Screaming 12 year olds

Apparently it's poor form to shoot people as they're dropping down in that new Call of Duty game. Excuse me I thought we were playing a war game, not a sportsmanship simulator.
Well if he was butthurt the next three sure were when they got hit in the face with a flashbang.
Five kill streak in the first thirty seconds of the game. Awesome.
The rest of the game them proceeded to be pretty mediocre for me so let's just move on to today's blog.

I can't seem to access LJ to post unless I finagle my way through doing the writer's block thing without signing in.

Intuitive. I'd call you an idiot but Livejournal does seem to be scaling back its usability. THINGS ARE TOO EASY TO USE, QUICK MEN, QUICK!

There's not much excitement to post about, though. It seems that we are going to get a snowstorm tonight, and I am lining up for the lame switcher at 0400.

Oh yeah, let me navigate what is admittedly a frustrating and convoluted user interface to post about nothing. Good.

Otherwise, today was a completely wasted day. I felt pretty D&D (dead and drained, as I say, although it is really Business Nomenclature for Design and Development down at head office)

Also Dungeons and Dragons. Just putting it out there.
Here's a post about something. I have no clue what he's talking about. It's just a series of acronyms and buzzwords. I try to ignore these in my own field so this is an immediate skip for me.
Speaking of my field, I kept a list of the acronyms I heard in a thirty second stretch of speech:
EL
ELL
ELC
EC
SC
I AM DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS.
I can translate some of these (to my own horror): EL is English Language, ELL is therefore an English Language Learner, I'm not too sure what ELC or EC is (someone told me but I forgot to pay attention) and an SC is a Sheltered Classroom but I'm not entirely sure what that is, though.
Here's a job interview. Or maybe it's just a regular interview because our boy is a celebrity.

Interviewer: So how would you describe yourself?

Me: That's a tough question. I was pondering it earlier today, in fact. If I were to write about myself, I would indulge my love of adverbs and describe myself as moderately offensive.

Offensive in the sense you're a douche, maybe.

Dickens, I think, would have described me thus: "he was a man with the habit of going about with his hands in his pockets, and who insisted on growing whiskers in spite of their lack of cooperation." Wordsworth may have called me one who murders by dissection, and Johnson, I feel, would has described me as Thomas Gray, that is, "a good design ill-directed."

Good ol' Ben Jonson.
Oh we're talking about Johnson with an h. Who is that?
Probably Samuel Johnson who isn't nearly as cool.

Interviewer: It seems that you think about yourself too much.

You are so right, interviewer. First person I feel I can agree with in a blog.

Me: You mean to say that I'm selfish?

Interviewer: Not exactly. Perhaps I mean that you are preoccupied with yourself, but not concerned with yourself to the exclusion of all others...

Here was the answer they were looking for: "I'm a hard worker and I never give the fuck up, even when surrender would be advisable or even preferable." If you're in the army or some sort of equally killy occupation you can also add: "to the last, kill them all."

Me: ...most of the time.

Interviewer: Go on.

Me: Do I love myself? Yes, I suppose I do, as much as anyone with a strong sense of self-preservation. Am I in love with myself? I think that that is much different. Most people with opinions form them on the basis of conformation to their standard, not the standard to which they aspire. I am not my own gold-standard.

Why is it someone who is comfortable with himself is automatically in love with himself? Can't I just be casually friendly with myself?

Interviewer: So you mean to say that arrogance forms opinion, but claim that self-deprecation in the basis of yours?

It's not arrogance if it's true. Also: it's like I'm reading a competition between two people trying to out-douche themselves. I retract what I said earlier about interviewer, here.

Me: To the first clause, I would say yes. Those with opinions need to believe that they are right. That kind of mentality is healthy.

Can an opinion be right? If it can, is it an opinion?
This is some Zen shit, motherfucker.

I have my own brand of arrogance: I tend to believe that I am right, but my passivity makes me think that I am doing a poor job of being right.

If you're right do you really need to explain yourself?

It is odd to me that the release of Call of Duty: Black Ops was so close to November 11.

... That a holiday or something?
Oh, oh right, Remembrance Day.
Day they signed that armistice to end WWI.
Then later they renamed it to Veterans Day.

I'm not one of those up-in-arms people, (or am I?) but it seems strange that, at this of all times, the marketing for a war game is as aggressive as it has been lately.

Well to be fair the game is pretty fucking rad and if I were a veteran I'd be honored that my occupation is depicted in such a way.
Except for the several graphic torture scenes.
Also the part where your character goes insane for about ten full minutes.
Also the part where you destroy a Vietnamese village.
But otherwise it's awesome, honest.

I saw a backgammon board yesterday and I almost bought it.


I don't know how to play, but I would like to learn.



It seems to me that there is something delightfully, if harmlessly, Imperial about it.

>Imperial
>developed in ancient Egypt
whatever.

I had the misfortune of having to talk to a drunk woman the other night. A drunk stranger, that is, with whom I shared some acquaintances.


"So," she says, in a tone both overbearing and minorly hostile, "what's your story?"

Deciding immediately that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with her, I replied, "well, in terms of Canadiana, I suppose that you could describe me as a glacial erratic."

"You're gonna hafta use smaller words, honey."

You're lucky she let you off with just that. I know people who would have turned violent.
While sober, even.

I was also told once that I was looking "like a Modest Mouse fan."

Translation: you look like you just sucked a couple of dicks.

I received a compliment today.

"You are a counter-cultural guru."

