OPEN BEEEEEETA MOTHERFUCKER

FFXIV open beta starts tomorrow. Oh, that doesn't mean they're letting peasants in-- it just means the master race already in can talk to your stupid ass about it without pretending it's some kind of secret club.
Awwww yeah.
Anyway here we have "The Rogue Bitch" one of the aforementioned peasants. I guess it's as they say: common birth, common man.
This is one of those blogs I love so much where I have to agree I'm 18+ (this time it's 18) and then click on each entry, agreeing once more I'm 18. Asshole if I'm 18 coming into it I'll still be 18 when I agree to each entry, won't I? What, are you trying to catch >18 people this way? Are they going to lie through the first one then suddenly get scared?
And for entries this complex you really need this level of security to ensure the children won't be scared.
I found this blog via the question of the day: "if you could change something about your past, what would it be?" And here's her response:

You know, I've thought about this a lot, since my past has been pretty unrelentingly shitty. But the weird thing is, if I didn't *have* that past, I wouldn't be who I am, and I really kind of like who I am.

So, no. I love how these bloggers write 50000000 words for something that requires ONE WORD.

This could be the start of a really excellent meme.

I checked out of the library "Fahrenheit 451: The Authorized Adaptation" which is a graphic novel that Ray Bradbury himself approved.

>Excellent
>meme

Finally, may I suggest that anyone reading this introduction to take the time to name the one book that he or she would most want to memorize and protect from any censors or "firemen." And not only name the book, but give the reasons why they would wish to memorize and why it would be a valuable asset to be recited and remembered in the future.

I just put a lot of thought into this. Would I memorize The Inferno or The Odyssey? Then I decided I'd memorize today's blog just to troll the fuck out of future generations.
OF ALL THE THINGS HE COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO MEMORIZE, THIS HORSESHIT is what they'll say about me :3

Every year my ex asks me if I want to take our daughter for Mother's Day (he usually has her on weekends) and I always laughingly tell him No.

"No, on the day we commemorate mothers I want the only thing that makes me a mother far, far away from me." Welp.

My idea of a good Mother's Day is one where I get to take a break from mothering.

Can't imagine why you're divorced.
Actually, yes I can: you write fanfiction and you have children. How hideously out of sorts is your life?

While there I got a phone call from J., telling me that Hari had developed a sudden ear infection and they were taking her to a Walgreen's clinic. I talked to Hari and she sounded *so* sad, but she's also a drama princess.

MY CHILD'S SUFFERING HAS NO EFFECT ON ME!
Also ear infections suck holy shit. I mean I've only had one once or twice because my childhood illness of choice was strep throat, but still, goddamn.

Tracy and I went to Borders, where I saw many books I wanted but did not buy (new JR Ward, favorite guilty pleasure, *lurid* red cover) and got another call from J.

Oh yes, this parenting thing. It's almost like sometimes you have to put your own interests after your kid or something. Man, this is tough!

Yes, ear infection, she was getting zithromycin and we would discuss whether Hari was coming home later on after she'd been dosed.

Well thank you Wallgreens and the other parent. Where might we be without the magic of "just walking the fuck in and a nurse telling you what you need"?

So I went home and performed a cleansing ritual to rid my house of what I suspected was a cursed object.

Err-- what?

Got rid of the cursed object before I went out to coffee.

You do realize you can't just "get rid" of cursed objects, right? You have to purify them or else you can't unequip/drop them from your inventory. Usually this just involves going to a priest and saying "deal with this" and after a fee you're good to go, but sometimes you have to go through a whole ordeal with climbing mountains and throwing rings into the hellfire used to forge it in the first place.

Then I bounced around at loose ends until J. and talked and determined that Hari should stay with him for the night and we would meet at 12 today.

"Tomorrow" or are we not bound by Euclidean geometry suddenly?
YES JUST SLEEP IT OFF AND I'LL REPEAT TODAY AND PICK YOU UP.
I didn't know "The Rogue Bitch" was such an accomplished time mage.

So that was my mother's day. No card, although I did get a bouquet. No one took me out for brunch, but I had a nice coffee date with Tracy. It was a good day, although strangely incomplete.

I just miss Hari.

Err, so when the whole "she's got this ear infection" thing came up you couldn't have just gone along? I mean if you really cared that much would you have gone to Border's and then went home to read and basically done everything except check on your stupid kid?

So you have a day in which you are on the outs with a friend, and you know you boned a Big Important Interview, and you come home with the groceries in the dumps, and go to get the mail --

-- and there's a box on your doorstep with yaoi manga in it!

