A guide on how to get reck'd

Waiting for a phone call that probably isn't coming--
waitin'.
Time to kill time: only way I know how to do that is to get fucking angry at strangers on the internet.
Today we're getting a rock solid lesson in "holy shit bro what the fuck are you doing?"
This blog might be really boring because I only read like two sentences in it before I knew this is what was happening today.
Those might be the only two sentences in the entire blog worth commenting on but we'll see.

So yes, some have asked me about how to impress a Chinese girl or Asian girls in general. How?

By being white, not a complete mutant and over 5'4".
Sorry bro you're going to be forever perceived as the man who failed with white wahms instead of the wise man we both know you are.
Excuse me for going after the women classically known for not nagging you to death.
Clearly my standards are the low ones.
Retards.

By trying to learn some Tang poems. Why? In this dynasty, there was a famous poet named Li Bai, who wrote many poems about how a man should treat a woman, and he should behave around her.

Holy shit bro
what the fuck are you doing?
God I can just imagine this class.
I remember this class.
I felt embarrassed for the guy.
Then I leaned over to the girl and said "look at this asshole" and she laughed.
Yeah that's right. Thanks for setting up a perfect situation to hit on a chick that I didn't monopolize on.

He critisized "rape, possessivity and jealousy" in relationships between a man and a woman. He got very disappointed by his fellow males' behavior around females (for example, badmouthing the Woman's country and relatives and saying, rude, sexual things when complimenting her and not being honest when doing so).


So here's how to be a real "gentleman" in China and to make her see you as a man in my culture: 

Harr getting a lesson from some mutant on the internet in not being a mutant

In Chinese Mandarin, the poem would be thus :

Chuan qiang ming yue guan,
Ye lai feng yu sheng.
Hua Luo zhi duo shao. 

Thanks for noting the tones, asshole. This is as unintelligible to me as it is to a Chinese person.

Recipe 176 : Why Asian Men "cannot" date White Women

Why would they want to, exactly?
I call those guys (all both times I've seen them) "dark wise men" or "bizarro wise men".
I'm sure that's the thing to do in whatever dimension they're originally from.
Don't judge them just because they're interdimensional travelers you fuck.
Look at how they adopted our customs by not wearing shoes on your hands.

Whom are gorgeous and stunning if you ask me here (E.G Jennifer Aniston, Liv Tyler, Kate Blanchet, Princess Diana from England, Tiger Woods' ex-wife). I'll be unveiling the reasons why in a few. 

Wow bro.
Wow.
I'm going to tell you the theme song of today's update.
Just put this on in the background and I think you'll see where I'm coming from pretty much always.

1. His Mother has "absolute power" over him in China, so she decides everything for him. So if any "White Vixen" or "Blond whore" is trying "to steal/take her flesh and blood away from her", she'll resist, mark my words, like any Mother would. I'm sorry to offend anyone, but that's the way White Ladies are "called" in my native dialect. 

Is that true?
I sort of believe it.

2. So to get his parents' "yes you may/can be our daughter-in-law", the White girlfriend must first try to get his mother's affections or to "earn her trust" by giving her gifts, showing her attention (like in some Asian dramas). Or she could try to give her a massage and etc. And the White girlfriend must try to convince his mum to "let" her be his girfriend and then wife.  

"Or she could try to give her a massage."
You sure this was a drama and not a porno?

3. White women are perceived as "dirty" and loving "free relationships" too much in the Mainland. By that, I mean "no strings' attached" or "on-and-off" relationships in modern English. Now I think some White women do truly love (or are really in love with) their Asian boyfriends, having seen some such couples in my life. So some Chinese mothers (with a traditional mind) would see the White girlfriend as a "threat in her family trying to tempt her son with her evil, seductive ways and trying to break her family up". Again, "no sex before marriage" in some Asian parents' minds, particularly the Mainlanders. In short, White females=demons, harpies and witches in the Chinese, Japanese and Korean cultures... which I myself don't think it's true by the way here. 

"White women are harpies"
Mainland Chinese wisdom or this blog's wisdom?

