretty much wanted me out of his life but when I feel content anough to apologize for things I had done in the past... He accepts I tried to be cordial, civil --hell, I thought we were friends and that we could put it all behind us and still be friends-- but then he shows up at my house, randomly... Things didn't go as far as the would have had Jeff not been in the picture (in a way he saved me from yearning for this guys attention and love when he never cared baout me in the first place).

Wait-- what's happening?

In fact, when he kissed me... I'll admit, something snapped inside of me I longed for the day when I'd be in his arms again. I wanted to know what took so long and why now and if he still cared about ---if he still loved me. I never thought once that he felt nothing at all. I never once imagined him having other motives or thinking of me merely as an object. I loved and trusted him too much to. But then... I had a sort of epiphany. You left me, I thought to myself. You left for a month without telling me ---even though you worked ten minutes from my house. You broke up with me to leave for North Carolina because there's nothing in Ohio for you.

NORTH CAROLINA MOTHERFUCKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER
I haven't cut anything out of this story, in case you were wondering. I have no idea what I'm reading.

Uh. Sooo yeah. along with getting my things in the house together, talking things over with Jeff, and figuring out short term goals for the next few weeks... I messaged her. You know, The lady I was so very rude to about the whole... well, nevermind. If you know you know, if you don't I'm going to keep it that way.

"No reason to start making sense now."

From time to time it would cross my mind and hit hard... I felt in my heart that trying to speak to her would be the right thing to do. To apologize. To say I'm not really such a bitch. I felt as nervous as Peyton every time she'd run into Lindsay. Wanting to do what felt right in the beginning only to have it blow up in her face and then so awkwardly try and make things right because the person she was when the met isn't and actually realy wasn't who she was as a person. Does that make any sense? I feel like I'm rambling.

NO, NOT YOU!
I know I've asked this question before (probably quite a few times) but what's the point of posting this on the internet? Why can't you just keep this shit to yourself?
Is it because your friends are reading? I'm here to tell you: they aren't. Most blogs have 0 comments. Most blogs have fewer comments than mine.
Fuck me I'm going blind.

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So today's writer's block is a bunch of fuck. I can't even be bothered to quote it but it's something like "if you could own any car, what would it be?" and all of the responses are how I'd have to respond: "I don't really know anything about cars."
I didn't know this until recently: there are two writer's blocks at any given time. I guess the logic is between the two you'll find something worth making a bullshit post about but as it turns out the other question sucks too:

What would be your first purchase if you won the lottery?

The answer, according to Livejournal, is "pay off my credit card debts" which confirms the average age of Livejournal is at least six years higher than I expected.
Ignoring for the moment paying a debt isn't really "purchasing" something it's nice to see as a whole everyone is in massive, crippling debt.
Anyway today we have a blog FOR FRIEND'S ONLY but don't worry I don't think anything is actually censored from normal people.
I don't know what I mean by "don't worry" like anyone is losing sleep but whatever.
Anyway her (his?) pressing answer to this question:

I know it sounds stupid and maybe I'm losing my childish sides, but I would pay off some of my bills. And then the rest of it? Probably put it in savings. I know, right?

I find it hard to believe everyone is this fiscally responsible. Surely attitudes like this aren't how the recession started?

I think I'm done for the night, though. My back is killing me, and I just wanna relax for the last half hour I have. Only I won't, because my boyfriend likes me doing his nails, which he asked for tonight.... better get to it.

Oh so your boyfriend is gay, I get it.

I'm watching Advent Children Complete (in English) because it's SO GOOD. I don't know why I like it so much. But I do. I think it's because secretly, I freaking love Final Fantasy VII.

Advent Children is the Final Fantasy VII movie where they replaced all the characters with boring husks and replaced the plot with technobabble. It's not a bad movie if you are very young or very stupid because it has a lot of bright flashes and colors.

Back to VII. I LOVE ZACK. Oh my god, do I love Zack. I want to keep him. And take him everywhere. Crisis Core was such a sad game. Also, Advent Children made me love Tifa. She's kinda badass.

