A what

Birthday cake. Sounds good? Well settle your ass down.
This cake is a two layer dutch chocolate cake. Still sounds good? Wait for it--
Homemade pineapple glaze and cream cheese frosting.
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Anyway here we go. I found this blog through a baking group in case you couldn't tell.

As I sit here with chicken cooking in the oven (Oh, I know, right? A brilliant idea -- heating up the oven just to cook some chicken when it's currently 106 degrees Farenheit outside!)

Air conditioning? What's that?

Aside from the stress I get from work, I still manage to put myself up to receiving verbal abuse from my ex-boyfriend. To keep the story short, he hurt my feelings again over what I chose to study in college.

Seeing as how I skipped about five paragraphs of you bitching about the deli you work at, I'm guessing you chose not to major in anything marketable. Also why are you taking shit or, I don't know, talking to your ex-boyfriend at all? Is there a hidden meaning in "ex" I wasn't hitherto aware of?

Quite frankly, photography, which he has chosen to learn, is just as hard to work with as traditional art is.

Wait he majored in photography and he's giving you shit?
What a world~

Sorry. Photography takes the same basic principles as traditional art to build oneself some kind of foundation to stand on. Compared to my artwork, I take horrible pictures.

I'm really confused. You're butthurt he made fun of you and then you defend his decision by backing up his major? What's going on here, did I forget how arguing works or am I going crazy? (I seem to be asking that a lot lately).

I feel useless; however, when I walk into my work place.

SEMICOLONS~
Let's take a brief pause and deconstruct these little shits. So you've got a semicolon. What's it look like? Oh my goodness, it's a period stacked on top of a comma! I wonder if that's any indication of what it does?
Well fuck me, can a semicolon be used here? No, it can't. Why's that? Well let's figure it out!
"I feel useless." You can put a period after that, you can, so that must be an independent clause because it's a full motherfucking thought. It's got your subject, your verb and for shits and giggles it even has a direct-fucking-object.
"however, when I walk into my work place" is not an independent clause. I think. I'm not sure; it's not really a coherent thought (see how semicolons work you idiots?) We're about to get into some technical shit now so keep your eyes open.
So we have a preposition. "When". When something, something. So "when she walks into her work place". You now need something else because this is the motherfucking subject of your sentence. The entire thing. "When" is subordinating your clause. If you ditch "when" it becomes "I walk into my workplace" and you have a complete thought again. "When" she walks into her work place, what?
Let's take this into real speech:
"When I walk into my workplace," said the girl.
"... What?" said the other girl.
Holy shit, see how that works?
Let's revise her sentence, this time using only commas.
"I feel useless, however, when I walk into my workplace."
HOLY FUCK ME SUDDENLY A COHERENT THOUGHT OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE MAGIC!

Part of my personality demands I assert my independence and do everything in my power to get things done.

I hate it when people say "assert my independence". What the fuck does that even mean? "No, I'm just doing what I always do," would be my response. Why must you turn everything into some sort of last stand scenario?

Unfortunately, the people that work in the Service Deli were there before me and I am the newcomer. The low-life, the runt, the little up-start.

You're working at a service deli, calm down. You're not upstarting anything.

I must sarcastically apologize to the few customers that walked away from the counter due to my slowness.

You should apologize. I came here to buy some goddamn food and look how fucking long you're taking, then you're going to give me shit about it while I'm just waiting here?

The icing on the cake came around when I got settled at home after work. My father made some coleslaw and that's a food I cannot stand. I have never liked it. If I want bits of cabbage and carrots stuck in my teeth, I would eat a salad.

Well fuck your shit too.
Zoinks, here's a post I must be 18+ to view!
Well, fortunately--
Oh she drew a picture of her fucking someone. You're not very good at this anatomy thing for someone who majored in art. Oh man everyone has a thorax in this situation. Half bug people. This is disturbing me.

I'm a mess right now and I wish I had more time to actually talk about my feelings.

That's your problem. You talk about your feelings too much. Seriously name an emotion I've mentioned in this blog outside of "hate" or "pissed off at your shit"?