4. So for the Asian (and mostly the Han) male, the White female is the Forbidden Fruit, the bad influence or how to say it : the guilty pleasure. And he'd be "breaking traditions" by taking a White wife or by being engaged to a White woman in some Asian societies. For example, Mainland China. His own people would be asking him : "Where's your Asian wife"? Or telling him to "go back to your Asian wife". 

We're still left with an important bullet that isn't covered:
Why would he want this setup in the first place?

To conclude my article here, some tips from me to some White wives or girlfriends in this predicament : do not try (or refrain from doing so) to convert him to Christianism or some Western religions. And please avoid "badmouthing" China or saying China's communist and Satanist or the Chinese gvnt's "wrong". And again, do not talk about his looks so openly in her house. And some Asians (Hans mainly) are very "sheltered" boys indeed and their Mums would try to "protect" them by interfering in their lovelife or sexlife. 

"Christianism"
come on m8
check it.
Also thanks for the advice, I guess. If you're a Chinese man and any of this is true you sound pretty fucked.
"Mama won't allow it so just date an Asian girl" is how this all translates to me.
I don't even believe this is true. This guy is full of shit.
He just seems full of shit.

Recipe 175 : Why Westerners are off-limit to Han Women?

They're not.
God the internet.

Especially living in Mainland China, why indeed? 1stly, China's many Western countries's number 1 enemy currently, politically, economically and religiously speaking.

Ignoring that's not even a coherent thought how in the fuck is the West China's main economic enemy?
Quick Google search of China's #1 trading partner:
WOW WHAT DO YOU KNOW IT'S THE US.

So saying things like "Free Tibet, Free Mongolia" in China definitely won't help (would even get you ennemies) as Hans are extremely patriotic. So if you as a Westerner go there and say these things on the streets or in downtown Bei Jing(as it's a very sensitive and hot topic on Bei Jing news and etc), you won't have a chance with a Han girl. 

If I'm in China why in the fuck am I whinging about shit I don't care about?
"FREE TIBET" is a sure way to get in some girl's pants.
I bet that wouldn't even work at some pussy sensitivity rally here.
Get your act together.

And in conclusion here today, I'd like to ask European males a question, why such obsession with and such attraction to Han Chinese women? Are there not enough beautiful women in the West too? Why not pick one of your own Women as a lifemate/companion? 

Brother
I'm cutting you some slack because you're actually Chinese as it turns out
but seriously get reck'd.

And also, best solution to this problem, according to me : marry within your own race/ethnicity! Otherwise, too much complications. On these thoughts, nice dreams and have a nice week-end! 

Where did you go so horribly wrong?

How do we (the Chinese) look at the Koreans or feel about the Japanese?


Well, first off, raw historical facts : Japan invaded Korea and China. China aided the Koreans for a decade or so. It's much like the Israel-Palestine issue in the Middle-East. 

Genghis Khan also tried (and failed) to invade Japan.
He didn't try that hard though.
I think he'd have succeeded if he hadn't said "well never mind then."

I know I may or might sound strange or weird, but yeah... my family doesn't care all that much about what the Japanese did to the Chinese during WWII. Of course, my grandparents do... but my dad/mum would buy me sushi and Japanese tea even because I like it. And I told them to not be racist against them (the Japanese). My parents never taught me to hate them. So I'm a Chinese girl, but a Japanophile.

This is a girl?
Wow ok.
Didn't see that one coming--
She can still get reck'd though.
So I'm now interpreting that earlier advice of "learning some poem from the dark age" as ways to get into her pants.

So yeah many wondered about this and have asked me questions about it... why are social appearances and honor important in China? Why do they matter so much in a Chinese girl's eyes? Well... it's related to "loosing and saving face" in my earlier post. E.G some girls would buy "brand items" just for "keeping up her own appearance and saving her honour before others". This could/may be looked upon/on as a new form of "superficiality and/or materialism" in the modern Chinese society.

This isn't nearly as interesting as the advice I got from a Korean girl:
"if you want to marry a Korean girl you have to beat her father at Starcraft first."
So if anything I'll say just going off the last two days of interaction with Asian women Korean girls aren't quite as heavy duty as all this.
Although considering Starcraft is a national sport there part of me wonders if she wasn't serious.
Maybe putting all my eggs in the Warhammer basket was a mistake.