People played Crisis Core?
I'm a huge fan of Final Fantasy and I've never played Crisis Core. It's like a game made for girl fans of the series and I think it sold a ton so THANKS A LOT FANS OF FINAL FANTASY FOR CONTINUING TO RUIN FINAL FANTASY.
Anyway that's actually the end of her blog so I guess it's time for two blog Wednesday, the best holiday there is. Here's a furry with some problems.
That brings up an interesting point: is it possible to be a furry without problems?

Well, job thing went pretty terribly. I had 3 panic attacks and cried twice in the middle of training.

The job training is working at a call center, incidentally.
You know of all the jobs to get stressed out about this is not one of them.

I just can't handle 8 hours in a room full like that in that type of atmosphere, and pay attention and function.

You could come to my horrible high school where no one pays attention for more than five minutes, then. No need to function for lengths of time.
Oh but they'd probably mug you.
On second thought that's one of those jobs I suggest you avoid.

Today I made calls and have things set up to see my therapist again and called my lawyer to add this incident to my disability hearing file.

Ohhhh I see what you're doing. Say no more, you leech on society.

I hope this can even BE a documented incident - since I avoided breaking down in front of everyone they might think I am faking it and just don't want to work. That is SO far from the truth, but they have to be careful of people who do try to be leeches.

Instead of being down on this guy I should learn from his example. I had a rough day yesterday so why even bother trying? I can just collect disability.

Hi. Today I went shopping with my mom and got lots of new work clothes. Now I need to keep the job long enough to wear them all. Haha. Joke. Anyway, thanks mom.

Seriously, still super-nervous. I am slightly better today than yesterday, when I broke down a couple times. I really hope I am ready for this. :(

Whoever wants to hire this yo-yo: I found some evidence that she might not be a reliable worker.

The 'downside' of having a job is I'm going to lose all my help. Which is as it should be, I don't want to mooch off the system. But it's going to be hard budgeting for food and medical expenses, and I will have to cut back on my therapy visits and other care.

Seems a bit backwards that you get more help while working than when you don't almost as if they're encouraging you not to work but whatever.

AHHHHHHHHHH I leave in an hour or so to go to work thing. SO FREAKED OUT.

I might pop a xanax.

What was that book where they used mind-bending drugs to create a docile population of workers who didn't care they lived in a horrific police state?
Brave New World or something?
Ha, ha, yeah. Crazy imagination, that Aldous Huxley.

I'm debating closing this down to private entries only to prevent further drama.

Well aren't you a cocksucking liar?
Oh, I guess you were just "debating", fair enough.

So, yesterday I went to a Quaker meeting (aka church) with Merci.

Oh someone with agoraphobia, generalized anxiety, social anxiety and has trouble focusing on tasks for long periods of time is going to a small room where people don't talk for hours on end.
I bet this went well.
So I'm going to list a few things I don't like and then the activity I'm going to do:
I don't like being around people
I don't like loud noises or annoying lights
I think I'm going to a dance club tonight.
Good idea, yes or no?

My new years resolution is to lose some weight.

And overweight, you're a real winner.

I feel icky tonight! Girly probs in time for the holidays. :( Pain meds are not helping. Cookies are not helping either. So it's early to bed with a heating pad for me!!

Women and your vaginas.
They say that's your punishment for Eve's deception of Adam in the Garden of Eden.
I always thought that was a little suspicious. If Jesus died for all the sins of humanity, right, then why do women still suffer pain in childbirth and men must toil in the fields all the days of their lives, if that was the punishment for the Original Sin which indeed it was? Should that not have ended after all that Jesus shit?

I'm putting some necklaces I made up for sale on FurBuy.

>FurBay
Dare I go to Furbay?
It's an electronics distributor.
Maybe this is some furry pun on eBay and not an actual website?
Yes, let's go with that.
Anyway an awesome blog was just brought to my attention by someone in my Linkshell so EXPECT AWESOME FRIDAY UPDATE.

Free Porn- Click Here!

I was told that if I wanted more readers I'd have to have more enticing titles to my entries, and what, pray tell, could be more enticing than FREE, FREE, FREE porn?
Maybe next entry should be FREE PENIS ENHANCING PILLS or something, idk.
So here we have a blog that's the antithesis of porn. In fact, it's probably the singular most convincing argument to stay celibate and a cloistered monk forever.
I kid, really, because I could easily say that about any blog I've ever read ever including this one.

