OH MY GAH

Today's blog is entitled "I Am A Person......" (five periods [three make an ellipsis, brotip]) and I think we're dealing with a cunt. I haven't read any of this yet, but it has to be. I'm going in blind because I am so firm in my faith that this is a cunt that I don't even need to prescreen this to ensure it's A+ material.
Seriously, "I Am A Person"? Why? What kind of redundant nonsense is that? No, I was expecting a sentient dog to be writing this.
The first post is entitled something really long that ends with "a casual theory by a casual amateur (no comma between adjectives -1 for grammar, -4 additionally for it being the title) scholar". This is quite obviously literary theory because only litfags and commoners can get away with using the term "theory" so loosely.

Jumping into the sea of ancient literature, I can't help but notice how badly poorly women were treated.

Oh hi just thought I'd upgrade your grammar. Also I'd probably take off the first part (before the comma) because it's fairly redundant but whatever it's your essay go ahead. Also ancient peoples weren't exactly known for their progressive thinking on women or slavery or pretty much any human rights issue so don't take it personally.

Women were often given as prizes along with other spoils of war. If they had extra-marital affairs, they were branded as whores, and sometimes even executed.

Not necessarily. In Sparta for instance both women and men were encouraged to have children outside of marriage and child raising was seen as a job for the society as a whole to foster camaraderie.
Also in China women could successfully obtain divorces from their husbands during some dynasties.
Might want to be careful with sweeping generalizations like that.
Good grief this is both boring AND stupid.

I went over my list of goals again today. The one I made about....3 years ago?

I've actually done more than half of them. It surprised me.

Ha, ha goals. Let's see.

1. Read The Most Important Books That Have Influenced The World.

Jesus stop with this font. This is ruining EVERYTHING in my post. Also I bet you only made it as far as Gilgamesh before quitting. Quitter.

I've read the first two on the list so far: The Epic of Gilgamesh, and The Egyptian Book of the Dead.

Oh you made it two in. Double, in fact, the length I expected. Congrats.

I re-started reading the Illiad last night.

Well hope that works out for you. Also it's only one "l". The Iliad.

I had the WORST. TAROT. READING. EVER. yesterday.

Well good thing it's superstitious nonsense.

If tarot cards are accurate, I'm going to have one hell of a Summer.

They're not. End of discussion.

It's my birthday.

So far, it's been sucking, because I can't fucking get to sleep. Yes, I'm still scared, but it's not the only thing keeping me awake. I'm sick of sleeping on my brother's cheap futon. It's been two weeks, and it's getting old. Whenever I try to sleep, I get this panicked, trapped feeling, and I start getting restless.

Time to put on my Sigmund Freud glasses.

I even woke my boyfriend up once. He's sleeping on the floor, and it drives me crazy. I struck at a time when he was half-awake. I gently put my arms around him, just for a second, and he woke up, and I scared the bejesus out of him. I didn't want to freak him out, I just wanted a few seconds to not be alone in this insomniac hell.

Great disturb the people who can actually sleep. I know something that'll help you sleep: read one of your own posts.
So longer post slightly less long: princess can't sleep because she wants a blanket. Solution: get a blanket.
Wow this was difficult.

As much as I love my brother, I could never live with him. We just aren't compatible in that way.

In what way is that? The creepy, incestuous way?
Now here's a quiz result that's calling her wise, which is funny because I was thinking the exact opposite. Remember, true wisdom comes not from understanding others, but understanding yourself. I read that on a fortune cookie once I think.

I come close to doing these things, but then I don't. It's because I remember things.

YOU KNOW THINGS AND SHIT MAN? IT'S, LIKE, DEEP OR SOMETHING!

I'm still weak. Because I'm so angry, because I'm opinionated, people think I'm strong. They think I don't take any crap from people.

They have obviously never read your blog before, to think you're strong.

They marked me as a rival and used me as some type of ego benchmark, like,"At least I beat Tracy at this, at least I can do this thing that Tracy can't do."