> counterculture
> works for the shipping industry
nothing says "anti culture" than providing bulk goods.
Oh he makes model trains. Here's a picture of one.
Ehhhhhhhhhhhh, I'd expect more weathering on a train but fine I suppose. No real detailing or highlighting but not bad I guess.
Anyway I think that's it for the evening. I got shit I'd rather be doing than listen to this idiot dither on.

GREENSKINS! PURGE THE BEASTS!

Keeping with my theme of title = Warhammer quote today.
Today might be a short entry because this guy seems really boring, and he was the most interesting one I could find after constant surveillance.
Even though I believe this guy to be a man, he's still a cunt.

Should I be nervous? You know, turning twenty-three?

TERRIFIED. BIG TWENTY-THREE, YOU'RE PRACTICALLY OLD!
Quit your job, go to a retirement home, buy sweater vests, take up golf. You're practically dead.
You better qualify this with something because if you seriously think being twenty three means you're old you are the biggest cunt I have ever heard of.

I wanted to be done with school before I turned thirty, but that doesn't look like it's going to pan out.

So I take it you're majoring in medicine or law?

My entire life has somewhat been devoted to the arts. Not in the sense that I can create great art, but more of a wanting to create art.

Oh. So you're devoted in no way beneficial to anyone. Good.
Better throw away what sounds like a hopeful career as a paralegal to pursue something you've thought about maybe getting into. You know, because it'll work out just like the movies.

Even this whole writing thing that has consumed my life for the past few years isn't a guaranteed money maker, but it's the life that I've grown accustomed to.

What I don't even--

Yesterday I walked home from work and ran into George, Danny, and Nikki. We talked for a while--jokes and other fun stuff. We talked serious, too; about work, money, and other things that suck.

Wow sounds really interesting.

Though I was extremely flattered, two things are wrong with the situation: one, I could dig into my Asian American Studies background and say that by her perceiving my "gorgeous" looks to my ethnic background, she is in fact a racist;

Yeah don't take a compliment you putz.

Penny-Arcade Expo was amazing.

PENNY ARCADE. I knew I didn't like you.

Life is like God of War,

Oh so it's like a Spartan captain accepting a quest from Athena to kill Ares?
Yeah it really is a lot like that, come to think of it.

it's all about timing and precision.

Ah. That as well. I don't know what kind of boring fuck life you lead but Athena sends me on quests to kill mythical entities all the time.

fight the minitaur

Minotaur*
Minitaur would be a small bull.
See Minotaur comes from Minotaurus, literally "the Bull of Minos"
... Look up the story of Theseus you illiterate twat.

I saw Sex in the City with my mother before I left Burbank.

Oh, so that makes you gay?

There's a part where Sara Jessica Parker's character wants to restart her life, so she dies her hair brown.

Dyes*

I'm going through a phase where I feel like nothing is worth posting, but I'm going to post anyway.

Most people would say "so I'm not going to post" but nope, not you.

So, the Olympics.

Surprised you spelled that one right, honestly. You seem a little uncomfortable with the Jeopardy category "words with Greek origins".

Dragonball Z: Shin Budokai, the thorn in my side.

You can't beat the AI in a fighting game? Holy shit my mom, who has never played a video game beyond Animal Crossing since the Atari days can kick the shit out of the highest difficulty AI in any fighting game.
Quit video games now you're no good at them.

I can't stand my voice right now. But not my voice, as in my voice that I speak with--which is annoying as it is--, but my style of writing.

Wow that must be really tough for you.
Try writing better. That always helped me.

Eye of Judgment is difficult for me.

I think I have a game more your speed, friend. It's called "Elmo Teaches Counting".

Am I the only one who realized that peeing is really poetic?

I'm going to let you finish this thought before I call you an idiot.

It's like a burst of emotions; all of this pressure is removed and you have this overwhelming feeling of relief.

You're a moron.

So I'm writing this essay about the representation of Asian Americans in film and how they represent racial stereotypes and how we should have positive Asian American role models.

Positive Asian role models in film.
Well off the top of my head, Bruce Lee, Toshiro Mifune, stop there that's all you need. You know I've heard this bullshit rhetoric before and the only examples anyone can ever pull are all from the 30s, which let's face it, unless you're white and a man you were basically maligned.
He'd probably be offended, too, at my suggestion that Bruce Lee and Toshiro Mifune are postive role models. Yeah why would you want to be a total badass who kicks the shit out of everyone?

What is that? Cum Lade? Is that how you spell it?

Laude* Jesus Christ.
You and dead languages, huh?
Somehow you manage to spell "Budokai Tenkaichi" right but you miss "Cum Laude" and "Minotaur"?
Well that's it. That's his entire blog.
I skipped about fifteen boring as fuck entries but I figure no one will fault me on that.

Fuck it

Today is the day before Thanksgiving and people won't shut the fuck up about World of Warcraft. When did that expansion come out? It was last week, right? So why are people still going on about it-- ugh.
But praise be to Allah that there's this blog.
From a Texan, no less.
I fucking hate Texas. If a Texas-shaped meteor hit Texas, ignoring for a moment the fact that the impact would destroy most of the solar system, the world would be better off.
Seriously, name one good thing that came from Texas.
See? You can't do it.
I'd say "give it back to the Mexicans," but to be honest I'm not sure they'd want it back. I know I wouldn't.

When my membership expired at the Bikram Yoga studio in north Austin where I’ve been practicing for the past year, I decided to take advantage of the *newcomer special* at my old studio, located further west.