I don't think I mentioned this but about two, maybe three weeks ago our ceiling in the kitchen started leaking.

Yeah and the FFXI party I was just in was beyond shit. We all have our own problems. If that doesn't seem like a fair comparison then you really don't know how shitty this party was, okay.
So to keep a really long story about a leaky roof short (it was really interesting so I'm doing an extreme disservice to you, dear readers possibly in search of free pornography in which case I just seriously misled you):

"No," he said. "The dripping." "F***. Did you call Dad?" He had and left a message.

F***. Whew, close one there, jean_yus. Whenever I see the word "fuck" written out in its entirety I immediately launch my monitor through the window and OH SHIT THERE IT GOES~

I have also misplaced my glasses and if you know where they are please tell me. I can't go into surgery (if I have a section) with my contacts in, and I can't see ANYTHING without some sort of optical aid.

They're in the black hole cavern (don't think too much about that) you call a twat. OH SHIT, ICED.
Also my transformation into a Cheetos-breathing cave troll with a cloud of stink and flies around me is officially complete because I can't think of the word "optical" without immediately thinking of the Optical Hat from FFXI, one of the best (?) headgear in the game.

Without fail, anytime I leave work for the day, if my boss sees me before I leave, she thanks me.

You know in all of my classes save poetry (where I just have a look of supreme disinterest) I get an audible "there he is!" from my peers. That's right, the party doesn't start without me.

That if ever you are in charge of other people, in any capacity, the simplicity of thanking them at the end of their tasks is incredibly gratifying. It has made me more loyal to my boss, my job, and given me pride in the work (which, of course, I can't tell you about) that I do.

"hey thanks for doing that thing I pay you to do." No, my "thanks" is in your paycheck, dearie.

I talked to the midwives about them a bit yesterday and she just said, "Well, it's good to know your body is preparing itself." Uh huh. It's great. I'm ecstatic. My cup runneth over.

Oh hey how about that? Pregnancy hurts and shit. Maybe you shouldn't get yourself knocked up so many times if you don't like all of that, what's it, hours and hours of painful labor that goes along with it.
Also being a midwife must be one of the most thankless jobs imaginable, holy Christ. You could not pay me enough to do that shit, mostly due to my intense dislike of my fellow man.

I had today off. I had a glorious nap while Kate had her nap. I haven't had a nap in like six weeks and I forgot how positively wonderful they are.

I haven't napped in 22 years. Feels good, man.

Well, if you were looking forward to scrambled eggs made by me for breakfast this morning, Im afraid you'll be disappointed. I walked into the cupboards with the bowl and spilled the entire lot of it on the not as clean as it ought to be Kitchen floor. Instead you will be treated to toasted english muffins with blueberry jam, straight from Alaska, made by Sis, a little tart for some but we seem to like and you should too.

Wow that's really awkward. Also you're right: I was looking forward to breakfast at your house over a month ago, somehow.

The husband is out playing video games with a buddy/boyfriend who's birthday is tomorrow.

Ha, ha burn. You just called your husband gay. I see what you did there.

Have you noticed that every time you start something, especially if it has to do with your health, if you mention it to people all of a sudden there are horror stories everywhere?

No. I keep stories about my health to myself unless it's something really awesome, like the time I stepped on a nail and it went all the way through my foot.
It didn't really, but that somehow sounds more painful. It did go all the way in, though, so this isn't some superficial pansy scratch. This was piercing damage, bros.

We're pregnant!

Goddamn I hate it when people say this. No, unless you're the queen, "we" aren't pregnant, *you* are pregnant.

Procreation may have very well ended at Eve if we all lived like that.

>implying Eve existed
Did you know if the tale of Eve is correct (it's not but let's just assume for a moment) every sexual relationship is, by definition, incest?
It's a good thing the Bible condones (or is at least ambivalent about) incest.

I am declaring here that I am officially opposed to days of work that make me contemplate deeper theologies, the decline of society, and other such things two hours after quitting time.