Sleep with her boyfriend. That'll get her goat.
Or, even better, sleep with her father. That's something she can never do.
Yes, collapse her parents' lives. I am a genius.

They also copied me. Things I would say, opinions, feelings, pop culture obsessions.

Cool that means you're the leader.

No matter how many times I'd repeat the mantra,"Imitation is the highest form of flattery." it didn't take away the fact that they stole opportunities away from me, turned friends away from me, and orchestrated things in such a way that I wouldn't be able to make it to certain social functions.

So be harder to copy. Just get into something they can't possibly follow you on. The problem is you're so damn boring any good idea you have is so bland it could easily fit in with anyone. Also what's your original idea? I read your list, it was shit like "start a band" and "write a book!" Yeah no one has ever done these things before. Not... Every high school kid ever.

I'm bad at dealing with subtle insults.

Well if you slept with all their boyfriends like I was advocating you'd immediately have a leg up on any insult ever, no matter how much of a sick burn it is.
"Your cunt smells rotten."
"yeah well your boyfriend disagrees."
OH SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP.
High five you miserable whore!
Oh, by the way, you can't win with me. You're always something bad to me.

The rudeness that people direct to you that you can't quite put your finger on. I'm a straight-forward person. After a few toothy remarks, I start yelling. Then they pull the whole,"Ohhh, why are you so mean to MEEE!? What have I done? People always hate me...." It's like, no shit people hate you. You're so god damn rude and drippy.

... So say that? "Everyone hates you. You will miss everything cool in life and die angry."

Moral of the story: don't hang around people who purposefully make you feel like crap.

Only took you 21 years. I'm proud.

HOLY SHIT I LOVED IT! IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME, OMG, EMBALMING FLUID IN THE MOUTH? ARE THEY TAKING INSPIRATION FROM MY DREAMS?

Yes, Sam Raimi, who directed The Evil Dead, Army of Darkness and Darkman needed protips for how to make a creepy movie from your dreams. Putz.

There was this TOTAL dudely bro at the theater.

Did you highfive him?

Ok, this is disgusting and creepy, so don't read it if you....are delicate or something.

Well if you can handle it I'm sure I can, Mrs. "I need the lights on after seeing a horror movie".

My brother got crabs from something, probably a public restroom. I might have it too,

... Oh my no. I was being, to use a popular 19th century term, "flippant" when I called you out on incest, but apparently I was being rightly accurate.

so I used chemical shampoo for pubic lice just in case. We're detoxing his apartment as well. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

So Tracy (that's her name by the way hi Tracy) has crotch critters, but that's not half as serious as incest with her brother. Double gross.

Your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?

"I'M PREGNANT WITH MY BROTHER'S SPAWN! ALSO IN BEFORE A GOD PUNISHES ME LIKE I'M IN OVID'S METAMORPHOSES!" Myrrha turned into a Myrrh tree for having an incest baby with her own father, Tracy can turn into... Err...

NOOOOOOOOO! Time to get an abortion...

An abortion because if she let it gestate it'd have flippers. That's the unspoken part, I know it.

Can you do the Crank Dat dance?
I don't understand a single word you just said.

AREN'T YOU LUCKY. (type "Soulja Boy" into Youtube).
Well for two entries in a row I have enjoyed this. Usually it's kind of boring but Tracy and Ralph or whatever were interesting people. Not people I'd like to know, mind, but they were certainly characters. Ralph for being a barely closeted homosexual and Tracy for having an incestuous relationship with her brother.

HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG

HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG
First thing I have to address is your blog's title: Faerie Glamour (possibly sic, you better not be from America with that spelling). What's that under it? Oh my, Japaneeeeeeeeeese! You're sooooooooooooo smar-- let's talk about this.