What is Bikram Yoga?
Just kidding I don't care. To me Yoga is code for "I'm too much of a huge faggot to take Tai Chi." Tai Chi is for men. It may seem like it's for old men (because the kind they teach in America is) but real Tai Chi is basically Kung Fu times a million.
At least that's what the movie "Twin Warriors" starring Jet Li taught me. I'm not really sure if that's true or not but goddamn.

The 90 minute classes at both studios are identical in that we do the same 26 postures and 2 breathing exercises every day.

Imagine that. Yoga is the same no matter where you are.

But I grew to like and trust most of the instructors to the point I even felt comfortable showing them my blog and being open about my job as a stripper, which they totally *get* and have always been really casual about.

I think I have an appropriate reaction to this hold on.
This update suddenly became incredibly awesome.

I’ve also grown to really enjoy the students I see every day, one of them in particular, a 54 year old woman with the body, face, and spirit of a much younger person, really lit up my mornings with her humor and our rapport.

This has to be the most eloquent stripper ever. I cannot believe this shit.
Usually I just read straight through but for the sake of intrigue I'm going to click the "stripper" tag because that's what I want to know about.

They say life isn’t a destination but a journey.

That's very true (not really).

His fiancée just divorced British royalty, so god only knows what my ex's and her combined million$ amount to now, but suffice it to say their *journey* will be first class all the way.

No wonder he didn't want to meet you again. Fuck some stripper in Austin he has money to spend.

Meanwhile I can’t afford a decent gynocologist visit or the mamograms I'm supposed to be getting, not to mention a facial or massage, much less the extensive nip/tucks I’m quite sure his flawless beauty has already had.

What can I say? I roll the dice and usually come up with furry #15, but sometimes I hit the lottery and find the one that writes itself. The reason I reacted to "stripper" is not because hurrr stripper but because I knew from the get go this would be filled with incredibly awesome stories that she probably shouldn't be telling everyone within earshot.

I’ll age as gracefully as possible while hunched over my laptop, typing out my blood, sweat and tears, for years and years to come, while also competing with younger and younger strip club beauties for the privilege of grinding 3 days a week on the laps of various horny strangers, fending off their wandering hands and misbehaved tongues and ridiculous invitations, while Mr. & Mrs. Fabulously Wealthy travel the world in the utmost luxury, dripping in diamonds, dining on caviar, and making love in the most elaborate suites of the finest hotels on the planet.

When I had to come up with a title for my blog it was between "Edie Finds a Corpse" and this paragraph right here. Longest title in history I understand, but still I think it has a certain ring to it. "I'll Age As Gracefully As Possible..." or IAGPWHOLTOMBSTYYCWACWYAYSCBPG3DWLVHSFWHMTRIWMMFWTWULDDDCMLMESFHP for short.

I know I’m full of self-pity here. And that it’s actually part of my journey to get over these bitter feelings… to be forced to suck it up as I watch this painful, heart-wrenching in-flight horror movie of their relationship...

It probably goes without saying, but when someone says "I know I'm..." and then they continue to go on, it doesn't actually validate their bitching. No one wants to hear this shit. "I know I'm full of self-pity here" so why are you posting it? Also this is the third sentence I've caught that I could so easily take out of context that it isn't even worth doing because derp derp.

I’ve spent more time flat on my back lately than I care to remember and since I’m currently, completely, celibate (as opposed to partially?) that’s not nearly as fun as it sounds.

Maybe strippers have a different definition of "celebate" than I but it's either on or its off.

So during my last (3rd) song, a gorgeous, brunette dancer whom I’ve never met, approaches me on stage.

Little known fact but you don't actually need a comma between "gorgeous" and "brunette" because brunette is functioning as a color in this case and you don't need a comma between one adjective and one color word.
Just pointing it out.

“Are those real?!” she asks, beaming with genuine curiosity and not a trace of typical stripper-competitiveness.

This cannot be real.

Later on I complimented her on her choice of stage music (Danzig!). She thanks me then mentions that one of my nipples has popped free of my favorite red bra. I’m pre-menstrual and in the middle of a week of swollen *Special Boob Days* which means they barely fit into any of my bras and are also probably at least part of the reason she was so impressed by them in the first place.

I was looking through my folder of reaction pictures but I'm not really sure what I should be feeling here.
After much thinking on the subject I've decided this face is always appropriate:

I also need an occasional spinal adjustment to ensure I don’t miss any work, not to mention averting the potential tragedy that some sad, lonely, ex-preacher or recent divorcé be denied the extra-special holiday comfort that is my Amazing Bosom… like a warm-hearted TV special, titled, A Miracle on 34 C’s.

I like you, stripper from Texas. You even have your accent marks in the right place.

The metal padlock on my front door has a brand name etched into the outside face plate.

Yeah? What does it say? If it's Defiant or Faultless you might as well not even bother.

look down to slide in my key and every single time misread the word FAULTLESS as FRUITLESS.

Don't even fucking bother. Any idiot with a torsion spring and a pick could be through in five seconds.
”Is there any chance we can meet outside of here so I can watch you masturbate?”
Suddenly my previous comments about kung fu seem more appropriate. Why wouldn't you learn some version of "I can punch you and your head explodes" with this line of work? Meanwhile Wonder Stripper here is taking Yoga thinking it does fuck all for this creep who will bury her under his porch.

“Ya know I think we may live near each other,” he continues.

Holy shit he really will bury you under his porch watch out.

This ain’t my first rodeo. I’ve been around the block enough times to make an entire Cirque du Soleil troupe dizzy.

I was about to say "please work another cliche into this" but I'm not sure the second one is a cliche. I'm not even sure it makes sense-- why would a Cirque du Soleil troupe get dizzy by you-- I don't know.