I never even contemplate these things when it's officially homework I have to do for a grade in class. I just write shit down then get a paper back 2 weeks later with "A++ would read again" written on it and can't remember writing it.

Uhm, learning Kristine's friend's nephew's name made me less hesitant to post the names we've picked.

Girl: Lauren
Boy: Bowie

Yeah, no middle names again. Deal with it.

Giving you a 5/10 on this assignment. While Lauren is a fine name, Bowie (as in David Bowie, musician) isn't. It's a last name. Cut that shit out.

See, I had a migraine Friday night. At 8:15 I took a Tylenol #3. I got a little loopy, as usual, but the pain wasn't so much gone.

>Tylenol 3
>has codeine
>pregnant
hmmm.

Had my first midwife appointment today. They took gallons of blood, my blood pressure and my history. We tried to listen for the heart but alas, it doesn't have one. Or it's too little to hear. Whichever makes you feel better.

"No heart beat" makes me feel better, thanks.

So when my baby sitter handed me Twilight I took it and thought, "Hopefully I'll get to it in an acceptable time." I took it because it's a book and I'm a book hound. If you hand it to me and say it's good I'll at least give it a crack and see how it goes.

Anyway, I did open it and have been reading it. I'm probably 300 pages or so in. It's a light read. It's not taking much brain power. It's engaging enough, pulls me along and I'm totally happy to let Blair play his video games while I read. I think it's well written enough.

Hey thanks. It is my best seller, don't you know.
Well I think my work here is done. I'm going to leave you with my final thoughts on my FFXI party today:
It's a complex emotion.

Well At Least You Know It

Kind of wished I saved yesterday's awesome entry for today, because this makes too many updates in a row. They're starting to run together.
Today's update is again typical whiny emo cunt whining about stuff and... Shit.
Click here or don't. I couldn't give three fucks about four fucks.

It's really not enjoyable to spend the last small hours of your actual birthday day crying. To wake up on my first day being 26 sad.

Oh boo hoo. You're 26. What's special about 26? Nothing. Go to work.

Most of you will have no idea what I'm talking about, so I'm sorry, but I needed to rant somewhere.

Nope, so I'm skipping this entire post. At least you put "emo" as one of your tags. Good you know it, at least.

Last night my awesome friends took me to pizza and a strip club. There were ugly strippers, really cute indie chicks, amusingly horrible dancers, beers, kisses and cuddles, and many jokes. And much much more, but I am too hungover to think right now.

Yeah you're the cool chick the guys can take to a strip club. I'm really impressed.

Post good hangover cures and birthday wishes at your leisure.

A raw egg yolk, hot sauce, Worcestershire sauce and salt I think it is. What's the matter, too pussy to take the manliest hangover cure ever?
Now there's a thread about gaming. She recommends a flash game. Thanks I'll be sure to look into it.

So I never really understood the concept of cybersex. Or phone sex for that matter. Either way it just seemed kind of pointless to me.

Apparently, though, Skype makes both of these concepts completely awesome. And that's all I'll say about that.

Don't post if you're going to make a point of being as cryptic as possible.

Please to enjoy some of my favorite songs as of late. Recommend some of your favorites!

Maia Hirasawa - Gothenburg. This lady is pretty and kind of reminds me of Regina Spektor.

Who? I have to listen to this.
Good Christ that's terrible. Develop some taste would you please? Also I'd recommend you some of my favorites but I'm sure you're diametrically opposed to good music so fuck off.

I just got dumped.

Good.

It's the nicest, kindest breakup I could ask for, but it's still a breakup and it still hurts so much I can't believe it. My whole body hurts.

Ugh. I'm waiting for the post where you describe in detail your periods. You seem like the type. I know it's coming.
I'd like to point out that this particular post has 36 comments.
THIRTY SIX. MY BLOG STRUGGLES TO GET TWO. THERE IS NO JUSTICE IN THE WORLD.

The Wii Fit is a jerk, and made me feel bad for not exercising on Thursday.

Play a real game.

So last night I was experiencing soreness all over and terrible joint pain in my hands. I went to bed in pain and figured I'd get it checked out at the doctor's next week. However, this morning I woke up completely covered in hives, or something like them. It looked like giant mosquitoes had bitten me all over, leaving behind blotchy, swollen and red spots everywhere that were itchy and painful.

