Thanks for fucking nothing, Dreamwidth

Who thought it was a good idea to let Flash load on the front page of Dreamwidth?
Know what isn't jarring in the slightest?
15 Youtube videos I can't turn off playing at once.
Like look I get it you cunts want to post your little social justice garbage from Youtube on your useless blogs but the administrators of Dreamwidth should have exercised some common sense and disabled that for the front page.
It was so bad I had to go to Livejournal which I see has had a facelift and now lists the top 15 most popular blogs of the day in a ticker.
This is The Watchtower of Destruction which by Livejournal's undoubtedly fucked up metric is the third best blog on Livejournal today.
I think you'll shortly see why I describe their metric as fucked up.
Or maybe it's right on the money. Christ knows how hard it must have been to sort this garbage.

The Official Ferrett "Ask Me Anything" Thread

I do this when I have a lot of Tedious Stuff to do at work, but don't have the time to write a real essay.  So.  Here's how it works:

Ask me a real question. On any topic. I'll do my best to answer honestly. 

Yeah I have a question
how fucking self important are you that you think I care about your opinion?

So my essay “Dear Daughter: I Hope You Have (Fucking) Awesome Sex” was reposted at The Good Men Project, and now it’s all over the net.  Over 31,000 people have “liked” it on Facebook, and I’ve gotten requests for interviews.  (Sadly, all on a weekend I’m presenting at the Geeky Kink Event, so I’m booked.)  And with this comes a lot of weird emotions:

You wrote an essay about how you hope your daughter gets boned?
Dude.
Wouldn't most fathers just acknowledge that's what'll happen?
Why do you have to write an essay on it?
Makes me think you're internalizing part of it.
Son or daughter my child is getting a proper imperial education.
You know like exactly what doesn't exist anymore.
Dear Daughter,
Sex is a weapon.
Humanity better hope I have sons because I don't think the world is ready for a girl version of Julius Caesar.
Boring article on why Dungeons and Dragons is gay (as if I didn't already know)--

Next weekend, I’ll be attending the Geeky Kink Event in Rhode Island – if you’ll recall, they’re the clash of nerd and kink culture that has the TARDIS bondage box, the ball pit, and the Sensory Deprivation Companion Cube, among many other crazy sexy mashups.  I’m so psyched, as friends have told me this is one of the most awesome cons ever.

Dr. Who bondage.
Good.
Can't two people just fuck anymore?
With handcuffs in this case?
Why does it have to be ZAAAANY FANDOM bullshit?

I’ve discovered that my feeling of being a Real Writer is ephemeral, easily stolen.  It comes for a few minutes after I’ve been published in a nice magazine, flares for a day or two when I get a kind review, and the Nebula kept it stoked for like a month.

Motherfucker won a Nebula.
Guess it's not too hard to win one anymore.
A boring article about why people are whining cunts--
Speaking of is your body ready for the return of FFXIV?
SOON.
Been almost a year since I got to level Edie.
Can't wait to show them the true meaning of war.
Gotta get that new class too
going to be fucking sweet.
Arcanist.
I'd trust someone like her with an occupation with the job of "arcanist".
Anyway fuck this stupid blog I'm going to bed.

Good.

Breaking news about UN whistle blowers getting 0 protection from reprisal?
0 comments.
ANDERSON COOPER OUT OF THE CLOSET!?
89 comments.
Somehow I get the impression ONTD_Political isn't nearly as clever politically as it carries itself.
Also ONT_Political is angry at Mitt Romney because apparently he invested in a (successful) environmental cleanup group that dealt with biological waste-- namely aborted fetuses.
Romney, of course, is anti-abortion.
They're mad that a guy invested in a company that does two things the average ONTD_Political goer would support: the environment and a woman's right to choose.
I don't even know what to say.
I guess they're mad he changed positions which I'm pretty sure is what an intelligent adult does when he finds himself in light of new evidence or logic or whatever else made Mittens change sides.
Or it's convenient to be against abortion.
Either way I'm starting to warm up to the guy. It's this kind of Machiavellian disregard for common decency that will see this country through the impending dark age.
Anyway here we are.

I was at work talking with my manager and a higher up when I started to feel really hungry, then I started to get nauseous, then my vision started getting fuzzy until I could no longer see but could still hear, then... I guess I fainted, passed out, whatever you want to call it.

