Time to focus~

Holy shit you people are so incredibly boring today I just realized I spent 15 minutes with my eyes unfocused pretending I was reading. That's pretty dire since this is a tactic typically reserved for such classics as "Culturally Relevant Lesson Plans" and "Glas" by Jacques Derrida.
Speaking of that asshole Derrida: I'm glad he fucking died.
Deconstruct that, asshole.
Anyway here we have something-or-other.

I don't have long to say what needs to be said to free myself of anxiety and anger.

You have exactly the time you need.

In fact, I only have ten or so minutes.

So little time, so little to say.

But I hate needing money to stay in a place to write and feel safe and so on.

This does sound like a problem maybe I don't really care to hear about it though-- zzzzz.

I am not even really at that point itself. Instead I feel fearful of losing everything so quickly.

If you were a good writer you could just sell your writings and live like a king~
Oooooor become a hopeless alcoholic like all the good writers.

I love writing so much that I know it will be the death of me. I will follow the words until someone follows me into a darkness as rich as her hair and I will be murdered there.

Yeah I don't know what any of that means but I wrote a really good short story last night I think I'll let it go cheap though~

I really like being able to sit here and type about these thoughts they can't imagine even more.

But if you can type it can't it, by definition, be imagined?

I wish that I could do what Jack Kerouac did and sit there for days and days just writing until I was finsihed with everything I wanted to say and then sleep for awhile.

"finsihed" indeed. What's that old saying? "Art through adversity"?
Hmm.

I am definite that I will start making more videos on Youtube with this sort of place where I am isolated as if it is for videos.

Speaking of I had an awesome Pokemon battle that I'm thinking of uploading.
It had a late game Arcanine sweep and everything.
Aggron head smashes a bitch: it's great.
Hitmonlee takes a Nasty Plot boosted shadow ball from Mismagius only to survive with 13 HP and stone edge for the KO and I think I just ruined the big tweeeest.

But I really need to get somewhere with my writing. There is nothing I can do with the publishers who are looking for money just to read my work

I'm as certain as I can be about a subject on this. You should never pay a publisher to read your shit.
I mean what kind of sense does that make? That's like paying someone for a job or paying someone to hold on to your money. I mean unless this is some kind of vanity press because you're too low talent to consult a real publisher, in which case I don't know what to tell you, dude.

But I don't care, they need to be paid through other means so that the poor writers like me can put there stuff out there to be rejected much easier.

Wow still butthurt about rejections?

I hope I get word from some other publisher sooner or later and I don't know if the earlier I hear from them the better my work must have been or the shittier it must have been since they must have just thrown it out on the first sighting of it.

Hey man at least they bother to reject you. I remember I entered a Warhammer fiction contest and they said they wouldn't write rejection letters but I got one in my email anyway.
At least it said enough one way or another that they thought they had to dissuade me.
That letter, incidentally, read thus:
"Decent but not what we're looking for."
Indeed.

All I know is that I no longer care about the way that I am writing so much and it is all about the entertainment it delivers to me.

Yeah you'll never get published. Keep it as a fun hobby, man.

So, I am alone in my room, in Lockwood. Nothing new is happening besides my inability to sleep coming back with a vengence. Last night there was no way I was going to get any sleep.

No way I was going to sleep what with the demon in the corner of my room glaring at me all night.
No nothing that interesting will ever happen in a blog, sorry.

Now there is to be consequences and Clinton wants an international response to go against North Korea.

According to my clock the date is 6/7/2010, and Clinton hasn't been president for a couple of years.

So if you are reading this, look up some more things about this country's actions globally.

Sorry I'm really busy.

Tell me or everyone else you know without offending them and see what they think and debate or discuss the reality in the manner of spreading the word.

What am I, your secretary? Look your own shit up. Asshole.

I would prefer no more war, no more mindless killing. Because that is what I feel it is.

