Let's whine!

Leves reset in approximately 5 hours and I have nothing better to do until then unless I want to SLAUGHTER PUKS UNTIL MY EYES UNFOCUS LIKE LAST NIGHT but I don't. Also my break is ending and I have to go back to my horrible high school and teach assholes incapable of learning elementary English in three days. :(
But mostly I have to get up early. That's my real problem with all this.
Here's some whining cunt, I dunno.
Actually grinding puks for cotton bolls and wind shards isn't that bad. It's entertaining in a mindless sort of way.

What food would you never put in your mouth for any reason, and why?

Pretty much 90% of every kind of food I see.

i dont think i could ever eat a rats head.

I don't think that's a food.

in thailand its used to be a favorite street corner snack, until it was one of the causes of an ebola outbreak.

Spoke too soon. Adding Thailand to my list of "places to avoid" incidentally, Christ all mighty. If you eat rat heads you take whatever you get.

but besides that, i just dont think i could ever mentally stomach the idea of eating one.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say any part of the rat I can't imagine eating.

i think after hearing the crunching sound of the skull i puke up everything thats in my stomach

People of Thailand: I hear there's this incredible invention called the domesticated chicken. Look into it sometime.
Here's a posted called "losing it" and I had to agree about 5 times I'm 14 years or older. This is kind of unusual because the entire blog isn't like this, just this one specific post.
Can you imagine if movies were like this?
THIS MOVIE IS PG BUT FOR THIS ONE PARTICULAR SCENE YOU HAVE TO AGREE YOU ARE 14 AVERT YOUR GAZE IF YOU ARE UNDER 14.

its been a long time again since we last spoke and im losing my mind.

I love it when bloggers say "since we last spoke" like I'm just knocking on her door on the internet.
"Oh hi, come on in and let me pour you some Kool-Aid and let's talk about my shitty blog."

i just dont know how to keep it together anymore. im fucking losing it and i feel like im either gonna hurt someone or have to be committed.

Hey, hey I agreed for some PG-13 content. "Fuck" is definitely an R rating.

im just fucking losing it and i cant get a grip on my mind anymore, fuck. i feel like putting my head through a wall and killing myself cause i dont know how to deal with anything anymore.

Well I see a "kill yourself" tag in your future.

just wish some fucking miracle would happen and save me from everything.

"The Lord helps those who help themselves" I believe the Bible says.

i dont think those fucking doctors were right about me not being bi-polar.

Fucking doctors giving me meds that take the edge off but don't do anything for me--
wow you are fucking crazy.

i was thinking about the band i wanna try out for and where that would go and i was also thinking about getting a job to make money and pay for things.

... Speaking of how crazy I am: the job I want.
I just got whiplash from that abrupt change of topics, Jesus.
You probably can't tell because of the way I chop the text up but this is the very next sentence. There's not even a paragraph break. Fuck, she even forgot the space between the period and the next word.

im having a hard time concentrating again. i got the music playing and the tv on to try and help keep me focused.

To ensure I can concentrate I have as many distracting things as I can surrounding me.

i work best that way being ADD.

ADD and bipolar. You are a mess. I have a novel idea: stop fucking thinking of yourself for ten goddamn minutes.

i just really dont know what to do with my life anymore. i wish i could just kill myself and make it easy or just fucking start all over again some way.

People who always talk about killing themselves never do it (I'm just trying to goad you into doing it).

i dont know how to deal with anything and i need my friends so bad. i just fucking want someone here with me or someone to fucking call me for a fucking change.

You know "fuck" only adds emphasis to a word so many times in a row before it loses its impact. You have to let it cool for a bit.

im thinking out of context again, wishing for a better dream in the future. some guy harassing me while im on a movie set about my father and i kick his ass and hold him for citizens arrest.

What the fuck?
Settle down now, wacky.

im trying to calm down and keep it together but its just so fucking hard to. i feel like i should just fucking give up on everything and die somewhere far away from here.

Also, note to future self: Wish You Were Here, So Far Away
HA.

im such a fucking cry for help and attention but i feel its always been that way.