The day where that happens and the thing that revitalizes my spirits is an animu where the main characters have gay sex is the day I kill myself.
I mean honest to Christ, it's not even something good like Fist of the North Star or Berserk.

I'm leaving this unlocked for other prying parties. It seems I need to provide an orientation for the Next Generation, since some don't really have a clue what "bitch" really means or who I really am.

Words I don't understand.

OMG Twitter. When did it become September on the Internet again?

... September starts in less than two days.

I vented (on Twitter) the other day about a coworker whose statements struck me as particularly dumb.

Wow what a huge mistake. You should have vented on your stupid blog where no one knows you. Your life is pretty devoid of content. You don't need to keep people in the loop.

This was met with one of my coworkers/friends making a statement (on Twitter) about how embarrassing it is when her friends talk shit about each other behind each others' backs.

Yeah, see? Then shit like this happens.

So I took it to her, asking what she meant and asking she talk to me directly if I did something she didn't like.

HURR DURR

Two days later, the party of whom I spoke decided to follow me on Twitter. Suspicious, no?

I'm pretty sure they're not engaging in CLANDESTINE OPERATIONS, here. I'm pretty sure they're not trying to keep this a secret from you, you fucking dunce.

And then today she collared me and asked me "what was up" with saying she was dumb as a box of hammers in a public forum.

"I mean I've encountered turnips with more on the ball than you." NO REMORSE.
I mean you're already a self-described "bitch", so you already suck. Might as well be a bitch with some conviction.

So I told her that she said something I found stupid and vented about it, and I didn't feel I needed to justify myself.

No, see, now you're getting defensive. I DON'T NEED TO JUSTIFY MYSELF WAAAAAH. Just repeat what you think in a different form and not a single fuck was given.

She said she didn't know and why was I acting surprised that something was coming back to me on a public forum.

I'm not fucking surprised.

So what are we doing here, exactly?
Oh, here's her "online lineage" and I'm sure I'm about to be impressed.

1984 -- 14 years old, used a very rudimentary message system at the Hanover Youth Center, which was probably tied in to the Dartmouth system.

Born 1970, so that makes you--
OLD ENOUGH TO NOT BE ACTING LIKE THIS, CERTAINLY.
Know what I was doing in 1984? BEING -3, AND EVEN I KNOW BETTER THAN YOU.
Wow what a tremendously boring story. My own online adventure doesn't even begin until you're halfway through yours and yet mine has stories of destroying demons and aliens.
I guess it's not how long you've lived it's what you do in the interim, huh?

I don't really give a shit about you (whoever you are) and what you think. If I did, I wouldn't vent about you in forums either public or private.

If you didn't give a shit you wouldn't need to vent in the first place.
Am I going insane?

If you find out about what I say, and confront me with it, don't expect me to be apologetic.

I dunno, explaining your course of action in this much depth rings of apology to me. You do realize you don't have to say "I fucked up, I'm sorry" for it to count as an apology, right? An "apology" is just a defense for something, really.
That's why you see in the Bible all those "apologies" to the Galatians and shit.

About the only consequence about this whole idiotic foofaraw that bothers me is that a friend I care about decided to unfollow me because she was "grossed out" and has "too much respect" for me to watch me "act like a thirteen year old". I'm not sure which part of that I'm guilty of: posting in the first place, or asking who might've told the offended party, or..?

ACTING LIKE A 13 YEAR OLD, IDIOT.
Jesus Christ, talking bad about people on Twitter, seriously? Then being "amazed" (or no, not amazed, just so not-amazed you have to act like you're amazed) and having to text your friends about it? You're 40 years old, for Christ's sake.

I am still dealing with the fallout of what happened and still intermittently sad and enraged.

Maybe it's just my own life but somehow when people talk about the "fallout" of their failed relationships I'm somehow less than impressed because when I hear the word "fallout" it's usually in relation to radiation.
Listen I'm sure your relationship was hard but when you say "fallout" I have flashbacks to giant, radiation-mutated scorpions, okay.
Apparently she had a falling out with her friend and now her daughter is upset and who gives a shit, honest to God?
What follows is just an endless litany of fanfiction so I guess it's time to go do something productive with my life.

Life's the same

Today we have "Embracable Aberration" (THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN ABERRATION THAT CAN BE EMBRACED, PREPARE TO BE PURGED) also known as "Eris_Devotee" and I think I'm getting douche shivers already and we're not even into the blog yet.

There are some things I owe to my mother. Among them is the fact that I'm not a racist or a bigot.

