Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Canada sucks

Fuck.
Why is writing femslash so damn awkward for me? I keep slipping into overwrought lyrical bonking territory.
Because you're a shit writer writing a shit subject.
On the upside, on the bus ride home this evening, I realised that I'm writing a negotiation heavy, spanking and  tickling fic, so there is that.
So you're a sex starved hambeast, got it.
Bliss borders on painful. I was expecting it to be soccer mom softcore, and I was even prepared for cheesy music, but they just suck on basic things like informed consent, even the most basic negotiation- like, don't drip hot wax on someone without their permission, if they tell you to stop dripping wax on them fucking STOP, always test wax on someone first etc. JFC. 
Yeah you better watch what you do with your fictional characters!
They need informed consent too!
There's also this would-be homoerotic tension between the pro-domme (who has roughly three expressions and a distracting Louise Brooks bob) and the main character, in all it's leather clad glory, but instead it's mostly just unconvincing and unintentionally funny. Really, how do you mess this up? Leather and spanking and disappointment oh my.

Yeah, give this one a miss.
I'll be sure not to read that thing I don't care about and had no idea existed.
Ever have that moment when you're reading a really hot fic and then the author uses the term fleshy, wet strokes, and you're like, AHHH Why?!!  WHY? And your naughty bits basically invert themselves in horror. 
... All the time!
Oh thank the fuck Christ I reached the end of this blog.
Well let's move on to the next one, then--
RAPID FIRE TIME NO TIME TO REDO THIS.
I can't find any blogs that aren't roleplaying or fanfiction.
Well time for Dear Annie, I guess.
This is fucking filler you can just skip this if you don't want to read.
Dear Annie: Why do women announcers who appear on the TV news and weather programs dress so trashy? They wear miniskirts up to their rears, bare arms and shoulders, and low necklines showing everything.

The men on these same programs always look professional, with nice suits or sport jackets. I've heard people say that a woman's knees are the ugliest part of the body, and yet they wear short skirts above the knees. Why don't their bosses stop all of this vulgar dress? — Not a Prude
Yes you are.
Dear Not: What makes you think the women are selecting this clothing? More likely, their bosses, the producers of the shows, encourage the women to dress this way because "sex sells." In all fairness, national news announcers, both male and female, tend to dress more professionally. But if your local news has the men in suits and the women in low-cut blouses and miniskirts, it is sexist, and you should write the station and say so.
How joyless is your life?
I mean what the fuck. Is your life so devoid of anger you have to make shit up to be angry about?
A few years ago, my wife went out of town for a conference. A month after she returned, I was on our computer and noticed that she hadn't logged out of her email. My curiosity got the best of me, and I saw that she had traded emails with an old boyfriend. I then discovered that the two of them had met while she was at the conference. One of her last emails to him said, "I still have feelings for you." 
Bitch is cheatin'.

Dear Annie: Could you please inform your female readers that we are tired of seeing their behinds because they refuse to buck a fashion trend that has been forced on them? I am talking about hideous low-cut jeans.

Unless you are model thin, it's hard to look good in these jeans. And if something hangs over, they're not for you, period. Do women have no sense anymore? It is disgusting to see someone's behind hanging out of their pants.
Young women have been misled to think that jeans that sit at the natural waist and don't show your assets are "mom jeans," which is supposed to make them sound undesirable. But listen up: It's a marketing ploy to sell more jeans. Women need to wake up and take a good, hard look at themselves. — Sick of Seeing It in Indy
Yeah.
Tell it.
Also if your size is in the double digits you should not own a pair of yoga pants.
What the fuck is the matter with you?
Holy shit this entry is not going anywhere and I am trying as hard as I can. This has my undivided.
What the fuck is wrong with everyone or me today?
Fuck it
song of the now
give it a minute it takes a minute to get going

Friday, February 14, 2014

Fuck off snow

So it snowed an unuuuusual amount here in North Carolina so of course everything shut the fuck down.
I'd cut them some slack because it does seem pretty hairy out there but they shut down before this even started so even though they were right to shut down they're still pussies for doing it before anything even happened.
This is also the point where I tell everyone I fucking hate snow more than life itself and I hate this kinda bullshit weather and why do I live in this misery?
Anyway here's this jackoff.
I've developed a keen sixth sense for blogs now. Before I'd do extensive research. Now I can tell.
Still can't guess the gender worth a motherfuck but at least I know the goods when I see them.
I have stuff to say, and this seems like the best of available venues for it.