〜月の光は愛のメッセージ〜

"Tsuki no hikari wa ai no messeji"
tsuki is the moon, no is a particle denoting owner ship, ownership of light in this case ("moon's light" although there is a perfectly good word: 月明 getsumei, moonlight) but whatever this is poetic nonsense I'll roll with moon's light. "Wa" is perhaps the most elementary particle and it denotes one of the fundamental building blocks of any language, and being one of the basics it's also one of the more difficult concepts to grasp. Wa, in this case, is functioning as the subject. Moon's light... Does something. "Ai no messeji' is literally "love's message" but there's no verb here. All she's saying is "moon's light love's message". I'm not even sure you could in good faith put a comma between "light" and "love's" because in English that suggests a relationship not mentioned in the original.
But whatever. I'm not honestly sure how you'd combine these thoughts in a poetic manner because I'm not a cunt and try to avoid English poetry wherever possible, so you can goddamn well believe I don't read Japanese poetry.
The first post is "the validity of internet fortunes?" which anyone who has their head somewhere on their shoulders and not up their own ass can answer "none" but this is a blog writer I'm talking about here, so of course it's not that simple:

WHAT. SERIOUSLY now.

Because I couldn't make up my mind based on facts or even my own friggin feelings, I've been trying to get aid from my tarot cards, horoscope, and the i-ching thing on ifate.com.

Oh no.

i-ching kept telling me every single time not to make a move, just to stay where I am and wait out all the bad stuff. Then I thought, you know, that's what Eastern philosophy is like, that's what Ayn Rand hated about it so much.

Oh no.

It's never going to tell me to stand up for myself or up and leave a situation, or anything.

So, I decided to ignore all those fortunes it gave me, and now I have finally decided to move back to my parents' house. Actually, I asked it WHY DO I HAVE TO FREAKING STAY HERE SO BAD, and it hinted back that I need to wait until someone moves out or leaves.

This reminds me of the one (and only) comic book I've read in my adult life: Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth. She's like Two-Face, who is so paralyzed by fate that he can't even make simple decisions like "should I go to the bathroom?" without first consulting his Tarot cards, which are of course not build to answer freakishly specific questions like that. In fact, the Tarot cards can't actually tell your fortune.
Incidentally in that story Two-Face upgraded from his coin to Tarot because they're more symbolic and shit.

Today, I got a fortune that said to pay attention to the small things in life, and suggested that I have missed a small detail that the future could suffer from. It had some changing lines, and my future fortune is "stillness" or staying put when everything else is moving. As if to say, NO, SERIOUSLY, DON'T MOVE OUT YET.

I don't know what to do, I mean, it's not even like they're some blessed i-ching coins passed on down the centuries and proven to work--IT'S THE FREAKING INTERNET. Just, these fortunes were always so close to truth when I first started doing them. *sigh*

Or how about this: "I'm not going to be a douche and worry about the future, I'm going to take action now and take fate as it comes." Remember: your fate is to die, and you will never avoid this, so you might as well do some shit now because it's coming. Somehow, one day.

If I'm unable to recover the files off of it, not only will that royally suck, but I'm totally going to get yelled at for it, because everyone assumed I knew how to burn discs on the Mac and that I was backing them up every month. Or that I even knew I was supposed to do that.

That really is their fault. I'm not even joking. They hired you to do a job then just assumed you'd do it correctly? I know when I have group work in class I never assume anything will go right and 99% of the time I'm not surprised. If you want something done right, do it yourself.

At random, I decided to look up the compatibility between Taurus and Sagittarius. I've always thought this was pretty silly, even though I do believe in sun signs in general O_o

Doesn't it take the sun thousands of years to move from one sign to another? Assuming this does have a bearing on life (it doesn't) wouldn't the changes be infinitesimally small?

Of course, some of them said some TOTALLY UNTRUE things, like "Sagittarius is always on the move and likes to take risks, but Taurus prefers to plan ahead and enjoys the security of the home" LLLLOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL. The opposite I'd say.

Ha, ha yeah that horoscope system devised by people in the Bronze Age sure is not right a lot of the time!