Recipe 156 : How to date an Asian girl

Finally some practical advice from one of these fucking things.
How long have I been waiting?
Like four years or something?

1. Always try to see : what's good for her and not for you (as a guy/male) only and "What's in it for her"? And "What are you (the male or guy) to her"? Please don't be male-centered when "being with or dating one". And always be on-time when having rdzs/dates with her... She'd (the Chinese girl) hate you for being late. And course, this might/may change as your relationship goes on but yeah. Do not piss her off by "being late on your first date".

Oh thanks.
Never would have guessed being on time was important.
False alarm people.

Interestingly enough, Chinese girls "adored" a "family or home-Goddess" 'round the 3 kingdom's dynasty (3 k years ago in our history), much like the Greek deity Hestia.

Yeah definitely false alarm.
I know for a fact this deity (and Hestia) aren't this fucking crazy.
I think you're confusing what you think the gods tell you to do for your own mental instability.
Leave it to me to skip over all the blogs that are Asian girls just talking about usual shit and go right for the crazy.
Also don't presume to tell me how to live honorably. I use Zeus as a pattern for my conduct. I know what it is to be honorable more than any man alive.

7. My friendly advice : absolutely do not kiss her while meeting her parents, you (as her Western bf) would be an embarrassment to her and her whole family. How will she marry you later on?

This one bit of advice comes up like 87,000 times. The impression I'm getting is this is the key to dating Asian women.
Yeah I know Asian countries aren't big on the public displays of affection.
I'm cool with it.
Whatever.

In Chinese, eumphemisms are intoned in the voice or used in oral Chinese. For example, telling your Chinese sweetheart "I want to sleep with you" would sound too crude in her ears, the euphemism I'd use here would be : "let's make flowers.", which would mean something similar to or along the lines of: "let's make love/have baby flowers" in English. 

I'm going to have to go to "dating Chinese women" summer camp, that's it.
Does this come with a workbook or something?
Also I've met Chinese women. They're not this particular.

It's highly complimentary to her also when you call her "My Mei Zi",

I can't pronounce "Zi".
It's not like "zee" it's like some noise no human can make.
ZRRRRRRRRERRR.
ZUUUUUURRRRRRRRREEEEERRRRRR.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZI.
That's it I can't date Chinese women.
I can't even swing basic terms of endearment.
But I can school a motherfucker in an RTS so I'm feeling good about Korean women still.

because you're comparing her to the flower's seed firstly and then her sweetness to the "Queen of Flowers" in China. That's the whole symbolism/meaning 'hind our Mei Hua.

You'll need to :

1. Get some Mei Hua petals and some Asian prune Honey (could make the Honey yourself or buy it at some Asian supermarkets). 

I know it probably seems very insulting to question someone about their own culture but I seriously don't believe any of this is actually applied today.
This seems like turn of (last) century shit.
I'm going to cross check this later.

Let's make on today's recipe : the Elixir from Heavens. 

Isn't that the thing Sun Wukong steals in Journey to the West and gets damned to 10,000 years of cleaning the heavenly stables?
I knew this woman was trouble.

1. You may/can use some dried fruits like Chinese prunes, lichees, some mandarins, or Gui Yuans, which are the rarest ever planted in China and very yummy to have or drink in a can.

2. Peel them, get their seeds out and put th' into a glass and crush those into a machine, to extract the juice out of it. Serve it cooled to guests or yourself when feeling mouth-watering.

The Gui Yuans were concubine Yang's favourite in the Tang dynasty's. This caused the Kingdom to fall into Darkness and crumble because when the Tang Emperor learnt she's lik'd them, to keep her happy and all smiling in his Palace, he's gotten her so many on their Lovers' day that he's left none for the' poor at all. What's your feelings and thoughts about this recipe? Wouldn't you like to try this? 

A drink so hardcore it made an entire empire fall into a dark age.
Fucking
what?

I'd like to teach you all or everyone how to use some idiomatical expressions in a Chinese sentence/phrase, and how to court and woo a distinguished Lady in China.

So far your steps to dating a distinguished lady involve way more cooking than I'm comfortable with.