Forget about the roses and chocolate and sex of Valentine's Day for a minute. I wanna talk about other sorts of love.
Fuck off.
I know where this is headed.
Just wait for baby Jesus shit.
Gotta check the cut--
So, Jesus more or less said, "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." Plenty of other religious leaders have said the same thing, but I'm from a Catholic background, so I'm coming to it from this direction.
BAM.
FUCK OFF.
It's a tall order. Humans are selfish, emotionally and socially spiky assholes. Most of us have better sides and redeeming qualities, but there's no refuting the presence of the inner asshole in us all.
The only religions to adequately embrace this inevitable reality are any kind of indigenous Paganism and Buddhism. 
I've been dealing with a lot of pain, a lot of fear, and a lot of stress lately, and let me tell you: pain/fear/stress work just as well as the Deadly Sins to bring my inner asshole bobbing to the surface.
 There are moments when even loving my nearest and dearest family members is impossible and I willing to bet that's a universal experience. As for neighbors... Sometimes it's to their benefit that we don't know them well. It's fairly easy to be civil to the neighbor who keeps an eye on the kids and offers you fresh-baked muffins.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
tl:dr version: try not to be a jerk. I'm trying my best to be fond of you.
Just like Jesus said.
You know there are religions with a more reasonable framework for this kind of situation.
It usually goes: "you don't have to love each other. You don't even have to like each other. But if you do something too heinous Zeus will smite you with lightning."
resonant  asked "What are some things you've learned from fandom -- either from stories or from fans -- that you didn't learn anywhere else?"
I learned the fandom has an incredible ability to be absolutely insufferably smug about a third rate TV show.
So much. So so much.  Maybe a better question would be "what hasn't fandom taught me?"

First, the no-brainer: Fandom taught me about sex.
No go on. Let that sink in for a minute.
This is the same group of people who write about male impregnation.
I can wait.
And, since I've lived almost all my life among men, it gave me a community of women who were willing to share information about periods, about Diva cups, and about tits. Also, it gave me a network of women who could compare experiences with sexual discrimination and rape culture, and who have pointed out to me (by and large, very gently) that I had sexist habits. (I still struggle with "guys" not being a gender-neutral term.)
RAPE CULTURE
DIVA CUPS
Know what a diva cup is?
I got a lecture in pussy sensitivity on it.
It's like a cup that clamps around the vaginal opening during a period.
Then it's emptied.
Cup of period blood.
Apparently pads and tampons are relics of the subjugation of women.
I awkwardly look at the girl next to me who was my friend so naturally she had the "please shoot me" look.
So I raise my hand.
"What if a woman doesn't want to deal with a cup of period blood?"
 "THEY DEAL WITH PERIOD BLOOD ANYWAY"
No but like
Pulling a pad of blood out is different from using your finger to scrub the rime of period blood crust around a plastic cup
surely even pussy sensitivity people can see those aren't the same.
How is a pad a relic of rape culture even?
I suppose we could argue a tampon is because it's like an insertion--
I don't know.
Fuck it.
Also, fandom is a fantastic place to explore desire and build a vocabulary for talking about desire and pleasure.

Fandom taught me about reputation and group dynamics in a way that interacting with people in body did not. Er, I'm not sure how to elaborate on that.

Fandom discussions have taught me a lot about ownership, about RPF, about celebrity, about gossip, and the ethics surrounding all those things.
Group dynamics what
Fandom has reminded me that I'm not weird -- or rather, that if I am weird then I am at least not alone in my weirdness. I have found a niche of fandom that is comfortable to me in a way that my embodied life is not. An intellectual Room of My Own. 
Look at that smugness.
Intellectual room of her own.
It's Dr. Who chill the fuck out.
GUYS I'M PART OF THE HOMICIDE FANDOM
(it's a TV show I'm not making a joke about murder)
AND I'VE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT PERSONHOOD FROM IT.
When I die, please God, let my professional obit discuss my professional work. Or at least mention it. Or at least, let the obit lead with the fact that I *did* some sort of work. 
When I die please tell them how much ISK I had in EVE and my ELO in League of Legends
It should mention my family, of course, who I hope will survive me. But do not use any variant of "she conformed to 1950s standards of good wife and mother" to make readers less threatened at reading of my own intellectual and spiritual and bodily achievements. First, it would be a lie, and second it would be the basest sort of historical erasure.
 Her bold, not mine.
Yes. She'd have been important historically had it not been for that damn patriarchy.
You know Margaret Thatcher had to say the exact same shit.
Her achievements weren't just manifest.
Like you can whine about patriarchy erasing you historically but your obscurity and mediocrity will do that far better than any sort of institutional discrimination.
And that's a lot of how I feel about the way the New York Times utterly botched Yvonne Brill's obituary. She was a hot shit rocket scientist starting in the 1940s, she won the National Medal of Technology and Innovation as well as other awards, and her patent on rocket boosters made it possible for more satellites to be feasible.