Ho-boy. Yawn.
What a fucking whiny bitch you are, goddamn.

so last night i saw of picture of her kissing her boyfriend again. and just like that it set me off and i immediately got depressed and angry. thank god it wasnt as bad as last time but it was still pretty bad. it only lets me know how much she really does love him and then my skin starts to boil with hatred for this guy.

... Surely this isn't a guy?

i just want her back and i know shes never coming back.

No, I need assurance this is not a man.

i'll always be that guy to her.

This is seriously the most shocked I've been at the gender of a person in a long time on this blog.

just another page in her book. but shes forever burned into the back of my mind and on my heart and i cant ever get rid of the memory of her.

Time to get over it, pusscakes. I know she broke your heart but your goal should be to make her write this whining post about you instead of the other way around next time.
Also while I was digging through my image folder I found an early beta version of my FFXIV character (I know I'm the only person who cares but whatever):

She sure was dark back then.
I guess she's still a delicious brown color but definitely more red than blue now.
Also bintier haircut back then because I didn't know it was the archetypal bint haircut and I thought she just had bangs and it was shorter in the back or like some kind of pageboy haircut :(
Ah, those were good times.

i dont understand why its so hard for me to make and keep friends. why is this a problem that ive been struggling with all my life? its not fair at all!

Oh my God dude. This reads like Hope whining in FFXIII, I'm dead fucking serious. You are the whiniest person I've ever read on Livejournal and that is saying a ton.

im tired of being alone and i just want people that will talk to me and hang out with me! it that so much to ask for!?

Considering I'd fucking punch you if we hung out I think you're better off in isolation.

or better yet, how is it that my brother can make such could lifelong friends that he has and there have never been any problems with any of them.

Because your brother is a cool dude, apparently.
How the fuck is it I hate people and can make friends? Where did you go so horribly wrong, friend?
Oh right, I don't whine incessantly and at least try to be interesting and charming.

why is it so hard for me just to make so real friends? real and good friends? why cant i talk to my best friend more?

All right bro some fucking free advice: fuck friends, fuck all that bro shit, you don't need any of it. What you need to do is cruise on down to the motherfucking Olive Garden, find the most delicious (brown is optional) waitress and you need to make time with her.

i feel like im slipping away from him and maybe that he doesnt feel like we're best friends as much as we used to be. i dont know what would happen if i lost his friendship.

PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU ARE GETTING OLDER AND YOUR FRIEND FINDS HIMSELF WITH A JOB AND MAYBE A GIRLFRIEND AND LIFE OBLIGATIONS.

everything is always good when we're in person. but we cant just talk on the phone like regular people.

Most men I know don't talk on the phone like fucking women. They call, they make plans, and that's the end of it.

im just so fucking tired of always being alone up here and having no one to talk to. and im fucking tired of all the people up here that ive tried to be friends with. my fucking neighbors are still right next to use and i havent heard anything out of them for about 10 months now. some great fucking people they are.

Know how many times I've spoken to my neighbors since I moved here?
NO TIMES.

i hate always crying and being the emotional type lol

Oh my God dude, really?

lets see where to begin on this one. im not sure where to start myself. i just need to get this out cause it pisses me off.

I found the entire Skyrim theme song that they use in the trailer on its own in Mp3 format. You need to listen to it a few times I think, my good faggot.
It's about making blood oaths and fighting to the death and killing dragons and shit.
Just a little manliness to balance your otherwise pussy self out.
It's also 1:30 because it's modeled after old songs and back in the day they knew how to say what they meant and then shut the fuck up.
Something we should all strive to emulate I feel.

so apparently ive lost another friend...again. i hate the state of the way things are done in this world today. its all internet without any earthly human confrontation today. it leaves us all to be cowards.

Did you just accuse me of cowardice you mealymouthed worm?
I will fucking fight you over such an accusation.

hi its me again. its been a while since we've talked.

Hi, just me knocking on your door. Door to your house. House on the internet.

it started with my birthday. i was stuck here with no money and no friends to take me out on my birthday to have fun.

No one cares. Go to work.

i loathed the days upcoming to my birthday cause my past birthdays have been ruined by her.