On the other hand! Once they took away the basic Sag/Taurus stereotypes, and focused on the elements that rule each sign (Fixed Earth vs. Mutable Fire), suddenly things made so much sense! The gist of them was,

Wow, this is boring as fuck.

I just love strawberries!!??!!111!!LULZ!!!1 AND WHAT IS MORE LOLI THAN A STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL, SRSLY.

I can't believe I just read all of that sentence and didn't suffer a stroke.

Did you know that even Japanese websites link to my Gothloli blog?

They're probably very similar to my blog in feel. "Wow look at this idiot, let me waste my life by writing a bunch of mean things about her no one will ever read. :3"

Oops...that was my first reaction, lulz.

lulz xD die.

AO NO SOUKUTSU.

Isn't that what that says??

OH IF ONLY THERE WAS A WEBSITE, AN ONLINE DICTIONARY WHERE I COULD ENTER WORDS OR EVEN COMBINATIONS OF WORDS TO SEE THEIR MEANING IN ENGLISH--

(Again, just pop me a message if you want to be on my dreams filter~)

Are you shitting me? You seriously offer a service wherein you message people your dreams... AND PEOPLE SUBSCRIBE?

At least I don't think I'll ever see her type in LOLspeak. lulz.

No that's it. I'm done.
Incidentally, the idiot from last update responded:

yea yea typing is not my strong suit. i type fast but not so great

Okay. As long as you have a good reason to type like an idiot.

This is probably a bad idea

Going to try Warhammer painting and updating, since FFXI playing and updating worked so brilliantly last time.
Also just a warning: if you want to follow this cunt about, you will have to click two (yes two) links. Apparently she posted in a group blog that I don't really give a shit about outside of her post, and then she has her own personal blog. First, here.
Post entitled "I hate you, Borders."

I did not try to purchase Corambis from Barnes and Noble even though it was available there earlier, because I have NO MONEY (I had a baby. Babies are expensive. WHO KNEW?) but I do have Borders Gift Cards.

I don't see how it's Borders' problem that you had a baby, so I'm not sure what's your deal with the whole "BABIES COST MONEY YOU FUCKS GIVE ME FREE SHIT!"
I don't know what to say here, maybe WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE IN A MORE FINANCIALLY STABLE SITUATION TO HAVE CHILDREN?
Virtually no Borders in my area has the book in stock.
Well I feel very sympathetic towards your sit-- oh wait, what's this?

I tried calling around on Monday to ask different stores if they WOULD have the book in stock, but apparently I spoke to idiots at each store. Hold up. I'm usually kind to people who work crap jobs like this.

Usually doesn't cut it. I'm usually polite-- well you weren't this time, and that doesn't make the idiot working that shit job's life any easier, so get off it, cunt.

But NONE of them were able to locate the book OR Sarah Monette, in their systems.

I have to be honest. I'm a fairly well-read person and I haven't even heard of this woman or her series until just now. I know when I go to Gamestop, say, looking for an obscure game I try to explain what it is, the full title, and how to spell it because I know most people, even people who like video games, aren't familiar with Shin Megami Tensei, let alone how to spell it.

Even the people who recognized her name. Durr? She's written SEVERAL books?

Oh well fuck me, several books in a book store with TENS OF THOUSANDS OF THEM.

How can you not find her? ARE YOU EVEN LOOKING? Idiots.

If she's not in the system it's safe to assume her books aren't in the store. I know I often question the organizational methods of Borders and like stores, but I'm sure they wouldn't just lose track of merchandise. That'd be, I think, bad for business.

It's frustrating that this book isn't carried in more locations. How are people going to buy it if it's not available for sale?

THIS WOMAN IS A NOBODY. MOST BORDERS I'VE BEEN TOO DON'T BOTHER TO STOCK THE ILIAD AND THE ODYSSEY, AND IF HOMER ISN'T THERE IT'S SAFE TO ASSUME MOST PEOPLE AREN'T. Okay so on to her main blog.

