Let's update once a week

AND ONLY ONCE A WEEK FROM NOW ON. :C
No I've been busy lately with things that somehow aren't the vidya lately and coincidentally on both Monday and Wednesday of this week have been especially trying.
Anyway enough of that: as the Orks in Warhammer say, 'ere we go.
Come to think of it, Orks don't really say that so much as one book about Orks in 1988 was named that.

So for extra credit, my teacher wanted us to memorize the first 25 digits of pi.

Ha, teachers and their useless extra credit memorization assignments.
I'm about to assign my merry bunch a chance at extra credit if they memorize all the prepositions.
The difference is none of them will do it because there's, like, a million of them, man! WHAT MIND COULD POSSIBLY RETAIN THIS MUCH INFORMATION?
I'd be willing to recoup two entire test grades if they do it. That's how confident I am that it'll never happen.

Since I have an insanely good memory I thought I should give if a try. I spend a few minutes all week attempting to commit the digits to memory.

It's 25 fucking numbers. What, are you a goldfish? I could memorize the first 25 digits in an hour.

I was sure I had it down until I went to recite it to my teacher. It was all good until I got to about the 17th digit and my mind went blank. I couldn't remember those last 8 digits no matter what I did. So I didn't get any extra. I really needed it too... :[ And the moment I sat down at my desk I was able to remember everything.

>Insanely good
>can't retain 25 numbers
Maybe I'm the crazy one. Maybe I just assumed people can visualize shit they read and can remember basic information when it's arranged in an easy to remember way, but I guess not.
Since pi is not a rational number and therefore there's no pattern to memorize I'd probably look into mnemonics but that's just me.

Clearly I have a pressure problem. That makes me kinda scared to do my solo at Cabaret. >_<>
MAYBE, I DUNNO. DEFINITELY NOT SOMETHING TO INVESTIGATE.

What was the worst significant purchase you ever made, and why?

Hmmmmm.
Xbox 360 or my last computer, probably. That's what I get for buying prebuilt, I suppose.
BUT NOW I HAVE BUILT A TITAN.

Hmm... Well, I spent $1000 dollars on a keyboard I barely ever play. :P

I can't believe I didn't take that computer back the second I got it out of the box. It failed to boot the first time I turned it on. I had to reformat. Shouldn't that have been an indication of future trouble?
Oh, also it overheated playing FFXI. I know SE can't program worth a goddamn and the game was ridiculously processor intensive for something that old but come the fuck on.
Well I guess it works out regardless because I ended up needing to upgrade to play FFXIV but that game has FALLEN INTO THE FUCKING OCEAN NOW GREAT.

There's been alot of negative energy and occurences in my town lately.

Negative energy--
so speaking of because FFXIV is down for at least one week I decided to give this RIFT game a try.
It's pretty fucking good. I was worried it'd be too much like WoW and I just threw 40 bucks away and admittedly the game play is pretty much a carbon copy of WoW's but the shit around it is way fucking cooler. The sides are more interesting-- the graphics don't look like puke-- the game doesn't treat you like a mentally handicapped child-- yeah, it's all pretty good.

Last week there was a shooting. My best friend and I drove past it and we could feel the hate and terror in the air.

What the fuck are you, a demon of Chaos? You can't really see, so you just read the channels of psychic energy and look for the leak of mortal corruption?

There was something wrong going on that day.

I don't even know what Warhammer quote to use in this situation.

I can tell that this negative energy is only going to get worse. I just hope that it doesn't have any affect on me or anyone I love.

Sounds like cultist activity to me. Stay where you are: a purgation squad has been dispatched.

Compared to yesterday, today has been easy as pie. I was able to finish my essay and turn it in so hopefully I got an A this time.

The only easy day was yesterday.

But you never know. My teacher is kinda crazy. Anyways, speaking of teachers. I'd like to talk about my math teacher. He's a really nice guy, but I hate how he calls on me randomly and expects me to know the answer when he asks it.

Hey idiot: we already know the 5 students who participate know it. Gotta make sure the rest of you miserable lot knows it.