In other words, every time you use GPS, you benefit from her work.

But that wasn't apparently newsworthy enough for the NYT. The first paragraph mentioned her cooking and her wife-and-mother credentials. Nothing about rocket science. They changed the obit some but it's still infuriatingly sexist. 
Maybe that was her wish?
People in the 1940s weren't as monstrously egotistical as we are today. Maybe she considered bragging about that uncouth?
Did you think of that?
Thank you! I adore all the fandoms and characters I've chosen so I'm sure I'll love whatever you create.
Nope still can't do it.
Fuck you, Java.
Of course it's vulnerable.
It's Java.
That's what it does.
Fuck it I'm going.
Fuck you Java
fuck you blogs
fuck you fandom.
Song of the now.
A couple things I like in stories:
  • I love hopeful endings.
HUEHEUHEUEH
Has anyone gone through the "Making Home Affordable" mortgage adjustment/refinance program?

Does applying and or using the program cause a hit to one's credit score?
I'm guessing the admission that you spent above your means is admission you can't handle credit and therefore it should.
Also let me see if I can find this information out despite never having been a homeowner.
Let's see.
Wow one Google search later I don't even have to click on a website to read this:
Accepting a loan modification can affect your credit score
Woooooow.
If only the fandom had taught you Google searches.

Remember to dance.

I (and many of you) spend so much time in our heads, staring at screens, either fighting or ignoring our bodies. And that's a shame if our bodies are basically serviceable.

When was the last time you moved your body to music, just for the pleasure of it?
Why just today I was dancing in my room. Why do you ask?
Alone with the radio on, or surrounded by people, or in one slow dance with someone special, or rocking a baby to a waltz-step?

Take a few minutes and enjoy that body of yours.
Don't fucking tell me what to do.
That has been really bothering me since I started playing League of Legends.
Just today I was playing and I hatchet this Darius down and I'm in the middle of recalling because I need to buy items and I'm at 50 health when this guy says
"yeah great job but can you recall?"
Like no, idiot from another lane, I can't.
I'm just sitting here waiting to die at 50 health because I need someone to tell me there's a way I can quickly return to base and get fully healed.
The end score:
11:0:6 me
3:6:2 him
SO CLEARLY I NEED INSTRUCTIONS
ON HOW TO PLAY THIS GAME
FROM YOU.
Also protip, other low level idiots:
when you're low on health and running away from Jinx don't just run back in a straight line because I have a rocket that can hit you.
How you can help OCCCUPY
(without camping)
Oh yeah remember when a bunch of freshly graduated college idiots decided to camp?
Transfer Banks. The best and biggest thing you can do to send the message that you do not approve of unethical banking practices is to get a credit union or local bank. If you have a Chase, Citi, Wells-Fargo or Bank of America account, withdraw your funds and place them somewhere that you trust.
Yes, hurt the unstoppable Bank of America so their stock drops to penny stock territory then let them recoup their losses in the interim so much they're actually at pre-recession numbers.
That is sure to send a message.
It definitely wouldn't, you know, help them long term or anything. Blah blah blah last one:
FORGIVE. The rich and powerful did not mean for this to happen. The bankers and investors were short-sighted and they work in a high-risk field. They got used to taking risks and then more risks, and some of those risks were not theirs to take.
Forgive that level of corruption and incompetence. You people deserve to be exploited at that point.
They risked our homes and livelihoods. They were foolish. But foolish is not evil. The government was foolish to think that the state could let them take as many risks as they wanted.
The government claims it's canny and capable, though.
Treachery.
Heads should still be rolling.
They were foolish and we supported them in their foolishness by being less critical than we should have been about ideas that proved unsound. But now we have no time to waste on foolishness or on the bitterness and blame it generates. Please forgive yourself and all of us, and let us move forward from this a more careful, more mutually respectful nation.
After the top level purges, of course.
Dear Fandom,

I don't want to name names, but some folks appear to need a reminder of this.