It’s working its magic as I experience the skin outbreaks that come from the release of 41 years of stored toxins and excess testosterone, not to mention the occasional bursts of repressed anger also known to be stored in one’s liver.

41 year old stripper.
So that's where anger is stored. I thought it was a chemical reaction in the brain but I'm not taking Bikram Yoga.

Or maybe I just related to her, in this strange duality I still sometimes feel about my desire to be of service with my desire to sometimes smack some sense into the world.

What.
A duality is a division of two mutally exclusive or contradictory groups. You could serve by forcing it to make sense. It is, therefore, not a duality at all.

It's magnificent really. Like some profound & esoteric, color-coded, heavenly message from the almighty god of gum... saying what, I do not know. Anyone?

All right, stripper. I said I liked you earlier but now that's starting to wear thin.
Actually I'm starting to get a headache. Something about "profound and esoteric" is starting to grind my shit.
Fuck it. There's your Wednesday update.

Writan

Typical annoying cunt today. Nothing big.

BIG HUGE GIGANORMOUS News that I can't tell you about yet....book related....

Oh you got published. Congrats. That's a difficult feat (he lied).

Cold front coming in. After the cortizone shot, my hip has been about 75% better...all that came crashing down today, lol. Slapped a lidoderm/lidocaine patch on there, so hopefully it will go numb soon. The things one wishes for...

I haven't read the rest of this but I'm already getting used to this type of statement. I imagine she's one of those people who always has some sort of injury (imagined or real) and always over dramatizes it.

Does anyone have experience with a preemie and would you know what this means:
" they closely monitor his degree of oxygen saturation and the possibility of internal hemorrhage in his ventricles" ?

I've heard tell the greatest computer scientists have put their huge nerd brains together and developed something called a search engine, but since Livejournal is apparently your only means to acquire information:
babies who are premature often have underdeveloped lungs, and so they have to monitor the child to make sure her lungs are working properly. The reason they'd be monitoring for a hemorrhage (bleeding) in the ventricle (of the bronchial airways) is because the weight of the child's chest can compress the lungs, which is why they aren't breathing properly, which is why oxygen saturation would be down.
I don't have a premature baby so I guess I'm not qualified to answer this question.

In other news: stopped new medication.

I fucking called it.

Seems one of the 1% FREAK category side effects is hypoaesthesia and facial hypoaesthesia.

... Did you mean hypoesthesia, doctor?

me I lose feeling in my face and arms/hands

Well technically hypoesthesia is the loss of tactile response (reduced feeling of touch) and not actual numbness, but all right you're the doctor.

That's my first medication rule: if it jacks with my mind and thought processes I'm not taking it.

That's funny because that's the exact opposite of my first rule of medication.

If I can't write I won't take it...just not worth it to me.

Yeah people are certainly never better at that when they're obliterated or crazy or anything.

Okay...tonight is writing night. Hoping to get 2 chapters done tonight, but we'll see how it goes.

Oh boy should be quality.

News on Symphony for the Forgotten, and thanks to everyone who has emailed asking about it, the publisher is waiting for the final proof and then it's out...Yay!

Looking this up.

From ancient goddesses and Philistines, Mary Queen of Scots and the French Revolution, to modern country back roads and different worlds….Symphony for the Forgotten, a new horror collection by Angeline Hawkes, takes you on a journey through time and places feared. Fifteen stories of torment and terror await you.

Sounds like bullsh-- I mean the next H.P. Lovecraft.

If the Mayans get proved wrong, hopefully the Republicans can run a strong candidate in 2012. If the Mayans are right, then I guess none of us need worry about politics anymore.

Not even going to repeat myself again. The Mayans didn't predict the apocalypse.
I would think a horror writer would be at least familiar with the difference between a change and the impending end of the world.
It's also worth noting the apocalypse isn't the same as Armageddon. Armageddon comes from this word: מגידו Tel Megiddo, which is a mountain.
There now you can't say you never learned anything from this.

Basically, conclusion is the warranty is running out and things are falling apart as predicted...from here on out, there will be more drugs, surgeries, and, oh, yeah, more drugs. I'm in agony right now...will have to try to do my chapter tomorrow. Scheduled writing tonight is not going to happen.

A good horror writer could probably do something with this but nope not you.

I'm worried my tomaters that we FINALLY are going to...

"Tomaters"? I'm sorry, did you just say "tomaters"?
Tomaters. I just can't get over that.
Did you just get back from the crick where you were doing your wash by any chance?

I dreamed that I was cleaning house and suddenly Cthulhu manifested from under the house.

I wish Cthulhu would eat you. That's what you need. An ancient, unnamed horror eating your mortal shell.

I rebuked Cthulhu in the name of god.

Even in your dreams you suck holy shit that won't work.

My feet are throbbing, my hands are throbbing, I've got 2 ribs on the left side that feel as though someone broke them and they're being turned around, sharp edges out...the back is off the pain scales this morning, and it hurts to move my neck...and the hip and right shoulder are pulsing so loud I can almost hear it...

I bet if I cataloged every small pain I had it would be a list near this long.
Shit anyone's would be. Maybe if you focused on something worthwhile (like becoming a good horror author like you clearly aren't) then maybe you'd feel better.

I'm convinced that people are convinced that Horror is a dirty word....when you break it down from a genre as a whole to subject matter like particular monsters or twilight zone-ish plots suddenly they DO like horror.

... You don't know what horror is at all, do you?
I wouldn't want to overstep my boundaries here because I am contending with a published author (fuck me).

You see I'm a gardener. I nurture and grow lots of things. Some of them more amazing than others. God has blessed me with many talents.