This was one of the first charchoal drawings done in the class. I'm always being told to mind my edges, to sharpend them so everything comes out a bit clear-er. Well, I was told all the time in ART101 to "omit the line. You've gotta omit the line!"

YOU GOTTA LEARN TO SPELL would be my advice.
Also this is why you're a bad artist. You don't want clear lines? Tell clear lines to go fuck themselves. If your art teacher (har har) tells you it's important, tell him he's a fucking hack and doesn't know shit about it.
Shit you do need to work on your colors. I've never seen an apple made of metal before.
Less white, more red.

Oftentimes, I log onto LiveJournal and stare at the empty post box, wanting to type out some angsty sob story so I can have some lame person come over and pat me on the back.

Sometimes I have to pause for a minute before I start to muster enough piss.

As I watch further into 花より団子

Whoa, what
Hana yori dango.
Flowers over dumplings--
I don't even know what the fuck

Last night, I finished watching the Japanese drama ぜったいかれし

"Zettai Kareshi" which means something like "Absolute Boyfriend" I'm guessing.
I just don't want her to think there's some language endeavor she's better at than me is all.

• おはよう、みんあ。元気？そうならいいですね～
• これは最初のentryだ。
• よろしく、ね。83

Oh my God.
Nope, not doing this.
Somehow she's even more annoying in Japanese than she is in English. I didn't think that was humanly possible and yet here we are.
Oh shit, that's it. I'm actually done! I read her whole fucking blog, fantastic.

日本に行きましょうか

"Learning a new language can be difficult. This active community offers friendly advice and support for those looking to improve their Nihongo," says the community "Japanese". Yeah, I got a tip for you: study a lot, asshole. (translator's note: "nihongo" means "Japanese language" in Japanese)
Thanks to this excellent community filled with fascinating people I managed to find this blog.
I'm in for it now.

For those of you who don't watch unholy amounts of anime speak Japanese, my entry title means "I'm saved!" and I really am.

:|

I just found out that I owe my school $2300. I don't have that money. At all.

Yeah amazing how prompt and clear schools are when it comes to money but how secretive and unclear they are when it comes to "can I take these classes at the same time?" STILL WAITING TO HEAR BACK, SPEAKING OF. How utterly arbitrary this entire thing is. CAN'T TAKE THESE TWO CLASSES AT ONCE, HURRR.
Why not? BECAUSE PREREQUISITES. But why is one a prerequisite to the other? They're the same class, practically.
IT'S A PREREQUISITE.
Fuuuuuuck me for asking.

Yesterday, I had math class in the morning. I've had this class for the last 3-4 weeks and my teacher was unexpectedly caucasian when I expected someone asian.

Because Asians are good at math I guess. White people never are good at math except a lot of the theories are named after the white guys that discovered them.
Wait--

Anyways, I want to watch episodes 2 and 3, which I hear are out, but YouTube is CRIMPING MAH STYLE!

What the fuck, man?

Usually, the fact the the future is a big fat question mark, that I, and the world as a whole, can go any of 20 directions I can think of and another 40 million I -can't- think of, scares me. Well, to be more accurate, it scares the shit out of me so badly that it frequently leaves me cowering in a metaphorical corner, tearing my hair out with terror.

Yeah I know what you mean.
(man who has been quoted saying "the future is trivia" and "the future is immaterial")

But this isn't about that.

Hey, yeah, speaking of something irrelevant.

This is about that one-in-a-million time when that big question mark delights me to the point of bouncing in place and squealing.

Wow you're really annoying. Oh, dare I click on the link that says "squealing" so I can read more of this wonderful post? A lesser man might recoil in horror but I am trained for this kind of situation. I'm going to do some editing here because quite frankly who gives a shit:

Today, my school did one of its many cheesy little events, but since I'm here and they offer free food, I decided to stop by. It's a diversity fair, but not about what you'd think it'd be about. Because this was about AGE diversity--how awesome is that?!

Not really.