There is more than one type of object of sexual interest. Men, women, androgynous individuals, poodles (Captain John Hart, I'm looking at you), fetish objects, innocent youths, grizzled elders, skinny, fat, dark, light, hairy, bald. (Some types probably turn you on, some types probably don't do much for you, and you may hate even the idea of some other types. This is normal.) 
Wait what
people are attracted to different things from me?
They're all fucking mental, I tell you.
Laptop repair clue. T'husband has a Jetta Jetbook laptop. We (pronounced "I") think that the motherboard battery is going. It's 6 years old, it's losing BIOS settings and having trouble booting up. I've taken off the access panels in the back, but don't see anything that looks like a button battery. I suspect that the battery is either accessed by taking off the entire back panel or by taking off the keyboard (although that would be a stupid place to put a battery).
>netbook battery died 2 years ago
>just have to hit F2 to boot
just deal with it, Jesus.
Here are Dreamwidth invite codes she just posted and said she'd cross off as they got used--
either she didn't do that or no one gives a fuck.
Here's some dude whining about the vocabulary in boy's toy commercials she linked.
He made a wordle for it.
Just scroll.
Battle, power, stealth, special forces.
I fail to see an issue.
Wonder what this blog would look like.
WELL I GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE MAMA WINDOWS BLOCKED JAVA BECAUSE IT'S VULNERABLE.
I'm a 26 year old man who pays rent and a cellphone bill and drives a car to a job. I think I can handle my own system vulnerabilities.


Thursday, February 6, 2014

The edge

If you're wondering why knives get dull it's because this guy steals the edge.
So fucking edgy.
I haven't really read this but I'm fairly convinced we're in for some fucking edginess.
 What I learned from watching the creation vs evolution debate between Bill Nye and Ken Ham, founder of the Creation Museum:
One day scientists will learn it's entirely pointless to debate people who believe something on faith with hard evidence.
Kind of the point of faith is you don't have evidence for what you think.
It's impossible to know what happened in the past because no one was there to see it.  Fossils and other evidence aren't real science.  The sole exception is the book we call the Bible, which is absolute historic fact, despite the fact that no one knows for sure who wrote it or when and almost no one can read the original texts and need to rely on translations.
People seriously think that.
If you can convince them otherwise you'll be the first person to do so. These are people who can still believe in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
I knew it was the 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy's assassination, but according to the Google homepage it's also the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who.  Strange to think that one of the world's most popular and enduring TV shows premiered on the same day that everyone would have been interested only in watching news about the murder of the American president.
Well I'm sold.
Dr. Who killed JFK.
Conspiracy solved.
Wow and check this out:
the death of Julius Caesar
Liu Bei's declaration that he is the only legitimate successor to the Han Dynasty
the death of Cao Cao
ALL ON THE DAY AGAINST POLICE BRUTALITY, MARCH 15
COINCIDENCE?
I THINK NOT.
CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF, LAW ENFORCEMENT.
(That's to assume the Europeans were interested in JFK's murder, but it seems likely to me that they were.)
I'm not a Doctor Who fan, but for those who are, David Tennant and Billie Piper were recently voted the best Doctor and companion.
Well thanks for that post of nothing.
Good job staying on topic, too.
JFK was assassinated so David Tennant and Billie Piper were voted best doctor and companion.
I'm sold.
You may have heard that Canadian short story writer Alice Munro has been awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature.
Proof the Nobel Prize for Literature is as useless as the one for peace.
TaigaSis tells me that the company her husband works for, in the States, has announced that they will  no longer hire people who smoke and will charge current employees who do smoke an extra $60 per month for their health insurance.  How can that be legal?
How is it legal that I have to pay for other peoples' poor decisions?
Just kidding I can no longer afford healthcare thanks to Obama's affordable healthcare act.
Here's an article about what ancient China thought of ancient Rome and that genuinely is interesting.
An interesting article linked from Dreamwidth. Whatever next?
Apparently the Chinese term for Rome was Da Qin which means "West of the Sea".
The people (of these countries) are connected to each other. Every 10 li (4.2 km) there is a ting (relay shed or changing place), and every 30 li (12.5 km) there is a zhi (postal station).23 There are no bandits or thieves, but there are fierce tigers and lions that kill those travelling on the route. If you are not in a group, you cannot get through.
Factually accurate.
Rome was well known for putting down brigands but the roves of wild tigers kept the otherwise invincible Roman legions in check.