Days leading up to my birthday are exciting. ANOTHER YEAR GONE, ANOTHER YEAR TO CONQUER.
Oh shit he just updated. This rarely happens so let's REWIND YO and read.

i dont really know how to start this but everything is just a mess again. im out at starbucks writing this time cause i think mom is gonna kick me out. im sorry that i cant control my anger but everything just continues to get worse here.

I can't control my anger nothing is ever my fault but other people are cowards ;_;

i had big plans to leave and go leave in texas with my grandparents but oh wait im guilible and he has alzhiemers and doesnt really have any money to help me out or put me through college.

Then you get student loans and you get a job and put yourself through college, goddamn.

just another stupid plan that fell through cause im too stupid and wont grow a fucking pair and just up and leave this place. and stupid fucking jen was supposed to call me last night and she even fucking promised that she would. i swear im never gonna be fucking able to trust people again. i know we've both been fucking playing games with each other but dammit a fucking promise is a promise.

Yeah. A promise is a promise. First manly thing you've said all blog but it was in reference to what someone else should do.

i think im getting ahead of myself again, feeling a little narsasistic but then again arent we all.

NO, FUCK YOU.
the only times i find myself not thinking is when im playing WoW now which ive got hooked on.
I enjoy this sentence for several reasons:
1. is anyone surprised this guy plays WoW?
2. playing WoW takes literally no thought at all.
Ho, ho, ho. I feel like I just got a look into the average WoW player's life.

she told me today if you wanna take off the just take off.

Taking my pants off, baby and when I do there can be no stopping THE PYTHON.
Hooo, goodness. I'm officially up to his first entry where his location is "his room" and his mood is "lonely :("
What a pussy, goddamn.

Ho-hum.

Did you know we're in a new year?
Apparently.
I wish people would shut up about it, Christ all mighty. AN ARBITRARY AMOUNT OF TIME HAS PASSED? BETTER POST ABOUT IT FOR THE BETTER PART OF A WEEK!
I know I post a lot about FFXIV and other video games like anyone reading this is interested as a joke and no joke it is more interesting than 99% of all blog posts ever.
Speaking of:

31 leatherworker awww yeah son.
I like today's Writer's Block because I feel my answer perfectly encapsulates this entire project.

When was the last time you had a serious conflict with someone on LiveJournal, and what was it about?

MY LAST SERIOUS CONFLICT WAS THE EXISTENCE OF BLOGS AND IT HAS BEEN ONGOING FOR THREE YEARS.

You know, I read this and all I can think is, "Welcome to the new year! Let's dig up our old wounds and start the year off with a good old fashion bitch-fest!"

Oh well excuse me for trying to make a conversation.

I thought the new year is when you laid things aside and tried again. I vote for that.

I'm all for never forgetting a grudge. I vote for that.
Welp looks like my vote cancels your vote out. Why are we even putting this to a vote? Who else is voting?

Sorry, I'm just really,really tired of gut reaction negativity. Or all out searching for the most negative way to think about something.

Stop having gut reaction negativity about gut reaction negativity, jeez. Hypocrite.

I know I'm guilty of it at times as well, and I understand that sometimes we have to just revel in the grumpy.

HYPOCRISY.

However, as a lifestyle, it just useless and stupid and hurts the one doing it the most.

Negativity is a lifestyle?
Really?
I didn't know I was living an alternative lifestyle all this time. So when I was sitting in pussy sensitivity calling everyone pussies I could have been one of the in crowd too?
I feel so empowered!

I wasn't really going to do a wrap up of 2010. I mean, it was a big year for us in a lot of ways.

Not as big as 2011 is going to be.
Have you people seen the trailer for the new Elder Scrolls game?

It was a stressful year, and it was a year that showed us what we were made of.

I don't remember any of this.

Even though I feel like we survived it admirably and I'm glad we did. I don't want to linger on it.

Me too. I'm not sure what we did or where we're lingering (or if we're lingering literally or metaphorically) but I'm glad to be here. I think.

However, there were two things that 2010 brought me that I'm very grateful for, and those I want to take a moment and really think about.