Sounds like hives, looks like hives... IT MUST BE HIVES. Or Lupus.

He comes back and tells me the urine test says I'm pregnant.

Ho ho ho my mistake.

It turns out that the top three possibilities right now are Arthritis, Lyme disease, and Lupus.

I fucking called it. I hope it's Lupus, personally. A good autoimmune disease will set you straight.

After all my bad experience with religion, I've had a hard time believing in some being greater than ourselves out there watching over us. But I can't help but feel that someone send me that dream, or whatever it was, as a comfort.

Oh brother.

I read a short children's story once where Dog Heaven was a place where dogs could play and spend time with each other, and have everything they needed. They did this outside of a gate where humans lived with their pets, and waited patiently for the day that their particular human died and came to live with them.

Kind of morbid, don't you think? Dogs just sitting at a gate waiting for their former owners to die?
Next she posts a rather heartfelt (at least on the surface) post about how she misses her dead cat.
It's a sweet sentiment I suppose. The problem is she has said she misses whatever it is "so much it hurts" so many times it's basically rendered meaningless.
A cynic might say you fake your pain for attention, at least to a point.

Okay, people! I need some assistance. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut, and I want some help choosing which cut to get. I have two choices that I like, and both are ripped off from celebrities. Option 1 is ripped off of Victoria Beckham. Option 2 is ripped off of Charlize Theron (or however you spell her name) from Aeon Flux (terrible movie).

Ugh. I don't know... Victoria Beckham during the Spice Girls or modern one? Either way make your own goddamn decisions what am I your stylist?

This is Albus! I picked him out. He is one of the sweetest cats I've ever met. He's four months old, and the second you touch him, he starts purring. Right now he is sleeping behind me, with his little scholarly face and his adorable white belly showing.

Ho ho ho I know how this ends.

So last week I asked for today off so that I could go to several doctor's appointments. I made two in the morning, and when Angus got home we headed to the local women's clinic to get me some yummy birth control pills.

Gross. "Yummy birth control pills". For some reason that gave me serious douche shivers. I say "for some reason" because really anything could have prompted it about this fucking thing.

and three-quarter sleeve blazers (which are useless to me as I have to wear long sleeves to cover up my tattoos).

It is tough working in a professional environment where they might not view your tattoos with the same "I'm carefree and creative" attitude you do, huh? I'd say you should be more farsighted, but by now I've learned that's like stemming the tides.

I'm feeling a bit like a grumpy and/or boring old lady as of late. Here's the thing: I got a couple of good years in (depending on your definition of "good", I suppose) of all kinds of wild and crazy partying. I experimented with drugs, I got ridiculously wasted at parties, I got naked randomly...well, you get the idea.

Was that a hint of modesty at the end? I guess I've seen it all, now.

What I wouldn't give for a nice evening with several beers for all and some gaming or movie-watching.

Well you are dating a 19 year old. Someone seven years your junior. It makes sense that his goals would be radically different than your own.
I'd say "date someone your own age" but I'm positive people make the age gap work all the time.
So I don't know. I guess date someone more your speed?
What's this? A book collection?
Holy shit thank you internet.
Oh it's temporarily down-- too bad. I'll have to check back in a few minutes.

I hate Eli Roth (director of the "Hostel" movies) and all his friends who are sending the horror genre into a skydive of suck. I hate the "torture porn" genre. I hate these movies that replace any psychological depth, plot, subtlety, and hard work with the next most creative and gory way to murder, disfigure, or degrade someone.

You're looking for a decent plot from a horror movie?

One critic wrote that Hostel II and it's cohorts "desensitize us to our humanity", and I agree. I said on SG earlier that if Roth offered me a large sum of money to be in one of his sexist, gory, pointless films, I would pass.

Well you're even dumber than I gave you credit for, then. NO THANKS I DON'T WANT THAT HUGE CHECK, MR. ROTH. Why not? To save all that dignity? Fuck you can buy that back.
Also apparently this book thing is down so no making fun of her shitty taste anymore.
Oh well. I guess they took the site down so they wouldn't have to face my fists of fury.