Actually that sounds pretty accurate, come to think of it.
Well, all in all China seems to review Rome favorably.
As it should be, really. They had more in common than differences.
Also the entire Silk Road exists so they could trade with each other.

This website calculates your date of death from actuarial tables based on your birthdate, nationality, and gender.  The only countries included are the U.S., the U.K., France, Germany, and Mexico (and Mexico's tables must be way off). 
Let's see--
r i p
you
October 11, 1987 – October 11, 1997
Yeah that's right, fuckfaces.
Death has two things on me. Want to know what those two things are?
Fuck
and
all.
You have lived
263.21%
of your life.
Goddamn straight.
HAIL CAESAR.
I tried to donate blood and they couldn't hit my vein.  Just like the last time I tried.  Either I have amazing veins or I'm a walking corpse.
They tried to take my blood but ambrosia came out.
I'm half god.
I've lived more than double my entire life somehow.
I was just reading about the new Star Trek film, which I don't intend to see so I have to ask for an explanation.

So, I've never seen the Khan episode or film, but Wikipedia tells me that he's a "full blooded North Indian Sikh" who ruled in Asia in the 1990s.  Played first by a Mexican, and now by a pale-skinned Brit.  Is this explained in the films?   Maybe they couldn't find an actual Indian man to play the role, since there's only, oh, HALF A BILLION of them?
I believe I went over this about ten times already but the reason he doesn't look Indian is probably because HE'S A GENETICALLY ENGINEERED SUPER SOLDIER.
BOY THERE SURE AREN'T ENOUGH INDIANS IN MY SHOW ABOUT WARP TRAVEL, TELEPORTING AND ALIENS.
Here's a quiz trying to figure out what classical hero you are but the questions and answers are so transparent I'm not sure if I'm picking what I'd actually do or if I'm just describing Odysseus.
Hey what the fuck do you know I'm Odysseus.
Wow, subtle.
Looks like my options were Odysseus, Achilles, Jason and Orpheus for some reason.
No Perseus?
Theseus?
No fuck that noise.
The entirety of Greek mythology can be summarized with Jason and the Argonauts and its sequels The Iliad and the Odyssey.
Nothing happened before or after that in Greek mythology.
Isn't that kind of ignoring how long Greek myth goes?
Like you can trace the founding of Rome back to an apple in Greek mythology.
Oh hell yeah you can.
So to make the long story short:
Eris trolls the fuck out of some goddesses
and things got a little out of hand
So Aeneas founds Rome and gets murdered.
Does anyone have any idea how to download stuff using bit torrents? 
TOTAL FUCKING MYSTERY.
If only you could, I don't know, search for information on some sort of information super highway. 
Speaking of ETA 31 minutes on all 5 seasons of The Wire.
Not that I'm torrenting as I type this.
Fox News doesn't realize that Gangnam Style's lyrics are in Korean and that the video is about South Korea. I could understand if they were saying that the millions of non-Koreans who have watched the video don't understand the words or the video, that is a valid point, but they're clearly saying that it's "unintelligible" and 'meaningless".
Have you Googled the lyrics?
Basically unintelligible and meaningless even if you speak Korean.
Is it just me or is this lawyer full of shit?
Without even looking: yes.
I'm obsessed with Breaking Bad. Well, no shock there, lots of people are. The show's creator claims his pitch to the studio was one line: "This is a story about a man who transforms himself from Mr Chips into Scarface." A good line and I see it absolutely everywhere, quoted by actors, media, and fans. Especially young fans.

Am I the only person who had to turn to Wikipedia to find out what "Mr Chips" and "Scarface" mean? And marvelled at discovering that they're pop culture references from almost eighty years ago? 
I'm sure they meant the 1980s Scarface as that was about dealing drugs.
Which is also what Breaking Bad is about.
Surely you can't be this dense.
Some guy posted on Reddit that he's been playing the same game of Civilization II for ten years. It wasn't designed to simulate the future past 2020, but he's now at year 3991. He reports "the world is a hellish nightmare of suffering and devastation", with three super nations locking in perpetual nuclear war over the few remaining resources.
Much like real life.
A Stanford University professor calculated that an individual's risk of dying from nuclear war is 7.5%, but this Oxford University professor estimates there's a 20% chance that we're all living in a computer simulation. So if nuclear war happens, take comfort in knowing that it's more likely to be a computer game than a real war.
And I estimate there's a 100% probability he's making shit up as he goes along.
Oh shit I wrote this but forgot to post it.
AHUEHUEHUEHE late post