Oh my fuck you suck at writing.
I always love it when these pseudo-intellectuals say shit like this. I WOULD PREFER NO MORE WAR.
WHO THE FUCK PREFERS MORE WAR?
Outside of weapons dealers and the like NO ONE WANTS WAR.

The last thing I will say is, the world is overfilling, spilling over the brim of its glass.

What does that even mean?

The truth is I can't stop thinking about life, and my placement in it.

Commas do not work that way~

I can't stop dreaming to be the writer I am, in the eye of the world.

Commas still do not work that way~
Also: "I can't stop dreaming to be"? "Dreaming to be"? What kind of verb tense is that?

Sure. I'm lazy. What of it?

Hey man I don't give a shit what you are. You're alive and it's bothering me, fuck.

I am alone. So utterly alone because she loves me, but can't handle me.

I barely know you and I can already tell you are a lot to handle.
Anyway I got shit to do and this is starting to give me a headache.

Oh boy let me hurr durr derp durr

Today's blogs appear to be a lesson in how to fucking piss me off.
I LOOOOOOOVE HAVING TO SCROLL PAST THE SAME DRAWING OVER AND OVER TO READ WORDS.
I sometimes wonder if there was a 1200s version of me bitching about illuminated text. I JUST LOOOOOOOOVE HAVING TO SCROLL PAST A GIANT LETTER A TO READ WORDS. Anyway I was trying to figure out what the fuck this drawing was and it vaguely reminds me of Morrowind or Oblivion with some nudity mods installed but I'm not really sure.
Our first entry is one of those typical self-indulgent "I've been doing a lot of soul searching and I've learned..." Meanwhile no one gives a shit and this person doesn't have any friends to talk to so goody me I get to read it.

While reading a very angry and bitter debate about some very heavy/controversial topics that I will not name, I realized something about myself. I very, very rarely express my personal views on any topic, (whether it be in public or in private - though even rarer will I do it in public) especially if it's something people get into frothing rages at each other over.

I, too, try to avoid such arguments in public (unless I'm feeling dickish, which is often) mostly because I feel anger-avoidance strategies are a very important component in manipulation.

I'm not willing to risk the high chances of being crucified for my views or having my personal morality torn apart just because people may disagree with me and can't express that without being a dick.

An internally consistent code of morality should have relatively little to fear from external attacks of such a nature but OH WAIT WE GOT OUR MORALITY FROM THE TV OR A BOOK.

I think that my unwillingness to express my views on various topics makes me... kind of boring? Uninteresting? Who wants to talk to someone with the likeness of a robot?

Holy Christ I thought I just escaped this topic on a forum where we're ostensibly talking about video games.
THIS IS WHY YOU'LL NEVER HAVE A GIRLFRIEND LOL
I was just looking for the PSO thread of the day why are there no video game threads on the front page ;_;

It's true that there's a lot of things I'm apathetic about, but there's PLENTY of other things I feel pretty strongly about.

Apathy is the absolute strongest position in a debate.
Seriously name one person harder to convince than someone who doesn't give a fuck.
CAN'T BE DONE.

I'm afraid of being hated, disliked - risking that possibility is a huge thing I'm trying to overcome.

"My job isn't done unless at least one person is uncomfortable in their own skin after I leave."

Is it stupid to long and crave for someone to love and cherish one of your own characters as much as you do?

I guess so because you could be spending this same effort trying to create compelling characters.
Which based off how much of a spineless coward you seem to be I'm guessing it's highly likely your characters are boring as fuck.

I'm sorry if I seem grumpy, rude, evasive, uninterested or anything else that isn't cheerful and friendly. I just don't have my usual energy right now. I'm sorry.

Apology came: April 21, 2010.
I sense a theme approaching.
Here are some drawings.
Yeah they're not bad I guess. They vaguely remind me of shit I've seen in The Legend of Zelda or something.