The whole Islamic center in Manhattan debate is making me insane. The constitution could not be more clear about this. I don't understand why there is a debate of any kind whatsoever.

Legally they're allowed but you know how people are and with Manhattan the size it is they couldn't find another block a little further away just to avoid controversy like they must have known they'd generate?
I say build a giant statue to Zeus in the same spot. Fuck you, monotheist.

I don't understand why 18% of Americans think Obama is a Muslim, but like Bob said - "let's say I do believe that. Now ask me if I care."

I don't know and I don't care what religion he is but I do know he's an inept fucker. He even failed to impress me at evading a serious response to this, err, "issue".
Meanwhile the Chinese are revaluing their currency but NOPE WE HAVE ISLAMIC CENTERS TO WORRY ABOUT NOT OUR CRASHING ECONOMY.
I mean if it were president they'd have to explain to me what was happening because I'd be so concerned over my logistical figures and infrastructure issues that this would be the first I'm hearing of this.
SORRY GOT ROADS TO PAVE AND ECONOMIES TO REVIVE, OUT THE WAY.

The nicotine patch is making it easy to quit cigarettes. Day 4 with minimal issues/distractions.

Day four so you're far into this quitting thing.

I think a lot about: what if I had health insurance for the past 20 years.

Based off the shit I've heard so far I'm guessing everyone would have higher premiums.

As someone who has a strong identity=mind=self=soul belief about herself, it's been a rough ride for cognitive struggles to have manifested. Some of it seems a little better, but there's a lot of unpredictability there.

What?
What the fuck does that even mean?

I need a combination of orbital decompression surgery

Err-- uh-huh?

and a shortening of the muscles behind my eyes.

... Why? Usually you hear about this in children who have listing eyes (it's really creepy check it out) and it's a birth defect, not something that sets in later.

I just figured something out that should've occurred to me before: if Graves is an auto-immune disease, then it stands to reason that it is subject to flares just like all other auto-immune diseases.

Oh, okay. I get it now. Now it all makes sense.
This doesn't happen very often, let's bask in the glow of a complete thought on Livejournal. There's a problem and we know why the problem exists.

I'm baffled. Because in every single case, I have my own ideas about how we should go about treatment.

Oh well thank you, Doctor Dumbass.

I got pissed because 1 week after I lowered my meds and stopped prednisone, all my symptoms returned. I was told there was NO WAY it could be hyperthyroidism after only 1 week of lowered meds. And lo and behold, it MUST have been the case because I went all the way back to the other end of the spectrum.

Why can't you just get your thyroid taken out?
I know for a fact this is possible and you can just take some Synthroid to overcome not having an important gland, and then you wouldn't need all these visits to doctors and medications and shit.
But I get it your life is so devoid of anything of value you do this for attention and for something to fill the void.
Do you talk about anything else? Good grief. I've run into ONE OF THESE BLOGS.
Also as a supposed "devotee to Eris" shouldn't you be glad at the discord in your life? I mean that is what Eris does, you know. I mean when your father is Erebus, god of darkness and your mother is Nyx, goddess of the night and your grandfather is CHAOS HIMSELF some decisions are just made for you.

my two best friends from youth, Kate and Darlene, both sensed how sick I was before I went to the hospital. Darlene only got what I had been posting on FB, and Kate got what I was posting on here, but both of them contacted me on the night I was feeling the worst... both of them saying they just sensed something was wrong.

WOW HOW'D YOU TWO LADIES SENSE THAT?
IT'S ALMOST LIKE SHE NEVER SHUTS UP ABOUT IT!
I sense this woman is a real twat who never stops bitching.
Oh man, am I psychic or what?
Further psychic predictions: the sun will rise tomorrow!

um... after a year with actual climate control, I can honestly say that with lupus - I shouldn't live without it.

Lupus and Graves' Disease and quitting smoking and hey wait a minute, shouldn't someone with so many immune system and endocrine system problems not be smoking in the first place? Shouldn't that be a "wow I really have to knock this off pronto or I'll fucking die" type thing?

Well, now I'm nervous/anxious/obsessing...

I called my caseworker for disability to make certain she had received the information about my most recent hospital stay.

OH MY GOD WHO GIVES A FUCK?

And then because it was unknown to the people who read my other blog, I used to to kvetch about lupus and probably just whine in general.

-USED- to?
What do you call all of this, then? Christ all mighty.

A skinny-minny - no. A curves-in-all-the-right-places, shouldn't-we-all-be-so-lucky body at almost 59 years old.

>curves
>right places
Whatever, fat people.

But I really really can't justify smoking, in any way, when semi-serious pericarditis is somewhere my lupus might venture again.

