Stop posting plz

I only read the first post of this but I know it'll be good.

All right, now that we've sufficiently established that I was home with an ear infection the day they covered "use your words" in kindergarten: DOES anyone know any useful strategies for coping with genderswap AUs involving six million metric fucktons of knock-on changes?

Specifically, the part where I don't know which metric fuckton I am currently failing to comprehend, but I know there is one, because I'm completely at a loss for which direction to go in?

 AUs what?
What the fuck are you talking about?
After much searching and outright guess work (Acronym Finder was no help) I figured out it means "alternate universe".
So thanks for that one.
A gender swap AU. The only AU I want to visit is the one where I have the power to telekinetically punch people in the mouths through the internet.
Unless there's an AU where I'm banging all the members of Girl's Generation. In which case I want to live in that one.

True or false: repetitive, vociferous, ongoing wailing and gnashing of teeth about being completely infuckingcapable of working out a writing problem the size of Cincinnati is a clear and unambiguous signal that one really, really, really needs someone to ask what the difficulty is and thereby force one to talk it out one piece at a time.

Which one cannot do inside one's head because one can't see where the logical gaps are, or in fact think very clearly about any one aspect, without breaking it down piece-by-piece and explaining it.

Or have I managed to be at a 90-degree angle to normal human communication again?

Shut the fuck up. Jesus.
I really hate it when people try to act really zany and genius at the same time.
Like all right I get it you're fucking Einstein with fanfiction.
And that'll launch into a totally awesome career as a real writer because you can just publish Dr. Who gay sex fanfic with no legal troubles.

/sighs.

For reasons I can't quite pin down, my sense of identity has gone weird lately.

I mean, it's to the point where I'm only really sure about things like "I hate eggplant," "I like Matthew Good Band," and "I cry at the end of 'Fire Watch.'" (Which doesn't even count, because that's what the end of "Fire Watch" is for.)

That is simply not enough to form the foundation of a coherent identity.

Being a cunt seems to be a strong recurring theme.
Maybe that's the foundation of your personality.

1. I have realized why all the good smut in historical fiction is either m/m or Early Sarah Waters: pre-1960 birth control is the least erotic thing imaginable. OMG. /cries.

I'd tell you lot to slap me if I ever got into writing heterosexual sex in a fandom where that's an issue ever again, but let's face it: Peaky Blinders starts a week from today. Helen McCrory is in it. That would be a lot of slapping, to no purpose at all.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

2. New!store manager is showing every sign of being a sugar-cube counter of the first water. Because of this, and because he is also large, red-faced, and kind of confused-looking, he will hereinafter be known in these parts as Fred.

The assistant store manager will be known hereinafter as The Smiler.

Other cast members may include scatty!manager, shark!manager

Oh we're doing that thing with the exclamation points.
I remember one post I made a long time ago (the first time I saw that annoying shit) where I proposed that was a grammatical one off unique to that blog alone.
Man I wish I was right.

For the ten billionth time, I'm resolving to try and post more often about things that do not suck.

Well time to wipe this blog out because--
well--

I wrote 438 words tonight and I hate them all. No metric post; I don't deserve one.

SO DEEP

what the fuck is a metric post?

I've been doing this shit for half a decade now and I have no fucking idea what a metric post is.

 Oh thank god.

The S1 and S2-equivalents in girl!Freddie universe are different enough from each other to be two different stories. Or at least one really long one with enough of a split down the middle that I can write it in two parts.

You have no. idea. how much this simplifies things.

Do you ever just write about shit?
Like hey how are you doing
fine I went to work today kinda shit?
or does everything have to be this complicated shit with terms I don't understand and I'm not entirely convinced actually mean anything?

Dear God. I think I've actually forgotten how to write comedy.

Implying what?
You knew how to write comedy in the first fucking place?

Can you almost hear how douchey she sounds with those italics?
Like I just hear the worst white wahm voice ever in my head thanks to it.

Comment with a fic idea you don't think I would write, and I'll tell you how I would write it if I were going to.

Comments: 1.

Who in the fuck is that much of a masochist?

No no, let's be fair.

Maybe it's a comment telling her to fuck off.

Bel/Hector fluff in which none of the other four are even peripherally involved.

What the fuuuuuuuuuck

 On that note I'm going to bed.

I GOT SHIT TO DO.

OK.

Sometimes when I'm looking for a blog I find one that isn't overtly offensive but I can tell by the way the cunt writes or some of the little things she puts in there that all I have to do is go back far enough and I'll hit the mother lode.
Also this blog starts with a master fic list so there's that.

ETA: Now with summaries! Gods help us. Don't let them put you off!

I hate it when people say "gods help us" like I doubt you're seriously that invested in some form of paganism so knock it off.

Hello, hello.

This is me, blinking up out of hibernation like a very grumpy bear. I feel a bit...weird, having so few things to post lately. It's unsettling. 

So I can skip this entry because you just admitted you have nothing to say--
why would I read this?
HEY GUYS
JUST ANOTHER BOOORING WEDNESDAY UPDATE MIGHT AS WELL SKIP IT!