I thought we weren't lingering?
So moving along, then--

First. Quilting.

I SAID "MOVING ALONG, THEN".

I'm sitting here in front of my Christmas tree, listening to Christmas music and surfing the net. What I'm really doing is getting sappy.

Most of the time, I love our life that has led us all over this beautiful country. Most of the time, I love being an integral part of my husband's family.

WE ARE GOING BACK TO CZECHOSLOVAKIA.

This is a party I went to every year of my young life. My aunt used to host it many, many moons ago.

BEHIND THE IRON CURTAIN WE HAVE NO CHRISTMAS.

This is a party I went to every year of my young life. My aunt used to host it many, many moons ago. Every year. She used to have it on Christmas Eve. We would drive the hour down to her house and the hour back, all the while I would watch for Rudolph in the sky. These crazy, brash cousins and their children, who are really closer in age to me than they are.

AND THEN THEY PAVED OVER MY AUNT'S HOUSE TO MAKE TIRE PLANT. SUCH IS LIFE IN GLORIOUS SOCIALIST REPUBLIC.

There was an article awhile back that said that sitting in our office chairs is killing us, apparently especially if we are women.

SIT IN OFFICE CHAIR AND DEVELOP MISSILES FOR GLORIOUS MISSILE PROGRAMME.

Sometimes when I buy a piece of clothing, I know it's going to be a favorite.

IN SOVIET RUSSIA WE STAND IN LINE TO BUY WHATEVER CLOTHING THEY HAVE.
SOME DAY WE WAIT FOUR HOUR, SOME DAY THIRTY MINUTE.
THEN PAY 5000 RUBLES FOR BURLAP SACK.
SUCH IS LIFE IN GLORIOUS SOCIALIST REPUBLIC.
I can do this as long as you can, bitch.

What was the last song you couldn't get out of your head no matter how hard you tried?

DARK IN THE CITY, NIGHT IS A WIRE
STEAM IN THE SUBWAY, EARTH IS A FIRE
DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO

I refuse to say,

WOMAN YOU WANT ME, GIVE ME A SIGN
AND CATCH MY BREATHING EVEN CLOSER BEHIND
DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO

(for fear it will get stuck again) but I will tell you it was in Walmart, Sunday

IN TOUCH WITH THE GROUND,
I'M ON THE HUNT, I'M AFTER YOU
SMELL LIKE I SOUND, I'M LOST IN A CROWD
AND IIII'M HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF.
Here's an aweeeesome dictionary word! Let's see if we can define it before I click on the spoilers (NO CHEATING!)

lucifugous \loo-see-FOO-guhs\ , adjective;

Hmmm--
I'm going to guess that it means someone who flees from the light.
Basic grasp of Latin, anyone?
Luci- meaning light
-fuguous, meaning fleeing?

1. Avoiding light.

Word up.
Wow words with Latin roots are so hard to define.
Anyway what follows after this is a ton of dumb boring shit no one cares about so I'm off.

Oh.

So first thing: important business.Now that that's out of the way: blogs.
The ability she learned in that picture for hitting rank 30, inner quiet, sucks by the way. In theory it's supposed to raise the quality of the next synth you do (which is of dubious usefulness in the first place) but doesn't appear to actually work correctly so it's really useless.

Are there any subjects you either embrace or totally avoid talking about when you meet someone new?

I'll talk about anything because I'm just affable and charming like that.

Plenty! I hate subjects like: What's your family like? Are you single? Do you have an age limit when it comes to dating.

Well fortunately as a man I don't run into this problem ever but I am curious as to what kind of men you're talking to. Who asks shit like that? WOULD YOU DATE AN OLDER GUY BECAUSE YOU HAVE WONDER CHILDBEARING HIPS-- the fuck is wrong with people?

(usually asked by some rusty-looking, 30-year-old dude. Yuck!) Then of course there are those crude questions...I just hate any question asked about my life. Period. Oh...and of course...Can I have your phone number? (I'm extremely introverted and reclusive)

"Baby if I wanted your phone number I'd already have it."

I embrace simple questions like: What genre of music do you like?