Now everyone thinks I'm stupid because I don't get problems right when I'm under pressure, Its rather unnerving. And it doesn't help that this new kid showed up in the class and I feel a strange connection to him.

Ruh-roh.

I can't really describe it. He's not very attractive and he's such a nerd, yet I really want to get to know him. I'm still trying to figure out why.

Run, friend!
There is no cowardice in a strategic withdrawal!

I had a straight guy and a gay guy fighting over me today! it was so funny. They both wanted me to walk with them.

The part she's not telling you: they each wanted the other guy to take her.

I ended up walking with Keith because I never see him. He told me that his girlfriend got jealous of me because I hugged him today.

But if she's walking with a friend who happens to be a guy and he hugs her then you're clearly overreacting and too possessive.
BROS, LISTEN: DO NOT LOOK TO YOUR OWN HOME AREA FOR WOMEN.
Think of it like this: when looking for a chick do you look right in your own household? Of course not, that'd be creepy.
NO DIFFERENT.

That kinda made me feel powerful and full of awe at the same time. I've never had another girl jealous of me before. I'm not skinny, pretty, or very smart so its really cool to know that someone actually thinks I'm competition.

PETTINESS KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES.

Not that I would ever date a freshman, but still. That thought boosted my self esteem alot. Enough about school.

Yeah enough of that bullshit.

Its mostly because of school and homework. When I'm not working, I'm hanging out with my friends.

When I'm not working I'm preparing for the next day (or playing RIFT but officially just preparing for the next day)
VICTORY IS BUT A PRELUDE TO THE NEXT BATTLE.

Meet my Mom and Dad. They seem like the good, middle class, hardworking Americans. They provide and care for their children.

But they're really crab aliens OH NO.

They have family that supports them and people who love them. This is a misconception. No one really knows what they are like.

Because they're aliens, honest!

Meet me. I'm your average 17 year old girl trying to enjoy her senior year in high school. I play piano, sing well, write novels and get average grades; A's, B's and C's. I don't do drugs, smoke, have sex or do anything that stupid teenagers of this century do.

Sex was invented 11 years ago.
Teenagers in the 90s? No sex.

Yet, my parents act like I'm the most useless human being on the face of the Earth.

Well you are. You're 17.

And this is where people don't believe me. They think that my parents are doing a good job raising me. If only they knew how my parents really are.

Seems like they're doing fine. I mean you are a cunt but what's to be expected?
It's as I've said: common birth, common man.

My Dad just spent the last five minutes yelling at me for eating ice cream. This is because he thinks I'm "fat" because I don't exercise everyday. I'm 5'7" and I weigh 140 pounds.

5'7" and 140-- I mean I'm taller than you and I weigh less but I am skeletal.
You could probably stand to lose a couple pounds, honestly.

My Dad acts like I have all the time in the world to exercise and I should've done it 5 hours ago. I've been working on school projects all night. I did the same last night. My Mom checked my grades online and I had 3 C's and 2 D's. I told her that I brought them up since then but she won't believe me.

If there is one thing I've learned about interacting with teenagers it's that they are all cocksucking liars and are horrible liars to boot.

I've gotten a 100 on every assignment and done every homework paper assigned this week.

Well this should be real easy to sort out. Show me the proof.

And yet I'm still being punished this weekend. They expect me to spend all weekend studying for finals next week. As if I'm going to do that crap.

I thought you were an A/B/C student. Let me tell you: A students study for their fucking finals.
Except I never did but then again I knew by 17 that "anyways" isn't a word.

And when I'm in another room they talk bad about me all the time because I'm not like my sisters and get straight A's and play a sport. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect, but I'm not going to change my lifestyle just to impress them.

I wonder if she even realizes how cliche her life is. Does this really happen? Do you ever deviate from the script a little? Even your deviations are accommodated by the script.

I'm going to be a musician all through and after college. I don't have book smarts. I'm good at music theory and putting beauty into writing music and language.

You will have Gen. Ed. courses-- God help you, you will have Gen. Ed.

They don't even care about my creativity. All they see are those dumb grade letters on the computer. I wish they would accept me for who I am.