Hello! Just thought i'd pop in, wave a bit.
*waves*

There is currently *so much* going on in fandom!

Has there ever been a start to a piece of writing that made you want to read it less?
I'm sure there's some intro to a pussy sensitivity paper I had to read that equals this but nothing immediately springs to mind.
That was more about long term abuse than the sucker punch.

I have so many tabs open and bookmarks and am subscribing to people left and right on AO3. Too much fic, not enough time!!

Again, is that a sentiment you can have?
SO MUCH FANFICTION TO READ!
Let me see.
I'm going to try fanfiction right now.
Surely there's a suitably manly category like Warhammer--

The powersword buzzed like a caged wasp as Kruger swung it desperately at the ork. He felt the blade shudder as it chopped into the greenskin's torso. It let out a scream of pain as it died. The immediate danger over, Kruger quickly looked to see how his squad was faring. One man was down, but the others had finished off their opponents. A group of orks lay where they had been cut down in hand to hand combat.
'Drake, see to the wounded,' Kruger barked over the comlink.
Almost immediately, the corporal's voice came back: 'He's dead, sergeant.'

Because space marines have corporals.
And a corporal would tend to the wounded.
Maybe the shitty chapter you invented for the sake of this awful fanfiction has corporals.
I'm willing to roll with that.
But I'm not willing to roll with this story through all 1,500 words of it.
I can't even begin to tell you how shitty the opening line is.
POWERSWORD (SIC) BUZZED LIKE A CAGED WASP.
What?

Christ, it's hot. Hot and humid and *horrible*. I have our ac set at eighty and it hasn't stopped running for *weeks*. Jayzus. How i loathe summer.

Anyway - lj is being weird for me still, not loading, half-loading, and making commenting a real chore, so my apologies to all and sundry, I have not been commenting like i'd like to. 

I challenge all of you to find a more appropriate reaction to this blog than this video.

School here starts the 18th of August and the whole mechanism is slowly gearing up to full speed. The Bebe needs clothes, and omg, she likes expensive clothes and/or stuff that ships from the UK. Jayzus. Let's go shop at the Hong Kong import site where most everything is three bucks, okay?
*clutches wallet*

You're old enough to have children in school?
What's happened?
I know this happens like every other blog  but it never ceases to give me pause for thought.
More than "oh that chick turned out to be a dude" or whatever.
It's when these cunts have nearly grown children.
When do you stop acting like this?
I guess never.

Just so people know - i am high on Show!Love, and have nothing but praise for Show. That being said, there are spoilers here for the very newest episode.

The show she's such a twat over she just calls Show.
So if you're curious for some reason good luck figuring that out.
THE ONLY SHOW ON TV.
Oh let's be basic here. What could it possibly be?
Dr. Who
Sherlock Holmes of some persuasion
What's that other shitty show?
Supernatural?
Yeah it's Supernatural, upon further research.
Fuck this gay earth.

I just realized something. I am a total asshat. Someone out there, some delightful person, made lovely pdf files of Wolfpack. And linked them to me, and worked very hard to make them pretty and *i*, in Senior Citizen moment of epic proportions, totally forgot to pimp them here, *or* to bookmark where the links are. Jayzus. God.

You didn't really need to explain why you were an asshat.
In fact if you had just posted that I would have taken it as a personal apology, to me, four years before this happened and I wouldn't have posted this.
But no, you had to go on.
There's a picture of you.
You're clearly in your late 30s-early 40s.
What the fuck is the matter with you?

Jesus *Christ*.

I hate LJ tonight, i really fucking do.

Tonight?
How do you not always hate Livejournal?
Sometimes I'll pause in my day and just think about how much I hate Livejournal.
I did it today in fact.
A kid asked me what day it was.
I said Wednesday.
I immediately thought of my own blog
then how much I hated Livejournal.
Then I gave a silent prayer to Ares for my ability to hate.

I'm not actually, by inclination or practice, xian.

A what?
xian?
Zee-ahn.
Kseean.
Oh of course it's Christian.
Xian.
Kill yourself I'm dead fucking serious.
Xian.
Waste my fucking time with that nonsense?
Write it out for fuck's sake.
Hallo.

Okay, so - here's the story. Cat wanted a PC game, so i got it for him for his b-day. One thing - it won't run on his system. It takes a video card that is uber, so...

I'm offering it here. It's called Gears of War. You need Windows Vista or XP, 2.4GHz Intel or 2.0GHz AMD, 1GB RAM, 12GB free hd space and an NVIDIA GeForce 6600 or ATI x700 vid card.

>Geforce 6600
>uber
What--
oh this is 2007.
All right.
What did I have in 2007?
Like a 6500 I think.
GTX 670 now yeah baby.
It can run EVE Online on ultra max.
Then again so can a toaster but whatever.
Speaking of EVE Online my EVE Online character is currently hated by an unknown faction.
Is that cause for concern?
"An unknown faction wants you dead."
Anyway fuck blogs
fuck the internet
fuck the police