Anyway, people were divided by when they were born, from as far back as WWI, WWII and the Depression, all the way up to 2000 and they fell into four overall groups: Veterans, Baby Boomers, Generation X and Generation Y.

So cool people, assholes who ruined the world, faggots and pussies respectively.
Fantastic.

They had little sheet thingers detailing general personality traits for each generation

Wait let me visually represent this. So in order from veteran to "Gen-Y" (my generation is so uncreative we can't even come up with our own name):Wooooooooooow, it's fucking nothing!

THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO, YET!! NOONE DOES!!

Peter Noone guide us.

How exciting is that? Our future is wide open.

Dark age up and coming, calling it now.

In the next 20 years, the whole world is going to learn how this generation of globally-conscious, hyper-connected, instantly-gratified people make decisions, how we lead, how we inspire the people who follow us.

The age of Twatter, Livejournal and DeviantArt. Glad to be here.

I thought about it, then realized that I first met a computer when I was 10, in 1999, and I first got to know one when I was 12, in 2001, so I believe that factlet.

First memory of a computer: playing Wishbone's "The Odyssey" on my Acer. Fuck yeah I just played that game recently, even.
Beat it in like 15 minutes because I've practically memorized The Odyssey in the interim 11 years, too.

It is possible to find God without finding a church.

Let me tell you about a really cool god, kids: his name is Zeus, and he doesn't require money from you like the Christian God does.
I plan on teaching at a Christian school. How long do you think I'll last before I'm fired (from the job or literally)?

I like pissing people off. Not people I like, obviously, but everyone else in the world, I kinda wanna piss them off. I ENJOY defying normality and taboo.

Considering this post is called her "Rant O Doom" (so randum xD) I'd now like to mention a recent phenomenon I've discovered. Everyone claims to be so randum xD and unique but they all do it in exactly the same way with the same vocabulary and everything, so their uniqueness and randum xD-ness is now a pattern you can track.
... Am I going crazy here or does anyone else spot the contradiction?

Anything I am told not to do, I want to do.

Wow so cool-- college-going white girl. You sure are zany and unique!

Of course, this defiant streak means I DO NOT want to do anything I'm told to do, either explicitly or implicitly. Do your homework? DNW. Lose weight? NOPE! Hate your squishy bits? FUCK YOU! See where this is going? Yeah.

So you're another fuck up asshole who's overweight and burdening our laboring health care system, and yet somehow you're proud of this, err, achievement.
Wow you sure are a unique snowflake.

Anyway, I can take direction when I need to. I finish my homework just in time to turn it in.

So-- you're special and unique because you don't do what you're told (including homework) and yet you do your homework and turn it in on time-- am I going crazy?

Now, I'm not gonna harass people about their opinions, even when it's WRONG, so long as they can explain WHY they think it.

>opinion
>wrong
It's like my brain is collapsing in on itself!

So, I haven't been complaining to you guys about my computer, because I probably deserve most of my computer woes. I watch free porn and hentai, download yaoi from semi-suspicious sources and visit mangafox.

>download porn from suspicious sources
>has computer troubles
You're just trying to get up on my tits, aren't you?

AVG is not only free, the newest version is so awesome it won't even let you open stuff that could kill you system, which it quickly proved, because I am an idiot. =.=

Wow the only AVG warnings I ever get are "you need to restart your computer to finish your updates" but then again I am smart enough to not open "childporn.jpg.pdf.exe.jar" so whatever.

I'm fat. This isn't a surprise. I want to be known as being pretty. I want someone to think I'm beautiful.

Even if you lose weight it still will not fix the unfortunate arrangement of your facial features~

So....I've started the summer semester. It's pretty much what I expected: a weird combination of too much work and too much free time.

SITTIN' IN CLASS FOR FOURS HOURS, TALKING ON MSN
GETTING AN A WITHOUT EVEN TRYING
SEMESTER OF THE YEAR ALL YEARS

I also finished watching Twelve Kingdoms. If you have never seen this anime, you DESPERATELY need to watch it.

No that's okay, really.