HURR DURR HURRRRRRRRRR
I think I just herped so hard I derped

I'm so fucking bored. Even beyond resting, I just need... something. If the photo shoot happens Wednesday (weather and health depending), I'll have work for a week or so but...

FFXIV beta ended the 25th, I know. But that's okay we're probably only like 2-ish weeks (at most) from the next phase of the beta and the game itself actually comes out in 25 days so it won't be too much longer.
A lot of people are worried about the fatigue system and yeah it's probably going to suck but if your primary complaint about a game is YOU CAN ONLY PLAY YOUR FAVORITE CLASS FOR --EIGHT-- HOURS then what the fuck?
It's not like it's just eight hours a week, either. Level another class you OCD bastard, Christ. That'll work the fatigue for the other class off, won't it?
Or, or if you really want to be balls to the wall (and you will because you're hardcore like that) you could level through the experience penalty.

Tension is...

Something that raises the damage you deal in Dragon Quest, yes.

I still can't shake the OMFG feeling the rises up. As in holy shit all that really just happened.

Oh don't even get me started. I got in this fucking class, right (well, sort of) and I just need to transfer into it but apparently they've lost my add/drop form in the, what, less than a block it is from the professor's office to the admissions office.
This is bullshit, absolute fucking horseshit.
Then compound this with the fact I'M TALKING MY CLASSES OUT OF ORDER OH NO I'm totally fucked for an entire year, aren't I?
Oh well just gotta get this cleared up for really Monday one way or another, I guess.
I feel like a mad man running between all these different offices inquiring about shit they don't even know about but look what I'm reduced to, honest to fuck.

ahhhhh, lust.

It's magick, the best sort, yes it is.

Did you just spell magic with a k?
I know that's how they spell it in a lot of video games because "magic" is like magician pulling a rabbit out of the hat shit and people in video games are conjuring meteors and THE DEVIL but you're not so knock it off.

I'm sitting in the waiting area of my psychiatrist's office. Of course that means I am crocheting. In walks a drug rep (they're all the same - young, pretty, hyper, phony), looks at what I am doing and says...

I scowled at her and said, "actually, it's my job."

Hey at least you're not out in the sun all day laying mortar, asshole.

I wanted to say "if it was fucking therapeutic would I be sitting here you fucking moron".

I cut some shit because I don't care and so she's actually referring to being in a psychiatrist's office. Also I'd like to mention she's married and has a child.
... SURPRISED?

I'm a third wave feminist, and proud of it.

Don't know what that means.
Don't care, either. Keep it to yourself.

I'm pro-Free Will.

Anyone else believe free will is ultimately impossible because even if you can make your own decisions the gulf between what you know and the realm of what can be known is so vast your attempts at exerting your own free will are futile and dust in the wind?
Or am I the only person that thinks of shit like this?
The term "sister-woman" came up on this post and I don't even know what the fuck is happening.

You wanna know what bites my ass lately? When people refer to me as "strong" as if that means I have more raw capacity to deal with life's shit than the person standing next to me.

Yeah, that'd bite my ass too, especially considering it's a blatant fiction.

so... didja know you could get blisters on your eyeballs?

Yeah I did. Did you know your eyelids can dissolve from the inside and they actually curl on themselves, then?
Needless to say the process of this isn't exactly easy on the corneas.
So I think I'm done with this blog now because it's just starting to repeat itself over and over and here's a question: if 2009 and 2010 are "the toughest years for your disease yet" is it getting progressively worse or are you just a drama queen?

I GOTTA DO WHAT?

I GOTTA BELIEVE!
So get this. I have this assignment, right, and I'm supposed to make a blog because as an educator in the 21st century I have to be "with it" and "hip" and so all the kids are blogging (lol wtf acronyms) and so I, too, must blog. "Just use blogger, it's really easy!" Well fuck, now I need to create a dummy email account because if I use this one I can be tied back to another blog where I'm mean to high schoolers on a habitual basis. Not to mention "fuck" is something like the fifth most non-common word I use on this blog.Another thing I have to do is come up with a quote that describes me. Unfortunately "and not a single fuck was given that day" isn't school appropriate, so I'm basically having to create a second identity for the sake of this business. Man, life is needlessly complicated at times.
I also consulted The Good Book (The Warhammer 40,000 rulebook, that is) and while it is filled to the brim with wisdom again I don't think it's exactly what a school system would want to hear from a prospective teacher. By "we are judged in life by the evil we destroy" I mean illiteracy, LOL! (see how hip I am?) Oh right you come here for some other purpose than listen to me prattle. Or maybe you do, but prattle about something specific, namely other blogs. Well here you go, you needy cunt.
I got this blog via the writer's block of the day that asks "What subject you like to become more knowledgeable about, and why?" and our boy is getting a 0/10 for not following instructions.