Oh I love asking people that question.
Statistically likely response (based on own research figures [95% confidence interval]):
"I dunno I like all kinds of music, lol"
Woooow thanks for dead-ending this topic.

What do you like to do for fun?

"Umm I like hanging out with friends and listening to music (redundant after previous question) what about you, lol?"

What are your hobbies?

"Oh you know, I like to go shopping and talk to friends on Facebook (I'm such a nerd xP)"

What are your future goals?

>Simple questions
>future plans
Also the previous responses have played out for me so many times I don't even bother talking to people and I just assume I already know the answers to their lives.
I'm right more times than I'm wrong by a ridiculous factor.
I'm currently moving on to a new paradigm of categorizing people. It's sort of like how you can categorize books by genre even though within each genre there are several permutations on a similar theme or visual or concept.
I think, after identifying the prime archetypes I can trace the common traits and create a personality profile for the first humans ever.

What's your favorite thing to do on a lazy Sunday?

Okay this gets specifically into her hobbies, so let's see how much we can go on in a hypothetical dialog.

Sleep, write, watch anime/movies, sleep, write, internet, sleep...

So we have "write" twice, "sleep" three times, "the internet"once and we'll just compress movies and anime into a general "watching TV" category.
Considering "sleeping" is about as much as a hobby as "existing" or "breathing" we can just cut that right the fuck out so we're already down three things on a 7 item list.
In my experience most people are pretty guarded about what they write (or they sell it on future potential like "I'll show you some next time") so we can probably cut that out too, though I wouldn't categorically eliminate it yet.
"the internet" is so vague as to be useless so I probably wouldn't even ask, especially considering it probably boils down to "Facebook" anyway so the only thing one could ask her about is "well what kind of movies?" to which the response would be "I like all movies lol" (translation: whatever is popular currently).

Dammit it all to hell! I constantly feel like my life is just all one big fucking smudge of a blur! Everything passes me by and I'm just sitting right in the middle of it all...watching. Sigh. I'm like a ghost...a fucking appartion just drifting through nothingness.

Hell yeah. Being a ghost would be awesome.

There's no sky, there's no air, there's no light.

This sounds awesome. Transcending and turning into pure energy.

There's just darkness all around me.

Oh.
CRAAAAAAAAAAWLIIIIIIIIIING IIIIIIIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL

Darkness and a whole bunch of bullshit constantly shooting me in the fucking face!

Shit this is hardcore.
Shit just melting from the shadows and shooting you in the face? "From nothing have I come, and to nothing shalt I return."

Oh how I long to be somebody else! I hate who I am. I hate me, I hate them, I hate everything!

And the entire thing is really just a primordial force that can assume the form of anything it comes into contact with but isn't really capable of intelligent thought as we understand it, it just does all of this shit because that's what it does.
It'd be like getting angry at a hurricane for tearing shit up. That's what it does, Christ.
That'd be an awesome villain.

I'm tired of existing...you know? I feel like all I ever do is listen to lies, watch people sneak out the damn door, and fucking scream at me for shit that doesn't make even the slightest bit of sense.

This is a really emo entry, but thanks for giving me an awesome idea.
Actually fuck you, I'm thanking myself. You had relatively little to do with it, really.

Maybe it's me. Is that it? Is it me? And if that's the fucking case then what's the purpose of my being here? Why the fuck am I needed?

Do you want the reality or do you want me to sugarcoat it?
The reality is you are unnecessary and redundant as there are several thousand people that are a close approximation to you.
I guess in a literal sense you could "be needed" to produce something or do some activity (which would invariably be menial) but in the grand scheme of things even that's redundant, especially in light of the fact nearly any of your thousands of close approximations could do the task effectively as well as you can.

No one fucking benefits from my being here. It's not like the world is gonna collapse because one person fucking disappears!

Yeah that's kind of what I was saying.
It's probably better that way, though, because if the world collapsed due to the lack of one person I'm guessing it would have collapsed a long time ago and let's face it, you (or me, or anyone reading this) probably wouldn't be that one person whose absence causes the world to collapse.