Too bad writing wasn't one of them, oh ho.

I would have had half a dozen of them had God saw fit to allow that.

This is such bizarre logic coming from someone whose recent book is about Sumerian (or some shit) gods. What, did God tell you to do that one, too?

With a spinal fusion and steel rods, I can't push the car...so I tell the kids to get out w/their stuff and go sit under a tree off on the other side of the ditch...because now I'm shaking like a leaf [already feeling bad, the heat and no A/C added to the problem...then of course, I had a heat flash....my feet are bright freaking red...]

Well with that Negative Nancy attitude I guess you couldn't push a car. What did the Little Engine That Could say? "I think I can, I think I can!"
While I would continue with this fascinating tale of being stranded in the middle of civilization I have things I'd rather be doing.

YOU MAY ALREADY BE A WINNER!

I knew this one would be a winner when the second entry was entitled "A Couple More Political Things". Great in the current explosive political climate I'm glad I could turn to your leadership, xomomentofzen.
That's some name you have there, by the way.
Immediately I get a taste of her(?) literary tastes, which, like all people on Livejournal, is refined.

English- Finished Troy and got the due date for our essays pushed back until Monday. Such a nice class.

I loved how they threw Aeneas in at the very end in a holding-the-door-open-for-a-possible-seq

uel sort of way. "Do you know how to use a sword?" xD

Lol xD
I honestly don't see why English teachers feel the need to do this. REMEMBER READING THAT ODYSSEY THAT YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T LIKE AND COULDN'T APPRECIATE? WELL HERE'S A MODERN INTERPRETATION. Great.
I haven't read Troy because if I honestly had the urge to read about the Trojan war and its resulting mythology I'd just read the original because I'm sure the modern rehash is unnecessary.
I'd like to see the Aeneid remake, though. Even the original Aeneid felt like Odyssey fanfiction so I can't imagine what a remake of a fanfiction would be like. I'm sure it'd create a black hole.

I've never had anyone call me a political junkie before. My feet were binding themselves in my shoes, I was so happy. :D

I would say that as an insult but sure whatever.

English- Continued to watch Troy. I love our class so hard because every time we watch a movie it's like I'm in an amateur MST3K episode.

I'm not really sure why I thought Troy was a book. I guess because it was an English class. Silly me.
I liked the Troy movie, though. It was a fun movie.
Also I'm sure it was like an MST3K episode. Since you're such a riot in the first place I'm sure you could pull that off.

"Turn off the lights! I feel like I'm at homecoming." LULZ.

Ha, ha... Guess you had to be there.

I HAVEN'T SQUEED THIS LOUD SINCE I WATCHED M. BUTTERFLY!!!

EEEEEEEEEE!!! THIS IS FUCKING AWSOME!!!

Holy shit that actually hurt my head for a second. I almost heard your annoying voice through the internet.

I don't know why I yelled at her so bad.

Cool Boston accent you have there. Seriously who qualifies "yell" with "bad"?

I'm relieved to see things are looking so good for Obama (AND HOW ABOUT THEM HOUSE AND SENATE RACES, AMIRITE?)

Why are you saying a-- fuck it.

NEED MORE SYNONYMS FOR "FRIENDS" THAT DON'T ALLUDE TO THEM BEING FUCK BUDDIES.

Uhh... Amigos, allies, pals, buddies, BFFs, uhh-- fuck you get a thesaurus.

I am too young to vote this time around, so I have to sit at home and trust other people are being awsome and taking advantage of that opportunity.

I'm just taking advantage of knowing how to spell awesome.

- Watch V for Vendetta because midnight tonight is the fifth of November (HOW SWEET IS THAT?)

Ha, ha yeah just like in the movie.
Seriously what is it with people and celebrating Guy Fawkes day? He was a terrorist, basically. Americans really don't get it (saying that as an American even).

"I was hoping I'd see one of you this morning," he said. Yeah, that's right. Keep associating me with work ethic. ;)

Fuh yeah I'm sure he will.

English- DONUT PARTY. FUCK YES. Too bad it was way too early in morning for donuts and by the time I was done with mine I kind of wanted to throw up.

I guess nothing happens in this English class. No reading or learning the English language.

What an asshole. I mean, that's racist, isn't it?

No, assuming someone speaks a language isn't racist. If you said "ay caramba! Let us eat tacos!" because he looks Spanish then yeah. Otherwise you're being an oversensitive cunt.

I ended up not going trick-or-treating on Friday, not because I felt I was too old or anything, but because I couldn't think of a decent costume that was cheap and couldn't be considered cross-dressing.

You are a walking embarrassment. I would be ashamed to even admit I know you.

Abby brought candy to pass around, or really, throw around. My 100 Grand bar hit me in the back of the head.

Good. Too bad it wasn't fired from a high powered rifle.

I just want a couple of my friends to tell me it's a good issue (even if they lie, I don't care) and if they have criticisms or suggestions I'm open, but the glory fades fast and it's not five minutes before the first issue is crumpled and tossed on the floor by some little kid.
Talking about the school newspaper.

Which is fucking insane. Who gives two shits? When I worked on the school newspaper it was basically a mad scramble to finish my articles in a day so I could have the month off so I could cut out early.

Oh, and who gave me the names out-of-order for the caption on the front page? Nicole. Granted I should have known better and double-checked with someone else, but only because Nicole is such an unreliable source.

Ha, ha, ha awesome. It's Nicole's fault, but I should have known better but it's Nicole's fault I even had to check in the first place. Genius.
I remember the editor in chief (some asshole kid I don't know) tried to jump up my ass for having the name captions out of order. "Hey it's your paper chief I just write the articles," and walked off. You have to learn to take less shit from people.