Dehydration, dipshit.
Jesus Christ all mighty you people are so fucking stupid you forget to drink water.
HURRR WHAT'S THAT THING I NEED TO DO TO STAY ALIVE?
OH WELLL TIME TO BE A CUNT!

Was all over really fast but they made me go to the doctor(at their expense, thankfully... they drew a lot of blood and stuff, so I can't imagine the cost), my coworker who's a former EMS nurse took me.

That poor woman.

She must have the patience of several saints to not only resist strangling you but to actually help your miserable ass.

There didn't seem to be anything wrong with me, just didn't eat enough/get enough water today, so the only real concern is about the back of my head having hit that concrete floor. Only time will tell there.

You just hit your head. It's not like any organ you use could be damaged.

That said, goddamn, that was kinda scary. I mean, for most the hospital visit I couldn't stop shaking. Don't think it helped matters that the higher up guy at work, the first one to my side since he was right there, was freaking out over it and saying things like "it looked like you had a seizure, your eyes went all wide"(probably when everything went black and I was trying to see).

So yeah, most exciting short, four hour, shift to date.

Man I'd kill for a 4 hour shift tomorrow.
Nope, full 8 hours starting at 6 AM.
Maybe I'll just forget to drink water from now until then.
Nah I'd probably be okay.

The other day I was on my way home from work and suddenly my brain was all "I'm so hungry I could eat a whole village" followed by a "wait... whut?" Idk. I'm clearly a monster of some sort.

LULZ xP

Dinner with parents tonight was a bad idea. I mean, I came for the food as I'm always good for good food, but two young white straight cis military guys, cousin and friend, talking about how 'gay (enlisted) people might use the fact that they're gay to get out of doing stuff by "claiming" to be harassed' and how 'everyone gets bullied, you just have to deal with it(same topic)' kinda put me on edge.* 

Oh gee, a bunch of 19 year old punks fresh off their latest indoctrination in the military aren't exactly the most sensitive people ever. Let's get offended.

But, I didn't know my cousin's friend aside from this meeting and I'm not too close to that particular cousin. Either way, I gave my input on the matter and it eventually got derailed/dropped by inquiries of what 'ginger' means in regards to people. Whatever.

Except, my mother just decided to 'have a talk' with me about how I was very rude and shouldn't have 'gone off', something that no one else seemed to feel was what I did, on my cousin's friend about it and how I made him uncomfortable. Then she topped it off with a 'you might(lol, love that in there) be gay, but even if(again!) you are that, it doesn't give you the right to be rude to people about it!'

Oh shut up. Everyone knows every college age girl pretends to be a lesbian for a semester.
Knock it off. 

The Dos and Don'ts of Being A Good Ally

Oh I know these. I've been playing MMOs forever.

1. Don't derail a discussion. Even if it makes you personally uncomfortable to discuss X issue...it's really not about you or your comfort. It's about X issue, and you are absolutely free to not engage rather than try to keep other people from continuing their conversation.

And don't whine when you don't get to do the exact job you want. It's one 20 minute fight. Man the fuck up.

2. Do read links/books referenced in discussions. Again, even if the things being said make you uncomfortable, part of being a good ally is not looking for someone to provide a 101 class midstream. Do your own heavy lifting.

Watch that 10 minute video. It'll teach you how not to stand in the fire you useless twat.
Oh I know it's really long but frankly 10 minutes of your time is less than 5 combined hours of everyone's time.

3. Don't expect your feelings to be a priority in a discussion about X issue. Oftentimes people get off onto the tone argument because their feelings are hurt by the way a message was delivered. If you stand on someone's foot and they tell you to get off? The correct response is not "Ask nicely" when you were in the wrong in the first place.

I know it's bullshit and you weren't standing in the fire. Shut up and don't get hit by lava plumes.

4. Do shut up and listen. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of listening to the people actually living X experience. 

Yeah and I've done this fight like a thousand times so maybe you should shut your noise hole and pay attention when I say YOU CAN ONLY GET TWO ATTACKS IN BETWEEN ERUPTIONS.

There is nothing more obnoxious than someone (however well intentioned) coming into the spaces of a marginalized group and insisting that they absolutely have the solution even though they've never had X experience. 

Huh?
No, listen, I don't care if you're the best bard ever. Bards are shit for Ifrit.

You can certainly make suggestions, but don't be surprised if those ideas aren't well received because you've got the wrong end of the stick somewhere.

You can argue all you want but the statistics are on my side.