I'd give up everything to disappear. I wish I were deaf so I wouldn't hear their voices, I wish I were blind so I wouldn't see their faces!

Did I tell you guys what bullshit the R35 leves are?
The rewards are fucking rad on paper but there's no fucking way you can do them at rank 30, especially since two of the three I've gotten required a separate subcraft I don't have.
The start of every 10 ranks is incredibly awkward as you can't quite do the new leves yet but the old ones are way too easy and don't give the skill points they would have previously.

I wish I were mute so I wouldn't have to answer such retarded questions or talk to such ignorant beings

I was about to go on about my dumb FFXIV character but I suddenly had a rush of strange memories at her talking about being mute. Anyone remember that show John Doe and there was that weird cult that only spoke in sign language?
That show had a lot of potential but wasn't very good and then they canceled it.
Good premise ruined by Fox writers, I think.

I wish I was gone so I wouldn't have to stand in their presence and endure all of this.

Oh yeah, anyway: almost rank 31, though, so I'm hoping it'll alleviate somewhat. I (maybe foolishly) bought tawing training instead of glovemaking or cobbler training but I kind of figured with all the fur I was going to be making in the coming levels (because gigantoad skin is almost impossible to get reliably) tawing would probably come in handy but now I'm not so sure with most of the rank 35 leves revolving around gloves or shoes and I'll apparently need every advantage.

I hate people who always want something, but they treat you like fucking dirt!

I'm amazed people trade with me at all in FFXIV. I get these insanely one-sided deals constantly and people thank me!
I guess it really is as I've always said:
common birth, common man.
Also bizarrely people seek me out specifically to repair their leather shit now. I get tells from people I've never even heard of. I guess it's because I am apparently like 1 of 20 people that can repair half this shit but goddamn.
Oh, there are 171 people on my server 30 or higher.
That's not very many considering there are over 20,000 total.

But most of all....I hate the looks in their eyes. I hate the way they all look at me!!!

Eh, whatever. Love me or hate me, your money is all the same to me.

My Sony Walkman is here and it's awesome.

And it is the year 1982.
Gonna pop my Flock of Seagulls tape in and go for a walk--

I love it. Instead of downloading a measly 250 songs to it (like my lame Sansa),

You can now pop a tape in which contains an entire 12 songs!
Of course after song 5 you have to flip the tape over and after a while the tape gets a little old so the end of the one side starts to sound funny--
ask your grandmother.

I bought it in red because that's one of my favorite colors, besides black and purple of course.

Of course.

For the past two days I've had this strange headache that's been killing me. Literally....

Literally.
I am literally dying from this headache.

Well, technically it's not a headache since it's in the back of my head...

>technically not a headache because it's in the back of my HEAD
>back of the HEAD ACHES
>not a HEADACHE
Welp.

In fact, I hate "family" gatherings period. Drama always happens and somehow I always get caught up in the middle of it and take blows that weren't meant for me.

I love it when these bloggers play innocent. I can't be sure they're at fault because I'm not actually there but I'd bet money they're not guiltless.

I also miss the stars. I miss seeing so many in the sky. I remember that...as a child...I would gaze at them from my bedroom window and see that odd red, glowing light blinking on top of the water tower. They were so bright, so filled with life, and no matter what I had just went through it would soothe my nerves.

That light on the water tower actually isn't a star. It's a light that keeps low-flying planes from hitting it.

I think stars represent some sort of hope. I also believe that for all the billions of stars in the sky, each of them represents a person that has lived on this planet.

I think they represent balls of burning hydrogen and helium myself.

Then again, what if a star was some kind of guide?

Astrology? What's that?
I'm inventing this entire belief on the fly, here.

Suppose they're there to help guide you on some sort of path and it's possible to communicate with it and call upon its power?

ON THE FLY, I TELL YOU.

I hate mankind. There's just no point in them.

REJOICE, MORTALS! YOUR SLAVERY TO THE FALSE EMPEROR ENDS TODAY.
Oh, uh-- wow, this entry sure has gone on a while.
Considering what follows is WRITER'S BLOCKS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE I think that's it for today.