I JUST WANNA BE ME.
Wow we have hit the mother load of teenage cliche.

I don't have a reason to write this. I literally have nothing to write about. I'm just really sad right now. I don't understand why. It probably has something to do with whats going to happen in the future.

... Because being from the future I already know what's going to happen.
What?

When I'm suddenly taken aback by an emotion or series of emotions, usually it means something bad is going to happen soon. I'm super weird, I know. But I just felt like typing. Its not like I can do anything else. I'm going to fail at my voice and piano lesson tomorrow because I haven't practiced at all this week.

... So practice?

All I want to do is hang out with my best friend but my parents aren't gonna let me til New Year's Eve. I know its only 2 days but Alex and I have been hanging out every day for the last week and it pains me to have no contact with her for 2 days. And no, I'm not a lesbian.

You never sound gayer than when you're saying "I'm not gay."

I just love my best friend and she needs me right now. She is having so much trouble with boys. It really makes me never want to date again.

I see where this is going. Lesbian hookup, uh-huh.

So my Dad decided that I spend too much time on facebook and since my GPA is only a 2.9, he put a password on my user account and delete facebook from my browser. The only way I can get on is if I sneak on using his computer or use facebook mobile. So now I practically have no way to contact a majority of my friends. And as if my life couldn't get any worse,

>couldn't get worse
>no longer have Facetube
I know you're a dumb cunt 17 year old girl but come on, let's not overreact.

I lost my government book so I haven't done 8 assignments in that class. The only way my dad is going to give my computer back is if my grades go up. Its so stupid because I have to wait til 6 at night or later when he lets me on the computer to do homework and sometimes I can't finish in that short of time.

Just go to a shit school and then you'll never get homework. What's the point in assigning it when it won't get done?

I want to get out of this house so bad but I don't have a job, I'm not pretty enough to get a boyfriend, and I don't have any rich relatives to pay for an apartment I could get.

Too annoying to have a boyfriend, more like.
Also yeah, not pretty enough.
Or smart enough.
You are the complete package.
Weeeell RIFT just went down for a patch so I guess it's time to finish this, but this has gone on long enough-- time to go do something else, then.
Farewell, pussies.

CUNTINESS

I bet all three of you reading this thought "hey, we're up to day six with no mention of that Meanest Mom cunt," well you impatient twat today is your lucky day.
I know I've spoken at large (this is the fifth entry on the subject) but the most recent entry was this one.
I rather enjoy my opening to this post:

Like a dog returning to its vomit, I find myself returning to the subject of THE MEANEST MOM (ALL CAPS POWERS ACTIVATE!)

It's like it's written to compel you to read further or something.
How do I do it?
Well enough of tooting my own horn, let's begin.

This morning I went to the post office to mail a couple last minute gifts. Everything went fine, except for the fact that somehow I managed to get my dad's Christmas gift stuck in the mail bin.

Recurring theme in this blog: she does something stupid and expects the world to fix it for her.
TYPICAL WOMAN AM I RIGHT GUYS?
Wow that was really uncalled for, even by my usual standards.

After waiting in a ridiculously long line, I notified the woman at the front counter of my predicament. She told me that what happened to me "happens all the time" and that someone would "try" to get the package out later that afternoon.

Ha, ha wow you're getting trolled hardcore.

"If another customer doesn't figure out a way to get to it first," she told me with a hysterical laugh.

Wow not only is she not going to do anything she doesn't even give a fuck if your shitty package gets stolen. I'd give this woman a high five.

I have something very special to give away this week!!!!!

It is incredibly awesome and something that every family would love to have in their home for the holiday season.

I'm not going to tell you what it is (surprises are rad),

A gun.

but I will give you two clues:

Oh I love these kind of games. I'm always spot on.

1. It's a gift that keeps on giving. I got it on Friday night, in the middle of Ikea, and still have it!!!!!

A deep dicking.

2. You won't be able to keep it to yourself! This gift is not for the stingy. No matter how hard you try to keep it all to yourself, it will be nearly impossible not to share it with somebody.