Just reactivated my WoW account. I kind of feel like I need a break from creative thinking for a bit, so. A game will be good. Been sort of missing WoW a little anyways lately,

ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS

NO RAIDING THOUGH, NO GUILDS, HOLY SHIT FUCK THAT MESS FDKSJLFJGGKLhgghdfgfdergdtgjhj

No raiding because running through one short corridor and fighting a boss TAKES UP TOO MUCH OF MY PRECIOUS TIME OTHERWISE SPENT BITCHING ON THE INTERNET :(

Which of my characters is your favorite? You don't have to, but please tell me why!

How delightfully self-indulgent.
Oh look, and people have voted. Oh wait, what's this? Remember this from five minutes ago?

Is it stupid to long and crave for someone to love and cherish one of your own characters as much as you do?

OH LOOK AT ME I'M A MISUNDERSTOOD ARTIST EVEN THOUGH PEOPLE APPARENTLY LIKE MY BULLSHIT ENOUGH TO VOTE.
Here's something she calls "storythings" which I think most normal people would call "plot lines" or perhaps "plot elements" but we'll see.

I had a reason - I was hoping to just write it all in novel form but... I'm kind of wondering when the hell I'll ever get around to actually writing the story.

Also because writing stories is really hard.

:(Kuoiska are the entertainers of engott society. For a price, they will dance, sing, cook, clean, run your errands and keep you company.

Oh so they're like fancy maids.
Or prostitutes.

They will not, however, entertain sexual desires as it is strictly forbidden - but they are excessive flirts, as this is the staple of Kuoiska stature.

So fancy maids.

Purchasing the company of a Kuoiska, regards of reason, is something reserved only for the wealthy and/or royal.

Wow so original.

Odaain takes a Kuoiska wife despite the taboo nature of it. He attempts to keep her hidden but Iddol inevitably discovers her.

So how many unexplained vocab words have we encountered in two sentences?
Kuoiska (how do you pronounce that), Odaain (long a sound?), Iddol (pronounced like Idol? Ihd-doll?) all for what? What essentially boils down to Romeo and Juliet?

In an act of sadistic vengeance for (innocent) acts committed in his childhood by Odaain, Iddol has her killed under the illusion of her trainer's orders and denies Odaain permission to take action. Odaain suffers greatly for this loss, though his loyalty to Iddol remains unchanged, unaware of Iddol's involvement besides the demand to stay his blade.

You know some people who witness people close to them murdered become Daredevil or Batman.

Odaain is the one who helps Teuates' mother escape Iddol's castle.

Teuates (too-ahtehs?)

He does this for two reasons: She is a Kuoiska, just like his late wife was.

But these geisha girls aren't supposed to have sex how can one be a mother when one was murdered for simply taking a husband what is happening--

The first several Jaanus mothers died in childbirth to sons with overdeveloped horns, if they didn't die during the pregnancy itself (as a result of these horns stabbing them from the inside out.) After this, it become royal law amongst the Jaanus lineage that no queen become pregnant - ever.

How do you continue royal bloodlines if the women can't get pregnant
OH MY FUCK THIS MAKES NO SENSE.

Instead, choice women are selected in groups to be impregnated for an heir.

How original.

Many engott live two lives as both genders and this is accepted. However, in the case of Judovaal'ior, only true males are allowed to become Judovaal'ior.

WOOOOORDS.

How does one check to see if a man is truly a man and not a woman in disguise?

Well if she has a penis I've got some news.

True males have genital tentacles, true females do not.

You thought Wednesday's blog dealt with some confusing gender issues? Let me tell you.

I was thinking - should I make an entry with a listing of all my characters complete with references and information?

Your story is so confusing and convoluted and filled with bullshit made up words for simple concepts that have real world parallels you need to create a Cliff Notes just to follow along.
I mean Jesus Christ I've seen books that have included character thumbnails and relationship trees but usually they were trying to describe all of the primary players in a giant civil war, and even then you'd remember the important characters.