5. Don't play Oppresion Olympics. Really, if you're in the middle of a conversation about racism? Now is not the time to talk about how hard it is to be a white woman and deal with sexism. 

No women are welcome in my runs. Nothing personal. None of you can keep your shit together.
Yeah I know you're the *one* that can (despite every girl gamer I've run into claiming to be this elusive snowflake) keep her shit together in this but even if you are the other idiots in my run can't keep their shit together around you so please keep walking.

Being oppressed in one area does not mean you have no privilege in another area. Terms like intersectionality and kyriarchy exist for a reason. Also...that's derailing. Stop it.

Sorry I have to drop the bit for a second.
Kyriarchy?
Is that a thing?

Kyriarchy is a neologism coined by Elisabeth Schüssler Fiorenza to describe interconnected, interacting, and multiplicative systems of domination and submission, within which a person oppressed in one context might be privileged in another.

...
What?
Thanks I guess, Wikipedia.
Anyway where was I?
Oh yeah, how do I know your real life gender in a video game? You really think I give a fuck?
Shut up and throw a curaga when you fucking should.

6. Do check your privilege. It's hard and often unpleasant, but it's really necessary. And you're going to get things wrong. Because no one is perfect. But part of being an ally is being willing to hear that you're doing it wrong.

I may not be perfect but I have done this fight a few times so I think I know what I'm talking about.

7. Don't expect a pass into safe spaces because you call yourself an ally. You're not entitled to access as a result of not being an asshole. Sometimes it just isn't going to be about you or what you think you should happen. Your privilege didn't fall away when you became an ally, and there are intra-community conversations that need to take place away from the gaze of the privileged.

Yeah and speaking of safe places I've been playing EVE Online lately (AKA Spreadsheet: The Game) and I thought I was in safe space until some asshole lobbed a neutron bomb at me or something.

8. Do be willing to stand up to bigots. Even if all you do is tell a friend that the thing they just said about X marginalized group is unacceptable, you're doing some of the actual work of being an ally.

Then they tried to extort money from me. I have to respect any game that has rules flexible enough to allow a protection racket to be a viable part of the game but not enough to not figure out their Teamspeak 3 password and feed their secret kool kids klub bullshit to a rival corporation.
9. Don't treat people like accessories or game tokens. Really, you get no cool points for having a diverse group of friends. Especially when you try to use that as license to act like an asshole.

I'm out of gaming things to talk about now. This is really kind of boring when you strip away me talking about irrelevant shit.
Yeah, fuck this blog.

It has finally come full circle

What the fuck is LoudTwitter? Well, it's apparently a program that automatically uploads your twats (err, tweets) to Livejournal. Great. Don't have anything to say? Post your bullshit nonsense everywhere!
Twitter is already pretty loud so faced with the idea of an even louder Twitter is pretty embarrassing for everyone involved, actually. Fortunately for everyone reading this, though, I have found the one person who has yet to discover LoudTwitter. Behold: Jack the pussy.
First thing he wants to do is talk about his feelings and I can already see an "all guys with blogs are gay" tag going in the tags.

I've thought about taking a class in filmmaking, but my friends tell me it's not what I'll like. One of them said that he dropped out of one because it didn't go in depth on what makes good film,

If you need to take a class to tell you what makes a good movie I don't think you're looking at a future in film making.
There's this thing-- and after reading Livejournal you might be forgiven for thinking this doesn't exist-- called creativity, and you can use this to make things from your brain reality, and you don't even need a college to tell you what to do.
Sometimes, very rarely, an individual will have what they call "genius" and his or her ideas are especially good or inspired.

One of my guy friends had the nerve to say, "Oh come on, it's not that bad. If dudes had periods we wouldn't be complaining."

I don't know if I had blood pouring out of my dick I might be complaining.
I mean, it has never happened (and I hope it never does) but if it did I'd at least be a little concerned.

"YOU KNOW WHAT MOTHERFUCKER? IF MEN HAD PERIODS THE SUICIDE RATE WOULD SKYROCKET OUT OF YOUR ASSES BECAUSE NONE OF YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT DIPFUCKS

All right settle down, Christ.
Are you sure you're not a girl?

Speaking of mothers mine mentioned to someone in the family, someone who suddenly seems to give a shit about my mom enough to go over her house and talk to her, that I liked girls.

Well I think after reading this we all know she is horrifically mistaken.

Now, I've made no effort to conceal my sexuality from anyone. Be it family or friends. I don't feel I owe anyone a "coming out" speech.