Definitely a deep dicking.
Also stop getting on my shit about my spelling, Firefox. Dicking is so a word.

I love a good giveaway and this one is, I'm sure you'll all agree, pretty awesome!!!!

I bet it's a cold, eh heh heh heh I like my suggestion better.

Last week, the family who lives across the street got a dog.

Today, a man came and installed an invisible fence around their yard. The concept is genius: every time the dog crosses the line, it gets a little bit electrocuted.

Radio waves, actually.

This weekend, my husband and I took our older kids on a short cruise to the Bahamas. We specifically left Cameron at home so we could do some fun activities together as a family.

Yeah fuck you Cameron. Too young to remember shit anyway.
I do enjoy the implication that Cameron was left home alone at the ripe old age of 3 or whatever he is now.

I shouldn't have bothered.

All my kids wanted to do the whole time was watch television in their cabin.

Amazingly cruises aren't too interesting to 10 year olds.

"We didn't come here to watch T.V.," I told them. "Let's go check out the buffet or something."

Lesson of the day: staying home saves money and all the fun activities are already there.

My husband ticked off the options on his fingers. "How about ping pong?" he asked. "Or shuffleboard or basketball? At 3 o'clock, we can learn how to fold towels into the shape of animals."

I came 2000 miles to play basketball?
Dad, have you ever heard of a playground?
Or, no, my mistake: shuffleboard. What year is this? How old are you people?

On Saturday night, I went to the grocery store. Before I left the house, I asked if anyone wanted to go with me.

No. No one wants to be near you. Away with ye.

My husband and Cortlen ignored me (they were watching a football game). Camber came into the room with a brush, a bottle of hair spray, and two packages of glittery hair clips.

"I would go, but I have things to do," she explained

I understand. I, too, am often busy.

I didn't really want to take Kellen because he looked like a homeless person, but by the time I found my keys, he was already in the car.

The drive to the grocery store took exactly three minutes...plenty of time, I learned, to have a conversation about just everything in the entire planet.

Or everything worth talking about, anyway.
Also I like how she doesn't want to take the one kid because he looks homeless but isn't that kind of the responsibility of the parents to, I dunno, raise their kids or something? Is this kid living in such Spartan conditions that he can look homeless?

Kellen: "Do you know what? I wouldn't go walking in the woods right now. You wouldn't be able to see a panther because it's so dark. Isn't that crazy?"

Yes, the wild panthers of Florida.

Me: "Why are we talking about panthers?"

Panthers are fucking rad is why. The kid's right. They blend into the night, then they melt out of the shadows and maul you to death. A day in the life of an average panther is 100 times more awesome than your entire existence, woman.

Kellen: "Do you know what? If a rabid dog bites you, you have to get three shots in your arm that are as thick as peanut butter. Did you know that?"

And back in the day it was 20 shots in the gut. Be glad you were born when you were.

The scene: an overpriced department store

The purpose for our visit: to purchase a $100 group gift card for a relative who just had a baby

Ah fuck I just got disconnected from my game in the middle of splitting a wind crystal. Well there's 1 crystal down the drain.
And now it thinks I'm still logged in. Oh, right. What are you taking about that's of no significance?

After paying for the item, I put the card in my purse. My kids were quiet until we got outside. And then they let me have it.

"You paid $100 for that?" Camber screeched. "That's a total rip-off!"

Oh Christ who even cares?

Camber spends her money the instant that she gets it, usually on things that I abhor.

"It would be great if you didn't buy that tub full of tiny beads," I told her as she plopped the object into my shopping cart this afternoon.

This is where guidance and parenting come in I understand.
Or you could not crush the life out of your children, I dunno.
It really is your fault for having so many.

One of my greatest joys in life is picking up thousands of microscope beads off the floor...one by one.

Oh what's it like living in the fucking stone age? I was about to say "you know a vacuum would expedite the process" but come to think of it so would a fucking broom and dust pan.

"Christmas is coming soon," I begged. "Maybe Santa will get it for you."

Yeah nice try your kids are like 10. Way too old to fall for shit like that.

