FOR THE SLAUGHTER

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz

It began with me having a pleasant dream about Gerard Butler. We didn't get fleshy in it, we just hung out but it was very pleasant and he looked damn good.

Last time I saw Gerard Butler getting "fleshy" he was stabbing a Persian in the chest with xiphos.

Today marks the fifth anniversary of me being officially single. I figure if you can celebrate wedding anniversaries, why should I let this milestone go by unacknowledged.

Honestly, there's no hole in my life that could be filled by a man (except that one *groan* and these days it's just not worth it).  

This woman is 40.
Let that be known.
Updating her blog
2013
40 years old
about how much she wants the dick.

One less bell to answer, etc. etc. I don't feel lonely or old maid-ish. I like that I rarely have to compromise. I like that I can cook whatever the hell I feel like eating without fretting "oh yeah, he doesn't like spinach." I can play whatever music I want to hear. And I have all the affection I could want from Maggie and Pip.

Maggie and Pip are cats.
I'm not saying you're trying to justify your life choices and you're in a midlife crisis but that is quite clearly what's happening.

And I have no one to bitch about what a meanie I am for insisting condoms must be used if coitus is to take place. 

Yeah.
Clearly that's what's keeping you from a relationship.
I think I hear your biological clock ticking like an atomic warhead through the internet.
Do atomic warheads tick?

The drastic weather fluctuations have made my head extra fuzzy but at least I managed to jot down some ideas about book #2 in the weeks before.

After much thought, I have named my protagonist Alyssa. I resisted doing so for a while, for reasons that are silly to me now. But I had been refering to her as "A" in my writing notebook (A for "author" because that's her profession) and was considering a bunch of A names, none of which seemed right.

>naming your characters
if a name doesn't come to me instantaneously I just skip it.
I keep telling you people it's really not that important.
Alyssa isn't a bad name though.
In a douchey sort of way.

Plus, she's got stuff in common with RP Alyssa (no magical powers, but a lot of quirk). It just suddenly seemed right. She'll have a different last name because, well, they're not the same person.

>not reusing successful names
it's like you suck at writing or something.
Edie Hart is literally on her 12th or 13th or so incarnation at this juncture in my life.

I could potentially have the makings of an outline for the first three chapters, if I get some clarity soon.

>Outlining chapters
What the fuck is happening with you anyway

I got a letter from ODSP today telling me that my file has been adjudicated and I have been found to be a person with a disability under somesuch act from 1997.

This means no hearing and no more pleading my case.

Not that the fight is over yet. I still have to convince them I'm poor enough to get it, that there's no secret trust fund stashed away, but I'm not too worried about that. Just more stinkin' forms to fill out and a few months for it all to get processed. 

Isn't this the part of the post where you start wondering what you've done with your life?
Dante starts the Divine Comedy like that.
I'M 35
SITTING IN PRISON
WHAT AM I DOING WITH MYSELF?

My visit to Toronto Rehab wasn't as bad as I thought, ice pellats falling from the sky aside. The doc was super nice and I'm enrolled in their summer program where I'll learn about energy conservation, relaxation memory strategies and other useful coping skills for fibromyalgia. There's also a heated pool exercise component, which sounds great. I'll need to buy a swimsuit, I guess.

I'm on my way!

Then he talks about his Fibro.

Also, a conversation with my dad:

Dad: So how are you, little daughter?

Me: Tired.

Dad: Why?

Me: Because I have chronic fatigue syndrome.

Dad: I thought they fixed that...

Me:...no, there is no cure.

Dad: Oh.

Chronic fatigue syndrome AND Fibromyalga.
You are a special snowflake.

Bloody hell old man, did you READ the damn info sheet I gave you and mom at all?

That's what I need to do.
Bring home an info sheet for a fictional disease for my parents to read.
Not disturbing enough.
I think I'll bring home a pamphlet about being a furry or something.
IT'S A LIFESTYLE CHOICE, GOD

Along with the live show the movie profiled a handfull of young people who have overcome adversity and triumphed and who owe a lot to Glee and its teachings. 

Glee and its teachings?
Are you fucking kidding me?

Well, maybe the situation isn't desperate.

My landlords are selling their lovely home, of which I live in the basement. I really like where I'm living and really, really don't want to move. The cats love it here and I do not want to uproot my babies again.

That's what they're telling you, anyway.

Enjoy living on the streets.
 Now, over the next couple of weeks, there will be strangers coming through my home and I hope whoever ends up buying the place wants to keep that nice girl with the adorable cats in the basement.

Girl
40 year old woman
really when does a girl stop being a girl?
 And I appear to have hit the start of this fucking blog.
WHY DIDN'T I READ THROUGH THIS SHIT FIRST?
GOD FUCKING DAMN