I got a new HD too - NOW I CAN FINALLY PLAY OBLIVION SDKLFJSDLFJDS. 400 gigs. Yaaay! Was only 40 bucks too. Holy shit, I remember back in the day when 50 gigs was like 150 dollars. D:

I remember back when 14 MB was 3500.
No, I lied. I saw an ad from 1983 once :(
Also did I call the Oblivion thing or what?
Man I'm awesome.
Now here's a drawing she did of something called "Judovaal'ior" and I'm supposed to "brace for epic" but I think I liked it a lot better when they were called Judges and they were from Final Fantasy.
See how that works, incidentally? Judges. I get it. They're judges. Who or what is a "Judovaal'ior"?
Seeing as how they both start with "jud" I think someone is getting inspiration from someone.
Now I'm not going to point fingers but it's our blogger for the day.
Anyway this entry has run on entirely too long. Be seeing you, friends.

What's Happening

What is happening
what are words
The problem I've had with blogs recently (I have a lot of problems with blogs but just recently) is that people seem to think they're Wikipedia or something and every other word is a link to some article.
Gee I didn't know the musings of some 17 year old high school twat had so many requisite readings to go with it.
The ever-thorny "what gender is this person?" situation is at once more and less confusing today. She (pronouns help) is a male to female transgendered, err, person, apparently. As near as I can tell.
Just to be safe, though: you're both a cunt and a dick.

I've been meaning to put together a bunch of links regarding the oil spill, but somebody has already beaten me to it.

Oh good, I'm sure we've all needed someone to compile a series of documents on this situation. So glad you're here, Usullusa. Before you did this we've all been wandering around guessing at shit, or doing absolutely fuck all if you're the government or BP.

Apparently there have been many complains that Obama isn't doing enough on the LGBTQ front.

Obama not doing enough about something?
Well this is certainly news to me.

Canvasing is making me hate everybody ever. Grassroots Campaign is currently working on behalf of the ACLU and one of the pulls that we use is "Do you have a minute for gay rights?"

"Nope I only have fifty minutes to kill Rathalos and he likes to stay in the air a lot."

Do you know what I get at least half the time from people?
"No, I'm fine."
NO YOU'RE FINE? NO YOU'RE FINE? I KNOW YOU'RE FINE. BUT I'M NOT.

"Not my fucking problem. Rathalos plate is a 3% drop."

I am so happy to hear that while millions of people are being treated unfairly at best and beaten and murdered at worst because of their sexual orientation, you are fine.

Yeah thanks. Life has treated me well and my ghost will rest easy-- wait, no, no. Wrong thing.

Do you know what I hear when I hear "No, I'm fine."?

I know what I hear: "GOT SHIT TO DO. GOT A LIFE TO LEAD AND TAXES TO PAY."

"I've never had to worry about being discriminated against because of who I love a day in life, so no I don't really care. I am so comfortable in all my cushy privilege and that's all that's really important to me."

Hey it's almost like you have to make people care about shit to get them to do something about it. What do they call that skill? Rhetoric or something? Yeah, yeah like something they teach you in high school.
Oh well I'm sure it's not important.

The "Top Kill" plan, which involved pumping some kind of sludge into the pipes to block the flow of crude oil has failed.

Yeah I had a similar plan also called "Top Kill" to fix the oil spill, only mine involved a SPAS-12 combat shotgun.
Not very popular, my plan. Too bad because I think it'd actually work.

Okay, I swear book reviews are coming up soon (I need to finish The Pinhoe Egg), but humor me.

Can't wait for them book reviews.

The whole weekend was like that. I made the fucking mistake of stumbling into the bathroom still in my underwear and ended up catching an earful for not shaving my legs.

Female to male transgender?
Let's give this pause for thought.
On second thought let's not.

I've been having this discussion a lot lately. In the past few weeks I've often found myself having to defend my participation in fandom. Having people think that my interest is silly or lazy is really frustrating. Fanfic is not a less legitimate form of interacting with source material, and it's definitely not disgusting, immoral, or illegal.

>Fanfiction
>not less legitimate
Oh yes it is.
Fanfiction is the lowest form of writing there is.