How to ask her out : you should just read her some Shakespearean verses and poetry and then take her out to a tea pleace, English tea is preferred there because it's "in" and fashionable in my Country.

Now I know you're bullshitting. There's no way Shakespeare is part of your dating rituals.
He wasn't alive until the late 1500s and so far all of your dating rituals are circa the Roman Empire.
How about I just quote her something from the 6th edition Warhammer rulebook?
"We are judged in life by the evil we destroy."
"Call no man free until he is dead."
"Such is the price of failure."
"My armor is contempt. My shield is faith. My sword is hate. In the Emperor's name, let none survive."
If that doesn't get a bitch going then she's no bitch of mine.

A way to flirt with or win an English young lad's hand/feelings: "you're my knight in shiny armor or you've a Sailor's soul=you've a brave man or a Lion's heart/soul to me."

Okay I know English people.
I suspected before you were full of shit but I didn't want to say too much because you're (apparently) actually Chinese but now I know you're a bullshitter.
If you said that to an English girl she'd (quite rightly) laugh at you until you stopped being such a pud.
You have the soul of a lion?
Are you trying to pick up a British chick or are you trying to date an anime character/furry?
Thine soul is of gilden nature
let none wrest it from thee
I mean are you fucking kidding?

Here's how to confess your love to an Arabic girl in China: "M'Lady, May I unveil thine Moonlit Crescents, so they might be reflected in my eyes forever..." May = could or let=asking permission in Chinese/Arabic. 

Here's how you actually propose to a girl:
"hey baby wanna get married?"
I'll admit it's less poetic but on the other hand she probably won't laugh at you for the suggestion.
I'm changing the title to this blog. Originally it was "HOLY SHIT BRO" but I'm changing it to "a guide on how to get reck'd"
How to date Asian women:
write her circa-13th century inspired sonnets
how to date a British chick:
write her circa-13th century inspired sonnets
how to date an American chick:
no one knows because they're harpies.
I've never seen a blog less informed about women than mine.
And this one was written by a fucking wahm.
I'm honestly at a loss for words at the moment.

I’ve tasted the Nectar of Aphrodite as some would say…

That'd be honey.
Don't worry people I've come fully equipped for this blog.
I've read literally all of the same bronze age mythology she has.
And while I've distilled the wisdom of the ancients into the world's greatest creed she seems to be struggling with what to call honey.
The trick I find is take all the superstition and use it metaphorically.
You should pay attention to ancient people when they're being pragmatic because when ancient people were pragmatic it meant shit was getting real.
The more real to life your personal philosophy seems the more people will disagree with it and the more hardcore it seems.
So the cooler your own words sound and the more horrified the people around you get the closer to the truth you are.
Basically if you're not bullshitting here's what being a human with thoughts is like.
Oh man.
Made it to the start of this shit.
Man that was really bizarre.
Well I hope we all learned a lot.
About stuff and things.
And shit.
Fuck.

Oh fuck

Did you know marine forces in the Pacific during WWII used the hamerless Winchester Model 1912 because as long as the trigger was depressed it was capable of slamfire? Meaning, all a marine had to do was slide the action and it'd fire, sort of like that show The Rifleman.
Oh yeah, unrelated: blogs.
It's just always amazing to me how creative people are when it comes to violence. Figuring out book bindings? That'd be a 2000 year process, but a rapid fire shotgun? 20 years.
I'm sort of envious, though. Having two of those mounted on the front of my car would come in handy. No one would be cutting me off anymore, no sir.

Some point in 2009:
Hannah: So Who is the Library Day Speaker this year?
Lita: i'm not really sure.
Hannah: I heard it was Vanda Symons?
Lita: I think so, they write books.

Okay, That was like the most epic fail of fail I have ever said last year.

... LOL XD

Now uh, the above speech was so stupid. Not to mention, it happened in the library. So I fail.

Vanda Symons does write books fyi and she is also a really lovely person to meet.

k
It's okay not to have anything to say. You don't need to keep posting. Or keep your already too long post from ending.

Aww -___-


I was talking to some of the junior librarians today (actually now to be presise), sounds like their having a freakin marvelous time.