Nor should anyone require one to figure you out. It's like asking if that four-legged animal over there licking his balls is a dog. You just kind of understand what it is intrinsically.

I have inhaled Twilight. I have consumed New Moon. I have absorbed Eclipse. And now, I have tamed the ravenous beast known only as....Breaking Dawn.

All right, bro. You're gay, not a 16 year old girl.

The question is not did you read, but did you convert?

Convert to what, Twilight cult?
I remember back in the good old days when vampires were creepy leeches who needed killing.

Has Dawn really broken? Yes, Dawn broke. Dawn broke so hard that Chuck Norris is somewhere in Texas

Chuck Norris joke avert your gaze!
Whew. Here's how Chuck Norris jokes work, you unfunny cunts: they're like Medusa. Anyone who reads one immediately has their sense of humor turned to stone and they can never laugh at another joke again because the weight of the unfunny, internet meme-generated bullshit will always be there.

The Dream: To become a published Author. How's it looking? With the current trend in the Young Adult market, I feel like my trilogy has no place in it. Despite technically being YA. A lot of my writer friends feel the same way about their stories.

I can't imagine reading an entire book written by you. I'm only three entries into your blog and I almost have a headache already.

Are they YA? Yes. Is it urban fantasy? Yes. Is it in a high school setting? Yes. Is there romance? Yes. Is it between a really really super hot guy and a beautiful but plain girl who's the quiet outcast? Um...no.

And therein lies the rub.

Remember when books could be about things and when you read them you didn't want to die?
I miss that.
Oh apparently this is a girl. She's a lesbian.
Jack the lesbian.
Man the internet is hard to figure out.
Well I guess all guys with blogs aren't gay when they're actually women.

I would like to take a moment to talk about a writer's constant companion: The Muse.

Oh fuck me.

Every writer has a muse, they have one form or another.

Oh is that right?

Each are unique to different people.

How the fuck is it Homer, Virgil, Dante, John Milton and Dan Brown all invoke the same muse and yet all of you assholes need your own muse now?

They're the only employee we have that will work when they want to, constantly argue about which story to write first, and will frequently walk off the job when we really need them the most.

Most of the writers I just mentioned considered themselves employees of the muse, no the other way around.
I think if I were to read what they said in a psychoanalytic way I might say they understood their idea was unusual and it was probably the best one they had in them so they better spend it wisely and not be a raving jackass on Livejournal about it.
Just a thought for you twits.

My Muse, takes the form of some kind of Meerkat/Mutated Rabbit. I don't know, he came to me when I was 14, and he hasn't left me alone since. His name is Buddy.

What.

This is a typical work day for us.....


"I need you to start working over time, it's NaNo month."

"No."

"Fine! Then I'll find someone else!"

"Oh really? You're gonna find someone who'll put up with your shitty writing, overuse of verbs, and bad characterization?

She's hearing voices.

BY THE WAY GOOD LUCK TRYING TO FIND SOME THIRD-WORLD ILLITERATE RETARD WILLING TO READ THAT BOWEL-SYNDROME YOU CALL A MANUSCRIPT AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!"

*cries*

So, my fellow writers, what are your Muses like?

Well here's how it typically goes for me and writing:
"hey there's an idea, I'm going to use that!"
There it is.
Sometimes after a lot of thought here's what will happen, though:
"maybe this isn't so good after all. I'll try something else."
Wiiiiild.
Anyway Jacquelin I'm starting to get fucking pissed at your blog so I'm going to go do something else now.
You take care.

Haven't had one of these in a while

So one common complaint in modern video games is how creepily the same all the non-player characters are. They look the same, talk the same, and frequently spout out the exact same lines of dialogs to other clones of themselves.
I don't see how that's a complaint, really, because as I've learned ALL PEOPLE ARE FUCKING IDENTICAL. Art imitating life, etc.
I can literally summarize every single blog I've ever reviewed ever by using five or six archetypes.
Which is your favorite?
Self-important Philosofag, self-important artfag, whiny mentally ill fanfiction writing girl, anorexic girl, Wiccan girl or unidentifiable gender furry?
Quick, guess which one is up today! Assuming you guess at random, you have a 16.666666666repeating chance of guessing, so better make it a good one.
I really would like to see what would happen if one were to put all of these people in a room together. I can only imagine it would smell incredibly offensive in addition to being the most obnoxiously whiny room in existence. It'd probably be a perpetual motion bitch machine. It'd be glorious in how horrifically depressing it would be.