My kids aren't the smartest kids in the universe, but they have enough brain cells to know that the Santa that comes to their house doesn't love them as much as the Santa that comes to their friends' houses.

WHY WOULD YOU HAVE CHILDREN IF THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK OF THEM?
What, there weren't enough people in the world to experience your cuntiness you had to produce four of your own to show?
And it really took you a long time to realize that maybe you shouldn't have had any at all. I understand two are twins (which is knowing more about your life than any stranger should know) but even then that means you gave this pregnancy and childbearing, not to mention raising thing four goes.

"Santa would never buy me something like that because hates us," my daughter told me. "All he buys me are books and toys without batteries."

WELL PSYCHE OUT MOTHERFUCKERS THIS YEAR WE'RE GETTING A PS-TRIPLE.

Since ascending into adulthood, I have been a member of 17 book clubs. Or so it feels.

Ascending.
The Temple of the Emperor Ascendant is all I can think of for some reason.
That's where Reclusiarch Grimaldus had his last stand at Hellsreach, wasn't it?
Oh thanks for letting me back into FFXIV, SE. Only took you 13 fucking minutes.
All right bitch, back to your alembic. We got wind shards to make.

Unlike most other social events, I find book clubs to be thoroughly enjoyable. On all but two occasions, I have read the assigned book and then neglected to show up for the meeting to discuss it.

I would be the worst at book clubs. I'd just tell the entire club what we should read, call their selections stupid and then do what I wanted anyway.

"You don't like book clubs," my husband corrected. "You like reading lists."

Last week, I joined my eighteenth book club. The first meeting was in a conference room at the public library. The book club leader began the meeting by asking each of us to make a list of things that we like to read about.

I want to read Hellsreach again. The best Warhammer book ever.
Actually Legion is better by a slim margin.

I didn't know what to write first, so I put down "infectious diseases."

I have to give credit where credit is due: that sounds like something I would suggest.

"Like the Swine Flu?" the woman asked when she got to my paper.

"And HIV and Cholera and the Black Death," I added.

Fuck yeah.

All of the other lists in the room included mythical creatures.

HURRR TWILIGHT.
Let's read The Faerie Queene instead. MOTHERFUCKIN' SAINT GEORGE KILLS THE FUCK OUT OF A DRAGON.
Then lands some sweet Elven pussy, man that guy was a baller.
Yeah it sounds like the gayest thing ever written. The Fairy Queen, really?
But it's just hiding the most awesome thing ever written, practically.
It's like that movie Troy. It stars Brad Pitt as Achilles and you think "wow, Brad Pitt as a Greek. This is going to be homoerotic" and the first thing I see when I turn it on is Achilles throwing a spear through a guy's shield and through his fucking head.
Awesome.

All this week, my kids have been making drafts of Christmas lists. On Sunday, the final lists are due. Today we held a peer review.

Uh-huh. Why?
I can't even get 9th graders to do this activity correctly. How are you going to get 10 year olds to do it?

When Cortlen saw who was going to review his list, he started to cry. Camber cackled and rubbed her hands together in anticipation and excitement.

Just some good ol'-fashioned sadism I guess.

"Now I want you to circle three things on the list that you think the author would like the most," I told them.

I had no idea where this exercise was going or what purpose it served,

Oh. I was kind of joking about the sadism thing but I can't say I'm surprised.

Kellen was a good listener and circled everything on the list in front of him.

Camber wrote the word "butt" on Cortlen's list and had to be excused from the table.

Cortlen was so upset by what his sister did that he stabbed her paper with his pencil and had to be excused from the table as well.

Santa watched the whole spectacle through his magic telescope as he whispered "Merry Christmas" in my ear.

Well to be fair you kind of brought this on yourself.
Why would you even do something like this? I can't even begin to get the vague impression of the point of this activity outside of--
oh good, check it out:

Surplus EXP now.
Whatever, I'm leveling through that. Too close to the cap anyway to care about such nonsense.
I didn't even know you could get fatigue on EXP. Did I just discover this?
Oh right, you.
Uhhh--
In conclusion, you're a cunt.