Sometimes he can only sleep when I’m curled up on the couch holding him with his ear against my chest so he can hear my heartbeat.

You know they make machines that emulate a heartbeat, don't you?
Personally I can't stand hearomg a heartbeat. It freaks me out and makes me start thinking my heart is stopping.
Yeah that's one of my neurosis.

Which is nice, as OMGTHEBABY recently decided that sleep is for CHUMPS and he’s only going to sleep for two hour stretches at a time, interrupted by feeding sessions that last for half an hour.

Brostorm.

I keep forgetting to eat. Yesterday? I hate a half cup of jello, a glass of grape juice, and a half cup of cottage cheese. That’s all I had until dinner, when I ate like a normal person with Nesko (spinach lasagna, hot bread, and a lemon square).

>I keep forgetting to eat
>I hate[...] (sic, ate)
Wouldn't forgetting to eat mean, you know, not eating anything?

That’s not really enough to survive on, you know?

I beg to differ. Contrary to what most decadent, privileged Americans think, you really don't need to eat all that much.

So I don’t feel hungry most of the time

NOT HUNGRY = DON'T EAT. THIS SHOULD BE INSTINCTIVE.

Nikola wakes up and decides he is hungry also and I tend to him and sometimes forget that I was about to eat something OR feel hungry and head-achey.

You named your child Nikola? What's wrong with Nicholas, huh?
Nikola sounds like an off-brand Pepsi.

Nesko and I went to Church yesterday, at the Serbian Orthodox Church he goes to for Easter and Christmas and no other time.

Nesko. Hmm.

Part of the service was intensely and incredibly familiar, even though it was in a different language.

That language would be-- uhh--
I don't suppose Serbian is a language?

I don’t know if I’m going to blog about it because there’s a very good chance I’ll sound like a jerk or something. I tend to be flippant, and it’s really easy for flippancy about religious worship to be taken the wrong way.

Who gives a fuck?

So I was very clueless as to what was going on (most of the service was in Serbian as well; there’s normally an English service at 9:30, this was Serbian with a little English mixed in) and that always bothers me.

Prior to this she mentions that she's used to the Catholic tradition (I omitted this part because it was too boring), which is funny because that's supposed to be in Latin.

It’s kind of weird how not involved in his religion he is. Growing up, I went to Mass every single Sunday, First Friday in grade school, Holy Day of Obligation, etc.

I've never set foot in any holy place of any religion and I turned out perfectly fine. What use is it?
Now there's a post so incredibly long and boring I find myself treating it like school reading and just kind of glancing over the length of the paragraph (not the actual contents of it) and considering it read.

I’ve been drawing with pencil and pen since we moved and never got around to unpacking my tablet.

I found it today after about an hour’s searching, but now I can’t find the stylus.

OH LOOK AT THE MASTER ARTIST. CAN'T USE THE MEDIUM THAT MAN HAS USED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS TO EXPRESS HERSELF. NEED THE AWESOME POWER OF THE INTERNET TO MUSTER THAT FOR YOU, HUH?

It is, in fact, the Wednesday after Fat Tuesday which makes it a stupid fast day because I was born during Lent and ARGH I’m tired of fast days on my birthday. :(

... So eat. Seriously nothing bad will happen to you. When you die it's nothing for all eternity (perhaps coupled with the feeling of falling backwards).

Because other people’s dreams are totally interesting, right?

Wrong. Next post.

My friend says of them “I hate them. I hate them so much. I’ve always hated them, since I met them. Before I knew her, I hated them. They are foul.”

While you are a cunt, your friend sounds awesome.

What is your first reaction when someone says "I need to talk to you"?

"THAT AIN'T MY BABY!" Regardless of context or severity of what's about to follow.
Wow this does go on. That's it. The end.

This is a good idea

I'm going to try fishing in FFXI while updating my blog at the same time.
NOTHING CAN GO WRONG.
Shemovesalong91 you are a douche.

i didnt go out friday night because everyone was busy and i was REALLY tired so i didnt exert any extra effort to get plans. Saturday night i spent with the family, oh joy.
and then yesterday was like pseudo-easter and i got my blackberry early<33333
and its a godsendddd, i was dying with that walmart phone.