The worst days in Psychology are the days Mr. Bailey tries to debunk evolution.

What fucking school is this where they try to debunk evolution in psychology and watch movies in English?
Oh wait it could have been mine, son of a bitch.

Spanish- Ok, so our workbooks are pretty outdated. It wouldn't be so bad, but whenever they incorporate celebritities' names no one knows who the fuck they're talking about.

That's the best part of a language class. Everyone knows the last time they made any language resource was 1987, meaning if you're still in high school the materials were made at least two years before you were born.

It didn't matter anyway, I guess, because we all had this assembly about underage drinking. A mother of a boy who had drowned after he passed out drunk talked to us for a solid half hour about how her son died.

I only went to those when they had accompanying pictures. I knew the kid who operated the slideshow so I could ask beforehand.

I know some kids need to hear that stuff, but I was so depressed by that point in the day that I just wanted to go home.

Why wouldn't you? It's not like they keep attendance.

The Iliad, or what we were supposed to read of it. I'm always so disappointed when kids die in stories, especially when they're at the end of a bloodline.

What kid? Hector? Patroclus? Forget it. I'm not having this conversation with myself.

I got a couple compliments today, and one freshman in my Spanish class even walked up to me and, after a pause, said, "I like your hair straight."
I thanked her, but I was really thinking Fuck off. DEAR EVERYONE, STRAIGHTENED OR CURLY, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!

Fine don't take a compliment you ungrateful cunt.
This has to be the most boring thing I've ever read. I can't believe how goddamn boring her life is.

or will I be walking around saying, "WTF, my generation invented 1337 speak, betch"?

Your generation didn't invent it.

Holy shit, I just read someone's comment that in Will & Grace, Grace Adler's wedding music is the theme to Brideshead Revisited! IS THAT WHY IT SOUNDS SO FAMILIAR?

Oh man, did you know my initials are an anagram for HAG? xD

It's like I'm watching someone descend into madness. I can only imagine she's covered in the blood of her victims while she's writing this.

I just got through the first episode, "Et in Arcadia Ego"--And in... Something Something?--and I can't stop squeeing over Charles Ryder/Sebastian Flyte. Seriously. I keep making weird squeaky noises. xD

Oh gag. You are disgusting. Also "Et in Arcadia Ego" means "Even in Arcadia, I Am." Or it could be "I, too, was an Arcadian"goddamn I'm not here to teach you Latin. It's a painting, you uncultured twit. Maybe instead of making annoying noises and making everyone around you miserable you should read a book or do something constructive?
Well I guess that's it. This was a weird entry for me. Her constant hopping from one thought to another with no transitions made this difficult.

Fuck Halloween

Goddamn people shut the fuck up about Halloween. It's a minor holiday at best.
That's why I didn't update Friday. Literally every post was HEY DURR IT'S HALLOWEEN LOL SPOOOOOOOOOOOOKY LOL RANDOM.
So I think today, Sunday, the Halloween fallout has blown by.
How do I know this? Back to typical cunt posts, praise be to LiveJournal.
I knew this was a winner from the title of today's post: Simply Being. She needs people to simply let her be, people.

I slept in this morning on a freshly flipped mattress.

I know this could basically be the mantra of this blog, but who gives a shit? Why are you posting about this shit?

I am half dead as I sit here inhaling an ice coffee before I head to rehearsal. How brutal to schedule anything the day after Halloween.

It's barely a fucking holiday. IT'S TOO BRUTAL TO DO ANYTHING AFTER ST. PATRICK'S DAY. I'd go to class on Christmas because I don't give a shit. Unless your age is in the single digits holidays shouldn't make a huge difference to you.

Even following careful work time behavior (like not drinking), I am still a wreck and slept until the absolute last minute. It still wasn't enough.

Ha, ha, ha work behavior = not drinking holy shit you're an alcoholic.

That's all the time I can spare.

Oh, well thanks for blessing me with your precious free time.

Blessed Samhain to those who believe and a Happy Halloween to those who revel!

Fuck it, as I've been saying.

I have had conversation after conversation with friends wherein the topic of the horrendous energy out in the world has come up.

Err--

Many of my friends are outright avoiding being in public, particularly the creatives. But I find it fascinating that a concept that would generally be sneered upon as some hippy, crystal hugging bit of nonsense is being acknowledged by individuals from very diverse backgrounds. It only indicates to me how palpable and consuming the whole this is across the board.

What?

I dressed up in full vixen battle gear, adorned my cheek with a Swarovski crystal and took a dive into the deep end of the human pool with every intention of having a wonderful time.

What?

It was a complete disaster.

Good.

If I hadn't talked to a very wise girlfriend who discussed eloquently the kind of energy happening in the world and what it meant for human interaction I might have taken it all very hard.

Oh a very convenient excuse. HURR HURR I SUCK AT TALKING BUT THAT'S OKAY IT'S EVIL ENERGY IN THE WORLD.
Good I hope it is evil energy. People are at their best when there's some adversity in their life.

"Oh my god, this is the stupidest conversation I've ever heard and you are the one conducting it!"

Huh.

It's fascinating to watch this script develop while exploring the characters as actors.

Christ. You're not smart enough to write. If you were, you'd be writing. Shut up and let the people writing the script get this shit together.

While I'm not functioning at full speed, I have attempted to make Monday productive. It hasn't been easy. It's been a very strange day full of upsetting news and human ugliness.