I need a hug.

Well, I need more than a hug. I don't know how much longer I can go on pretending to be almost normal before I snap and rip someone's face off, most likely my own because God forbid that I should hurt anyone else.

I just realized I'm really hungry. Excuse me while I remedy that.
So where was I?

To say that today has been a bad day would be an understatement. It's not that anything in particular happened, it was just my moods seemed more uncontrollable than normal. I can't deal with it.

Hmm, wonder if I can get an Adamant 31 IV Pokemon to pop up in RNGreporter. Maybe today will be my lucky day.
Okay, that'll be about 10 minutes before it spits out THE SAME MODESTFAG IT HAS FOR THE PAST WEEK.

I cannot go from being elated one second to bawling my eyes out, self-harming depressed the next. I just can't do it anymore. I am going to snap.

The doctors suck. They just keep referring me to other people, who send me somewhere else, and they send me to another doctor, and nothing is actually getting done to help me.

Oh wow I just noticed I'm missing some album art for my various MP3s.
Oh iTunes found artwork for everything except three albums. That's-- impressive, actually.
There it is.

I think I'll be dropping out of college (again) soon. I haven't actually been to lessons since late November, and I never wanted to go there anyway.

Oh that reminds me, I should see if any of my classes moved into each other like that hilarious situation that occurred last semester.
Nope, looks good.

I am tired of doing what my family wants. I'm almost nineteen years old. I think I'll just get a normal job, maybe in a pub or something, get mental help (if the doctors actually pull themselves together) and write in my freetime.

Let's see how RNGreporter is progressing-- looks like one match found, so that'll be that Modestfag I mentioned-- hmm.
It's not even anything good, either. It's ability 0 so you can't even get a good Gardevoir out of that (I'd just breed one anyway, I have a male Ralts with half perfect IVs from my Mismagius) so I don't really know--

You know a band that you like for ages, but then you end up loosing their music, forget about them but always have the feeling that you're missing something good? That is what I had with Delays. I loved them a couple of years ago, deleated my harddrive and lost them.

Ah, RNGreporter is done and-- yep, Modestfag.
Goddamn.
Well I guess I could breed a Gyarados, but that would be really involved and it won't be in a cool diveball. Guess I'll keep trying.

I think that is all for now. Back to being depressed and trying to work up the courage to tell my nan I want to quit college (again), get a job and move out because she is driving me insane(er).

Huh, Gardevoir is now considered "never used". That's sad, really. Don't worry, Gardevoir, I'll be sure to get one of you and use you. In the over used tier, even.

My arse is killing me.

:3 stop putting so many dicks in there and maybe it won't hurt so--

Not for any kinky/gross medical reason.

Oh. Whatever. What was I doing? Ah yes, tier lists.

I may have did done a bad thing.

Bodyshop kept crashing, so I deleated my 18GB downloads folder.

What is "Mahjong Titans" and why is it on my computer?
Oh free Windows games-- I want the Spider layout, please.
Ah. No idea what I'm looking at, here-- no, no that doesn't really help-- oh, two tiles went away when I clicked on them. Great.
It's a cleanup simulator.
Tile blocked, but two other tiles in the exact same situation aren't blocked. I don't get this.
Yes I want to quit, Windows. Oh sure, go ahead and save. I'm sure I'll be revisiting (I might be lying).

I want to pass this class with an A grade, and go on to get my PhD in Creative Writing, and they are always talking really loudly so I can't even hear the teacher.

Heh, money well spent.

Proof that you need mental help:

You burst into tears because you can't get the fucking letter to the mental help experts into the envelop. After hours of filling out a five page questionare on my mental-ness, I could not fold the thing right to get it in the envelop.

I'm going to go kill myself now.

Wow. What a failure.

I am 5 foot 4. My boobs are 36 DD and still growing. I'm not fat.

At least try to lie convincingly, Christ.
Oh, what, RNGreporter? No reasonable seed found? Yeah, your mother.
Oh, I was off by a minute. Probably should have checked that closer, oh well.

A bit chubby, maybe, but it's no excuse for the bitches to be so fecking enormous!

Delay 1157. Maybe that'll help find good shit?
Doesn't seem to be.
Oh well, I think I best be off to solve this riddle.
Wait, what was I reviewing?
Guess it doesn't really matter~