Oh, what? I went into my image folder looking for something and it's 15 minutes later and I don't remember what I was looking for.
Stop this. Stop this immediately.
What could I have been looking for?
Well you seem to fancy yourself some kind of litfag but you don't know how to spell precise or the difference between "there", "their" and "they're". Probably something to do with that?

Hello LJ,

for the first time in ages, I don't actually feel like posting because I have nothing to say.

OH BOY NOTHING TO SAY! I'M SURE READING THIS! Oh wait, it gets better, too! "I don't actually feel like posting"! Goddamn, this'll be a great read!
How did Milton or Homer open their epics? "whatever don't really feel like writing this. Sing muses, or whatever it is you do. Or don't, whatever."
Somehow I don't think people would give quite as much of a shit as they do if they had opened like that.

Time to watch the Commentary to The Forbidden Kingdom
Oh my gosh! I'm gonna go and have that damn tea! YES? yes.
And...i'm going to...stop being so annoying now.
TEA.......♥
(Top 5 tonight m'dears!)
-Litaxx

Here was my face during this:Move over dog and let me in that pillow fort.

Okay m'dears! Welcome to February!
Not long now until I start Uni, but still quite a long way to that point in time.

Okie dokie, Let's hope that this month I can manage to post EVERY SINGLE DAY!
Am I up for the challenge?
Hell. To. The. Yeah.

So yesterday I was moving my eyes in a weird way to imitate how characters in Mass Effect 2 often look and I heard a weird pop in my head and now my left eye hurts periodically. Should I be concerned? I can still see out of it and everything but-- I don't know. It's worrisome.

MOVING. STRAIGHT. ALONG.
Uhhm, I was going to say something about the title..Oh right yeah, actually coming to think of it, I think I might just pass on that because it could aggrivate...certain people.
I should really shut up.
I just woken up (YES IS 11.40! LEAVE ME ALLOOOONE!)
hm.
Today is going to be a good day, the parent's are leaving the house to go to work and I'm home alone in all it's glory, Yaaay ^-^

Shut up my eye hurts goddamn I think I detached a retina--
it feels better if I cover it up.

So once upon a time there was a guy I liked and I knew I was out of his league.
Anyway, fast forward a few days later, I didn't like him anymore because he was a creep.
The End.

After that, there was another guy I liked.
And for a while we were pretty...cool. Except because I'm screwed up, the more he liked me, the more I pushed him away. Until I realized what I actually had I didn't do it so much. Anyway, long story short - it's pretty much the opposite now, so we hardly keep in contact even though I try but neugh.

Fascinating.
This is probably the first time I've seen in your blog that you've managed a coherent thought through two paragraphs. I know you're big into the "lol I'm so randum xD" phase right now because you think you're "like, totally funneh" or whatever it is you morons think (goddamn I got douche shivers typing that) but don't expect me to read any of it.
In fact I've skipped three straight pages of posts for this exact reason.

Told me to mention him in my journal entry. So, this is his mention, yup. Hello Morgan. Blah blah blah.

Oh speaking of, holy shit I heard the worst song ever today. It's called "Blah Blah Blah" and it's by that banshee, Kesha (not spelling that with a dollar sign, get fucked)
I don't even understand the appeal. She can't sing, she looks like she doesn't shower very often, she's really not particularly attractive (personal hygiene or no). No, I don't get it at all.

Do you get offended if someone repeatedly checks their mobile phone when you're out for lunch or dinner? If so, do you usually say something?

My answer to this is "yes"

Uhhhhh. This is why I have to go so off-topic. You're so impossibly boring I can't even think of anything mean to say about you. That's pretty fucking dire. I've posted every other day (not counting weekends) for over a year and a half and you're the one who exhausted my bile.
Good work (oh and also not counting days I've forgotten).
Now there's a totally hilarious post about Windows 7 and her updating schedule. Apparently she's letting Windows 7 run her life and that's somehow the computer's fault (brotip: there's a big red "turn automatic updating off" button in your control panel).
Well that's it. I think my work here is done.
I have to go write a reflection on Emerson's "Nature" which is problematic because I've done a lot of soul-searching on this monumental text in the long and brilliant literary history of the United States and the only "reflection" I can come to is that I have no reflection on the subject.
(I also haven't read it which isn't proving to be the problem you'd think it would).