Awww she was dying with her Wal-Mart phone, poor dear :(

i still miss my old phone but the curve is beautiful. its really hard to figure out but im technologically stupid so i'll give myself some time before i master it.

Oh if only technology came with books to help you master them.

I have nothing of worth to say because my life's been almost out of my hands lately because its just happening with nothing of purpose occurring.

And yet you go on for several more sentences. I'd read this but by your own admission IT'S BORING. WHEN YOUR OWN LIFE IS BORING TO YOU YOU'VE FUCKED UP.

so today sucked. it rained, i lost my phone, and stained my jacket. bad luck comes in threes. typical.
when i got home, i finished the Da Vinci Code, which was really good. Then i napped.

Oh boy how riveting.
Seriously are you trying to be this much of a fucking bore? It's working.

so today was pretty uneventful for the most part.

I'm sensing a trend.

they already know my current issues but its really been bothering me lately. i hate mind games, i hate conversations that SHOULD NOT be had because they are innapropriate, and i hate not knowing what to do.

You sound like a stupid, pretentious cunt.
I know your type. The type that roll their eyes at anything anyone says, but then demands attention for any stupid thought that enters your head.
Everyone hates you.

i like being in a good mood all the time

Holy shit what a waste of a sentence. Yes, everyone else just fucking looooooooooves to be in a bad mood.

as for after school, i went to the mall with mike. i bought a sweater, two shirts, and a bag.

I find myself staring off into the middle distance while reading this. Also every sentence of hers sounds like an exercise in a foreign language class. You know, when you don't really know how to express yourself because you don't know many words? So every sentence becomes "as for today, I bought (a) sweater. I bought shoes. I bought a bag." That's her entire existence.

we had an awkward discussion that should have made me squirm more than it did but basically, i've just decided we're really fucked up best friends. anywayssssss,

Christ all mighty this is tedious AND stupid.

today was a virtual waste of a dayy.

No fucking kidding?

after aids, i went to taco bell with the mock trial team. we stayed for two hours and it was sooooooo funny. i basically know all of their lives and its great. ugh, i cant even take how nerdy it is but i love them all.

I like how any interesting detail (something being funny in this case) is immediately glossed over, thereby guaranteeing all of her entries will be about how her life is sooooooooooooooooo booooooooooooooring :(
Also when she says "after aids" I hope she means she contracted AIDS.

ahhhh, well i'm currently watching Au Pair 3 because i used to laloveee those moviess. it's pretty gay so far, not going to lie, but its mindless and i like ittttttttttttttttttt.

I wonder if she talks this way in real life.
I bet she does.

Well, while i was in italy, he had a like a "mini" heartattack, which is probably grammatically and socially incorrect.

YOU KNEW IT WAS GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT AND YET DID NOTHING TO CORRECT IT.
Here's a post entitled "yeah, so my life's REAL interesting" continuing with the crusade of BORING.

stayed home sick todayyy but it didnt even feel like a whole dayy seeing as i only woke up at 12 and went to the school anyways at 2:30 for mock trialll. lifesajokeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I can almost hear her whining through my monitor~

last night was a bore.

Oh God shut up. Shut the fuck up you waste of space. Jesus Christ your entire blog is a waste of time and effort. "Today was boring." Copy and paste that about a trillion times and you're done. You never need to update again.
This is bad. This is perhaps the worst blog I'll read all week. It's all up hill from here, people.
The only redeeming feature of this blog is that in reading it my FFXI character gained .4 fishing skill and 1.5 stacks of Nebimonites, but that really has nothing at all to do with this dumb blog.
In fact, had I been giving my game my undivided I'd probably be better off.
SO NO, NO REDEEMING QUALITIES ARE TO BE HAD IN THIS BLOG.