What does that mean? Was someone mean to you and now you can't act properly?

I have a feeling it will only get worse as we draw closer to Election Day. I am determined to stay sane through it.

Here's how I do it:
fuck everyone involved.
That's basically it.

I was able to find some feta cheese at an insane price as well as a few other items that sate my hedonistic nature.

I don't know why but this line in particular gave me douche shivers. It really could have been any single word in this monstrosity, but this line in particular clinched it for me.

I'm utterly spent from this latest heatwave that has boiled my brain from within my skull and left me with nothing but vapors.

Kick ass I think a Space Marine Librarian just hit you with the Wrath of the Emperor. I was just thinking how awesome that'd be.

If there is anything I have excelled at in my life it is taking big risks and making huge mistakes in the process.

Sounds like the life of a winner.

Oh lovely. A leaf blower. Who's brilliant idea was it to do that at 8 am on a Saturday morning?

People that actually have to do work, I think. You're a professional actress for fuck's sake. It's not like your job is really trying on the body or mind. Yeah, that's right, I said it. It's an easy job. Get over it.

Some of the plastic surgery happening in Los Angeles is down right criminal. The things women are doing to themselves to be good enough or viewed as desirable is upsetting. I'm not against cosmetic surgery. I can think of five procedures I'd love to have done myself.

I bet all five start with "rhino". Originally I wasn't going to say anything because it seemed too easy, but you do have quite a nose.

We both know full well that in these tempestuous environments people can accomplish the impossible with better odds for success because the status quo has been shattered. There are no rules for what we are going through.

Maybe it's a constant civil war where she lives in California. That's the only reason I can imagine talking like this.

It's still hard work and it requires the discipline to not fall into a pit of despair as the darkness smothers us all while fear whispers tauntingly from every corner.

Oh don't be so dramatic.

It's bittersweet to watch the world burn while we flourish within our creative souls.

Yeah that does suck people are starving or dying or some shit but at least I get to act right guys! I'd say she's a hypocrite or a cunt or something but to be honest I'm not really sure what the fuck she's going on about.

Seeking Attractive Models or Actresses
Date: 2008-10-06, 8:26PM PDT


Any attractive actresses or models out there that want to earn a role in a movie the old fashioned way? An hour of your time on the casting couch and you can get the role and the SAG card. This is a mainstream, hollywood film financed at $5m or maybe you want to be in the $30m one. It's up to you. You pick the genre and I'll give you a part. Email pic. 100% discreet.

Take it this guy sounds legit.
I'm dead tired.
That reminds me of a line from one of the greatest movies ever made. Commando.
Well maybe not one of the greatest, but at least way, way better than this debacle.

In this our contemporary moment in history, every day is a crazy journey into the unimaginable. The hours pass like bolts of lightening containing jolts so swift whiplash is impossible to avoid.

The word you're looking for is lightning, chief. Lightening is to lighten.
Fortunately I know you're just an melodramatic bint so all that shit about living in a time of lightning that causes whiplash is not true at all.

There won't be any prayer to resurrect us from that abyss.

She keeps saying "us". Initially I thought (rather foolishly) that this did mean more than one person, but now I realize she's just a total gash. Holy shit seriously? Referring to yourself as 'we' and 'us'? Are you royalty?

How much more of this will it take before people disconnect from the Matrix, sit up, move past the shock and get it?

Did you even see The Matrix?

The mock jury was being held in the Marriott Hotel. It was a gorgeous place with classical art reworked into contemporary designs.

Yeah that'd be Neoclassical designs, idiot. What, big vocabulary fail you?

I can't discuss the details of the mock jury because of the NDA I signed.

Wow people actually listen to those? Every single time I had a nondisclosure agreement I literally broke it hours (sometimes minutes) after agreeing to it.

I have made oceans of progress with my inner life.

Your inner life?
All right fuck this. I'm getting a headache.

Thanks bud

Today's entry is a typical pussy cunt douchebag FAGGOT.
I used all these words because she specifically listed them as things she hates, and I live to please. How do I know this one is worth typing about? Well, just look at the title. What's the mark of a good title? Well I might suggest humbly that Edie Finds a Corpse is a fantastic title. Something like that will most likely be passed over by me as an unlikely target regardless of its actual content but when I see "I often repeat myself" with a subtitle "and the second time's a lie" well, think of me as a wolf (not in a furfag way don't get excited) and I just picked out the limping, small deer in a pack of huge fucking... Bison.
I don't know this analogy is getting a bit tangential.

I decided a couple months ago that once I told my parents about the whole gay thing, I would have a Coming Out Party!

Any excuse to throw a party, huh?

I told some girls on the rugby team about it, and they were totally supportive and excited.

You're on the rugby team? Your parents already know.

Man, mornings suck balls.

Not that you would know, oh ho.

I am posting twice in one day. That makes me either a badass or a lameass. I pick bad.

Really? That's funny because I picked "lame".

I'm obsessed with "Living Room" by Tegan and Sara lately. Such a good song. If you haven't heard it, you should give it a listen... just once.

Is that a challenge?
I can weather any song.
Wow. Wow.
No, no I can do this brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I MUST ENDURE. That was the longest three minutes of my life, and I listened to Celine Dion cover Shook Me All Night Long.

Dedication is something you can't fake. It is frustrating when new girls join the team and then a month (or a day) later think that they know everything and try to teach other players how to do things... badly. Realize your place.

Ah ha, one of the smartest things I've read on a blog that wasn't mine.

If you have any interest in the LGBT community, I say you should check it out.

I don't. Wishing no offense to any gay people, I couldn't care less.