I have to disagree with this old saying of "knowledge is power"
I think Knowledge is not power, but it is in fact potential power.

Shut up and answer the question, holy God.
Also they forgot the second half of that quote: "guard it well."

How good is it to have so much knowledge if you don't give it use?

Define "use".
If I know something aren't I, by definition, using it somehow?

sad to say; but I've known people that have knowledge about some very important things...yet they don't decide not to do anything.

SEMICOLONS, BOY! SEMICOLONS!

Now, to have the drive for more will usually take you to knowledge. The drive that takes you to know where to look for answers or who to talk to; the drive that could move mountains...only the brave ones have this drive.

You're totally losing me. Let's move on before I get fucking pissed.

So...today I had 1 impossible thing happen,and one I was not counting on.

If it's impossible and it happens-- err, isn't it, by definition, possible?

ha, well the 1 impossible thing I can't talk about since 'tis a tad embarrassing.

OH, OKAY. GLAD YOU BROUGHT IT UP, THEN.

So what if its an old car? heck I was about to buy a car for 5000, but now at the very most I'll waste anything between 400 to 1000 on the rebuilt transmission. This is awesome news!! that was I can deff keep saving my momo for the future trips.

Did you just call "money" "momo"? Also I'm not sure why I thought this was a guy. I'm guessing it's a girl now.

OOOHHh and in other news, my akai mpd finally got here! actually,

Akai MPD. Anyone? Anyone know what that is?
I know "akai" means "red" if this is Japanese we're talking about (and I'm honestly not sure if we are) but that doesn't really--
Perhaps she means "acai" that berry shit. I know the "c" has a tail but my keyboard is English and we don't need all sorts of crazy shit on our letters to express ourselves (master language here).

Just what I needed!
I got some fresh air :) and I mean that literally too lol

As opposed to figuratively where you listened to a pretentious public access radio show, what?

I have some good news! I finally got my AKAI MPD32

All right I'm just going to Google this since this is apparently going to be a consistent issue.
Google image search.
No idea what I'm looking at here.
MIDI-over-USB performance pad for DJs. Ah yes, USB is well known for its sound quality. That's why good quality headphones plug directly into the USB port.
Wait, no--

I'm not feeling so good...not feeling like myself today. Don't really know what's causing this,but I still have that feeling of something "blocking" my thoughts.

DEMONS BEGONE

Which one word would you use to describe yourself, and why?

"Fuck"

Not the most original of questions, but a good one never the less!
Well I don't know if one self can be asked this question without sounding ether too modest or too egocentric.But I think I'd use 2 worlds (that come to mind just now ) and that would be "frustrated passion" since I love to do lot of things, but I don't have some of the qualities to do them.

>One word
>post is 90 words long
Welp.

why do you test me?
I shouldn't really ask "why" because in my head I hear "why not" right after I ask that question.
I'm starting to believe that strange forces are in play.

Heresy creeps into your words.

Have you ever had one strange day where so many things remind you of someone?

NOT A SINGLE DAY IN MY LIFE.

This could all very well be in our imagination; something that we just want it to be so bad, that we push our subconscious to remember. Or, just simply something that is sent. karma?

Karma isn't instant. One day idiot Livejournal users will understand this very simple religious principle. That's my dream.

Destiny or perhaps God is trying to tell us something? (you dumb goof, ponte las pilas!) j/k

If there is a God (let's pretend) do you really think he has so little to do he's meddling in the coincidental stupid shit in your dumb life? Really?

So what is the point to this blog? aaamm.... when have I really had one? lol I mean, do I really have to share a blog/vlog and have a purpose? :P that's no fun.

Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself...

Sometimes you kill yourself to live. Sometimes you run over a Korean family with your car to save a Korean family with your car.
SEE HOW SHIT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE WHEN YOU TYPE LIKE AN IDIOT?

Hmm...everybody has had the thought "what if" going through their head at one point or another.
But at this moment I'm not thinking "what if I had" but "what if I hadn't"

"What if I had bought that Remington 12 gauge?"
"I'd probably be in jail."

Hmm...now that I think about it, one of my bad habits is trying to please everyone at everything. Chotto 怖い desu ne?

WHAT?

Sigh..
so!
Good morning/evening/night to all of you out there in that total chaos of the world! how's it been?

Hello, I must be going.