Ok, I'm taking IS 220. It's an international studies class focusing on Japanese history. My teacher is a 70 year-old white woman. Already makes you wanna go HUNH?

It does?
You can know stuff about cultures not your own, you know.
Anyway the rest of this blog is the same shit and zzzzzzzz so I'm going to go do something with my life.

I wanna be the very best

After weeks of on and off struggle I finally managed to get a perfect Claydol. Fucking Claydol. Anyway my long awaited sunny day team is nearing completion after numerous stalls and distractions. Just in time, too: the Pokemon tournament I entered is having a UU round. First round was OU and I beat my opponent pretty handily (he only managed to faint one of my Pokemon and I got all of his) and so here I am.
Anyway on to the meat: Texas beauty queens. Paradox of I've ever heard one.

I got a new book but I found out that my car has a flat. Krama sucks.

... What? Connected thoughts or the rambling of a fucking mental patient?

My new book is called "Stiff : The curious lives of human cadavers" by Mary roach. I find very funny and educational and yes I am listining to Papa roach as I write this entry.

... Oh Roach and Roach I get it.
Wow. That's the standard of humor we're dealing with on this blog today.

I bought in a B& N for 13.99 only to find out by mom's droid that I could have gotten in for 9.48 online.

Editing for content is important in any good writing.

Back to the topic, in the book it's talks about beheading and the Vladimir demikhov man made two-dog(s) & headless dog experiment.

Do people named Vladimir ever turn out not evil?

There was a Pro-life women at wallmart, she had a big sign on her back and was passing out papers. She got in line with this other man who was also Pro-life. I got one her papers to see what they were info they had in it. I was surpire that there was nothing in there about God. Not very good reading but meh. Still on the fences of things.

I hate the way you write.

I am working on my book. Getting all the plot laid out and all that jazz.

Oh good, of course.

Gah my abs hurt so bad. I worked out yesterday and this morning. It didn't help that I went to work. The hardest thing for me to do is count back change and everyone know that I can't do it.

Wow you're pretty stupid. It's a simple process, matey: just think "can I use quarters? No? Dimes?" repeat. Then think how many you can give them of your largest denomination of coin, then move on down the line-- you know what, this is obviously too complex. Fuck off.

They keep asking how did I get to high school and all this crap about how I can't count.

Oh believe me, you don't need to know shit about shit to graduate high school.

I alomst started crying at work but stop myself.

So instead of learning how and proving them wrong you start crying.
Fucking Texas.
YOU'RE USELESS, ALL OF YOU.

There is no talent in this pageant so it's all on beauty and the interview.

That's a lucky break for you.

I have the beauty down

Surely Nemesis will punish ye.

(narcissus much) but I am working on the interview part and toneing for the bathing suit.

Yeah that first part, actually. Wow I'm amazed you know that, especially since you can't spell "toning" in the same sentence.

My mom is my coach and will help me with all the talking.

Your mom has to help you with all the thinking. Seriously there's two parts to this contest and you can't do one of them. What a loser.

I gauged my ears out to 12.

Nothing says "beauty" liked gauged ears.

If I want to I could take a trip to FL and audition to work at Disney.
Then I have teachers trying to stuff collage down my windpipe.

College.
"Collage" is a word but it's not what you think it is.

Help! How do I choose and how do I tell people I am not to collage (I am going to a trade school).

She's not to collage, guys. It's part of her religion.

I am alittle worried about the fact C and I didn't warp the willy up and I am off the pill.

She also implies her boyfriend died but there's such a disconnect between one thought and the next I can't really tell if she's serious.

There was one time that the swimmer were to the cave but no deep sea diving (lots of cotext clues) then there was one time were there was deep sea diving but no swimmers (as we now of) .

WHAT.
I have read this sentence five times and I have no fucking clue what she's on about. I'm guessing (somehow) it has to do with pregnancy.
swimmer were to the cave but no deep sea diving. I can't get over that part.
Anyway I'm up to her first entry and I'm only bleeding from my eyes a little bit so I think I'm going to find something else to do.