I've spent the last 15 minutes staring into space and reading other people's journals--mainly people I have never met and have no connection to. It is amazing how easy I am to judge anyone, and not even know a thing about them. From what little I gather about a person, I am able to fabricate their whole being in my mind.

I don't know what you mean.

Last night, ten of the girls from the team went out dancing, which was rediculous.

"Rediculous".
Here's her list of "ten things she could live without".
I find top ten lists the ideal place to judge a person, because nothing shows how shallow they are than their top ten or bottom ten of goddamn near anything.

1. (most) men
2. student loans
3. Cosmopolitan magazine
4. characterization of patriarchy-questioning, unshaven, vegan feminism as a bad thing, or as a necessary "I'm not that kind of feminist" disclaimer
5. men calling each other pussies, douchebags, fags, gay, etc. and not understanding the problem with it
6. bacon
7. those "Marriage is Better" ad campaigns
8. female anti-feminists who buy that male sexism shit
9. women on the prowl for a new man all the time
10. Sarah Palin (see #8)

The most perplexing one, to me, is number 3. What did Cosmopolitan do to you?
Also my intro is explain by number 5. She shouldn't have a problem with me because I understand the problem with it and do it anyway. That's why I tell the jokes, people.

Yesterday, they all participated in a Gonzaga hate-fest, which was fine.

No, you're butthurt. Lay it on me.

But to make fun of our decent basketball team when you school has no sport even close to its level is really ridiculous.

No it isn't. Sports are dumb and I'll make fun of anything I goddamn well please. That's the beauty of living in America-- I think there's a document that guarantees my right to say it. I think it's called... What was it... The Constitution.

Could they even think that everyone within hearing distance might not be a giant Whitworth fan or would that be too much brain power?

Good Christ it's not like they were making fun of your sexual orientation or race or anything actually offensive. Just a goddamn school don't be so pretentious.

Obviously it was just about a silly sport, but they still need to be careful.

But by your own admission it was just a silly sport, so what's the problem?

The things they said were degrading against the university and over-stepped the sports line.

So? I say mean things about basically everything, even my own school.
I like my school, though. It's a fine institution. Still, I make fun of it because it's my nature.

Making fun of a Catholic institute and religion is not cool—not matter what you believe.

No, no matter what you believe, holding anything as sacred is stupid. Why can't I make fun of religion? Why is religion afforded more respect than, say, a political affiliation or any other club or group of people?
Besides, if you, personally, are Catholic and derive some sort of comfort or self worth it shouldn't matter what anyone else says about it, now should it?

Earlier this morning they made fun of men who wear kilts.

Kilts are ridiculous and if you think they're cool you're just as ridiculous. The entire ensemble (with that dumb beanie) is silly and the Irish are silly for still wearing it.
It's 2008, dress accordingly.

Why would you judge people because they wear a skirt?!

Why are you judging me for judging them you stupid bint? Street goes both ways.

What issue is that of yours? Why must you judge every opinion on the planet?

Ever heard the myth of the scorpion and the cow? No?
Well go look it up I'm not here to educate you goddamn.

Only disgusting and uneducated people are so close-minded to make fun of other groups. I really wish I could just tell them where they can stick their goddamn Whitworth College diploma…

Oh you're so educated and so much better than them.

You know what's fucked up?

Ugh. No, what?

That women are so some expected to take their husband's last name, if/when they get married.

... It must be so nice having nothing to worry about.
That wasn't rhetorical, either. I'm saying it is. I know because she worries about irrelevant, stupid shit.
Like me.
Personally I think there should be an official council that decides the hierarchy of last names, and whoever has the lamer last name has to take the better name. Shit, then everyone will eventually end up with the same last name as weaker names are replaced by superior ones. It'd be like Highlander.

And for women to be like "oh, well that's the way it is" is so fucking ridiculous. Enjoy your life of pathetic, man-filled grossness. I'll keep my last name, and my brain entacted.

Good Christ it's just a name. Statistically speaking she'd just be replacing Smith with Brown anyway, so what's the big deal? It's not like there's a law forcing her to do it, or anything.

So many straight people don't even fucking know what it's like to have to make a way for yourself in this world.

Not even sure what that means. Maybe my stupid heterosexual brain can't comprehend her superior homo ways.

Oh! And the library only has, like, two lesbian novels. Fucking stupid and fucking sad. Open up for your fucking eyes, pricks.

Why don't you just read normal books like a normal person? This may sound cold and uncaring (because it is) but maybe you should try fitting in more if you want to, I don't know, fit in. Which seems to be the crux of the issue-- you go on and on about how gay people are discriminated against (which is true I'm not saying it isn't) but then you need your own section at the fucking library? Seems a tad hypocritical, doesn't it?
In all ways that are important you're just as bad as the deeply religious. Not everything has to revolve around your sexuality, for Christ's sake. I've met plenty of gay people and most of them have normal concerns just like any other person, contrary to everything you just described. In fact, save for the fact that they boned their own gender (unlike most other people) they were basically identical in every way to ANYONE ELSE. So get over yourself, would you please?

Middlesex is the story of an intersex coming out, yet so much more. Greek mythology,

Hmm. Shit might be so cash for that last bit.

I've been getting these headaches lately. They're getting worse and more intense. I don't like it.

I know what you mean. I seem to get them every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Think it means something?

I feel like my chest is about to explode, like everything in my heart isn't real and I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.
I can't focus.

My brain is somewhere else, having its own eyes and focusing on something else.

Holy shit, did a man named Kenshiro just punch you? If so, you're already dead.
Well that's it everyone go home.