Once you've shared your creation with the world, it ceases being wholly yours. You do not have a monopoly on thinking about your creation.

This is true. People are free to interpret it any way they please but that doesn't make them any less wrong when they come up with bullshit interpretations and read too far into the text like 90% of all fanfiction and college classes.

Other people can also think about it. I assume, in fact, that was your goal. But those other people might think about it differently than you might.

Before you pull a bullshit OPINIONS CAN'T BE WRONG LOL there are facts when reading a book.

And they might want to talk about it. And it might come out in the form of fanfiction.

I have never once read a fanfiction (I can stop there actually but I have tried out of mild curiosity so I guess that counts) that made me "think deeper" about its subject matter. Of course usually the "subject matter" is Naruto and there isn't a lot of deep thinking to do in the first place but whatever.

And honestly, I think it's pretty damn flattering that somebody might care enough about your material that they would take time and effort into writing about it.

Yeah they're called scholars and they do shit called "literary analysis" that's usually a bunch of pedantic bullshit but once in a while a truly novel thought comes out that makes not only you but a lot of other people think about the writing in an entirely new way.
You know, exactly like fanfiction has never done once.

It is NOT out of laziness or lack of creativity or desire for attention.

Yes it is. If you were truly that good at writing you could come up with your own shit.
But you can't, and so here we sit.

Any by the way, if nobody ever riffed off anybody else, art would have stopped dead in its tracks millennia ago.

Of course people borrow from each other constantly but ripping off the characters, setting, plots, etc wholesale is a little bit different than "riffing".

Also, the chatlog between sythia and me has officially gotten so big that my computer crashes when I try to open it.

HOW FUCKING BIG IS THIS DOCUMENT JESUS CHRIST

Oklahoma has passed new abortion laws. Now women who want to have an abortions have to get an ultrasound prior and hear a detailed description of the fetus.

Why is it every time a sentence starts with "Oklahoma has passed new laws" what follows is inevitably "herp durp de durr hurr."
It's the proximity to Texas I think.

Somewhere out there, GLBTQ individuals are being attacked and killed for being queer.

Okay GLBTQ. Gay. Lesbian. Bisexual. Transgender.
... Q.
Quo--
Qu--
Nope.
Ohhhhh okay. "Q" stands for "queer" or "people questioning their sexual identity" (thanks Wikipedia).

Today was one of those days where I woke up, thought about it, and went back to sleep. So I've missed all of my classes so far today.

I call those days "days where I have to go to class" but then I end up muscling through anyway because I'M HARDCORE LIKE THAT.

I do intend to go to my linguists lecture though because we're doing the "QueerSpeak" unit which I am excited for.

I call those days "days where I've lost all control of my life and thoughts."
1984 doublespeak bullshit fuck you, linguistics.

And we're not actually going to be talking about older gay male culture today!

Today, implying this has been going on for more than one day.
... When am I going to learn how to teach, again?

That gets tedious and is only relevant to my interests up to a certain point.

Yeah at least you get a day that's relevant to your interests.
I'm still waiting.

So remember that really hot scene in Lady Gaga's new Telephone music video? Where she makes out with that woman in the prison yard?

An entire team of sociologists, psychologists, anatomists, film experts and myself confirmed that was a man.
We were an international* group* of people with diverse ethnic*, sexual*, linguistic*, religious* and personal convictions* so we are in no way biased.

*: it was two white guys

Anyway we are experts in most fields of study.

It's been almost a week since I came out to my parents as "bisexual". Rather, I told them that I'm not dating a guy.

So... Girl?

To my mother I explained what genderqueer is and that I'm seeing somebody who identifies as such.

So...

They will tell me I am confused, that my friends and the media have put these thoughts in my head, that I don't have enough confidence to pursue [real] men.

Okay, so she's a girl.
Yeah, I got it.
Well that was an exercise in linguistics I wasn't expecting on a Wednesday.
Anyway piss off I'm getting a headache.